1 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:10,280 The greatness of human accomplishment 2 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:12,368 has always been measured by size. 3 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:14,283 The bigger, the better. 4 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:15,771 Until now. 5 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:17,524 Nanotech. 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,204 Smart cars. 7 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:20,884 Small is the new big. 8 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,889 In the coming months, Hooli will deliver Nucleus, 9 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:31,363 the most sophisticated compression software platform the world has ever seen. 10 00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,729 Because if we can make your audio and video files smaller, 11 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:41,364 we can make cancer smaller. And hunger. And AIDS. 12 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,521 What an asshole. 13 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:46,204 Why would he announce it so far ahead of the actual rollout? 14 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,520 No one does that. 15 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,728 He's got to be doing it just to fuck with us, right? 16 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,041 I actually think we're okay. The player I gave them 17 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:54,361 was from a retired repository that was audio only. 18 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,249 Video compression is a completely different paradigm. 19 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,369 What they have is like Pied Piper, but not as good. 20 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:02,171 - People will see that. - Not if they get to market before us. 21 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,368 Inferior products win out all the time. 22 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,687 Like Jesus over Satan. 23 00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,648 I was going to say VHS over Beta. 24 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,247 Okay, well, actually this is a superior product, right here. 25 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:14,970 Is it a margarita machine? 26 00:01:15,040 --> 00:01:16,326 It's better. 27 00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:20,489 My first official purchase as CEO of Pied Piper. 28 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,922 That's not really our logo is it? 29 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,241 It looks like a guy sucking a dick 30 00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,846 and he's got another dick tucked behind his ear for later. 31 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,924 - Like a snack dick. It does. - No, it's a Pied Piper... 32 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,844 Here, put them on. Gilfoyle, come on. 33 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:35,046 I don't want it. 34 00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:38,727 Jared, I bought these t-shirts with my credit card 35 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,689 but I think I'm close to being maxed out, so... 36 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,411 Yeah, we may have a little problem there. 37 00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:45,804 Peter Gregory's check. So? 38 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:48,167 So, it's made out to "Pied Piper incorporated," 39 00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:49,924 I checked with the secretary of state website, 40 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,288 and there's already a Pied Piper operating in California. 41 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:55,449 So we need to change our name. 42 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:58,444 - Thank God! - Praise the dark lord, that's great news. 43 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,046 No, it's not great news. We love the name Pied Piper. 44 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,605 It's a classic fairy tale. 45 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:03,846 Well, I looked it up. 46 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,890 It's about a predatory flutist who murders children in a cave. 47 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,964 It has all of that going for it, Richard, and I still hate it. 48 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,249 Richard, if we are going to change the name, we need to do it now. 49 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:17,888 Names stick. My name's only Jared because Gavin called me that on my first day. 50 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,411 My real name is Donald. 51 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,051 But, Jared, we already bought the T-shirts. 52 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:24,442 I can't take these back. It was an online order. 53 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:25,931 What is that atrocity? 54 00:02:26,040 --> 00:02:28,088 What are we, an Irish pornography company? 55 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,641 I thought we were gonna replace the name "Pied Piper." 56 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,210 I thought it was a place holder. 57 00:02:32,280 --> 00:02:35,489 "Placeholder" would honestly be a better name than Pied Piper. 58 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,323 Richard, I've actually been holding off telling people I'm the co-founder 59 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:42,688 of "Pied Piper" because frankly, it's a little embarrassing. 60 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:48,611 Well, just to remind you, you are not the co-founder. 61 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:50,364 So please don't tell anyone. 62 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:55,168 Richard, take Aviato. That's not a name I found, it's a name that found me 63 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,765 on a vision quest. 64 00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:58,126 Something that you should do. 65 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,289 No, no. I'm not gonna eat a bunch of drugs and sit out in the desert, 66 00:03:01,360 --> 00:03:03,522 and hope some name randomly pops in my head. 67 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,284 Well, then I question your leadership. 68 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,045 Richard, a name defines a company. 69 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:13,286 It has to be something primal, something that you can scream out during intercourse. 70 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,286 Like Aviato. 71 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,044 Uber! 72 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,046 Google! 73 00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:23,884 Hulu! 74 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:27,009 Exactly, right. Pied Piper! 75 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:37,091 I'm so sorry. Your voice doesn't really reach that register when you ejaculate, does it? 76 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,084 No, it's just, everyone was doing it, I was just chiming in. 77 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:58,007 You guys, we can't change our name. 78 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:00,447 I can't go into Peter Gregory's office with a new name, 79 00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:01,881 and ask him to cut me a new check. 80 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,321 I mean, he's pulled funding from companies for a lot less. 81 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,721 The Pied Piper name and trademark 82 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,451 are registered to a sprinkler company in Gilroy. 83 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,642 I guess you could head out there and talk to them. 84 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,049 - But they may refuse... - Okay. No, no, no. I'll negotiate with them. 85 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:17,361 No offense, Richard, but you're not a strong negotiator. 86 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,091 - I'm a great negotiator, Dinesh. - You're a terrible negotiator. 87 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,083 I'm a decent negotiator. 88 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:24,770 Just, so... 89 00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:29,127 Oh, Peter, you're here... 90 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:32,363 We were supposed to meet 40 minutes ago with the guys from Astraphile 91 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,124 about the emergency capital injection. 92 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:38,568 As we discussed, our North Carolina plant went sideways. 93 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:43,521 So we need 15 million now or we'll have to shut down. 94 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,645 Have any of you ever eaten at Burger King? 95 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,365 Yes... 96 00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:55,041 Why? 97 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,403 Well, I was just driven past one. 98 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,766 And while I know their market cap is $7 billion plus, 99 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,401 I realize I am unfamiliar with their offerings. 100 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:07,891 Okay, fine. 101 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,531 But what does that have to do... 102 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,161 Is it popular among your peers? 103 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:14,722 Is it enjoyed? 104 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,643 - People seem to like it. - Yeah, it's okay. 105 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:21,327 And their selection consists solely of these burgers, 106 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,722 of which they are presumably king? 107 00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,164 They have other things. Chicken, fish. 108 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,083 I'm sorry. What are we doing here? 109 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,005 Here is what we will do. 110 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:38,325 Monica, have one of the assistants go to the nearest Burger King location 111 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,802 and purchase one of everything. 112 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:48,602 Hey, Dinesh. Dinesh. 113 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:52,446 I'm on the phone with the bank and they say they need an extra form for your payroll, 114 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,931 because of your visa? 115 00:05:54,040 --> 00:05:55,371 Visa? What visa? 116 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:56,601 I'm a fucking US citizen. 117 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,610 I have Dinesh Chugtai here, and he's pretty irate because... 118 00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:02,970 Oh, I see... 119 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,928 Bertram Gilfoyle is the foreign national. 120 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,565 Citizen of Canada. 121 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:09,920 Okay, thank you. 122 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:12,131 You're Canadian? 123 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:14,290 Your borders are merely a construct. 124 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,125 I prefer to think of myself as a citizen of the world. 125 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,443 Do you mind just sending them the form so they know you're here legally? 126 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:21,726 Yes, I mind. 127 00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,691 And also I may not be. 128 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,681 To wit, maybe you could make out my checks to cash? 129 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:28,560 Or bitcoin. 130 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,563 I didn't know I was working with an illegal. 131 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,286 The irony. 132 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:36,047 Well, sometimes we do center pivot, 133 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,771 but mainly we do lineal like you see out there. 134 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:41,806 What is it your business does again? 135 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,566 Something to do with algebra? 136 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,171 Algorithm, actually. 137 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,651 It's for compression. 138 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,891 Ultimately what we're trying to do is... 139 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:55,163 You remind me of my son. 140 00:06:55,640 --> 00:06:57,688 He's got Asperger's, too. 141 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,000 Oh, no, I don't... 142 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,126 Probably all those pesticides they put on the crops. 143 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:05,049 Well, whatever it is your business does, 144 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,488 I don't think it's going to interfere with my irrigation company here. 145 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:12,007 I'm thinking about getting in another line of work anyway. 146 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,521 All these foreigners coming over here, 147 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:19,083 putting pieces of shit like that all over the good farmland around here. 148 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:23,006 All so people can sit around, stare at their phones all day. 149 00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:28,042 Nobody jerks off to magazines anymore. 150 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:36,170 Well, actually, that is a server farm. 151 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,845 What we do, compression, 152 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:41,163 would mean fewer of those, because we'd save a lot of memory space. 153 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,131 - Really? - Yeah. 154 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,441 Well, I'm all for that, believe me. 155 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,571 I'll tell you what. 156 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:52,571 You can have the name for $1,000. 157 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,211 How's that sound? 158 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,284 That sounds great! Yeah, cool. 159 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,564 Oh, tremors, too? 160 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,051 Just like my boy. 161 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,321 Yeah. 162 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,526 Go for Erlich. 163 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,450 This is Richard Hendricks, CEO of Pied Piper. 164 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,769 That's right. You guys said I was a bad negotiator, but I closed it! 165 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,888 We got a name. Tell everyone you know. 166 00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:26,924 Oh, all right. 167 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,045 You don't sound that impressed. 168 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:30,361 No, no, lam. 169 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,646 I just... 170 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,924 Now we're Pied Piper. So, later. 171 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:41,046 Here you go. 172 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,770 You must drink a lot of margaritas? 173 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,081 We will now. I have a startup that just got funded 174 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,686 so this is just kind of a gift for my guys to celebrate. 175 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:50,366 Good luck with that. 176 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,125 You'll need it, too, when this town kicks you in the balls. 177 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,765 - Okay. Sure. - Let me get the door for you. 178 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:56,683 I had three startups, myself, 179 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,367 and I couldn't get those Sand Hill Road morons to fund any of them. 180 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,410 Cowards. My last company was genius. 181 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:05,761 Have you ever been lost in a parking lot before? 182 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,208 See, what my app would do is use existing AVL technology, right? 183 00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:13,604 So you would just type in the VIN number. And if your car didn't have AVL capabilities 184 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:16,684 you would just type in whatever section of the parking lot you were in, 185 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,411 like P3, or ground seven. 186 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,324 So you just, you just write down what section of the parking lot you're in? 187 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,686 Why do you need an app for that? 188 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:25,410 So you can remember where you parked. 189 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:28,563 Right, but why don't you just write it down on a piece of paper? 190 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,722 Well, yeah. But this is for your phone. 191 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:33,650 Okay, so it's just sorta like Notepad? 192 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,770 - Exactly! See? You get it. - Yeah. I get it. 193 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:39,002 - Why can't all those fucking VCs? - I don't know. 194 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:40,161 Pussies, man. 195 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:41,480 Oh, there we go, thanks. 196 00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:55,769 This is which one? 197 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,365 The BK Double Stacker. 198 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,005 Fascinating... 199 00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:05,010 Peter, I know that you are incredibly busy with... This. 200 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,729 But I made a personal promise to the Astraphile guys 201 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:12,566 that none of their employees would lose their job, which will happen at midnight to... 202 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,642 Do you see this? 203 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,281 The Junior Whopper? 204 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:19,204 No, not the sandwich. 205 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:24,802 This seed atop the breading. 206 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,211 Those are sesame seeds. 207 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:30,405 A high number of these breadings have sesame seeds on them. 208 00:10:32,080 --> 00:10:34,003 Billions of breadings. 209 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:40,570 Sesame seeds. 210 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,371 They only grow in certain microclimates. 211 00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,647 Peter, I know you don't want to cause 212 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:51,644 173 people in North Carolina... 213 00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,244 Cicadas. 214 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,610 - Gentlemen! - Hey! 215 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:06,842 It's our own personal Herb Cohen! 216 00:11:06,920 --> 00:11:08,843 - Who? - Herb Cohen. 217 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,605 He's a famous negotiator. Wrote a bunch of textbooks. 218 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:13,445 - No? - What? 219 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:15,842 - Have you seen the blogs? - No. 220 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:17,809 Erlich went HAM on all the tech sites. 221 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,690 He had TechCrunch, Recode, and PandoDaily. 222 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,285 Listen to what Kara Swisher says, 223 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:25,682 "'individually, ' says Erlich Bachman, 'We are formidable. 224 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,127 "But when you combine our portfolios, 225 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:32,205 "Peter Gregory and I account for billions of dollars in assets. 226 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,204 "We at Pied Piper look forward to giving Gavin Belson 227 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,931 "and the donkeys at Nucleus a run for their money."' 228 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,331 What a dick. 229 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,166 It's the guy with the name. 230 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:45,010 Hello, Arnold. 231 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,411 Cut the shit. 232 00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:48,562 I just read Recode.net. 233 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:49,880 You read Recode? 234 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,724 I do when my customers tell me 235 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,802 the name of my company's all over the Internet. 236 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:57,726 But you'd probably think I'm just out here shitting in a hole and wiping with my hand. 237 00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,484 No, no, no, I don't think you do that. 238 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,369 Do people think you do that? Do you do that? 239 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:02,566 No, no, no! 240 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:05,564 I'm not falling for that phony, mumbley-mouth, 241 00:12:05,640 --> 00:12:07,449 googly-eyed routine again. 242 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:09,249 If you're this tech billionaire, 243 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,210 why did I give you the name Pied Piper for next to nothing? 244 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,085 You played me. 245 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,562 You want the name, it's going to cost you $250,000. 246 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,769 Okay, I think you just need to talk to the guy who said all that. 247 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:22,001 And he can clear it up for you. 248 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,811 - Where's Erlich? - He's outside with the intern. 249 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,247 - What intern? - You got interns? 250 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:29,721 We might as well have interns, we hire illegal aliens. 251 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,770 - What? - No, no. We don't have either of those things. 252 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,285 I'll tell you what, asshole, 253 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,489 you use the name Pied Piper again, I'm going to call my lawyer 254 00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:39,449 and we're gonna sue the shit out of you. 255 00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:44,044 - Fucking billionaires. - Arnold? Arnold, hello? 256 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,010 - That sounded sub-optimal. - Yeah, it was. 257 00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:52,488 Hey, Jared, you know who else is Canadian? Justin Bieber, the Hitler of music. 258 00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,320 Do you have a problem with me being Canadian? 259 00:12:54,680 --> 00:12:55,966 I do, actually. 260 00:12:56,040 --> 00:12:58,520 Do you have any idea how long it took me to become a citizen? 261 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:00,524 Did it take you a long time? 262 00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:01,966 I'm glad I didn't do it then. 263 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:04,125 Typical lazy immigrant. 264 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:06,481 These people think they can just walk into this country... 265 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,363 I did just walk into this country. 266 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,207 My car broke down on the Ambassador Bridge. 267 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,568 It took me an extra 15 minutes to get across the border. Major hassle. 268 00:13:16,560 --> 00:13:20,042 You know, Hitler actually played the bassoon. 269 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,768 So, technically, Hitler was the Hitler of music. 270 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,644 I don't understand. I thought you closed the name. 271 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,326 Well, I guess it's still a little ajar, I don't know. 272 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:32,731 Who am I, Herb Cohen? 273 00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:34,922 - I don't know who that is. - Neither do I. 274 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,327 That's a... That's a Jared thing. 275 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:41,206 Hey! Make sure to clean off all the gunk off the front bumper, okay. 276 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,567 And since when do we have an intern program? 277 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,847 We don't. And when Keith finds that out, 278 00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:48,321 it's gonna be a valuable business lesson for him. 279 00:13:48,560 --> 00:13:50,722 What? Those are the Pied Piper shirts! 280 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,246 - Are you Richard? - Yeah. Yes. 281 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:57,809 Okay, look, I fucked up. What do we do now? 282 00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,531 Who's "we"? 283 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,090 This morning you rudely reminded me 284 00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:02,650 that I wasn't a founder of this company and now 285 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:04,324 you want me to hold your hand and help you out? 286 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:05,765 I don't think so, sister. 287 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,209 This credit card is no good. 288 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:09,925 Declined. 289 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,364 Great. Great. 290 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,204 That stupid margarita machine maxed me out. 291 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:16,965 So now the CEO of Pied Piper can't even afford to buy lunch. 292 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,611 Yeah, I don't think we can use that name anymore. 293 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,767 Dude! Dude, hey. I owe you a big apology, man. 294 00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,401 I had no idea who you were before and I read all this coverage 295 00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,529 about your company online, and I was like, "Hey, Pied Piper!" 296 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,965 "I met this dude! He came into the store" 297 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,850 "and told me my parking app was fucking awesome!" 298 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:42,410 I did? 299 00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,482 Yeah, so my mom was like, "Wow, really?" 300 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:46,050 "You should really pursue it!" 301 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,804 And I was like, "Yeah, I should." 302 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,325 The parking app? 303 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:52,563 So she decides to get a reverse mortgage on her home 304 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:53,971 and write me a check. 305 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,810 - Ooh... - So I'm funded! 306 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:57,651 Because of you, man. 307 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,290 I was this close to giving up, and now you gave me my dream back, man! 308 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,488 - But“ - Oh, hey, Ron! 309 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:07,162 You see this guy? This billionaire here? 310 00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:10,562 He's the reason why I'm quitting! 311 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:14,765 - Jamie, no... - Well, you've helped me so much, 312 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:16,922 what can I do for you? 313 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:23,049 Well, I need to return this machine because I'm broke, and I need money for food. 314 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,407 Just a quick question. 315 00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:37,725 Is this gonna be a cash return, or does it credit back to the card? 316 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:45,649 All right, what about "Smaller," spelled "S-M-L-L-R"? 317 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:47,722 You know, because we make things smaller, 318 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,367 and this would be like a smaller version of the word "smaller." 319 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,522 - It looks like "smeller." - Okay. 320 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:56,245 What if we spell it... 321 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,411 "S-M-L-R?" 322 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:04,442 Because that's an even smaller version of the word "smaller." 323 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:05,851 Then it looks like Smiler. 324 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,402 We're not gonna kick the shit out of Nucleus with Smiler. 325 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:11,523 Where's Richard? Why isn't he in here for this? 326 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:14,331 I think he was out back, wishing he'd taken the $10 million. 327 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:18,564 No, I just saw him in his room, wishing he had taken the $10 million. 328 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:25,041 You know Smiler is also something that guys call women's assholes. 329 00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:30,007 Richard, why aren't you in there, coming up with new names? 330 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:33,289 I don't want a new name. I want Pied Piper. 331 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,847 But, apparently, I can't have that. 332 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:37,922 So now I have to come up with a new name 333 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,446 and take that to Peter Gregory and ask for a new check. 334 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:43,962 He's gonna pull our funding, Gavin Belson's going to crush us, 335 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:47,169 and we will be ruined because I have no idea what I'm doing. 336 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,006 Neither did Zuckerberg when he was running Facebook at 19. 337 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:55,244 You think he had any real-world business experience? No. None. 338 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,365 But he was such a tough negotiator that now all of his friends are suing him. 339 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,171 How awesome is that? And Steve Jobs? 340 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,242 He took a shit-ton of hallucinogens. 341 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,445 What a coincidence. Maybe something that you could actually do. 342 00:17:08,120 --> 00:17:10,122 I'm not going on some fucking vision quest. 343 00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:13,160 Okay, let me get this straight, you would rather do nothing than something? 344 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,722 Because all the guys in the other room 345 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:19,009 coming up with shitty names like, Smallulator, are at least doing something. 346 00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:23,406 Fine. I'll just do it myself. 347 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,321 I'll be back in 24 to 72 hours. 348 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,364 Have a cold pitcher of water and some orange slices ready for me. 349 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,889 You know what, I'm really gonna go for this motherfucker 350 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,122 so you better have some grapefruit ready, too. 351 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:39,488 I'm gonna come back with a name so amazing that Peter Gregory will write us 10 checks. 352 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:42,570 What about, Dwarfism 2.0? 353 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,325 Where's Dwarfism 1.0? 354 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,447 Just in the world. 355 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:47,601 Oh. 356 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:48,806 That's prejudice. 357 00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,763 - That's hurtful. - I'm sorry. 358 00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:53,451 Small, come back now, you hear? 359 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:54,851 Interesting. 360 00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:58,848 Hey! That is not Cherry Garcia. 361 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,164 Sorry, Gilfoyle. Company business. 362 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:07,162 And who's hiding drugs? Shocker, it's the illegal immigrant. 363 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,207 What about Mine-imize, like minimize but mine. 364 00:18:18,280 --> 00:18:19,691 Yeah. 365 00:18:25,360 --> 00:18:27,010 Hello, Mr. Garris. 366 00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:31,529 Yes, this is Richard from the company that is rightly called Pied Piper. 367 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,560 That's right. 368 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:38,567 No, no, no. You listen to me. Okay. We had a handshake deal. 369 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:43,089 And that may not mean a lot to you, but where I'm from, that means a whole lot. 370 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:45,640 Okay, you agreed to sell me that name for $1,000. 371 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:50,362 So let me ask you this? Are you an honest man or are you a goddamn liar? 372 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,567 Okay. Yes, same address? 373 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,810 Good, yeah, great. See you then. 374 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,805 Dude, that was fucking badass. What did he say? 375 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,121 He said he was gonna get in his truck, 376 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:07,362 drive down here and beat the living shit out of me. 377 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:08,965 Why did you say that was your address? 378 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:10,690 - Say any other address. - I don't know. 379 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:12,888 He's got a very powerful voice. 380 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:14,530 What are we gonna do? 381 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:16,644 If you keep screaming your name, 382 00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,087 it forces the assailant to acknowledge you as a human. 383 00:19:47,120 --> 00:19:51,091 It is now 5:35 PM and I have ingested the psilocybin. 384 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,524 I have started the countdown timer 385 00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:57,241 and I will be reaching Sonora and Nirvana in approximately... 386 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:02,564 Oh, fuck. 387 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:13,210 Oh, shit. 388 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,322 He's here, that's him. 389 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,765 He came. 390 00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,640 - Should I call 911? - No, that's a pussy move. 391 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,722 Yeah, it's a pussy move. 392 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:26,290 Just shush. 393 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:28,362 Stay here until he goes away, please. 394 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:32,528 I'm looking for Pied Piper. 395 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:33,761 You know where it is? 396 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,524 This is Pied Piper. 397 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:38,570 No, no, no. It's a company. 398 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,369 Like a big, big office. 399 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:42,568 Do you know where that is? 400 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:46,645 Yeah, it's... Here. Pied Piper. 401 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,041 No... 402 00:20:50,280 --> 00:20:51,611 Hi, Arnold. 403 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,006 I'm Richard. I'm Richard. I'm Richard. 404 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:58,765 - Donald. I'm Donald. - Richard. Richard... 405 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,081 - Jared. I'm Jared. - Richard, Richard, Richard. 406 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,367 - Gilfoyle. Gilfoyle. - My name is Richard. 407 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,124 - Jared, Jared. - Richard, Richard. 408 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:07,760 - Gilfoyle, Gilfoyle. - Jing Yang. Jing Yang. Jing Yang. 409 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:13,886 SysBit Digital Solutions. 410 00:21:15,120 --> 00:21:18,249 Integrating Open Data Spaces. 411 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,281 Yeah. 412 00:21:20,840 --> 00:21:24,640 TechBitData Solution Systems. 413 00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:29,607 Creating unique cross platform technologies. 414 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,803 Technologies. 415 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:36,489 Technolo-Jesus. 416 00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,050 Oh, fuck! 417 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,130 So this is Pied Piper? 418 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,441 This is a billion dollar company? 419 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,443 Not even close. Not yet. 420 00:21:46,040 --> 00:21:48,168 You pack a lot of guys in here. 421 00:21:48,240 --> 00:21:52,086 It reminds me when I started Pied Piper in my garage. 422 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,323 I kind of miss those days. 423 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:56,731 Oh, yeah? 424 00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,004 I'll tell you what. 425 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:01,924 $5,000 and the name is yours. 426 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,643 Well, the thing is we agreed on $1,000. 427 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,481 Fine, $4,000. 428 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:11,530 Look, that's not the deal. 429 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:14,400 - We shook on it. - $2,000. Final offer. 430 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:17,082 We could do two. That's reasonable. 431 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:19,970 No, we can't do two, Jared. It's not reasonable at all. 432 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:23,169 Look, we shook hands on $1,000. That's the deal. 433 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,567 Okay. $1,000. 434 00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:29,442 But you gotta throw in some gas money. 435 00:22:29,520 --> 00:22:32,888 - I drove all the way out here. - To come to kick my ass! 436 00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,371 Okay, you know what? 437 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:37,728 $500! That's the deal. $500. 438 00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,684 - Fuck this. - No, no, no, no. 439 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,889 We don't have to... We can keep it at the original $1,000. 440 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,246 So, let's... 441 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,924 - Okay, you got a deal. - All right. Cool. 442 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,126 We got a name! 443 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:53,725 InfoTrode... 444 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,046 Cloud-based, disruptive platforms. 445 00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:59,441 Disrupting the cloud through... 446 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:00,885 I said cloud twice, shit. 447 00:23:00,960 --> 00:23:03,088 Making the world a better place 448 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:08,400 through cross-platform business facing cloud... 449 00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:10,608 There's that... Shit! There's that cloud again! 450 00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:13,729 Info-trode, info-trode? What the fuck is info-trode? 451 00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,929 What is that? It's all just fucking meaningless words! 452 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:18,565 Okay. No, no, no... 453 00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:23,640 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place. 454 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:31,129 Good-bye. 455 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:35,162 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place. 456 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,281 Making the world a better place. Making the world a better place. 457 00:23:39,360 --> 00:23:41,169 - Making the world a better place. - Sir? 458 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:43,490 Are you okay in there? 459 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,767 - Making the world a better place. - He's been in there all night. 460 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,649 I should call the sheriff. 461 00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:49,729 Making the world a better place. 462 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,647 No, I... Hey, I told you he's going to handle it! 463 00:23:52,720 --> 00:23:54,848 - Mr. Gregory, this is ridiculous. - Sir... 464 00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:58,163 Mr. Gregory, we need an answer and we need it now! 465 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,130 - Yes? - We need money. Now. 466 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:05,328 And I'm sure that Burger King and sesame seeds 467 00:24:05,400 --> 00:24:07,528 and whatever else you've been mumbling about in here 468 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,284 all seem lovely to think about... 469 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,488 Myanmar and Brazil. 470 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:13,130 No, no! No more of this! 471 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:15,806 Okay, are we getting the money or not? 472 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,884 Will you please tell us what the hell is going on? 473 00:24:20,840 --> 00:24:24,003 Amusing coincidence that two of the three countries 474 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:29,211 that provide the world's sesame seeds have such large cicada populations, no? 475 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,769 The cicadas of Myanmar emerge every 13 years, 476 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,401 while the Brazilian cicadas emerge every 17. 477 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,566 Next year they will hatch, simultaneously, 478 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,122 for the first time in 221 years. 479 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:48,126 Crops from both countries will be decimated. 480 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:54,249 Unlike Myanmar and Brazil, Indonesia has no cicada population. 481 00:24:54,320 --> 00:25:00,123 I was surprised to see Indonesian sesame seed futures priced so low. 482 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:02,530 I made a purchase. 483 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:06,002 And now, if the shortage spikes the global price 484 00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,448 even 10% we'll profit... 485 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,761 - Evan? - $68 million. 486 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,089 If you wish, I could tap that projected revenue and make you 487 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,965 a bridge loan of $15 million, gentlemen. 488 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,766 Unless you need more? 489 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,207 No, that's... Thank you. Thank you, holy shit. 490 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,123 Yes? Happy? 491 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,011 See? I told you he was taking care of it. 492 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:33,450 And now, would anyone like some BK? 493 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,965 Evan was kind enough to go out and get breakfast. 494 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,565 It's just sitting here. 495 00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:42,366 - Actually, we'd... I'd love some. - Thank you so much. 496 00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,122 Is there cumin in this barbecue sauce? 497 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,611 - I will definitely find out. - Please do. 498 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:03,841 Gentlemen, we just got back from the bank. 499 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,968 Our first deposit slip. 500 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,168 We are officially Pied Piper. 501 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:09,884 And I am officially legal. 502 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,964 Dinesh wouldn't shut the hell up, so we finally went to the visa office. 503 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,486 Took me five minutes. 504 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:18,884 Took me five years. They asked me about Al-Qaeda, like, 14 times. 505 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:21,765 He literally got it while I was still looking for parking. 506 00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,726 - Hello. - Is this Pied Piper? 507 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,566 It is now, but we're not taking any follow-on investors at this point. 508 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:35,487 Investors? No, this is Kelsey from the Arco station out on 108. 509 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:39,929 Someone smeared your name and number in shit on my bathroom wall. 510 00:26:40,000 --> 00:26:43,925 - I think you may have the wrong number... - Richie. 511 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:46,206 Oh, hey, guys. 512 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:49,764 Hi. Who is this? 513 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,525 You're not gonna believe this, but this is me. 514 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:57,128 Time is a sphere and I've been reincarnated during the same time period in which I exist. 515 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,725 Yes, but where did he come from? 516 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:01,201 From the future, obviously. 517 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,329 Also, from a parking lot at a gas station in Sonora. 518 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,368 He ate the whole bag of gold caps. 519 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:09,001 Awesome! 520 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:14,525 Erlich... 521 00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,244 So, should I call the cops now before anyone else does? 522 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:26,086 I just got an Amber Alert for Rogilio Núñez. 523 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:27,681 Yeah, okay.