1 00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:29,446 You think he's gonna propose? Ugh, what a bummer. 2 00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,991 Okay, yeah. I'll talk to you later. 3 00:00:36,995 --> 00:00:37,954 Hey. 4 00:00:38,663 --> 00:00:40,540 Welcome to yesterday. 5 00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:45,587 I'm so glad you made it. And look at that, great posture. 6 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:46,796 -Thank you. -Yeah. 7 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,840 Not a lot of people at this party can say that. 8 00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:52,260 -Come on, I'll show you around. -It's a cool place. 9 00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:03,897 Why do you think this is happening to us? 10 00:01:04,939 --> 00:01:07,776 I'm-- I'm pretty sure that it's purgatorial punishment 11 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,736 for being a bad person. 12 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,947 What is this bad person? 13 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:16,910 I mean, you know, there's Hitler and then there's, uh, everybody else. 14 00:01:16,993 --> 00:01:19,621 Even Wile E. Coyote. 15 00:01:19,704 --> 00:01:22,165 Yeah, he's out there. He's looking for a hot meal. 16 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,627 -Are you having a stroke? -No. Uh... 17 00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:28,546 That guy that Beatrice cheated on me with, he's here. 18 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,424 -Don't look. -Just take it easy, all right? 19 00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:35,011 Point him out later, and I'll bust his fucking knee caps, okay? 20 00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:39,182 But for now, you and me got bigger fish to fry. Life and death stuff, huh. 21 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:43,520 -Geez. -Eh. 22 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:45,230 What is that? 23 00:01:45,313 --> 00:01:48,691 My new theory is that it's an incredibly dense gravitational field 24 00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:52,320 that's gaining consciousness and is now deliberately fucking with us. 25 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:56,116 Kind of the black hole meets They Shoot Horses, Don't They? 26 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,827 Yeah, my bathroom doesn't have a black hole, so... 27 00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:01,955 This isn't gonna be very fun if you keep rejecting my theories. 28 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:02,956 You rejected mine. 29 00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,667 Yeah, because it was morally simplistic and narcissistic. 30 00:02:05,750 --> 00:02:09,838 I mean, the universe is moral, but it shares your views on morality. 31 00:02:15,009 --> 00:02:16,177 We'll try your way. 32 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:18,596 Oh, great. 33 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,682 What were you doing in there 34 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:24,853 Uh, have I ever done anything, you know, memorably bad to either of you? 35 00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:28,106 Yeah, you said I shouldn't adopt those two Neapolitan mastiff puppies 36 00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:29,274 'cause I have a small space, 37 00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,943 but they needed a home and I could've made some changes. 38 00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,736 Okay. Do you want to get in on this? 39 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:37,699 Oh, no, no. I love that you're a cunt. It makes me feel morally superior. 40 00:02:37,782 --> 00:02:39,951 Okay, that's a good way to not judge people. 41 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:41,578 Is there anything else? 42 00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:42,495 -Yeah. -Who? 43 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,454 -Gina. -Okay. 44 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:46,791 When you said Gina wasn't really my type, I really took that to heart. 45 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,627 I mean, if it weren't for you, I'd be married. I'd be living upstate. 46 00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:52,839 I'd be raising two mastiffs. I'd have a completely different life. 47 00:02:52,922 --> 00:02:55,800 -Shall we open it up to the group? -Yeah, that's a great idea. 48 00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,136 Okay, okay. No problem. 49 00:02:58,970 --> 00:02:59,971 Ding dong. 50 00:03:00,972 --> 00:03:03,266 Gather 'round, gather 'round. 51 00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:07,228 Great to see you and you and also you. Okay, so hi. 52 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,563 Me from the party. 53 00:03:08,646 --> 00:03:10,273 I just want to say... 54 00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:15,570 thank you all so much for coming to celebrate tonight. 55 00:03:15,653 --> 00:03:16,905 What good people. Uh... 56 00:03:16,988 --> 00:03:18,281 It means a lot to me, 57 00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,367 and something else that also means a lot to me 58 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:25,872 would be if you would tell me if you think I'm a bad person, 59 00:03:25,955 --> 00:03:29,250 or maybe I've committed some serious misdeeds, 60 00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,045 and you could come and talk to me about that tonight 61 00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:34,172 would be super fucking hot. Okay? 62 00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:38,468 For my birthday, tell me if I'm a bad person. 63 00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:39,427 Okay, cool. 64 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:42,180 -Uh, thank you so much, Nadia. -Thank you. 65 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:45,099 I would like to dedicate this night to Chong, my uncle, 66 00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:47,644 who also had a hard time saying thank you. 67 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:50,438 To Chong. 68 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,941 -Love you, Chung. -Chong. 69 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,359 -Chong. -Chong. Chong. 70 00:03:58,988 --> 00:04:00,406 This is why she's acting like this. 71 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:03,910 Okay, check it out. 72 00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:06,496 I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me I'm a bad person. 73 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:11,042 Nobody did it because I fucking rule, so... there goes your theory. 74 00:04:11,125 --> 00:04:12,877 -Hey. -Hey. 75 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:13,878 It's been a while. 76 00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:15,672 Yeah, I guess for you it has, huh? 77 00:04:15,755 --> 00:04:17,548 You look-- You look real fantastic. 78 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:19,217 Well, I wear the same thing all the time. 79 00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,134 Hey, man. 80 00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:21,886 -Hey. -I'm John. 81 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:22,929 Oh, this is Alan. 82 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:26,599 He's basically a child that the universe has tasked me with babysitting. 83 00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:29,018 -Would you say that's a fair assessment? -Sure. 84 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:29,936 Uh... 85 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:32,397 Speaking of kids, how's Lucy? 86 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,899 She's doing great. She just won the Gwendolyn Brooks prize 87 00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,734 for her poem on the Statue of Liberty. 88 00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:39,195 That is great. Lucy is great. 89 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,947 John and I were a thing for a year. 90 00:04:41,030 --> 00:04:43,366 How do you know she's great? You never met her. 91 00:04:43,866 --> 00:04:46,077 I mean, you were supposed to meet her, but you backed out. 92 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,287 She backed out, new guy. 93 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,497 I had every intention of meeting her, all right? 94 00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:52,375 I just, uh... overslept. 95 00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:56,337 I even had a book I was gonna give her. Emily of New Moon. 96 00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:57,422 I love that book. 97 00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:59,048 Why'd you even bring her up though? 98 00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,342 You're supposed to ask people about their kids. Okay? 99 00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:04,595 It's polite. It gives everybody a moment to pretend there's gonna be a future. 100 00:05:04,679 --> 00:05:06,472 -I'm gonna get a seltzer. -Okay. 101 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,641 Oh, hey, they have alcohol over there too, so... 102 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,143 No, no, no, no, no. That's his deal. 103 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,729 He's like sober, white-knuckling it so he doesn't drink. 104 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,063 That's why he's such an asshole. 105 00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,524 Oh, I thought it was because you were pissing him off. 106 00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:20,028 Alan, sexualizing self-hatred is the hallmark of any relationship 107 00:05:20,111 --> 00:05:21,904 that begins with extra-marital infidelity. 108 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:25,992 You skipped out on meeting his daughter and you broke up his marriage? 109 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:35,168 With the amount of guilt, I'm surprised you're not a Jew. 110 00:05:36,294 --> 00:05:37,211 Thanks, man. 111 00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:46,179 -What? -Let's do it. 112 00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:48,348 Let's meet Lucy. 113 00:05:49,390 --> 00:05:51,642 I wanted you to meet her when we were together. 114 00:05:52,226 --> 00:05:53,102 Please? 115 00:05:54,562 --> 00:05:55,438 Okay. 116 00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,399 I have breakfast with her every Monday and Friday. 117 00:05:58,858 --> 00:05:59,984 Tomorrow morning then. 118 00:06:06,115 --> 00:06:06,991 Thank you. 119 00:06:08,326 --> 00:06:10,745 I think there's a lot of merit in copying. 120 00:06:10,828 --> 00:06:13,289 I'm interested in plagiarism as an art form. 121 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,166 But haven't you wondered why visual art 122 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:17,835 no longer carries the weight it did 30 years ago? 123 00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:20,421 -I've literally never wondered that. -The internet. 124 00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:22,715 AIDS. 125 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:28,763 The AIDS crisis, it wiped out nearly every meaningful critical voice in every medium. 126 00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:35,395 So now, the artist's intention is buried in a sea of likes and thumbs up. 127 00:06:35,478 --> 00:06:37,355 But if the intention's still there... 128 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,690 If it's clear, it doesn't matter what the critic thinks. 129 00:06:39,774 --> 00:06:41,150 What are you, a collector? 130 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:42,735 I don't really understand art. 131 00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,780 My dad used to say that I don't have a single creative bone in my body. 132 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,532 So we're talking about your dad now. 133 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,450 I'm really into dads. 134 00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,203 -I'm a dad. -Ah. 135 00:06:52,745 --> 00:06:54,914 -You want a refill? -Yes, Dad. 136 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:57,208 You keep that, I'll get another one. 137 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,674 I'm not really good at this stuff. 138 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,926 You seem to be so comfortable with yourself. 139 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,219 Bringing up AIDS at a party. 140 00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,430 -I'd never have the balls to do that. 141 00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,099 Is that what she likes about you? 142 00:07:13,933 --> 00:07:14,976 I'll tell you what. 143 00:07:16,018 --> 00:07:18,396 If you would politely excuse yourself... 144 00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,648 I might be able to find out. 145 00:07:22,150 --> 00:07:23,109 Thank you. 146 00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:43,421 Pancake breakfasts... 147 00:07:43,504 --> 00:07:44,797 private cars... 148 00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:49,677 You know, all my mother gave me was a subway token and an eating disorder. 149 00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:51,721 You're a good dad. 150 00:07:52,513 --> 00:07:53,764 She's gonna be great. 151 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:56,225 But, you know, it's a tricky age. 152 00:07:57,101 --> 00:07:58,519 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 153 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,981 I was right about that age when life stopped making sense. 154 00:08:02,064 --> 00:08:05,526 Hey, all I wanted to do was be left alone, hole up with books all day. 155 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:06,903 Man, you know what? 156 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:09,155 I still got Emily of New Moon at Ruth's house. 157 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:12,366 I think I should just go grab it and give it to her. Ah? 158 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,744 It's late. How about we give it to her another time? 159 00:08:14,827 --> 00:08:16,579 Come on, man. I'd like to do it tonight. 160 00:08:31,469 --> 00:08:34,555 She's just fucking everybody, and I'm watching like an idiot. 161 00:08:45,107 --> 00:08:45,983 Sorry. 162 00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,152 What time is it? 163 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,529 00 a.m. 164 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,364 Oh, my gosh. 165 00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:54,158 I'm gonna go to Ruth's and get that book for Lucy, okay? 166 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,452 -I'll see you at breakfast. -Okay, babe. 167 00:08:58,829 --> 00:08:59,664 You okay? 168 00:08:59,747 --> 00:09:01,958 My bones hurt every morning. 169 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,585 You should get checked for Lyme disease. 170 00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,129 Damn it. 171 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:50,923 God. 172 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,721 -Hey, did you find it? -Yes. 173 00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,725 Way in the back of the armoire. 174 00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:01,642 Ooh. 175 00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,686 Ah, thank you. 176 00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:04,937 Okay. 177 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:07,690 You know I keep all your stuff. 178 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:11,861 I even have the Valentine's Day card you made me in fourth grade. 179 00:10:11,944 --> 00:10:15,281 I mean, your mother was a little unstable around that time, 180 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,533 and oh, I told her, I told her, 181 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:20,786 I'm not trying to replace anyone. 182 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,830 I'm just trying to be here 183 00:10:22,913 --> 00:10:25,875 for a little girl who could use a little help. 184 00:10:27,043 --> 00:10:30,004 It was the decent thing to do. 185 00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:30,921 Sure. 186 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,674 Oh, oh, oh. Did you lock the door behind you? 187 00:10:33,758 --> 00:10:34,717 Yes, I did. 188 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:39,680 Hey, Ruth, if you were gonna die today, 189 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,016 would you be ready for it? 190 00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:45,353 Like would you feel at peace with your life? 191 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:46,395 Yes and no. 192 00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:49,649 So, how do you get to just yes? 193 00:10:50,149 --> 00:10:51,108 You don't. 194 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:55,863 See, holding two incompatible ideas in your head at the same time 195 00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:58,991 and accepting both of them... 196 00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:01,118 that's the best of being human. 197 00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:06,332 Yes, no, good, bad, life, death. 198 00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:08,584 Wax on, wax off. 199 00:11:08,668 --> 00:11:10,670 Tomato, tomato. 200 00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:12,505 -Potato, two potatoes. -Okay. 201 00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,548 -All night, all day. -Okay, okay, okay. 202 00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:15,883 -Okay, okay. -Right? 203 00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:17,218 -Okay, okay. -Come on. 204 00:11:17,301 --> 00:11:19,136 Look. Right now, 205 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,306 I'm looking at you as you are today 206 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:26,852 while also looking at you as that peculiar little girl I knew. 207 00:11:29,397 --> 00:11:31,399 Happy Valentine's Day. 208 00:11:31,482 --> 00:11:33,401 Oh! There it is. 209 00:11:33,484 --> 00:11:34,443 Well... 210 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:36,654 I may not be a mom, 211 00:11:36,737 --> 00:11:39,824 but, hey, damn, I got this. 212 00:11:39,907 --> 00:11:41,158 -Mm-hmm. -Uh-huh. 213 00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:43,619 Look, she's smoking, like you. Get it? 214 00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,163 And St. Valentine was a big smoker. Everybody knows that. 215 00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:47,331 Oh, yeah. 216 00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:50,167 Fucking bingo. 217 00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:53,713 It's here. 218 00:11:53,796 --> 00:11:57,174 You know, that was written by the same woman that wrote Anne of Green Gables. 219 00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:58,217 Yeah, of course. 220 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,636 Everybody loves Anne, 221 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,431 but I like Emily. 222 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,432 She's dark. 223 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,394 -You lock the door behind you? -Yes. 224 00:12:08,477 --> 00:12:10,438 You already asked me that, Ruthie. 225 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,190 Oh, I know. My memory's slipping. 226 00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:17,153 There's-- There's somebody in the neighborhood. 227 00:12:17,903 --> 00:12:20,781 I am making you tea. 228 00:12:20,865 --> 00:12:23,409 But, personally, I wouldn't touch the stuff. 229 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:25,244 "She despised Rhoda... 230 00:12:25,661 --> 00:12:28,038 more than ever for trying to get back with her." 231 00:12:28,622 --> 00:12:31,250 You know, Rhoda was the cunt in this story, obviously. 232 00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:32,501 Here we are. 233 00:12:41,802 --> 00:12:43,721 Fucking God damn it, man. 234 00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,444 -Gas explosion. -Bike accident. 235 00:12:58,527 --> 00:13:00,404 Listen, I know you think I'm a moral narcissist, 236 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,406 but there are good guys and bad guys. 237 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:04,366 And I am definitely a good guy. 238 00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,994 And that piece of shit, he... 239 00:13:07,953 --> 00:13:09,288 he is a bad guy. 240 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:12,958 Okay, so then why are you the one in purgatory? 241 00:13:14,251 --> 00:13:16,462 Hey, happy birthday. 242 00:13:16,545 --> 00:13:17,630 John. 243 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:19,548 Quelle surprise. 244 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:21,801 So, listen. Uh, remember when I stood up Lucy 245 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,761 and you've been secretly resenting me ever since? 246 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:25,971 Let's take her to breakfast tomorrow morning, 247 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:28,390 make everything kosher copacetic, okay? 248 00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,310 We can go to my place. 249 00:13:32,102 --> 00:13:33,813 Let's take the fire escape. 250 00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,357 It'll be fun. 251 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:38,317 What's that? 252 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,735 -Come on. -Whoa. 253 00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:43,030 You gotta stop getting so worked up over him. 254 00:13:43,113 --> 00:13:45,324 You've spent enough time on this guy already. 255 00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,701 I know it's a bummer, but come on. 256 00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:48,786 Oh, yeah. 257 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:50,913 Yeah, it is a bummer. 258 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:52,790 It is a bummer for everybody involved, 259 00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:54,250 except, it seems, to be for you, 260 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,001 which, you know, doesn't make any sense, 261 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:59,088 because if anybody deserves to be punished 262 00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:01,340 for the rest of their fucking life, it is you. 263 00:14:01,423 --> 00:14:03,133 You are fucking garbage, 264 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,010 and someone needs to bag you up, 265 00:14:05,094 --> 00:14:07,555 take you outside, throw you into the East River, 266 00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,432 and put everyone who can smell your fucking stench 267 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,309 out of their goddamn misery! 268 00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:13,227 God! 269 00:14:13,310 --> 00:14:14,770 Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! 270 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,856 -Yeah! -Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! 271 00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,192 I don't know who the fuck you are, I don't know what's going on here, 272 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:23,237 but either you two suck each other's dicks or get out of my apartment. 273 00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:25,823 Okay? Come on. 274 00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,536 I'm not sucking anybody's dick. 275 00:14:31,954 --> 00:14:33,664 Bea, he's a sex addict. 276 00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:36,542 -Who? -Michael. Mike. Your Mike. Your Michael. 277 00:14:36,625 --> 00:14:40,212 Alan, you're so fucking drunk right now. I'm not gonna do this with you. 278 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:43,090 -I am not, okay? -Bea, he's a sex addict. 279 00:14:43,173 --> 00:14:45,759 Don't bother calling me back, 'cause you're not gonna be sober. 280 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,136 -You need help. -Please, Bea. 281 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,320 -Gas explosion again. -Again? 282 00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,113 I get hit by a car. 283 00:15:06,196 --> 00:15:07,406 Oh, classic. 284 00:15:07,489 --> 00:15:08,449 Hey, wait a second. 285 00:15:08,532 --> 00:15:11,160 Are you telling me that you're never dying on the stairs? 286 00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,494 No. 287 00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:15,539 Are you some kind of a fucking superhero or just a... 288 00:15:15,623 --> 00:15:17,583 Do you think that we're dying at the same time? 289 00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,668 Hey, happy birthday. 290 00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:21,629 Give me one second. 291 00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:38,103 -Up with Susan? -Yeah, 'cause she was like doing that. 292 00:15:38,187 --> 00:15:40,981 -What? -She was choking her during sex. 293 00:15:41,065 --> 00:15:41,899 Oh! 294 00:15:41,982 --> 00:15:44,026 Yeah, she's a choker and shit. 295 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:44,985 Yeah. 296 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,654 It's kind of hot. 297 00:15:46,737 --> 00:15:49,281 I mean, it is kind of hot, but then the stalking started. 298 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,950 -That's not hot. -Yeah. 299 00:15:53,243 --> 00:15:56,246 This guy's been following us for like five blocks. 300 00:15:58,248 --> 00:16:00,501 What the hell are you even-- 301 00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,211 Back the fuck up, motherfucker! 302 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:06,966 I said back the fuck up, motherfucker! Back the fuck up, motherfucker! Back up! 303 00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,676 Let's go! Let's go! 304 00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,355 Three-one-one, you guys rock. 305 00:16:21,438 --> 00:16:24,316 Listen, uh, I'd like to report a gas leak. 306 00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:26,568 Yeah. 307 00:16:27,152 --> 00:16:28,278 Yes, it is urgent. 308 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,530 Uh-huh. 309 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:32,282 You know, it's a big-time fucking emergency, actually. 310 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:55,681 Nadia! 311 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,851 Oh, God. Look at me. Look at-- 312 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,145 Oh! Nadia, no! Honey, please! 313 00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:03,772 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 314 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,399 I thought it was a burglar. 315 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,944 They've been saying there's somebody in the neighborhood. 316 00:17:17,494 --> 00:17:18,495 Fuck. 317 00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,082 Oh, fuck. 318 00:17:25,961 --> 00:17:27,171 Fuck. 319 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,446 You think he's gonna propose? 320 00:17:53,113 --> 00:17:54,239 That's a bummer. 321 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:57,618 Yeah. 322 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,370 That's right. 323 00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:01,955 Hi. I'm Alan. 324 00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:05,959 -Yeah, I'm on the phone. -Yeah, with my girlfriend. 325 00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:07,419 Beatrice. 326 00:18:08,295 --> 00:18:11,298 Bea, uh... I'm gonna-- I'm gonna call you back. 327 00:18:13,050 --> 00:18:14,760 -Listen. -Why you? 328 00:18:15,427 --> 00:18:16,637 Why me what? 329 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:17,554 Bea. 330 00:18:18,013 --> 00:18:21,100 She chose you, and you don't love her. You're not faithful. 331 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:22,976 You never get punished. 332 00:18:23,352 --> 00:18:24,269 So why you? 333 00:18:25,729 --> 00:18:27,731 She didn't choose me, Alan. 334 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:31,860 The only choice she made was not you. 335 00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:34,321 Nobody chooses me. 336 00:18:36,448 --> 00:18:38,367 I'm the hole where a choice should be. 337 00:18:43,747 --> 00:18:45,207 Oh, God. Alan. 338 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,084 I had a mace-induced asthma attack. You? 339 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,087 What if they keep going? 340 00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:53,006 Who -Them. 341 00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:55,467 I mean, everyone who's not us. 342 00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:58,178 All right, I thought that what was happening to us 343 00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,013 wasn't hurting anybody else, but... 344 00:19:00,556 --> 00:19:03,267 ...I mean, they're all in it, too. 345 00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:04,309 What? 346 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,396 Fifteen times, Ruth has grieved for me. 347 00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:11,608 In 15 universes, she's alone. 348 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:14,403 Wait. It's 15 for you, too 349 00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:16,155 I know how to count, Alan. 350 00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,407 Hey, happy birthday. 351 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,576 Hey. Okay, listen to me. 352 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:24,496 We are leaving, and I am not going to get the book. 353 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:28,625 I'm going to tell your daughter about Emily of New Moon. 354 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:30,586 -Understand? -Yeah. 355 00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,004 -Can you help me with this? -Sure. 356 00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:33,463 Sorry, I gotta make a call. 357 00:19:36,633 --> 00:19:39,219 -What the fuck? -Oh, my God. 358 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,556 You want me to feel guilty? 359 00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:44,057 Well, I don't. 360 00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:47,227 I am not Beatrice's boyfriend. That was your job. 361 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:49,605 Look, I know it's not up to me to punish you. 362 00:19:50,105 --> 00:19:52,024 But I don't have to make this easy for you. 363 00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:54,067 Who is Beatrice I don't care. 364 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:57,571 Listen, I have an early flight to Sweden in the morning, 365 00:19:57,654 --> 00:19:59,781 so you need to get out so I can get it in. 366 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:01,909 Whatever. 367 00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,454 If it wasn't you, it would be some other woman. 368 00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,997 Do I look like I care? 369 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,750 -I-- I wasn't trying to insult you, ma'am. -Fuck you. 370 00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,298 She told me all about you, you know? 371 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,677 That you have mental problems, that you're sick and you won't get help, 372 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,179 and she couldn't break up with you 373 00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:24,264 because she was afraid you would do something. 374 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:25,974 She calls you the gingerbread man. 375 00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,894 She can call me whatever she wants. 376 00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:03,720 I'll be right back, okay? 377 00:21:10,310 --> 00:21:11,228 There she is. 378 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:13,021 John, man. 379 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:21,530 This kid just gave me the finger. 380 00:21:22,823 --> 00:21:24,032 She's perfect. 381 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:27,202 Luce, say hi. 382 00:21:28,745 --> 00:21:30,330 Say hi, baby. Say hi. 383 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,082 Pancake time. 384 00:21:32,541 --> 00:21:33,792 Okay, John. 385 00:21:35,294 --> 00:21:37,004 -Be careful. -With what? 386 00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,382 What's wrong? 387 00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,719 I'm sorry, I can't do this. 388 00:21:44,303 --> 00:21:45,887 -Do what? -I can't meet her. 389 00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,306 I could die in front of her, John. 390 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:48,223 -Die? -Yes. 391 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,726 -What are you gonna die from? -I don't know. The grate. 392 00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,521 A car could run me over. I mean, best case scenario, I... 393 00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,065 ...disappear. 394 00:21:58,108 --> 00:22:00,652 Don't do this. Okay, please, I'm begging you. 395 00:22:00,736 --> 00:22:01,695 Don't do this to her. 396 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:04,072 I can't have people coming in and out of her life like this. 397 00:22:04,156 --> 00:22:06,950 Exactly, all right? I'm not rejecting her. I'm protecting her. 398 00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:10,120 Don't do this to her, please. Okay? Don't do it to me. 399 00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:13,040 I'm begging you. I love you. Please don't do this. 400 00:22:14,249 --> 00:22:15,876 Just come and say hi. Just say hi. 401 00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:18,628 I wish I could. I really do. 402 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:20,464 I wish I could, okay? 403 00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:22,841 Sorry. I'm sorry about everything. 404 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:24,760 All right? I got to go. I got to go. 405 00:22:33,226 --> 00:22:35,062 Is cyanide sweet, though? 406 00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,606 Is that why Jim Jones put it in the Kool-Aid? 407 00:22:37,689 --> 00:22:39,524 So the kids can't taste it? 408 00:22:39,608 --> 00:22:41,401 Jonestown was bonkers. 409 00:22:47,949 --> 00:22:49,534 -Right? -Yeah. 410 00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:51,661 But it's huge. I don't know. 411 00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:54,706 Wait, nothing we do will be as devastating as that. 412 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,291 -Mm-hmm. -Maybe... 413 00:22:56,792 --> 00:22:58,126 I should start a religion. 414 00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:00,545 Come on, man. 415 00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:02,923 Please don't be fucking dead. 416 00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:05,842 Fuck. 417 00:23:09,429 --> 00:23:10,764 Yay. Uh... 418 00:23:10,847 --> 00:23:14,142 I'd like to report a gas leak... every fucking day, please. 419 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,436 Every day I'd like to report a gas leak. 420 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,897 Sorry for cursing. It's Ruth Brenner. 421 00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:21,817 B.R.E.N.N.E.R, 311 East 12th. 422 00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:22,734 Thank you. 423 00:23:23,318 --> 00:23:24,152 Hey. 424 00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,738 Did you die 425 00:23:26,822 --> 00:23:27,864 No. 426 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:30,409 -I think we're dying at the same time.