1 00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:13,394 Oh! You only make that face when your dick is on fire. 2 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,929 So, you're certain? 3 00:00:14,954 --> 00:00:16,180 Definitively. 4 00:00:16,205 --> 00:00:19,066 The 36 HooliPhones that blew up at Hoolicon 5 00:00:19,101 --> 00:00:21,668 and the 17 that blew up around the US 6 00:00:21,703 --> 00:00:23,136 all had our code on them. 7 00:00:23,172 --> 00:00:25,839 Richard, these are real people 8 00:00:25,874 --> 00:00:28,508 with real crotches, and they're burning. 9 00:00:28,543 --> 00:00:31,244 We have to tell someone. This was our fault. 10 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:35,381 No. No, no. Keenan's demo was built to run on a $10,000 rig. 11 00:00:35,416 --> 00:00:38,250 Jack ported it to a phone in four days. 12 00:00:38,286 --> 00:00:40,052 They wrote sloppy code that's pinging 13 00:00:40,088 --> 00:00:42,336 the antenna constantly, looking for the goggles. 14 00:00:42,361 --> 00:00:45,924 That had to have caused the phone's antenna to draw too much power... 15 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,394 Which would overheat the subpar battery. 16 00:00:48,419 --> 00:00:50,543 And when we pinged our network on top of all that... 17 00:00:50,568 --> 00:00:52,122 - Dick fire. - Richard, 18 00:00:52,147 --> 00:00:55,075 what happened to being Honest Abe from now on? 19 00:00:55,192 --> 00:00:57,259 We committed a crime here. 20 00:00:57,284 --> 00:00:59,784 - Barely, Jared. - The fact that we hacked those phones 21 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:02,010 works in our favor. All of our code is hidden. 22 00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:06,148 Agreed. And when Hooli launches a new software update to fix the phones, 23 00:01:06,183 --> 00:01:09,150 our network will still be functional, Melcher will be happy, 24 00:01:09,185 --> 00:01:12,286 Monica will fund us, and no one will ever know what we did. 25 00:01:12,321 --> 00:01:15,623 - I'll know! - Yes! I'll know too, but I'm okay with it. 26 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,090 I'm sorry. 27 00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:25,666 What the fuck is this? 28 00:01:25,701 --> 00:01:28,168 I write three letters every time I start a job... 29 00:01:29,077 --> 00:01:30,676 a personal action plan, 30 00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:32,678 a letter to my 40-year-old self, 31 00:01:32,713 --> 00:01:35,114 and that, a resignation letter. 32 00:01:35,805 --> 00:01:39,185 Uh, I'll be moving my things back into my condo. 33 00:01:39,220 --> 00:01:41,887 - What about your squatter? - Oh, he's been out for months. 34 00:01:41,923 --> 00:01:45,723 He left to go sell cocaine at the Keystone Pipeline protests. 35 00:01:45,759 --> 00:01:48,293 I've just been staying in the garage out of solidarity. 36 00:01:48,562 --> 00:01:49,928 You can't leave. 37 00:01:50,135 --> 00:01:51,796 - Don't beg, Richard. - I'm not. 38 00:01:51,831 --> 00:01:54,466 According to the employee handbook, 39 00:01:54,501 --> 00:01:58,319 which you wrote, an employee cannot leave 40 00:01:58,344 --> 00:02:00,237 without giving two weeks' notice. 41 00:02:01,541 --> 00:02:03,307 You... you read the handbook? 42 00:02:03,342 --> 00:02:07,078 - Yeah, I did. - All right, fine. 43 00:02:07,113 --> 00:02:08,946 I'll fulfill my duties under protest, 44 00:02:08,981 --> 00:02:11,449 but I will not do anything illegal 45 00:02:11,484 --> 00:02:14,051 nor unethical, and I will not lie. 46 00:02:14,087 --> 00:02:17,753 I already have upwards of 50 burnt perinea on my conscience. 47 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,189 Richard, that's enough. 48 00:02:20,525 --> 00:02:22,592 Consider that my two weeks' notice. 49 00:02:27,465 --> 00:02:29,513 All right. Keep an eye on HooliNews, 50 00:02:29,538 --> 00:02:32,972 and let me know when Jack announces the HooliPhone update. 51 00:02:33,007 --> 00:02:36,608 What do you mean you're not issuing a software update? 52 00:02:36,644 --> 00:02:40,279 Who can say why the phone Gavin Belson brought to market 53 00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:45,750 started exploding when we put Keenan Feldspar's technology on it? Huh? 54 00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:49,254 Is it Gavin's fault? Is it Keenan's fault? Is it 50-50? Who knows? 55 00:02:49,290 --> 00:02:51,322 We need to change the narrative here. 56 00:02:51,357 --> 00:02:54,392 Has anyone flown commercial recently? 57 00:02:56,262 --> 00:02:59,797 Nor have I, but apparently they're still making the announcements 58 00:02:59,832 --> 00:03:03,568 at the gate about Samsung Galaxy Note 7 being banned. 59 00:03:03,603 --> 00:03:07,360 We can't have people believing that our phones blow up airplanes, 60 00:03:07,385 --> 00:03:10,840 no matter how much Gavin and/or Keenan may have wanted it. 61 00:03:10,875 --> 00:03:12,909 It's lethal PR. 62 00:03:12,944 --> 00:03:15,011 We need to get ahead of this one, 63 00:03:15,046 --> 00:03:17,013 which is why I am going to pull 64 00:03:17,048 --> 00:03:20,650 every last affected HooliPhone out of circulation 65 00:03:20,686 --> 00:03:22,919 and replace it in the next three days. 66 00:03:22,954 --> 00:03:25,621 That's over nine million devices. 67 00:03:25,656 --> 00:03:29,325 Gavin Belson had to move heaven and earth to get our China plants 68 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:31,627 up to a capacity of two million per day, 69 00:03:31,662 --> 00:03:34,996 and his negotiations with labor were extremely delicate. 70 00:03:35,032 --> 00:03:38,434 Well, China has never negotiated with Jack Barker. 71 00:03:38,469 --> 00:03:41,470 What you're proposing is staggeringly expensive 72 00:03:41,505 --> 00:03:43,671 and borderline impossible. 73 00:03:43,707 --> 00:03:44,872 We won't approve it. 74 00:03:47,043 --> 00:03:49,711 I see. Uh... 75 00:03:49,746 --> 00:03:52,947 Slight hitch. I may have instructed my comms team 76 00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:56,384 to issue a press release announcing the recall... 77 00:03:56,419 --> 00:03:58,353 and it should be going out at... 78 00:03:59,988 --> 00:04:01,821 - Yeah, it's out. - Jack. 79 00:04:01,857 --> 00:04:05,259 I'll tell you what: let's just gas up that HooliJet, 80 00:04:05,294 --> 00:04:09,730 and I am going to go ahead and go to China! 81 00:04:21,676 --> 00:04:24,926 So, every fucking HooliPhone that we're on 82 00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:26,647 is being pulled out of service and replaced 83 00:04:26,648 --> 00:04:28,481 with a new one that doesn't have our code on it. 84 00:04:28,516 --> 00:04:30,583 Half of our storage capacity just gone. 85 00:04:30,618 --> 00:04:33,618 Where the fuck are we gonna put all of Melcher's data? 86 00:04:34,090 --> 00:04:38,228 Wait. We have a server farm in the garage, right? 87 00:04:38,253 --> 00:04:40,370 Now, don't you think if Anton could've saved our ass, 88 00:04:40,394 --> 00:04:41,560 I would've suggested it by now? 89 00:04:41,561 --> 00:04:43,762 - Why can't it work? - What are you, fucking stupid? 90 00:04:43,797 --> 00:04:45,463 In order to hold that much data, 91 00:04:45,499 --> 00:04:47,925 we would have to go RAID zero, no backup, 92 00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:49,834 so if we lose even one platter, 93 00:04:49,869 --> 00:04:52,035 we lose Melcher's data... permanently. 94 00:04:52,070 --> 00:04:54,004 Plus, in Anton's present condition, 95 00:04:54,029 --> 00:04:55,472 I'm afraid he might totally melt down. 96 00:04:55,508 --> 00:04:58,275 - We have to call Melcher. - No, we are not calling Melcher. 97 00:04:58,311 --> 00:05:01,044 If we tell him about any of this, that would be suicide. 98 00:05:01,079 --> 00:05:02,879 Look, if we're gonna die, let's just die. 99 00:05:02,915 --> 00:05:04,418 Why do we have to take Anton with us? 100 00:05:04,443 --> 00:05:06,917 Jesus, man. You know that thing's not alive, right? 101 00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:09,051 - Fuck your dumb machine. - Wait. Do you? 102 00:05:09,086 --> 00:05:10,620 Do you actually fuck your dumb machine? 103 00:05:10,655 --> 00:05:12,355 - Is that the secret on your phone? - Fuck you. 104 00:05:12,390 --> 00:05:14,136 - Fuck you! Do you raw-dog it? - Guys. Guys. Guys! 105 00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:16,795 Or do you put a condom on your tiny penis and fuck it in safe mode? 106 00:05:16,820 --> 00:05:18,795 Just fuck each other and get it over with. "Oh, Anton, fuck me!" 107 00:05:18,830 --> 00:05:21,163 I will fuck both of you... 108 00:05:21,199 --> 00:05:24,700 - Gentlemen! This is Gladys. - Fuck you. 109 00:05:24,735 --> 00:05:27,001 She's interviewing to be my replacement. 110 00:05:28,038 --> 00:05:29,103 Hello. 111 00:05:29,922 --> 00:05:31,054 I like your sweater. 112 00:05:31,079 --> 00:05:32,679 Maybe let's talk outside. 113 00:05:32,843 --> 00:05:34,843 - Great. - It's just right through here. 114 00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:38,513 Gilfoyle, Anton is going to be fine, okay? 115 00:05:38,549 --> 00:05:41,349 Just spin him up. Please? 116 00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:43,217 All right, buddy. 117 00:05:44,025 --> 00:05:45,786 Let's see what you're made of. 118 00:06:02,057 --> 00:06:03,613 Outstanding. 119 00:06:03,638 --> 00:06:06,840 I'm sorry that you had to witness that scene in there. 120 00:06:06,875 --> 00:06:10,643 It probably gave you the impression that the company is in disarray, 121 00:06:10,679 --> 00:06:14,547 but I can assure you, there's a very simple explanation for that. 122 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,148 - It... it is. - Sorry? 123 00:06:17,184 --> 00:06:20,986 Yeah, even setting aside our CEO's sexual distortion, 124 00:06:21,021 --> 00:06:24,423 adultery, and lowbrow scatlogical vandalism, 125 00:06:24,458 --> 00:06:28,273 we're still essentially a... a criminal operation 126 00:06:28,298 --> 00:06:32,200 whose only real product is dangerous malware. 127 00:06:33,044 --> 00:06:35,812 I see you're fluent in Japanese. 128 00:06:35,902 --> 00:06:39,003 Are... are you gonna be comfortable with casual racism? 129 00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:42,828 I'm sorry. What happened here? 130 00:06:44,411 --> 00:06:45,543 Uh, arson. 131 00:06:56,021 --> 00:06:59,355 - Hsst! Gavin. - What? 132 00:06:59,391 --> 00:07:01,625 That wasn't really breakfast, was it? 133 00:07:02,861 --> 00:07:03,827 Yeah. 134 00:07:03,862 --> 00:07:06,029 - Seriously? - Shh! 135 00:07:17,107 --> 00:07:18,006 What are you doing? 136 00:07:18,042 --> 00:07:19,909 Well, I'm watching an episode of House. 137 00:07:19,944 --> 00:07:22,745 Put that fucking thing away. 138 00:07:22,780 --> 00:07:24,111 Are you afraid it's gonna blow up? 139 00:07:24,147 --> 00:07:26,047 'Cause it won't. It's not a HooliPhone. 140 00:07:29,218 --> 00:07:31,052 Why would a HooliPhone blow up? 141 00:07:32,255 --> 00:07:34,422 Hey! We're done with the migrating! 142 00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:35,957 How's it going in here? 143 00:07:35,992 --> 00:07:38,760 Don't touch the fucking lights. One surge and we're dead. 144 00:07:38,795 --> 00:07:41,204 - What the fuck? - What? 145 00:07:41,688 --> 00:07:43,597 Oh, the eyes. They're contacts. 146 00:07:43,632 --> 00:07:45,065 Okay, how we looking? 147 00:07:45,100 --> 00:07:46,667 Jesus Christ! 148 00:07:46,702 --> 00:07:49,503 I broke my glasses. I don't have an extra pair, 149 00:07:49,538 --> 00:07:52,973 so I had to pull these out of a drawer. I had 'em made for All Hallows' Eve. 150 00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:54,441 I was a cat. 151 00:07:54,477 --> 00:07:56,376 How are we looking? Did it all fit? 152 00:07:56,411 --> 00:07:59,011 Yes, but Anton is overheating already. 153 00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:00,980 We're about to fry three of our platters. 154 00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:02,849 I said this was a bad idea. 155 00:08:02,884 --> 00:08:05,518 Fuck. What are we gonna do? 156 00:08:05,553 --> 00:08:10,255 Excuse me. Just FYI, Gladys turned us down. 157 00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:22,000 Oh, hey, Richard, long time, no talk. 158 00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,568 Yeah, we've all been busy, so. 159 00:08:23,604 --> 00:08:25,871 - Oh yeah? - Yeah. Hey, listen, Big Head, 160 00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:28,375 do you think I could get your Stanford login 161 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,609 so I can access the faculty server array? 162 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:34,478 Oh jeez. Uh, I don't think I can do that, man. 163 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:37,347 Sure you can, man. Just click on "Forgot password." 164 00:08:37,383 --> 00:08:41,351 No, um, it-it... it's just, um, I'm kinda on super-thin ice 165 00:08:41,387 --> 00:08:43,387 with the head of the CS department right now. 166 00:08:43,422 --> 00:08:45,288 After Erlich's whole SeeFood thing, 167 00:08:45,324 --> 00:08:47,958 Standford started looking into my academic background, 168 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,592 realized that I don't really have one, 169 00:08:49,628 --> 00:08:51,293 and now I'm on probation, 170 00:08:51,329 --> 00:08:53,963 and they've got this real teacher sitting in, watching me. 171 00:08:53,999 --> 00:08:56,098 That is... that is a bummer. But hey, Big Head, 172 00:08:56,134 --> 00:08:59,135 they do, um, genome sequence analysis on the Sherlock cluster. 173 00:08:59,170 --> 00:09:02,734 They're not gonna notice a few more measly petabytes, all right? 174 00:09:02,759 --> 00:09:06,427 We'll just get on and get off before anyone even notices we're there. 175 00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:10,387 Yeah? Come on, man. I need this, all right? I wouldn't ask you otherwise. 176 00:09:10,412 --> 00:09:14,783 All right. My username is "password" 177 00:09:14,818 --> 00:09:17,561 and my password is "password." 178 00:09:17,586 --> 00:09:19,320 Your username is "password"? 179 00:09:19,356 --> 00:09:20,722 It was just easier. 180 00:09:20,758 --> 00:09:22,657 Okay, Big Head came through. 181 00:09:22,692 --> 00:09:24,158 I've already reserved the resources. 182 00:09:24,193 --> 00:09:25,826 We can start the transfer whenever we're ready. 183 00:09:25,862 --> 00:09:28,195 Slight problem. I can't get online. 184 00:09:28,230 --> 00:09:29,564 What the fuck? 185 00:09:30,522 --> 00:09:31,655 I can't get on either. 186 00:09:31,901 --> 00:09:34,926 Gilfoyle, did you fry the fucking router again? 187 00:09:34,951 --> 00:09:35,824 No! 188 00:09:35,849 --> 00:09:38,105 Jared! Did you pay the broadband bill? 189 00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:41,140 No. I mean, we don't have the funds. 190 00:09:41,176 --> 00:09:43,810 - What? - I tried to bring it to your attention, 191 00:09:43,845 --> 00:09:45,577 but you said, "Fuck off, Mom." 192 00:09:45,602 --> 00:09:46,702 Wait. 193 00:09:46,727 --> 00:09:50,077 Are you telling me Anton is completely cut off from the outside world? 194 00:09:50,102 --> 00:09:52,351 Which means Melcher's data is offline. 195 00:09:52,387 --> 00:09:53,753 We're in breach. 196 00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:57,856 Shit. Okay, uh... 197 00:09:57,892 --> 00:10:01,994 you guys keep Anton alive. I will... figure something out. 198 00:10:02,029 --> 00:10:04,296 A product recall on that scale? 199 00:10:04,331 --> 00:10:06,732 What the fuck is Barker thinking? 200 00:10:06,767 --> 00:10:08,634 Uh, I was only at eight percent, 201 00:10:08,669 --> 00:10:11,604 so if you could close some applications. 202 00:10:11,639 --> 00:10:13,705 Cell phone? 203 00:10:13,740 --> 00:10:17,875 Lama-la, I... I need to know what Hooli stock is doing. 204 00:10:18,979 --> 00:10:20,277 Enlightenment... 205 00:10:21,414 --> 00:10:23,047 or ignorance. 206 00:10:24,151 --> 00:10:25,451 You must choose. 207 00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:28,786 Erlich, get the bags. 208 00:10:32,791 --> 00:10:35,092 Richard Hendricks. What's up? 209 00:10:35,127 --> 00:10:39,062 Hi. I was just calling to let you know that, um... 210 00:10:39,098 --> 00:10:40,697 we're gonna have to take the network down 211 00:10:40,733 --> 00:10:43,700 just for a little bit for some routine maintenance, 212 00:10:43,736 --> 00:10:46,169 so your data might be inaccessible. 213 00:10:46,194 --> 00:10:47,038 What? 214 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,835 Yeah. Oh, just for an hour or two. 215 00:10:48,860 --> 00:10:51,707 - Nothing major. - Richard... 216 00:10:51,743 --> 00:10:55,011 you're supposed to give me 72 hours' notice for any disruption of service. 217 00:10:55,046 --> 00:10:57,847 No, I know, I know, I know, but this is just to improve 218 00:10:57,882 --> 00:11:00,516 - your user experience, because we care. - Falling! Falling! 219 00:11:00,551 --> 00:11:01,917 What the fuck are you doing? 220 00:11:01,953 --> 00:11:04,453 - Would you fucking... - Is everything okay over there? 221 00:11:05,588 --> 00:11:08,322 Yeah. "Okay"? Yeah. Yeah. 222 00:11:08,358 --> 00:11:09,724 Dan. Danny, Dan-Dan. 223 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:12,160 It's totally normal. Totally normal. 224 00:11:12,195 --> 00:11:14,829 Look, as long as you have it back online, you know, 225 00:11:14,865 --> 00:11:17,165 - before we open in the morning. - Yes, of course. 226 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,034 Hey, you want to talk to Liz? 227 00:11:19,069 --> 00:11:22,231 - No. No, no. I... - I'm gonna go get some cake from the back. 228 00:11:22,256 --> 00:11:23,692 Why? They bring it to us. 229 00:11:23,717 --> 00:11:27,152 That's okay. I'm just gonna... go to them. 230 00:11:28,443 --> 00:11:30,911 All right. She's going to them. 231 00:11:31,486 --> 00:11:34,514 - Never get married, Richard. - Women, right? 232 00:11:34,550 --> 00:11:36,216 - I'll talk to you. Yes. - Bye. 233 00:11:43,024 --> 00:11:44,290 We'll go to them. 234 00:11:46,027 --> 00:11:48,027 Guys, we'll go to them. 235 00:11:48,063 --> 00:11:49,929 - Who? - Standford! 236 00:11:49,964 --> 00:11:53,800 If we move Anton to Stanford, we can plug him directly into the cluster, 237 00:11:53,835 --> 00:11:57,302 and we'll be back online before Fiduciated opens. It's perfect. 238 00:11:57,337 --> 00:12:01,006 Yeah, except for the part about moving Anton to fucking Stanford. 239 00:12:01,041 --> 00:12:02,373 How the fuck are we gonna do that? 240 00:12:02,409 --> 00:12:05,077 We take him apart, move him, put him back together. 241 00:12:05,112 --> 00:12:07,145 - That's insane. - Okay, well, 242 00:12:07,181 --> 00:12:10,015 unless you happen to have a three-mile long Ethernet cable 243 00:12:10,050 --> 00:12:12,783 hidden up your fucking asshole, that's the plan! 244 00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:15,086 Is Big Head gonna be okay with us just showing up 245 00:12:15,121 --> 00:12:17,421 with three tons of unauthorized equipment? 246 00:12:17,456 --> 00:12:19,757 Yeah! I just spoke to him on the phone. 247 00:12:19,792 --> 00:12:21,235 He was like, "Uh, yeah." 248 00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:24,336 Okay, do it. I'll get the truck. I'll get a truck. 249 00:12:24,361 --> 00:12:26,525 You know, I flew all the way here, 250 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:28,999 to Tibet, on my own dime. 251 00:12:29,035 --> 00:12:30,200 You've killed my battery. 252 00:12:30,235 --> 00:12:33,336 I don't feel the slightest bit more spiritually centered. 253 00:12:33,371 --> 00:12:34,804 Can this thing go any faster? 254 00:12:38,376 --> 00:12:40,804 - Richard. - Oh. Yeah. 255 00:12:40,829 --> 00:12:41,844 Okay. Thank you, Jared. 256 00:12:41,869 --> 00:12:45,192 Uh, so, what... what time did Big Head say he needed us there? 257 00:12:45,217 --> 00:12:46,849 I don't know. He said whenever. 258 00:12:46,884 --> 00:12:49,611 Typically, campus security requires a specific window 259 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,486 - for deliveries of this size. - Okay. 260 00:12:51,521 --> 00:12:54,489 Did you send him an inventory, so that he could request 261 00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:56,759 and clear a static IP address for each server? 262 00:12:56,784 --> 00:12:58,393 No. No. I wouldn't worry about it. 263 00:12:58,428 --> 00:12:59,461 Maybe I'll just give him a call. 264 00:12:59,496 --> 00:13:01,263 Nah, it's fine. It's fine. It'll be fine. 265 00:13:01,298 --> 00:13:04,132 - Well, maybe I'll just text him. - Jared! Oh my God! 266 00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:07,935 Just... just stop with the second-guessing, hand-wringing, 267 00:13:07,971 --> 00:13:10,905 pearl-clutching bullshit, okay, for just, like, a fucking minute. 268 00:13:12,075 --> 00:13:14,876 You know what? Um, I waive your two weeks. 269 00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:16,944 - You can go. - What? 270 00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:18,913 You wanted to go? Go. 271 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:23,150 Bye. Thanks. 272 00:13:25,587 --> 00:13:27,954 I'll order a Lyft home and... 273 00:13:29,758 --> 00:13:31,958 What the fuck was that? You fired him? 274 00:13:31,994 --> 00:13:34,027 He already quit, remember? 275 00:13:34,062 --> 00:13:35,929 Besides, he was being a fucking asshole. 276 00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:37,863 Jared was being an asshole? 277 00:13:39,293 --> 00:13:40,666 Do you want to go with him? 278 00:13:40,701 --> 00:13:42,434 Because, if you haven't noticed, 279 00:13:42,469 --> 00:13:44,557 if we don't get this shit to Standford 280 00:13:44,582 --> 00:13:46,605 and all set up by 9:00 a.m., 281 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,199 we are fucked! 282 00:13:48,293 --> 00:13:50,575 Okay, listen up, everybody, 283 00:13:50,611 --> 00:13:52,036 here's the deal. 284 00:13:52,061 --> 00:13:55,694 I was just talking to your foreman, Jung-Sho... 285 00:13:59,585 --> 00:14:04,689 and he seems to feel that you are all working at maximum capacity 286 00:14:04,724 --> 00:14:07,058 and that you cannot work any harder. 287 00:14:07,093 --> 00:14:10,761 But I have just flown from America, 288 00:14:10,797 --> 00:14:14,965 and I'm here to prove to you that he is wrong. 289 00:14:16,035 --> 00:14:18,869 You can work harder, much harder. 290 00:14:18,904 --> 00:14:22,539 How? With a little system I like to call 291 00:14:22,574 --> 00:14:25,876 the conjoined triangles of success! 292 00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:28,245 Come on. 293 00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:31,647 Breaking news. 294 00:14:31,682 --> 00:14:33,049 Hooli CEO Jack Barker 295 00:14:33,084 --> 00:14:34,976 has been taken hostage by workers 296 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:36,919 at a Hooli factory in China, 297 00:14:36,955 --> 00:14:38,654 which produces cell phones. 298 00:14:38,689 --> 00:14:41,790 I want everyone to know I haven't been harmed... 299 00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:44,426 and the workers here have assured me 300 00:14:44,462 --> 00:14:47,829 that I will only be held as their honored guest 301 00:14:47,865 --> 00:14:50,932 until Hooli has met their very reasonable request 302 00:14:50,968 --> 00:14:54,769 for fair wages and for humane conditions. 303 00:14:54,804 --> 00:14:58,539 On a more personal note, honey... 304 00:14:59,005 --> 00:15:01,175 I have to stop now. 305 00:15:02,846 --> 00:15:04,178 All right. 306 00:15:04,213 --> 00:15:06,981 Holy shit. I think we can actually make it. 307 00:15:07,016 --> 00:15:08,115 All right. 308 00:15:08,150 --> 00:15:09,350 Okay. 309 00:15:12,721 --> 00:15:14,121 What the fuck? 310 00:15:14,156 --> 00:15:16,957 Shit. We must've left the work lights on all night. 311 00:15:16,993 --> 00:15:18,625 Well, do we have jumper cables? 312 00:15:18,660 --> 00:15:20,493 - Jared did. - Triple-A? 313 00:15:20,528 --> 00:15:23,462 - Sounds like a Jared thing. - Wait. 314 00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:27,133 Aren't Anton's racks full of backup batteries? 315 00:15:29,237 --> 00:15:31,170 Okay. How much longer? 316 00:15:31,206 --> 00:15:34,473 Give us a minute. We just need to connect a few more. 317 00:15:36,668 --> 00:15:38,234 Uh, try it now. 318 00:15:38,412 --> 00:15:40,645 Just fuck the batteries! We don't need 'em! Let's go! 319 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,916 - Okay, hold on. - Oh my God, just throw them away! 320 00:15:46,353 --> 00:15:48,486 Okay, dude. Go, go. 321 00:15:48,522 --> 00:15:50,255 Oh Jesus! Shit. 322 00:15:50,291 --> 00:15:52,424 Oh, hey, Ashley. That was close. 323 00:15:52,459 --> 00:15:55,226 Well, look, it won't be the last time you stop traffic, huh? 324 00:15:55,261 --> 00:15:56,460 Little hottie. 325 00:15:56,495 --> 00:15:58,095 But not now, when you're older. 326 00:15:58,131 --> 00:15:59,964 I'm sorry, we have to... We have to go. Bye. 327 00:15:59,999 --> 00:16:01,899 Back up, back up. Thank you. 328 00:16:01,935 --> 00:16:04,435 Big Head. Hey, I need you to meet me at the loading dock 329 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:06,804 behind Spilker in 10 minutes. I'll explain there. 330 00:16:06,839 --> 00:16:09,340 Now's not really a great time, Richard. 331 00:16:09,375 --> 00:16:11,772 I'm sort of in the middle of something. 332 00:16:11,797 --> 00:16:13,977 Wait. You said you already explained. 333 00:16:14,238 --> 00:16:18,006 Yeah, I know. I did. Yeah, it's just... Big Head. 334 00:16:18,850 --> 00:16:20,383 Come on, buddy, I need you. 335 00:16:20,419 --> 00:16:22,518 Okay. Be right there. 336 00:16:25,890 --> 00:16:28,290 Can I go to the bathroom? 337 00:16:28,326 --> 00:16:31,760 Are you sure? We don't want to inconvenience you. 338 00:16:31,795 --> 00:16:35,097 It's no trouble at all, and there's no need to send a negotiator. 339 00:16:35,132 --> 00:16:36,298 I'm in Tibet. It's right next door. 340 00:16:36,334 --> 00:16:39,701 Well, we'd be grateful to have this in such good hands. 341 00:16:39,736 --> 00:16:42,004 We've missed you, Gavin. 342 00:16:42,039 --> 00:16:43,705 Perhaps when you return, we... 343 00:16:43,740 --> 00:16:46,540 Please. The only thing I'm concerned with right now 344 00:16:46,576 --> 00:16:48,542 is bringing our boy home safe. 345 00:16:50,431 --> 00:16:52,464 Fuck you, Jack Barker! 346 00:16:52,648 --> 00:16:54,648 Hah! 347 00:16:56,353 --> 00:16:58,086 Hey. 348 00:16:58,121 --> 00:17:00,921 Opium? Are you fucking kidding me? 349 00:17:00,957 --> 00:17:02,956 I was on the phone for, like, three minutes. 350 00:17:03,679 --> 00:17:06,814 Big... Head. 351 00:17:07,029 --> 00:17:08,595 Come on, get up. 352 00:17:08,630 --> 00:17:10,230 We need to get to the airstrip. 353 00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:16,609 _ 354 00:17:17,531 --> 00:17:20,180 _ 355 00:17:22,828 --> 00:17:25,375 _ 356 00:17:30,437 --> 00:17:31,625 _ 357 00:17:31,845 --> 00:17:32,884 _ 358 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,361 Shit. Shit. Come on. Let's go, let's go. 359 00:17:43,397 --> 00:17:44,595 Start unloading it. Come on. 360 00:17:44,631 --> 00:17:47,932 Hey, man, so did you ever transfer all that data? 361 00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:51,602 No, we just gotta unload our servers near the Sherlock arrays. 362 00:17:51,638 --> 00:17:55,406 Servers? Richard, man, I told you, now is not a good time for this. 363 00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:57,371 - I know, I know, I know. - You dick. 364 00:17:57,396 --> 00:17:58,752 You never told Big Head 365 00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:01,745 - we were bringing Anton here, did you? - Who's Anton? 366 00:18:01,780 --> 00:18:03,447 He's everything that's packed into the back 367 00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,149 of this giant fucking truck. 368 00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,850 And you want to set it all up here? 369 00:18:06,885 --> 00:18:08,452 Oh, dude, come on. 370 00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,953 I told you I'm, like, so close to getting fired. 371 00:18:12,123 --> 00:18:13,683 Big Head, come on. It's just for a bit. 372 00:18:13,708 --> 00:18:16,613 Richard, you specifically told us that Big Head said this was okay. 373 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:17,937 That's what you fucking told us! 374 00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:20,496 You lied to our faces again. 375 00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:21,947 Come on, guys, we don't have time for this. 376 00:18:21,972 --> 00:18:24,544 You were just going to show up and fucking steamroll him? 377 00:18:24,569 --> 00:18:27,235 That was your whole plan? He's your oldest friend, 378 00:18:27,271 --> 00:18:29,037 and you're okay just getting him fired? 379 00:18:29,073 --> 00:18:30,172 He's Big Head! 380 00:18:30,207 --> 00:18:32,607 He's gonna fall ass-backward into something, you know? 381 00:18:32,642 --> 00:18:34,778 - He always does. - I'm not doing it. 382 00:18:34,803 --> 00:18:36,878 - What? - I'm out too. 383 00:18:36,913 --> 00:18:40,715 Now? We're-we're-we're... we're so... 384 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:43,118 We... we got it. We're here. W-we did it. 385 00:18:44,738 --> 00:18:47,606 You... hypocrites. 386 00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:50,157 You fucking hypocrites. 387 00:18:50,193 --> 00:18:52,560 When I wouldn't use the fake users, you called me a pussy. 388 00:18:52,595 --> 00:18:54,195 When I wouldn't lie on the stand, 389 00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:55,496 you called me a pussy. 390 00:18:55,531 --> 00:18:57,398 But now, when I'm actually doing 391 00:18:57,433 --> 00:19:00,968 what you've been wanting me to do, you quit? 392 00:19:01,343 --> 00:19:03,769 You're the pussies. You are the pussies. 393 00:19:03,805 --> 00:19:06,706 I'm the only one that's trying to fucking... 394 00:19:06,741 --> 00:19:08,808 save what we do here! 395 00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:11,311 All this time we spent building this thing, and now, 396 00:19:11,346 --> 00:19:13,480 now it falls apart because you two don't fucking do it? 397 00:19:13,515 --> 00:19:16,416 - This is too much for you? Well, fuck you! - Hey, guys? 398 00:19:17,385 --> 00:19:18,517 This is fine. 399 00:19:19,598 --> 00:19:21,019 - What? - Yeah, my bad. 400 00:19:21,054 --> 00:19:24,022 I thought you were talking about a lot more stuff. 401 00:19:24,047 --> 00:19:25,079 Gre... 402 00:19:28,329 --> 00:19:29,794 - Oh... - Fuck. 403 00:19:31,565 --> 00:19:33,832 Fuck. 404 00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:38,302 So, anyways, my office is unlocked 405 00:19:38,338 --> 00:19:41,858 if you guys just wanna, like, toss that on my desk or whatever. 406 00:19:41,883 --> 00:19:43,109 I should probably get back, though, 407 00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:45,853 before that teacher guy gets me in trouble. 408 00:19:45,878 --> 00:19:47,178 I'll see you guys. 409 00:19:49,782 --> 00:19:51,015 How? 410 00:19:52,395 --> 00:19:53,560 Who? 411 00:19:53,752 --> 00:19:58,087 You had me open up the back... to get the batteries, 412 00:19:58,123 --> 00:20:00,557 and then you told me not to put them back, 413 00:20:00,592 --> 00:20:03,527 so... no one... 414 00:20:05,364 --> 00:20:07,864 You know who would've remembered to close the door? 415 00:20:09,067 --> 00:20:10,032 Jared. 416 00:20:13,729 --> 00:20:15,462 It's Melcher. 417 00:20:15,939 --> 00:20:17,173 Good luck with that. 418 00:20:31,593 --> 00:20:33,921 _ 419 00:20:46,835 --> 00:20:47,901 Richard. 420 00:20:47,936 --> 00:20:48,835 Can I come in? 421 00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:51,838 Umm... I have company. 422 00:20:52,974 --> 00:20:54,274 Is there a girl in there? 423 00:20:56,512 --> 00:20:57,744 How many girls are in there? 424 00:20:57,779 --> 00:21:00,681 Richard, what do you want from me? Nothing, it's just... 425 00:21:00,706 --> 00:21:02,829 you were right about all of it. 426 00:21:02,854 --> 00:21:04,852 I killed Anton, 427 00:21:04,877 --> 00:21:08,487 and, uh, I lost all of Melcher's data, 428 00:21:08,512 --> 00:21:10,018 everybody fucking hates me, 429 00:21:10,043 --> 00:21:15,519 and I'm basically one blood boy away from being Gavin Belson. 430 00:21:16,698 --> 00:21:18,096 I did not... 431 00:21:18,131 --> 00:21:20,932 run the company with integrity... 432 00:21:22,302 --> 00:21:23,935 but... 433 00:21:25,004 --> 00:21:26,638 I'm gonna end it with some. 434 00:21:26,868 --> 00:21:30,002 I'm going to Melcher's office, and I'm coming clean. 435 00:21:30,586 --> 00:21:33,220 Anyway... 436 00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:35,546 I'm really fucking sorry, man. 437 00:21:37,316 --> 00:21:39,483 Well, I'll leave you alone now. 438 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:43,128 Hey. "This guy fucks." 439 00:21:49,295 --> 00:21:50,794 Richard! 440 00:21:59,237 --> 00:22:01,804 - What's this? - It's a job application. 441 00:22:01,839 --> 00:22:04,940 I'd like to submit myself for a position with Pied Piper. 442 00:22:04,976 --> 00:22:07,744 I'd really like to be there till the bitter end. 443 00:22:18,322 --> 00:22:20,489 "Lordy, Lordy, looks who's 40." 444 00:22:22,326 --> 00:22:23,425 That's the wrong one. 445 00:22:25,328 --> 00:22:26,694 I gotta say, Gavin... 446 00:22:28,069 --> 00:22:29,597 when that storeroom door opened, 447 00:22:29,632 --> 00:22:31,732 and I saw your face grinning down at me, 448 00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:34,067 I thought it was an angel. 449 00:22:34,103 --> 00:22:36,804 When we get home, I'm going to do everything in my power 450 00:22:36,839 --> 00:22:39,440 to get you back in the good graces of the Hooli board. 451 00:22:40,276 --> 00:22:43,339 I can use a fellow of your talents, sir. 452 00:22:43,364 --> 00:22:46,479 That's very gracious of you, Jack. Thank you. 453 00:22:46,504 --> 00:22:47,853 Welcome aboard, gentlemen. 454 00:22:47,878 --> 00:22:51,284 Our flying time to Mountain View is 11 hours and 36 minutes, 455 00:22:51,320 --> 00:22:53,787 and we will be stopping off in Jackson Hole first. 456 00:22:53,822 --> 00:22:57,324 Oh. Stopping off at Jackson Hole, are you, Gavin? 457 00:22:57,349 --> 00:22:59,815 No, Jack. You are. 458 00:23:03,030 --> 00:23:07,248 Jackson Hole is definitively out of the way. Everyone knows that. 459 00:23:07,273 --> 00:23:08,801 But I don't mind dropping you off first, 460 00:23:08,836 --> 00:23:11,203 this one last time. 461 00:23:18,678 --> 00:23:21,412 Hey. What are you guys doing here? 462 00:23:21,448 --> 00:23:22,580 Jared called us. 463 00:23:22,615 --> 00:23:24,549 If you're gonna eat a giant plate of steaming hot shit, 464 00:23:24,584 --> 00:23:26,584 we figured it should probably be a team effort. 465 00:23:28,421 --> 00:23:30,722 Okay. Thanks. 466 00:23:30,757 --> 00:23:32,256 Uh, I'll go check in. 467 00:23:34,393 --> 00:23:37,126 Hi, could you tell Dan Melcher that Richard Hendricks 468 00:23:37,162 --> 00:23:38,862 and the guys from Pied Piper are here to see him? 469 00:23:38,897 --> 00:23:40,997 You guys are Pied Piper? The guys who built 470 00:23:41,032 --> 00:23:43,066 our data storage network? It's awesome. 471 00:23:43,101 --> 00:23:46,302 Oh. yeah, it was awesome until it crashed this morning. 472 00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:48,839 I was just using it two minutes ago. It's working fine. 473 00:23:51,108 --> 00:23:52,941 - Really? - Yeah. 474 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,780 Uh... what's he talking about? 475 00:24:02,194 --> 00:24:03,661 It's up. 476 00:24:03,686 --> 00:24:05,496 All of Melcher's data is there. 477 00:24:05,523 --> 00:24:06,522 How is that possible? 478 00:24:06,557 --> 00:24:08,523 What are those devices? Those aren't phones. 479 00:24:11,661 --> 00:24:13,060 Why the fuck are you laughing? 480 00:24:13,096 --> 00:24:16,130 You look fucking insane right now. 481 00:24:16,165 --> 00:24:18,900 Look at that OUI prefixes in these MAC addresses. 482 00:24:18,935 --> 00:24:20,735 Yeah, okay, so what are those? 483 00:24:20,771 --> 00:24:22,236 Smart fridges. 484 00:24:23,033 --> 00:24:24,805 About 30,000 of them. 485 00:24:24,893 --> 00:24:25,938 Come again? 486 00:24:25,963 --> 00:24:28,375 Jian-Yang's smart fridge must have been self-correcting. 487 00:24:28,411 --> 00:24:31,978 In order to fit my "Suck it, Jian-Yang" video onto his fridge, 488 00:24:32,014 --> 00:24:34,648 I had to add Pied Piper libraries to the firmware. 489 00:24:34,683 --> 00:24:37,484 Other smart fridges must've seen this as an update. 490 00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,487 - What? - The smart fridges talk to each other, 491 00:24:40,523 --> 00:24:41,921 and they share the new software. 492 00:24:41,956 --> 00:24:44,757 Right, so when we put that data onto Anton, 493 00:24:44,793 --> 00:24:46,125 the last thing he did before he died 494 00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:50,830 was back himself up onto a huge network of smart fridges. 495 00:24:51,656 --> 00:24:54,123 Anton died so we could live. 496 00:24:54,268 --> 00:24:55,367 Like Jesus. 497 00:24:55,783 --> 00:24:57,236 Oh fuck. 498 00:24:57,271 --> 00:24:59,805 Guys, do you realize what just happened? 499 00:24:59,848 --> 00:25:02,449 We're still alive. The network is stable. 500 00:25:02,476 --> 00:25:04,146 - Mm-hmm. - The new Internet works, 501 00:25:04,171 --> 00:25:05,373 and this is the proof. 502 00:25:05,427 --> 00:25:07,513 - We did it! - Yes, we did. 503 00:25:07,538 --> 00:25:08,937 Wait a minute. 504 00:25:09,541 --> 00:25:12,551 If Melcher never lost access to his data, what's he so upset about? 505 00:25:12,586 --> 00:25:14,586 Richard! Richard! I'm so sorry. 506 00:25:14,621 --> 00:25:17,054 We were tasting cakes, and then you called, 507 00:25:17,089 --> 00:25:19,790 - and then it just... came out. - What came out? 508 00:25:19,826 --> 00:25:23,360 - You son of a bitch! - Save yourself! 509 00:25:24,113 --> 00:25:25,596 I'm guessing there's a story here. 510 00:25:25,631 --> 00:25:28,866 - Stand down! No, no, no! - That's it! Help! 511 00:25:33,872 --> 00:25:36,662 - Gavin. - Mmm. 512 00:25:36,687 --> 00:25:37,674 I like your hair. 513 00:25:37,709 --> 00:25:38,741 I like your eye. 514 00:25:38,777 --> 00:25:40,710 Yeah, I... I got it from a woman. 515 00:25:40,745 --> 00:25:42,808 She didn't hit me. No, the man did... 516 00:25:42,833 --> 00:25:45,968 because of sex... that I gave to her. 517 00:25:46,703 --> 00:25:49,229 So... welcome home, 518 00:25:49,254 --> 00:25:51,653 and congratulations on getting your business back. 519 00:25:51,689 --> 00:25:53,088 Thank you. And I should congratulate you 520 00:25:53,123 --> 00:25:54,690 on your remarkable tech breakthrough. 521 00:25:54,725 --> 00:25:56,959 I hear you're swimming in funding offers. 522 00:25:56,994 --> 00:26:00,295 A few. I think we're gonna go with Bream-Hall. 523 00:26:00,330 --> 00:26:03,932 - They seem to get us. - You haven't seen all the offers yet. 524 00:26:08,671 --> 00:26:11,105 Richard, we were partners once. 525 00:26:11,140 --> 00:26:12,913 I'd like to do it again. 526 00:26:12,938 --> 00:26:14,274 This is an acquisition offer, 527 00:26:14,310 --> 00:26:17,144 and it will make you a very wealthy man. 528 00:26:17,180 --> 00:26:19,714 Let's do this together. 529 00:26:19,749 --> 00:26:21,181 That's very kind of you. 530 00:26:22,652 --> 00:26:25,084 - But... - Richard, at least look it over. 531 00:26:25,120 --> 00:26:29,102 I can help you get exactly where you want to go. 532 00:26:29,127 --> 00:26:33,226 I'm pretty sure I know where I want to go and how to get there. 533 00:26:33,261 --> 00:26:37,497 If you reject me now, Richard, I will come after you. I'll devour you. 534 00:26:37,533 --> 00:26:40,033 Think very carefully about what you're doing here. 535 00:26:40,068 --> 00:26:41,967 Here's what I think, Gavin. 536 00:26:42,003 --> 00:26:44,803 I think my decentralized Internet 537 00:26:44,839 --> 00:26:47,886 threatens Hooli's box business model. 538 00:26:48,354 --> 00:26:51,644 I think, basically, you are just a server company now, 539 00:26:51,679 --> 00:26:53,846 and we intend to make servers obsolete. 540 00:26:53,881 --> 00:26:59,884 So, I think perhaps in the end, I will be the one devouring you. 541 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:03,167 I gave you that patent. 542 00:27:04,223 --> 00:27:05,289 Thanks. 543 00:27:10,230 --> 00:27:11,446 Fair enough, Richard. 544 00:27:13,567 --> 00:27:15,532 I shall look forward to the fight. 545 00:27:16,474 --> 00:27:18,240 Right back at you, Gavy, baby. 546 00:27:19,337 --> 00:27:20,403 Gavin. 547 00:27:23,108 --> 00:27:26,342 Oh, um, did Erlich ever show up in Tibet? 548 00:27:27,613 --> 00:27:28,645 No. 549 00:27:41,425 --> 00:27:43,025 Jesus. What the hell did he order? 550 00:27:45,096 --> 00:27:46,395 No. No. no, no, no. 551 00:27:46,430 --> 00:27:48,997 No, no, no, no. Stop. Stop it. Stop it. 552 00:27:49,032 --> 00:27:50,799 No. Don't. 553 00:28:02,242 --> 00:28:07,242