'Sup, shit ass?
Hope you're doing good.
Just floating around in space.
Yup, things are real messed up around here.
There was a tornado in town.
Uncle Brownie stopped it, though.
He's been right acting up ever since.
Can you see me?
Bark if you can.
My Dad's OCD is on X Games mode.
Losing his socks, his favorite mug, his keys.
He thinks the Little People are fucking with him.
Damn...
Okay, that I'm actually not surprised about.
I'm not gonna bullshit...
Bear still talks to that spirit with the hard nips.
...and just picking on me and shit.
Cheese has been spending a lot of time with his Uncle Charlie,
which I guess is good.
The tornado winds picked up someone's horse
and dropped it off at Kenny Boy's.
Welcome to Burgled Cut's Salvage.
He's so beautiful.
And now he thinks frickin' Creator gifted it to him.
You're ours now.
And we're yours.
Big is still going on about his Bigfoot and catfish heads.
Bucky's been having problems with that... (SPEAKING NATIVE LANGUAGE),
per "uzhe".
Mose and Mekko got their bikes hustled.
I better not find out who took it.
Send him to the spirit world.
So they're on foot now.
Let's ride.
We can't even ride!
And Elora left with that bitch, Jackie.
She's like our sworn enemy now.
Fuck.
Bad part is, I think it's all my fault.
My GPS is fucked up.
Can you put it in your phone?
I've got a burner, no GPS.
Fuck.
Aho!
Thank you for your donation. Excuse me for my beauty now,
for I shall give you some ancient Native American wisdom here.
He who hoots with the owls at night
cannot soar with the eagles in the morning.
Do not watch two dogs get stuck together,
for if you do, you shall get pink eye.
These are ancient sayings from the heartbeat of Mother Earth.
Deposit more money now for more wisdom.
The fuck?
Bullshit machine.
Hey, you can't use that until you buy it.
I'm buying it.
Ah-ho!
Your friend Daniel's house.
Yeah. I'll take care of him.
Rent, I mean, if you...
What the hell are you doing here, man?
Hi there, young warrior. Good to see you.
Yeah, I was on my way to another appointment. A new client.
I saw you here looking all, all sad, like...
So I decided to stop by.
Why are you here? I thought you went to California.
I...
We were.
Fucking Elora Danan ditched me, man.
I'm actually glad to see you. I haven't really been feeling the best.
Yeah, bro, I'm sorry I can't hear your sad story right now.
I gotta go. I got this other client.
Fucker thinks he's a spirit. You know?
He did turn a storm but fuck, whatever. Everyone can do that.
So, I'll check you later.
Wait, you serious? No, come on, man.
You will literally invade my life whenever it's convenient for you, man.
And as soon as I'm seeking help, you just bail?
Okay. Um...
You got your sacred curlies in, right?
- My what? - Your sacred hairs!
Your man mesh. Your nest of creation?
Your he-muff, she-muff, they-muff down there?
See, long time ago, when our sacred hairs came in like that,
it meant that we weren't children no more,
and that we started working for the people.
You... You're acting like a kid, man.
We all had a job, we all had a role.
That's how we built strong nations.
Like, each a stitch in the great loin cloth of the people.
I don't even know what that means, man.
Fuck, I don't even know what it means.
I'm just making it up as we go along.
Why you asking me these questions? You weren't even my appointment today.
Fuck. Take responsibility for yourself, young warrior.
Carry on, my wayward son.
There will be peace when you're done.
Ah-ho.
I'm trying, man.
Oi!
Let's go, then.
Yeah. You see how Daniel's dad moved?
Yeah. I heard.
I think, bro, that it's all connected.
Man, you sound like you've been chilling with Big.
She sounds like Big.
Fuck no, I don't sound like Big.
Uncle Brownie told us, "Don't mess with bad medicine."
What do we do? Fucking mess with bad medicine.
Well, that was all you. Fucking cursed now.
Seems like it's just a bunch of coincidences.
Yeah.
I don't know. Elora taking off and ditching you.
Yeah, but I mean, maybe it's my fault she left, man.
Guys?
Maybe it's because she's fucking selfish,
doesn't give a shit about me. Not because of a fucking curse.
- Guys? - Yes, it is! It's all connected!.
- No, it's not, bro. - Guys!
What the fuck?
Hey, bro.
What the hell's going on?
Tearing it down.
Yeah, someone bought it last week.
What, you all live here or something?
No, it's like our secret hide-out.
Ain't no secret anymore, man.
Some Texas rancher bought it.
To build some sort of...
You know, mega church.
- For White folks. - And there's no curse.
Is this your shit?
Oh!
Hell, no. Daniel. Shit, you guys
- Fuck. - See, I told you, man. Fucking cursed!
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Kinda looked like some evil séance or some shit.
- What are y'all doing with it? - It's a memorial.
What's with the commodity cheese?
- Why're you asking so much questions? - Told you. Fucking cursed.
How the fuck do people read these things?
- The fuck. Hey, what's that light mean?
What the fuck?
Shit.
Fuck.
Man, your grandma's got a rezzy-ass car.
What the fuck do we do now?
Fuck.
WILLIAM KNIFE-MAN: Take a moment here to pray. I want to pray for you.
Ah-ho!
Creator, thank you for these sacred tater tots that my nephew, grandson,
Grandpa here, has given me.
Take care of his little heart like that and his cholesterol in that good way.
Ah-ho!
So does this mean I'm a holy man now?
Huh?
No, no, you're not a holy man.
I think I must be.
You're not.
What was Crazy Horse like?
Crazy Horse? Oh, man.
He was something. He was pretty awesome.
His eyes were like the Thunder Beings
looking at you, you know. Most people think
a warrior means to be all macho like that.
But no. Being a warrior means being in touch with your feminine side.
And Crazy Horse, he did that.
He was a true warrior, in touch with his man moon.
Most people don't remember that we once had a man moon.
Yeah. Bleed once a month. Happened every... Sacred time for us.
Crazy Horse was the last one of us to have a man moon.
- Hmm. - And then the white man took it from us.
He had a gimpy leg too.
About a foot shorter, he hobbled around. That's why he rode the horse.
I don't think you knew him.
No, I didn't really know him.
I mean, how do you really know somebody?
- But he was pretty girthy.
Three hundred pounds. Very stoic.
I wish I knew him more.
Holy men can't be having colonizer boobs on their wall.
I told you.
You're not a holy man, grandson, nephew, brother.
And you're not a regular spirit.
You're one of those backwards spirits.
Telling me Crazy Horse had a gimpy leg.
- He did.
- I'm a holy man now. - For fuck's sakes.
I'll have sacred duties.
Who's he talking to?
I think it's safe to say he's delusional.
Got to set a good example. Help others.
Uncle!
What? The director's cut of Big Trouble in Little...
I've never seen this one.
What the hell are you kids doing here?
We need help.
No. You caught me right in the middle of making myself a better man.
- What's that mean? - Means get the fuck out.
Okay? What the fuck you doing with that?
It was in the trash.
My mistake. Leave me alone.
Fuck it, let's just go in.
Shit's been fucked up, Uncle.
Curse I did fucking flipped on me.
Didn't it, bro?
We just need your help.
- You used bad medicine, didn't you? - White medicine.
I know you told me not to, but bitch had to go.
Well, you have to go back to whoever put on the curse and start there.
I told you, I don't mess with bad luck medicine.
You should really alphabeticize these.
What?
Just helps them easier to find. It's why you lost Big Trouble.
Well, I'll pay you some Sonics if you do it for me.
I can't read the small letters.
Worth it.
But you gotta let me watch this, though.
You got it.
Think he's gonna stop?
He's probably racist.
Looks creepy.
Nah, he's just white.
Hey, where you headed?
We're going to LA.
LA, huh? Wow!
I could get you as far as Amarillo.
I'm going to that big white cross with Jesus.
I'll ride up front.
I'm sorry it's messy. I haven't had a chance to clean.
- You guys don't mind messy. - It's fine.
Do you want some Flamers?
- I'm good. - You want some?
They're my favorite.
I'm fine.
You guys are young, you don't like Flamers?
I'm Victor.
I'm Janet.
I'm Jackson.
Really? Janet and Jackson?
All right. Well, straight up now, tell me,
do you want to hear some jams
pumped into the car here and hit the road?
This is a good song. It's by a singer named Pat Green.
It's not a classic country song.
I like my country more modern.
Not the stuff that's stuck in the honky tonks.
I need it on the main stage to really understand it. This boy is from Dallas.
Can't argue with a Texan. Listen to that voice.
Good voice, a great body.
That's an entertainer.
The full package.
I was looking for somebody
All I'm living for is you
Came upon me wave on wave
I one time heard an old man singing this song at karaoke,
and I just fell in love with it. That's how I remember it.
Sadly, this reminds me of myself a little bit.
"I wandered out to the water, to see if I'd drown.
"I just know I'm going down." That part. That part reminds me of me.
I think it's like he wrote it for me.
I'm a salesman, I travel all over.
I sell art.
Framed and matted art by painters like Monet and van Gogh.
Those are famous painters. Prints, of course. Not the real thing.
Those are hard to come by.
Kind of like a good friend.
I have a son.
I don't know him very well.
Another man raises him.
I'm still thinking about when he was in diapers and...
Now he's in roller skates, jean shorts.
You know, all the things teenage boys do and wear.
So you know how teenage boys are.
Right? You're two teenage girls.
Surely, you must have met some boys along the way.
Uh, why did you turn?
- Hey, I asked you a question. - Hmm?
Why did you turn?
There's just a gas station a little further up the road.
Looks like your tank's half full.
You never know. Once we hit the panhandle,
could be a while before we hit another gas station.
You don't wanna get stuck with me, do you?
Where the fuck are you taking us?
- Yeah, we're in the middle of nowhere. - Just calm down.
- Hey, we asked you a question. - Relax. No.
- Lock. - What the fuck?
Hey, no swearing.
- I'll kick you in the fucking face... - Calm down.
- ...if you don't pull over. - Don't get razzed.
- Pull over! - Oh, my God.
What the fuck are you doing? Stab him! Stab his ass!
Oh, my God!
- You bitches!
- Fucking bitches. You stupid... - I fucking warned you!
Get the fuck out, you backstabbers!
I tried to help you! I tried to help you!
Fuck.
Our bags.
Our fucking money. Fuck!
Fuck.
Got a couple bucks.
Well, if one of you were handy, you could take a look at my beer cooler.
I'm no maintenance man.
Shit. Turn it down.
These shitasses. Where's your uncle?
He's a holy man now.
Yeah, right. And I'm a sex worker in Paris.
Tequila with a little lime, right?
Yes, you remembered.
And you're still too young, asshole.
Came to talk to you.
I need you to undo what you did.
What I did? You mean what you did.
Come on, man. Whatever fucking Hogwarts shit
you got up your sleeve's been causing it for all of us.
The curse came back on us
and is freakin' biting all of us in the ass right now.
Well, I can't help that. That's not my problem.
Quit being cheap, my bro's fucking sad panties
and my hair is falling out like...
Where's your Gandalf stick or your wand?
We need to UNO reverse-card this shit.
I'm just the intercessor, the conjurer.
- The shaman. - Yeah.
Do either of y'all have jobs?
No.
Job would straighten you out.
You wouldn't be going on and on talking about curses and shit.
What's your job?
- You're looking at it. - Drinking?
No. Disability, shitass.
You need a job. A real job. You hear me?
All right.
Give me back that hair then.
I wish I could, but I don't got it no more.
I don't just keep vials of hair laying around my house.
Let's go, bro. This wizard's cooked.
Told you.
You're gonna need a more powerful wizard than me.
Like a level five.
But I heard most of them are dead.
And a J-O-B wouldn't hurt.
- This is a waste of time. - Kinda sound like my dad.
Yeah, and that's where I met Bethany.
She was at the wild onion dinner. She was the only white woman there.
Well, that white woman is stupid if she don't take this handsome man back.
Dang.
You think she'll like it?
Hell, yes.
- Hey, young blood. -'Sup?
- Hey. - Hey...
I know you. Who's your dad?
You know his dad. You used to snag around with him. Little braids.
Ennit. Little Braids. Dang, boy. I was almost your mama.
Where's he at these days? Jail?
He's in California.
Aw!
Just all dadless, ennit? It's okay.
Your mom will find another one.
What you kids want? Need a trim, niece?
We need more of Jackie's hair. You know, for the curse we did.
What hair? I don't be giving out hair. You crazy?
- You gave us hair last time. - Hair for a curse.
I don't be giving out hair.
Are you trying to scare all my customers?
But you did... You gave us some hair.
I believe I will just sweep up my own hair.
Yeah. You know, if you two are putting a curse on someone, take it from me.
That bad medicine will come back on you hard.
Fuck, I know. Trying to undo it. That's why we're here.
But I told you, I don't be giving out hair for curses.
Go on, acting like I'm a witch.
You good, bro?
Hey. Here, put these in your pocket.
Why?
We're gonna break that curse.
Let's go, then.
You need something from the person that you cursed, something personal.
It doesn't have to be hair. It can be anything.
Her Auntie Bev's. She might have something.
Let's go there, fuck.
Okay, then. So, where's this Auntie Bev's?
Fuck, I don't even know.
She works at IHS.
Yeah, fuck.
What's wrong with him?
He's got daddy issues.
I ain't got daddy issues.
Hey, we all got daddy issues.
You stabbed that fool in the arm.
Yeah, I guess I did.
Fucking stabbed him up.
You don't think he's gonna like, die or anything, do you?
It was just his arm. I might have broke that fucker's jaw.
But I warned him though.
This catfish is shit.
Yeah, it's got nothing on Rob and Cleo's.
Your friend Daniel...
It wasn't that long ago, was it?
About a year ago.
He was cool.
Coolest.
My brother died.
He was cool, too.
Bethany kicked me out again.
Try this.
Huh. Man Moon.
"Am I the problem?"
Mabel Post Oak? Mabel Post Oak?
Let me get this straight.
Hold on. My bro Cheese is texting me.
You took her hair...
You got a White Wizard to put a curse on her.
You didn't think it would work, but it did.
And now you need a hair clip or something to break the curse.
Yep.
Yeah.
What's your address? You know what? Don't even tell me. I know your mom.
Your dad works here. I'm going to refer you to...
drug court.
I hate this place.
Bye.
What happened?
She's ain't gonna help us.
Man, Willie Jack. There's no curse, bro. It's just kids' shit.
Can we go eat some catfish?
I'd help you if you did a curse.
I'm sure there were six extra frames when he exploded.
Your friends coming to pick you up?
I don't got no extra seat on the lawnmower.
They're almost done. Bucky's with them.
- Bucky? - Yeah.
He's knowledgeable about this stuff. He's really smart.
Might even be a wizard himself.
Where are you going?
Turn it off! Let's go.
Bucky doesn't know what he's doing. He'll make it worse.
Thought you said you didn't have an extra seat.
Can we pull over?
For real. Can we pull over, please?
Why? Gotta take a shit?
Damn! What you doing now?
Oh, my God.
Willie Jack, I support you.
I just gotta go, man. I'm sorry.
- Fuck. - He gonna be okay?
Just all alone now. Fuck.
String theory explains this.
You know, every element of our bodies
was made inside an exploding star.
We just borrow stardust until we die,
and then we return it for something else to use.
We're like vibrating strings, you know.
Notes of the cosmos.
And each and every one of them
have their own part of the song.
Take away one part and that song changes,
but the song never dies.
Got any Shotgun Willy then?
Sure, on the left.
No bars.
The fuck are we gonna do?
We could steal a car.
Steal a car?
It's easy.
Most folks leave their keys in their cars anyways.
Especially these bumpkins.
Let's go.
Hey, let's start with this one.
Are you sure?
Didn't you steal a chip truck before?
Yeah, but this is kind of fucking different.
It's the same. Come on.
- Gotta be here. - Fuck, hurry up.
Got it, come on.
Hey, get the fuck outta here!
Someone's breaking into the car.
Shit! Bail.
Guys, someone's breaking into the car.
- Go, go, go! - Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
Run!