1
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- You know what, should we...
- Fuck,yeah.
2
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:35,242
Uh, yeah, I guess, just put it in the garage.
3
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,327
Oh. Uh, where I sleep?
4
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:40,443
Yeah, it's just, it's the only place with room.
5
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,725
Okay, uh, well, it's good to face your fears.
6
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,447
I was scared of intruders
until I had one of those in my room,
7
00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,205
and then I realized if they're gonna kill me,
they're gonna kill me.
8
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,169
'Cause he kept whispering that.
9
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:53,805
All right.
10
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,204
- Hey, Russ.
-"Hey, Russ?"
11
00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:15,845
Fuck you, Richard Hendricks!
12
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:16,967
"Fuck me," regarding...
13
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,169
It's all over the blogs,
you took our idea to Gavin Belson?
14
00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:22,926
- Whoa. I'm sorry, "Our idea"?
- Yeah.
15
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,650
The new Internet,
we came up with that together
16
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,210
standing outside of my kid's school,
former school.
17
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:30,569
Uh, no. Um, you told me to name an idea,
and so I named one.
18
00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,608
That was my idea,
you were just standing there.
19
00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,921
Yeah, pulling it out of you
like a newborn baby.
20
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:39,847
Okay, but, uh, well, if a doctor pulls a baby
out of a pregnant woman
21
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:41,888
the doctor doesn't get to then keep the baby.
22
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:44,804
Okay, first of all, my ex-wife is fucking
the doctor that delivered my son
23
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,689
and they're suing for full custody,
so you're wrong.
24
00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:47,966
Second of all, this isn't a baby.
25
00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:49,280
Stop trying to change the subject, Richard!
26
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:53,160
Okay, well, uh, I had to go to Gavin
because he owned the patent,
27
00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,527
which, as it turns out,
he just signed over to me,
28
00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,841
so, um, it's actually good that you're here
29
00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,003
because you want in and we need funding.
30
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,641
Especially since no VC in town will touch us,
not even Monica's new firm.
31
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,485
So, Gavin pulls out and you want me
to be your sloppy seconds?
32
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,608
It's always about my money,
isn't it?
33
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,004
Uh, well, you are an investor,
so what else would it be about?
34
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,727
- My idea!
- It was my idea!
35
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:16,961
Well, then fund it yourself.
36
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,565
Fuck you, Richard Hendricks.
37
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:20,404
Fuck you right in your little asshole
38
00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,801
and not in a beautiful way
like Grandpa and Pedro.
39
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,490
Uh, what the hell was that?
40
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:32,521
That was the last wealthy guy in Silicon Valley
that would even fucking talk to us.
41
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,724
Maybe I'll give him a day to cool off,
try him again tomorrow, something...
42
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:37,046
Not so sure about that.
43
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,801
- Ugh. Come on.
- Payback's a bitch, isn't it, Richard?
44
00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:44,881
Whoo-hoo!
45
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,201
I don't think he knows that's not your car.
46
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,207
Real estate listings?
What, are you looking to move out?
47
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,204
No, I'm just taking a little Redfin holiday.
48
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,887
I find there's a certain
escapist allure to real estate listings.
49
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:09,161
I like that one.
50
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:11,485
Too bad it's 10 times what I can afford,
51
00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:16,202
'cause you know, I quit Periscope to go
work for a company with zero prospects,
52
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,281
'cause fuck me.
53
00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:19,727
Well, with preconstruction pricing
54
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,724
this one's actually
only six times more than you could afford
55
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,326
so, now, let's go onto Amazon
56
00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:28,802
and see what we could buy
with all those imaginary savings.
57
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,321
Wait a minute.
58
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,643
What if we don't need an investor at all?
59
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,080
Fuck all these VCs.
60
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,768
What if all we need is a customer?
61
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,082
Customer for what?
We haven't built a product yet.
62
00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:46,245
Well, uh, neither have all
those condo builders, right?
63
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:50,530
I mean, they're offering a discount
to people who buy before they build.
64
00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,331
We can do the same thing,
but with data storage.
65
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,731
That sounds like a scam.
66
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,280
Well, no, it's actually common practice.
67
00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:58,646
It's how I bought my condo.
68
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,326
The scam came after when I rented
to a squatter who wouldn't leave.
69
00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,770
Granted, there's no shortage
of huge corporations
70
00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,491
with vast amounts of data,
but it's highly risky.
71
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,682
I mean, Richard, we'd be offering to store data
72
00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,684
on a network of cell phones
before we built the app or the network.
73
00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:17,169
Yeah, but, look, it's no more risky
than working with all these crazy billionaires.
74
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,242
I mean, Jack and his boxes,
75
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:23,649
Gavin just fucked off to go find himself,
who knows where, Peter died.
76
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,768
Yeah, I guess that makes him crazy.
77
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:30,209
The point is, if you don't draw the line
in the sand when some guy pisses in your car,
78
00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:31,281
where do you, you know?
79
00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:32,964
Someone pissed in someone's car?
80
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:39,961
Not literally, no.
It's a, uh, figure of speech, an old one.
81
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,440
Ah. An adage.
82
00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,364
Anyway, uh, Jared,
let's get a deck together on this.
83
00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:46,966
Aye, aye, captain.
And, uh, just word to the wise,
84
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,850
often the first customer
is the hardest one to land.
85
00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,685
Wait, "customer"? Are we pitching?
86
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:53,921
Yeah, looks like it.
87
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,843
God damn, Richie. Let's hit the road!
88
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:57,524
We're gonna piss in everyone's car.
89
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,762
Am I using that right?
90
00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,131
Medical groups, sales groups,
insurance companies.
91
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,049
Jared, yeah. Good work here, really.
92
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,722
Well, Gavin was right.
93
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,723
His name certainly opened a lot of doors.
94
00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,526
Ever since your announcement,
everyone has heard of us.
95
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:14,205
Jared, you didn't tell all these people
96
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,681
that Gavin was still working
with the company, did you?
97
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:20,287
Well, no, but I never explicitly said
that he wasn't.
98
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:21,361
Was that wrong?
99
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,566
No, Jared. That's fine.
100
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,085
The tech will speak for itself.
101
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:25,286
It certainly will.
102
00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:29,365
Now, Richard, when we get into that room,
let me do all of the talking.
103
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,365
And also the tech will talk.
104
00:05:33,280 --> 00:05:36,329
Wait, so Gavin's not coming?
105
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:41,241
No, but we are. We've already come.
106
00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:42,487
Huh.
107
00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:46,446
Gavin left the company?
108
00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:50,645
Yes, um, but what's important,
at least we think, uh,
109
00:05:50,760 --> 00:05:55,926
is not whether Gavin is gone,
but what brought him to us in the first place,
110
00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:57,487
and that's the tech.
111
00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,647
Uh-huh.
112
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,170
Gentlemen, sorry to keep you waiting.
113
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:06,086
I'm George Mandechian, CEO.
I'm very excited to...
114
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:08,805
He did? Huh.
115
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:11,807
Okay.
116
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:21,444
God damn it. I mean, if people just look at
what we're offering,
117
00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:22,601
I think they'd be blown away.
118
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:25,331
Perhaps we need a new angle.
119
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,771
I'll fake a seizure.
120
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,651
- What?
- Pied Piper.
121
00:06:30,840 --> 00:06:33,411
Hi, I'm Liz Tinsdale,
122
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,323
Head of Compliance
here at Fiduciated General.
123
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,561
Erlich Bachman.
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00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,085
And I'm, uh, Richard Hendricks.
125
00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:39,400
Are we all here?
126
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:40,686
Yes, yeah, we are.
127
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,481
Uh, sorry, full disclosure, uh,
Gavin Belson has left the company.
128
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,771
- Oh! Oh, I see.
- His loss.
129
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,491
He won't be sitting across from someone
130
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,166
as charming as yourself this afternoon,
will he?
131
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,881
Okay, well, I mean,
you did come all the way here,
132
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,041
so, why don't you follow me?
133
00:06:58,280 --> 00:07:01,170
I'd follow you to the end of the Earth.
Shall we?
134
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:04,365
- What are you doing?
- What?
135
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,683
So, as you can see,
your data will be even more secure
136
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:12,527
because it will be stored on multiple devices
and we can offer you a very competitive rate.
137
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:17,288
You can expect to see
storage savings annually of 25%.
138
00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:22,845
Wow. That's very impressive, all of it,
but you guys have to understand
139
00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:26,687
that companies like ours
are particularly risk averse.
140
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,247
Is it a slight Idaho accent, Liz?
141
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,325
Oh. It's Montana, actually.
142
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:33,447
- Even better.
- Yeah.
143
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:34,567
The big blue sky state.
144
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,921
Well, I knew
you had to have come from above.
145
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,890
Well, uh, speaking of heaven,
146
00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:41,807
that's probably where you'll think you are
147
00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:44,087
when you start saving 25%
on your data storage.
148
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:45,810
You have a gate from there?
149
00:07:45,880 --> 00:07:47,245
Liz, you have beautiful skin.
150
00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,884
Um, well, thank you, both of you.
151
00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:59,730
Listen, I think I know what he's gonna say,
but let me see if I can pull my CTO in here.
152
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,486
Can you reel it in a little?
153
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:06,449
We're trying to make a business deal,
not get you laid.
154
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:08,409
I'm not trying to get laid, Richard.
155
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,562
Clearly she has a lot of pent up sexual energy,
156
00:08:10,840 --> 00:08:14,811
likely from working in this worm farm,
so that's the angle I'm taking
157
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,122
since I'm not allowed to have a seizure.
158
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,165
Besides, she's going to bat for us.
159
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,806
You should be thanking me.
The CTO's on the way in.
160
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:26,125
Yes, because of the technology
and because of our business proposal.
161
00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:30,808
Look, can you just, please, for once,
keep your dick out of the equation?
162
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,166
I really wish I could,
163
00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:36,171
but my dick is the abacus
upon which this equation
164
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:37,241
-will be...
- Guys.
165
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:38,526
This is our CTO.
166
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:39,966
Oh, great.
167
00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,603
Oh. Oh.
168
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:44,126
Hello.
169
00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:47,362
I'm Dan Melcher, nice to meet you.
170
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:49,766
Yeah. Hello.
171
00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:52,491
Hi, Dan.
172
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,005
- Do you guys know each other?
- No.
173
00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:59,284
I just said my name was Dan.
That's how he knows.
174
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:02,046
Uh, I don't need to waste
any more of your time with this.
175
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,248
Why don't I... I'll take this one from here.
176
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,731
- Okay.
- Oh. Yeah.
177
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,246
What the fuck are you doing here?
178
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,004
Very rude, Daniel.
179
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,962
Although, what can we expect
after TechCrunch Disrupt
180
00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:26,164
when you sucker punched me
in the goddamn face.
181
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,526
You fucked my wife.
182
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:30,444
I fucked your wives. Plural.
183
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,046
- Both of them.
- Erlich.
184
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,408
The customer's always right,
so let's just leave it at "wife," singular,
185
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,687
-and be done with it.
- Okay.
186
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,683
I need you to listen to me very carefully.
187
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:47,526
It took me a very long, long time
to get back on my feet
188
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,523
after I got fired from Oracle
189
00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:51,931
and tech firms wouldn't touch me,
190
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:56,244
but I've managed to find a home here, a life.
191
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:58,410
Okay, it's insurance.
192
00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:01,723
It's not ideal, but it's something,
193
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,885
and I don't care, whatever it is
that you're selling here,
194
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,531
I'm not buying it.
195
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,609
Well, it's a pretty groundbreaking technology.
196
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,489
- Oh. Shut the fuck up.
- Okay. Yeah.
197
00:10:11,600 --> 00:10:14,968
Look at me, never gonna happen. Okay?
198
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,971
Never going to...
199
00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,646
Dan, did you give the dogs
their medicine this morning?
200
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,611
Uh, no, was I supposed to?
201
00:10:23,680 --> 00:10:25,728
Yeah, because remember, I had to go back
to the restaurant
202
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:27,245
to get your card that you forgot.
203
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,766
Uh, yep. Sorry.
204
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,048
Um, I mean, I guess I could run home.
205
00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:34,726
- You two married?
- Oh. No, not yet. We're engaged.
206
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:36,640
Well, it was nice to meet you both.
207
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,643
- Bye now, Liz.
- All right, bye, honey.
208
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,721
Okay.
209
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,045
Oh, Dan.
210
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,085
Dan, Dan, Dan.
211
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:50,081
Dan Melcher,
the guy who beat the piss out of you?
212
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:51,526
The very same.
213
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,847
I looked him dead in the eyes and I said,
214
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,241
"Daniel, I fucked every wife you've ever had.
215
00:10:57,320 --> 00:10:58,606
"Care to go three for three?"
216
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,926
Needless to say, he did not.
217
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:05,323
You don't come off in that story
as well as you think you do.
218
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:10,571
So, to avoid being thrice made a cuckold,
he agreed to a deal?
219
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,166
Well, uh, not yet.
220
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:13,685
Melcher actually signed off on it,
221
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,162
but his fiancée wanted to certify
that what we're trying to build
222
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,762
complies with their data handling
and security protocols.
223
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:21,968
We're reviewing it all tomorrow, actually.
224
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:25,169
Ah, I can't wait.
Tomorrow, the real fun begins.
225
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,444
Uh, no. No, you're not coming.
226
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:31,730
- Why not?
-"Why not?" Uh... Geez.
227
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,082
Well, you fucked Dan's last wife
228
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,289
the night before he was our judge
on the TechCrunch panel
229
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,681
with absolutely no regard
for what that meant to the company.
230
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:42,804
What it meant for the company is that
we went to the finals and we won.
231
00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:44,006
Because of the tech.
232
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,920
We won because of the tech, remember?
233
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,048
We're getting this deal because of the tech.
234
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,645
I'm not letting you fuck this up, okay?
235
00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,042
I know you're looking for something to do,
but this is not it.
236
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,884
What do you mean,
I'm looking for something to do?
237
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,042
You're lucky that you've garnished
this much of my time.
238
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,407
I have plenty to do. Tons of lots of things.
239
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:01,970
I have a thriving incubator.
240
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:07,291
It is thriving.
241
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,131
Isn't it?
242
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,607
Fuck you, 9W5-
243
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:22,842
Okay, so how soon
can we test our app on a phone?
244
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:28,882
Look, uh, about all this Erlich stuff...
245
00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:33,010
Oh, no, no, no, I don't want to talk about him
or think about him
246
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,085
ever again.
247
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,685
- Okay.
- Look, I've signed off.
248
00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:42,126
But, Richard, I need you to look me in the eye
and tell me that this is gonna work,
249
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,528
'cause if it doesn't, I'm completely fucked.
250
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,362
It's gonna work, I promise.
251
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:52,562
All right. Well, I'm gonna step out,
you're in good hands.
252
00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:54,449
Okay,
253
00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:56,124
should we start with adjuster records?
254
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,247
Sure.
255
00:12:57,320 --> 00:12:59,209
You guys said you were proficient
in video files, right?
256
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,203
We were a video chat company for a while.
257
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:02,406
Oh, that's exciting.
258
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,523
Uh, yeah, I guess.
259
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,131
It wasn't really for me.
260
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,449
Um, in fact, actually, just as
we were taking off, I walked away.
261
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:10,886
Commitment issues?
262
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,651
Uh, I don't know, it's just...
263
00:13:13,720 --> 00:13:17,725
I never really thought that video chat
was the best use of our compression.
264
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,048
Kinda felt like I was settling, you know?
265
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:21,687
Ooh.
266
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:22,966
Settling.
267
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:27,170
Yeah, our company can grow
in ways that we haven't even thought of yet.
268
00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,848
I mean, I was gonna spend the rest of my life
just wondering if there was something better.
269
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,605
That's not really a way to live.
270
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,842
And what, I'm gonna say to all my friends,
271
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,167
like, "Oh, this is how I'm spending my time,"
you know?
272
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,846
Every morning I get up and it's vidchat
273
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:43,491
and then I go to bed, it's vidchat,
then I get up again, it's vidchat,
274
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,403
and it's... I wanna kill myself, you know?
275
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,604
Yeah. Yeah, I think I know what you mean.
276
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:48,721
Yeah.
277
00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,491
So, what do you think, Erlich?
278
00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,330
You're the first person to see the place.
279
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:55,006
I love the smell of fresh Spackle and hope.
280
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:57,921
Yeah? Two more weeks
and Bream-Hall's in business.
281
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,849
Even better, that donkey Ed Chen and Raviga
were so blindsided
282
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,160
they're running around with their hair on fire.
283
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:04,765
Yeah, it's a beautiful world, Erlich.
284
00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:07,491
And after years of busting my ass,
I'm finally doing it.
285
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:12,889
Oh! And check it out,
we even have swag with my name on it.
286
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,724
- Look, Monica Hall...
- Laurie.
287
00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:20,286
Hello. Well, good. Now that you're both here,
we can dispense with the mindless chitchat.
288
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,170
I'd like to be the first to offer you, both,
289
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,642
the opportunity to take me off the market.
290
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:30,646
I don't understand.
291
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,242
I'm saying that I very much respect
what you're doing here, almost revere it,
292
00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:38,087
and I wanted to offer my services
as an associate
293
00:14:38,160 --> 00:14:39,571
and I will not phone it in.
294
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,927
I'll be the first one here at 10:30 a.m.
295
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,407
and the last one to leave a smidge after 4:00.
296
00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:47,723
I'll, of course, need an office,
an attractive personal assistant,
297
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,802
paternity leave if that goes well,
298
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,647
and an umbrella insurance policy
if that does not go well.
299
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:55,246
What do you say?
300
00:14:58,000 --> 00:14:59,525
I'd like a job, dears.
301
00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,082
The singular function of this firm
302
00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,403
is to ensure that our investors' money
is in wise hands.
303
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:09,326
If you are known for anything,
it is quite the opposite.
304
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,846
Therefore, no.
305
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:15,161
I'm sorry, Erlich.
306
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,082
Look, I know you're looking
for something to do, but...
307
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:22,802
Who is pushing this false narrative
that I'm looking for something to do?
308
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,685
But... What?
309
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:28,685
But Laurie is my partner and if she doesn't
think you add any real value,
310
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,762
then there's no future for you here.
311
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,444
I gave you weed. A lot of it.
312
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,281
You want a fleece?
313
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,767
God, there's something beautiful about
testing your first alpha.
314
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:42,764
It's like watching a child take its first steps.
315
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:46,970
Well, let's see if our space-saver app
actually saves us any space.
316
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,770
All right. Done.
317
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,521
Yeah?
318
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,123
Can I mark this deliverable as complete?
319
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,287
Is our child a dancer?
320
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:03,961
Wait, I was only using 32.2 gigs of data
before the test
321
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:06,805
and now it says I'm using 47.8.
322
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,407
Fuck! Mine expanded also. What the fuck?
323
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:14,008
Why do I have a photo folder
entitled "Cool hairstyles"?
324
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,607
Why do I have an e-mail for
the "Anton LaVey Fun Run"?
325
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:22,484
Fuck. We got a merge error.
326
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,483
All of our information is on both phones.
327
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:26,244
I wonder what kind of weird shit you get into.
328
00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,449
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?
329
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,046
I'm just looking at your very embarrassing
personal information.
330
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,726
Fuck you. If you look at my shit,
I'm gonna look at your shit.
331
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:34,961
All right. Whoa, whoa. Easy now.
332
00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:37,008
I'll go balls deep on your inbox.
333
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:40,527
If you've taken one fucking selfie, I will find it.
334
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,171
Okay. Guys, we've got to calm down. Okay?
335
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,527
Look at this. This is not where we wanna be.
336
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:50,242
Let's take a deep breath and let's just be cool
and put our phones down.
337
00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:52,041
Go ahead.
338
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:55,571
- I'll put it down once he stops touching.
- Okay.
339
00:16:56,280 --> 00:16:57,645
Great. Good.
340
00:16:58,120 --> 00:16:59,565
That wasn't so hard, was it?
341
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,529
- If he can do...
- No, no, no... Okay.
342
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:05,961
Gotcha.
343
00:17:06,080 --> 00:17:08,606
No, you didn't. Fuck you.
344
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,364
Are those almond poppy seed muffins
or lemon poppy seed muffins?
345
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:19,240
No matter, I'll take both.
And the, uh, whole first floor.
346
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,291
It's been a pretty bad...
347
00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:28,164
Uh, you know what'?
Do you have any day-mos'?
348
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:37,761
Hey, are you sitting here?
349
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:39,441
What the fuck does it look like?
350
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,330
Sorry, he didn't tell us
who he was inviting to the meeting.
351
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:43,481
He just said it was a bunch of us.
352
00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:45,241
How many are we?
353
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:46,526
I think a few other firms are coming.
354
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,728
Sequoia and Greylock,
maybe a few more for this round.
355
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:51,087
Jeff from Index Ventures.
356
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,926
You brought swag to a pitch meeting?
Yikes, that's so three years ago.
357
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,001
Have you seen Keenan yet?
358
00:17:57,320 --> 00:17:58,367
I don't know who that is.
359
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,726
Seriously though, I don't know
who you're talking about.
360
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,361
Bream-Hall?
361
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:08,561
Hey, man.
362
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:09,921
I don't know who you think you are,
363
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,411
but you're not supposed to be at this table.
364
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,925
I don't know who you think you are,
365
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,287
but men aren't supposed to grow tits
366
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:17,488
and yet there they are atop your little paunch.
367
00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:22,841
Who the fuck are you?
368
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,249
I'm fucking Erlich Bachman.
Who the fuck are you?
369
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,566
I'm Keenan Feldspar.
370
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,521
And I like the balls on you.
371
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,770
Get out of there. I want to sit next to this guy.
372
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,530
Oh, man, nice swag.
373
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,281
I tell ya, it is, um, warm in here.
374
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,325
Oh. Yeah, they, uh,
shut the AC off after midnight.
375
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,481
Oh.
376
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:51,847
The things this company goes through
to save a dime.
377
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,401
Well, classic Melcher.
378
00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:58,640
Okay, should we cover this section
on intrusion detection intervention?
379
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:02,881
- Liz?
"Huh?
380
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:06,249
Okay, uh, I don't wanna pry,
but did I do something wrong?
381
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:10,365
It's just, for the past few hours,
you've been a little, um, checked out.
382
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,250
I'm just thinking.
383
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:15,245
So you're getting cold feet?
384
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,321
What?
385
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:18,129
It's okay, I know what you're dealing with.
386
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,929
- I don't think you do.
- I do.
387
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,206
Trust me. I do.
388
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:25,729
Okay, I bet someone in your position
has been told many times to
389
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,848
look before you leap,
390
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:33,165
but, Liz, what about right now you just
leap before you look?
391
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:35,601
Huh.
392
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,481
Look, I'm gonna go out on a limb here,
393
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:45,408
but I'm gonna go ahead and say that I'll bet
there's a piece of you deep down inside
394
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,527
that knows this is a good idea.
395
00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:50,489
It's new, it's exciting.
396
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:55,487
I mean, by God, Liz,
this is the most durable sophisticated,
397
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,881
decentralized storage infrastructure
the world has...
398
00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:06,645
- Whoa.
- Uh...
399
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,125
And then it just happened.
400
00:20:18,440 --> 00:20:19,441
On the floor?
401
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,409
We were like two wild animals.
402
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,568
I'm sure it was magnificent.
403
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,041
I get pissed at Erlich for not keeping
it in his pants,
404
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,491
and then I go ahead and do this?
405
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,404
Shit! I mean, Dan's gonna find out.
406
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,006
I mean, he punched Erlich in the face
for when he did it to him
407
00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:34,411
and now, what do you think
he's gonna do to me, huh?
408
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,086
He's gonna fucking kill me
and then the deal's gonna fall through.
409
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,767
I can't believe I jeopardized
the entire company with my dick.
410
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:43,525
- Hey, hey, we can get through this.
- Yeah.
411
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:44,965
All right? First I need some details.
412
00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:47,607
Are you in love?
413
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,844
What? No, no. I barely know her.
414
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,410
Okay. Okay, that's good.
415
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,967
Then we just need to extricate you
from this situation.
416
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:59,840
Now it's not gonna be easy
because she's very probably in love with you.
417
00:20:59,920 --> 00:21:01,684
Jared, I don't think that that's...
418
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,081
Richard, this is no time for false humility.
419
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,850
You're a catch. Just deal with it.
420
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,802
Now, you need to break this thing off
clean and clear,
421
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,568
so you just walk into that office
and you look her in the eyes
422
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:16,325
and you say, "Listen, baby,
423
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:20,325
"you're getting hitched
and I was born to roam."
424
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,367
"Born to roam"?
425
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:24,650
Hey, Jared, did I miss any calls?
426
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,205
Not a good time, my man.
427
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:27,881
Jared?
428
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:30,089
Sorry.
429
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:32,723
Nope, no calls.
430
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:33,961
What a shocker.
431
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,961
I need to call Tara.
432
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,930
Okay, but I need to hold your phone.
433
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,445
It might be sexual in nature.
434
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,082
Well, I think I can handle that.
435
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,081
All right.
436
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,886
No.
437
00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:48,486
Um, something else in here, please?
438
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,041
- Monica...
- Mmm.
439
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:51,241
The salient...
440
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,007
Ladies.
441
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:55,647
What are you doing here?
442
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,805
I believe the answer to that question
443
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:04,130
is currently sitting in your unfinished
waiting area.
444
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,081
- Holy shit, is that...
- Keenan Feldspar? Yes.
445
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,326
Why? Have you heard of him?
446
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:15,210
Of course. Every competent VC has.
447
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,122
His VR headset is reputed to be
the new standard.
448
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,487
Oh, it is.
449
00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:24,531
I tested the prototype last night at his house.
We got quite drunk.
450
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,524
What exactly is he doing in our waiting area?
451
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:28,681
Well, Laurie, he's waiting.
452
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:30,806
Upon my instruction...
453
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:41,287
Imagine landing the biggest whale
in the valley
454
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,567
two weeks before you launch your firm.
455
00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:50,524
Or should I say, before "we" launch your firm.
456
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,205
All right. The new build is done.
457
00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,282
Ugh. I'm so glad this is over.
458
00:22:58,360 --> 00:23:01,409
I felt like Gibraltar in World War ll,
459
00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,609
where he was both crucial and inert.
460
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:08,730
All right. One press of the button
and we are back to normal.
461
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,401
What's the problem?
462
00:23:14,120 --> 00:23:15,246
I don't know.
463
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:17,326
What don't you know?
464
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,566
You seem a bit eager to resolve the situation.
465
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:23,324
You're almost anxious.
466
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:25,521
It's a new color on you.
467
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:26,931
A new color on you would be...
468
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:30,362
Bah, bah, bah. Even as you're trying
to make a boring, racist comment,
469
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,090
you can't keep your eyes off my phone.
470
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:34,121
See?
471
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,726
Now, I know all my embarrassing shit
is on your phone,
472
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:39,485
and if you look at it, you will mock me
endlessly and without mercy.
473
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:43,246
But what's also true is that you already
mock me endlessly and without mercy,
474
00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:48,850
so I have nothing to lose and potentially
a huge amount to gain.
475
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:50,968
Guys, this is madness.
476
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:52,280
I have nothing to hide.
477
00:23:52,360 --> 00:23:54,408
I hear you, and yet...
478
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,126
I'd like to look at my phone.
479
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,250
Sure. Suit yourself.
480
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:04,966
- Swipe.
- Mmm-hmm.
481
00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:06,447
Unlock.
482
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:08,167
Mmm.
483
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:09,361
You sure you don't care?
484
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:11,404
Does it look like I care?
485
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,001
Okay.
486
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:24,247
Fuck!
487
00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:25,966
What the fuck!
488
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:31,081
You dick!
489
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:34,645
- Give me the phone.
- Dinesh...
490
00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:36,768
- Give it to me.
- You are not thinking clearly.
491
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:38,080
Ow!
492
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:39,761
Sorry.
493
00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:54,445
Looks like we both lose.
494
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:55,681
I don't think so.
495
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,046
How do you figure?
496
00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:59,043
'Cause now I know you had some
embarrassing shit to hide.
497
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:01,122
I don't even need to know what it is.
498
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:05,205
My phone may be in the toilet, but I win.
499
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,281
No, you don't.
500
00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,804
'Cause you'll never know what was on there.
501
00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:13,560
And that will slowly drive you down
a dark path and torment you
502
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:14,766
so that every fiber...
503
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,640
Nuh-uh! I win. I win. I win. I win.
504
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,162
I win!!
505
00:25:24,120 --> 00:25:25,121
Shut up, Jared.
506
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,604
Last night.
507
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,801
Yeah.
508
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,645
- Last night was...
- Bad.
509
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:42,564
- Bad. Bad. Yeah.
- Yeah, it was bad.
510
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,167
Bad. Yeah. It was such a bad thing
to have done.
511
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:49,687
Worst sex I think I've ever had by far.
512
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:55,003
Oh! So it was bad for you, too.
513
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:57,686
Yeah. I mean it was just all elbows.
514
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,641
I mean, how many times did our teeth clink?
515
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:02,923
Uh, too many. Too many.
516
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,087
- You know?
- Too many.
517
00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:05,446
And you move your head a lot.
518
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:10,242
- Well, passion.
- None, right?
519
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:12,288
I know, and, like, right out of the gate.
520
00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:16,126
When I took my top off
and you actually said the word "gulp."
521
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:17,611
- I said it? Out loud?
- Yeah. Mmm-hmm.
522
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:20,041
Okay, well, mistake on my part.
523
00:26:20,120 --> 00:26:23,488
As bad as it was, you know, and it was bad...
524
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:25,329
- Um...
- Okay.
525
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:27,922
Really awful.
526
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:29,161
- I get it.
- I just...
527
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:35,610
If there's an upside to any of this,
it would be that I realize now
528
00:26:35,680 --> 00:26:37,409
what I have in Dan.
529
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,926
Silver lining. So that's nice.
530
00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,209
Listen, I can't do this anymore.
This, what we...
531
00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:47,251
So I just wanna, if we could just
close the deal, be done with it,
532
00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:52,091
and if it's okay with Dan,
it's fine with me. So...
533
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:53,844
Good. Okay.
534
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,967
Okay. So I will come back and get my stuff
when you're gone.
535
00:26:59,720 --> 00:27:01,370
- No, I'm just gonna...
- So...
536
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:02,646
The door.
537
00:27:02,720 --> 00:27:03,881
- I was born to roam anyways, so...
- Yeah.
538
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:13,891
Richard!
539
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:23,041
Liz just told me.
540
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,287
- She did.
- Yup.
541
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,560
And if it's fine with her,
then I guess the deal's fine with me.
542
00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,321
So, it's approved.
543
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,607
- Good.
- I'll ride down with you.
544
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,449
Oh, you don't have to. Okay.
545
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,161
Listen,
546
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:51,321
it goes without saying,
547
00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:57,921
but Liz can never find out about that
whole thing between us.
548
00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:01,651
Okay. Yup.