Mr. Roy.
Hey, Logan Roy! Mind if I get a quick photo?
- I'm a big fan. - Step back.
Big, big fan. I love your work.
I love everything you do.
- I love all the racism, misogyny... - Step off.
- It's really cool stuff! - Security!
Woman: Logan, over here!
Man: That's my fucking piss!
You're fucking monopolist scum!
- Did it get in your eye? - Logan: Yeah.
Man: I hope you die!
Colin: Can you open this up, please?
- I want no one else in here. - All right, stay back.
Colin: Can we get another shirt down here?
We had an incident outside with Mr. Roy.
Roman: How many people do you think
pissed in that bag to get all that piss?
- I mean, it's just urine. - Logan: I'm good, I'm good.
No fuss, no fuss, I'm good. Okay?
- Are you okay? - Logan: Fine.
Don't get all over me.
- Okay? - Okay.
These trust-fund YouTube shits. Ugh.
God, we had a couple of these guys...
I'm here. Okay?
Now, I understand
you want me to go through my every thought with you.
I appreciate finally getting a chance
to talk through these very major moves you're considering, yes.
We've become aware
of some very desirable assets that are available.
A block of local TV stations.
Highly undervalued.
Oh, I remember those.
We still have one of those in my gym.
Oh, it's so great to have the wisdom of my son's
college drinking buddy in the room.
I just love the way he asks me for money.
No, I get it.
But there is a pressing issue, right?
Well, it's part of a larger strategy.
No, I get all that.
I'm just... all right.
I think the issue here, sir,
is that everyone fucking hates you.
It's cloudy, it's sunny.
You want to push through a massive, politically-sensitive buy-up,
and I'm reading this over my morning cappuccino.
It says your family is a horror show
and it's destroying america.
Mmm. Maybe we should buy this.
Stewart: Kendall launched a lawsuit against you.
You have fired half of your board.
- Your coo is a fucking joke. - Whoa.
Bro, that's what people are saying. Who cares if it's true?
People say that he's a coked-up dauphin
that doesn't know shit from shinola,
and that the two of you aren't even talking to each other,
which I am getting a vibe of.
Now, I could care less,
but even the advance whispers of this local TV deal
have people so mad at you
that they're throwing piss at you on the street.
Whoa, we don't know that it was actually piss.
It was piss.
Stewart: You want to go on a shopping spree.
I trust you, but can we please fix the visuals?
This is a family business.
But the family is fucked, and it's hurting the stock.
Gil: Whenever war has tested this nation,
we have won out.
And that is what I believe we face right now.
Nothing less than a war
against human inequality,
a war we must fight
to stop unimaginably vast power and riches
falling into the hands of an impossibly small number of men.
I'm not afraid of this fight.
I know you're not either.
This fight starts here.
I'm Gil eavis, and I approve this message.
I don't know, this class war shit,
don't you find it a little jejune?
- Jejune? - Yeah. It means juvenile.
Yeah, I know what it means.
I, um, just thought only assholes said it.
- No, I do not find itjejune. - Okay. Is this you pulling my hair?
Because why did you bring me in for this?
I'm not a good fit.
I genuinely believe he's going to be
the next president of the United States.
And you know me, I don't believe in anything.
Are you finished with Joyce now?
Yeah. That's as far as she'll go.
Okay. Gil could really use someone like you.
And this wouldn't be a problem?
What?
The atmosphere.
I think as long as we have clarity.
- Yeah. Right. Clarity. - Right.
And to be clear,
at absolutely any place at any time,
with absolutely no consequences,
I would fuck you,
and will want desperately to fuck you.
And that is just a permanent state of affairs.
I just want you to know that is my position.
You have all the power.
You can do whatever you want with it.
When did we start having to do this shit, Gerri?
The journalist is Leo lorenzetti.
The piece will be, "after the turmoil, the coming together."
At your son's ranch.
A family, a dynasty,
an American story.
It'll be a very compelling package.
And what's this shit? Who's this guy, alon?
Karolina: Very highly regarded corporate therapist.
Harvard business school.
Former cfo at a fortune 500.
He just worked with the sultan of Brunei,
and the bolkiah family.
Do they all have to be there?
Does the traitor come, too?
Well, obviously, that's your choice.
But the message, I think, is a family reunited in the desert.
A time to reflect, regroup.
Family unity is kind of what you're going for.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Gerri: And frankly, Logan,
if you can get Kendall to drop the lawsuit,
everything becomes cleaner for us, acquisition-wise.
Okay. Well, I'm not groveling.
Get romulus on the phone.
Let's do the email.
Hey, shiv.
It's con. Listen, did you get this email from dad
about therapy?
'Cause, I mean, this is, like, wow!
So I just need to check that it's not one of those spam things or something.
All right, so call me.
Tom: Oh, I like Gil, people like Gil, he's great,
but I have a sneaking feeling that if he won an election
he'd probably like to line me up and everyone I know and shoot us.
- Holy fuck. No way. - What?
Hang on.
Hmm.
- Hey. - Have you seen this?
I can't believe it. Dad's doing therapy?
I thought you weren't talking to me
because I didn't tell you about the vote.
I'm not. But what the fuck.
Oh. Very much the fuck.
Very much the fuck indeed.
The big man is breaking down,
and everyone's invited.
Well, not Kendall.
- Everybody. - This is bullshit.
What's he doing?
- Roman: Gotta go. See ya. - Please, Mr. Roy...
- I need to talk to Kendall. - He's not available.
What do you mean he's not available?
What is he doing, playing with his fucking legos?
He's nothing but available.
He isn't here right now.
Well, I know that's not true, so just come on, okay?
He hasn't been here for weeks.
- I'm sorry. - Bullshit. Okay, look,
will you just give him a message?
- No, thank you. - Tell him...
"No, thank you." Tell him to reply to the email,
that he has to come. Okay?
Tell him that...
Hey. Dad wants...
Hey. Um... no.
No, I don't think he's gonna play ball.
He's not talking. No way he's gonna drop the lawsuit.
Okay, that's fine, Roman.
Okay. Plan b.
Operation black sheep.
- Hey. - Rava: Hey. You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. What's up?
Oh, what time are we doing the pickup?
Do you ever look at Sophie's Instagram?
I was monitoring,
and one of the older kids linked to that shitty article about you.
What article?
I haven't been looking at anything. Deliberately, rava.
"Kendall Roy ran the streets of New York,
"sweaty and incoherent,
"ranting about a coup against his father,
"but couldn't find his way to the boardroom to start said coup.
"Is he back on drugs?
"We couldn't possibly say, but some people are saying that."
Rava, listen to me.
Okay, that's not true.
- Yeah. - Okay? That's not true.
Mmm-hmm. It's just that's what you used to say when it was true.
Jesus, I'm not using, rava.
I don't touch anything.
And you know that. Jesus Christ. Come on.
But look, unrelated,
this weekend iverson's got his tests,
and if we break his routine, it's gonna affect things.
- You know? - No. No.
Fuck, come on.
Please don't get angry.
I'm not fucking angry.
Okay? I want to see my kids.
Okay. I'm not on drugs, I'm not touching drugs,
I don't use drugs anymore, I'm not on drugs,
I'm not on fucking drugs.
Yeah, it's the paranoid rant that's so convincing.
Tom: Well, I actually think
it's really brave to go.
Mmm. Thank you. I'm a hero.
Ugh.
Can you imagine?
Connor, dad, Roman, feelings?
It's gonna be like tossing a bag of Uzis into the soft play area.
I know your dad doesn't believe
you didn't know what Kendall was up to,
and he spoke abominably to you.
And, um, just for context,
do you think it would be appropriate this weekend,
in a bridge-building way, for me to be speaking to Logan, or no?
Just do what you think is right.
Yeah, sure. I got it. I just, you know,
I want to have your back, and, uh, there's also my back,
and, you know, we're a beast with two backs.
Oh, I get it. You're your own guy.
I won't judge you.
Yeah, sure, I know that. I know that.
- Willa: Hi! - Hey, marcia!
- Marcia: Hi! - Hey, dad!
Welcome to austerlitz!
Logan: Thank you, thank you.
- Ah. It exists! - Yeah.
Marcia: Austerlitz? Connor: Mmm-hmm.
Marcia: Was this the name when you bought it?
Willa: Oh, it was racially insensitive,
so he picked a new one.
Do you want me to show you inside?
Karolina: Hi, Connor.
Hi, karolina.
So, son, have you got somewhere for them to set up?
So you're also working?
Just a few folks doing photographs and stuff.
- Oh. Uh... - Chronicles of everything.
Okay.
Okay. You bet.
- Great place. Plenty of space. - Yeah.
This works.
Connor: Oh, good.
Tom: Hey! Isee you!
- Hey! - Tom: Hey!
Willa: Hi!
Hello to the metropolitan elite!
Welcome to the real america.
Tom: Man of the people.
The people who work on his ranch.
- Hi! - Willa: Let me hug you.
Tom: Oh, wow. Wow, wow. Connor: What do you think?
Wow. Yeah.
- Oh, it's brown. - Connor: Yeah, it is.
- Is that a church? - Yeah, that's the chapel.
- We're gonna be in there tomorrow. - Shiv and Tom: Oh!
Connor: That chapel dates to 1878.
Shiv: Cool! Tom: It's a chapel.
Do you think dad will be able to cross the threshold?
Or will he spontaneously combust?
Connor: Good question.
Why don't you guys get settled in,
and then join us for cocktails this evening.
Connor: Randall owns the next ranch over.
I told him to pop in. Just wanted to say hi.
He's very big in pesticides.
Logan: Ah. Uh-huh. I don't need any.
Randall: Yeah, that's what everybody says.
Connor: Nah, I'm always ribbing him.
Did you know that three out of every hundred bunches of grapes
has over the legal limit of pesticides?
So you wash 'em.
You can't wash your colon, Mr. Poison.
- Why, I oughta... - Connor: Smart guy, put 'em up!
Marcia: He thinks she knew about the coup.
So Logan will talk to shiv as long as she says "sorry."
Well, I think that shiv's position would be
that she's got nothing to be sorry for.
I mean, obviously she's sad,
you know, there's sadness.
We could offer that.
Okay. The entertainment has arrived.
This is like the first stages of an orgy.
Kind of exciting, but also super-awkward.
- There. I did it. - Did what?
I just iced your dad.
- Hey, Tom. - Hey.
Can I...
Uh, yeah, I'm not in charge of you.
But go get me a drink.
I'm joking.
Roman: So where's the actual head doctor guy?
I wouldn't know. No one tells me anything.
Well, hope he can cure your serious case of being a bitch.
Ow. Fuck.
Fuck you.
Bet dad's gonna try and win at therapy.
Well, he hasn't done therapy with me yet. I'm an expert.
- Oh, yeah? - Oh, yeah.
This is what it looks like when you resolve all your issues.
- Uh-huh. - Mmm-hmm.
My guy says that if dad had had therapy,
I wouldn't need so much.
My guy's surprised I got through it at all.
I'm not sure you did make it through it all.
Uh, I don't think...
See, I will have you know I am very well-adjusted.
You, you're just good at hiding it.
- Mr. Parfit is here. - Thank you.
Okay, uh, Randall, I hate to kick you out,
but I have word Elvis is in the building.
- Okay. - I'll see ya, buddy.
I just want you to know
I think I'm going to reveal to him
that you sexually abused me as a child.
- Excuse me? - Yeah. You just would not stop.
You are one sick puppy.
You're the one who kept trying to fuck me.
Why would you say that? Stop saying that.
You don't really think that, do you?
No. I'm fucking with you.
The way you fucked me as a baby.
What is wrong with you? You're exasperating.
This one is threatening to tell the family
that I diddled him when he was a little kid.
Oh. Right. Did you?
No, of course not, Tom.
- Connor. - Oh. Hi.
Alon parfit.
- Hey. Hi. - Nice to see you.
- Happy you're here. - You must be broman.
Yes, I am. Broman.
- And shiv. - Yeah.
- Hey. Nice to meet you. - Hey. Nice to meet you...
This is Tom. This is shiv's fiance.
Not important. To the therapy.
- Uh... Con? - Come meet dad.
Alon: Yeah, please.
- Hi. - Logan Roy.
- This is marcia. - Nice to meet you.
And this is my girlfriend Willa.
- Nice to meet you. - Hi, Willa, how are you?
Right. Family. Um...
We're all gathered here in this beautiful home
because there are things to address,
and I believe we should address them.
I think I explained all around that, uh, we'll also have
a small celebration of our coming together,
with photographs, tomorrow.
Nothing fancy. Simple. Simple.
Anyway, without more ado, uh, let me introduce to you,
alon parfit.
Hi, everyone.
I look foward to, uh, us all sitting down tomorrow,
but I just want to say it takes a lot of courage,
and that is not lost on me.
I'm very touched.
- Yeah, me, too. - Connor: Thanks.
This family's broken, and that has consequences.
A missed phone call today,
a couple dozen kids lose their jobs in China.
Butterfly wings, but bigger.
Huge wings. Like a pterodactyl.
Or the Smithsonian.
So, let's fix our wings.
Barely comprehensible.
Kendall: Morning.
Man: It is gassed up and ready to go.
- Your key. - Thank you.
- Big plans while you're here? - Maybe.
Patricide? Fratricide?
Man: Okay. Sounds like fun.
- Enjoy. - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah? - Nathaniel: Good morning.
We're here. You ready to do this?
What?
- No, wait. Now? - No shit.
I'm in a hotel in Santa fe.
Oh. Well, I can't now.
I mean, the whole reason I came down here
is to do this family thing, and that's today. So...
Can he reschedule?
He's pretty fucking busy.
Fuck.
Doesn't look good, turning him down.
Well, obviously I want to...
Come on, shiv, this is huge.
- But I can't. Right now. - Tom: Hey, honey,
the pressure on the faucet's moderately intense, so go easy.
- I gotta go. - Nathaniel: Shiv...
Fuck.
Tom: Hey. Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, it's gonna be okay.
It's going to be okay.
Want me to come in there with you?
Into the emotional swamp, huh?
Pretty soon I'm gonna be part of this whole genetic carnival.
- It's okay. - You sure?
Yeah.
Alon: Morning.
Okay. Let's do this.
The therapy? This way for the therapy.
Like waving your kids off to school.
They better not gang up on him.
He's still frail.
Roll up, roll up,
for the festival of grievances.
- Okay, son? Good. - Connor: Yeah.
Okay. Great.
So, welcome, welcome.
I like to begin these things with a little prayer. Uh...
They fuck you up, your mom and dad.
They do not mean to, but they do.
They fill you up with faults they had
and add some extra just for you.
Now, I always think that's an interesting way
to start these things, but what I'd like to know is,
how you feel you would like to start this.
Who's going to tell us why we are here today?
Come on. Does no one want to take a pop at the champ?
- Can I just say... - Alon: Sure.
I never touched Roman inappropriately.
If he says I did, I didn't.
Shiv: Well, glad to clear that up.
He was gonna make a horrible joke, so I'm preempting.
Alon: Okay. Okay.
But I think the best way to start this...
Uh... I'll start if you'd like.
Alon: Yeah, please. Logan: Um...
Everything I've done in my life,
I've done for my children.
I know I've made mistakes,
but, uh...
I've always tried to do the best by them
because they mean everything to me.
Okay. That was great.
Oh, thank you.
- Well, that's nice. - Hmm, it is nice.
Yeah, sure. Agreed.
So, what do we feel about what we just heard here?
I mean, I hear it.
I hear it.
Uh-huh. Big words.
Good words.
Oh, I'm still processing,
butyeah.
Logan, do you realize how much power you wield in this room?
What do you mean?
He has a lot of power everywhere.
Alon: What I guess I'm asking is,
how do you feel about what you just said?
Look, everything I've done in my life I've done for my children.
- I know I've made mistakes... - Uh, dad,
you can't just use the one sentence.
Logan: But that's how I feel, Siobhan.
I can make this shit up if you like.
Sounds like you already are.
- Shiv? - Look, I'm...
I guess where I'm coming from is
I'm having a hard time diving in because,
honestly, I'm wondering why he brought us here in the first place.
I mean, was it for this photo opportunity?
Logan: No, no, of course not.
I wouldn't have brought you here for a photo and an interview...
Sorry. Excuse me? There's an interview now?
- Well, I told you, photo and... - No, you didn't.
What, so this is essentially a publicity event?
It's optional. There won't be questions.
This is not okay.
I have a publicist for this stuff.
Fuck. Con, did you know about this?
I think the picture is okay.
I think it's nice.
Rome?
I don't mind.
Alon: Logan, have you thought about the possibility
that your children are actually scared of you?
Oh, fuck off.
After what they've done to me? Fuck off!
Tell me, do you think you'll always do what you do?
What, the theater?
Yes, and what you do for money.
Uh-huh.
Uh, well, you know, I like my life,
and kind of just go with the flow,
so yeah, I think I'll just slide more over
into producing or writing or directing.
I knew a woman in Paris, she did what you do.
She was very intelligent.
Oh, thank you.
And do you want children?
Um, I don't know. Maybe one day.
Don't wait. That's all I will say.
The old biological clock starts a-ticking.
You could always freeze.
That's a way of putting off life.
I'd like shiv to freeze. Embryos, not eggs.
A little bit of me in the bank.
Thought about that?
So much advice! Wow.
You know, my friend from Paris who was your way?
She actually was murdered.
It was nothing to do with her being a prostitute,
it was to do with a restaurant that went poof!
What?
Hey, do you have any, uh, non-alcoholic beer?
No. Sorry.
Okay. How about, uh, sparkling water?
Mmm-hmm.
You a tourist?
- Uh, kind of. - Hmm.
Wow. Fancy.
Kendall Roy?
You here visiting family?
Connor Roy?
Kendall: What?
No, it's okay, I probably think the same.
- Yeah. There's just stories. - Like?
Like, he came in here one night,
he had this dog with cancer that he couldn't let the vet kill
but he couldn't watch it die either,
so he dragged that thing around the whole bar
asking somebody if they'd take it and give it a good life.
He said, "I'll pay you. I just can't watch."
Anyway, skunkhead Tanner over there
took three grand, shot her in the parking lot.
Jesus.
- What? - None of your business.
I was talking about skunkhead.
Don't talk shit about me, Janelle.
Oh, really?
Hey, also, can I get a double smirnoff rocks?
- Lime? - No.
Keep it open.
Heard you killed my brother's dog.
Alon: Look, can we go back to our agreement
where we put aside our cell phones,
just focus on what's going on this room?
Can we do that?
I'm trying to buy a number of television stations.
Okay, but could you do it later?
Fine. Tell me what more you want, and I'll dance the dance.
I guess what I want is for you to tell us
how you are feeling.
- How I'm feeling? - Mmm-hmm.
I feel...
I need to check my emails.
That's not a feeling, dad.
Maybe don't deny dad's feelings, shiv.
I turned down something huge to be here, and you're gonna tank it.
- I'm doing therapy. - I don't think you are.
Logan: I am.
Well, now you're denying theirfeelings, dad.
Look, what I think we should really have a conversation about
is the fact that Kendall's not here.
And that's because there are reports of him
running around taking drugs.
And I, for one, don't know where those have come from.
You don't have to worry about that.
What does that mean?
I'm not getting into that today. It's beyond the remit.
I don't really think there is a remit, dad.
I had nothing to do with those stories.
Shiv, do you believe your father?
- Well... - Alon: Go on.
Honestly, no.
I think this whole thing is fake.
Alon: Roman?
I don't know.
- No. - Roman: I mean,
he might not have meant to, but...
- No, I don't believe him. - I'm sorry!
I'm sorry!
All right?
I'm finished.
I'll apologize as much as you fucking like,
but I can't get into everything.
That's it.
Alon: You know, Logan,
if I'm asked if I thought that you participated in this family therapy
in an earnest way,
I don't think that I could answer in good conscience that you have.
Fine. I apologize.
Maybe I'm hungry.
I got nothing to hide.
Okay.
How about we take a break
and begin again, clean slate, this afternoon? Hmm?
Tom: So come on, come on, tell me.
What did everybody say in there, huh?
Was it nothing too horrible or upsetting, huh?
Was it just disgusting?
Hey, I'm gonna go down to Santa fe to meet Gil.
Oh. What? So everything has been resolved in there?
Yeah. Totally.
We're all completely sane. All resolved.
Oh. Come on.
- Can I take a car? - What's up?
- Wait. What are you doing? - The Tesla.
I'm going into town. I've got a meeting.
I'm not gonna take this seriously if no one else is.
Connor: But we're getting somewhere, shiv.
I can feel it. He's breaking down.
You're sweet and I love you, but you're delusional.
Well, you can't do that. Is that allowed?
Well, I think shiv is capable of making an adult decision.
But here's what I was thinking.
Why don't we all take a break, huh?
Just get out of our heads and into our good bodies.
You know? Let's go for a swim.
Everybody. You know? Get your dad out there.
- Dad can't swim. - Shiv: Yeah.
He doesn't even trust water.
It's too wishy-washy.
Can I have the keys?
- Thank you. - Seriously?
Shiv: Yeah.
- Hey, Willa. - Yeah?
Hey, honey, uh, do you know about the family photo for later?
Yeah, it'll be nice.
Yeah, well, um,
there was an idea that, uh, maybe you should sit it out.
Uh-huh.
I'm sorry.
No, no, it's okay. I'll probably end up getting murdered anyway.
Nobody's murdering you.
You're adorable.
You're UN-murderable.
- Oh, my god. - Connor: Um...
Look, you know...
You know I appreciate you.
I appreciate you, too.
And I think you're better than all of them.
Thank you.
Look, I know that we talked about this before,
but I was just wondering
if you could...
Well, would you...
I don't know how to say this,
except to say that love is a strange and peculiar affliction.
It's like a virus.
So could you please just stay here for a while
- and maybe you'll catch it. - Con.
What I mean is that you would have an allowance
and you would continue to write
and you continue to travel to New York,
and I would help you build a life in the theater.
Gosh, that's a lot.
Yeah, but we have so many great ideas.
Yeah. Sure. No, we do.
So we could do family, but we could do it different.
I mean,
we could try.
Exactly! Why not? Yeah?
Yeah!
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Hey, I love you.
And I...
I love you.
Connor: See? That wasn't so hard, was it?
Okay. Lot of wolf stuff.
- Yeah, man, I love the wolves. - Kendall: Uh-huh.
- He really likes the wolves. - Yeah. Cool.
Chang: My mom says I was a wolf child.
That's 'cause she never bothered to take care of you, Chang.
That's just fucking salesmanship of her neglect.
Kendall: Nice.
- You get wolves here? - Nope.
- No? Okay. - Fucking wish.
I never did meth.
And I'm technically sober, so this is kind of an experiment.
There we go.
Well...
There's a thing now that type a's actually can't get addicted.
You know? 'Cause we are addicted.
You know, if it wasn't for wolves, we couldn't speak.
It's from having to tell dogs what to do
that we actually had a need to talk out loud,
you know, to command 'em?
You guys, come on. We got a real person.
Let's not attack his brain.
We should get some more.
- Man: Fuck, yeah. - Yeah?
And, uh, maybe some weed.
- Right. - Some oxys, some...
Some goodies.
So, you like it?
Experiment successful.
I am interested in becoming a meth head.
Man: Yeah.
Well, we're the fucking right people, dude!
- Alon: Hey. - Oh, hi. You coming in?
- Oh, yeah. - Good.
Don't be afraid of what's down there.
Pretend it's our subconscious and just go for it.
I know how to dive.
Yeah, you gotta jump.
- You want me to jump? - Jump! Jump! Jump!
- Jump, ya fucking pussy! - Jump! Jump! Jump!
Excuse me, there's been an accident in the pool.
- What did he say? - Marcia: What happened?
Marcia: An accident in the pool.
We don't know if he got a head injury, or...
He just dived in and he hit the bottom.
Did you hit your head?
- He hit his teeth? - Roman: His teeth are in his head,
Connor, it's kind of a central feature.
Alon, it's signed. It's clearly signed. What were you thinking?
Shall I call an ambulance?
I didn't think he'd jump in headfirst. Hi, karolina.
Hey, Roman. Don't let him go to sleep.
I don't want to go to fucking sleep!
Let's take a look. The bleeding always
makes it look worse than it actually...
Jesus Christ!
Let's take him to the hospital.
- Really? - Roman: No, you're okay, man.
It's okay. You look okay.
It'll be faster if I just take him myself.
Oh, no, no, no, send your guys. Send Colin.
- We should stay. - No, I want to help him...
I want to make sure that he's not litigious.
Logan: Fucking great! And I was about to take advice from a clown
who dives headfirst into the shallow end of the pool!
And now everyone's fucking off!
Connor: It's okay. I got you.
Roman is here.
He's here for the photos, for everything.
- Sure. I give good cheekbone. - Logan: Okay.
Nathaniel: Gil.
Siobhan Roy.
The acceptable face of the worst family in america.
Yeah. Gil eavis. Stalin in a plaid shirt.
Okay. Well, happy meeting.
So, how are you?
Really?
Uh... well, my family's fucked.
I'm not talking to my dad, and my brother's suing my dad.
Sorry. If family isn't right, nothing feels right.
Yeah. And how are you? You gonna go for it?
I'm feeling really good.
Suffered some depression last year after everything,
but, um, I'm good.
And so, what, you want me to handle the message on that?
No. That's just the truth.
Look, Siobhan, I'm not gonna make you do a dance.
I'm finalizing. Nate and me want you on the team.
What do you think?
Well, I think you're too radical.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know.
The good politician, he figures out what people need
and then he sells it back to them as what they want.
So, this is a job offer?
Well, yes.
But there's an issue.
What, my name?
One section of my base would be outraged
for me even meeting with you.
Yeah, well, that section has nowhere else to go, so fuck 'em.
Yeah.
Look, if I'm gonna win big the way I want to,
to remake this country for the better...
Ooh! La-Dee-dah.
I need to spike your father's guns.
The papers, the news channels.
Oh, I can't help with that.
No, no, no, of course. Of course.
But I'm gonna go for his throat.
Legally, legislatively, hearings, referrals.
I thought I should tell you.
It'll be ugly.
And how do you know that I won't betray you?
Well, I guess I trust you.
I can work with Nate, but I can't work for Nate.
It's fine, it's just a, it's a preposition thing.
We can figure all that out.
The bigger question is,
do you want this enough to go to war with your family?
Cameraman: Can we do the walking and talking?
- What? - Cameraman: Walking and talking.
He wants us to be talking.
Cameraman: That looks good. Roman: Thank you.
- We look great, apparently. - Uh-huh.
I want you to call Japan.
We got the office set up here.
I'm tickling Sandy on local.
I want you to get into the government issues
- of the launch detail. - Right. Sure.
Do you actually want me to do that,
or are you just saying shit for the camera?
You're a c00, aren't you, huh?
Yeah.
- Well? - Oh, sure. I got it.
I mean, I was just checking.
Thank you, gentlemen.
That's really grand.
- Roman: Yeah? - This looks imperial here.
- Thank you. - Thank you very much.
- Did he say "imperial"? - Imperial.
What the hell does that mean?
Yeah, he's good.
- Yes. - Yeah.
I don't...
I don't know.
I...
Okay.
- Okay? - Okay.
Right?
Fuck, yes.
I mean, I told him that he would have to fire you
if he was gonna hire me, but...
- Uh, it's fine. - Okay.
- For the good of the country. - Right.
My airbnb has a, um,
memory foam mattress.
How about we
give it some memories?
Ooh. Wow.
Turn it off.
Let's just
sit here a minute and...
So I can think.
Chang: He sees Oprah walking down the street,
he's like, "Oprah, you get a car. You get a car."
He's so rich he needs a golf cart to pass the salt.
He's so rich
his goldfish wear furs.
Chang: Yeah, yeah, fish fur.
He's so rich that his sperm has little top hats
and monocles and shit.
Chang: Yeah. "Good day, vagina.
"May I enter thou?"
You know, I don't even care that you're richer than us.
I mean, who's better off, ultimately?
I mean, clearly, you are, but fuck it, who cares?
I do.
Guys, I gotta make a quick call.
- Yeah, go for it. - Man: Yeah.
- Uh, hey. - Kendall: Bro.
I've got a lot of important information in play.
- What? Where are you? - I'm in new Mexico.
- What? - I realize now.
Are you high?
No. I'm at some guy's house.
I mean, yeah, we've been taking drugs,
but I'm very clear.
Uh, can you drop me a pin, so I know you're okay?
Ro, we're okay. There's nothing wrong with us.
Just drop me a fucking pin. I'm not gonna come get you.
Do it now. Are you doing it?
Yeah, okay. Hold on.
Here ya go.
Okay. I'm coming to get you, man.
Are you doing the call?
Uh, yeah. Uh, yes, I will.
But, um, I'm going to get Kendall.
He's here, and he's not great.
Okay, go. Go. Go.
Yeah, okay. But no, I will. I'll make the call.
Who the fuck is that?
Kendall: Oh. Roman: Kendall.
- Man: Who the fuck is that? - It's cool, it's my brother.
Roman: Hey.
Kendall: It's cool. Let him in.
Jesus. Fuck.
Chang. Let him in, man.
Thank you.
Oh. Wow.
Gonna offer me a cup of tea?
I like what you've done with the, uh, wolves.
- Yo, Chang, show him your wolf tattoo. - Roman: Excellent taste.
Do the howl, Chang.
Roman: Wow.
Funny and cool.
Yo. This is Chang, Tanner,
that's Mac.
Roman: That's so great to meet you guys.
Uh, let's get outta here. Come on.
You know, I was thinking I probably shouldn't talk to you
given the, uh, ongoing situation
apropos of my legal action against you as a board member
for your failure to fulfill your fiduciary duty
and breach of my employment contract,
but then, I don't know,
but then I thought, "who fucking cares?"
What... is this...
What is this?
What is this, fucking crank?
We've been having a lot of fun, mom.
Roman: Yeah. That's good.
Yo, seriously. You should try this.
I would love to, some other time.
I hear that shit makes you, uh, crash like an airbus full of eggs.
Tanner: Not if you stay high.
Tanner makes good points.
I think this lighter is fucked.
Roman: That is a really good point.
Um, you know what? Let's get the fuck out of here.
Come on.
That's enough. I can fix that. Here.
Oh, hey,
how's the family therapy?
The therapy? It was total bullshit.
He didn't even do it.
- Kendall: He didn't do it? - No. He didn't.
- Come on. - Kendall: I'm coming. Let's do it.
Chang: Hey, man, yourfriend sucks.
- That's my brother. - Your brother sucks.
He's actually... you know what?
- He's okay. - Roman: Thanks.
Our people will reach out to your people.
Tanner: Hey, Kendall! Tell Bill Gates
my computer's fucked up from all the fucking updates, man!
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Should I call a doctor? Rava?
You want me to hit a kid, so I can steal his kidneys?
Fuck. I'm sorry.
I have to make a call. It's the...
It's the launch in Japan thing. Um...
Is that cool?
Kendall: It's okay.
Yeah?
You do your call.
Okay.
No. No, lion king.
Yeah, could you...
Sorry.
What, are you fucking four? Will ya knock it off?
I'm trying to drive the car
and not have a-weema-weh in my fucking face.
All right. That's enough!
_heyl -oh, hey!
-Hey.
You're late.
So, what happened with the, uh, fake therapy?
Any pretend breakthroughs? Any good performances?
Nothing. Our therapist died.
- What? - Metaphorically speaking.
He, uh, smashed his teeth out in the pool.
Oh, my god.
Freud would have had a field day.
Where you been?
I was meeting about a prospective job.
With your father's enemy?
Okay, I'm gonna go to bed.
Logan: I keep an eye on things, Siobhan.
I keep an eye.
Shiv: What is that supposed to mean?
I mean, I had a meeting.
You do whatever the hell you like, on everything, forever...
Why don't we, uh, chat this over in the morning?
Marcia: And he has to hear it from his so-called friends,
on the phone, dripping poison in his ear.
Connor: Jesus. Kendall: Family therapy!
- Connor: Kenny. - Family therapy!
Family therapy!
Kendall: Hey, hey, hey!
What up, motherfuckers?
Sorry I'm late. What are we arguing about?
- What's wrong with him? - Kendall: Oh, where do we start?
I'm off my nut, folks.
- Off my fucking nut. - Shiv: Oh, my god.
Like all the papers said.
Your dreams have come true. Congratulations.
Just so you know, I think things are good with the launch.
- I talked to the guy... - Kendall: He doesn't care, ro.
He doesn't even fucking notice.
Dad, give him a high five.
Come on. He's waiting. Dad?
You'd do that to me? Eavis.
The one senate member who wants to fuck me ragged.
On the same side as those animals that hit me with a bag of piss.
It's my work, dad. You of all people ought to understand that.
Work? It's rebellion! Sabotage!
Shiv: Oh, yeah, of course, 'cause it's all about you.
Not that I might be in agreement with his points about the purchases,
- or just maybe his whole philosophy. - Phhosophy?
This is nothing but a miserable deliberate attempt
to undermine my whole business strategy.
Kendall: You don't have a business strategy, dad.
Your whole business model is based on seducing presidents.
You're a really high-class hooker.
- No offense. - Connor: Hey.
Willa: Fuck off.
It's fine. My aunt's an addict.
It's been a long day. It's been really nice
getting to know you all a bit better.
- Good night. - Good night.
I gotta say I feel a little bit used today, pa.
Oh, for fuck's sake. Not you, too.
Where we are and all that's happened,
and then even tonight you have to go off and work?
I made some calls. Jesus. Can't you wait?
Can iwait for you to finish a few calls?
Yeah, I think so. I think so, pa. I've had a bit of practice.
- Connor. - Connor: Quite a bit.
Connor, your father has been busy dealing with these two traitors.
Disagreeing with dad is not treason.
Mmm. But trying to make one of his biggest enemies president
is kind of a "fuck you."
Oh, hey, dad. Dad.
I like those stories you planted about me.
That was...
- Yes. You forced my hand. - There it is.
Yes! And he's fucking lucky that was all.
What you kids do not understand, it's all part of the game.
Kendall: Oh, it's all part of the game.
Come on, everybody.
It's a rootin'-tootin' super fucking fun game
for all the family!
Step right up!
You run towards politics to prove that you're your own man.
Fine. But that's not principle.
You're scared to compete.
You're marrying a man fathoms beneath you
because you don't want to risk being betrayed.
You're a fucking coward.
Wow.
Wow. You are just beyond.
You know, I was born lucky.
I'm a lucky person.
I realize that.
And you're so fucking jealous, aren't you?
You're so fucking jealous of what you've given your own kids.
You can't handle it.
You can't work it out.
If I had spoken to my uncle like that...
What? Hmm? What would evil uncle Noah do?
Calling your daughter a coward till she cries?
- Big man. - Logan. Logan. Logan.
Logan. Logan!
You are a fucking nobody.
Fucking nobody.
- As always. - Willa: Good to see you.
I'm sorry. You know.
- No. It's fine. - Well,
you know, it wasn't great.
But you had some fun, right?
- Yeah. - You had some fun here?
- Okay. You come back and see me? - Yeah.
- It was really fun. - Buddy, I'm sorry.
-No, don't -it was just such a drag.
Tom: No, no. It was good fun.
- You had some fun, right? - Tom: Yeah, absolutely.
- Connor: All right, bye. - Okay. Bye.
Tom: Bye-bye. Connor: Call me.
Connor: It's funny, I wanted 'em all here.
But I feel relieved they're starting to go.
Willa: Hmm.
It'll be nicer when it's just us.
How far is it to a Starbucks?
- I have pods. - Okay. Great.
Marcia: That's it. There you go.
Marcia: All right.