LOGAN ROY: Mog was tired.
She was dead tired.
Her paws were dead tired.
Even her tail was dead tired.
Mog thought, "I wanna sleep forever."
And so she did.
Isn't this a bit young for you?
Sometimes he still likes it.
Sometimes I still like it.
Are you all right, son?
Your dad was okay, you know?
- Yeah. - He was okay.
Yeah.
Kerry!
[PHONE RINGS]
What?
Careful now.
Talk to me.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
LOGAN: Gerri!
- Where are you, Gerri? - GREG HIRSCH: Wow.
That was actually a perfect roll.
Yeah, Gerri!
[CLICKS TONGUE REPEATEDLY]
No. It doesn'’t seem right. I don'’t want Tennessee Avenue.
ROMAN ROY: My turn, then.
Please be caught.
[CLICKS TONGUE] And once again, I'm on your shit.
- Ooh, that'll be me. - ROMAN: Hmm.
[MAKES SMOOCHING SOUND] One-fifty.
You know, I know what you tried to do with Dad.
What? Uh-- I thought that...
would've kinda been your dream, Rome,
me fucking Gerri with your dick.
Come on, dick pickler. Pay up.
[TOM WAMBSGANS CHUCKLES]
ROMAN: Seven, hey, that was perfect.
- Hey. Get-out-of-jail-free card. - SHIV ROY: Hmm.
CONNOR ROY: You wanna sell that?
ROMAN: Oh, waitress service. Okay.
I shall have a Cuba Libre and a club sandwich, please.
Oh, okay. Well, let me, uh, grab a couple of kid's menus
and I'll be right back.
ROMAN: Okay.
The service here is weird and slow...
and fucking my dad.
You still into this, Will?
You wanna take a turn around the gardens?
Mm... No, I'm good.
ROMAN: Oh, come on, Willa! Marry him.
He's probably got, like, ten years left in him
and then it's all gravy.
to become the subject of table chat, okay?
Okay, I have to go. Can I give my properties to Shiv?
- CONNOR: No. No! - ROMAN: No! [REPEATEDLY] No.
Okay, uh, the silly Forbes profile piece.
I'm turning ATN Citizens into a cash machine
and they wanna know how I did it.
Well "bigot spigot" is a little reductive and unfair,
but anyway, goodbye.
- Bye, Tom. - TOM: Bye-bye.
TOM: Will do.
- Shiv. - SHIV: What?
- [CONNOR LAUGHS] - SHIV: What? I was only stealing so I could win.
CONNOR: Yeah, cheating's part of it.
ROMAN: Oh, look-- Shiv, do you think
that stealing is what good people do?
Stealing? Cheating at Monopoly?
- Come on. Hmm. - SHIV: Oh, come on.
Yes, I will be nice to Kurt Cobain
of the fucking floaties.
- GREG: Hi. - COMFREY PELLITS: Hey.
He's just coming. Uh...
[INHALES] He needs a minute.
It was nothing.
ROMAN: Sure.
But, hey, you know,
if you find him in the pool again,
there's a C-note in it for you
to just let him sink, okay?
He's basically fine, they just kept him overnight to...
'cause I don't speak Italian, but...
no media pick-up,
so, all good. [CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY]
Good.
ROMAN: Ooh. [GROANS]
- Hey. - Kenny.
- Hey! - What's up, Ken?
- COMFREY: Hey. - Hey.
[CLICKS TONGUE] All good.
Well, I think we will make a song and dance.
- You nearly drowned, Ken. - SHIV: Oh.
No, he just fell off an air bed.
- No biggie. - CONNOR: Yeah?
Okay. I'm just gonna grab my kids, I guess, uh...
Uh-- They can stay here, I'm sure, tonight,
if it's easier.
I guess we'll see you at the royal wedding then.
KENDALL ROY: Maybe.
I might need to get home.
I'm talking to new lawyers.
New lawyers? Like, new new lawyers?
Yeah. Well, I can't really say, but, yeah,
just so you know, uh,
we're... Yeah, we're discussing putting everything,
like all the papers and all my communications
for the last five years, up on my Insta.
SHIV: On Insta?
- Ken. - [COMFREY GRUNTS]
Vanity Fair might be doing a big thing with me.
- The whole thing, so... - COMFREY: Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I don't know, whatever. I'm ready to...
I'm just-- I'm ready to really get into it all.
[INHALES] Yeah, thanks for...
Thanks. Okay, kids, let's go!
[SCREAMS] Let's go!
SHIV: They're coming.
GREG: All right, man.
He... [DRAWS WORD OUT] ...seems good?
ROMAN: Oh, man.
We have been talking to-- to Vanity Fair,
but it's-- it's mostly us calling them.
ROMAN: Hey, Dad! You good? We good?
Uh-- Do you want me on that call?
- No. - ROMAN: Okay.
Go on, Karl. What?
DOJ is gonna likely hit us with an historic fine.
GoJo's market cap has overtaken ours.
Okay.
GoJo's board may be considering entertaining other options.
- SHIV: What-- What? - Yeah.
Or is GoJo-- Rome, do you know?
Okay, don't get all sweaty, Betty.
I'm gonna figure it out, and I'll drop you an email, okay?
- SHIV: Thanks. - LOGAN: I'’m gonna see Matsson,
get inside this.
No. Stay here and play with your dick.
Uh-- I can come with you, Dad.
[CHUCKLES] No, come on, Tumbledown.
He's your pal.
Let's go see Hans Christian Anderfuck
and see if he's been telling us fucking fairy tales.
♪ ["“SUCCESSION"” THEME MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
♪ [THEME MUSIC CONCLUDES]
♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
You okay?
Good-looking woman, huh?
[CLICKS TONGUE] Yeah.
Yup.
So, what is it, son?
Are you scared of pussy?
Is it all screens or up the ass with you or what?
Jesus, no, God, Dad, can we not--
That's...
- It's all good. - Yeah. Well, it's just fucking.
If you need to get straightened out,
get straightened out.
- Okay? - Yeah.
[GRUNTS, EXHALES]
I don't wanna know.
♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
Welcome.
ROMAN: Hey.
LOGAN: Likewise.
Thank you for coming.
LOGAN: Not at all.
So, what do you think?
Are we doing this fucking merger or not?
Wow. Just, uh, straight in there, huh?
LOGAN: Oh, yeah, well, you know, I'm old.
[CHUCKLES] What do you want?
No, I like it. I get bored easily.
LOGAN: Yeah, everything is boring, isn't it?
Yeah, everything is pretty fucking boring.
Except this.
- Yeah, you got me interested. - LOGAN: How interested?
I mean, I've seen how your price is,
but if we stay tight,
So...
- Do you wanna sit down? Yeah. - LOGAN: Uh-- Sure.
Uh, Zuckerberg once--
- Do you know Mark, by the way? - Uh-huh.
Well, he once told me that, um,
they wanted to make all the slaves wear something
so they could identify them.
- Uh-huh. - It's just up here.
Like a cloak or whatever.
But then they decided not to do it.
- And do you know why? - LOGAN: Hmm?
Because they realized if all the slaves dressed the same,
they would see how many of them there were,
and they'd rise up and kill their masters.
Yeah, we don't, we don't love Mark.
So what? Does he have a kid in Malaysia
reading history for him now?
[CHUCKLES] I don't know.
But the point is, if-- if we wanna survive,
you and I, then...
we need a hell of a lot of little folks
running around shitting us data,
you know, for the eyeballs, for the revenue, for the scale.
No offense, but I don't think you have the technology
or the orientation to get there.
And you don't have the content.
Well, maybe not, but...
we're flying like a fucking rocket ship,
and you're sinking like a lead balloon.
What's your churn like?
Yeah, we hear you have problems with binge and burn.
We got the good stuff.
Sure, sure, some of your content is pretty cool, I guess, but...
business-wise, it's time for you to beef up or sell out.
A-- And you can't become a tech player
Whoa, he is in great shape. You know who he's fucking?
I don't wanna be rude because you're a legend.
Tank man.
So, you want me to come in your sauna
and tell you what a pretty pecker you got?
I'm just really excited about the future.
So am I.
Yeah, but...
are you? Really?
Well, that's something you say, isn't it? [CHUCKLES]
No, but I am excited.
But...
[SIGHS]
America...
When I arrived, there were these gentle giants
smelling of fucking gold and milk.
Now look at them.
Fat as fuck,
scrawny on meth or yoga.
I don't know.
[CLICKS TONGUE, INHALES]
Go on. Talk to me.
Your company and mine.
[INHALES SHARPLY] But, you know,
the street loves us. We're...
We're a strong buy.
We're up and we're staying there.
And you, you have this, uh...
this fine and all this other bullshit.
You're hurt...
or maybe you're tired.
Now, if-- if that's an option, if that's something you would consider,
then let's talk.
But if you wanna tell me to go fuck myself,
tell me to go fuck myself.
You're not fucking serious.
LUKAS: I would make everything nice for you.
I could pay you out, or if you want
control inside or outside of the assets you love,
I would want you to maintain prestige.
I'm not about making you small.
But you'd rule the roost.
It would be your board.
But I would structure it...
so fucking nice for you.
I notice you're not punching me in the nose.
- I don't know. - LUKAS: What are you thinking?
[HESITATES] I'm not telling you what I'm fucking thinking.
LUKAS: Well, I know what you're fucking thinking.
You're thinking every bit of me wants to tell this...
slab of gravlax
to go fuck himself,
except for the bit that knows that every word he says is true.
I don't know, I'm not sure I can swallow this.
If this is a family thing, I get it.
I-- I-- appreciate the anxiety.
And in terms of your son,
he would be essential to the integration process.
One hundred percent crucial.
As for the rest, your top team,
I-- I'd be happy to assess each according to their abilities.
This is not happening.
Right.
No. [INHALES DEEPLY]
No, I see that. Understood.
It was worth asking, huh?
But listen, do you wanna...
Do you wanna stick around for a bit?
We can see if the old deal has a shape,
side snacks, maybe.
I might be interested in.
An asset swap sort of thing.
Roman. Uh... You'd better get back.
You know, your mom and all her brouhaha for tomorrow.
All right, yeah, sure thing, sure thing.
Don't wanna miss the old nuptials.
Wait, but yeah? You want...
Well, yeah, my mom's getting remarried to a bowl of porridge
and it's all terribly moving, so I should probably...
- See you over there, Pop. - LOGAN: Mm.
[WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY]
Excuse me for one second.
♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ [MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
- SHIV: Hey! So? - ROMAN: Hey.
So? How was the Monopoly?
- Merger of equals? - Merger of equals?
SHIV: Well, is it happening or not? Rome?
Um-- I was not alerted
to this merger of equals possibility.
Mattson wants to de-platform guys like me,
round up the maverick thinkers into his digital gulag.
Um-- If you don't mind,
so I can't really think about that shit right now.
- Hey. - CONNOR: Hi.
- So, what is this? - Just take a seat.
[SCOFFS] Okay.
So...
we just wanted to get together
to let you know that we love you.
[SCOFFS] What?
- SHIV: Right? - I love you straight up.
I mean, I... suppose I don't want you to die, so...
yeah.
What is this? What's the angle?
CONNOR: No angle.
We're worried that you...
consciously or subconsciously tried to... [CLICKS TONGUE]
Are you trying to shut me down?
and that's not cool.
- I fell off an inflatable. - ROMAN: Okay.
Is this an intervention?
Why do you get to do an intervention on me?
Seriously?
Well, you need an intervention.
You need an intervention, you need an intervention.
Yeah, totally, yeah, yeah,
We'll do me tomorrow. Yeah?
Yeah, suicides jump the line.
You're addicted to booze and to drugs
and relationships and sex and work and the family drama.
No, sorry, no, I mean, look-- look who's fucking here.
I-- I-- I don't see it.
You, you don't have any standing.
So, listen, you guys can take this little committee
of public fucking safety and fuck off.
You need to stop trying to kill Pop.
Okay? You're selfish,
- you're self- centered-- - Connor, can-- Just--
- CONNOR: What? - Just...
- ROMAN: No, you can, just... - No, it's...
Let me lead, yeah?
KENDALL: Okay. Okay, look.
[INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]
But I just-- I-- I feel...
everything I've done...
has been with good intentions,
and I-- I do think this is actually about...
all of you and your shit more than me.
It-- It sounds like I'm-- I'm-- I'm...
being defensive, but I'm not.
I'm-- I'm-- I'm saying I'm hearing you.
But it's like, do you have any idea...
as the eldest son
to be...
you know...
- just have it taken? - Yeah.
What was that?
I am the eldest son.
Well, yeah, obviously, Con, but you know what he means.
[SHOUTS] I am the eldest son!
And no one told me about this fucking merger of fucking equals.
And what if I wanna take over?
Eas-- Easy, Con.
And I must be considered,
and I need to be taken into account.
Con, we're-- we're talking about...
- what I actually lost. - CONNOR: Shut up.
What, you're hurt?
I didn't see Pop for three years,
but your spoon wasn't shiny enough,
Well, it is not all about you.
- I thought you loved me. - CONNOR: Asshole!
I do love you. I love all three of you pricks,
but what do I get from you chumps but chump change?
Fucking chump change. Well, fuck you.
And no one...
No one.
But I am...
the eldest son of our father.
I am.
Me.
ROMAN: He is him.
CONNOR: Fuck off!
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
No, no, it's the other one.
It's coming, it's coming for you.
- You okay, Con? - CONNOR: Yeah, yeah.
Just a little tired.
Sorry about the tossing and turning,
The AC. Yeah. Sure.
I'm gonna lose ATN to a goddamn Swede,
so my campaign is fucked, and you're gonna leave me.
And I love you.
So, yeah.
Yeah, that and the AC.
Come on!
- Con? - What?
You're a nice man.
Right. Thanks.
You know what?
Fuck it.
As-- As in?
Fuck it!
- Really? - Yeah, why not?
You know, we'll have fun.
Fuck it, right?
- Hell yeah. - [GIGGLES]
Fuck it!
- [BOTH LAUGH] - ASSISTANT: Mr. Roy?
[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
- CONNOR: Fuck it, huh? - WILLA: Fuck it!
[SHOUTS] Fuck it forever!
[CHUCKLES]
CONNOR: [SHOUTS] Fuck it! [LAUGHS]
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Hi. - KERRY CASTELLABATE: Hi, Karl. How you doing?
How's the Wi-Fi?
Great. Rural Tuscany, real business hub.
Like his, uh... How's his blood sugar?
Yeah. He's amazing, as always.
Oh, yeah, of course. Powerhouse. Remarkable.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
SHIV: Have you seen Dad?
- ROMAN: Hmm? - SHIV: Is he coming?
SHIV: Is Dad coming, Rome? Do you know?
- Is the deal good? - Yeah. All will be revealed.
- All will be revealed. - [CHUCKLES]
[CHUCKLES] The fuck does that mean?
Who made you the Wizard of Fuck?
Um...
Do you not think one last check with Mom?
Right. It's just... I don't know if he's, you know, a hernia.
- SHIV: Hey, Peter. - ROMAN: Hi.
- SHIV: Yeah. - ROMAN: Good luck.
SHIV: You're not sure if he's the one?
I'm worried about the prenup, okay?
She has a prenup.
- She had her-- Yes! - She does?
the London flat that Dad gave her.
ROMAN: Well, what if he poisons her?
What if he pushes her down the stairs
to get this flat he so desires?
Oh, yeah. And what if, worse,
he fucks her with his dick?
Fucks her so good that she dies?
ROMAN: How you doing, children?
Do you mind chatting with Comfrey?
I wanna check in on the princess.
TOM: "The princess" now? I thought she was a contessa.
Yeah, but I guess through her dad,
she's, like, eighth in line for the throne of Luxembourg?
Eighth in line?
from becoming Europe's weirdest king!
Don't be silly.
and you'll be the king of Luxembourg.
You'd sound like a fancy cookie.
It's actually a Grand Duchy.
[TOM LAUGHS]
It's, I guess, really complicated.
She doesn't like to talk about it,
Um...
Oh, see. Now?
- Roman! - Get in there, Greg.
If Roman marries her, he'll invade France.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Hold on.
Yeah, yeah.
- I'll send your regrets. - Hmm.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Kerry, I won't eat down there,
I will take my omelet in my room, on my return.
- Of course. I'll let them know. - Thank you.
Sorry. Sorry.
I didn't delay things, did I?
PETER MUNION: No worries, Kendall.
- PETER: You don't know where, um-- - KENDALL: Sorry.
that Logan is not gonna make it.
You might have to just make do with me. Sorry.
- [LAUGHS] - How about that?
Darling.
♪ [HARMONIUM PLAYS]
[APPLAUSE]
- Hey. - Hmm?
- Rome. - Yeah?
- I have an idea. - Mm-hmm?
Yeah, fuck off.
No, how romantic would it be?
Imagine that, if you could marry Mommy
- on her wedding day? - ROMAN: Yeah, yeah.
Or tell them a reason that they can't be married.
Because she's the only one
Mm-hmm?
OFFICIANT: Welcome family, friends, and loved ones.
We are gathered here today in the face of this company
for the wedding of Peter Timothy Munga Munion
and Caroline Alexandra Helena St. John Collingwood.
- [OFFICIANT CONTINUES SPEAKING] - Oh, she's really feeling it, huh?
- I love weddings. - Me, too.
OFFICIANT: ...the formal commitment they make to one another...
[SIGHS]
- Jesus, what is she on? - Yeah.
- [OFFICIANT CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY] - Fucking kill me now.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[GLASS CLINKING]
SHIV: Okay. Uh-- Hi.
Uh-- My mom has... [CHUCKLES]
...has asked me to say a few words.
Just a second.
"Shit." "No." "What?" "Bitch."
[LAUGHTER]
And, uh...
other words like "totally" and "unprepared."
- [LAUGHTER] - SHIV: Right.
So, what can I say about my mom?
[CHUCKLES] Well...
she's been a constant in my life.
Eh...
...which I guess is testament to...
what a remarkable and... [INHALES DEEPLY]
...complicated and interesting person that she is.
And I have no doubt, Peter, that you will never be bored
in the brief time that you're married.
[LAUGHTER]
And you're a lucky guy.
I hope that your marriage
is as rich and happy, rewarding, and fulfilling as mine.
So, here's to, uh, the bride and groom.
- The bride and groom! - GUESTS: The bride and groom!
- [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] - ♪ [BAND PLAYS SOFT MUSIC]
SHIV: Do you think, uh...
- ROMAN: Mm. - SHIV: I mean...
what if it's all fallen apart?
Yeah? Dad's back,
- so why isn't he here? - ROMAN: Oh, relax.
It's, uh-- It's cool beans.
Since when do you say "cool beans"?
You don't have a fucking clue, do you?
- ROMAN: Hmm. Hmm. - Hey, hey, hey.
- Hey. - ROMAN: Hi.
Hey, uh, listen, I think we should, uh,
- say sorry for-- - CONNOR: No, doesn't matter.
Doesn't matter.
- CONNOR: Okay. - SHIV: Yeah.
to the greatest gal in the world. [LAUGHS]
- ROMAN: No. - Oh. She said yes?
Wow, you finally ground her down, huh?
Congrats, man.
Yeah. She know where Dad is?
That is another dried penis
from one of the great men of history, correct?
No. Maca root.
For Dad's smoothie.
SHIV: Mm-hmm?
Why is Kerry sandbagging?
He's working on his baby batter.
- What's that? - Maca root. Almond butter.
Dad's putting together
a more adhesive and potent gloop.
Working on his fucking--
- Are you fucking with me right now? - CONNOR: No!
He's gonna be rocking sperms like a little catfish.
- Oh, my fuck. - [CONNOR LAUGHS]
- Dad's scrambling the fighters. - CONNOR: Yeah.
- With Maca root. - No. Fucking-- Come on.
Not good. No, you don't tangle with the root
unless you're firing up the siege engines.
- ROMAN: Uh. - Jesus.
- I feel ill. - CONNOR: Do you?
- Thanks. - CONNOR: Anyway,
Okay. Well, we need a plan to kill this baby.
SHIV: Uh... Yeah.
Hey. What's going on?
Uh... Nothing.
Just Dad cranking up the trebuchet.
- TOM: What? - Trying for a baby.
- What? - Mm.
Maybe that's what he's doing right now.
ROMAN: Yeah. Maybe.
He's in the spawn chamber,
issuing his hell seed. Sure. I could see it.
Well, maybe we should get cracking? Space race?
What? You two?
- Should we say? - No, no, no, no, no.
- I know for a fact... - SHIV: Babe, stop.
she would have-- That would've happened by now.
She has had a lot of sex with a lot of men.
We may be freezing.
- Oh, you may be freezing? - Yeah.
You know why she's making you wait, right?
She's gonna make you carry it.
- TOM: Uh-huh. Very funny. - Yeah.
and then squeeze your little Tommy tits
for man milk.
I just heard that Larry Vansitart's PJ
landed at La Dante
- SHIV: What? - Yeah.
SHIV: Larry Vansitart?
Why would Matsson--
I'm trying to get a fix.
And Greg has been contacted by some assistants.
- Greg has? - TOM: Greg.
- Okay. All right. - Rome?
This could be any number of things. I think it's fine.
I'm gonna hit Kerry. Could you, um, talk to Marcia, maybe?
Yeah. Sure. I'll scale the...
north face of the fucking Eiger.
Jesus fuck.
I mean, I guess I tried to feel better
by giving a lot of money to...
- environmental charities. - Oh, yeah?
Which-- Or, like, to--
to-- Not Greenpeace?
No. Friends of the Earth.
Okay. Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
- Mm-hmm. - No, I, uh--
I have some beef with Greenpeace.
Uh-- Long story, but they're bad.
Yeah. One guy in Greenland just cashing checks
and eating penguins
Feel free to cut him down dead, by the way.
We are actually having an interesting talk.
Yeah, I'm sure you are. Um...
and you don't need to listen
- to the pauper. - CONTESSA: Oh.
It's not for your royal ears.
- No. No. No. De no. - ROMAN: No-de-no?
No-de-no, my friend.
I think you'd agree, Roman, that you're s-- a self-admitted,
uh... [HESITATES]
Sorry, I don't know how you'd say this in your language,
but, uh-- but a, uh... uh...
a sexual pervert.
- CONTESSA: You're an... - GREG: Right?
Funny guy.
All jokes aside,
uh, I heard that you may have been getting some tremors
on the assistant loop. This true?
A call went out on LackeySlack
because there are a number of advisors
in town from LionTree, apparently.
And they don't like the feel of the...
hard Italian pillows?
So-- But that's a-- It's a private chat, so--
Yeah, shut up, all right. Thank you.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER]
- [APPLAUSE] - [MICROPHONE FEEDBACK]
[ANNOUNCER ON PA SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
- Hey. Excuse me. Uh... - KERRY: Hey.
Um... Nothing.
Nothing?
And, uh, why are you lying?
Did he tell you to lie?
I have no idea what you're talking about.
[LAUGHS]
Because that's an incredibly stupid idea.
- Hey. - It'll be born old,
attached to a walker.
And I think Karl and Frank are in Europe.
Uh-- What the fuck, Rome? What is--
Are we being fucked?
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm. - Karl?
Hey, Karl, how you doing? Where are you, man?
At the office? In your office?
Great, well, I'll leave you to get on with your office job,
then, you motherfucker.
- Marcia? Anything? - SHIV: Uh-- No.
She's throwing out bullshit.
Did you see Gerri?
- This is ugly, Rome. - Mm-hmm.
- Um-- So... - SHIV: What?
Matsson did float, ju-- as an idea,
Mm-hmm.
[SMACKS LIPS] Uh...
And what did Dad say?
[IMITATES LOGAN] Fuck off!
Mm-hmm? But he stuck around?
He stuck around, yeah.
- Why the fuck didn't you tell me this earlier? - Yeah.
Hey. Hey, Ken.
Uh-- We might need to talk. Company stuff.
I don't-- I'm not interested, Shiv.
Okay. Yeah, sure.
But this is fucking important, okay?
Five minutes, please.
Just-- We need your line to Frank or Stewy maybe.
Kendall, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important.
Come on.
Hurry the fuck up!
♪ [TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
Okay. Well, Dad is doing us dirty, right?
Can you not make it a thing right away, okay?
We actually don't-- We don't know yet.
of them eating us,
but I think he was flying a kite.
Dad kind of shut it down.
Okay, he "kind of" shut it down?
Because a moment ago, he told him to fuck off!
Okay. Well, I didn't keep track of the exact number
of expletives he used, Siobhan, okay?
I'm not a fuckometer.
so he's looking for financing.
Dad is huddled with Karl and Frank.
- ROMAN: Mm-hmm? - Our market caps have tipped.
The local town's been bought out by a new set of advisors.
[HESITATES] Something has flipped!
Yeah. Yeah. But...
Dad would never sell, would he?
Hey, asshole, Dad would never sell, right?
- I don't know. - SHIV: I mean, would he?
Would we get fucking protection?
Can you guys just do this without me?
Yeah? I ca-- I-- I don't wanna get into it.
Wait a minute, Ken. [LAUGHS] I'm sorry. Ken?
Do you have an angle on this? Are you speaking with Matsson?
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
- [LAUGHS] - [PHONE BEEPS]
Uh-- Laird has called me, so what's that?
- KENDALL: Oh. - ROMAN: Shit.
Ken? [SIGHS] Can we talk?
Shiv, I'm not here.
Hey, buddy.
Hey. You okay?
[EXHALES HEAVILY]
There's something really wrong with me, Shiv. [INHALES]
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.
Uh...
Well, it's okay. It's...
I'm not feeling very connected...
to my children...
And, uh, I can't get one thing right with another, you know?
[INHALES DEEPLY]
Uh...
Uh, I'm-- I'm...
I don't know what happened. I tried to do something.
I tr-- I-- I really-- I tried...
I tried. [BREATHES SHAKILY]
ROMAN: I know, man.
- I know, you fucked it. - [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
Fuck you.
That's what happened, yeah.
KENDALL: I took a shot.
[INHALES] But it's like...
- it didn't matter. But... - It's just business, okay?
Like...
we're all fucked. Everything just sort of got...
mixed up.
I thought I had an out. I could see it, I could...
and I thought I could--
Out of all our shit, I thought I...
I thought I could take us all out if it. I...
I did-- I did try.
Mm-hmm.
But... I don't know.
I'm not a good person.
Well, whatever, you're fine.
I'm-- I'm bad.
[ROMAN AND SHIV CHUCKLE]
Come on.
Lighten up, glum-glum.
I killed a kid. [INHALES DEEPLY]
- What? - I killed a kid.
And...
yeah, they're-- they're coming for me.
They're gonna come for me.
Is this... Uh-- Is this real?
What the fuck?
Horse shit.
The kid.
That kid.
Uh-- You mean the...
waiter kid? The...
I was high, and I was looking for...
I was fucked up, and I drove.
And he saw something and he snatched at the wheel,
and we went into the water. [INHALES]
[VOICE WAVERS] And then I left him in there and ran.
- Okay. Uh... - [KENDALL SNIFFLES]
Let's-- We gotta get you-- Come on.
It's fucking lonely.
[SOBS] I'm all apart.
I mean, if it pleases the court...
[KENDALL SNIFFLES]
It sounds to me like he killed him.
Rome, I'm a piece of shit, man.
ROMAN: But...
the road and the water killed him?
That's what it sounds like.
Nah, man. Don't.
ROMAN: No, seriously. I mean,
you crashed, and then what? You did-- You ran?
[INHALES SHAKILY] No. No. I mean...
I tried to get him.
You did? Okay. See?
That's...
This sounds like the story of a hero to me.
I would've been straight out of there.
Serious, I would've been out of that water like a...
Don't, man.
[SNIFFLES] Don't.
Don't, man, I'm a-- I'm a killer.
[SCOFFS] Fuck you.
Bullshit. Come on. At worst, you're...
you're an irresponsibler, okay?
You're bigging yourself up.
Yeah?
I don't know, you guys.
I don't know.
I'm blown into a million pieces.
SHIV: Okay, we gotta get you out of here.
What-- Where do we go?
Bring him back to the chapel,
[BREATHES HEAVILY AND SHAKILY]
- [PHONE VIBRATES] - SHIV: Ah...
Oh, shit.
Oh. Laird's called me back.
- Oh, yeah? - Uh-- Yeah. Just one minute.
- Oh, yeah? - SHIV: Yeah.
Yeah. Okay. Take that call.
Leave me here with all the feelings. Thank you.
SHIV: Hey, Laird. Go on. What's up?
I mean, who hasn't clipped the odd kid
- with a Porsche, am I right? - [INHALES SHAKILY]
I mean, it's like a rite of passage.
I've killed a kid too, big deal.
Shiv!
- You've killed a kid, right? - Uh-- Yeah.
Man, you fucked my wedding in so many ways.
[ROMAN CHUCKLES]
[WHISPERS] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You know, one waiter down, that makes sense. It...
[KENDALL SNIFFLES]
- Please, man. - Okay, yeah.
I ca-- I can't...
You're right. I'm a--
I guess I'm just trying to say, like,
who's the real victim here?
[CHUCKLES, SNIFFLES, BREATHES SHAKILY]
Okay.
Uh... Okay.
- Sorry to... [EXHALES HEAVILY] - [KENDALL SIGHS]
...say this, Ken, but confirmed.
Laird is inside the deal,
but he's been cucked out of the lead, so he's bitter and bleating.
GoJo buys Waystar.
They pay a premium, Dad cashes out,
cash and stock, and he keeps maybe a title,
uh, but... [HESITATES]
and takes a few assets,
but it's Matsson's fucking board.
Can we trust that? Is that real?
SHIV: Kendall, I know this isn't ideal,
but we have to talk about this now.
[SOBS]
♪ [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS]
[GROANS, SNIFFLES]
Where do you wanna wait?
- SHIV: Yeah. Of course. - KENDALL: Okay. [SNIFFLES]
[SNIFFLES]
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY, SNIFFLES]
SHIV: Okay, so...
we gotta go stop this.
[SHIV SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]
- Mm-hmm. - ROMAN: What the fuck?
Yeah.
♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES]
Um...
SHIV: Rome.
ROMAN: Okay.
This is rumors,
so I will need to talk to him directly, just me.
Do you think you're close to him?
You're just his little rat fucker.
I'm just saying, as a matter of fact,
that Dad and I have been working closely lately
and I don't wanna go in too aggressive.
I'm not busting in there crying "Team Shiv," okay?
We don't know how this is gonna play out just yet.
You think dad is protecting you? Hmm?
No. We let Matsson take control, that is Dad slamming the door.
It means that he doesn't ever think that we will,
can, or should take over.
I just don't think we should be aggressive.
I mean, can we even actually stop him?
KENDALL: Yes.
needs a super majority in the holding company.
Mom got us that in the divorce. He'd need us on board.
Right. Well...
I'm not sure I wanna pull out a move like that.
Maybe I just stick with what I got.
Which is what?
Which is...
I think with dad pulling the strings...
He'll Romanov you and take you to the cellar and that's that.
Rome, you know dad is never gonna choose you
because he thinks there's something wrong with you.
I'm sorry, but...
instead of just talking it all out to Vanity Fair.
And the holding company move.
If we do that, that's real?
He can't sanction a deal without us,
that's legal fact.
Block him and he's fucked.
Okay, so...
[INHALES DEEPLY] ...time to rip off the Band-Aid.
We just-- We push him out.
We get him on his own, and we say "urinary tract,"
we say "shareholder meeting."
Yeah, he's out of it. He's fucking a 20-year-old
and he's planning for babies in jars.
So, I mean, even just fucking his assistant.
We tell the board that, he's toast.
We push him out.
Full coup.
SHIV: Yeah. Slide him out.
Uh...
You or me, Rome, CEO?
And the other one takes...
The streamer, but, you know, equal.
Okay, but really equal.
Really equal. If we do this,
I don't want you two cunts trying to big-brother me
out of my fucking piece, okay?
No, we can fight it out. It'll-- It'll be fun. [CHUCKLES]
That will be fun. [CHUCKLES]
take over the radio stations.
Oh, fuck.
[INHALES] I do think that,
even though this literally makes me wanna vomit
and I wanna kill you both every day
and it's all gonna end horribly,
I do think that we...
[INHALES] Puke!
...could make a pretty good team.
So, how do we feel about killing Dad?
Mixed feelings?
Rome, you in?
Okay. Fuck. Okay.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Well, Con, this is me layering you in.
But I can't talk about this right now
And also you're a little bit slow.
Yeah, thanks for talking.
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
We have a weapon: veto on the change of control.
It's from the divorce, so stop that,
and the deal collapses, he's impotent.
We're gonna force him out.
Fuck, okay. Uh-huh.
And where do I fit in, Shiv?
Well, high up, Tom, I don't know. It--
[HESITATES] We'll figure it out, though. There's a lot going on.
No, sure, sure, okay.
Uh-- But-- But-- But-- But, uh, high?
But, Tom, once we do it, right away,
we're gonna offer him the medical card,
secure the imperial guard,
tell him that he needs to take some rest,
and, sourced to us kids,
we'll get ATN to confirm.
Say like, uh, "Founder Logan Roy Ailing,"
uh, "Prayers for the big man.
So, we can cite you as sources?
- Yeah? - Yeah. And we'll stand it up.
Get ready, okay?
Jesus. Okay.
Good luck.
- KENDALL: He's in? - Yeah.
Hey, Tommy.
TOM: Hey.
Say hello to someone
who could be Logan's ex-wife's
step-cousin-in-law and heir apparent
to the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg.
Twelve times removed or some shit.
And potential count of somewhere
and legitimate claimant to the dormant throne of Italy.
What, Greg?
Me and the contessa.
We're hitting it off.
about her personal branding
What about...
- GREG: Comfrey? - Yeah.
And I-- I don't actually think she's that into me.
We're separate-bedding.
It's a guilt-free switch-up.
Slam it shut.
The verdict is love, Your Honor.
Greg, listen.
What's up?
So...
things may be in motion.
As in...
- Is anyone going to jail? - [CHUCKLING] No.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
No. So, um...
do you wanna come with me?
Sporus?
Can I ask for a little more information?
No.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
I might need you as my attack dog.
- GREG: Right. - Like, um, a Greg-weiler.
- GREG: Hmm. - [CHUCKLES]
Tom's attack dog.
Nice.
I have Brightstar Buffalo in my hip pocket,
I'm kind of a big deal, so...
You fucked yourself before congress, Greg.
That-- That's your opinion.
You're a fucking joke, man.
Who has ever looked after you in this fucking family, huh?
All right, uh, well, in terms of...
[HESITATES] ...where I could be...
getting to if I were to come with?
You could be heading away from the endless middle
and towards the bottom of the top.
[CHUCKLES]
my own, like--
- Your own Greg? - GREG: Yeah.
You can have 20.
Listen, I-- I have things to do.
Um...
Do you want a deal with the devil?
[CLICKS TONGUE] Well...
[INHALES, SIGHS]
What am I gonna do with a soul anyways?
[CHUCKLES]
- Souls are boring. - [LAUGHS]
- Boo, souls. - [LAUGHS]
Of course.
- Okay. - Okay.
- All right. - All right.
♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]
ROMAN: Maybe he's napping.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
- We're good? - Yeah, yeah.
I'm good. You good, Rome?
You can handle this?
Been basically planning it since we were four.
What if dad flutters his eyelids at you, Rome?
You gonna melt?
ROMAN: Me? No.
As long as you guys don't go water pistols in Bali.
Water pistols in Bali?
Yeah, water pistols in Bali.
I went in, and you fucks left me for dead?
SHIV: I don't recall.
ROMAN: That's convenient.
Hey, Dad!
SHIV: Shiv Roy. We're going in.
Okay, yeah, excuse me, lawyery man, may I see that?
LAWYER: Uh, no.
LAWYER: I don't know, I haven't seen him.
He hasn't seen him.
Guys.
ROMAN: Well, look who it is.
Hey, we're going in.
Oh.
LOGAN: Send them in!
ROMAN: Okay, um...
- Hey. - LOGAN: Hey!
Hello. Hello.
- SHIV: Hey, Karl. - KARL MULLER: Hi.
Uh-- We're just feeling a little out of the loop, Dad.
Oh, of course. Things have moved very fast.
Come in, come in, come in.
Um...
Yeah, we might be wrong,
but we're, uh,
we're hearing rumors about GoJo.
Yeah, that, uh,
we might be the target now.
Is that right, Dad?
Okay. I've been looking at some options.
Right. We might be affected, our positions,
so we wanted to get some clarity.
giving me the fucking doggy-evils?
Can you take him out, Romulus?
I'll fill in your sister and give you the angles.
I don't trust him.
Roman?
You can tell us together, Dad.
I thought we had this figured out.
we all hear.
Okay.
have been on the move.
Ours is a declining business.
There's a wave of consolidations happening
that mean this is the optimal moment, in my opinion,
with a serious tech operation
like GoJo.
And that's what I've been exploring, okay?
Okay, so, I would say, uh, on behalf of all of us,
uh, can you ease up and let us in,
stop this until we see exactly how we're impacted?
No, it has to be now.
- Why? - Because I feel it in my bones.
Oh, wow, no arguing with that, huh?
End of the day, that's all I fucking got.
Well, you know that's bullshit.
Look, this is the best moment to sell.
If I don't do the best deal at any given point,
what's the point of anything?
Come on, Dad!
Put it on your pile with all your other fucking bil?
Mm-hmm. Probably. Yeah.
And what are we supposed to do?
Make your own fucking pile.
I know this is a readjustment,
but our blood's in the water and I need to make moves fast
in order to control the situation and get myself
and you... [SNIFFS]
...assurances for the future.
Dad, once Matsson is calling the shots, we're fucked.
No, nah, he rates you.
And this is an opportunity for you kids
to get an education...
in real life.
but without you, we're fucked.
Come on, Roman.
[GROANS]
Let's get away from these fucking Jacobins.
I've got you. Come on, let's discuss.
Hey, Dad, I-- I know what he said,
I was there, but, um,
really, with Matsson calling the shots,
we're-- we're strung up in the town square.
No!
You have my word.
This is an opportunity, son.
Adversity, like me.
You can trust me.
You can't trust him.
Um...
We're here to say, the three of us,
to ask and to say
do not do this, please.
And what if I decide I can't listen to you?
We can stop you,
and we will stop you. Blow this up.
You need our vote for a change of control.
Yeah. You need all of us.
You need a super majority, and we can kill it.
And we will.
You're playing toy fucking soldiers!
Go on!
I have you beat!
Well, no, because you need a super majority--
Oh, well, no!
[SIGHS]
Uh-- Is she still on?
It's all done.
Can we get her back on?
ROMAN: Dad, what is this?
LOGAN: Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Hello.
LOGAN: Caroline, you're on
with Roman, Kendall, and Siobhan.
- Hi, Mom. - Mom?
CAROLINE: All right, well, I don't necessarily wanna do
anymore tonight, Logan.
Your mother and I have been reviewing the terms of the...
divorce agreement.
Mom, you fucked us.
LOGAN: And we've agreed
- antiquated. - Oh, fuck, Mom, he got to you.
Oh, seriously, Mom, already?
- What the fuck did you... - CAROLINE: Look,
I think everything will be fine.
Rex Hendon's dealing with it all.
Mom, you just slit our throats.
CAROLINE: Please don't be angry. I...
I think this is for the best.
Peter's so excited.
Oh, is he? Peter's excited. Great.
CAROLINE: I'm not sure it's been good for you, all the, you know.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I love you all. Bye.
Thank you, Caroline.
Dad...
- please? - Please?
ROMAN: Please.
That's a deal.
What have you got in your fucking hand?
What have I got?
I don't know, fucking...
love?
[BREATHES HEAVILY] You come for me...
You bust in here, guns in hand,
and now you find they've turned to fucking sausages.
You talk about love?
You should have trusted me.
- Dad, why? - Why?
Because it works.
I fucking win.
Oh, go on, go on. Fuck off.
You nosy fucking pedestrians.
- ROMAN: Dad. [GROANS] - KENDALL: Hey.
COLIN STILES: Mr. Roy. Mr. Roy. Mr. Roy, hold on a second.
- I need you to sign... - Who the fuck told him?
Who told him that we were coming?
Gerri, Gerri, Gerri, Gerri!
He's not well.
Well, I'm focused on...
whatever outcome best serves the financial interest
of the shareholders of the company.
How does it serve my interests?
- Later. - COLIN: Okay.
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
Hey, Shiv.
- Hey. - TOM: Hey.
Yeah. Uh...
You okay?
Yeah.
- What's going on? - Mom fucked us.
[BREATHES SHAKILY]
Hey.
[KISSES] Hey.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES]