1
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黑袍糾察隊：惡魔

2
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冷靜，好的

3
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–好
–兩位…也許我們就離開吧

4
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:29,613
–感覺不是個好主意
–閉嘴，絲凱

5
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我發誓，妳真是討厭的累贅

6
00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:34,201
妳幹嘛要來？

7
00:00:34,285 --> 00:00:37,621
因為妳想用我的手機訂毒品？

8
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還有呢？

9
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我剛搬來這裡，還沒有任何朋友？

10
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沒錯

11
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要不是我和布莉，妳還在玩非洲棋

12
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或是像個傻瓜
呆呆在看《偉哥兒童樂團》

13
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我只能載一個人

14
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我的意思是妳欠我們人情，絲凱

15
00:00:56,432 --> 00:00:59,977
所以我要妳上車，幫我們拿到大麻

16
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妳有帶錢來吧？

17
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不，坐前面

18
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我…我要一袋20元的大麻

19
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對，就是這樣

20
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妳叫什麼名字？

21
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絲凱

22
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妳覺得海洋怎麼樣？阿凱

23
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海洋？

24
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,801
我不是很喜歡海灘

25
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沙子會跑進我的小屁眼

26
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王八蛋！他發現我了！

27
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海洋大地

28
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王八蛋！

29
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水族寵物

30
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媽的，該死的魚！

31
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他們會告訴他一切

32
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幹！

33
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,628
給妳，快下車，滾遠一點

34
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兩位，我拿到…

35
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布莉？蒂芬妮？兩位？

36
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最要好的朋友

37
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應該是要抽莖的部分，對吧？

38
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我的表哥說，莖是最棒的
裡面有更多的大麻成分

39
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–給我，不要都抽光了
–兩位，我要告訴妳們一件事

40
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如果妳要大便，像上次一樣去後院吧

41
00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,333
不，不是那個

42
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看看這個

43
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這是化合物V

44
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新聞報導的那個

45
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這會給人超能力

46
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,054
絲凱，我們不嗑妳的液態冰毒

47
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妳快來抽一口大麻

48
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我不用了…

49
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抽一口，妳這個遜咖！

50
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這很棒

51
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好

52
00:03:22,286 --> 00:03:23,287
梅芙女王

53
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:45,059
她們說得對，這不可能是化合物V

54
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管它的

55
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好…

56
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老天

57
00:04:03,786 --> 00:04:05,371
希望這不是冰毒

58
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妳好嗎？

59
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:18,759
–是誰？
–救命，放我出去！

60
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什麼？怎麼會？

61
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我數到七，妳要用力推

62
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–為什麼數到七？
–一、七！

63
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搞什麼…

64
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:39,822
這不是真的

65
00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:42,533
–這不是真的
–這不是真的！

66
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,284
我怎麼會來這裡？我是誰？

67
00:04:45,119 --> 00:04:47,663
這個彈珠是我小時候誤食的

68
00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:48,998
我從沒看過它排出來！

69
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:51,291
等等，那是…玉米？

70
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國中的時候

71
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瑞秋韋納的墨西哥主題成人禮！

72
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那是我第一次吃烤玉米

73
00:04:58,007 --> 00:05:00,134
然後在跳《棉眼喬》時，我放屁了

74
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我還指責是艾莉莎科克伍
因為她身高203公分

75
00:05:02,928 --> 00:05:04,388
但是妳已經知道了

76
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好像我們…

77
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–心意相通
–心意相通

78
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拜託！我發誓我沒有化合物V！

79
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那個孩子，阿凱
有史努比體型的丫頭

80
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我發誓，是她拿走了！

81
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我怎麼找到她？

82
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我不知道！

83
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不，你似乎不明白

84
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這是我要說服沃特
讓我回歸七巨頭的方法

85
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所以我現在超級想要找到化合物V

86
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她打過電話給我，為了買毒品！

87
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謝謝你的幫助

88
00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:40,549
你想怎樣隨便你

89
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謝謝你！

90
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我不是在和你說話

91
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不！

92
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怎麼回事？

93
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只是…我討厭我的長相

94
00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,795
真希望我像妳一樣漂亮

95
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像我？

96
00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:24,760
我認為妳看起來很美

97
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謝謝

98
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也許明天來弄個小波浪

99
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我很樂意幫妳弄小波浪

100
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對了…妳有名字嗎？

101
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好像沒有

102
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妳想幫我取什麼名字？

103
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我媽叫喬琪雅，我一直很愛那個名字

104
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聽到這個名字會讓我想起她

105
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我可以替自己取名為愛蕾歐拉
而不要叫喬琪雅嗎？

106
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因為我覺得喬琪雅聽起來很遜

107
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當然可以，好

108
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因為我也愛那個名字，所以…

109
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謝謝，這是紀念我的義大利傳承

110
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所以妳有超能力嗎？

111
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任何一種？因為我肯定沒有

112
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,059
我好像有一種，對

113
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妳覺得如何？

114
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我覺得…

115
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但我不確定這算不算超能力

116
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我要妳再看一次

117
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愛蕾歐拉，妳聽到什麼聲音嗎？

118
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–我沒有耳朵
–那麼妳是如何…

119
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什麼？

120
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阿凱，妳好嗎？

121
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那是什麼鬼？

122
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愛蕾歐拉在哪裡？我何時能見到她？

123
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–抱歉，誰？
–愛…我的便便，我何時能看到我的便便？

124
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那是不可能的，絲凱
我們的研究實驗室正在研究它

125
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研究實驗室？

126
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:01,690
但她是我的朋友

127
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我明白，妳一定很困惑

128
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所以我代表沃特給妳這個

129
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十萬元？

130
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是一千元，但我們還會送妳
這台iPad整新機

131
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妳只需要離開這裡

132
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從此絕口不提此事，回歸妳的快樂生活

133
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但是…我以前的生活並不快樂

134
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好，妳必須離開了，再見！

135
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沃特

136
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一千元

137
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幹

138
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好耶！

139
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–愛蕾歐拉
–絲凱

140
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–走吧
–妳幹嘛又讓她進來？

141
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,890
她說她忘了她的吸入器

142
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–絲凱，不！
–如果妳被抓，我們再也見不到彼此

143
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–可是…
–我保證我會找到妳的

144
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數到七，一…

145
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天啊

146
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抱歉，先生，我只是來大便的

147
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好…

148
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下水道

149
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愛蕾歐拉！

150
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感覺我們好像…

151
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–心意相通
–心意相通

152
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絲凱？

153
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:03,103
愛蕾歐拉？

154
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:08,108
絲凱！我不知道妳會不會來

155
00:10:08,191 --> 00:10:10,819
我當然會來！朋友就該如此

156
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:16,158
那是我見過最噁爛的事

157
00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:17,743
而且噁爛的事我見多了

158
00:10:19,786 --> 00:10:21,038
幹

159
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,749
結束了，阿凱…或是絲凱

160
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把便便交過來

161
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:27,627
不，等等，把便便放進這個袋子

162
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,421
不，她是我的朋友

163
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好，這他媽的太瘋狂了

164
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照我的話做，好嗎？

165
00:10:36,386 --> 00:10:38,055
在開什麼玩笑？

166
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,723
這裡是我的地盤

167
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也不完全是我的地盤
因為下水道徑流

168
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溢放到大海中，成為一大問題

169
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也許妳聽說過
我一直在宣導大眾對這個議題的認知

170
00:10:48,648 --> 00:10:51,151
我和當地海裡的許多龍蝦談過…

171
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妳有超能力，絲凱

172
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:56,448
妳一直很強大

173
00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,450
我是說，妳服下化合物V以後

174
00:10:58,533 --> 00:11:01,495
我並不特別，妳才是

175
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…紀錄片的幕後花絮
歡迎妳的加入

176
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,337
但妳必須捐款

177
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:12,339
到我創立的大豬撲滿

178
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,966
等裝滿了錢，我會用鐵鎚打破它…

179
00:11:15,050 --> 00:11:16,343
妳在做什麼？

180
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:20,555
我只是在請求一些新朋友的幫助

181
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,683
那是妳的超能力？妳可以控制大便？

182
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,019
比你的超能力好，臭臉男！

183
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:28,105
現身吧，我的便便朋友！

184
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,817
便便

185
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,319
–糞便！
–便便！

186
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,531
是他媽的時候了！

187
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,458
什麼爛玩意，我要走了！

188
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,503
–好耶！
–便便！

189
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:01,638
遜咖，我們要去抽水菸
我們需要妳的金融卡

190
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:04,641
抱歉，蒂芬妮
我和朋友有計畫了，賤人

191
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,977
什麼計畫啊？

192
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,399
這是什麼鬼？

193
00:12:14,317 --> 00:12:18,822
–是時候…打敗妳了
–我們走著瞧

194
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便便

195
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改編自炸藥娛樂漫畫《黑袍糾察隊》系列

196
00:12:25,871 --> 00:12:26,830
由蓋斯恩尼斯著作

197
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字幕翻譯： 陳彬彬

198
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創意監督
張世幸