1
00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:14,570
Shit. I swear I deleted a picture,
2
00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:19,726
but when I clicked back to the album,
the icon reappeared, it undeleted itself.
3
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,041
But I can't get it to happen again, so...
4
00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:23,849
Hey, Richard, totally out of the blue,
5
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,928
do you know how
we might be able to find that bug?
6
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,209
No, Dinesh. We are not releasing the beta.
7
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:32,489
We integrated the neural net a week ago.
The platform is full of bugs.
8
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:35,086
But that is what a beta is for.
9
00:00:35,160 --> 00:00:40,291
You give it to people in the real world,
they use it, and that is how we find the bugs.
10
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,283
Richard, Reid Hoffman says
11
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,204
if you're not mortally embarrassed
by the quality of your initial release,
12
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:46,566
you've released too late.
13
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,371
Okay. We already are mortally embarrassed.
14
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:53,126
Okay? We move in
and, subsequently, out of our offices,
15
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,049
mainly because it was too expensive.
16
00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:59,284
We fired two CEOs, we've pivoted to a box,
and then pivoted back.
17
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:02,807
Any more bad word-of-mouth
and we will be royally fucked.
18
00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:04,765
Where's Gilfoyle?
19
00:01:06,640 --> 00:01:10,611
Hey, Gilfoyle, the deletion issue
is ducking me again, and, um...
20
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:11,727
I'm sorry.
21
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,001
Well, hey, Richard.
22
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:14,646
Hi, Tara.
23
00:01:14,760 --> 00:01:16,569
I need to borrow your fella here for a second.
24
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,330
All right, babe, I gotta go.
25
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:20,603
Hey, when you check out the settings view,
26
00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,091
can you let me know
if there's something weird
27
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:23,366
that happens with the submit button?
28
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,841
It was a little weird when I was doing QA.
29
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:26,921
Yeah, okay.
30
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,129
- Sorry, the settings view for...
- The beta.
31
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,487
- The beta for...
- Pied Piper.
32
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,803
It's a promising compression company
that doesn't pay very well.
33
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:37,291
- You sent her the beta?
- I did.
34
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:40,443
Are you fucking insane?
It's not ready. It's riddled with bugs.
35
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,922
Really? Cause I've been test-driving it all day,
and it's pretty fucking awesome.
36
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:45,767
Really? You think so?
37
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,365
Yeah. For real.
38
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,408
Congratulations, Richard. It's so fucking cool.
39
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,562
And when the neural net kicks in,
it's gonna be rad.
40
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,483
But, you know,
I did have one problem, though.
41
00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,564
I tried to restore an old file
and it asked me to confirm twice.
42
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,449
Yeah, well, that was a bad merge.
43
00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,205
It's been there for months.
I fixed it in 10 seconds.
44
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,370
Richard...
45
00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:05,801
Maybe.
46
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:07,690
Yeah, maybe beta.
47
00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:13,160
- Hi, Dinesh.
Java.
48
00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:26,725
Wait, that can't be right.
49
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,802
How can Bachmanity
still be so far in the hole?
50
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:30,564
Look at all this shit that Big Head is selling.
51
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,563
He was renting
virtually everything in the house.
52
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,685
He rented that cannon?
53
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:39,325
It was for display purposes only.
So you forfeit your deposit.
54
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,165
It's a cannon.
What's he supposed to do, not fire it?
55
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,526
That was the provision.
56
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:45,005
So that's it then, I guess.
57
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,570
Big Head's really broke.
58
00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:50,364
You know what? He's young. He'll get past it.
59
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,801
Nelson is not the only one
who should be worried.
60
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,882
- You were partners.
- Fair point.
61
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:59,249
But shuttering a company in the tech world
is almost a rite of passage,
62
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:00,606
like herpes simplex one.
63
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,481
At first, it's ugly and embarrassing
and you're disgusted by your own dick.
64
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,200
But after a while,
65
00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:09,521
in the larger scheme of things,
you realize it's really...
66
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,729
Mr. Bachman, you structured Bachmanity
as a general partnership.
67
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:17,601
Then, with no money in the bank,
you threw a million-dollar luau on Alcatraz.
68
00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:18,920
You're on the hook for that.
69
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,046
And even declaring bankruptcy
isn't going to absolve you of these debts.
70
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,724
Bankruptcy?
71
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,370
it's none of my business. Good luck.
72
00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,250
Wait, where are you going?
We need you. You're our business manager.
73
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,607
There's no business remaining to manage.
74
00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:32,966
Good day, Mr. Bachman.
75
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:35,766
Hey, good news.
76
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,569
They said we can each
keep one of the cannonballs,
77
00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,449
so not a total loss, right?
78
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,571
All right, so I've set up
a sign-up page for the beta.
79
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:48,120
Now, we're gonna keep it small and secure,
80
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:52,171
so that means we're limited
to 10 invite codes each to send out.
81
00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:54,126
I've already got my list.
82
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,043
It's people that I know personally,
83
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,370
and people that I know I can trust.
84
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:02,887
Hmm, we only get 10 each.
This could be prickly.
85
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,008
Well, I'm out. I don't trust anyone.
86
00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,764
It's a huge part of my belief system.
87
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:09,047
You sent the beta to Tara.
88
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,771
Yeah, there was a transactional nature
to that exchange,
89
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:13,968
-which I'll get into if you want.
- Pass.
90
00:04:14,040 --> 00:04:17,123
But it doesn't mean that I trust her,
and I certainly don't trust anyone else.
91
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,608
Oh, in other words, you have no friends.
92
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:21,681
On principle.
93
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,721
I could make what rises to your low
standards of a friend any time I want.
94
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,847
Sure you could.
95
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:31,561
Gilfoyle, if you're not gonna use your 10
invites, could Dinesh and I have them?
96
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,450
Sure. Knock yourselves out.
97
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:36,124
Loser. He's got no friends.
98
00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:38,040
Okay.
99
00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,600
Miriam, Sylvia...
100
00:04:45,840 --> 00:04:49,447
Oh, Samantha!
I almost forgot her.
101
00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,922
You know, Jared, you can have
all 10 of Gilfoyle's invites.
102
00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:54,726
- Much appreciated.
- Yeah.
103
00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:57,850
Monica, hello.
104
00:04:57,920 --> 00:05:00,651
Um, did you honestly think that you could
send me an email
105
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:04,406
telling me that you were launching the beta
without sending me the beta?
106
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,925
Come on. I'm dying to see it.
107
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,571
Well, I think the whole point, Monica,
is to get the beta
108
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,290
into the hands of unbiased people
109
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:12,647
so they can give us an honest feedback,
you know.
110
00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,802
Besides, I just gave out my 10 invites.
111
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,930
Oh, if Monica wants an invite,
I could, like, squeeze her on my list.
112
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,048
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, no problem.
113
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:23,009
Okay, Monica, well, you're in luck.
114
00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:25,845
Dinesh has decided to give you
one of his codes, so...
115
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,651
Great. I promise I'll find
something terrible to say.
116
00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:33,805
Okay, so I did a rough accounting
117
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,281
of your assets and liabilities.
118
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,886
Jared, don't look at me like that.
Just give it to me straight.
119
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,885
All right. Your house has appreciated
in value since you bought it,
120
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,646
but if you sold it now
for what Zillow and Redfin think it's worth...
121
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:48,449
I'd still be half a million in the hole.
122
00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:50,648
Now, that's the bad news.
123
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,891
- Is there good news?
- Well, it's unclear.
124
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,531
I went back through your records.
125
00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:01,208
Uh, at first, I'll admit, a bit voyeuristically,
uh, to see where all of the money went,
126
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,204
and apart from the party expenses,
which were staggering...
127
00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:05,281
Yeah. Fuck, yeah.
128
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:07,010
But one number jumped out at me.
129
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:09,204
Now, whoever did your accounting
130
00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:13,683
earmarked almost 70%
of Big Head's settlement money for taxes.
131
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,520
70%?
132
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:19,730
Even in Taxo-Alto, which I coined,
it would be half that.
133
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,040
Where did that money go?
134
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,442
Well, that is the $6-million question.
135
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,045
I may have the answer.
136
00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:31,926
I'm sorry. You're accusing me of impropriety?
137
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:35,728
You, the man who spent $20,000
138
00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,565
renting giant fiberglass tiki heads,
139
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,001
and $40,000 more
140
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:43,926
when one of them was misplaced
on the way back to the rental house?
141
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:47,083
I told you it wasn't misplaced.
I know exactly where it is.
142
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:49,242
It's at the bottom of the bay.
143
00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:53,086
I called you a thief because
you, sir, have stolen from us.
144
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,004
Nelson, come on.
You can't possibly believe this.
145
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:59,041
- Sorry.
- Don't apologize to him.
146
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:00,770
- Oh, right. Sorry.
- Thank you.
147
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:03,207
Arthur, you listen to me, and you listen good.
148
00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:06,762
I have people calling me 40 times a day
asking for their money.
149
00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,486
I even considered
selling my house to pay them.
150
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,042
So you are going to go in your
little fucking piggy bank right now
151
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,403
and pay back every fucking kopeck
152
00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,245
that you stole from Big Head.
153
00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,369
And if you don't,
we're gonna take our little show on the road,
154
00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,883
perhaps perform it for a man named the DA.
155
00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,525
Ridiculous.
156
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:27,965
Very well.
157
00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,969
Game on.
158
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,370
Let's go, Big Head.
159
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:37,081
Wait.
160
00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,084
I may have moved around
some of your money
161
00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,924
in a way that wasn't exactly conventional.
162
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,487
- Give me back Big Head's fucking money!
- Yeah!
163
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,005
- Sorry. Sorry.
- No, you did good.
164
00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:50,562
I can't, because I don't have it.
165
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,291
Hey, Marc, we may have a problem.
166
00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,601
What's up?
167
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:00,728
Well, a buddy of mine at Datatrode
168
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:04,009
sits next to a guy
who just got invited to Pied Piper's beta.
169
00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:05,923
Shit. They're already in beta?
170
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,126
Should I tell Gavin?
171
00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,089
Fuck, no. We're still two or three months out.
172
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:13,529
Yeah, if he hears Pied Piper's already in beta,
trust me, he'll lose his shit.
173
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:17,685
Fine. But if it ever comes up,
I didn't hear about this.
174
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,562
- And this came in when?
- Forty-three minutes ago.
175
00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,483
And deleted six minutes after that.
176
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,245
Fortunately, the filters,
which I had installed, sir,
177
00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,725
caught the relevant keywords.
178
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,689
I decided to walk it to you personally.
179
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,366
An employee's withholding
critical information about a competitor.
180
00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:34,805
This is a fireable offense.
181
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,325
You want me to bring this guy in?
182
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:37,481
No.
183
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:41,724
Acting on this would expose the fact
that we're reading employees' private emails,
184
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:44,246
destroying the spirit of trust
and freedom to innovate
185
00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,368
that I've worked so hard to build here at Hooli.
186
00:08:46,440 --> 00:08:48,647
You know, it makes you wonder
if the word "Hooli"
187
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,007
has any meaning for these people
whatsoever.
188
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,686
Is there anything I can do?
189
00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:54,121
Yeah.
190
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,489
Get me a look at that Pied Piper beta.
191
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:58,449
I will figure out a way, sir.
192
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,608
Finally. Where the fuck have you...
193
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,281
- Hey, thanks for the lift, Kevin.
- Yeah, no worries.
194
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,447
Oh, Kevin, this is Dinesh,
one of my coworkers.
195
00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:30,047
- Dinesh, this is Kevin. We met at Philz Coffee.
- Hey.
196
00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:33,650
- We're friends now. Isn't that right, Kevin?
- Yeah.
197
00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,880
All right, my friend.
I should get to work, so thanks for the lift.
198
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,008
- Yeah.
- Thanks for the coffees.
199
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,281
Oh...
200
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,803
Catch you later, my friend.
201
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,009
That was my friend, Kevin.
202
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:50,526
Congratulations. You now have one friend.
203
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,206
He also said there was
a bug on the landing page.
204
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:54,731
- Well, how severe is it?
- Not bad.
205
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,564
Compared to the rest of what he said,
it's nothing.
206
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,170
Guys, uh, you might as well
hear this from me.
207
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:03,528
Uh, I just had a long talk about the beta
with my friend, Todd Chambers.
208
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:06,604
- The Dropbox guy?
- Yeah, he was employee number 11.
209
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,762
Why did you send it to him?
He hates everything.
210
00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:10,604
Well, because I thought he would be
honest with me,
211
00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:13,684
and, um, he was, quite honest. Uh...
212
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:18,051
He said that in the 15 years
he's been working in the Valley,
213
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:21,408
our beta was the best beta he's ever seen.
214
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,687
- By far.
- What? Really?
215
00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:25,649
I don't want to count our chickens
before they hatch.
216
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,485
I mean, 3% of hatchlings
are born mutated or dead,
217
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:31,723
but we may have
a healthy brood on our hands.
218
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,810
I'm getting the same reaction.
219
00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:36,645
I mean, a few bugs here and there,
but overall, they love it.
220
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,768
We might be holding pocket aces here.
221
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:39,966
Awesome.
222
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,321
Hey, guys.
223
00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,641
- How you holding up?
- Good, yeah.
224
00:10:44,720 --> 00:10:47,121
I mean, just trying to make sense
of all the feedback.
225
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,044
Well, you know, I guess
you just can't let it get in your head.
226
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,644
- Did you mean "go to my head"?
- What did I say?
227
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:56,610
You said "get in your head,"
like it's a bad thing, but it's not.
228
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,250
- It's great. People love it.
- Really?
229
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,766
Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe it myself.
230
00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:02,046
They're flipping out.
231
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,326
That's awesome. That...
232
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,721
And that's for the beta that you sent me?
233
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:08,610
No, Monica. It's for the other beta
that we've got kicking around here.
234
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:15,885
I mean, I have an inbox full of raves here
for the upload performance, the mobile, the...
235
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,803
What about the interface?
236
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,121
Did people have any issues with that?
237
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:21,765
No, not at all. Why?
238
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,368
Do you have any issues with the interface?
239
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,326
I haven't actually had a chance
to look at it yet.
240
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,646
Are you serious?
You've been sitting on the beta for a day
241
00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,326
after busting my balls
about not getting an invite?
242
00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,925
Pretty fuckin' lame.
243
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,843
Yeah. Sorry.
244
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,649
Yeah. Lame.
245
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:42,051
I just got an email from my friend,
Max Karnow.
246
00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,964
And he says, "I heard the beta's awesome.
Can I get a look?"
247
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,002
Guys, I think we're starting to get some buzz.
248
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:52,366
You know, maybe we should talk to Laurie
about moving up the official launch?
249
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,202
- You want to move it up?
- Yeah, I think we're ready.
250
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,442
I mean, do you think
you could set the meeting?
251
00:11:58,320 --> 00:11:59,401
Yeah.
252
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:02,324
Yeah, I'll go tell Laurie right now.
253
00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:04,481
Okay.
254
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:07,405
What was that about?
255
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:09,209
She's fucking weird.
256
00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,361
Hey, Richard, um,
257
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,202
if your friend Max Karnow needs an invite,
258
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:17,170
you know, I could probably
squeeze him on my list.
259
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:19,085
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
260
00:12:19,160 --> 00:12:21,925
I'll have to freeze out one of my boys,
but they'll get it.
261
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,209
Just shoot me his email.
262
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:30,762
The perpetrator has been losing money
for other clients for years,
263
00:12:30,840 --> 00:12:34,970
was lying to us and funneling our money
to said other clients,
264
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,407
therein, fucking us.
265
00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,087
You know, I'm sorry to say
this is not an uncommon occurrence.
266
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:45,404
Wait, it's not an uncommon... So then it...
267
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,127
Okay, got it.
268
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,441
So if it makes any difference,
269
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:53,127
I'd like to vie for a lesser sentence,
270
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,362
if after he makes full restitution,
271
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,330
he would write a very convincing
public apology, preferably...
272
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,526
Mr. Bachman,
273
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:04,210
an action like this
is very expensive and time-consuming,
274
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:07,568
and as you've already pointed out,
even if you do prevail,
275
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:10,684
the money is gone,
unless you win a court order
276
00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:13,331
allowing you to raid
other innocent people's bank accounts,
277
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,925
and that's a tough sell,
278
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:19,485
even for a plaintiff who's more,
uh, sympathetic.
279
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,722
Are you calling us unsympathetic?
280
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,848
You just threw a million-dollar party.
281
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,641
A tasteful Polynesian affair,
culturally accurate,
282
00:13:27,720 --> 00:13:29,563
which I'm sure you would appreciate,
283
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,561
and one that we can no longer pay for
because this criminal has left us flat broke.
284
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,721
Also not true.
285
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:38,646
You have a large stake
in a company called Pied Piper.
286
00:13:38,720 --> 00:13:41,963
Yes, but I can't sell my shares at Pied Piper.
Not now.
287
00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:43,883
Wouldn't it cover your outstanding debts?
288
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,089
Of course. But they could
potentially be worth billions.
289
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,083
Yes, and how do you see
that playing to people
290
00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,811
who are being priced out of their homes
by rich tech people?
291
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,768
Have either of you been on a jury?
292
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:58,686
No, of course not. I always get out of it.
The fines are very reasonable.
293
00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:00,524
You don't just throw those things away?
294
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:01,886
Gentlemen, let me tell you what I see.
295
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,760
I see two able-bodied,
entitled young white men
296
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:08,923
who lucked into more money than
most people see in five lifetimes,
297
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:11,401
and who, if they hadn't
had their millions stolen,
298
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,811
would have promptly squandered them
299
00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:16,771
on more things like
relocated swimming pools and lost tiki heads.
300
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:19,289
It's not lost.
301
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,446
I know exactly where it is. It's in the bay.
302
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,411
And if your Coast Guard
would be a little more helpful,
303
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,244
we probably could have
dragged it out of there by now.
304
00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,765
Mr. Bachman,
305
00:14:30,080 --> 00:14:33,971
you pay those caterers and bartenders
you owe money to,
306
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:37,886
or I assure you that I will prosecute.
307
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,766
Mr. Chugtai,
308
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,287
I am gonna need all the phone numbers
of the people on your list.
309
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,687
Why?
310
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,331
I'm just calling everybody
that was on the beta
311
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,166
and saying hi and a quick thank you
and then just a couple of follow-up questions.
312
00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,527
Yeah. I don't think so.
313
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,170
What do you mean?
314
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:59,322
Well, I mean, put yourself in their shoes.
315
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:03,007
They're, like, snowboarding in Tahoe
or, like, banging some smokin' chick,
316
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:06,801
and then this fuckin' nerd calls
and he wants to talk about his app.
317
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:07,881
Buzz-kill.
318
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,849
Wait. Your boys are where?
319
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,282
Well, those are just hypotheticals.
320
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,967
I mean, my boys could be anywhere.
I don't keep track of my boys.
321
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,003
Actually, we can.
322
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:22,650
We have the IP address and GPS coordinates
for every active user,
323
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:26,243
so we can figure out
just where your boys are at.
324
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,007
Um, you added a god-view?
When did you do that?
325
00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:33,209
Right before I gave it to Tara.
I told you, trust no one.
326
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,126
Oh, that is very cool. Nice work, Gilfoyle.
327
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:40,086
And we can isolate each of our users.
328
00:15:40,160 --> 00:15:41,400
Dinesh's, for example...
329
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:45,963
Before we invade people's privacy,
there is a conversation about ethics.
330
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:50,409
Why is it that five of your users
show up at this address?
331
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,130
Oh, it's buggy.
332
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,410
Should we beta-test the god-view?
333
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,165
I'm happy to drag this out
as long as you want to.
334
00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:00,041
Fine.
335
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,882
I was having trouble filling up my list,
so I made up a few people.
336
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:08,485
Well, people do create imaginary friends
to meet their emotional needs.
337
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:12,451
When I was little, I used to pretend that
I shared a room with Harriet Tubman
338
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,409
and we were always planning our big escape.
339
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,207
Wait.
340
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,887
Who is this,
and why are they at the Hooli campus?
341
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,001
What?
342
00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,809
Did you give the beta
to someone at fucking Hooli?
343
00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,126
Who's Max Karnow?
344
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:29,205
Oh! That's not one of my friends.
I have no friends. Got him from Richard.
345
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,089
No. No, that can't be right.
346
00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:33,689
I went
to Hendricks' Facebook page.
347
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,001
I found a friend of his
that lived near Palo Alto,
348
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:38,924
searched his name and found
that he was in the tech business.
349
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:43,244
I then came up with a great idea
to dummy up an email account in his name,
350
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,446
sent a beta request to Hendricks,
and then voila'.
351
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,410
- That's incredible.
- Yes, well, it is my craft.
352
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:54,485
You see, I think security detail
is like creating great jazz where we...
353
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:58,201
What are you talk... I'm talking about the beta.
Will you shut the fuck up?
354
00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,564
Fuck, this is good.
355
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:03,291
Their sign-up flow, their mobile app,
it's just seamless.
356
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:04,646
How are they doing this?
357
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,088
I can put a team on that, sir.
If you want to know how they...
358
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,845
What? Why are you so high-maintenance?
359
00:17:09,920 --> 00:17:12,241
- Do you want me to answer that, sir?
- No! God damn it!
360
00:17:12,320 --> 00:17:13,970
You're so needy!
361
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:19,442
Okay, I just talked to the real Max Karnow,
and he had no idea about the beta.
362
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,046
Wow, um, clearly, we're dealing
with a Hooli spy here.
363
00:17:23,120 --> 00:17:25,248
So what do we do?
364
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,766
I mean, shut down his account, obviously.
365
00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:30,730
Yeah. On it. Sorry, Dinesh.
366
00:17:31,320 --> 00:17:33,891
You will now have one less fake friend.
367
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,526
Wait, Gilfoyle.
368
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:40,003
Is shutting down this guy's account really
the worst thing we can think of to do to him?
369
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,842
Oh, my God. Where the fuck is my head?
370
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,170
Stand by.
371
00:17:46,600 --> 00:17:48,568
Look at their compression ratios.
372
00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,371
The more files uploaded, the better they get?
373
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,646
Are we doing that?
374
00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:54,764
No. Not really.
375
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,411
That's gotta be some kind of
machine learning optimization.
376
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:59,767
- Maybe a neural net?
- Well, then I want that.
377
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,401
You need to put that into our platform. Now.
378
00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:06,404
I'm not even sure we have the resources here
to engineer something like that.
379
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,285
And even if we did, our platform
isn't designed to accommodate it.
380
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,687
You're talking about a ground-up rebuild.
381
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,490
Great. So do that. And beat them to market.
382
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,646
That's impossible.
383
00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,085
You're at Hooli now, Marc.
384
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:24,687
And in case you didn't know, here at Hooli,
we make the impossible possible.
385
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,290
So if I say I need...
386
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,483
- What the fuck is happening?
- Oh, shit!
387
00:18:29,560 --> 00:18:31,449
It looks like a zip bomb.
They must know it's us.
388
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,126
- That hard drive is fucked.
- This is my personal laptop.
389
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,851
You opened a stolen beta
on your personal computer?
390
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,809
Yes. And I installed it on my phone.
391
00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,203
Shit. It could fry the entire system.
392
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:44,169
- Cut the power to the building!
- No, Gavin.
393
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:47,528
It's isolated to your user account,
so it's just your laptop and your phone.
394
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:49,523
It has no impact on the rest of the network.
395
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:51,489
You don't know that. You don't know shit.
None of you do!
396
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,801
You don't even know
what Hendricks is capable of.
397
00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:58,442
Cut the power to the building!
Cut the power to the building!
398
00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:00,684
And that's that.
399
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:05,564
- And now, delete user.
- Nice.
400
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:08,606
Wait, is that Monica? She finally opened it.
401
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,682
Oh, yeah. Well, that's odd.
402
00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,603
It says here that
she started using it yesterday.
403
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,002
Wait, so she lied?
404
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,128
Why would she lie about using the beta?
405
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,965
Yeah, why would Dinesh lie
about having friends?
406
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,646
Why would Tara lie to me
about fucking other guys
407
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:26,770
when we have a totally open and hedonistic
relationship that allows for behavior like that?
408
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,082
Because people like to lie, Richard.
409
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,609
It's a war of all against all.
410
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,771
The history of humanity
is a book written in blood.
411
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,522
We're all just animals in a pit.
412
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:43,083
- I feel very sad.
- Fucking Gilfoyle.
413
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:47,608
No, no. What are you doing?
Get back to work.
414
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,160
On what?
You powered down all the computers.
415
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,687
Use a notepad. Code on your phone.
We have a deadline here.
416
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:55,724
No, Gavin, you have a deadline.
417
00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,411
We quit, like we should have done
the first time.
418
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:00,251
What first time? What are you talking about?
419
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,607
We both worked at Nucleus
right here in this room.
420
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,927
Yeah, before you fired us and rehired us
421
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,241
to do the exact same thing
without ever noticing.
422
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,243
I invited you to my wedding, Gavin.
423
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,166
Why?
424
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,806
We just lost our key engineers.
What the hell do we do now?
425
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,531
No one leaves this room until we figure it out.
426
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:23,685
Thanks for the lift.
427
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:26,286
Steve's place
is pretty far away from everything,
428
00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,840
but he's letting me stay on his couch for free,
so...
429
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,327
And you were supposed to be my meal ticket.
430
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:34,761
Yeah.
431
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:36,764
Hold on. C.J. called.
432
00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:40,248
Hey, uh, just wanted to let you know
about a great new story I'm chasing.
433
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:44,848
It's a cautionary tale of two young
entrepreneurs who flew too close to the sun.
434
00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,890
I mean, apparently,
in the midst of losing millions,
435
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:49,928
they threw a huge party they couldn't afford.
436
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,402
I talked to two bartenders and a caterer
who worked your party the other night.
437
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:56,285
None of them have been paid. Call me.
438
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,241
Well, it appears we've spent our last dime
439
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:03,809
acquiring a tech blog
whose chief focus is chronicling our demise.
440
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,204
Jian-Yang.
441
00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,364
Erlich Bachman,
is your refrigerator running?
442
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,409
This is Mike Hunt.
443
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,200
Oh, here, here it is on the right.
444
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:19,766
Thanks, man.
445
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:24,044
Hey, are you sure you're cool
with me taking both cannonballs?
446
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,123
- I'm sure.
- Thanks, partner.
447
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,611
I got it.
448
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,082
I know you lied.
449
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:55,244
- Sorry.
- What the fuck?
450
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,284
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
451
00:21:57,360 --> 00:21:59,089
How the hell did you know that I was here?
452
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:01,367
Well, we have god-view on the beta,
453
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:03,488
and I saw you leave your office
and come here.
454
00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,369
So you're stalking me?
455
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,488
Look, Monica, I know you're lying
about not using the beta,
456
00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:10,040
so why haven't I heard from you?
457
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:12,841
- Richard...
- No, it's okay.
458
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,210
If you don't like it, you can say it.
459
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:19,566
Everybody loves it, so I think I can handle
one negative review.
460
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,285
Fine. I don't like it.
461
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,840
Really? Are you serious?
Everybody else loves it.
462
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,844
I've never wanted to
like something more in my life, Richard.
463
00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:32,685
- I just... I don't.
- Okay.
464
00:22:32,760 --> 00:22:35,047
What specifically do you not like about it?
465
00:22:36,040 --> 00:22:37,451
Specifically?
466
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,249
All of it.
467
00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:45,530
I mean, it's not, it's not the UX or the design
or anything that you can tweak.
468
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,571
It's just, the whole thing feels engineered.
469
00:22:50,080 --> 00:22:53,050
Okay. Well, that might make sense
because, um, I'm an engineer.
470
00:22:53,120 --> 00:22:55,646
Look, you've gotten
overwhelmingly positive feedback.
471
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,530
The build is incredibly stable,
and you're out of money.
472
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:03,921
So if you think it's ready, you should launch
and unlock the next $3 million.
473
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:08,122
Look, Monica, I value your opinion,
474
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,966
and you're the one that doesn't like it,
so I don't know.
475
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,640
Richard, look.
476
00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,249
I passed on Slack.
477
00:23:19,640 --> 00:23:20,687
Really?
478
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,650
I never told Laurie.
She'd probably fire me if she knew,
479
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:28,487
but I had a chance to buy
20% of Slack for nothing, and I passed.
480
00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,004
I didn't get it. I still don't.
481
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:33,686
I mean, what is it?
Is it email? Is it a chat room?
482
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,083
Turns out, the answer is,
it's a $3-billion company.
483
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,842
But that's the fucked-up thing
about what we do.
484
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,649
Sometimes our opinion is wrong.
485
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:43,722
And no matter how good something is,
486
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,371
there's always gonna be someone
who doesn't get it.
487
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:50,169
And unfortunately, with Pied Piper, it's me.
488
00:23:51,280 --> 00:23:52,281
Um...
489
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,560
A week ago, I was worried
about releasing a beta no one would like.
490
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,124
I'm just bummed
that you're the one that doesn't like it.
491
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,646
Which is why you can't listen to anyone else.
492
00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:04,405
If you believe in something,
493
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:07,370
don't let anyone talk you out of it,
including me.
494
00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:13,522
Peter Gregory always said,
"Don't invest in products, invest in people."
495
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,602
I invested in you,
496
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:18,921
and if you think it's ready to go,
497
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,731
I will go to Laurie and fight like hell for it.
498
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,808
So, what do you want to do?
499
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,121
Congratulations, everyone.
500
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:31,406
Yeah, I can't believe it.
501
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,130
We're actually finally launching.
502
00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,720
Yes. Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.
503
00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:37,882
Pats on the back. Pats on the back.
504
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:48,441
Gentlemen, I just realized
I've forgotten to take a shit.
505
00:24:49,520 --> 00:24:52,000
So, uh, I'll see you back at the old homestead.
506
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:53,241
Okay.
507
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:01,846
Laurie.
508
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,690
I have a business proposition
I'd like to discuss with you.
509
00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:08,929
It's about my shares in Pied Piper.
510
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,760
Okay, T minus five minutes.
511
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,841
Dinesh, are you still
seriously squashing bugs?
512
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,845
Not really. I'm so fucking tired,
I'm creating more than I'm fixing.
513
00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:24,649
Where the fuck is Gilfoyle?
514
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,409
This isn't easy for me to do.
515
00:25:29,480 --> 00:25:31,448
You served me well, old friend.
516
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,887
But we're transferring to AWS now,
517
00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,887
and I'm afraid you can't come.
518
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:48,809
Oh, I'm pathetic?
519
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:54,486
I'd rather have a bunch of fake friends
than be best friends with a fucking metal box.
520
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,524
Can't you two see?
521
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,844
You're each other's best friends.
522
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:01,571
Fuck you, Jared.
523
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,570
Yeah. Jinx.
524
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,403
You owe each other a friendship.
525
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,329
One minute. Holy shit.
526
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:12,201
Holy shit.
527
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:13,850
Excuse me. I gotta...
528
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,167
- Hello?
- Hey, it's C.J.
529
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,561
Uh, I just heard from the folks
that worked your party.
530
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:22,923
- And?
- And it turns out they were paid in full.
531
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:26,527
So apparently I owe you an apology,
and I feel bad.
532
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,446
Not as bad as I feel, I can assure you.
533
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,284
Yeah, I'm getting another call.
534
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:36,401
Hello?
535
00:26:36,480 --> 00:26:39,529
Erlich Bachman, this is your mom,
536
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,762
and you are not my baby.
537
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:45,640
Not now, Jian-Yang! Not now!
Go back into your room!
538
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,610
- Sorry.
-It's okay.
539
00:26:50,200 --> 00:26:51,361
Here we are, Erlich.
540
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,410
Jobs and Woz, Woz and Jobs.
541
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,448
I mean, we did it. You and me, man, forever.
542
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,521
All right.
543
00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:00,524
Richard, never been more excited
to be proven wrong.
544
00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,567
Yeah, well, get ready
for your lives to change forever.
545
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:13,842
Five, four, three, two, one...