Previously on The Serpent Queen...
I used to be just like you,
with nobody in the world to care about me.
If you learn to use your powers,
you will achieve greatness.
- How would you know? - I'm a fortune teller.
My dear niece, I have wonderful news.
Your marriage has been arranged--
second son of the king of France.
- Is the dowry complete? - How dare you?
You won't be entirely alone.
A distant cousin of your mother's,
Diane de Poitiers,
is highly regarded in the Valois Court.
You are short the amount we agreed upon.
He lied to me.
You have to stay in favor long enough to get pregnant.
Do you think you can manage that, hmm?
My second son.
Then something terrible happened--
- I fell in love. - Hello, cousin.
Henri seems such a fine young man.
He's the best man I know.
Henri?
And do you know what I learned that day?
Never to trust a single soul.
- Take this clumsy girl away. - Where are you taking me?
Sorry, It. Clumsy of me.
You can leave that. Queen wants you.
I fell for that trick before.
I'm not stupid.
She's picked you to be her maid.
- Why her? - Because you're a stupid tart.
Make yourself useful and get the tray ready.
Get this on.
Wake at six. Chores till seven.
Oi, Queen expects breakfast no later than eight.
Speak only when spoken to,
and there's an extra crown a week in it for you.
And get a move on. Get the queen's tray ready.
- Your ladyship. - Thank you.
Get that tray ready!
I'll get the tray ready.
Come up in the world, have you?
Can I be of any service to you, ma'am?
You can keep quiet until spoken to.
Don't sit the cardinal next to the duchess--
far too many friends in common.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you, ma'am.
Is this your idea of a joke?
That wasn't me. I-I promise you.
I--you have to believe me. I didn't do that.
Of course I believe you.
Something tells me you have an enemy.
Which one is it?
Nathalie.
Nathalie, I think, is her name.
Have to teach her a lesson, won't we?
What is it?
You punished me unjustly and then chose me to wait on you,
when so many others wanted the position.
Did I punish you unjustly?
Whilst I admire someone willing to make the best
of their situation,
don't ever steal from me again.
Do you understand?
Next time you want something...
...just ask.
Yes, ma'am.
Now...
...let's take the air, shall we?
I will continue my story.
The time to secure my marriage was running short.
In Italy, my family had fallen from favor.
Most recently an aunt had suffered
an unfortunate accident in her sleep.
Most days I was still able to find peace
on my morning ride.
I think I mentioned I sometimes have visions.
I did not say they are always pleasant.
How was Buttercup, Your Majesty?
She can be stubborn.
She was fine.
I could tell you liked a good ride.
What did you say?
Perhaps I can be of service,
since your husband is busy elsewhere.
If he knew my husband was not coming to my bed at night,
everyone did.
If my uncle, the pope, were to die
before the dowry was paid, what would happen to me?
- I wouldn't worry about that. - But if he did?
Oh, God. You're blood's in.
No one can know.
If the dowry is not paid and you are not pregnant,
the marriage will be annulled,
and we will all be sent back to Italy.
Given the recent fate of your aunt,
I don't need to tell you what that would mean.
You must find a way to get Henri to return to your bed...
whatever the cost.
Clean her up and burn these.
Hey.
You startled me.
- Enjoying a walk in the woods? - Same as you.
What were you doing at the burn pit?
Something tells me you're here to dispose of evidence.
What sort of evidence?
Your mistress is not pregnant.
A crown to confirm what I already know.
A crown?
I could buy a whole loaf of bread with that,
maybe two.
If you want me to betray the trust of my patron,
it'll cost you more than that.
What will it cost me?
An introduction to the dauphin.
Saw something in the woods on your morning ride, did you?
- Probably just my imagination. - Mm.
Then why did you summon me?
I need something to help me conceive.
It's for luck.
I don't believe in all that.
Well, no one does until they need to.
This will increase your chances of conceiving.
Ugh. What's in it?
Don't want to know.
He was right, of course.
There is nothing as powerful as the need to believe.
After all, if someone prays for rain and it rains,
who's to say the cause?
This is the ruling class.
Go talk to him.
He doesn't want to talk to me.
May I remind you it's not just your life in the balance?
I don't intend to die because the brat you married
won't do his duty.
Go and talk to him.
Incredible as it may seem,
these boys grow up to be major power players
in the Valois Court.
You've definitely seen them around.
Arseholes, to the man.
Lovely morning.
Want to join?
Looks like you could do a good scrap.
What about you?
You know, I always wanted to fuck a dwarf.
I, um--I found this on my ride today.
- I think it's a falcon's egg. - Yeah. I think it is.
Come on. I'm bored.
Um...
Uh, perhaps we could take another walk,
and I show you the nest?
I know you know all sorts of things about animals.
Henri, about our wedding night...
What about it?
I found it...
most enjoyable.
- Really? - I've missed you.
Perhaps we could take another walk soon?
Perhaps.
Hey, that could have killed us!
- Hey, but it didn't, did it?
Your brother is most disagreeable.
My brother is the dauphin.
He's the first in line to the throne,
and he'll one day be your king.
I would remember that if I were you.
My son.
Does he look like a king to you?
No.
To me neither.
Did you love Henri still,
even after you found him in bed with your cousin?
Yes, I loved him.
Henri was an innocent.
People could easily take advantage,
and yet my survival depended upon exciting his ardor.
It would have been much easier if he was more like his father.
Aha! Oh, yes, my little jockey.
Oh, ho-ho-ho! Giddy up! Giddy up. Giddy up.
Wha-what? What the hell is that?
What is it?
Uh...
Let's see.
Is that supposed to be me?
Guards!
Guards! Guards!
Call out the guard! Guards!
Men, with me!
- What's happened?
I swear by all that's holy,
whoever did this shall pay with his life.
- What is it, Your Grace?
Me! Getting buggered by the pope!
- I will not be mocked. - No. Obviously.
He doesn't even look like me.
Lost your way?
Servant's quarters are in the other wing.
- Yes, Principessa. - Listen to me.
I want the Protestant traitor who did this to be found
and strung up by the balls!
- Am I understood? - It will be done.
- Seal the castle. - Yes, sir.
No one in or out
until the culprit is identified.
I know. Just put some clothes on.
May I suggest immediate action
to quash this traitorous impulse
that has led to your abject humiliation?
- I wouldn't say "abject." - Yes, Your Majesty.
What did you have in mind?
Well, burn a Protestant village, Your Majesty.
Kill 1,000, women and children included.
That sort of thing tends to get the message across, I find.
Yes, uh...
make an example of a few, of course,
but I suggest another approach--
an olive branch to stave off any further insurrection.
Princess Adelaide of Prussia has reached marriageable age.
Her family is known to be sympathetic to Protestants
and their cause.
Perhaps a new match for the future king of France?
She might have grown into a pretty one.
- Eh, mon fils? - Possibly.
Your Majesty, I fear whether Protestants are appeased
or threatened makes little difference.
Until there is systemic change,
some pretense of religious freedom,
they'll continue to cause trouble.
Oh, well, I don't think systemic change is necessary.
A-a mere symbol would suffice.
Besides, the king has more pressing matters
- to attend to. - Mm.
Like the sultan.
It's been a month since the wedding,
and the man is still here.
Well, I can hardly ask him to leave, can I?
You don't offend the man
whose army has held Budapest for 800 years.
Well, then I will tell him myself!
- You will do no such thing! - Sir.
When the weather gets cold,
he'll probably leave of his own accord anyway.
Why don't you just have him move in with us permanently,
if you're so afraid of him?
Has it gone far?
Apparently, Your Grace.
My dear, I'm afraid I have bad news.
Your uncle, His Holiness, the pope,
uh, well, he's, uh...
...he's dead.
That's a shame.
Oh, well, hmm, my dear uncle-- it cannot be.
I'm afraid so.
What was the cause?
An issue of digestion, I believe.
Medici pig.
Unfortunate.
There is the matter of the unpaid dowry.
Oh, I think the Vatican will want it known
it honors its debts.
And then there's the question of a royal heir.
Uh, on this rare occasion,
I find myself in agreement with my cousin.
Let it be said that Princess Adelaide
has a very comely younger sister,
if the princess cannot produce an heir.
Has my son been doing his duty by you?
Any man who's not beating down his wife's boudoir
until she is with child
can hardly be called a man at all.
I can assure you that your son
is doing his duty most vigorously.
In fact, it is possible that I am with child as we speak.
Excellent.
Well, in that case, we shall just wait and see
if the princess can uphold her part of the bargain, hmm?
Very soon, I hope you will make me a proud grandpapa.
That's my boy.
Keep up the search.
I'm a patient man, but I want my head.
And you will have it.
Thank you for what you said to him, by the way.
You're my husband. I'll always stand by you.
There he is--
the wedding guest who won't leave.
Your stepmother doesn't like him much.
No.
My father does, though.
He admires him 'cause he's cruel in battle,
and that's the quality he admires most in a man.
Mm.
Probably why he prefers my brother to me.
When we were children...
my father was captured in Pavia by the Holy Roman Emperor,
and in order to secure his release,
he offered me and my brothers as hostages in his place.
- What? Really?
Well, yeah, and then he didn't keep his side of the treaty,
so we were kept there for three years.
Thing was, everyone back home admired him for his toughness.
Everyone except my mother.
She died of grief.
He says I remind him of her, which is...
If your father cannot accept the more sensitive side
of your nature, the loss is his.
Thank you for saying so.
Hmm.
We should get back.
Already?
I thought we could see the falcon's nest.
I'd rather you come to visit me in my chambers.
Yes. Yes, of course.
Tonight?
Lost again?
I need your help.
Well, you seem to have the ear of the king.
I don't know what help I can be to you.
I do not want to be a mother.
You should have thought of that before you opened your legs.
What choice did I have when the king called for me?
You can help me.
I wouldn't worry.
The king takes care of his bastards.
- You're hardly the first. - That's what I told her.
Place to live somewhere out of the way,
free meals, paid rent.
You'd be an idiot to turn that down.
A lot you know.
If you have something you care about in this world,
you can never be free.
Besides, I don't want to stare
at his face the rest of my life.
So what do you want from me?
Your magician Ruggieri will help me get rid of it...
if you ask him.
Sorry.
There's nothing I can do.
You're jealous.
Because I would prefer to spend my life
seeing to the needs of a bastard child I did not want?
I don't think so.
Get out.
Of course I was jealous.
Her problems would have been the answers to all my prayers.
How did you get in here?
I'm talking to you.
Do you make these?
- Yes. - They're very good.
That one's my favorite.
What do you think you're doing?
You can close your eyes if you like.
Henri.
I thought we could read the Bible together.
Uh, actually, I was on my way to see my wife.
- I promised.
There's not much point in that.
I happen to know her blood is in.
Right, um, I see.
And-and how do you know?
My cousin confided in me.
Um, then perhaps I'll just go and wish her good night.
Oh, a woman in her condition prefers to be alone.
Now, I've promised your mother before she died,
I would see to your religious instruction.
You won't make a liar of me, will you?
Ugh.
What's that smell?
Fetch my husband. Tell him I'm ready for him.
Well?
You don't have to do this.
"Father, I've sinned against God.
"The father said to his servants...
"'Bring quickly the best robe
"'and put it on him
and put a ring on his hand.'"
Oh, yes.
You there.
We don't have all day.
Duchessina.
That will be all.
I didn't know anyone else rode as early as I did.
My spies have told me
the new pope has no intention of paying your dowry.
In fact, he's made an alliance with the Holy Roman Emperor,
and since you're not pregnant...
...what will become of you?
Perhaps I could keep you on
as a lady-in-waiting or a maid.
After all, family must stick together.
You're getting so good.
You know, if Catherine fails to conceive,
you would have to choose another wife.
And what would happen to Catherine?
She'd be all right...
...if your new wife was positively predisposed to her.
- I suppose.
You could always marry me.
You?
- But you're old, so...
Y-yes. I'm-I'm older than you.
Able to show you pleasures
someone younger has no notion of.
But I'm not too old to have a baby.
- What would people say? - Do we care?
I love you...
as I think you love me.
Your brother, the so-called Holy Roman Emperor,
the greedy little shit, just stole Italy from me.
Well, I don't know what you want me
to do about it.
You knew all about my family when you married me.
Why do we even want Italy?
The people are backwards, hotheaded,
temperamental, ungovernable, by all reports.
My sentiments exactly, Your Majesty--filthy people.
They only started the Renaissance.
What have the Protestants ever done,
except nail the contents
of a suggestion box to the front door?
Well said, Your Highness.
Well, Henri, it's your dowry.
What do you think?
Uh, whatever you think, Father.
Oh, for Christ's sake,
have an opinion.
Forgive me.
My lady, what is the meaning of this interruption?
What is it, my child?
My heart is heavy with the troubles
I have brought you and your court.
My uncle broke his promise.
The Holy Roman Emperor allied against us.
I sh--I shall not survive the shame.
It can't be that bad.
You must find Henri a new wife,
if for no other reason but to ease my shame.
Make me her maid.
All I wish is to serve Your Majesty
and-and my Lord, our savior in heaven.
For goodness' sake.
We're supposed to be having a bloody meeting today, not this.
But you must promise me one thing.
Make sure she is young...
virginal, pure as snow...
someone as young
and as good as your son.
I ask.
Well played.
It seems like you...
you come to me all naked,
but your sense of sacrifice moves me.
I can see that you are a girl who knows her place.
Despite your failures, I...
I won't let you go just yet.
One must learn to exploit an opponent's weaknesses.
- Forgive me, madam.
It must be colder for the skin to contract.
Yes, madam.
Ah!
Good.
Okay.
Tell no one.
- What's that smell? - Shut up.
I think I can be forgiven for taking desperate measures.
I've, um, come to do my duty.
Oh.
All right, off you go.
- We shall leave you alone. - Just--
There's, um, there's an--there's an odor.
Oh, I must have stepped in something.
Um...
uh, I'll prepare myself a bath.
- No, no. No, no. - Um...
- I-I want you as you are. - As you wish.
Unless it's not a good time.
Um, Diane mentioned that, um...
you, um...
- y-your-your blood may be in.
- How would she know that? - Don't-don't know.
Um, you women confide in these things, do you not?
- It's passed. - Okay.
Um, great. Shall we?
- Do you need help? - Uh, I tho--okay.
- It's all right? - Yeah.
Ow. Fuck.
Oh. Fuck it. Shit.
I just think I'm--I just think I'm a bit nervous.
- Perhaps if I read the Bible. - You what?
Nothing. Nothing.
Um, will you just hold me a little while longer?
Yeah.
Can you see them?
Oh, here we are.
All grown up, eh, mon fils?
Welcome, Princess.
Two princesses for two princes.
I think it is in both of our interests
that Henri does not take what is on offer to him.
A new wife may not be as sympathetic
to her husband's friendships.
I can deal with that girl with my eyes closed.
You, on the other hand, will be gone by spring
if you don't produce an heir.
Henri is such an innocent.
If he were to suspect you've been disloyal to him
with a certain stable hand, for instance...
...spring would come sooner than you think.
How do we get him to take it?
I want it noted I have never condoned violence of any kind.
Can you put it in here?
I don't see why not.
Who's going to give it to him?
I can do it.
No.
You do it.
- Why me? - To prove your loyalty.
Someone told Diane my blood was in.
Reassure me it wasn't you.
Ready, ready? The hunt is about to begin!
Go on. Give us a hand, then.
Did you see her?
She's beautiful. She's perfect.
We'll be sent back, all of us. I've failed you.
- Wait. Listen to me. Listen.
I've seen girls like that before
come and go with their bright, vacant eyes,
button noses, bow-shaped lips.
They look exactly like the girls who came before them
and exactly like the girls who will come after them.
They're forgettable.
You are one of a kind.
Thank you.
Where's the usual stable hand?
Oh, he's taken ill, my lady. Stomach ailments, I believe.
Oh, how unfortunate.
You must send him my cousin's best regards.
We were always so fond of him, weren't we, cousin?
- I don't know who you mean. - We're off!
Ugh, thank God we've stopped.
I'm so tired of riding.
Let's see what shitty food these peasants have.
Oh, no way. Hey, look. It's a grass frog. Um...
- It's beautiful. - Mm-hmm. Hey, sing to it?
I sing to it?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Try it.
♪ You are ♪
♪ You are so beautiful You are ♪
- Here, Your Majesty. - Ah.
Where's your father?
- He has taken ill, sir. - Mm. Sorry to hear that.
- They make a cute couple, no? - Who?
Your son and that little tart from Prussia.
It's so pretty.
You should have taken me up on my offer
when you had the chance.
You could have been a wonderful maid.
Give me--give me the frog.
Give me the frog.
All right. There you go.
I mean, he is quite cute.
Sing to it. All animals are musical.
♪ Twinkle, twinkle Little frog ♪
-♪ How I ♪ - ♪ Wonder what you ♪
- Oh, jeez.
Could I have some more wine?
What's this? Fucking hell.
We don't have any wine, Your Grace.
Oh, bollocks. Would you fetch me some wine?
- She said there is no more. - There's always more.
You can't trust these people.
To lie and steal is their nature, you know.
Just as being boring and stupid is yours.
It's a joke. I'm joking.
- Stupid, man.
Ay, a drink, I'm looking for a drink.
Can't take a joke.
Oh.
Whoa. What a shithole.
- Oh. - Fuck.
- Your Grace. - Don't touch.
Ew.
You got any booze in here?
Ah. Here we go. That looks nice.
God. Fuck.
Sneaky little shit.
Oi! Hey, look what I found.
Don't I recognize him, cousin?
I believe this man works at the royal stable.
Do you know who is responsible for these?
- No, Your Grace. - Please. Please.
My husband is a good man. He's terribly ill.
What do you want me to do with him?
I beg you! I beg you, Your Grace!
You are a wise and kind king. Please. Please--
He has to pay for his crime.
Please. I have nothing, Your Majesty!
Oh, for God's sake.
You wanted a head, Your Majesty.
- Must we while I'm eating? - Please. No!
Oh, please! I don't want my--
Oh, if only she'd shut up so I can think!
Please! Please, Your Grace! Please!
Now you can think, Papa.
Oh, you didn't need to do that.
There, now you've put me off my lunch.
Happy?
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
What about the others?
They mocked you. They must pay for their crime.
Your Majesty, it's not necessary.
Make Henri do it.
Please, Your Majesty. Spare my boy.
Henri...
...finish them.
I don't want to.
Do as I say!
Really?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I just despise him.
I just despise my brother, and...
and I hate my father for indulging him.
Do you not see?
I feel no allegiance to either one of them.
Either one of them.
I serve only France.
You are twice the man your brother is.
Or your father.
You are.
Thank you.
The king is calling you.
You don't have to do that.
Would you bring shame to the Valois name?
Have I taught you nothing, Henri?
Do not disappoint me.
Please don't.
Henri.
Turn around.
Turn!
Won't you even look at me?
Won't you even look at him?
Well, are you man enough?
Aim at the center of his chest.
Make sure he dies quickly.
Princess, help me. I kept my word.
Why is he appealing to you, cousin?
Help me, please, Principessa.
- This is what you want? - Please. Please.
This is what you want, yeah? This is what you want?
Look at me. Run!
Please get these clothes off me.
- Your blood's in. - What?
Oh, God.
Translate exactly what I tell you,
and I'll make sure Ruggieri helps you.
Salaam alaikum.
Alaikum assalam.
Tell him I come here
as a representative of the Valois Court.
You can tell me yourself.
All right.
My husband, the Duke of Orleans,
would like you to consider an alliance between our people
to support him and his claim to the Italian provinces
promised in my dowry.
As it happens, I have certain aspirations
you might be able to assist me with.
Perhaps...
they'll be mutually beneficial.
Perhaps they will.
Your father favors your brother
because he mistakes his cruelty for bravery.
You are not cruel.
You are honorable.
The dowry that was stolen from you
is a stain on that honor.
But there is a solution.
You told me your father and the sultan
have a common enemy in the Holy Roman Emperor.
With him as an ally...
you could win back what is justly yours.
Ally with the sultan against a European monarch?
He's a heathen.
And fearsome in battle.
Your brother makes pretend war and kills unarmed women.
You can be a real soldier and bring back what is yours.
Your father will never again look at you
the way he did today.
Would the sultan be open to such an alliance?
We can but ask.
What are we looking for?
There is a root that grows near here
that will solve your problem.
Hello. Lost your way, have you?
It's for luck.
He makes me proud.
Rest assured, you will be under my protection
while your husband is away.
If Henri returns victorious,
it won't be good for French provinces.
I wouldn't worry about it.
He can't wipe his nose without me.
Let's hope you're right.
No future king wants a war hero for a younger brother.
Hmm.
If Henri dies on this mission of yours,
I will make your life a living hell.
If Henri dies, I will keep my title,
and the people will admire me for my dedication
to his memory, childless or not.
I'll be his widow, which you once told me
was the best thing a woman could hope to be.
Tell me, cousin, what will you be?
- What for?
I'm no longer with child.
Maybe it was a false alarm.
Maybe.
Or maybe Ruggieri's magic worked.
When you find life conspiring against you,
you must find a way to change it to your favor,
no matter what the cost.
Must be willing to make sacrifices...
cross lines that you never thought possible.
If you don't teach your enemies a lesson,
then they'll never learn.
Gunpowder.
Goes well with brioche.
She looks like shit.
♪ You're not rid of me ♪
♪ Yeah, you're not rid of me ♪
♪ I'll make you Lick my injuries ♪
♪ I'm gonna twist Your head off, see ♪
-♪ Till you say... ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ I beg you ♪
♪ My darling ♪
♪ Don't leave me ♪
♪ I'm hurting ♪
♪ Big lonely ♪
♪ Above everything ♪
♪ Above every day ♪
♪ I'm hurting ♪
♪ I'll make you Lick my injuries ♪
♪ I'm gonna twist Your head off, see ♪
♪ Till you say "Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her?" ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Don't you Don't you wish you ♪
♪ Never, never met her? ♪
♪ Lick my legs, I'm on fire! ♪
♪ Lick my legs of desire! ♪