1 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:09,085 Okay, here's another one. 2 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,370 TechCrunch says, "Laurie Bream spotted lunching at the Rosewood 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:15,886 "with yet another rising tech star, Sam Herron. 4 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:19,567 "Could this finally be the new CEO of Pied Piper?" 5 00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:21,844 Maybe she's just fucking them all. 6 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:24,207 It's been 10 days. You know what would be nice? 7 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,762 If I found out what Laurie wanted to do with my company from her 8 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,245 instead of the fucking Internet. 9 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:32,967 Richard, the accountants finally agreed to release our books. 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:34,965 Okay. 11 00:00:36,160 --> 00:00:39,721 Hey, Richard. ls there anything we should be doing? 12 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,087 I don't know. Why are you asking me? I'm not the CEO. 13 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:43,286 There is no CEO. 14 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:46,284 Because, apparently, Jack's empty fucking chair 15 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:47,731 is a better choice than I am. 16 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,644 So, maybe ask the chair, see what it thinks. 17 00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:53,040 Say what you will about the chair, 18 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,010 but at least it never told me to build a fucking box. 19 00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,561 True. Compared to Richard, it's a lot sturdier. 20 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,644 And it has a lot less of Barker's ass rubbed all over it. 21 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,361 Are you serious? 22 00:01:14,840 --> 00:01:17,241 On top of Jack's ridiculous severance package, 23 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,164 we spent $1,000 on each one of your fucking monitors? 24 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:23,643 We did? Huh. That's very pricey. 25 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,929 So what? Raviga funded us for $5 million. 26 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,686 There's no way we burned through all that. 27 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,684 Do you have any idea how these deals work? That money's tranched. 28 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,771 - What's that? - Well, from the Old French for "slice." 29 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,004 Yeah, try to keep up, Dinesh. 30 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,764 We get our money in stages. 31 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,491 Right? We get $2 million upfront to get us going, 32 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,130 to design and build the product, 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,727 but we don't get the next three million until we take a product to market. 34 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,491 And Jack was okay with hemorrhaging money, 35 00:01:49,560 --> 00:01:51,483 because he thought we were launching the box 36 00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:54,211 and then getting the next three million in the next few weeks. 37 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,721 But the platform will take way longer to launch than that. 38 00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,447 Yes. So we are effectively a $250 million company 39 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,727 who just took $5 million in funding, 40 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,804 and now we're dead-ass broke. 41 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:06,804 Our burn rate is astronomical, 42 00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,247 and every day we sit in limbo like this... 43 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,371 What if we don't? 44 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,248 What if we don't sit in limbo? 45 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,004 Like, fuck limbo, right? 46 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:24,601 I mean, right now, let's fire all these fucking sales assholes, 47 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,047 and break the lease on this place and get the fuck out of here. 48 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,290 Can we do that? There's no CEO here to approve any of that. 49 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:34,001 Yeah. There's also no CEO here to tell me not to do it, right? 50 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,567 That's right. You're the CTO. Technically, you're the ranking officer. 51 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,961 Fucking A. 52 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:42,203 Look, when, or if, a new CEO comes to take over the company, 53 00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:46,205 we will do what they say to the best of our abilities. 54 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,647 But there is a very real possibility 55 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,087 that there won't be a company for them to take over 56 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,282 if we don't do something about it now. 57 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:56,371 - So, no more surprise waffles. - What? 58 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:57,885 - No more Chef Amy. - No. 59 00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,201 And no more of these stupid offices, okay? 60 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,611 We're going to move back to the hostel. 61 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,526 - Fuck. - Dinesh, we need to cut every corner, 62 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:09,128 save every penny, and plow it into engineers to build the platform. Okay? 63 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,281 Then we will be back on track. 64 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:13,603 So Gilfoyle, Dinesh, pack up those gold-plated monitors 65 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,764 because we are selling them. 66 00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,202 Jared, come on. Let's do this. 67 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,448 Hmm. Well, that sucks. 68 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:26,641 Jesus. 69 00:03:31,480 --> 00:03:34,165 Okay, guys. Can I have your attention, please? 70 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:35,720 Yeah, next goal wins. 71 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,327 No. Now. Sorry, it's got to be now. 72 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:42,046 And so, bring it in, Dang, 73 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:45,010 Chef Amy, Jan the Man, Keith, Northeast Regional. 74 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,246 And do you still have your shadow? 75 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:47,766 - Yo. - Hey, there he is. 76 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:49,604 Okay, uh, circle up. 77 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:51,888 All right, I have some news for you. 78 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,650 Is this about the new CEO? 79 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:55,324 Recode is saying that it could be Reid Hoffman. 80 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,405 No. I don't know anything about that. 81 00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:02,166 No, no. There's no new CEO. There's no new employees of any kind. 82 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:06,245 There's actually... It's more about you guys becoming former employees. 83 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,564 So, look, we're heading in a different direction. 84 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,242 And what that means is, if I haven't taken you aside 85 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,802 and spoken to you privately about staying on, that does mean that you are 86 00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,370 terminated immediately. 87 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,610 So, Dang, Chef Amy, Jan the Man, all of Sales, 88 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,648 I am really sorry about all this. 89 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:27,451 Are you sure that you can fire us, like, legally? 90 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,130 Yeah. Yes, absolutely. 91 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,363 I'm CTO. I'm the highest ranking officer, so yes, answer. 92 00:04:33,680 --> 00:04:36,524 You're still CTO? Laurie hasn't fired you yet? 93 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,488 No, she has... Why would she fire me? 94 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,642 Well, Code/Rag said that your tech is mediocre 95 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,728 and that's why no one will take the CEO job. 96 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,961 - What? - Yeah. 97 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,280 That's why I assumed that you'd been fired. 98 00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,520 Uh, maybe she's waiting till Friday to fire him. 99 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,962 - Oh, that makes sense. - No, it doesn't make sense. 100 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:53,644 That's not what's happening, okay? 101 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,484 I'm not getting fired. That's crazy. 102 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:57,688 I haven't read this article. Okay, maybe I'm too busy 103 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,366 making the tech awesome, because it's not mediocre. 104 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:02,920 It's actually... Turns out, it's fucking revolutionary. 105 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,082 So, I guess that's the truth. 106 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,124 And also, I'm not fired, these guys aren't fired, you all are fired. 107 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,249 Everyone from this wall is fired. So, enjoy being fired. 108 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,410 Jesus. This is a good apple. 109 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,722 - Where did you get this? - Oh, I have a fruit guy. 110 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:24,721 Fantastic. 111 00:05:25,280 --> 00:05:26,770 Read me back what we have so far. 112 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,323 Uh, "Bachman and Bighetti shall each include in this venture 113 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:32,687 "any and all portfolio companies. 114 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,570 "The exception shall be for Pied Piper." 115 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,730 Hey, how come Pied Piper is not a part of it? 116 00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,690 'Cause, you know, I actually used to work there, so maybe it should be? 117 00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:45,128 Big Head, Pied Piper is no longer an incubating entity. 118 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,686 It would be unfair to you, and to me, and to them 119 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,206 for me to relinquish any of my shares in their company. 120 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:55,248 And besides, like you, I'm giving up everything else I have of value, 121 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,891 shares, options, cash, liquid assets. 122 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,043 Wait. So all my assets? 123 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,890 That seems like kind of a lot. 124 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:06,170 It is a lot, Big Head. We're both giving up a lot. 125 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,368 We're both gaining a lot also. 126 00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:11,125 And that's what every successful partnership is about. 127 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,809 Committing fully, blindly, and without concern of the consequences, 128 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,962 -like marriage. - Right. 129 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,125 Oh, here. Get this down. 130 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:23,690 In the event of a tie vote, any disagreement shall be settled 131 00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:27,802 with a toss of a coin of Mr. Bachman's choosing. 132 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,166 What the fuck are you doing in here? 133 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:32,811 Can't you see we're having a meeting? 134 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,049 Go ahead, Big Head, read that back to me. 135 00:06:36,280 --> 00:06:39,170 Oh, um, "In the event of a tie..." 136 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:41,571 The fucking juicer's broken. 137 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,483 This is the second one in two days! 138 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,925 C.J. Cantwell of Code/Rag writes, and I quote, 139 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,446 "Having met this many candidates without closing one, 140 00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:56,447 "one can't help wonder why Pied Piper can't land a man. 141 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,766 "Could the vaunted tech of founder Richard Hendricks, 142 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:03,083 "whom I once called the next Mark Zuckerberg, 143 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:08,166 "be turning Pied Piper from a unicorn into a donkey wearing a party hat?" 144 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,769 - And? - And she's slandering my tech. 145 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,683 It's the one thing that's working around here. 146 00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,924 Look, I think if I just talk to her, I can get her to change it. 147 00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:21,601 No. I do not want you to engage with a muckraker like C.J. Cantwell 148 00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,808 simply to salve your male ego. 149 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:26,122 My male ego has nothing to do with this, Laurie. 150 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:30,489 Look, good coders won't want to work for a company they think has shitty tech. 151 00:07:30,560 --> 00:07:33,723 I need to get ahead of this now. And if I don't, we're done. 152 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:37,850 Richard, whether you appreciate this or not, I do actually have a plan here. 153 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:40,844 You can meet with everyone in Palo Alto to replace me as CEO. 154 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:42,524 I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. 155 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,524 Okay, but I need to do something about this, now. 156 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:47,967 She's calling us the next Clinkle. 157 00:07:48,480 --> 00:07:49,925 Clinkle, Laurie. Clinkle. 158 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:52,002 You do know what happened to Clinkle, right? 159 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,560 - Do you want us to be Clinkle? - Please, just stop saying "Clinkle." 160 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,005 It jars the ear. 161 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:59,602 Fine. I will have my office set up an interview. 162 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:02,481 But I want you to present yourself well, Richard. 163 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,562 Be showered, groomed, well-dressed. 164 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,486 And you will need to sit down with our head of PR beforehand to go over talking points. 165 00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:09,561 Why? 166 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,242 Because you are in an emotional state, 167 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,767 and when you are emotional, you become highly inarticulate. 168 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:18,002 Well, I don't say that's true. 169 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,971 Okay. Yes. Fine. Sure. 170 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:24,041 Um... 171 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:25,766 And thank you, Laurie. 172 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:33,961 Before you ask, the answer is yes, I did blow all these hard drives clean. 173 00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,607 - So... - You really are a moron. 174 00:08:36,920 --> 00:08:39,685 The only way to really blow the hard drives clean 175 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,364 is to take a drill and punch a hole through it. 176 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:45,047 All right, calm down, Snowden. I zeroed them all out, we're fine. 177 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,009 Welcome, welcome. 178 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,243 Uh, we have lost our lease, so everything must go. 179 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,087 The chairs are arranged in ascending order of lumbar support. 180 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,844 So, have a gander. 181 00:08:57,800 --> 00:08:59,529 Oh, uh, word to the wise, 182 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:02,644 the Haworths are like a spa day for the buttocks. 183 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,803 Yeah, and I have a fragile posterior. 184 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,451 My aunt used to call me "glasshole." 185 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:09,407 So, you can take it from me. 186 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,125 Look at these fucking maggots. 187 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:16,010 Crawling all over our garbage, leaving their slime of mediocrity. 188 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,167 Ah, I thought you'd feel right at home in a marketplace, 189 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:21,242 haggling, selling your monkey paws, 190 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,051 looking for Indiana Jones in a wicker basket. 191 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,288 Okay. Marion was in the wicker basket, 192 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,250 Indiana Jones was tipping them over, you fucking idiot. 193 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,081 Hi. 194 00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:32,881 Let me know if you have any questions. 195 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,362 Well, how about that? I made my first sale. 196 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,248 I've organized a lot of estate sales, so this is kind of my wheelhouse. 197 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:42,288 - What? - I have a lot of elderly friends. 198 00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:43,841 Oh, that is a fun item. 199 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,367 That's a hardware fan. 200 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,688 You've got the yellow hoodie on today. 201 00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:52,650 Oh, yeah. 202 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,450 Wait a second. 203 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:56,250 None of these are signed. 204 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,967 Oh, yeah. Urn, it's just my business manager had some questions 205 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,486 about the way some of this stuff was being arranged. 206 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:05,810 Like, he said something about how it's not a corporation. 207 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,282 It's just a general partnership or something. 208 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:11,362 I mean, he told me I didn't understand, which is true, 209 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:12,965 so he wanted to maybe talk to you about it. 210 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,520 So you want to lawyer up? Is that what we're doing? 211 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,610 I don't think he has a law degree. 212 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:21,964 Big Head, I would hope that a handshake deal would be good enough for you. 213 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:24,005 Because we're headed down a long road, 214 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,890 and that road must be paved with trust. Blind trust. 215 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,763 And you bringing in these so-called "experts" 216 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:32,606 really gives me pause, 217 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:34,484 and it insults my honor. 218 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,644 Huh. Uh, sorry, hold on. I got to take this. I'll be right back. 219 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,563 Sorry. Hello? 220 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,404 Hey. Uh, how do I look? 221 00:10:43,960 --> 00:10:46,406 If I'm being honest, like a ventriloquist dummy. 222 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,648 Uh, okay. Well, you know, that's actually kind of fitting, 223 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,326 because I'm on my way to Raviga right now 224 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,370 to meet with a PR person to tell me exactly what to say 225 00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,363 to a reporter and how to say it. 226 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:01,566 Well, that does make sense. 227 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,405 You do tend to babble on when you're under pressure. 228 00:11:06,240 --> 00:11:07,526 Why does this thing people say? 229 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:11,846 Why indeed? 230 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,251 That was weird. 231 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,122 I just got a call from Laurie Bream's office at Raviga, 232 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,522 asking if I'd want to interview for the job of CEO at Pied Piper. 233 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,731 What? Are you fucking kidding me? 234 00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,211 That's exactly what I said. 235 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,204 Then I said no, and then we both hung up. 236 00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:31,001 I mean, I assume they hung up. I had already hung up, so... 237 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,410 Wow. Wow. 238 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:37,201 Okay. Okay. Yeah, great. Big Head. 239 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,930 Big Head? Fucking kidding me? 240 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,406 What the fuck is going on? 241 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:43,290 Big Head, you can insult me all you want 242 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:45,522 by involving your self-described shylocks, 243 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,530 but to insult Richard and humiliate him, 244 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,807 that's like kicking a child who's done nothing to deserve it. 245 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,168 I may not be able to finish my ramen. 246 00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:55,485 I told them no. 247 00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,451 Hi there. Richard Hendricks here to see Dawn Simon, PR. 248 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,807 Sure, she'll be meeting you in the small conference room. 249 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,321 - Um, do you need me... - No, no. I, uh, I know where it is. 250 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,244 It turns out, I actually know something. 251 00:12:07,320 --> 00:12:08,560 I'm not a fucking idiot. 252 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,243 - Richard Hendricks. Hi. - Before we get any further, 253 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,561 I just want you to know that I'm not going to be yelling at you, 254 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:17,880 but I probably am going to yell. 255 00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:20,130 - Okay. - Okay. Uh... 256 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,931 Because this is bullshit. 257 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,401 Honestly, I mean, I get it. This is your job. You're in PR. 258 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:28,245 Your job is to pretty much tell me what I can't say. 259 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,527 I mean, when I talk to this reporter, I probably can't say 260 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:34,366 how fucked up it is that Laurie Bream fired me 261 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,801 and then replaced me with Action Jack Barker. 262 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:39,531 I probably can't say how the only action he took 263 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,490 was to essentially pick the wrong product and then bleed the company dry. 264 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,601 And I probably can't say how fucking pissed off I am 265 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:50,401 that Laurie Bream is out there gallivanting around the Valley, 266 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:56,044 interviewing every dickhole on Earth for my job, including Big Head, 267 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,451 a man that I fired, by the way. 268 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,010 And no offense, I like him. I do actually. 269 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:00,923 He's a close friend of mine, been that way for years. 270 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,401 But he is a bit of a simpleton, and his name's fucking Big Head. 271 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,891 But, okay, look. 272 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,802 I want to be CEO of Pied Piper, okay? 273 00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,930 It is my company. I worked my ass off to build this company, okay? 274 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,650 That's my job. I deserve it. 275 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:18,121 And it fucking kills me that Laurie is out there 276 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,965 trying to give it to someone else, anyone but me. 277 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,441 But I probably can't say that, can I? 278 00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,724 You can say anything you want to say to me. 279 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:27,521 All right. 280 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,685 Thank you for meeting me, Monica. 281 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,003 You are from... 282 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,726 Baltimore. 283 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,368 H.L. Mencken hails from Baltimore. 284 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:44,047 Who? 285 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:45,810 Widely perceived as a racist, 286 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,687 but his work on the English language is comprehensive, 287 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,243 and his perspicacious skewering of evangelicals is laudable. 288 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:59,085 Monica, my mission here is not merely to have fun. 289 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:01,691 That's okay. 290 00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:05,245 When I voted against you at the board meeting, I just want... 291 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,529 Monica, this is not about you, for once. 292 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,288 I brought you here to say 293 00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,286 - I am sorry. - For... 294 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,129 Ah, yes, of course. You are going to make me say it. 295 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,326 Why am I not surprised? 296 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,766 I made a mistake with Richard Hendricks. 297 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,962 And out I went, right on my ass. 298 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:28,841 And then Laurie put that jackhole Barker in to bankrupt the company. 299 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,570 But does she cop to that? No, no, no. 300 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,842 Because the Laurie-tron 6,000 301 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,809 isn't programmed to admit when she's made a mistake. 302 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,130 I made an error. 303 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:40,849 Wow, um, that's really big of you to admit. 304 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,560 I should not have removed him as CEO, 305 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:47,087 and installing Jack Barker in his place only compounded that error. 306 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,801 But if that's true, then why are you meeting with so many other CEO candidates? 307 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:54,647 I am meeting publically with a number of high-value candidates 308 00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,846 I know to be unavailable, 309 00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:59,402 as well as with a number of less-qualified candidates 310 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,687 with whom Richard compares favorably. 311 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,571 That's why you called Big Head. 312 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:09,124 Yes. You see, Richard must not be perceived as being the most expedient candidate. 313 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,886 He must be seen as the correct candidate. 314 00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,770 This is very exciting for Richard. 315 00:15:15,840 --> 00:15:19,811 I have been impressed by his conduct in a tough situation. 316 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:22,765 - He's shown mettle. - Mmm-hmm. Definitely. 317 00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:25,764 Therefore, I will call for a vote at the next board meeting 318 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:26,841 to offer him the job. 319 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:31,210 That is, of course, assuming he continues to demonstrate an air of professionalism. 320 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:36,090 Hi, Dawn. Are you waiting for someone? 321 00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:38,288 Yes. I'm supposed to be meeting with Richard Hendricks 322 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,249 before he sits down with a Code/Rag reporter. 323 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:43,769 Oh, that's weird. I saw him earlier. 324 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,081 And that is why... 325 00:15:46,560 --> 00:15:48,085 I'm just being honest here. 326 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,889 I think that Peter Gregory is better off where he is. 327 00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:57,123 Just saying, because if he knew what Laurie was doing to his company, 328 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,362 he probably would want to take a gun and blow his brains out. 329 00:16:01,120 --> 00:16:02,485 Uh, okay. 330 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:05,370 We should probably start talking about the things that I can say. 331 00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,802 Um... 332 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,042 Richard. Richard Hendricks? 333 00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,569 Yes. Who are you? 334 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,642 Dawn Simon, Raviga's publicity director. 335 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:22,807 So that would make you... 336 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,723 C.J. Cantwell, Code/Rag. 337 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,487 Thank you, I think I have everything I need. 338 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,250 Please tell me that went well. 339 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,724 Yep. No, yeah. 340 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:43,806 It, uh... It was gone great. 341 00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,964 Yep. It had gone. 342 00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:50,044 It was great. 343 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:51,800 Uh, she's a great guy. 344 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,690 Really. Girl. She's cool. She's a cool one. 345 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,444 Cool. I can just... I can get out here? 346 00:16:58,600 --> 00:16:59,726 - Just 'cause I got another thing. - Yeah. 347 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,565 Slow down. Listen to me. Look, in my defense, 348 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,688 I said those were all the things I can't say, okay? 349 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:06,285 So it's kind of like I didn't even say them. 350 00:17:06,360 --> 00:17:09,045 But you did say them, at a meeting you scheduled with a reporter. 351 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:11,248 Reporter? Come on, you're a tech blogger. 352 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,971 Oh, really. Hard to see why Laurie insisted on a PR rep for you. 353 00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:19,921 Look, uh, just... Tell me what I can do to kill this? 354 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,324 - You want me to spike the story? - Yes, please. 355 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:26,121 Give me something better. I don't know, go on a drunken racist Twitter rant, 356 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,521 or get in your car, run over Elon Musk, 357 00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,967 and give me an exclusive from jail. Yeah. 358 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,883 Otherwise, I'm posting this at noon tomorrow, so... 359 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,327 No, no, no, no. Look. Look. 360 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,289 If you want to leave, you're going to have to run me over! 361 00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:48,810 These offices were nice. 362 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,001 Now everything looks so bare. 363 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,005 Yeah. There is a certain sad vulnerability to it. 364 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,367 Have you ever seen a naked dead person? 365 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,807 No. No. No. 366 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:03,641 Hmm. 367 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:06,401 Well, the good news is, we cleared 368 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,922 almost $70,000 from selling all this stuff. 369 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,680 That's not enough to afford all the coders we need. 370 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:14,481 We need at least a dozen. 371 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,650 Where would we even put them now? 372 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,847 Shall we? 373 00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:26,285 Wait. Where's my hard drive? 374 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:27,966 What did it look like? 375 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,884 It just looked like a normal standard hard drive. 376 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:34,123 - You sure it was in your bag? - Yeah, it was in my bag. 377 00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:40,367 Could it maybe have slid out and was next to your bag, 378 00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:42,602 which was next to all the hard drives we got rid of? 379 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,689 Did you sell my personal hard drive? 380 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:50,241 You didn't happen to wipe that one clean, too, did you? 381 00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:53,848 - My personal hard drive? - Yeah. 382 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,526 No! Fuck! 383 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,241 So it had our confidential IP on it? 384 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,963 Yes. All the work we did on the platform, the box, everything. 385 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,846 Okay, well, what's gone is not necessarily lost. 386 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,128 Okay, we just need to find it. 387 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,248 I found my retainer in the school dumpster. 388 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:15,369 I found my biological father in a militia up in the Ozarks. 389 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,521 This should be no problem. 390 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:18,445 Don't worry, Dinesh, we'll find it. 391 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:28,730 Uh... 392 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,962 Does he not know we're moving out? 393 00:19:31,360 --> 00:19:32,407 Should We tell him? 394 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,122 No. Jack paid him in full up front, 395 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,448 and he seems so at peace. 396 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:43,411 - All right. - All right. 397 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,364 I am such an idiot. 398 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,885 You've got no choice, Richard. 399 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,850 You need to go in to Laurie and just tell her what happened. 400 00:19:57,080 --> 00:20:01,130 What? It's bad enough she's going to find out what I said after this piece posts online. 401 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,965 You want me to go in and tell her right to her face? 402 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:05,041 No fucking way. 403 00:20:05,120 --> 00:20:07,566 You could spin it. Tell her you're sorry. 404 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:11,281 I had it. I had my old CEO job back, and I fucked it up. 405 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,131 I'll get it. 406 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:19,360 Ah. The Super Angel Premium Deluxe. 407 00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:21,600 In the flesh. 408 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:26,170 Yeah, I had to drive to San Mateo to get one that has auto-reverse. 409 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,446 Why didn't you send your assistant? 410 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:29,764 She was on the phone, so... 411 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:34,721 Well, Big Head, it takes a brave man to admit his mistakes, 412 00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:39,362 and with this token of apology, you've officially righted your wrong. 413 00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:41,883 Consider the matter resolved. 414 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,041 Cool. 415 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,446 Traditionally, the offender shakes the offendee's hand, 416 00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,090 so you would come to me. 417 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:52,685 That's an honest Thomas. 418 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:58,408 Gentlemen, Monica, from the ashes of whatever happens here 419 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,685 will rise the phoenix that shall be known as Bachmanity. 420 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,444 That's what you're gonna call your company? 421 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,280 Yeah, well, before it was gonna be Bachman Capital. 422 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,849 Because I provide the Bachman, and he provides the capital. 423 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,280 Yeah, but then, we compromised, and made it Bachmanity, 424 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:20,365 'cause it's Bachman from him and then the "etti" from me. 425 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:22,080 So it's two syllables each. 426 00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:26,081 Very much into keeping score, this one. Have a seat. 427 00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:28,322 I'll go fetch the documents and my Montblanc. 428 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:29,921 Psst! 429 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,770 So, slight hiccup. I tracked down the woman who bought the drive, 430 00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,127 but she wasn't interested in selling it back. 431 00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,491 Apparently, she's already given it to her elderly father 432 00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:46,245 and booked the Geek Squad to set it up for him this afternoon. 433 00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,244 What about my drive? All our stuff is on there. 434 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,091 I think we're fine. 435 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:54,881 She said he mostly uses the computer to download photos of old ships. 436 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,004 I don't think he'll be able to find our files even if he wanted to. 437 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:01,483 Well, I mean, hopefully. But still... 438 00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,007 Dinesh is right, this is sloppy. 439 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:05,801 Where does this guy live? 440 00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:08,608 Shit, Richard, I'm sorry, man. 441 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,404 Initial here and here. 442 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:14,287 No. It's okay. I deserve it. It's my own fault. 443 00:22:14,400 --> 00:22:16,129 And you're gonna wanna sign here. 444 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,646 Still, man, that just really sucks. 445 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,530 You know, I bet you wish you could just scrub the whole Internet, 446 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:23,250 like Gavin Belson does, right? 447 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:25,281 Whoa, weird. 448 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:28,527 Every single one of my signatures looks totally different. 449 00:22:28,600 --> 00:22:30,568 - Wait. What? - Yeah, look. 450 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,530 This one's in cursive, this one's just printed, and then I... 451 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,887 One I just wrote "Big Head," but that's not going to hold up. 452 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,686 No, no, no. Did you just say Gavin Belson scrubbed the Internet? 453 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,207 Oh, yeah. 454 00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:45,522 Yeah, and then they told me to my face, 455 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,489 that after Nucleus was shut down, 456 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,608 Gavin had one of his execs order them to scrub 457 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:52,803 all negative mentions of Nucleus off of Hooli Search. 458 00:22:53,920 --> 00:22:56,526 Wow. Okay, when exactly did this happen? 459 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,962 No, no. Actually... 460 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,567 You told me that you would spike my story if I give you something better. 461 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:03,641 This is better, right? 462 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:05,922 Yeah. Light-years better, actually. 463 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,570 Your story's spiked. Great, okay. 464 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,849 As long as we're trading apples for comparable apples, 465 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,526 I've got a fresh and juicy that's ripe for the picking. 466 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:19,086 Ms. Cantwell, what say you to an exclusive on the launch of a future financial behemoth? 467 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,169 How about we just stick with Gavin? 468 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,728 Gavin for Richard? Deal? 469 00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:24,961 Done. 470 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:28,680 Monica, do you really need to be here? 471 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,086 - Geek Squad. - The computer's right here. 472 00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:42,840 You're not wearing the shirt. 473 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:45,565 I spilled coffee on it. 474 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,366 I'm a nerd. 475 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,243 All right. We're all set here. 476 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,087 Yes. 477 00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:20,241 Can I have my hard drive? 478 00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:26,130 Oh, no. You fucking dick. 479 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:29,681 Shit. 480 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:35,965 You're gonna be replacing it. 481 00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:44,929 You're back. How did the board meeting go? 482 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:46,601 Well, um... 483 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:53,040 You're looking at the past, present, and possibly future CEO of Pied Piper. 484 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,564 Oh, that is... 485 00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,130 Oh, congratulations! 486 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:00,730 - Jared... - My captain. 487 00:25:00,800 --> 00:25:04,202 "O Captain! my Captain! Rise up and hear the bells 488 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:08,246 "Rise up-for you the flag is flung for you the bugle trills." 489 00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:09,641 All right. Dismissed. 490 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:15,569 Well, uh, just to remind you, Pied Piper is still a sinking ship, so... 491 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,210 Enough with the maritime metaphors. 492 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:20,523 This is honestly, like, the best birthday gift that I ever could've asked for. 493 00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,484 -It's your birthday? - Uh, I don't know. 494 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,127 The CPS worker couldn't find my birth certificate, 495 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:27,970 but maybe now it is. 496 00:25:28,320 --> 00:25:33,042 And in other good news, we've managed to fill out our engineering team. 497 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,369 Did you tell them that my Fage's off-limits? 498 00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,443 Oh, that won't be a worry. 499 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:38,521 Come meet them. 500 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,450 All right, guys, who wants to start work on the fragment uploader? 501 00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,801 Uh, Gleb, why don't you and Sanjay take it? 502 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,484 Richard, say hi. 503 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:50,361 Yes. Hello, lam, um, Richard Hendricks, the CEO of Pied Piper. 504 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:52,006 - Welcome aboard. - Hi. 505 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:53,206 What the fuck is going on here? 506 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:55,322 We got a little creative. 507 00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,366 Um, I read that the woman who started Pegg'd 508 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:02,411 built her entire app using a team of coders from India she never met in person. 509 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,642 And it only cost $15,000. 510 00:26:04,760 --> 00:26:08,560 Yeah, so we figured why limit ourselves to a few expensive people in the Valley, 511 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,087 when we could afford a full complement if we outsourced? 512 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:15,369 Um, Richard, I know we said that we sold everything in the offices 513 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,490 to pay for these guys, but that was not exactly true. 514 00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:22,003 Um, we kept one thing. 515 00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:23,841 Okay. 516 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:28,891 Oh, wow. It's the CEO chair. 517 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,285 Ah. 518 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:35,566 Have a seat. 519 00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,681 Okay. 520 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:42,601 Okay, uh... 521 00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:44,970 Well, why don't we 522 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:48,682 go around the room, or screens, or whatever, and introduce ourselves? 523 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,283 Hello, my name is Gleb. I am in Bulgaria. 524 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,964 Hello, I am Sanjay. I am here in Mumbai, India. 525 00:26:58,040 --> 00:26:59,405 - You having trouble? - No. 526 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:02,563 Hello. I am Elisabet. I am speaking to you from Estonia. 527 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:05,290 Uh, thank you for the... 528 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,964 Whoa! 529 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,451 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. 530 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,761 -It's fine. I got it. I got it. - Dude. 531 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,127 - I got it. I got it. - You're making a great first impression. 532 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:16,323 Sorry. Can we go to the... Do the names one more time?