Previously on
I still believe...
-You okay there, Joe? -...in The One.
I'm married but to the wrong person. What if you're the right one?
Juliette told Ryan that we spent the day together.
Now he's threatening me.
Stay away from her.
As long as he's in the picture, you are always going to lose.
How much do you know about Love's first husband?
Love has no loyalty for anyone but herself.
And you've been buried in here, obsessed!
Just move on, okay? She's dead!
Get the fuck out now!
Do you and Joe wanna play with me and Cary?
-I killed Natalie for you! -Shut up.
Go.
Fuck this.
-What are you doing? -Stand back!
You just shot my ear.
She caught her husband cheating with your stepmom and she murdered her!
Get us out of here, Theo.
Shirley Jackson wrote
that suburbia is where people start to come apart.
I thought I'd escape before that happened to me, but if I'd done that,
I'd never have met you.
I'm not free...
unless we both are, Marienne.
So I had to. You deserve a man who does what has to be done.
Right now, I have to save my son from his mother.
Mr. Mooney used to say there's a monster inside every boy,
all too easy to feed.
If you make it strong, it will take over.
We can save Henry together.
I just need to get us out
before Love feeds Henry so much as another bite.
They're saying she moved to Ohio.
Yeah, sure. She left her plants and the picture of her mom.
It was her boyfriend.
-No. Or maybe she ran away. -I could've stopped him.
-The last time it ruined my entire life. -You mean, like, with your mom...?
It made her hate me so much, she put me here.
So I thought, with Fiona, I didn't want her to hate me.
For the record, you don't know how your mom feels. You're making it up.
Hey, trust me, I do it too.
But I'll never actually know why mine left me here.
Neither will you.
-Joe?
I'm home.
Fuck. If she sees blood, it's over.
Joe?
What are you doing in here?
Looking for a charger. That's the one.
What a fucking day.
We need to figure out how we're gonna endgame the Conrads.
-Brainstorm... -Something is up with her.
Also, we need to have an alibi.
-So I did get an Airbnb in Mill Valley. -She's barely looking at me.
Sherry and Cary aren't enough to throw her this off-balance.
And the bakery, I have an order.
It's a big one, so that'll be good to keep everything open.
And I had a thought about us.
Is this...
Conrad blood?
-No, that's Theo. He came by the bakery. -Oh, no.
I, uh... He--
Um, I had to...
That's what she can't look at.
Poor Theo.
He's still there, in the basement.
Fuck. Okay, problem or opportunity?
I'll handle him. Don't give it another thought.
My epiphany.
I was just thinking,
like, we're gonna be through this so soon, right?
I hope.
-Right? -Yeah.
I just think it's perfect, so-- To really fucking start a new chapter.
It's time for us to try for another baby, Joe.
I'm...
actually speechless.
I want nothing more in the world, Love.
Yeah, let's do it.
Too bad, tomorrow, Henry and I will be gone.
Of course, this all hinges on the only question that matters.
When I go...
will you come with me?
I'm sorry.
Theo, hi, it's me. Can you call me and check in, please?
I was too harsh when I kicked you out...
but you don't have to--
-Just let me know you're okay, please.
You poor, dumb kid.
I'm so sorry.
-Come on, man. -He's not coming back.
It's been hours.
Hey, let me see that.
No.
Sher, I took a survival medicine seminar with a dude who won Season 6 of Alone.
I can't hear you...
because you shot me in the ear.
It ricocheted.
Tell that to the part of my ear plastered to that bucket.
-Red flag, okay? This is my turn. -No. No more techniques.
Love's right. They are gonna argue to death.
Marriage brings out the worst in us all.
-That's not fair. Just let me-- -Don't! You've done enough.
-You're... You're hysterical. -Fuck you! That is sexist as shit!
I am a feminist...
who grazed you!
Oh, you wanna know what grazing feels like?
-Hey, hey! -Don't get hysterical.
-I took a seminar. -Hey, hey!
Oh, fuck. I'm gonna need more tarps.
No!
Oh, my God.
-Cary? -You didn't graze me.
You fucking...
shot me in the leg.
-Hey, I've been trying to reach you. -Um, Joe...
Ryan's dead.
-What? -Mugging, apparently.
Been a few in the area. Guy with a knife.
Seems like this just went really bad, but the police still interrogated me.
I feel like this is gonna blow back on me.
-I just know it. -This was part of a string of muggings?
Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything.
-Weren't you with Juliette last night? -Yes, I was. I have an alibi, but...
I also have a very long history of being fucked by the system.
A system that was made by and for Ryan.
Can I disagree?
Not about the system but just about this moment.
I'd love to be wrong.
Listen, the man who hurt you,
who wanted to steal your child...
he is now gone forever.
You shouldn't send the mugger flowers,
but I am saying this is your life getting easier.
-Promise not to judge? -No, never.
I'm glad he's dead.
Can I tell you something else that happened last night?
Love and I are officially separating.
Wait, seriously?
But, like, no, I'm-- I'm so-- I'm so sorry.
Don't be.
We're both gonna be free... very soon.
Why don't you get out of town while this Ryan drama dies down?
-Yeah, we should. -Just think of some place you wanna go.
Anywhere. And just go.
Hey, Joe.
Come with us.
I know, I know, that's crazy.
No, it's not, it's not.
You've been such a rock, and I let myself fantasize about a...
About a simple, happy, healthy family for a second, and when I...
When I picture that, I picture you. And Henry, of course.
And I know you said you love me,
but it was in a certain moment, I get that,
but I realized, I actually, um...
I love you.
I love you, and...
Yeah, so that.
That's probably way too much, too soon.
No.
Marienne.
Yes!
Yes. Count us in.
We'd be crazy not to try after everything we've been through to get here, right?
We just have to tie up a few loose ends.
I can't believe we're doing this.
I can. It's fate.
Mm. Gotta go.
Bunch of songbirds just landed on me and I think we're going flying.
I'll see you in the sky.
You invited me, we have a future.
This will be the last ugly thing I ever have to do.
Come on.
Love couldn't even finish the job. So much for a clean break.
The kid knows everything. If he talks...
Finish it. No one would know.
I'm sorry.
I'm so, so sorry.
I would know.
Didn't I just promise the love of my life
a happy, healthy, new beginning?
I will never...
touch her again.
You think this is because you kissed my wife?
It was once.
Oh, you fucked my wife?
What a mess my wife has made.
I loved her.
Why did she do this?
This is not your fault. She fooled me too.
Are you gonna...
kill me?
There is a hospital 20 minutes away. My escape window is closing.
I gotta keep this kid from blabbing the second he's admitted.
Okay, Theo,
I'm going to give you a little nap, all right?
Cary Conrad uses this stuff all the time.
So it shouldn't exacerbate your head injury.
Too much.
Julie.
Julia.
Julia Quinn-Goldberg.
-Who do you think it was? -Word on the street is mugging.
-"The street"? Name your source. -I saw a tweet.
From "the street"?
No, we went past the crime scene.
There was a lot of blood. I bet it was Matthew.
-But why on earth would Matthew--? -Sherry's blog. They're hiding.
Matthew is insane.
And Ryan reported on the Natalie investigation.
What if Ryan was asking too many questions?
Hey, hey, heads up! Fifty grand coming through.
-Not a fan? -He's my ex.
What if the only way to hide the truth was to murder him?
The library fundraiser's coming up. My boss asked me to work late.
Yeah. He's a gem.
He never complains when I ask him to stay and lock up.
Not up to your standards?
Yeah.
Can't all be winners.
Hey, can you make two dozen bloody-looking ones by tonight?
I'm having my true-crime book club over to dish.
Yeah, sure.
What's your theory? I think, his ex, Marienne Bellamy, right?
My lawyer friend said that they were in a custody fight,
and she seems off, you know?
Her ex becomes all successful and then when she wants him back,
she can't and it's, like, crime of passion.
What do you think?
You're all scandal-hungry crows and no amount of feasting
on other people's sorrows is gonna make your lives less hollow.
I'm sorry.
PMS.
Right.
-I'll have those cupcakes for you. -Great. Thank you.
Hey, guys.
Hi.
Get away from me!
-It was only supposed to graze you. -No! That--
-You just made me so mad! -That was your pull--
-Hey. -Hey.
Hey.
-You know, you were right. -What?
Joe's cheating.
Oh.
Love.
Kill him.
He was abusive.
He forced you into this.
I'll back you up. You know I will. Then you can let me out.
Us.
You can let us out.
Everybody will believe you. It's always the husbands.
You know, they force us into these shapes and we break.
But you and me, we're strong, right?
All you gotta do is...
He fucking betrayed you, Love.
You're a fucking monster.
I always knew your marriage was a sham.
But... it looks like the only murderer in this room is you, Sherry.
I can't believe that you just did that.
Unceremonious,
dumping Theo at a loading dock, but he's safe.
Now there's no time to pack.
It'll be a miracle if I can get us out before Love gets suspicious.
-Oh, hey, Joe. -Hey, Lansing.
Hey, Dante, I'm here to pick up Henry.
-Love picked him up two hours ago? -Yeah.
No.
-Oh, great. -Was that not the plan?
No, it sure wasn't.
It was. She texted me and I spaced, so I'm sorry.
Nice to see you both.
See you.
Oh, no.
She can't know.
-Smells amazing.
How could she know?
It's roast chicken.
-Hmm. Where's Henry? -He's asleep.
-I'm gonna check on him. -No.
Sit.
She knows.
Mm.
Tastes amazing as ever.
-I'm a great cook. -You are.
You really are.
And I'm great in bed.
Pretty, funny, devoted wife and mom.
It's all true.
Hey, did you check out Twitter today?
A news guy was murdered.
Ryan Goodwin.
I was like, "Where do I know him from?"
So I Googled him, and...
he's your boss's ex-husband.
And I saw him at the library thing.
Where I saw her.
Marienne.
She was lovely.
Stunning, actually.
-Love-- -Do you love her?
I just want the truth.
Oh.
Did you ever actually love me?
The moment I saw you.
I would do anything for you.
I know that you cheated on me and you lied.
Okay, can we--?
You made me feel like you really saw me.
Like you were perfectly happy.
You made me feel like I needed to protect you.
You got so upset killing objectively horrible people.
So I thought, "He's sensitive. I can do this for him."
I don't remember you asking.
And then I come to find out that you are happy to murder,
just for a different woman.
Meanwhile, here I am doing it for you.
A teenager, someone innocent.
Yeah, right. He's just a kid, who you were having an affair with.
We can do this if you are willing to admit you have not been perfectly happy either.
We have both made mistakes.
I have made some...
big ones.
And I'm sorry, Love.
I never wanted to hurt you.
I tried, and I know that you've been trying too.
But it didn't work.
And now we can be honest about that
and deal with this like two adults.
-Meaning what? -We don't have to do anything impulsive.
What's that mean?
James. James.
What you did to him when he tried to leave.
-Your mother knew and she told me. -My mother is a malicious bitch.
All I'm saying is that we can part ways amicably.
Be there for Henry, support him, co-parent,
and give each other the chance to be happy.
Love...
I want a divorce.
I'm gonna go check on him.
-Let me get-- -No, I'll check him. I'll get him.
She may come back with Henry or a machete.
Henry's settled down.
You look like you're gonna throw up.
Well, I just said the D-word to my wife.
Okay, yeah, that's fair.
Look, Joe...
I don't like feeling like this.
-I'm so sorry. I-- -No. No.
You're right.
I always thought that if I did everything right,
life would turn out the way it's supposed to.
Doesn't that seem reasonable?
I mean, like, with James...
I took care of him.
Doesn't it seem reasonable to think
that he'd wanna be with me when he got better?
But...
Here's what I need you to know about James.
My mom was right.
I did.
I did kill him.
But I didn't mean to.
That was my first time using it, and...
the dosage was too high when ingested.
What dosage was too high?
Aconite.
It's a paralytic.
I just wanted to--
I just wanted to stop him.
Keep him in one place so we could talk it through.
-You wanted to paralyze him? -Exactly. Yeah.
Temporarily.
Now, you don't have to worry.
This time, I'm letting it absorb through the skin.
Oh, no. No, no, no.
Do I need to point out that none of this would be happening
if you hadn't grabbed a weapon?
Oh, wow.
No one will ever love you like I do, Joe.
It's something to think about while you're lying there.
Okay, this isn't great.
-Love...
Apparently, I need to deliver some cupcakes.
I'll be back in, like, ten minutes.
Then... I'm gonna save our fucking marriage.
What the fuck am I gonna do now?
Theo, come on, answer your texts.
Look, we're mad, that's fine. But now I'm worried.
Call me back or I'm calling the police. I'm serious.
Hello?
Joe?
Theo!
-Holy shit. -Holy shit.
What the fuck did she do to you?
What's going on? Is Theo here?
Thank you. If I could just get my voice to work...
-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
No! Shit. He calls the police, truth comes out and I lose Henry.
What? What?
What are you trying to say?
-You don't want me to call the police? -Yes! Yes, thank you.
What?
You have Theo.
Uh-huh.
Where is he?
Joe, what did she do?
Where is my son?
In the hospital. In the hospital!
You know what Love's been doing with him, don't you?
You sick fuck!
You took Natalie from me, didn't you?
Didn't you?
Your crazy fucking wife.
You knew, and you sat in my house and you said nothing.
I should kill you.
I should kill you right fucking now.
-What? -Follow my eyes.
Come on. I'm pointing with my eyes.
Check the search history. You're a tech guy, you know this.
Saint Benedict's Hospital? This is where Theo is?
-I'm blinking. Yes. -That what you're saying?
He better be okay.
Yeah.
No police.
No fucking help.
You deserve what Natalie got a hundred times over, neighbor.
Enjoy whatever Love does to you.
What are you even doing?
The weak spot will reveal itself.
-Weak spots always do. -Okay.
Maybe we should talk about what I said when Love was here.
I admire it.
I'm over here trying to save us both and you've got strategy.
Will you leave the wall alone?
No.
Because whether you love me or even respect me,
I can figure out a simple cage.
I hacked my body. I hacked the shit out of our marriage. I can hack this.
What was so bad about our marriage?
What are you talking about?
You hack everything.
Ovulation, child-rearing.
Sure. To get it right.
-To be good enough for you. -That's hilarious.
I mean it!
Or have you forgotten that you were a golden boy
and I was this uptight grad student in huge glasses
-who your mom hated. -My mom hates everyone.
And I loved you in those glasses.
I've loved every version of you, Sherry.
Everything I've done since the day I laid eyes on you...
it was for you.
-Guess I'm an idiot. -You're not.
-You know, Sherry,
until I met you,
I had massive inflammation,
undiagnosed lactose intolerance,
and I did coke every weekend.
I was just powering through until I met you
and I saw,
she's together, she is optimized.
She is so much smarter than me.
Honey...
I didn't fall in love with you 'cause you were smart.
Ow, ow.
Oh, sweetie.
Come here, come here.
That's okay.
-The truth came out. -No, no, I wasn't even...
You are smart.
I just mean, I fell for...
sweet and brave...
slay-any-dragon...
smart-enough-to-know-that-I'm-smarter- but-you-don't-mind-that.
I love that.
You're the best dad to the best kids.
And don't forget 6% body fat.
You're down to--? Jesus.
When we get out of here, you're gonna have all the burgers.
And you'll be the hottest one-eared bitch in Madre Linda.
Hey. I'm gonna put him to bed, he's asleep.
This is not how I imagined this ending.
Us ending.
Me.
Perfect. I got here just in time.
Okay.
Don't you worry, Joe.
It's gonna be over real soon.
Oh, hey, I--
Got a text from Joe? That was me.
Come in?
-Yeah, no. I should-- -If you have any self-respect,
you'll come in, so we can speak like adults.
Okay, sure.
Don't fall for it. She's gonna kill you.
We'll only have this conversation once.
But I need to know, of all the men in Madre Linda,
why my husband?
Fuck. He told me that you two are separating--
He did? Oh. That's news to me.
-I am sorry. What? -He lied.
Get out. Get out.
I'm so sorry. I--
He told me you two were splitting. I--
I really never would have...
Look, I'm-- I'm a good person.
Or maybe I'm not, but I am trying.
You didn't answer my question.
Why Joe?
Was he kind to you?
Effortlessly get you?
Smart? Deep?
Good father material?
Yes.
-At first. -What's that supposed to mean?
I should've trusted my gut.
Something in me knew that it was too good to be true,
but I just...
He convinced me.
I let him convince me.
I used to think that toxic men looked at me and saw an easy mark.
And I've looked at myself...
and something in me that's attracted to toxicity.
No, don't throw yourself under the bus.
She's distorting things.
"Toxic"?
What if I told you Joe's the one who killed your ex?
No, Ryan was--
No, Ryan was mugged.
Uh-huh.
Why would--?
-Why would Joe...? -To protect you.
Because he's obsessed with you.
No, I saved you. I did a good thing.
When he's obsessed with someone, he'll do anything.
I should know.
He was obsessed with me...
until he met you.
-Mom?
-Hey. -I have to pee.
Okay, sweetie. I'm almost done, okay?
Give me five minutes.
Oh, you know what? You can go use the restroom down the hall.
Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
Come on, baby.
Hi.
Go straight in there, around the corner.
Look this way. Look. Come on.
Shit.
Marienne?
Um...
You... and your beautiful daughter, you need to run.
Disappear.
Ryan's the beginning of what he'll do.
Say you don't believe her.
Say you love me, you trust me.
Then why aren't you running too?
It's not that simple for me.
No.
Okay, listen to me, maybe it's not my place,
but maybe you think you owe it to your kid or you're clinging to when things worked,
but, please, if there is ever...
even for a fleeting moment,
a tiny voice in your head,
and that tiny voice is telling you, "I deserve better"...
listen to her.
That's your partner.
That's your real, true love.
And if you betray her long enough, you will lose her.
Trust me, I'm still trying to get mine back.
Mom?
Hey, baby.
Hey.
-Thank you. -Of course.
You ready? Okay, come on.
Did you believe Love's lies?
You knew it was a trap. You would've said anything to get out.
-A luxury I don't seem to have.
I'd see why you like her.
Tough.
She's got a cute kid.
I can't believe I almost took that little girl's mother away from her.
The insanity you drive me to, Joe.
Marienne's gonna be fine. More than fine.
She really makes being a single mother look good.
Noble.
I barely recognize myself anymore.
I was so...
excited.
To be a mother.
And your wife.
And as soon as I became that...
you punished me for it.
I mean, you gaslit me so fucking hard.
I started to question...
every single thing about myself.
But that little voice in the back of my head
that I've been suppressing this whole fucking time, it was right.
I'm not the problem.
My husband is the problem.
-Aconite, when injected directly,
burns as it moves through the system to the heart.
Think less slow paralysis,
more total fucking agony.
I'm sorry it had to come to this.
Did you really think that I wouldn't start to wonder...
what you were growing in the garden?
Wolf's-bane.
-A paralytic. -No.
It slows the heart.
So I Googled antidotes.
Turns out, I needed biohacking. Adrenaline.
And who doesn't have that around here, right?
A little voice in my head told me to take it.
Before you played your hand.
Joe...
You did this to yourself.
And the hardest part was making the dose because I couldn't lie to myself.
It had to be enough.
I had to finally stop you.
We're perfect for each other.
But bad...
for Henry.
He'll know what you are.
Those sadistic, tacky, Los Angeles, little bitches.
Hey.
Hey, don't give up on me, baby.
No, baby. Give me a flag, Cary.
Cary, give me a flag!
Sexy.
No!
No, no, no!
No, we're not letting them win, baby. No!
They'll turn on each other.
Those two-faced, vanilla pieces of shit.
There's a key in here.
Those freaky bitches don't trust each other.
Baby, they're the weak spot.
They're the weak spot.
All I've ever wanted was to give Henry
the best life I could imagine.
But what if Love was right?
Maybe she will take the fall for this whole mess,
but I'm married to her.
If I go down too...
what happens to our son?
After Dottie's meltdown, Love drew up papers
to prevent the Quinns from ever getting near him, but if not them or me, then--
I can't let him get put somewhere like I was.
Jacob?
Jakey, let's go.
Such a nice day, right?
There's nothing I'd rather do than be with you, buddy.
Done?
Oh, my God.
-Joey? How did you find--? -Do you hate me?
-What? -You think I'm bad.
What I did.
-Joey... -Mom, what's wrong with me?
I know you try so hard to be good.
Then why'd you leave me there?
And why are you taking care of him?
I just--
I made too many mistakes.
And even though I loved you, still love you...
I was hurting you too.
Sometimes we need to start over, Joey.
Completely.
I didn't have good parents.
But I know what a good parent does.
Protect.
Even if that means protecting from.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
This isn't forever.
I love you more than anything.
Hey.
I don't know what to say.
Be good.
Yes?
Friends and neighbors...
I'd like to thank you for welcoming my family with open arms,
but... you didn't.
I moved to the suburbs because I bought into the dream.
Community, prosperity,
and most of all, safety.
But I never felt safe here.
Judged from day one,
for my past, my body,
how I was raising my child.
If I wasn't perfect, I would lose it all.
A game so rigged, it could only exist in a world that hates women,
especially mothers.
But what choice did I have?
So I played.
And I realized your fence,
your doorbell cam,
you tell yourself you're keeping your family safe, but it's a lie.
You're too afraid to do what you need to do to really protect your own.
I am not a coward.
I do what must be done to protect my family.
I killed the adulterer next door.
I framed the anti-vaxxer who sickened my child,
hunted down the reporter who threatened us.
I trapped the couple who tried to sabotage us.
Forced them to really see each other.
Babe.
God is good!
She is good.
I forced my husband to play along.
But in the end, he was a coward too.
And when I realized he had grown to hate me,
I killed him.
Better than a messy divorce.
Everybody keeps their dignity.
When the shock wears off...
and you feel safe jogging in your expensive athleisure again...
...remember, you can get off the hamster wheel at any time.
You just have to be willing to burn it to the ground.
In the end, it worked.
There was just enough half-charred evidence to tell the tale,
including the remains of two human toes, which were DNA tested.
RIP, me.
Love's farewell filled out details a burned-out crime scene couldn't.
The rest of Joe Goldberg's body was never found,
but it was presumed butchered or worse.
Love Quinn became the Mrs. Lovett of Madre Linda.
Once the nausea passed, people were ravenous for her.
Her tragic family history,
her quasi-feminist revolt against upper-class hypocrisy.
A bit of a folk hero,
more famous even than Guinevere Beck.
And without my family poisoning the well...
Madre Linda began to heal.
Beep, beep.
Hey.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
-How'd it go? -Oh, you know.
Killed physical therapy, walked 75 yards,
did some intermittent dancing.
Yeah, we should sign up for a 5K.
-A 5K, huh? -Yeah.
Okay. I'm in if you're in.
Good work, Henry!
Henry arrived into Dante and Lansing's life
with a note expressing my last wish.
That they protect Henry as if he were their own son.
Nobody says no to a man who got turned into a pie.
No, it wasn't fair of me,
but it was the right thing for Henry.
After a long legal battle,
Dottie, bereaved and still not sober,
yielded custody to Dante and Lansing.
Someday when he's old enough, he can read the rest of the note.
But that's between him and me.
Didn't take long for the town to regroup.
Jackson and Andrew took over the bakery with a winky rebrand,
Well-Behaved Women.
Yelp suggests the scones are just okay.
The Insta-friendly shirts are the real draw.
Kiki and Brandon struck gold
when Brandon developed an at-home poison test
and accompanying app,
after which Kiki named their new baby.
Toxi. Their child's name is Toxi.
We thought, instead of being prisoners of the cage,
why not master it?
Somehow, Sherry and Cary made it out alive.
Their first move: use Sherry's blog to savage Love Quinn
and turn themselves into the real heroes of the story.
Their next move: write a book, of course.
A Radical Couple's Therapy Technique.
As for you,
Marienne,
I looked for you, but you and Juliette were already gone.
Phone number changed, no forwarding address.
The end of our story remains unwritten.
Did you pity me when you read what happened?
Did it erase the fear she planted? Do you still think about us?
Can't believe how many people left New York after the pandemic.
Way before that. The election?
But I have to believe our paths are destined to cross again.
Marriage almost ruined both of us, but we escaped.
Maybe the scars in our hearts make them stronger.
Nick!
Nick?
All I know, mon amour...
is I'll search the world if I have to.
I will find you.