1 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:08,926 FEMALE NARRATOR'. Tables. 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,322 Tables are made so a person can sit down and do something. 3 00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,323 Or nothing. 4 00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:16,209 Any person can sit at a table, 5 00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:18,931 and if the table is large enough, many people. 6 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,049 To make jokes, eat a meal, tell stories. 7 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,044 Tables are for people to be together and share. 8 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:28,044 And that is why tables are like Pied Piper. 9 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:31,044 Grapefruits, postcards, hugs. 10 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,487 These are things people share to connect, to become closer. 11 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,689 To open up about ideas and things that make us feel alive, 12 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:41,561 like air, ballet, amazing haircuts, weird countries, 13 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:46,441 three-alarm chili, mountains, continents, the Earth, life. 14 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:50,923 Life is beautiful and sad and hopeful and dangerous. 15 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,843 So maybe the reason we share so much 16 00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:55,241 is because we understand that without sharing, 17 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,049 we can't survive. 18 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,401 And sharing is tables. 19 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,323 Pied Piper. 20 00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:06,246 Yes. Tables. I see. It's a metaphor. 21 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,681 - It's a wonderful ad spot. - Yeah. We're all just tables. 22 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,205 I love what you've done with the place. 23 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,284 It's a really nicely done place. 24 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:19,448 Say, is that your dog? 25 00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:22,842 It's a dog. 26 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,761 You and I have never really had much of a rapport, have we? 27 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,329 It's wanting. 28 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:33,047 Oh, look. 29 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:37,205 Well, we're almost there. Prepare to gather, everyone. 30 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:41,763 No, I didn't say to gather. I simply said prepare to gather. 31 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:48,170 - Monica, hey. - Oh, hey. How's it going? 32 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,368 - You holding up okay? - Not really. 33 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:52,488 I know. Her parties are always deeply weird. 34 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:56,087 Hey, um, I guess this is as good a time as any to say it, 35 00:01:56,160 --> 00:02:00,290 but I'm really sorry for not getting Pied Piper. 36 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:04,729 And to be honest, it's really embarrassing to be so fucking wrong. 37 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:07,963 Well, here's the thing, you might not be. 38 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,883 What? What are you talking about? 39 00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,121 Uh... 40 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,127 Okay. 41 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,683 So, well, Pied Piper launches and everything's great, 42 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:22,401 and we spent a fucking bazillion dollars, on the tables ad 43 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:26,690 and now we are almost at 500,000 installs, right? 44 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:29,286 - Yeah. What's the problem? - Well, as you know, 45 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,806 installs isn't really the metric that matters. 46 00:02:31,920 --> 00:02:35,049 We need daily active users, people who come back to the platform. 47 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,487 Okay, so how many daily users do you actually have? 48 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,005 Okay, what would... What would be a number 49 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:41,481 that would make you say, "Oh, that's bad." 50 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,771 I don't know, like, 100,000? 51 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,161 Oh... 52 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:47,321 Are you less? 53 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:49,050 How much less? 54 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,730 - Nineteen thousand. - Nineteen thousand less than a... 55 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:55,849 - Eighty-one thousand? - No. No, just 19,000. 56 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,843 - That's the only number. - What? 57 00:02:57,920 --> 00:03:00,764 - That's... That's terrible. - Yeah. I'm aware. 58 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,207 - Well, yeah, that's art, not a chair. - Uh... Oh. 59 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,441 Richard! Oh, my... 60 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,204 Wait, you haven't told Laurie yet, have you? 61 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,282 - No. - Okay. Well, who else knows? 62 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:11,810 - Dinesh and Gilfoyle? - No. 63 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,566 Erlich? 64 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:15,721 No. 65 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,482 Well, apparently Jared knows. 66 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,406 Yeah, Pied Piper's sort of what I'm known for, 67 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,882 but I'm into a lot of cool stuff. 68 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,644 Like, a lot. 69 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,007 You seem surprised. 70 00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:43,208 I'll give you an example. A few months ago, 71 00:03:43,280 --> 00:03:45,169 I'm at my computer, freestyling, 72 00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,890 just kind of jammin' out, you know. 73 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,645 Before I knew it, I had thrown together 74 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,690 the greatest video-chat app the world has ever seen. 75 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:56,367 So you invented Skype a few months ago? 76 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,091 Great ideas just sort of flow through me. 77 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,925 The platform, you know, it's sort of a group project, 78 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:05,402 but the video-chat app, that's my solo album. 79 00:04:05,480 --> 00:04:07,960 - Oh, Robert. - I'm Dinesh. 80 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,089 What the fuck is going on with you? 81 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:14,161 Hmm? 82 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,683 Could you be more specific? 83 00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:18,646 You're hiding something. 84 00:04:18,720 --> 00:04:20,848 What? No, I'm not. 85 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,649 Everything's fine. You know, everything's fine. 86 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:24,449 That's a lie. 87 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:26,443 I could tell because you subscribe 88 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,411 to traditional Judeo-Christian mores of right and wrong. 89 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:32,289 You're made uncomfortable by untruth. 90 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:37,446 My commitment to LaVeyan Satanism grants me certain freedoms. 91 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,524 There is no good and evil, there's only self. 92 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,971 - Would you like a beverage? - Yes, I would. 93 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:48,203 Lie. You just want me to go to the bar and leave you alone. 94 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:53,486 Gil... You crack me up. 95 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,527 Lie. 96 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,369 I terrify you, as I should. 97 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,722 Get out of here. 98 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:06,285 Okay, thank you. 99 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,885 Okay, so, I just spoke with my friend who runs a market research firm. 100 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:13,724 - Mmm-hmm. - She's gonna set up a focus group 101 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,770 for the platform, put it in the hands of some real users, 102 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,763 and hopefully it'll be super-obvious what's going wrong. 103 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,486 - Okay, great. - Clink, clink, clink. Gather. 104 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,483 Faster, please. Gather faster. We're close. 105 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,403 We need to see the numbers change. 106 00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:28,324 499,995, 107 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,803 499,996... 108 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,886 499,997... 109 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:49,761 It's going great. 110 00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,491 They've been engaging with the platform for about an hour now. 111 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,369 - They're just starting the Q and A. - Oh, great. 112 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,488 Thank you, everyone, for sharing your feelings 113 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,166 on the revolutionary new Pied Piper platform. 114 00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:02,722 Now, Bernice, you say here that you were, 115 00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:06,049 "Totally freaked out by the platform." 116 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,566 What specifically totally freaked you out? 117 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:12,685 Everything. Just every single thing about it. 118 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,364 Just, like, how it worked. 119 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:19,128 Now, who else found themselves totally freaked out by this platform? 120 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,124 Barry, Warren, Natalie, Martina, 121 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,283 Gwen, Amy, Walker and Clay. 122 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,488 You were all totally freaked out. 123 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:30,968 Was anyone not totally freaked out? 124 00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:34,411 Clark? Good. What was your reaction? 125 00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:36,881 It just made me feel stupid. 126 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:39,002 This file sync thing is confusing. 127 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,243 When I put videos into my main folder, it says it uploaded them, 128 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,402 but then I didn't see where they went. 129 00:06:44,480 --> 00:06:46,528 It said stuff was on my phone and my iPad, 130 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,967 but when I looked at the memory, it said, "Zero K used," 131 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,724 so stuff wasn't on there. 132 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,527 That's the platform. He's describing the platform 133 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:55,722 and what's great about it. Well, clearly he doesn't get it. 134 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,406 Clearly, none of these people get it. Maybe this is a bad group. 135 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,967 This is the fifth one today and it's the least hostile reaction we've seen. 136 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,090 Okay, well, everyone that I showed the beta to loved it. Loved. 137 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:08,527 - Oh, shit. - What? 138 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,806 Who did you give the beta to? 139 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,362 - Your friends. Engineers. - Well, yeah, Monica. 140 00:07:14,440 --> 00:07:16,488 I wanted to give it to people who would understand 141 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,166 what I'm trying to do, so I could get useful feedback. 142 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:20,730 And with all due respect, I gave it to you, 143 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,689 the one person without a computing background, 144 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,001 and you said it felt engineered. 145 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,803 - Oh, shit. - Yeah. 146 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,723 You're trying to sell the platform to regular people, 147 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,407 but you never actually put it in the hands of regular people. 148 00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:35,641 Like them. 149 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,609 Shouldn't there be a download button? 150 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:41,162 Did they honestly forget to add a download button? 151 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,006 You know what, Richard, why don't we just go... 152 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:46,484 I mean, who designed this thing? 153 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,801 I did. I designed it. 154 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,730 Excuse me? Who are you? 155 00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,927 Uh, my name is Richard Hendricks, I'm the CEO of Pied Piper. 156 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,047 Oh, my God. 157 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,083 Oh, you're the one 158 00:07:58,160 --> 00:07:59,810 who forgot the download button. 159 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:01,207 Yes. 160 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,566 But no. No, actually, there is no download button because, well, 161 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,483 you don't need a download button. We're past that. 162 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,050 I mean, that's the old thing. This guy, actually, 163 00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:10,485 he should have told you that. 164 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,130 I'm a moderator, not an advocate. 165 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,168 Okay, well, with Pied Piper, 166 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,891 you don't need to download anything or send anything at all, 167 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,681 anywhere, because the second you take a photo or a video 168 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,481 or compose a text message, it's on all of your devices instantly. 169 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,688 - So it's all on my phone? - Yes. 170 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,684 Wrong! It says, "Zero K used." So it's not on there. 171 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:30,761 Ah-ha! 172 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:34,766 Yes, well, that's the best part about the platform right there. 173 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,526 Yes, because you're right, it's not actually on the phone. 174 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,809 But you don't need it to be on the phone 175 00:08:41,880 --> 00:08:44,531 if you can see it on the phone, 176 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,967 even though there's nothing there at all. 177 00:08:47,040 --> 00:08:49,486 But... Where the hell is it? 178 00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,721 Everywhere. 179 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,121 And nowhere, sort of. 180 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,928 Let me... Let me just take a step back here 181 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,765 and explain it in a simpler way. 182 00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,524 - Um, sorry, what was your name? - Bernice. 183 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,887 Bernice, what did you have for breakfast today? 184 00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,645 - Scrambled eggs. - Scrambled eggs. 185 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:09,722 And what's in the eggs? 186 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,529 Electrons. Right? 187 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,604 And we all know how electrons exist in orbitals. 188 00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:16,762 Multivalent states? No? 189 00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,161 No one knows this? Okay. 190 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,561 Okay, that's fine. Bad example. That's on me. 191 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,722 I'll... I'm going to use the whiteboard here. 192 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:26,007 You're gonna... You're gonna love this. Okay. 193 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:29,605 Then, once we hit a critical mass of users, 194 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,570 the volume of data moving through the system 195 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,042 will enable the neural net to start optimizing the platform. 196 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:39,249 It will actually get smarter and faster all on its own. 197 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:40,924 Is that like when I'm texting 198 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,321 and my phone starts guessing what I'm going to say? 199 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,164 This goes way beyond autocomplete. 200 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:49,040 Actually, all of your devices will begin helping each other 201 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,168 in ways that we can't even design or predict. 202 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:54,848 Okay, but see, the problem is... 203 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:55,921 Terminator. 204 00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,603 What? No. No, no. No, no, no. No. 205 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:04,446 I can assure you that there is no Skynet type of situation here. 206 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:08,206 No. Pied Piper will in no way become sentient and try to take over the world. 207 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,922 He just told us he couldn't predict it. 208 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,049 I'm just saying... Everybody died. 209 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,441 - Yeah. - You're right. 210 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:20,002 In those movies, there were a lot of casualties. 211 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:22,961 Quite scary to think. It's food for thought. 212 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:24,610 Speaking of... 213 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,330 Can we order some pizzas in here? 214 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:34,086 So, when we put our files into a Pied Piper folder, 215 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,049 they get split up into tiny bits 216 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:40,728 and spread across a network of other users' devices? 217 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,929 Yes, that's peer-to-peer distribution. Continue. 218 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,809 But they can't look at any of our files 219 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:49,407 because they only have tiny, scrambled pieces of them? 220 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:51,687 - Encrypted sharding. - Clark with the assist. Great. 221 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:55,287 - Uh, go on. - But we can look at any of our files anytime, 222 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,604 anywhere, even though they're not actually on any of our devices. 223 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,841 Yes. Yes, Bernice, that's it. 224 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:04,922 That's Pied Piper. That's everything. 225 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,243 So it's all on our phones even though it sort of isn't. 226 00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,800 Oh, my God. That's awesome. 227 00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,291 Isn't it? Yeah. 228 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,085 So, what do you think? Will you use Pied Piper now? 229 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,686 - Well, yeah, I think I will. - Me, too, 230 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:20,525 -now that you've explained how it works. - There you go. 231 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:22,443 That's what we've been aiming for. 232 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:25,406 They get it. 233 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,209 What's he smiling at? 234 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:30,284 This data was corrupted the second he walked in that room. 235 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:36,802 So we're tanking, and it's because we're too good. 236 00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,601 That's one way of looking at it. Uh, yes. 237 00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:42,126 Yes, we have created a product so far ahead of its time, 238 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,283 people are having difficulty wrapping their heads around it. 239 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:48,045 Well, then we just need to change the platform, right? 240 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:50,851 - We simplify it. - Well, we can't. 241 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:54,447 It's not as if I don't want to, it's just that we literally can't do it. 242 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:57,885 Um, if you build an airplane and people are afraid of anything that flies, 243 00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,769 you can't just take the wings off of it because, 244 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:04,687 at that point, all you're left with is a really slow, super-expensive shitty bus. 245 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,125 No, we built an airplane, we gotta fly it. 246 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,885 What's the point of flying if it's fucking empty? 247 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,082 I think people will want to fly 248 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:16,243 once they realize how cool the platform is. 249 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,448 Guys, I know we're in a tough spot right now, 250 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,126 and I know we needed a quarter-million DAUs 251 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,407 in order to get our next round of funding, but this is it. 252 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:24,925 I think we can do this. 253 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,924 All we gotta do is just take every last dollar that we have, 254 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,923 which is... Sorry, Jared, what? 255 00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,209 Well, after the table ads... 256 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:35,806 ...the salaries, recruiter fees... 257 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,410 You know what? I haven't run the numbers. 258 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:40,608 It would be irresponsible to estimate. 259 00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:43,763 Okay, is it less than a million dollars? 260 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,889 - Oh, God, yeah. - Okay. 261 00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:49,850 - It's higher than 500,000, right? - Yeah. 262 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,481 I guess it's about $697,240. 263 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,050 But don't quote me on that. 264 00:12:56,120 --> 00:13:00,682 Okay, we use that money to do outreach, tutorials, 265 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,885 user meet-ups, create a guerrilla marketing campaign 266 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,043 that explains how cool the platform is. 267 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:12,045 I know it's not ideal, but I really think we can pull this off. 268 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,804 Yeah, that seems doable. 269 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,166 Lie. 270 00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:19,290 Or here's another idea. We could put the platform on hold, 271 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,290 take the money we have left, and pivot to something 272 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,886 that doesn't require hours of explanation. 273 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,290 You know, I've been showing people the video-chat app 274 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:31,091 -that I hacked together and... - Shut up, Dinesh! 275 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,888 You ungrateful pricks, all of you. 276 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:39,321 Your tepid response to our intrepid boss makes me ill. 277 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:42,526 His plan, will it work? Mmm-mmm. 278 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:45,044 Almost certainly not. 279 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,930 All of you will likely look back at this time in your lives 280 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,800 and realize you wasted a whole year with nothing to show for it. 281 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,521 But if this company is a plane, then this is Richard's goddamn plane, 282 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,365 and if he wants to fly it into the side of a fucking mountain, 283 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:02,041 that is his prerogative and it is our duty to climb on, 284 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:06,489 strap in and have a fiery death right behind him. 285 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,400 I don't... I don't know about that, but... 286 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:11,528 Richard, the floor. 287 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,968 Crashing aside, I think this is the plan, and, 288 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:17,890 really, what other option do we have? 289 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,883 Well, I know what option I have. 290 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,121 I can quit. 291 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:24,921 So I quit. 292 00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,811 Okay. Any... Anybody else? 293 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,165 Guys, no. 294 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,288 Look, Douglas, 295 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,362 customer support is going to be a big part of this. 296 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:39,250 We need you guys if we're going to get 250,000 users. 297 00:14:39,320 --> 00:14:41,243 I barely have any customers to support, Richard. 298 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,049 And the only way you're going to get that many users 299 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,329 is if you go to one of those click farms in Bangladesh and pay for them. 300 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,170 Good fuckin' luck, man. I'm out. 301 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,965 - Guys, wait. - Jared, let them go. 302 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:52,849 I have to do their exit interviews. 303 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,161 I guess I can do them on their walk to their cars. 304 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,286 Richard, we're better off without them. 305 00:14:58,360 --> 00:14:59,566 Lie. 306 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:07,326 This is intolerable. A man can only take so much. 307 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,921 - Mmm-hmm. - Banished from my own company? No. 308 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,809 I'm just going to give them what they want. 309 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:13,006 I'm going to resign. 310 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,930 We can go to Haiti, build orphanages. 311 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,331 Haiti? 312 00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:25,808 Is it not said that one should think globally and act locally? 313 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,405 I'm not acting at all. 314 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:32,006 Lao Tzu teaches the best fighter is never angry. 315 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,641 More important than the blow is knowing when to strike. 316 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:39,281 Like, perhaps, after we experience 317 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,603 the executive white water rafting trip in Coeur D'Alene? 318 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,610 Gavin, do you have a moment? 319 00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:50,040 Yes. 320 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:51,841 Alone? 321 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:53,640 Of course. Denpok? 322 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:54,721 What? 323 00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:56,845 Give us a moment, please? 324 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:05,565 Gavin, I'm really not supposed to be talking to you, 325 00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,449 but there's something I think you should know about. 326 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:09,887 I'm listening. 327 00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:13,123 A customer service rep that just left Pied Piper 328 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,607 is on campus right now interviewing for a job. 329 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:18,931 Why would anyone leave Pied Piper now? 330 00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,691 I thought maybe you'd want to ask him yourself. 331 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:24,761 Well done. 332 00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,561 Well done. 333 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,051 Okay. Thank you for coming in, Douglas. 334 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,804 - Yeah. - Right this way. Okay. 335 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:36,761 Uh... 336 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:38,761 Douglas. 337 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,970 Consider the possum. Nature's... 338 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,611 Gavin, if you're bringing another animal into this boardroom, 339 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:50,480 -this meeting is over. - Of course not. Don't insult me. 340 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,250 Gentlemen and lady of the Hooli board, 341 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:57,210 I am the possum to which I refer. 342 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,851 Playing dead to outwit those who wish me harm. 343 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:01,285 But it's time to end the charade. 344 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:03,408 I'm sorry, Gavin. What charade? 345 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:07,530 For months, I've led the world to believe that my EndFrame division was pursuing 346 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:11,685 a broad-based compression platform in direct competition with Pied Piper. 347 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:16,442 But secretly, I knew that any such platform was destined to fail. 348 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,648 But Pied Piper is not failing. 349 00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,007 It's the most popular app in the Hooli store. 350 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:23,560 One of the most installed, yes. 351 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,928 But I happen to know, because I make it my business to know, 352 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,606 that their daily active user numbers are abysmal. 353 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:33,448 So, you were never developing a platform. 354 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,010 Why didn't you tell us this? 355 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:40,449 Says the chairperson of the board that recently asked for my resignation. 356 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,648 Trust cuts both ways. 357 00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:45,166 I thought it best to leave you out of it. 358 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,730 I'm sorry, Gavin, 359 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,007 I'm just finding all of this impossible to believe. 360 00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:50,924 If you were never building a platform, 361 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,606 what did we just spend three-quarters of a billion dollars on? 362 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,850 I'm not going to tell you. 363 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,927 Instead, I'm going to let the new head of product 364 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:00,650 for Hooli/EndFrame tell you. 365 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,209 Hello, everyone. 366 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:08,170 I'm Jack Barker, and I'm very excited 367 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:11,926 to introduce Hooli/EndFrame's newest product... 368 00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:16,607 We call it The Box. 369 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,687 Pied Piper's loss is Hooli's gain. 370 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,690 May the best product win. 371 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:29,563 Can I get you a shirt, sir? There you go. 372 00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:32,530 Actually, let me ask you a question, Emily. 373 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,443 What did you have for breakfast today? 374 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,409 - Um, yogurt. - Okay. 375 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,211 And we all know what's in yogurt, right? 376 00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,647 Electrons. Multivalent states. 377 00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,686 Welcome to the Pied Piper Informational Seminar. 378 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,611 Now, what is Pied Piper? Excellent question. 379 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,480 Here it is. 380 00:18:54,240 --> 00:18:57,961 One of your Hooli/EndFrame boxes would go right here in this rack. 381 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:01,486 Okay, let me show you the next location 382 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,562 in which we would install one of your boxes. 383 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,850 - Congratulations, Jack. - And congratulations to you, Gavin. 384 00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:14,571 - Hey, John? John? - John? 385 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,329 A lot of people have raised their hands 386 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:20,085 throughout this seminar saying, "Hey, is this thing like the Terminator?" 387 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,208 Uh, no. Not at all. 388 00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,203 Hi, how big are your files? 389 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:26,169 Dodge Challenger? 390 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,241 Hoodie? 391 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,364 - John? - Yo! 392 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,761 - John? - John! 393 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:50,808 John! 394 00:19:51,360 --> 00:19:53,044 This is Pied Piper, guys, okay? 395 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,770 If I could just explain it one more time. 396 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,691 Guys? Please don't leave. I beg you. 397 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:01,442 Hi, Bernice. Yeah. 398 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,726 We kind of thought we nailed it with tables, 399 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:21,247 but you say you want something light, fun, inviting. 400 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:23,848 But most of all, you want something that delivers 401 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,208 a step-by-step guide to all of the nuances of your platform. 402 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:28,884 - Yeah. - All of this with the caveat that 403 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:31,611 you don't have enough money for even a minuscule ad buy. 404 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:33,801 Yes, that's right. 405 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:36,009 That's a pretty small target to hit. 406 00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,322 Anyway, here's what we came up with. 407 00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:45,320 Oh, hello, welcome to Pied Piper. 408 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,970 How can I help you? 409 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:52,687 What in the name of fuck is that? 410 00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:56,411 Well, his name is 411 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:59,131 Pipey, the Pied Piper piper. 412 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:02,921 He's fun. And, you know, the demo's interactive. 413 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,206 Just... 414 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:06,328 Looks like you want to compress a movie file! 415 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,643 Can I help? You know, with Pied Piper's revolutionary 416 00:21:09,720 --> 00:21:13,281 neural network, optimized, sharded data distribution system, 417 00:21:13,360 --> 00:21:17,684 it's just six clicks away! Follow me! 418 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,450 - I like it. - That's a fuckin' lie. 419 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:22,567 Yeah. 420 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,406 So, Richard, you want us to take the most sophisticated 421 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,324 and technically complex compression-based platform 422 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:33,086 - ever created and add that? - Still here! 423 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:40,561 Well, after the booths at CES and South by Southwest, 424 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,689 - all of our outreach, the Dodge Challenger... - Still here! 425 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:47,481 Plus, all the cost of working up, you know, this, 426 00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:51,246 -we are pretty much all out of money. - Follow me! 427 00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,285 Okay. 428 00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,765 Uh-oh. Somebody seems confused! 429 00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,922 Let me walk you through Pied Piper's proprietary 430 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:03,571 peer-to-peer content distribution system. 431 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:13,167 Richard? Are you indisposed? 432 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:14,810 Richard, can I come in? 433 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,931 Richard, I'm sorry the guys didn't like Pipey. 434 00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:23,046 It's over, Jared. 435 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:27,925 Well, you know, a lot of animated characters have rough starts. 436 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,810 Early Bugs Bunny cartoons were just garish displays 437 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:32,689 of anti-Japanese hysteria, 438 00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:34,683 and now he's the face of Warner Bros. 439 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:38,128 I'm not talking about Pipey, Jared. I'm talking about Pied Piper. 440 00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:42,930 We're dead. We fought Gavin Belson, Russ, Hooli, 441 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,367 the lawsuit, that fucking Box, 442 00:22:45,440 --> 00:22:47,966 all so we could build our platform the way we wanted to. 443 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:53,649 And we did, but I guess you just can't fight public opinion, 444 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:57,008 except for one woman named Bernice. 445 00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,009 Face it, Jared, being too early is the same as being wrong. 446 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:03,161 Hey- 447 00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,251 - We'll figure it out. - I don't know if we will. 448 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:13,730 Besides, I think I'm getting tired of being kicked in the balls. 449 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,121 Come on, we have a few weeks of runway left. 450 00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:18,043 Uh, I don't want to say exactly how much. 451 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,122 Again, I'm not comfortable estimating, but... 452 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,205 Take what's left of it and divide it up amongst the guys. 453 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,090 I mean, it won't be anywhere close to what you're owed in back pay, 454 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:28,571 but at least it's something. 455 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,928 Don't give up. Richard, come on, not yet. 456 00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:33,923 We've got to hang on, we've got to see what happens. 457 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,843 Something could turn around. I know it will. 458 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,488 - You really believe that? - Absolutely. 459 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,531 Gilfoyle's right, you're a terrible liar. 460 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:49,005 Um, just set an all-hands for tomorrow at 9:00 a.m. 461 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,082 And I'll tell the gang. 462 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,401 It's over, Jared. 463 00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:02,207 And lastly, our deal to furnish EndFrame boxes 464 00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:05,124 to Maleant Data System Solutions has officially closed, 465 00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:09,046 putting us far ahead of even the most optimistic profit targets 466 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:10,565 issued by this very board. 467 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:14,565 Gavin, it appears we owe you an apology. 468 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,570 We'd like to restore your full status as CEO and chair 469 00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:21,725 with a significantly revised bonus and stock options package. 470 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:23,761 Thank you. 471 00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:26,127 Of course, apology accepted. 472 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:29,124 I would like nothing more than to move forward 473 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,487 in a harmonious and productive manner. 474 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,449 Actually, with that in mind, 475 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,887 there's something I'd like to show you. 476 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,964 It's outside. Is that all right? 477 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,730 A little field trip, if you will? 478 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:44,411 Just down here. 479 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:46,571 A little farther. 480 00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:49,001 We're almost there. 481 00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,401 Just out here, everyone. Almost there. 482 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:00,484 Consider the elephant. 483 00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:07,006 Legend has it its memory is so robust it never forgets. 484 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,082 And I assure you, gentlemen of the Hooli board, 485 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,687 and lady, neither do I. 486 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,603 Okay, guys, uh, 487 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,368 we need to have a serious discussion about the future of the company. 488 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,204 What? Why is everyone smiling? 489 00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,009 Richard, something happened last night. 490 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:43,003 The daily active users are up, way up. 491 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:46,561 - Look at it. Look. - Really? 492 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:47,641 Holy shit! 493 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:50,929 Did we just get 7,000 users in a day? 494 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,445 We sure did! We're back! 495 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,644 I don't know if it was the outreach 496 00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,803 or the tutorials, but we seem to be getting traction. 497 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,281 Richard, you pulled us out of a nosedive. 498 00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:05,287 Of course, inevitably, we will run out of fuel and plummet towards the Earth, 499 00:26:05,360 --> 00:26:08,967 leaving only a crater behind of torn flesh and excrement, 500 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:11,520 but in the meantime, we are flying high! 501 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,887 Yeah. I guess we are. 502 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:15,928 You know, it's crazy, just last night I was 503 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,731 telling Jared that I thought we should shut down the company. 504 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,485 Well, perfect timing then, huh? 505 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,281 Oh. 506 00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:27,885 Excuse me. I should get this. 507 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:30,681 Hey, Jared. 508 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:36,250 - Are those numbers legit? - Of course. 509 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:40,685 - All right, then. - This is Jared. 510 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:42,726 MAN". So, are we happy? 511 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:44,882 Yeah. Worked out great. 512 00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:48,965 So let's keep the 7,000 users that I bought 513 00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:51,964 and add another thousand a day for the next week. 514 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:53,485 You got it, buddy.