Holy shit.
Oh!
This is a Pelham Bay Park bound 6 train.
Next stop, 77th Street, Lenox Hill.
Stand clear of the closing doors.
-Let me get this for you. -Ah, a gentleman and a doctor.
You sound like my mother.
Yeah. Easy on the Oedipus. I just woke up.
You back so soon?
I'm a very sick person.
Later.
Polio!
Hey, what's the damage, Ruthie?
It's nothing. Just a fender bender.
It's not as bad as it looks.
Oh, hey, that's what you get for going to Jersey.
I mean, it's free to get in, but you gotta pay to get out.
Head wound aside, you're looking pretty sharp.
Gee, thanks.
There's nothing as invigorating
as that split second of terror that it's really all over.
Ah. Boy, do I know. Let's see. What do we got?
-Uh, age? -Twenty-nine.
Mm-hmm.
-And, uh, any chance you're pregnant? -Oh! No.
I'll put that down as a yes.
When your mother was pregnant with you, she ate nothing but Cream of Wheat.
Breakfast, lunch, dinner, Cream of Wheat.
Well, looks like there's now a "mental illness by proxy" section, so…
…why don't we hop, skip along to, hey, family history of cancer?
Oh, too much to list.
Yeah. Well, you don't get to choose your genetics.
Otherwise, I would've been Nadia Comăneci, right?
All right, what is the game plan around here?
I mean, is Lenox Hill actually treating patients today,
or are we just putting on a Beckett play?
Eh, hello, hello.
Hi. How you doing?
Wonder if you have any intel on my godmother, Ruth Brenner?
You have to wait like everybody else.
Come on, I'm gonna be 40 in ten days.
Happy birthday.
-Great. -Brenner?
Ruth Brenner?
Ah! Look at that. Good things come to those who can't wait.
Uh, right this way, please.
Uh, look at this.
A royal treatment, Ruthie. Thank you so much.
Oh no. Don't need that.
Oh, none of that. This is just standard protocol.
We've got you covered.
-My fucking knees. -Okay, there you go. All right.
Immortality is the great delusion of youth. Oh!
-Enjoy it. -Me? I've never been young.
Oh please. You'll always be a baby to me.
Almost 40. All right, call me.
-I'll pick you up, the whole routine. -I will.
Thank you.
Fucking Christ.
Hey, between you and me, I mean, should she still be driving?
There's no smoking in here.
Uh…
I'm chewing. See? Chewing.
-Come on, baby.
Nemo. -Hey.
Did you know that human embryos go through a stage
where they have slits in their necks like fish?
Isn't that adorbs?
Yes, totally fucking adorable.
Let me tell you something, okay?
Any organ that takes in oxygen just makes me wanna smoke.
You didn't quit?
Well, it's a process, Maxine.
A process.
Well, you sound stressed. Maybe you should start up again.
Don't fucking mind game me, all right?
I am keenly aware that my lungs are essentially
two shriveled up Nick Caves.
Hmm. How's Ruth?
I mean, "How's Ruth?"
How's anyone? I don't know. She's okay, she's not okay.
I mean, it just never fucking ends. I've been caretaking for four years.
I'm so sick of doctors I gotta see a doctor about it.
You should see my shaman. She totally cured my carpal tunnel.
No, you're missing the point, Maxine.
There's, uh, no witnesses, you know what I mean?
There's nobody.
There's nobody who's been there since the beginning. It's only Ruth.
You're doing great, Nemo.
And you know me, I barely lie.
Oh great.
Every time you compliment me, a cockroach gets its wings.
Okay, let's talk about your party.
I'm thinking absinthe bar, quail eggs--
Listen, I think I'm just gonna fucking quiet night inzy, all right?
Spend a little time with Alan, all right?
Alan? Alan?
That makes sense.
I've only been your best friend for 25 years.
We ended up in the same timeline.
Gotta make sure we keep it that way. Nothing personal.
I'm obviously taking this very personally.
Take it easy. I'm headed into the subway.
I'll see you in, like, 15 minutes, all right?
Oh, can you grab my lacrimatory from my glass guy?
Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Losing you.
Hello? Nadia?
It's just off the G train. It's really easy.
Hey!
What?
Horse?
What's up?
Nora?
It's me.
Haircut.
You waiting for the train?
Yeah, I'm waiting for the train.
You gonna stand there, and a long metal tube is gonna show up
and open its doors,
and then you're gonna, maybe, I don't know, sit down on a seat?
Yeah, I was gonna do all that. I'm gonna find a seat.
Me too.
You waiting for the fucking train?
What?
Hey, fuck you too, man.
Ballsy move, dude.
Do you want my seat?
Look, man, I'm not gonna fuck you.
Good. You definitely shouldn't.
Cats, huh?
Not my thing.
The 6 train is now running express.
Next stop, Astor Place.
Sophie's Choice. That's funny.
All right, what is this? Some kind of, like, uh, eighties flash mob?
Ah, great.
Hey, Travis Bickle, what year do you think it is, man?
Zero.
"Two faces of John LeBoutillier…
who we transformed…"
Nineteen…
eighty-two.
How you doing there?
Okay.
Max's Kansas City, etcetera. All right.
All right, very effective.
Very effective.
Now arriving Astor Place.
Stop that man! Stop him!
Okay, man.
Holy fucking shit.
-Fuck. -Hey, hey, hey.
-You all right? What? Who are you?
-Why are you wearing red berets? -Uh, Guardian Angels, ma'am.
One person can make a difference as long as others dare to care.
Are you all right, ma'am? Do you need help getting home? Anything?
Yeah. I would say, uh, sure. I really need to get home, yeah.
-All right, come on. Exit's this way. -Okay.
-Take your time. Here we go. -All right.
All right. You look great. You look great.
Watch yourself.
Now, right up there, to the left.
-Get home safely, okay? -Yeah. All right.
All right.
Hey. Hey.
Do you believe in the future of our humanity?
Define future.
We're building thermonuclear weapons left and right.
We're fucking Gaia, and we don't know where the clit is.
You gotta know where the clitoris is. That's why they always say that.
Radiation from thermonuclear weapons causes genetic changes
that are inherited by future generations.
If we don't do something, we're fucked!
Our kids are fucked, and our kids' kids are fucked.
Where the fuck is my fucking phone?
Shit.
This is…
"The Black Gumball."
The fuck is Chez?
Huh.
Hey, man.
Hey, yeah, you.
You know where this place is?
-By the park. -All right, cool.
Cool. Good luck with your fucking clitoris.
Hey, watch it. Watch it.
Fucking psychedelic.
That is so fucking weird.
What is this?
Of course, American religion at its core has always been consumerism,
but now the illusion's fading away
and we're left worshiping the thing itself.
The pursuit of money for money's sake.
Great. You gonna pay for that drink now?
Hey, man, can I get a bourbon?
Bourbon? You sure about that, hon?
Yeah, hon. It's arguably the only thing I'm sure of.
Basic concepts like time and space are suddenly eluding me.
I mean, last night this place was mayhem 'cause Wi-Fi went out,
but in the new here and now, uh,
apparently gratuitous nudity is back in play.
Well, my past, your future.
Begs the question,
am I haunting you, are you haunting me?
You seem pretty relaxed for a ghost.
Well, when the universe fucks with you,
let it.
Tell you what I did not expect,
is for the 6 train to run through some kind of a wormhole.
Hit me, please.
You're a time traveler.
Eh…
I prefer the term "time prisoner."
Mmm. What happens to me in the future?
Mmm.
I don't know who you are, guy.
Danny.
Holy fucking shit.
Crazy Eddie's.
No fucking way.
I wish more women had that kind of enthusiasm about my day job.
Look at that, I'll tell you your future.
In about a second, you offer me a cigarette.
-Prescient. -Thanks, Danny from 1982.
Nadia. Oh, and, uh, not to piss in your drink,
but your boss goes away for securities fraud.
-Man, get the fuck outta here.
Fuck.
Asshole.
There she is.
Let's go, babe.
How you doing? Uh, here's my rule on strangers.
They, uh,
they stand at a distance, 500 feet away from me,
and then, you know, I just never see 'em again.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
Is this about 500 feet?
Watch it, that's my ear.
-Oh, I know. -Hey, Chez.
You fucking owe me.
Oh, so you must be Chez from the matchbook then.
We gotta go, babe.
Seriously, we gotta go. Come on.
-All right. -Really. For real.
-Okay. -Come on.
-Here we go. -All right. All right.
That's on you, Danny.
-Here we go. -Okay, Nadia.
I don't wanna go back in there.
It's a bad atmosphere.
Yeah. Funny how the vibe changes when you rip off a cokehead.
Okay, okay.
You're definitely nervous.
I gotcha.
Now, lady's choice.
'Ludes or beauties?
Holy fucking shit.
Black beauties.
My God, I thought these were just legend.
Huh?
All right, fuck it.
Looks like Purim came early this year.
Ah.
'Lude for later.
That's my girl.
Right now, we're nobodies.
You bump into some yuppie asshole on the street,
his eyes glaze over like you don't even exist,
just because we don't buy into their Ozzie and Harriet version of life.
Uh, who do you think I am?
Okay.
Okay, you got the keys?
What keys?
Check your pockets. The keys.
All right.
Are you fucking kidding me? Why don't I help you, huh?
Huh? New game. I help you find your keys.
-All right. -Yeah.
-Yeah. Mm-hmm. -That's good.
-Okay. -Okay, got 'em.
Okay. If by "them" you mean my pussy lips in a twist, uh,
mission accomplished.
Let's go.
-Huh. -Let's go.
"Chezare Carrera."
Hail, Caesar.
Hey. Come on.
Okay.
-Shit.
Okay.
Fuck! Go! Go!
Go, go, go, go!
Open the fucking door.
Shit.
Gotta go.
Just be cool. Yeah.
I'm fucking hard right now. Are you ready?
-Yeah. -I'm gonna eat your pussy.
-All right, I'll take it. -Okay, come on.
Hey, where's my-- Where's my wallet?
Mmm. Quick background check.
Don't take offense. I do it to every guy I meet.
Jesus, I love you.
Thing is, they don't want us moving up in the world, babe.
Nah.
Whole system is a fucking racket.
It's bullshit.
"Stay down. Stay in your place."
You know what I say?
I say fuck that.
Gotta take control of your life.
And that is what we're doing.
Huh?
We…
you and me,
are taking control.
Uh…
I gotta take a leak.
My bladder's really fucking my dick tonight.
Mmm.
-Oh boy. -Yeah, just two secs.
Where is it? There?
Um-- Yeah.
Yeah, I'll find it. I'm a compass.
What?
-All right.
Jesus. Fuck.
Okay.
Very good. Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
-Okay.
Not bad.
Hey.
It's very fucked up. Yeah.
All right.
What the fuck?
Mom?
Yo.
Yo, yo, yo.
Wait…
Hey, babe?
Lenora?
Oh, hi, Nora.
Uh, hey, yeah. How you doing, man?
Nora.
Ah-ha!
Okay. Sorry, man.
Subway token and an eating disorder.
Is it 2022 in here?
Stand clear of the closing doors.
A millennial. Ah-ha!
-Alan, open up.
Fuck.
For the last time, that key is for emergencies.
You cannot just come by when you're in the neighborhood
and need to use the bathroom.
How's this for an emergency?
The universe finally found something worse than death.
Being my mother.
What?
Cool.
So, just happening to me then.
Great.
I--
I wish I knew what to say,
but I'm just not taking the 6 train into my mom. Nah.
Look, all I'm saying is, maybe we have unfinished business.
We have spent your past three birthdays on DEFCON 1
just in case we start dying.
I'm standing here looking at us, and we're both very much alive.
Ask yourself this,
are you happy?
Yeah, I'm fine. I just-- I think this is what life feels like.
Is it though?
Look, you believe me, right?
Yeah. Yeah, of course, I be-- I believe you.
Proof. I've got proof.
You can tell I was really in the eighties
because I got a nuclear war pamphlet from some fucking weirdo
who was, like, really into nuclear war pamphlets.
The fuck?
You-- You can show me later.
I'm late to meet up with a new girl that my mom set me up with.
-It's-- It's a date a week now.
Huh.
Anyway, people don't like it when you are not punctual.
It's---
It's unattractive.
I gotta say, I expected you to be more onboard with this.
Shit. I gotta go check on Ruth.
Hey man, what happened to that other girl? The one with the, uh, you know--
-The dog? -Teeth. Wasn't it--
Long-- long teeth.
Yeah, that was three months ago.
Oh really? That's too bad. I liked her.
Well, what's going on with Ruth?
She's back at Lenox Hill. You know, shit never ends.
Fender bender, but, like, revoke her license already.
You tell her that I said hi.
And, uh, isn't it too late for a hospital visit?
She's a New Yorker, Alan.
Plus, she's the only one who might know what was going on between my mom and Chez.
Wait, who-- who is Chez?
Some type of Paul Snider character.
Now I don't expect you to get that. It's a Star 80 reference. Very deep cut.
To be clear, that cokehead is not my fucking father.
I know who my father is, and he's primarily alcoholic.
Okay, Nadia, do-- do I need to be worried about you?
Well, you took the words right out of my mouth.
Hey, you're loving and you deserve love.
Call me when you're inside your mom, you fucking sicko.
Hi, Ruthie.
I mean, my best friend just had a baby,
and, like, she's already setting up interviews at private preschools,
which is so competitive here.
And, I don't know. I mean, my friends all say that it's great…
-Let me ask you a question. -What?
Do you remember an old boyfriend of mom's,
a Chezare Carrera?
Your mother had terrible taste in men.
And, you know, God, she couldn't ever resist a con man.
Oh, looks like you've got company.
Yes, this is Nadia, my honorary daughter.
It's nice to have someone to look after you.
-Can I have your arm, dear? -Mm-hmm. Mmm.
Okay. So, uh, Chezare, yeah?
Oh yeah. He's the one that was around
when your mother lost all the family money.
Wait, what do you mean? The gold? The Krugerrands?
That guy?
Outstanding prick.
Bingo, bitch.
Hey.
Where'd you go?
Uh…
cigarettes.
You got pregnancy brain?
Would you look at that.
Bennett & Hammond Ultra Light mentholated 100s.
That's fucking gross.
Yeah.
You got a whole box.
Neat. Uh…
whose place did we rob?
What?
Was it Vera?
Like, did you steal my grandma's Krugerrands?
Your grandma?
Babe, whoa, okay, just--
I didn't do jack shit.
We…
We did it together.
Oh God.
Babe, are you-- are you sure you're okay?
You having second thoughts now?
Oh.
No, no. Uh…
…I'm all the way in. Yeah.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
-Hey. -Okay.
Hey.
I was waiting for you, okay? Don't run off like that on me again, okay?
Mm-hmm.
You had me worried.
There's two of you now.
What's going on down here?
Yeah.
Leopard's come out to play, huh?
Look at that. Tony the tiger.
Oh yeah. Yeah, the tiger. Yeah, Tony on there for you.
Yeah.
You just left me and ran out on me.
Tony's really upset, and he kind of--
-Oh God. Yes. Yes.
Okay. Okay.
Oh my God.
No.
No. Where you going?
-What are you doing? -I just gotta take a leak.
You know, pregnancy brain, pregnancy bladder,
you know, pregnant shit.
Fuck.
They're right there.
Just get 'em back.
They're all right there for you.
Chez?
Chez!
No. No, fuck!
Chez!
Shit.
Fuck.
You motherfucker, wait up!
Chez!
Fuck!
Chez!
You fucked my mother!
Uh-uh!