(SIRENS APPROACHING)
BIG: Hey.
Shit. I thought it was a real cop. Hang on, baby.
SGT. PARKER: Someone hasn't returned Young Guns II.
Chavez E. Chavez.
I was always him when we played "Young Guns." Lou Diamond. He's Native.
- WOMAN: He's not Native. - Yeah, he is.
WOMAN: No, he's not.
Lady, gentleman. Shut up. Okay.
Also, a Criterion edition of RoboCop
hasn't been returned to Bronco video,
and Roger Butler's about to lose his shit.
He's always about to lose his shit.
(ALL LAUGH)
Keep an eye out. All right?
Also, some shitass has been tagging all the bus stops
with Land Back, and dicks and boobs.
It's all those little shitasses in the village.
Billy Jack.
Willie Jack.
Jackin' off idiots is what they are.
(ALL LAUGHING)
Keep an eye out, all right?
Also, a shipment of catfish has been stolen from Cleo's.
I think it's meth heads, and it seems to happen every six months.
- Big? - Aho.
Why don't you go talk to the zombies down at the scrap yard?
Give it to Chubbs. I gotta follow up on a Bigfoot sighting outside of town.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
What?
On your way out to the forest, why don't you stop off at the scrap yard, okay?
Bigfoot can help you out.
-(ALL LAUGHING) - Big, I got a question.
Do Bigfoot's balls and hvshwv just dangle out in the open,
or do they tuck up inside like a dogs'?
You're gonna be making jokes when you see one.
Keep fucking around. You're gonna get slapped with a Bigfoot hvshwv.
- Really? - Easy. Easy.
Also, I told you about that field of catfish heads. It's probably connected.
Easy with the conspiracy theories today. You think everything's connected.
- Well, 'cause everything is. Shit. - All that tradition stuff. Hush now.
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO)
Here.
Aho.
Mind if I join?
Go ahead. Help yourself.
Yeah, Kenny Boy, my man. It's all science.
- And numbers. - What about the spirit?
I'm not in it for the party.
- You ever done DMT? - Not lately.
First time I did that,
felt like a membrane made of the softest female legs laid on me.
You should try laying on a real woman. They're pretty soft. Bouncy too.
Kenny Boy, we got company. That tribal cop.
- Damn. - What?
Looking for the two-dicks sculpture-maker, I suppose.
Two-dick what?
- Sculpture. - Maker.
Should I be worried?
You might turn the LSD/ayahuasca label and face it the other way.
- That's a pretty good start. - You guys suck.
You know, the second time I did DMT,
I shot high above this neon city.
That's great. Give your gums a rest, Joe Rogan.
Here he is.
Aho.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
- I don't speak Klingon. - Good one.
- It's Navajo. - Shit.
Thought you was clearing your throat. In reverse.
Humor. I love it.
Our people who have always used laughter as a way to get through the hard times.
Uh-huh.
Ain't that right, shi kis?
Fuck quit speaking Navajo, Kenny Boy. Shit.
Wow.
Just like the priest at the boarding school.
You're gonna wash my mouth out with soap as well?
Oh, Jesus.
Look, Cleo reported a shipment of catfish stolen.
I'm just wondering if you all heard anything.
Sadly, no, but I might have a number for you.
Someone who deals in the aquatic under-beings.
- Fly. - Good. Look it up.
Oh, don't mind if I do.
(GROANS)
(BURPS) Oh, yeah.
It's organtic.
(EXCLAIMS)
- I think I need to leave. - What?
Yeah.
What? Hey.
(LAUGHS)
There is no word in the Native tongue for "goodbye."
Only "see you later." So, understand me in English.
Adiós, Big.
- What the fuck you talking about? - Well, we, um...
We dosed those.
You what? Dosed? What does that mean?
Huh?
There was a a rave community.
Some young 'uns who like to party in the woods. Dog collars and shit.
We usually make a mean buck off them
selling energy drinks
dosed with my brother's own special blend of psychedelics.
BIG: Wait.
Did I drink one with drugs in it?
This is where the plot thickens, my friend.
I never done no fuckin' drugs.
- Well... -(BREATHING HEAVILY)
- Now, the best way... - You fucks.
Damn. He scurries like a little mouse.
Come on. Just put on some music.
(COUGHING)
(GAGGING)
It's of no use. It's already in your system, man.
Hey, take it easy, man.
You're in America.
Trip in beauty, my friend.
Away Cvpon. Away.
I'm a good person. I don't do drugs.
Away.
(DISTORTED) Oh, shit.
- That's crazy. - Fly.
- It's hitting him hard. - Fly.
He was hungry for it.
Ah...
(LAUGHS)
Hey.
(YELLS)
(SCREAMING)
Get out of the way!
(PANTING)
I'll join you, brother.
(CHUCKLES)
Noble brother. Mom would be proud.
For the Oyate.
(PANTING)
Don't fight it, Neej. Fear is the mind killer.
Oh.
There you are. Hello, me. Nice to see you.
Ah...
Where are you, brother?
Rainbow. You're my pot of gold.
(GRUNTS)
(LAUGHING)
(GASPS)
(EXHALES)
Big, are you watching this?
If not, I'm gonna put it on one of my stories.
- You can change it now. - Hey, now, no white women for you.
(SIREN WAILING)
What's the matter, Big? What are you afraid of?
(GASPS)
(EXHALES)
IMAJENE: Big.
What are you doing?
Nothing, Grandma.
- Are you on drugs? - Oh. No, Grandma.
Don't lie to me. I can always tell when you've been lying.
Oh, no, I swear. I'm a good boy.
- I need some cigarettes, Big. - Okay. I can go get them.
You should quit smoking, though.
- You're gonna die from it. - Don't tell me what to do, shit-ass.
I know what you did.
You do?
You haven't been a shit-ass like your father.
No.
Wait, wait.
(SHUDDERS)
You know what I can do, don't you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. (SCREAMS)
(CHUCKLES)
(SIREN WAILING)
A little water to wake you up.
Yeah.
- What the fuck? - I'm awake. I'm awake too.
- That'll cool your mind down. - Is it over? Is it over?
- Is it over? - I seriously doubt that it's over.
I'm sure you probably just hit your first peak.
This is my brother's batch, and there is a lot of peaks.
But, you know, it's an up and down ride.
(CHUCKLES)
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
These are our friends.
The roots, the roots go deep.
The roots go deep.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I love it here. Oh, man.
Light. The light will help us grow.
(WHIMPERING)
It's no time for ceremony. Look at the flower. Look, look, look.
Look at that shine. Look at that.
Oh, wow.
Man, they dangle in sync.
Ah...
- This is life. - Holy shit.
- Hi, sky. - Hi, sky.
Sky is your friend.
Ah...
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I think I came.
I'm not gonna lie.
This is much stronger than my brother's last batch.
I don't do fucking drugs, you shit-asses.
Taking you all to fucking jail after this. You hear me?
MEN: (CHANTING) Ours. Ours. Ours.
I hear it too, if you're wondering.
(SHUSHES)
MEN: (CHANTING) Ours. Ours. Ours.
We are here.
Sons of grandsons, the old ones who settled this land.
This land, our birthright, our land.
- Our. Our. Ours. - Ours.
Holy fuck. These some strong-ass drugs.
No. This is real.
This is as real as it gets.
Do ye give ye seed for our land.
- Shit. I know what this is? - Ours. Ours. Ours.
White people.
I heard about this. I didn't think it was real.
It's the Order of the Midstreamers.
- A clan? - No. Okies, oil execs, politicians.
Secret society.
Said to believe they're the rightful heirs of all Indian Territory,
and all the mineral rights beneath the ground.
Few people went missing back in the day.
Sacrifice. Shit. They went dormant for decades now.
This doesn't look too dormant.
It looks like some sort of initiation.
- How do you know so much about this? - Well, shit. YouTubes.
Now, commence with the ritual.
No.
They're some fucking sick fuckers. Look at them.
With the blood of the earth,
let this seal the bond between us.
- For it is all ours. - Ours. Ours. Ours.
Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours.
- Fuckin' white people. - Fuckin' white people.
Why just the bodies?
If you've ever put your hand down the business end of a catfish,
you know to just cut the head off.
Imagine what it would do to...
- Cover me. - Where are you going?
I'm pretty sure there's a law against fucking fish carcasses.
Hey, hey, hey. Lighthorseman.
Take the masks off and put your hands in the air.
Now, you four get on the ground, you nasty fuckers.
- Everyone, masks off. - That's right, you degenerates.
This is Indian Territory. The Mvskoke Reservation.
- The fuck is wrong with you guys? - Is this part of the initiation?
No, shit-ass. This is real life and that's a tribal cop.
Which is barely a real cop. Sort of a kind of a cop.
I'm gonna put my real foot up your ass if you're not careful.
KENNY BOY: That's a burn right there.
You are making a big mistake.
Holy shit. Governor Wilson.
This some real Scooby-Doo shit. You nasty fucker.
You don't know what you're dealing with.
Fish fucking is what it looks like, scumbags.
Don't you have any reverence for nature and its peoples?
Water and land? The four-leggeds and the no-leggeds?
Our god has given us this land to do with
as we will.
Because the native will not.
He's too precious and too reverent.
The earth is a whore,
and it is our will to take her.
Yeah!
Shut your mouth, filthy fish fucker. Earth is not a whore.
Chill out.
If it was, you guys are paying for that.
- We're the pimp, you're going down. - Chill out. I got this.
- Drop it. - Huh?
Drop it. Drop it. Turn around.
Dumbass.
Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours.
Ours. Ours. Ours.
Cookie.
Little.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
- Where you coming from? - Toilets.
Just having a few cold ones?
- A few. - Yeah?
- You need a ride home? - Nah. I'm good.
I got a sober hand driving me home. Plus, I'm right down the road.
- All right. You get home safely, okay? - Will do.
BIG: Uh-huh.
(SONG PLAYING)
- He look buzzed up to you? - Yeah. He stumbled in and reeks.
Keep it.
Hey.
Damn it, Cookie.
(SIREN WAILING)
Be cool. Act sober.
Hey, Cookie.
Shit. I thought it was a real cop. Hang on, baby.
I'm not a good man, Kenny Boy.
- Nonsense. - No. I fucked up.
No.
- We didn't know they had security. - No, it's not that.
I failed some friends of mine.
(SOBBING)
- And I couldn't stop it, Kenny Boy. - You're only human.
I let two people die.
And I knew their whole families, Kenny Boy.
- Let it out. - Why? Why did they have to go...
- Those were my friends, Kenny Boy. - Let it out.
- Shut the fuck up. - You shut the fuck up.
Kenny Boy.
I owe you an apology.
- You don't owe me anything. - You're a good man.
Hey. Can I call you "brother"?
Um...
Yeah. But just don't tell any of my friends, okay?
GUARD: Hey. Who are... What the...
(GUNSHOT)
- What's going on? - KENNY BOY: I don't know.
What a surprise, Kenny Boy.
Yatahey, Deer Lady.
You been good?
No. But I'm trying.
Wait, wait, wait. Is this for real?
It's all real.
How'd you know I was in trouble?
Cookie told me.
You take care of yourself. You keep being good.
- Okay. - You too.
All right.
She's a good woman.
Dispatch, this is Big. Officer needs assistance, dispatch. Over.
This is dispatch. Where you at?
Dispatch, we're near Pretty Springs Lake,
probably a couple miles deep in the woods. Over.
Roger. Backup is on its way.
Does this mean I'm deputized, Bowa?
Shit, yeah.
But I ain't your uncle.
(CHANTING)
Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours.
Masks off. Hands up. You're all under arrest.
Get your sick ass over there.
Get up. Go, go. Back it up, back it up.
You see what you get, fish fuckers?
See what you get when you mess with shi kis and I?
Seriously? We were almost done. Potluck after this.
Potluck's canceled, boys.
Come on. When was the last time you were invited to a white people's party?
Do I look white to you?
- Yes. - Yeah, definitely.
- You kinda do, Kenny Boy. - Fuck off.
Arrest these nasty crackers.
A local Lighthorseman and a man he deputized
busted a little-known but mythologized secret society ceremony today.
Among their crimes, are assault on an officer.
Hey.
And more disturbing, fornicating with catfish,
which surely is a big crime.
Apparently, the Midstreamers stole a truck full of frozen catfish
that distributes to local restaurants.
(ALL GAGGING)
Hell no.
(CHANTING) Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours.
- Aho, Kenny Boy. - Aho, Big.
You're a good man.
I hope so.
Brother.
- Lucky I don't fucking take you to jail. - I'm still tripping balls.
Yep.
Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours. Ours.