[whimsical music playing]
That picture of you with the jar and the hawk on your head has gone viral.
They’re calling you “The Wizard of Odd.”
There's even a meme going around
where the scarecrow is offering you a brain.
We need to address the fallout.
Are you listening to me?
Christ, are you in a meditative trance again?
Oh!
Whoa.
It's very dangerous pulling me out like that.
I was in a tree with monkeys comforting my inner child.
Now that little boy is alone with a pack of monkeys.
That doesn't feel like a real problem. As opposed to, say, this.
[Ellis] I know, it's a disaster.
I was hoping the monkeys would have some advice, but they were silent.
Yes, we all cherish the monkeys.
In other news, your human friend, Jean, is here.
She's not imaginary and your best ally on the board,
so maybe she has something to offer?
Oh, Jean's here? She is so nice.
I like being around nice people. It makes me feel safe.
Great. I'll go and get her.
Hey, hey, hey. Stay here.
There is no here.
[whimsical music playing]
Oh, hi. [chuckles]
Are you getting coffee?
- I'd like to. - Please, you go first.
You have your coffee, so technically, you've already gone first.
Indeed. And now you shall go first.
Thank you.
[inhales deeply] Yeah.
[distant phone ringing]
It's, uh, Malcolm, right?
Since day one.
[chuckles] So how are things in HR?
Is that okay to ask or is it against the rules?
Sorry, now I have to write you up.
I hope I don't get spanked.
Okay, too far. I... I do work in HR.
Sorry, sorry. I'm not even into spanking.
That's probably also not okay to say. I'm gonna go.
[whimsical music playing]
[knocking at door]
Jeanie! Jean Sequence. Get over here.
It’s so good to see your face, Ellis. How are you holding up?
[sighs] I still feel Katie's presence every minute of every day.
So do I. She was my best friend. Just pure radiant light. [exhales]
So that reporter screwed you in the ass with King Kong's dick.
- I see you're still writing your poetry. - I try.
I'm so sorry I missed the board meeting.
I am going to establish soft eye contact and gentle physical touch
to create a comfortable connection while we begin to discuss the uncomfortable.
That sounds nice. I wish you would do things like this.
[clicks tongue] There's a lot of things I wish about you too, my friend.
The article has created some new complications.
[inhales sharply] The twins are saying you've so embarrassed the company
that you need to be replaced.
Those entitled trust fund jerks.
They've ruined being a rich white guy for everybody.
Ellis, I've always been on your side,
but the twins are talking to other board members and discontent can be contagious.
Okay, I'm gonna let go now, but just because my hands are sweaty.
I understand you've hardly been in the lab.
What you need to do is get back to work and show the board some real progress.
Love it. And not just because I've been saying the same thing for weeks.
Oh, no, wait, that is why.
I'll do it. And I'll get to spend time with Jackson.
But what about the twins? They're not going anywhere.
Oh, you leave those turds to me.
I've recently uncovered some information that should shut them down for good.
Oh, tell me.
Uh, no. I want to be surprised.
Oh, tell me.
No. Don't.
Thank you for your support and friendship, Jean.
It means the world to me.
Anna, Ellis is so lucky to have you in his corner.
Thank you, Jean.
Oh.
All right. Very good.
Yep, that's plenty for me. Thank you very much.
[whimsical music playing]
- [whimsical music ends] - Jackson.
- Jean! Oh my God. It's so nice to see you. - Oh, I heard you were working here.
Your father must be delighted.
He is. Although he keeps me grounded
with targeted attacks on my wardrobe, posture, and personality.
So tell me, how have you been feeling?
Wow, straight into it.
Um, I've been feeling fine. Still hard. Comes in waves.
I just want you to know that if you ever need anything, I'm here for you.
- This is a lot of eye contact. - Then let's release it. On my count.
Three, two, one.
Go.
[inhales sharply] Oh, I'm still playing harp.
Maybe you can swing by sometime with your flute.
We can have one of our legendary pluck and toots?
Sounds great. Although, I'd still like to find a better name for it.
[upbeat rhythmic music playing]
[Ruby groans] Split, you nucleoid jerk!
[Luna] Yeah, what are you waiting for, you precious little prince?
[Ruby] There it goes!
Some cells need to be shamed or they’ll never divide.
So, you think you're gonna give Jackson another chance?
- Do you really want to talk about this? - I'm fine. I'm happy with my boyfriend.
Brian's solid. He likes me. We go to bed at the same time. Let's see, what else?
I'm sure there's more. We all love Brian. Always in his trusty pair of Crocs.
- Don't call him that. - Don't call him what?
- A loser. - I didn't call him a loser.
- Really? Could've sworn you did. - I just mentioned his Crocs.
Stop calling him that.
Okay, I see the problem. When you say “loser,” I hear “loser.”
Damn it! I mean “Crocs.” When you say “Crocs,” I hear “loser.”
I know how you feel about those stupid things
he wears literally everywhere.
So, you and Jackson?
I like him. He's definitely authentic, which is nice.
So if you're sure you're okay with it...
[Luna growls]
- Okay, I'm not gonna see him again. - Well, you know what's best for you.
Morning, ladies. What's new?
Rumor has it I have a crush on the hot HR guy.
- Oh my God, you should ask him out. - I can't.
- Coward. - You suck.
It's too dangerous. He works in HR.
If he's not into me, he can report me to himself,
and whose side will he take?
He's right. It is risky.
What if we could determine scientifically whether he's into you.
We could develop an empirical methodology for determining his romantic interest.
It'd eliminate the risk.
Then you could hit that shit like you're on vacation.
I do love hitting shit on vacation. Let me think about it.
- Coward! - You suck.
Hello, science guys and gals.
- She still doesn't know our names. - Mm-hmm.
So big day today. Ellis is back in the lab.
Not passing through. No side projects.
- Limiting my distractions. - No distractions.
It’s great. For a second I was worried that the man that I live with
was going to be working in a separate room from me.
Okay, so I have some ideas that I think might jump-start us.
Very good.
Have fun putting little drops of things onto other things and watching it.
I've literally no idea what goes on here. I'm off to deal with some turds.
Oh, I... realize you don't have the necessary context for that.
I'm confronting these awful men. Just do your science.
[door opens]
[door closes]
- I don't need you to babysit me. - I just want to see the magic.
Okay. So I know you guys were tracking the carbon reaction,
so I had a wild...
[breathes deeply]
...idea.
If we could get... [pants]
...some sort of... [pants]
...reductive oxidant...
[voice breaking] ...on the anode.
Dad, are you crying?
No. Why would I be crying? I'm fine.
[exhales sharply] So, um...
The anode... [sobbing]
Maybe the cells are too beautiful?
Hey, buddy. What's going on?
Nothing. Just working in the lab.
Maybe we go for a walk?
No. No distractions.
Okay. I don't know what's happening...
[breathes deeply]
...but I feel like it's winding down. Just give me a minute.
[exhales sharply, sobs]
[upbeat rhythmic music playing]
- What are you doing here? - Yeah. What are you doing here?
We need to talk.
- Hey, that's our house. - It's our house.
- You need to stop going after Ellis. - Never.
When Ellis started his company, Dad loaned him money,
but when Dad wanted to start his company, Ellis wouldn't lend him a cent.
It was a tiger petting zoo.
It was a tiger petting company.
It was immoral, and your dad didn't know a thing about tigers.
You sound just like our mother.
Oh, that woman. Never believing in our father.
- So why don't you go after her? - She's our mom. What is wrong with you?
Yeah, I'm the idiot here.
Let's get to it.
I've recently uncovered some information about you
that could be extremely embarrassing for you both.
You've been attending extravagant sex parties with other one-percenters
where you exchange bodily fluids and shitty political opinions.
Scoff. We work in tech. It's no big deal.
Did you just say "scoff?"
Yes, I was scoffing. That's how you scoff.
No, it's not. You don't say "scoff." Scoffing is a sound of disbelief.
No, it's not. Scoff.
[scoffing]
- Are you okay? - That's scoffing.
I know you're not embarrassed by your sex parties, but I'm confident
that your sad, demented friends won't invite you back once they see this.
You're Pilgrim reenactors.
I am enjoying our freedom from the tyranny of the Church of England.
And I am churning butter.
[chickens clucking]
Where'd you get that?
Well, there's a very sweet 14-year-old in my building
whose hobby is collecting dirt and destroying people.
So we act like Pilgrims. What's the big deal? People love Pilgrims.
They invented America.
That’s just objectively not true.
And beyond glorifying racist, genocidal colonizers,
your little reenactment society doesn’t allow women.
And some women would find that offensive.
Perhaps even some of the women who attend your magnificent sex parties.
She's right. The sex party women take discrimination super seriously.
And women are the best thing about our sex parties.
If they’re mad at us, who would we have sex with?
Just Julian?
Stop going after Ellis.
If you don't, this gets out,
and you'll be stuck with your own bodily fluids forever.
[harp and flute playing]
Jackson, please, stop.
The song is called “Walking on Sunshine.” Not “Crawling into Darkness.”
Yeah, I tried to hide behind the music, but the flute only blows the truth.
Our instruments reveal everything about us.
It's why I quit playing the harp for my husband
when I was banging my trainer.
I'm just worried about my dad.
- He couldn't stop crying in the lab today. - Did you try to help him?
He never wants my help. He loves telling me what to do,
but when I try and tell him something, he just gives me this condescending smile.
It's like...
Hmm.
He just seems so overwhelmed.
Hmm. Do you maybe know someone else who sometimes feels overwhelmed?
[chuckles] Oh my God. Yeah, every day. Yeah.
- It's me, right? - Yes.
And since you two share that, maybe you can help him get through this.
I walked into that.
[whimsical music playing]
The lab has always been the safest place for me. It's where I feel most at home,
which is why this is so scary to me.
- Hmm. - What if it happens again?
What if I can't go back in the lab?
And then, if I can't go back in the lab, who am I?
Hmm. Um, can I have a sip of your cocoa?
I offered you a cup and you said you didn't want any.
That's before I knew you had little marshmallows.
I know you. If I give you a sip, you're gonna take a big gulp.
I won't! I promise. It's too hot anyway.
A little sip. That's it.
A sip. A little bit of chocolate.
Thank you.
- [slurping] - That's... uh...
That's enough. That's enough. That's enough!
[laughs, exhales]
You left one little marshmallow.
I can't believe you let me have a sip. [chuckles]
All right, let's focus on your problem. Maybe you need to... get away.
Let's go take a trip, right? You never take me anywhere.
Hey, Dad.
And Leslie. Ah, of course. Hello.
Hello to you, young man. We were just talking about travel.
- Maybe going to Spain. - Oh, Ibiza?
- Yeah, the cradle of civilization. - It's where they invented the DJ.
No, just don't.
- How are you feeling? - I'm still shaky.
I don't know why I was crying. I... I just got completely overwhelmed.
I actually have something that I do when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
- Really? What is it? - I want to tell you,
but I need you to promise you're not gonna smile and get all condescending
like you sometimes or always do.
- Jackson, I do not do that. - Well, you're doing it right now.
[chuckles] You are so wrong, buddy.
You know what? Just forget it.
Okay, I won't do what I don't do anyway. What were you gonna say?
[inhales deeply] Fine, I will tell you, but it's very personal and embarrassing.
If you want to talk about masturbation, this is a safe space.
No.
When I feel overwhelmed, I pinch my butt really hard.
Sounds stupid, but it works.
The pain grounds me and makes me live in the now.
I appreciate you sharing that with me. I'm gonna try that. Thank you.
You're so welcome.
You two are so great. This is why I went into family practice.
Not to have my patients scream at me and tell me to wake up.
[whimsical music playing]
Hey. Everything okay? I heard things got a little emotional in the lab yesterday.
A little, but Jackson's helping me. How's everything with the twins?
You can't spell "twins" without "wins," and yesterday, I had two wins.
Because they're twins, and I'm a wordsmith.
That was delightful.
[whimsical music playing]
- We thought we'd find you here. - What, in my office?
What keen minds you have.
We just wanted to pop by and ambush you with something
like you did to us.
Yeah, like you did to us.
Maybe you should get to it before you forget why you're here.
Oh, we won't forget.
I got it.
You write super cringey fan fiction about your office, and we found it.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - We know it's yours.
We work in tech. So we know other people who work in tech who can do things.
Maybe all your coworkers would like to read your masterpiece,
Thank God For Anna.
Oh no.
"It was just another morning at Dragon,
but Anna was looking especially spectacular."
[upbeat instrumental music playing]
Good morning, Anna. You're so pretty today and every day.
- Thank you, girl scientist. - [Luna] You're welcome.
And I'm going to stop making such a fuss about you not knowing our names.
It's our fault for having such unmemorable names.
You're smart and have a great brain.
[Ellis] Anna, I was thinking about the time the columns got switched
in the internal assets report and you caught it and corrected them.
I was a fool for not giving you proper credit.
You are smart, have a great brain,
and are easy on the eyes, if you know what I’m saying.
I do know, and it's never going to happen.
Never say never.
Hi, Anna, may I please sing a song I wrote for you?
Another one? Well, okay.
♪ We owe it all to Anna Every paycheck and banana ♪
♪ Yes, Anna's the only one That we can adore ♪
♪ But it's hard being modest When you're working for a goddess ♪
Please, stop.
If this ever gets out, no one here will ever take you seriously again.
[chuckles] Yeah, try running a company where no one respects you.
- We've done it twice and it sucks. - Tell me what you want.
If you release so much as one photo of us in a buckled shoe,
everyone in your office will get a copy of Thank God For Anna.
Fine, you stupid colonial farmers. Your secret is safe.
Good. The three of us are at a stalemate, so we'll go back to destroying Ellis.
For our father.
- Our father. - Leave me.
[whimsical music playing]
Oh, boy.
After extensive research, we have developed a foolproof way
of determining whether HR guy is romantically interested in you.
Variable A is this piece of lint.
Variables B and C offer alternative debris--
Guys, please.
We put lint on your shirt and wait to see if HR guy picks it off.
Grooming a potential mate is a way of expressing interest.
So if he touches you, you know he likes you.
This is great.
Although I picked something off my mom’s blouse the other day.
Okay, little buddy. Let's do this.
- Science makes everything better. - Nuclear weapons.
- Oh. - [Jackson] Good morning.
Good morning indeed. You ready to get to work?
I have a new idea on how to approach the carbon phasing.
Oh, thank you, but I'm gonna be all right.
Got some advice last night from a very special little man.
Great. They have no idea who you're talking about.
- I'm gonna get some pipettes. - I'll help you carry them.
I'm excited to try the butt stuff you taught me.
No, uh, it's not butt stuff in the classic sense.
It's more of a way of using your butt to make you feel good.
Mm-mm. Like a way of using your butt to help you achieve... Goddamn it, Dad.
Okay, so I was thinking
if we invert the
anode, we might accelerate the...
Come on. Come on.
- Dad? - No, it's working. It's working so good.
Reductive oxidant...
[groans, squeals]
That was my idea, and I will see you all tomorrow.
[Ellis sobbing]
Dad.
I'm sorry I couldn't make your butt thing work.
Just because something works for me doesn't mean it has to work for you.
You were trying to help me, and I know how hard that is for you.
I didn't want to disappoint you.
Oh, Dad, you never need to worry about disappointing me.
Oh, my son.
- Because you disappoint me every day. - [chuckles] Nice.
So, what do I do?
If I don't get back into the lab, your mother is going to kill me.
The carbon project was super important to her.
Well, if she kills you, she'll have to spend time with you.
I think she's probably enjoying the time off. At most, she'll haunt you.
Still, I don't want to wake up one night with her hovering over my bed,
disconnecting her jaw and shrieking at me in disappointment.
Hey, have you thought that maybe you're putting all this pressure on yourself
because you don't want to disappoint mom?
- But why is it only happening in the lab? - Because of the carbon project.
The lab is where you feel you could disappoint her most.
- Oh my God! Why didn't we think of this? - Well, I just did.
No, but I understood immediately.
Don't you understand? The lab is where I could disappoint her most.
Don't try to make this seem like your thing.
And you're not gonna disappoint mom.
She used to say, "The only way to let someone down is by giving up."
You're right.
No. She's right.
No. I'm right.
I'm not gonna give up. I hope you learned something today.
[upbeat rhythmic music plays]
[phone ringing]
Hey. How's your dad?
He's gonna be all right.
I figured out the problem, but then he took all the credit.
- Like you're taking the credit now? - Oh my God, it's in my DNA.
What are you...
[tense music playing]
[tense music builds, ends]
You had a piece of lint.
[upbeat rhythmic music playing]
[door closes]
Okay. Okay.
It was just a piece of lint.
It didn't mean anything. Science is stupid.
- No, science is smart. - [door opens]
Why are you so wet?
- I am doing the best I can. - Okay.
You know, I was thinking you should ask Jackson out again.
He's a nice guy. Do it.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Do I think he's cute? A bit.
Does it mean I want to dump Brian and date Jackson?
- Well? - No.
[inhales deeply] Ask him out.
Fine. If you're really okay with it, then I will.
Good. Thank you.
Ruby? Luna? Is anyone naked in here?
You can uncover your eyes. We finished putting our breasts away.
The lint test worked.
Hot HR guy picked it off me, so I asked him out.
We’re leaving in ten minutes.
Would it be weird
if I rubbed against Ellis so I could smell like him?
Yes, but no weirder than how obsessed you are with him.
I'm not obsessed with Ellis.
And I already hugged him two times today, so I'm probably good.
[whimsical music playing]
Hey, hey. Are you ready for that drink?
[sighs] God, am I. I just got an email from Ellis.
He wants me to look into registering his hawk as a service animal.
[scoffs] Sometimes that guy can be a little difficult.
Uh, excuse me?
Ellis. Sometimes he's a little difficult.
[whimsical music playing]
Didn't work out. Too many red flags.
[whimsical music continues]
- There you are. - And... no tears.
Great. How were you able--
Come here, come here. Look at this.
- See that? - Nope.
- What, that speck? What am I looking at? - I had a breakthrough.
Tell me.
You are looking at a particle of concrete made entirely from greenhouse gases.
We did it. And it's just the beginning.
- Oh my God. Ellis, this is incredible. - Isn't it?
- [exhales] - Look at you. Smiling.
Uh, I shouldn't be. I couldn't get the twins to stand down.
They have some embarrassing information about me.
Any more embarrassing
than the world seeing you hiding under some half-assed invisibility cloak
with a jar and a hawk on your head?
I write office fan fiction.
- Oh, well, that's not necessarily-- - In a world where everybody worships me.
In one chapter, I defuse a bomb.
I will give you $40,000 if I can read that.
No. I'm just telling you so that if the twins do release it,
you're not blindsided.
God, I hate those guys.
Dicks.
You know, it's one thing to come after me, but you shouldn't have to deal with that.
I think it's time for a little payback.
We have some smallpox way in the back of the cryo-freezer.
Mm, I have a different idea, but I like how you've lost all sense of scale.
[upbeat rhythmic music playing]
So we just hold one end and throw the whole roll over the house?
And the bushes and the trees. Literally everything.
Everything. Oh my God. This is thrilling.
Woo-hoo! We're coming for you! [laughs]
And if it rains, it's impossible to clean up.
Oh my God, I hope it rains.
Rain!
Okay. No more yelling. We're getting close.
Lights.
We move like cats in the night.
[whimsical music plays]
- [tires screech] - [Chaz grunts]
I think you just hit a twin.
Uh-oh.
[closing theme playing]
[closing theme ends]