MILLIE, I JUST STOOD UP TOO FAST.
WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU BACK TO THE HOSPITAL
TO SORT THIS OUT--YOU BASICALLY HAD A HEART ATTACK.
I HAD AN EVENT, AND THE EVENT IS OVER.
I DIDN'T REALIZE I WAS SO UPSET.
YOUR MOM SPENT EVERY OUNCE OF HER ENERGY MAKING THIS DREAM
HAPPEN FOR YOU AND OTHER KIDS LIKE YOU.
I'M PREGNANT.
OH.
SO--UM...
WHO?
- RYAN. - RIGHT.
RIGHT.
HOW?
- WHAT? - UH--
IN THE-- HE WAS IN THE HOSPITAL.
- YEAH, HE WAS. - OKAY, RIGHT.
HOW LONG? HOW FAR ALONG?
LIKE TWO MONTHS.
SO YOU'RE KEEPING IT?
I KNOW IT SEEMS CRAZY.
I KNOW IT'S CRAZY, BUT I--
- YOU'RE KEEPING IT. - I WANT TO KEEP IT.
- YEAH. - I WANT TO--IT'S MY--
I THINK IT'S RIGHT.
GOOD.
I THINK IT'S RIGHT.
GOOD.
[phone buzzes]
HEY. EVERYTHING OKAY?
HEY. AM I CATCHING YOU AT A BAD TIME?
NO. I JUST CAME INTO THE OFFICE EARLY.
OH, SORRY.
YEAH, I WAS JUST THINKING WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT,
YOU KNOW, THIS E-MAIL FROM SYD'S TEACHER.
I DIDN'T SEE IT. WHAT'S UP?
WELL, EVIDENTLY,
THERE'S SOME SORT OF GIRL DRAMA GOING DOWN AT SCHOOL.
I TALKED TO SYD ABOUT IT.
SHE SAID THERE'S THIS NEW GIRL THAT'S BEEN PICKING ON HER.
- OH, NO. WHAT? - YEAH.
WELL, BELIEVE ME, I WAS READY TO GO
KICK SOME LITTLE GIRL'S BUTT.
BUT ACCORDING TO SYD, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
MRS. REESE PROBABLY JUST WANTS US TO KNOW SHE'S ON TOP OF IT.
BUT SHE DOES WANT TO SEE US, THOUGH.
OR, YOU KNOW, ONE OF US.
JUST SCHEDULE IT. I'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT. I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.
THANKS.
EVERYTHING OKAY?
HERE'S YOUR BREAKFAST.
- NO. - YUMMY, YUM, YUM.
OKAY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THAT.
- EGGIES ARE READY. - I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
- HERE, BABY. - 'SCUSE ME.
HERE, NORA. MMM, THEY'RE HOT, SO BE CAREFUL.
- YOU GOT A PHONE CALL. - WHO IS IT?
- EMILY MILLER. - THAT'S EDGAR'S MOM.
WHY IS SHE CALLING AT THIS HOUR?
I HAVE NO IDEA. PROBABLY BECAUSE
YOU GAVE YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO EVERY SINGLE PARENT
AND TOLD THEM TO CALL AT ANY HOUR.
ONE SECOND, HOLD ON. YEAH, I CAN TALK. THE EGGS.
HOLD ON.
- ALL RIGHT. - YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
AH, MAX. WANT YOUR EGGS?
I CAN'T TALK ABOUT EGGS RIGHT NOW.
WHY NOT?
BECAUSE I'VE DECIDED ON AN ART ELECTIVE.
YOU HAVE? HALLELUJAH.
FINALLY. WHAT'S IT GONNA BE?
- PHOTOGRAPHY. - NO, PHOTOGRAPHY IS NOT AN OPTION.
YOU RUN THE SCHOOL. MAKE IT AN OPTION.
WE CAN ABSOLUTELY ADDRESS THIS.
TECHNICALLY, YOUR MOTHER RUNS THE SCHOOL.
YOUR PROBLEM IS OUR PROBLEM.
THEN SHE SHOULD MAKE IT AN OPTION.
THERE ARE YOUR EGGS. HONEY, I GOT TO GO.
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
JUST WAIT ONE SECOND. I WILL DISCUSS THIS WITH MY HUSBAND RIGHT NOW.
I GOT A MEETING I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.
THANK YOU, OKAY. BYE, EMILY.
OKAY, EDGAR'S NUTRITIONIST WANTS TO TAKE HIM OFF CASEIN
AND GLUTEN.
OKAY. WELL, I'M GLAD SHE CALLED US AT 7:00 A.M. TO TELL US THAT.
WELL, SHE HAD TO, BECAUSE IT REFLECTS IN HIS SCHOOL LUNCHES,
WHICH WE HAVE TO HELP MANAGE.
- GOOD LUCK WITH THAT. - NO, PLEASE.
CAN YOU PLEASE DO ME A FAVOR?
NO, NO, NO, NO, I CAN'T.
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA ASK YOU.
I DO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GONNA ASK ME.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE GONNA ASK ME TO CALL THE LUNCH VENDOR,
AND I'M SLAMMED TODAY ALREADY. I GOT TO GO.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT YOU'RE SO GOOD AT IT.
ONLY BECAUSE I DON'T ASK THEM TO DO CRAZY THINGS,
LIKE TAKE ALL THE CASEIN OUT OF ONE KID'S LUNCH.
- IT'S "CASE-IN." - IT'S "CAY-SEEN."
- WHY DID WE FOUND THIS SCHOOL? - TO BE A FASCIST INSTITUTION.
TO MEET THE NEEDS OF EVERY STUDENT.
IT'S NOT FASCIST.
IT'S CAPITALISM.
- NO, THAT'S FASCISM. - IT'S ALL WE CAN AFFORD RIGHT NOW, OKAY?
THREE ELECTIVES.
YOU FOUNDED CHAMBERS ACADEMY TO MEET THE NEEDS OF EVERY STUDENT.
MY ARTISTIC NEEDS ARE NOT BEING MET.
I DON'T WANT TO INTERFERE WITH THIS STUDENT-HEADMASTER
CONFERENCE, SO I'M GONNA TAKE OFF.
I LOVE YOU. I'LL SEE YOU.
SO YOU'LL CALL THE VENDOR?
I'M LATE.
I GOT TO GO. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
YOU'RE GONNA DO IT. [door closes]
GUYS, TAKE A SECOND AND ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MOMENT.
DON'T LET IT PASS YOU BY.
YOU'RE ABOUT TO LAY DOWN YOUR DEBUT TRACK
ON HALLOWED GROUND,
IN A PLACE WHERE LEGENDS WERE MADE OF SONGWRITERS,
WHERE ICONS WERE MADE OUT OF SINGERS. OKAY?
YOU'RE SITTING, RIGHT NOW,
WHERE JANIS JOPLIN ACTUALLY RECORDED.
WHO'S JANIS JOPLIN?
YOU KNOW WHAT, OUT OF MY STUDIO.
GO ON AND JUST GET OUT.
I'M JUST KIDDING. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
IT'S YOUR MOTHER'S FAULT. LISTEN TO ME.
GUYS, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SING IN YOUR NORMAL VOICES.
THE MICS WILL PICK IT UP. JUST REMEMBER YOUR MOTIVATION,
WHICH IS? BE CUTE--
ESPECIALLY YOU, MAX--
AND WISH YOUR GRANDFATHER A VERY, VERY HAPPY 72ND BIRTHDAY.
WE SHOULD RECORD HIS BIRTHDAY SONG WITH A FULL BAND.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, WHEN HE TURNS 80, WE'LL DO THAT,
THE WHOLE THING. ANY QUESTIONS?
CAN YOU SIGN A FORM STATING THAT THIS COUNTS AS MY ART ELECTIVE?
THAT'S ABSURD. I CANNOT DO THAT.
THEN I AM NOT SINGING.
- HERE WE GO, FIVE, SIX... - I'M NOT GONNA SING.
SEVEN, EIGHT...
all: ♪ I CAN CHANGE THE WORLD
♪ WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS
♪ MAKE A BETTER PLACE
♪ WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS
♪ MAKE A KINDER PLACE
♪ WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS
OKAY.
YOUR DIAGNOSTICS SHOW MULTIPLE BLOCKAGES.
BUT I STILL DON'T THINK THAT'S WHAT CAUSED YOU
TO COLLAPSE.
I ALSO SAW SOME SIGNIFICANT MITRAL REGURGITATION.
NOT AN IDEAL SITUATION.
GUYS, WE SPENT THE LAST TWO YEARS
WORKING WITH JUST DIET AND MEDICATION.
YEAH, BUT HE COULD STILL DO A LOT BETTER WITH THE DIET.
OH, I KNOW. YEAH, I MEAN, BUT I QUIT CIGARS. THAT'S A BIG DEAL.
AND THAT'S GREAT.
BUT EVEN WITH THE PERFECT DIET, IT'S JUST NOT GONNA BE ENOUGH.
I'M AFRAID IT'S TIME TO TALK ABOUT SURGERY.
OH, MAN.
SEE, SURGERY WAS ALWAYS A LAST OPTION IN YOUR OPINION.
IT IS. AND IT'S TIME TO SERIOUSLY CONSIDER IT.
THIS WAS NO BIG DEAL.
I MEAN, WAS SHORT OF BREATH.
I STOOD UP TOO FAST. THAT'S ALL.
NO. YOU WERE JUST LUCKY.
LUCKY YOU WEREN'T ALONE WHEN IT HAPPENED
AND LUCKY IT WAS JUST A CLEAN FALL.
LELAND, IT WAS NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.
ZEEK, THIS WILL HAPPEN AGAIN.
AND IF YOU'RE DRIVING WHEN IT DOES,
OR YOU SMACK YOUR HEAD ON THE PAVEMENT WHEN YOU FALL,
THEN, MY FRIEND, BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU.
♪ WHEN WE WERE YOUNG WE WERE SMALL ♪
♪ BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW IT
♪ AH-AH-AH
♪ WHEN YOU WERE HURT YOU WOULD SMILE ♪
♪ SO YOU DIDN'T SHOW IT
♪ AH-AH-AH
♪ AND I
♪ CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE MINE
SO, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
I'M THINKING THAT LELAND WOULD LIKE TO BUY HIMSELF
A NEW VACATION PLACE IS WHAT I'M THINKING.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I'M THINKING WE NEED TO HAVE A CONVERSATION.
- UH-HUH. OKAY. - YEAH.
- THERE YOU GO. - NO, I'M DRIVING.
NO, I'M DRIVING. I'M DRIVING.
GOSH.
TAKE AWAY MY DRIVING PRIVILEGES, MY GOD.
BUT HE WAS IN A FULL BODY CAST.
I DON'T REALLY WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE DETAILS
AS MUCH AS YOU APPARENTLY DO.
- WE WERE THERE. - WE WEREN'T THERE.
- WE WOULD'VE HEARD SOMETHING. - WHY WOULD WE HAVE HEARD THEM?
WE WERE IN A HOTEL, LIKE, A MILLION MILES AWAY.
YOU KNOW, HE WAS ATTACHED TO A HEART MONITOR.
THAT WOULD'VE BEEN GOING OFF.
LOOK, ALL I KNOW IS THAT MY DAUGHTER'S PREGNANT.
AND SHE WAS SO SCARED TOO. SHE WAS SO SCARED TO TELL ME.
AND I JUST FROZE.
I-I BET SHE DREAMED OF THIS WONDERFUL MOMENT
WHERE SHE TELLS HER MOM THIS EXCITING NEWS,
AND I TOTALLY LET HER DOWN.
I JUST SAID, "OH."
HE WAS IN TRACTION,
YOU KNOW. MAYBE THAT HELPS.
OH, MY GOD, IT'S NOT THE POINT.
I KNOW. I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.
HOW DO YOU...
HOW DO YOU REALLY FEEL ABOUT IT?
I THINK...
I THINK IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I FEEL.
SHE NEEDS ME.
- HEY, CROSBY. - WHAT?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO THE 11:00 A.M.
OLIVER ROME THING BY YOURSELF.
I GOT TO GO, ALL RIGHT?
WHAT, ARE YOU PUTTING SCHOOL AHEAD OF LUNCHEONETTE AGAIN?
YOU CAN'T DO THAT, MAN.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT THE LUNCHEONETTE.
THIS IS ABOUT OUR FATHER.
I HAVE TO GO TALK TO OUR DAD.
- FOR WHAT? - HE'S A STUBBORN ASS.
MOM SAID HE WON'T EVEN CONSIDER HAVING THE SURGERY.
- WHAT SURGERY? - HIS HEART SURGERY,
TO CORRECT HIS MITRAL REGURGITATION; I GOT TO GO.
YOU'RE SAYING THAT LIKE I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
I NEVER HEARD THAT.
HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?
DAD'S HAVING HEART SURGERY?
HE'S REFUSING TO HAVE THE HEART SURGERY.
I THOUGHT MOM TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS.
MOM DID NOT TELL ME ABOUT THIS,
WHICH IS THE PATTERN OF BEHAVIOR
WHERE SHE TREATS ME LIKE THE BABY,
AND SHE HIDES THIS KIND OF MEDICAL SITUATION.
CAN WE NOT MAKE THIS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW? THIS IS SERIOUS.
HOW WOULD I KNOW IT'S SERIOUS? NOBODY'S TELLING ME A THING.
OKAY, I GOT TO GO.
TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU GO!
YOU CAN'T BE IN THAT BIG OF A HURRY!
THE CARDIOLOGIST WANTS TO DO A CORONARY BYPASS
AND A MITRAL VALVE REPLACEMENT, OKAY?
THAT'S OPEN-HEART SURGERY.
YES, I KNOW, AND THAT'S WHY I'M GONNA GO TALK TO HIM.
- WELL, HE'S GOT TO DO IT. - YEAH, HE IS GONNA DO IT.
I'M GONNA MAKE HIM DO IT. I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM.
YOU'RE GONNA STAY HERE.
- I'M GOING WITH YOU. - I DON'T NEED YOU TO COME WITH ME.
YES, I'M COMING WITH YOU. IT'S OUR FATHER.
HE'S GOT YOU WRAPPED AROUND HIS LITTLE FINGER.
HE'S GONNA TRY AND GET YOU TO FLIP TO HIS SIDE.
YOU'LL DO IT IN TWO SECONDS.
- THAT IS NOT TRUE. - IT IS TRUE.
THAT IS NOT TRUE. I WILL BE THE HAMMER.
YOU'LL BE QUIET. I WILL DO ALL THE TALKING.
HEY, JIM. HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE HERE--
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
YES, THIS IS THE E-MAIL I SENT YOU ABOUT EDGAR MILLER
AND THE CASEIN AND--
- DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? - THIS IS OUR CONTRACT, YES, FOR THE CHAMBERS ACADEMY.
CORRECT AGAIN.
WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? THAT WAS REALLY RUDE.
WHY ARE YOU BREAKING THINGS?
EVERY SINGLE DAY THERE'S SOME CRAZY NEW REQUEST FROM YOU.
NO GLUTEN, NO DAIRY, VEGETABLES ONLY, MEAT ONLY.
I CAN'T MAKE INDIVIDUALIZED MEALS FOR 40 KIDS.
OKAY, BUT YOUR COMPANY IS CALLED SELECT LUNCH.
YOU EVEN HAVE IT ON YOUR EMBLEM. YOU HAVE AN APPLE.
YOU HAVE A CARROT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
PLEASE, JIM, CAN YOU JUST HELP ME FOR THIS WEEK?
THAT'S IT.
- I JUST CAN'T WORK WITH YOU. - I CAN WORK WITH YOU.
I'M DESPERATE HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT, FINE, LEAVE.
I WILL FIND SOMEBODY ELSE THAT WILL HELP ME.
THAT CARE-- THAT CARE ABOUT CHILDREN.
OH, I DON'T CARE ABOUT KIDS, HUH?
AND THEIR INTESTINAL TRACT AND HOW THEY FEEL.
- IS THAT RIGHT? - YOU SHOULD JUST LEAVE THEN.
YOU'RE CAUSING A SCENE. I WILL FIND SOMEBODY ELSE
THAT WILL DO INDIVIDUALIZED MEALS.
- I'M CAUSING A SCENE? - YOU'RE CAUSING A SCENE.
HEY, KIDS, LOOK UP.
EVERYBODY, NO GLUTEN-FREE, NO CASEIN,
ZUCCHINI-KALE SANDWICHES. HOW ABOUT THAT?
WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY REVIEW ON YELP.
YEAH, THAT'LL HURT.
IT'S GONNA HURT...YOU.
[door slams]
SORRY, KIDS.
HE MUST EAT TOO MUCH GLUTEN.
OR CASEIN. WHATEVER.
SO I GUESS YOU TOLD MY HUSBAND, JOEL,
THAT THERE'S BEEN SOME PLAYGROUND DRAMA.
WELL, WHAT EXACTLY DID SYDNEY SAY HAS BEEN HAPPENING?
JUST THAT SYDNEY'S BEEN, YOU KNOW, PICKED ON A LITTLE BIT.
WHICH I UNDERSTAND. IT HAPPENS.
YOU KNOW, JEALOUSY OR WHATEVER.
MR. AND MRS. GRAHAM, I'M NOT SURE YOU HAVE A CLEAR PICTURE
OF WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
MELODY IS THE GIRL SYDNEY WAS TALKING ABOUT?
- MM-HMM. - SYDNEY HAS ZEROED IN ON HER.
SHE'S BEEN QUITE AGGRESSIVE ABOUT EXCLUDING HER.
- UH... - SORRY, UH...
SO SYDNEY'S PICKING ON MELODY?
I KNOW THAT KIDS WILL BE KIDS AND ALL OF THAT,
BUT WHEN IT COMES TO MATTERS OF BULLYING--
BULLYING?
WHAT HAPPENED?
IT STARTED WHEN ONE OF SYDNEY'S FRIENDS
INVITED MELODY TO EAT LUNCH WITH THEM.
SYDNEY WOULDN'T ALLOW IT.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, SHE WOULDN'T ALLOW IT?
MELODY IS A LITTLE ON THE HEAVY SIDE,
AND SYDNEY SAID THAT MELODY SHOULDN'T EVEN BE EATING LUNCH.
NOW SHE'S TELLING EVERYONE NOT TO SPEAK TO HER.
AND YOU SAW THIS?
YES.
AS YOU CAN IMAGINE, MELODY IS...
WELL, SHE'S DESPONDENT.
HER PARENTS KEPT HER HOME FROM SCHOOL YESTERDAY,
SHE WAS SO UPSET.
I'M...I'M--S--
THIS IS NOT--THIS IS NOT HOW OUR DAUGHTER BEHAVES.
I'M--I'M--
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
IF THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON AT HOME
THAT I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?
- NO. - IT'S BEEN A... A TOUGH YEAR.
YOU KNOW, EVERY FAMILY HAS ITS TROUBLES, BUT WE'RE FINE.
WE'RE CURRENTLY SEPARATED.
AND I THINK THE KIDS ARE A LITTLE BIT RATTLED BY IT.
- I KNOW HOW TOUGH THIS MUST BE. - YEAH.
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BRINGING THIS TO OUR ATTENTION.
WE WILL DO OUR BEST TO HANDLE IT.
IT WAS REALLY NICE MEETING YOU, MS. REESE.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU HAVE NOT SEEN A BETTER SIDE OF SYDNEY,
BECAUSE SHE'S A GREAT GIRL.
THANK YOU.
- JULIA, WE NEED TO TALK. - YEAH, UM...
I'M WORKING WITH THE KIDS TONIGHT
ON GRANDPA'S BIRTHDAY PRESENT,
SO WE CAN TALK TO HER TOMORROW NIGHT.
NO, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT SYD.
WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT US, ABOUT WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH.
THIS IS CLEARLY A REACTION TO THAT.
- YOU THINK? - YEAH. YEAH, I DO THINK.
- YEAH. - THIS IS NOT LIKE HER.
NO. JOEL, THIS IS NOT LIKE HER, AT ALL.
YOU KNOW WHAT, MOVING OUT
AND GIVING UP ON ME WAS NOT LIKE YOU...AT ALL.
COME ON.
COME ON, STAY AND TALK WITH ME, PLEASE.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I BEGGED YOU FOR A YEAR JUST TO TALK TO ME AND TELL ME
WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON,
AND YOU REFUSED TO DO THAT, AND THAT BROKE ME.
AND I'M ALMOST OKAY.
SO YOU CAN'T COME OVER AND TALK TO ME ABOUT MY DAD.
YOU CAN'T KISS ME. OKAY?
YOU CAN'T PRETEND LIKE YOU DIDN'T DESTROY ME,
BECAUSE YOU DID.
YOU DESTROYED US, ALL OF US.
I KNOW. I'M SO SORRY.
OKAY, WELL, I'M GONNA BE OKAY.
I CAN HANDLE IT.
I DON'T KNOW IF THE KIDS CAN.
REMEMBER THE KEY WITH DAD, BE DIRECT.
CONFRONT THAT PROBLEM HEAD ON. ATTACK IT.
OKAY. THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE.
AND THIS GUY, DAD, WHAT'S HIS FIRST NAME?
- ALL RIGHT. - 'CAUSE YOU ACT LIKE I'VE NEVER MET THE GUY OR--
I'M JUST SAYIN, DON'T LET HIM START TALKING. HE'LL GET IN YOUR HEAD.
DON'T LET HIM START PLAYING MIND GAMES WITH US.
OKAY, HE'S NOT A MAGICIAN OR A HYPNOTIST.
- CAN YOU CHECK THAT E-MAIL? - YEAH, KB.
- WHO'S KB? - KRISTINA BRAVERMAN, YOUR WIFE.
OH... [phone ringing]
- OH, SHE'S CALLING. - OKAY, PICK THAT UP.
OKAY, HONEY, PLEASE DON'T ASK ME ANY QUESTIONS.
I'M IN A REAL PICKLE. I'M IN A REAL BIND RIGHT NOW.
MY FOOD VENDOR JUST QUIT ON ME, AND I'VE GOT 40 KIDS TO FEED.
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M GONNA DO.
WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE FOOD VENDOR?
- HE JUST QUIT... - THE FIRST THING SHE SAID WAS NO QUESTIONS.
HOW DO YOU STAY MARRIED? IT'S A MIRACLE.
AND I NEED YOU TO PICK UP 40 HOT LUNCHES FOR THE KIDS
AND JUST BRING THEM HERE. JUST BRING THEM HERE.
NO. NO CAN DO.
I CANNOT GO TO WHOLE FOODS. WE'RE GOING TO TALK TO MY DAD ABOUT HIS SURGERY.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
THIS IS LIKE A DEFCON FIVE SITUATION HERE, ADAM.
DEFCON FIVE IS ACTUALLY THE GOOD ONE.
IS THAT CROSBY?
DEFCON ONE-- IT'S COUNTERINTUITIVE.
- YES, THAT'S CROSBY. - YEAH.
WHATEVER IT IS, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
I JUST NEED HELP. HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT,
MAYBE-- COULD CROSBY GO TO YOUR DAD'S AND TALK TO HIM?
- YES, HE CAN, ABSOLUTELY. - NO, HE CAN'T!
- THAT WOULD BE WONDERFUL. - KRISTINA, IT'S ALL GOOD.
HE'S GONNA GO OVER TO WHOLE FOODS.
HE'LL GET ALL THESE DIETARY REQUIREMENTS MET,
AND I WILL HANDLE MY FATHER, AND THANKS FOR CHECKING IN.
OKAY, YES! OKAY.
OH, YOU'RE REALLY HAPPY WITH YOURSELF NOW, AREN'T YOU?
WE'LL JUST SEE HOW WE HANDLE THIS.
DON'T EVEN WORRY.
KNOCK, KNOCK.
HOW ARE YOU?
- I'M ALL RIGHT. - YEAH?
- HOW'S IT GOING? - I FEEL LIKE I WAS IN SHOCK,
AND I DIDN'T DO A GOOD JOB NOT BEING IN SHOCK.
BUT I'M EAGER TO HEAR MORE ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
WHAT YOU AND RYAN HAVE PLANNED,
OR HOW YOU'RE GONNA WORK IT OUT.
OH, UM...
I-I DON'T KNOW.
I HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT THAT.
HE DOESN'T KNOW. HE DOESN'T KNOW?
NOT YET.
I JUST SORT OF STARTED TELLING PEOPLE AND EVERYTHING. SO I HAVEN'T REALLY--
'CAUSE I GUESS THAT WOULD BE
A BIG PIECE IN TERMS OF IS HE INVOLVED?
DOES HE WANT TO BE INVOLVED,
FINANCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY?
RIGHT.
JUST ANOTHER PERSON TO HELP, YOU KNOW.
YEAH, I JUST DON'T KNOW YET, THOUGH.
I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT I--
IT'S A WEIRD THING WHERE YOU ARE ONE PERSON,
AND THEN SUDDENLY... YOU'RE TWO PEOPLE.
YEAH, I UNDERSTAND THE MATH OF IT.
- AND THAT PERSON NEEDS YOU. - MM-HMM.
SO THERE IS SOME PLANNING THAT HAS TO HAPPEN.
I JUST FEEL LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY
THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DO IT, SO MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST SAY IT.
AMBER, IT'S NOT THAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO THIS.
- REALLY? - IT'S THAT I WISH YOU WEREN'T DOING IT NOW.
THERE IT IS, OKAY.
I FEEL LIKE YOU'VE BARELY HAD TIME TO WORK AND BE IN LOVE.
AND I DO FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE NO IDEA
HOW HARD SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS TO DO BY YOURSELF.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA, AND I DO.
AND IT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T BELIEVE IN YOU.
I JUST--
OKAY. GOOD TO KNOW.
LET'S GO, LET'S GO, LET'S GO. COME ON, HONEY.
LET'S GO. THESE KIDS ARE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.
- OH, BOY, DOES MY WALLET HURT. - THEY'RE FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.
HOW MUCH DID ALL THIS COST?
TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
ALL RIGHT, LOOK AWAY. LOOK AWAY.
CRAP, I CAN'T. HOW ARE WE GONNA AFFORD THAT?
I HAVE NO IDEA.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT LATER.
THEY'RE STARVING. THEY'RE READY TO EAT EACH OTHER.
WE'LL GET THE REST IN A SECOND.
CAN YOU GET THE DOOR?
OH, COME ON, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, GEEZ!
- WHAT'S THE SCORE? - ZERO-ZERO.
HEY, DO YOU WANT A SODA OR SOMETHING?
- YOU GOT ICED TEA? - YEAH, I GOT ICED TEA.
YEAH, I WANT ICED TEA.
OKAY.
- THANK YOU, SIR. - THAT'D BE ICED TEA.
UH-HUH, UH-HUH.
GOOD. GET IN A LITTLE BREAK.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? HOW COME YOU'RE HERE?
CAN'T A YOUNG MAN JUST COME BY AND SAY HI TO HIS FATHER?
MM-HMM. YOUR MOTHER CALLED YOU, DID SHE?
UH, SHE DIDN'T, AS A MATTER OF FACT,
WHICH WAS PRETTY ANNOYING AND CONSISTENT.
I HAD TO FIND OUT SECONDHAND ABOUT YOUR SURGERY FROM ADAM.
- REALLY? - WHICH I HATE.
WAIT A MINUTE. HOLD ON A SEC, WHOA.
[game plays on radio]
SEE, I GOT MY EYE ON THIS KID HERE.
- UH-HUH, YEAH. - HE DIDN'T GET A LOT OF HITS,
BUT HE GETS ON BASE A LOT.
RIGHT.
IT'S OKAY. LET IT GO.
DAD...
LET IT GO. EASY DOES IT.
- DAD. - YEAH.
CAN WE TALK ABOUT IT?
WELL, THERE'S NOT REALLY MUCH TO TALK ABOUT, CROS.
IT'S ELECTIVE SURGERY, AND I HAVE ELECTED NOT TO HAVE IT.
OKAY. WELL, ADAM MADE IT SOUND PRETTY SERIOUS.
WELL, ADAM'S A WORRIER
AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND SO IS YOUR MOM.
AND THAT'S WHY THEY GET TOGETHER,
SO THEY CAN WORRY EACH OTHER OUT.
ALL RIGHT, WELL, TO BE HONEST, I'M PRETTY WORRIED TOO.
IT'S YOUR HEART.
I MEAN, THIS MITRIAL GURGLE-- MARTRIAL GASTRAL--
NO, NO. CROSBY, DO YOU EVEN KNOW
WHAT MITRAL REGURGITATION IS?
NO, I DON'T.
OKAY.
IT'S A SMALL LEAK IN THE HEART VALVE, ALL RIGHT?
A LOT OF PEOPLE WALK AROUND WITH IT,
DON'T EVEN KNOW THEY'VE GOT IT.
MM-HMM.
THE DOCTOR SAID I COULD'VE HAD IT FOR YEARS,
AND I NEVER FELT ANYTHING.
AND HE SAYS THE OTHER THING ABOUT IT IS,
IT'S NOT GONNA KILL ME.
ALL RIGHT? THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN,
I'LL HAVE ONE OF THOSE FAINTING SPELLS LIKE I HAD IN VEGAS.
I MEAN, AND HOW BAD WAS THAT, REALLY?
SO IT WAS FINE, WASN'T IT? LOOK, SON--
YEAH, YOU LOOKED ALL RIGHT, I GUESS, THE NEXT DAY.
HERE'S THE DEAL.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE A FAINTING SPELL LIKE THAT
THAN GO IN AND HAVE OPEN-HEART SURGERY OR WHATEVER THE HELL,
CRACK OPEN MY CHEST AND WORK ON ME AND JUST TAKE MY CHANCES.
I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT. WHAT CHOICE WOULD YOU MAKE?
A FAINTING SPELL, OR TAKE THAT RISK?
PROBABLY FAINTING, IF THAT'S ALL IT REALLY WAS.
YEAH, SAME HERE.
YOU'RE SURE?
HONESTLY?
I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER FELT BETTER.
[TV chatter]
THIS IS ABSURD. I CANNOT FIND A SINGLE VENDOR
WHO WILL MAKE INDIVIDUAL MEALS FOR THESE KIDS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO. I REALLY DON'T.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY BASEBALL PLAYERS AREN'T PAID
ACCORDING TO THEIR STATS.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
ARE YOU LISTENING TO ANYTHING I'VE BEEN SAYING
FOR THE PAST FIVE MINUTES OR...
I'M JUST SAYING, YOU CAN DO IT.
- YOU WEREN'T LISTENING. - I WASN'T LISTENING.
YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.
HONEY, I'M FAILING ON ALL FRONTS, I REALLY AM.
IT'S LIKE, WHO DO I THINK I AM, OPRAH?
I CAN OPEN A SCHOOL AND HAVE IT BE GREAT.
- YOU'RE NOT FAILING. - HONEY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO ABOUT ANY OF THIS.
I JUST--I'M WORRIED.
WHAT'S ALL THAT?
THIS IS JUST SOMETHING I THOUGHT ABOUT.
IT'S STUPID. I THOUGHT MAYBE THAT WE COULD,
YOU KNOW, HIRE SOMEONE.
WE COULD BRING IN THE FOOD, AND HAVE SOMEBODY
JUST COME IN AND COOK. YOU KNOW?
- TELL YOU WHAT. - WHAT?
- HERE'S WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. - YES.
I NEED YOU TO MAKE ME A LIST OF EVERYTHING
WE NEED IN THE SCHOOL KITCHEN.
I'LL GO TO COSTCO AND PICK IT UP TOMORROW.
IT'S GONNA BLOW THE BUDGET FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK.
NOT IF WE ELIMINATE THIS COLUMN RIGHT HERE.
THAT'S OUR WHOLE-- THAT'S, LIKE, A COOK.
- RIGHT. - AND TWO ASSISTANTS.
- EXACTLY. - WE NEED THREE, REALLY.
PERFECT, BECAUSE WE WILL HAVE FOUR, AND THEY'LL WORK
FOR FREE AS A PART OF OUR NEW CULINARY ARTS ELECTIVE.
IT'S "CULINARY," BUT WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S "KEWL-INARY" ARTS.
- IT'S "CULINARY," ADAM. - WE'RE GONNA HAVE THE KIDS
COME IN AND COOK WITH ME IN THE KITCHEN.
- THAT'S CRAZY. - IT IS CRAZY.
IT'S NO CRAZIER THAN SAYING THAT GLUTEN CAUSES TANTRUMS.
RIGHT?
OKAY, OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, GUESS WHAT, I'M GONNA SIGN OFF ON THIS.
THANK YOU.
I WILL REGRET IT, BUT I'M SIGNING OFF ON THIS.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA REGRET IT. - YES, I WILL.
PIZZA FOR DINNER--I'M THINKING HALF BACON, HALF PEPPERONI.
SOUNDS GOOD. MAX, I HAVE GOOD NEWS.
WE'VE HEARD YOUR COMPLAINTS,
AND WE'RE ADDING A NEW ARTS ELECTIVE.
- IT BETTER BE PHOTOGRAPHY. - "KEWL-INARY" ARTS.
"CULINARY" ARTS.
♪ WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS
♪ MAKE A BETTER PLACE
WE DON'T SOUND VERY GOOD.
YOU GUYS ARE NOT THE JACKSON 5.
THAT IS FOR SURE.
BUT YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST BAND TO NEED A LITTLE HELP,
AND WE HAVE A SECRET TOOL CALLED AUTO-TUNE.
PUT YOUR FINGER THERE AND GO AHEAD AND SLIDE IT UP AS I...
[voices change] [gasps]
OOH!
THAT'S SWEETENS IT, DOESN'T IT?
NOW WE SOUND GOOD.
OOH, THAT SOUNDS-- THAT'S HARMONIOUS.
THIS IS THE POWER.
YEAH, THAT'S THE SECRET OLIVER ROME SAUCE RIGHT THERE.
DON'T TELL HIM, THOUGH.
YEAH. HOW OLD IS GRANDPA?
UH...HE'S TURNING 72.
IS THAT OLD?
WELL, IT'S NOT YOUNG.
BUT, YOU KNOW, HE'S A BULL.
HE'LL DEFINITELY MAKE IT TO 80.
GOOD, 'CAUSE I CAN'T WAIT TILL WE DO IT WITH A FULL BAND.
HMM.
WELL, NOT TOO SOON.
- MAX, WATCH OUT, WATCH OUT. - MOVE IT.
- GUYS, CAREFUL. - MR. BRAVERMAN.
MR. BRAVERMAN, IS THE CHICKEN READY YET?
NOT YET. LET IT SIT THERE A LITTLE BIT.
HOW DO I TURN ON THE STOVE? HOW DO I TURN ON THE STOVE?
WE'RE NOT GONNA TURN THE STOVE ON YET. IT'S A LITTLE BIT TRICKY.
NO, NO, I LIKE FIRE.
- MR. BRAVERMAN. - ONE SECOND, KIARA.
YOU CAN FLIP IT IN A MINUTE BUT NOT YET, NOT YET.
MR. BRAVERMAN, THIS ONE'S NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE ANY GLUTEN.
- RIGHT. - WHAT'S GLUTEN?
GLUTEN, IT'S A SUBSTANCE IN FLOUR.
IT'S A PROTEIN COMPOSITE FOUND IN WHEAT.
- THERE YOU GO. - ALSO, THIS IS NOT ART.
THIS IS SLAVE LABOR.
- MAX. - YOU CAN BE ARRESTED FOR THIS.
- I THINK THE CHICKEN'S READY. - ONE SECOND.
YES, IT'S READY TO FLIP. YOU CAN FLIP IT.
OKAY, LET'S NOT LIGHT THE STOVE RIGHT NOW.
DAD, WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS TURKEY?
HOW DO I COOK IT?
WE'RE NOT COOKING THE TURKEY. YES?
[Max] DO I PUT POTATOES INSIDE OF THE--
IS THE CHICKEN READY TO FLIP YET?
MR. BRAVERMAN, ERIN HAS A KNIFE.
OH, GOD. OKAY, ONE SECOND.
NO, NO, ERIN, ERIN, NO, NO, NO.
JUST LET ME TAKE THE KNIFE. EVERYBODY'S OKAY.
WE'RE ALL GOOD.
WE'RE GOOD. THAT'S GOOD, OKAY.
CHICKEN'S LOOKING GREAT, EDGAR.
THANK YOU.
[doorbell]
HEY, SYDNEY, CAN YOU COME DOWN HERE FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?
- HEY. - HEY, READY?
WELL, YEAH. IS SHE...
WHY IS DAD HERE?
BECAUSE WE WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING TOGETHER.
SO, UM...HAVE A SEAT.
SO WE HEARD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH MELODY AT SCHOOL.
MM...I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
MRS. REESE TOLD US THAT, UH...
THAT YOU WEREN'T TOO NICE TO HER, THAT YOU SAID SOME THINGS.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
I DON'T THINK SHE'D MAKE IT UP, BUG.
MY TEACHER IS A LIAR. SHE HATES ME.
SYDNEY, LISTEN.
WE'RE NOT MAD, ALL RIGHT?
WE WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
IF ANYTHING, WE'RE WORRIED,
AND WE WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT.
- I'M NOT UPSET. - OKAY.
SYDNEY, LISTEN. WE'RE JUST CONFUSED.
WE'RE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT.
WHY ARE YOU BOTH GANGING UP ON ME?
- WE'RE NOT GANGING-- - WE'RE NOT GANGING UP ON--
WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? YOU DON'T EVEN LIVE HERE ANYMORE.
DON'T TALK TO YOUR FATHER LIKE THAT.
SYDNEY.
WE WANT TO HELP YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU'RE UPSET ABOUT.
I'M NOT UPSET.
OKAY, CALM DOWN.
NO, I DON'T WANT TO CALM DOWN.
WHY DON'T YOU GO BACK TO YOUR TERRIBLE APARTMENT?
I HATE YOU! I HATE BOTH OF YOU!
[door slams]
ALL RIGHT.
THAT LOOKS GOOD, HONEY.
ALL RIGHT. THIS IS INSANE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY DAD IS TURNING 72.
I KNOW. IT'S CRAZY. [phone rings]
- WHO'S THAT? - IT'S EDGAR'S MOM.
- DON'T ANSWER THAT. - HONEY, I HAVE TO ANSWER IT.
WHAT IF IT'S IMPORTANT?
OH, IT IS IMPORTANT. SHE'S GONNA COMPLAIN
THAT I USED HER SON AS SLAVE LABOR.
PLEASE, I'M BEGGING YOU, DON'T ANSWER IT.
OKAY.
I CAN'T DEAL WITH IT. NOT TONIGHT.
- I WON'T ANSWER IT. - OKAY, THANK YOU.
- OHH... - HEY.
THE TRUSSELMEN CLAN IS HERE.
- HI, GUYS. - WHERE'S THE BIRTHDAY BOY?
YOU'RE THE FIRST ONES TO ARRIVE.
- ALL RIGHT. - WHAT'S UP?
WE'RE THE NERDY FAMILY, FIRST HERE.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. - WE'RE GONNA BE THE LAST TO LEAVE.
- HOW ARE YOU? - WELL, WE HAD AN EPISODE ON THE WAY HERE.
THE CUTEST MEMBER OF THE FAMILY CRAPPED HERSELF.
JASMINE.
JASMINE CRAPPED HERSELF.
IT SMELLS REALLY BAD. I'M SORRY.
- MY BAD. - IT'S BAD. I WILL TAKE YOU UPSTAIRS.
I HAVE SOME CLOTHES OF NORA'S YOU CAN BORROW.
YEAH. I COULD HARDLY TELL.
WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE CAR WITH US.
JABBAR, COME ON, I HAVE TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
- OKAY. - YEAH, MOVE IT.
72. IS THAT-- THAT'S THE RIGHT NUMBER?
- YEAH. - I JUST SAW HIM,
AND HE DOESN'T LOOK A DAY OVER 50 IF YOU ASK ME.
TOUGH TO BELIEVE.
HEY, I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR HANDLING THE SITUATION WITH DAD.
OH, YEAH, NO PROBLEM. HAPPY I COULD--
I HAVE TO ADMIT, I WAS A LITTLE DOUBTFUL YOU WERE GONNA BE ABLE TO HANDLE HIM.
- OH, YOU WERE? - YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO GET HIM OVER THE HUMP
AND TALK HIM INTO THE SURGERY,
BUT GOT THAT TEXT SAYING "ALL GOOD."
IT WAS A BIG RELIEF.
YE--UM--I THINK WE MIGHT HAVE A DIFFERENT IDEA
OF WHAT "ALL GOOD" MEANS.
- SUGAR-FREE... - WOW...
GLUTEN-FREE, NO CHOLESTEROL.
IT'S A COMPLETELY HEART-HEALTHY ALTERNATIVE
TO THE CHOCOLATE BIRTHDAY CAKE.
IT'S BEAUTIFUL, JULES.
- WELL DONE. - I TRIED THE FILLING.
IT SUCKS.
SYDNEY.
I SPENT A LOT OF TIME WORKING ON THAT.
SO WHAT? IT'S STILL DISGUSTING.
- OKAY. - RRROW!
SO SHE'S... GOING THROUGH A THING.
- YEAH. - YOU KNOW.
- IT'S THAT AGE. - YEAH.
IT'S SO--YOU KNOW, IT'S NORMAL.
GIRLS ARE WAY MORE DRAMATIC THAN BOYS.
THAT IS FOR SURE, FOR SURE.
- THANK YOU. - SURE.
UNCLE ADAM AND UNCLE CROSBY ARE YELLING AT EACH OTHER.
- BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T HANDLE IT. - ACCORDING TO YOUR GAME PLAN.
YOU LET DAD STEAMROLL YOU, LIKE ALWAYS.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN RESPECTING SOMEONE'S WISHES
AND GETTING STEAMROLLED.
WHAT'S HAPPENING? WHAT'S HAPPENING?
HE WANTS TO MICROMANAGE DAD'S ILLNESS FOR HIM,
JUST LIKE EVERY OVER THING IN THIS FAMILY.
CROSBY DOESN'T THINK DAD HAS TO HAVE HIS SURGERY.
CROSBY, HE HAS TO HAVE THE SURGERY.
OH, WHAT A SHOCKER. YOU TWO ARE IN--
SEE, JULIA GETS IT.
WHAT WERE YOU TALKING TO HIM ABOUT IT FOR?
I THOUGHT YOU HANDLED THIS.
I HAD AN EMERGENCY.
I COULDN'T DO IT.
- WHAT WAS THE EMERGENCY? - A BIGGER EMERGENCY THAN THIS.
YEAH, THE EMERGENCY WAS ANNA NEEDED BROCCOLI FOR LUNCH.
SHE COULDN'T EAT A YAM OR SOMETHING.
- SHE HAD A GLUTEN PROBLEM. - OH, A GLUTEN PROBLEM.
THAT'S UP THERE WITH HEART FAILURE.
- YOU JUST MADE THIS... - WE NEED TO SOLVE THIS.
- HARDER FOR EVERYBODY. - WE NEED TO SOLVE THIS.
WE NEED A STRATEGY IN PLACE, BECAUSE--
LOOK, IT'S AN ELECTIVE PROCEDURE.
YEAH, IT'S AN ELECTIVE PROCEDURE,
BUT HE'S NOT GONNA ELECT TO DO IT, BECAUSE HE'S AFRAID.
DON'T YOU GET THAT?
GREAT.
ANYBODY GONNA WISH ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
- HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD. - HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
GUESS WHO WENT TO THE GIANT SALE AT THE PARTY STORE.
THIS GUY.
I GOT SO MUCH STUFF, YOU COULD HAVE ALL OF YOUR KIDS' PARTIES
FOR THE NEXT, LIKE, 50 YEARS.
THEY'RE HAVING A--HEY. OH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.
HERE, YOU PASS THESE OUT.
THEY WERE HAVING A SALE ON HATS AND HORNS.
I GOT LEIS.
WE COULD HAVE, LIKE, A HAWAIIAN THEME PARTY.
TAKE A--ANYONE?
GUYS, THEY GOT FESTIVE COLORS.
OH, HERE, DAD. I GUESS YOU'RE THE BIRTHDAY BOY.
AND SO...WHAT IS GOING ON?
[jazz music playing]
SO IT TRACKS HOW MANY STEPS YOU'VE TAKEN.
YOU CAN PRESS A LITTLE BUTTON, AND IT'LL TELL YOU
HOW MANY STEPS YOU'VE TAKEN AND ALL KINDS OF THINGS.
- THAT'S PRETTY AMAZING. - NO, ADAM, I NEED TO ANSWER IT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA STAY STRONG FOR ME.
IT'S EDGAR'S MOM. I AM STAYING STRONG, OKAY?
EDGAR'S A KID THAT WE USE AS SLAVE LABOR.
ADAM DID, ACTUALLY. HEY, EMILY.
- SHE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW THIS. - IT'S LIKE A HEALTH GAME.
- IT'S FUN. - I DON'T KNOW.
I WANT ONE, RIGHT? THEY'RE FUN.
OKAY. WELL, YOU CAN USE THIS ONE.
OF COURSE.
OKAY, I'M GONNA GO CHECK ON THE GRANDKIDS.
I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOUR MESSAGE YET.
THERE YOU GO. I'M NOT GONNA EVEN MEASURE MY STEPS.
I'M JUST GONNA COUNT 'EM TO MYSELF.
MY FATHER-IN-LAW'S BIRTHDAY PARTY,
AND HE'S ACTUALLY NOT IN THE BEST OF HEALTH RIGHT NOW.
HE'S SO STUBBORN.
- I'M SORRY, WHAT? - NOTHING.
HE'S SO STUBBORN.
MOM, YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.
WELL, WE'RE TALKING.
BUT THIS IS HIS BIRTHDAY.
I JUST WANT HIM TO HAVE A NICE PARTY.
OKAY. WELL, I GUESS WHAT WE REALLY
NEED IS BIRTHDAY CAKE.
WE NEED BIRTHDAY CAKE.
- YES. - OKAY.
I'LL HELP YOU WITH THE CANDLES.
THANK YOU. MAX?
HEY, CAN YOU HOLD HER?
OH, UH, YES. OKAY, SURE.
YOU GOT HER? YOU GOT HER?
- HI. I DO. - GOOD, GOOD.
- FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. - DAD.
OH, GOD, THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME--
- DAD? - [groaning, muttering]
I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME, DAD.
GEEZ.
HUH? OH, YOU GOT TO SPEAK UP, SON.
YOU KNOW I GOT BAD EARS. I'M JUST A FRAIL OLD MAN.
[gasps]
WILL YOU COME ON? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WELL, I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING WITH MEAT IN IT,
BECAUSE IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, AT MY BIRTHDAY PARTY,
EVERYTHING IS MOSTLY MADE WITH LENTILS OR TOFU.
YEAH, I KNOW. EVERYBODY'S WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
REALLY? WELL, I'M KIND OF WORRIED ABOUT ME.
ARE YOU? DOESN'T SEEM LIKE IT.
IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU'RE DEALING WITH THIS.
IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE YOU'RE TAKING IT SERIOUSLY AT ALL.
OH, NO, SON, I AM TAKING THIS VERY SERIOUSLY.
WELL, THEN YOU SHOULD DO IT. YOU SHOULD HAVE THE SURGERY.
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
IT IS THAT SIMPLE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT COULD HAPPEN? I COULD DIE ON THAT TABLE.
I KNOW.
AND I ALSO KNOW IT'S A 95% SUCCESS RATE
FOR THIS SURGERY, 95%.
THOSE ARE REALLY GOOD ODDS.
- ARE THEY? - YEAH.
GEEZ, I'M GLAD YOU'RE WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK.
COME ON. I AM WILLING TO TAKE THE RISK.
I DON'T LIKE THE ALTERNATIVE.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT MY DOCTOR TOLD ME?
MY DOCTOR SAYS THAT,
YOU KNOW, IF THE SURGERY DOESN'T GO WELL,
I THINK HE PUT IT VERY POETICALLY WHEN HE SAID,
"YOU'D HAVE A DIMINISHED QUALITY OF LIFE."
IT'S STILL A LIFE.
NOT ONE I WANT.
IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE SURGERY, YOU COULD DIE.
YOU COULD DIE, DAD. WHAT DO I DO THEN?
IF I DIE, YOU JUST TAKE MY ASHES,
YOU SCATTER THEM IN CENTER FIELD AT MARINE PARK,
AND YOU PLAY A GAME OF BASEBALL OVER ME...
'CAUSE I'M GOING OUT ON MY TERMS.
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR DAD ♪
♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
- HEY. - HI.
HEY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M GETTING AWAY FROM THE STUPID FRUIT TART,
THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
ME TOO. [sniffles]
CAN I SIT DOWN? YOU SURE?
OH, BOY.
OH, DEAR.
THIS ISN'T ABOUT MY HEART CONDITION,
IS IT?
I'M PREGNANT.
ARE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN ME?
OH, BABY, NO.
AMBER... [laughs]
OH, SWEETHEART.
IT'S INCREDIBLE. IT'S WONDERFUL.
IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING IN THE WORLD.
YOU GET TO HOLD YOUR... YOUR CHILD.
IT'S MAGIC.
I'M GONNA BE A GREAT-GRANDDAD.
[both laughing]
I'M GONNA BE A MOM,
WHICH IS CRAZY.
- SHOULD SOMEBODY GO OUT THERE? - NO, NO. LET HIM BE.
- HEY. - GRANDPA'S BACK.
- HI. - WANT SOME...FRUIT TART?
- UH, I'M GONNA... - [laughs] OKAY.
- I'LL TELL YOU LATER.
- DAD. - HI.
JUST TRY A SLICE OF FRUIT TART.
IT'S A MARTHA STEWART RECIPE.
SHE PROMISED ME YOU WOULDN'T EVEN MISS THE GLUTEN.
OH! OH, MY GOD. THAT TASTES VILE.
YEAH, THAT'S, LIKE, BLAND-VILLE.
- DOES IT REALLY? - WHAT STORE DID THIS COME FROM? YOU BOUGHT IT?
- NO, NO. - I MADE IT.
HOW COME UNCLE CROSBY'S ALLOWED TO SAY IT, AND I'M NOT?
BECAUSE YOU WANT TO BE MATURE.
I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT GLUTEN IS,
BUT I WOULD LIKE MARTHA TO KNOW I DO MISS IT.
IT'S REALLY NOT, YOU KNOW, THAT BAD.
KIND OF--
[both laughing]
I'M SORRY.
STOP LYING TO ME.
[Zeek laughing] OKAY...
YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD YOUR BIRTHDAY SONG YET.
A BIRTHDAY SONG?
I GET A BIRTHDAY SONG? HERE.
THANK YOU FOR EATING IT.
LET ME HEAR IT.
BRAVERMAN ORIGINAL PRODUCTION HERE.
♪ I CAN CHANGE THE WORLD
♪ WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS
WHO'S SINGING THIS?
THIS IS US. UNCLE CROSBY HELPED US MAKE IT.
- DO YOU LIKE IT, GRANDPA? - DO I LIKE IT?
I LOVE IT.
GOOD. 'CAUSE WE'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN WHEN YOU TURN 80.
DAD SAID WE COULD USE A REAL BAND THEN.
THAT'LL BE FUN. I CAN SELL THE CDs AT SAFEWAY.
COME ON. THERE IT IS.
YEAH! GET IT, ZEEK!
♪
[singing fades]
[whimsical acoustic guitar]
♪
HI.
SERIOUSLY, IT DOESN'T FREAK YOU
OUT WHEN PEOPLE JUST SHOW UP IN YOUR DOORWAY?
GOD, MOM, IT'S REALLY LATE
FOR ANOTHER BIG DISCUSSION, ISN'T IT?
I'M KIND OF TIRED.
- ARE YOU FEELING OKAY? - YEAH.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU SOME...
PICTURES I WAS GOING THROUGH.
WHO IS THAT?
HELLO! IT'S THIS LADY, MEMBER OF THE STRIPE CLUB.
OH, NO. LOOK AT THE THIGHS.
I'M SORRY I PUT YOU IN RUFFLES.
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THE HAIRCUT.
- IT WAS THE '90s. - WE DIDN'T HAVE A LOT OF MONEY.
WHAT WAS I GONNA DO?
- LOOK. - OHH!
DO YOU REMEMBER YOUR LINE FROM THE PLAY
WHERE YOU PLAYED A MAPLE LEAF?
- MM-MM. - YOU DIDN'T THAT NIGHT EITHER.
OOH. [laughs]
- "IT'S AUTUMN." - THAT WAS IT?
YEAH.
I FORGET WHAT MADE YOU LAUGH THAT HARD.
YOU WERE LAUGHING SO HARD.
LOOK AT THAT LITTLE CUTIE.
MOM.
I REALIZED...
I FORGOT TO TELL YOU ABOUT ALL THE GOOD STUFF.
I'M SO SCARED.
I KNOW. ME TOO. WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY.
YEAH?
YEAH. WE'RE GONNA BE OKAY.
THERE'S A LOT OF FOOD LEFTOVER.
THERE'S A LOT OF FOOD. AND BEAN DIP.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT I BOUGHT BEAN DIP.
THANK YOU.
BUT IT WAS A GOOD PARTY. YOU DID GREAT.
OH, YEAH, GREAT PARTY.
HONEY, IT WAS A GOOD PARTY.
I WAS GONNA WAIT TILL TOMORROW TO TELL YOU,
BUT I, UH, GOT A CALL FROM EDGAR'S MOM.
ALL RIGHT, LAY IT ON ME.
AND SHE SAID THAT EDGAR ACTUALLY CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL
AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED.
- TIME FOR ME TO LAWYER UP? - NO.
SHE ACTUALLY--SHE'S THRILLED.
- REALLY? - I KNOW.
IT'S CRAZY, BECAUSE OUR LITTLE PLAN WORKED.
HE HAD A GOOD TIME.
HE CAME HOME AND TOLD HER ABOUT THIS PIECE
OF CHICKEN THAT HE WAS COOKING.
AND HE WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS PIECE OF CHICKEN.
HE KEPT SAYING, "IT'S MY PIECE OF CHICKEN.
AND ADAM TAUGHT ME HOW TO COOK THIS PIECE OF CHICKEN."
AND SHE JUST FELT VERY GRATEFUL TO US,
BECAUSE IT WAS THE FIRST TIME, I GUESS, IN A LONG TIME
THAT SHE ACTUALLY SAW SOMETHING IN HIM THAT GAVE HER SOME HOPE.
- GOOD. - YEAH.
WOW. WELL, WE GOT LUCKY.
AND SHE THINKS THAT YOU ARE A GENIUS.
WELL, I DON'T THINK I'M A GENIUS.
NO, SHE SAID THAT. SHE SAID...
- KRISTINA...I'LL TAKE IT! - WHOEVER THOUGHT OF
BRINGING IN A "KEWL-INARY" ARTS--
THERE YOU GO.
- NO, SHE SAID THAT. - KEWLINARY.
- IT'S STILL "CULINARY." - IT'S NOT CULINARY.
A KEWLINARY ART FORM IS NOTHING SHORT OF GENIUS.
- IT'S PRETTY "KEWL." - "KEWL"?
YEAH.
OH, MAN.
THIS IS THE BEST NEWS I'VE HAD ALL DAY.
YES, IT IS. YOU DID A REALLY GOOD THING.
[Conor Oberst's Night At Lake Unknown plays]
♪
♪ IT DON'T TAKE MUCH IMAGINATION ♪
♪ TO SEE THE PICTURE FRAME
♪ WHEN I CAN'T SLEEP MY MIND IS A CIRCLE ♪
♪ I WATCH THE CEILING
HEY, IT'S ME. ARE YOU UP?
YEAH.
WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH SYD?
YEAH, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
YEAH, ME NEITHER.
♪ WHEN I LOST MYSELF
♪ I LOST YOU BY EXTENSION
♪ I DON'T KNOW WHO
YOU STILL THERE?
I'M STILL HERE.
♪ YOUR SILLY DREAMS
♪ AREN'T WORTH A MENTION
♪ BUT THEY KEEP COLLECTING IN MY BRAIN ♪
HEY, HONEY. HOW COME YOU'RE STILL UP?
WELL, I'M ENJOYING THE LAST FEW MINUTES OF MY BIRTHDAY.
OH, I SEE.
[both chuckle]
♪ WHEN I BREAK MY HEART, I KNOW ♪
SIT DOWN A SECOND.
♪ I JUST WISH THAT KEPT ME ALIVE ♪
- UH-OH. - YEAH.
WELL, I HEARD SOME-- I HEARD SOME BIG NEWS TONIGHT,
AND I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A SECRET.
WHAT IS IT?
I SAID I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A SECRET.
OH, COME ON. WE DON'T KEEP SECRETS.
AMBER'S PREGNANT.
WHAT?
WOW.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS. AMBER CAN'T BE PREGNANT.
SARAH WAS JUST PREGNANT WITH AMBER.
GREAT-GRANDPARENTS.
- YEAH. - GREAT-GRANDPARENTS?
RIGHT.
YEAH.
♪ SEE IT ALL FOR WHAT IT IS ♪
♪ MOST ANYTHING CAN BE FORGIVEN ♪
I'M GONNA HAVE THE SURGERY, MILLIE.
♪ WITH WHAT IS LEFT WE'LL HAVE TO LIVE ♪
- OF COURSE. - YEAH.
♪ WITH WHAT IS LEFT, WE'LL HAVE TO LIVE ♪
- GOOD. - YEAH.
GOOD.
[dog barks]