- GO AHEAD. - ARE YOU SERIOUS?
- YEP.
IF YOU TELL YOUR MOTHER, YOU'RE DEAD.
- ALEX IS THE VOLUNTEER COORDINATOR HERE.
- OH, HI.
- I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
I'VE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR FIVE MONTHS.
AND I'M TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE RELATIONSHIPS,
ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS, JUST AREN'T GOOD FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
- OKAY, DREW, PAY ATTENTION HERE.
THIS IS, LIKE, A VERY IMPORTANT MAN LESSON, SEE?
IT'S PSYCHOLOGICALLY PURGING.
YOU GOT THE OLD, MISERABLE DISGUSTING OIL--
- YEAH, I CAN TELL.
IT'S KINDA LIKE POPPING A PIMPLE OR SOMETHING.
- UGH, MAN, YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA MY HEAD.
- WHAT IS GOING ON DOWN THERE?
- HEY! - NOTHING.
- WE'RE CHANGING THE OIL IN THE BEAST.
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT'S GONNA LOOK
IN A NOTE TO YOUR TEACHER.
"DREW WAS CHANGING THE OIL
IN A 60-YEAR-OLD TRACTOR THAT BARELY RUNS."
- YEAH, SHE'LL GET GOING THOUGH.
- YOU'RE A MESS. GO CHANGE YOUR SHIRT.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU WORK AT A GAS STATION.
- OH, MAN.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT SCHOOL.
I THINK--ARE THEY STARTING EARLIER?
- NO, DAD, SAME OLD REGULAR TIME.
- OH.
- SO, UM, WAS HE TALKING TO YOU?
- OH, YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I HAD TO TELL HIM TO SHUT UP.
- THANKS FOR SPENDING TIME WITH HIM.
- I LOVE HIM.
HE'S MY GRANDSON, YOU KNOW?
I LOVE YOU,
AND THE TRACTOR, AND I LOVE HIM.
- WHO COMES FIRST?
- TRACTOR. - OH, I KNEW IT.
- I'M GOING TO SCHOOL. I'LL BE HOME BY 10:30.
- WHOA, NELLY, 10:30 ON A WEEKNIGHT?
- OKAY, I'LL COME HOME AT 10:00. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING TONIGHT?
- TO A FRIEND'S HOUSE. GOD!
- WHOSE HOUSE ARE YOU GOING TO?
- JENNA'S.
- I DON'T KNOW-- - YES, YOU DO, MOM.
- OKAY. - OKAY, FINE?
CAN I GO?
- FINE. CALL ME.
- GREAT, THANKS. SEE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU. - BYE.
- SHE'S LYING.
- HADDIE'S LYING? - YOU THINK?
- YEP, I THINK SHE'S LYING.
I THINK SHE'S GOING TO SEE THAT BOY ALEX.
- WAIT A MINUTE, WE DON'T KNOW THAT SHE'S LYING.
- YOU KNOW, SHE NEEDS A CONSEQUENCE BECAUSE SHE LIED.
OKAY, IF SHE'S LYING, SHE NEEDS A CONSEQUENCE,
OR SHE'S JUST GONNA KEEP LYING.
I WOULD.
- HOW'S THAT OATMEAL?
- TASTES KIND OF MUSHY. - MMM.
DID YOU KNOW THAT OATMEAL IS WHAT THEY CALL PORRIDGE
IN FAIRY TALES?
OH, MY--WHAT?
NO.
OH, NO.
- OH, BOY.
- OH, BABE, DON'T TOUCH IT. OH!
- WHAT? WHAT? I GOT IT.
- IS IT HURT?
- I THINK IT'S STUNNED.
- WELL, WILL IT BE OKAY?
- YEAH, SWEETIE, IT'LL BE FINE.
HEY, YOU KNOW, IF YOU GO FIND A SHOE BOX,
I'LL MAKE A BIRD HOSPITAL.
IT'LL BE FINE, RIGHT?
- WE'LL SEE.
- OH, BABE, DON'T TAKE IT IN THE HOUSE.
- WHAT? - NO, IT'S NOT HYGIENIC.
- IT'S NOT HYGIENIC? - NO, IT'S NOT.
IT'S NOT STERILE.
- HI, MY NAME IS ALEX, AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
all: HI, ALEX.
- THEY SAY YOU HAVE TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM
BEFORE YOU CAN HUMBLE YOURSELF AND GIVE UP YOUR DEPENDENCE.
THEY ALSO SAY IF YOU GIVE UP THAT DEPENDENCE,
YOU START TO FEEL LIFE AGAIN.
AND I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT IT IS TRUE,
THAT PIECE BY PIECE, STEP BY STEP
YOU START TO FEEL YOUR LIFE COMING BACK.
NOW, I MADE A FRIEND.
AND SHE REALLY SHOWED ME THAT I HAD SOMETHING TO OFFER.
YOU KNOW, SHE SHOWED ME MY WORTH.
I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD MEET SOMEBODY
THAT WAS SO KIND AND UNSELFISH,
SO CARING.
SO I WANT TO THANK HER.
I WANT TO THANK MY SPONSOR.
I WANT TO THANK ALL OF YOU
FOR REMINDING ME WHAT I'M FIGHTING FOR.
SO THANK YOU.
[applause]
[melodic folk music]
- THANKS FOR COMING WITH ME.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO.
- I MEAN, THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME COME.
♪
UM...
YOUR FRIEND WHO YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT,
IT'S ME, RIGHT?
♪
- YES.
OF COURSE IT IS.
- ♪ AND I LIKE YOU
♪ I LIKE YOU
- I FEEL REALLY LUCKY.
♪
- ♪ IN MY HEART SHE'S ALL I SAW ♪
♪ I HANG ON
♪ TO THE HOPE
♪ YOU'RE NOT TOO LATE
♪ THAT YOU'RE NOT TOO LATE
♪
♪ MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALWAYS ♪
♪ AND MAY YOUR WISHES ALL COME TRUE ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS DO FOR OTHERS ♪
♪ AND LET OTHERS DO FOR YOU
♪ MAY YOU BUILD A LADDER TO THE STARS ♪
♪ AND CLIMB ON EVERY RUNG
♪ AND MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
♪ MAY YOU GROW UP TO BE RIGHTEOUS ♪
♪ MAY YOU GROW UP TO BE TRUE ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE TRUTH ♪
♪ AND SEE THE LIGHTS SURROUNDING YOU ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS BE COURAGEOUS ♪
♪ STAND UPRIGHT AND BE STRONG ♪
♪ AND MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
♪ MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
- [chuckles]
- HEY, JABBAR, WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR ROOM?
DID SOMETHING EXPLODE IN THERE?
- UM, NO. - NO?
DID YOU SEE HIS ROOM WHEN YOU WERE GETTING HIM DRESSED?
CLOTHES, TOYS, CRAYONS EVERYWHERE.
IT WAS A MESS.
- I DIDN'T NOTICE.
- JABBAR, YOU'VE GOT TO BE MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH YOUR THINGS.
PUT THEM AWAY WHEN YOU'RE DONE USING THEM.
- BUT I WASN'T DONE USING THEM.
- IF YOU'RE GOING TO BED, YOU'RE DONE USING THEM.
I NEED YOU TO GET UP RIGHT NOW,
GO IN THERE, AND CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM.
GET SOME DONE BEFORE SCHOOL. LET'S GO.
- I GUESS YOUR MOM WANTS YOU TO DO IT, YOU BETTER GO.
- "I GUESS YOUR MOM WANTS YOU TO"?
WHAT'S THAT? YOU SHOULD WANT HIM TO TOO.
AND, BY THE WAY, A SHRUG DOESN'T CONSTITUTE
HAVING MY BACK ON THIS.
- I DON'T THINK I SHRUGGED, BUT I DON'T--
- NO, YOU TOTALLY SHRUGGED.
- OKAY, WELL, I'M SORRY IF I DON'T THINK IT'S IMPORTANT
FOR A LITTLE KID TO CLEAN HIS ROOM.
I MEAN, HE'S A LITTLE KID.
IT'S JUST GONNA GET MESSY AGAIN.
- ALL RIGHT.
HE HAS TO LEARN RESPONSIBILITY,
AND THAT'S OUR JOB AS PARENTS TO TEACH HIM THAT.
- OKAY. - OKAY?
WE NEED TO BE ON THE SAME PAGE.
WE HAVE TO DISCIPLINE HIM.
I NEED YOU TO BACK ME UP ON THAT.
- OKAY. - OKAY?
WE'RE A TEAM.
- YOU KNOW, THIS IS GOOD,
BUT JUDGE GAINER'S A HARD ASS.
I NEED YOU TO FIND EVIDENCE
THAT THEY WERE ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN THE INFRINGEMENT.
- KNOCK, KNOCK. HEY, SORRY.
- HI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING-- WHY ARE YOU HERE?
SORRY.
OKAY, ANYWAY, YOU GOT THAT, RIGHT?
YOU'RE ALL OVER IT? - I'M ON IT.
- OKAY, YEAH, YOU SHOULD TAKE LUNCH ANYWAY.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- "HI, SARAH. GREAT TO SEE YOU.
ARE THOSE CUPCAKES? WHAT AN UNEXPECTED TREAT."
- ALL OF THE ABOVE.
AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?
- WELL, BECAUSE I HAVE SOME EXCITING NEWS,
AND I BROUGHT US SOME LUNCH. - OKAY, LET'S HEAR IT.
- I MADE A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION,
ONE I CAN REALLY KEEP. - COOL.
- I'VE DECIDED I AM NEVER GOING TO DATE ANYONE
EVER AGAIN.
- GOOD. - RIGHT?
BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE FUN THIS YEAR.
AND MY RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT FUN.
ERGO, TO WIT, DON'T HAVE ANY.
I'M USING A LITTLE LEGAL JARGON THERE FOR YOUR COMFORT.
- I NOTICED THAT.
- I'M GONNA DO FUN THINGS.
I'M GONNA GO TO MUSEUMS
AND, YOU KNOW, READ MORE.
I'M GONNA HAVE A GIRLS' NIGHT OUT WITH MY SISTER.
- [laughs]
- WHEN'S THE LAST TIME WE HAD A GIRLS' NIGHT OUT?
- I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW THAT WE'VE EVER HAD
A GIRLS' NIGHT OUT.
- COME ON, WOULDN'T IT BE FUN?
- YOU'RE ASKING ME TO HANG OUT WITH YOU,
IS THAT WHAT'S HAPPENING? - YES.
DO YOU WANT TO PARTY LIKE IT'S 1999 OR WHAT?
- OKAY.
IT'S KINDA MY 13-YEAR-OLD FANTASY COMING TRUE ACTUALLY.
- IT IS? DID YOU THINK I WAS SO COOL?
- YEAH. - AWW.
- WE GET TO HANG OUT? MY COOL OLDER SISTER?
- WELL, NOW I THINK YOU'RE COOL,
AND I REALLY NEED YOU AS A FRIEND.
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? - OKAY.
- GOOD. WE'RE GONNA HAVE FUN.
- YO, HOLT, CATCH!
WHAT UP? NICE CATCH.
- WHAT'S UP? HOW WAS YOUR BASEBALL CAMP?
- OH, DUDE, IT WAS AWESOME. - THAT'S GOOD.
HEY, GUYS. - WHAT'S UP, MAN?
- AND IT GOT ME AWAY FROM THOSE CRAZY RELATIVES,
WHICH I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER ABOUT.
- YEAH.
- SO WHAT DID YOU END UP DOING?
- I ACTUALLY SPENT TIME WITH RELATIVES.
- I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
- NO, IT'S FINE. MY GRANDFATHER'S COOL.
HE LET ME DRINK BEER AND STUFF,
AND WE JUST HUNG OUT.
- WAIT, SHH, WAIT.
YOUR GRANDPA LET YOU DRINK?
- OH, YEAH, TOTALLY.
HE ALWAYS HAS, LIKE, A CASE OF BEER IN HIS FRIDGE
IN THE GARAGE, AND WE GO BACK THERE.
- AND HE JUST LET YOU--
YOU GUYS JUST DRINK CASUALLY TOGETHER?
- YEAH. - THAT'S AWESOME, DUDE.
- IT'S SO RAD.
HIS GRANDPA'S GOT A BAR IN THE GARAGE.
I THINK THAT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FIELD TRIP.
- YEAH, IT DOES.
- WOULD THAT BE COOL,
IF WE CAME OVER AFTER SCHOOL
AND GOT SOME BREWSKIS?
- YEAH, TOTALLY.
- ROCK ON, MAN.
- HELL, YEAH. - PAR-TAY, YES!
- DUDE, AWESOME. - YEAH.
- THIS IS GONNA HELP YOU, LITTLE GUY.
WELL, CRAP.
OH, THAT'S DEAD.
OH, MAN.
- HOW'S AMELIA?
- OH, UH...
SHE--SHE'S GREAT.
SHE JUST, UH...
DRANK SOME WATER, AND NOW SHE'S, UM, SLEEPING.
- SHH, WE SHOULD BE QUIET THEN.
COME ON UP INTO MY ROOM AND PLAY.
- OKAY, GOOD IDEA.
- THERE YOU GO.
- YOU KNOW, YOU'D NEVER KNOW IT
'CAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS WEARING THAT GREEN DRESS THING,
BUT MISS WATSON IS SUPER HOT.
- MISS WATSON?
- YEAH, I SAW HER LAST SUMMER
PLAYING VOLLEYBALL IN BOOTY SHORTS.
SHE PULLS IT OFF.
- NAH, I'M ALL ABOUT MISS GONZALES.
- OH, THAT'S TRUE. - MUY BONITA.
- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- THEY SHOULD NOT LET 28-YEAR-OLDS TEACH SPANISH
TO HIGH SCHOOL DUDES.
EVERY TIME SHE ROLLS THAT "R" I CAN'T CONCENTRATE.
I JUST WANT TO GET, LIKE, RIGHT UNDER THAT TONGUE AND--
- [rolls tongue] - OH, GOD.
I WOULDN'T REALLY MIND BEING IN ONE OF THOSE
TEACHER/STUDENT SEX SCANDAL THINGS WITH HER.
- HELLO. - AMEN.
- YO QUIERO SEXO WITH MISS GONZALES.
- IS THAT EVEN SPANISH?
- YOU'RE FOOLIN', DUDE.
- HOW WOULD YOU CONJUGATE
"LET ME SEE YOU NAKED" IN SPANISH?
- I DON'T THINK THAT'S-- - I FAILED.
GONNA LET YOU ALL KNOW.
- YEAH, I THINK THAT WOULD BE,
"DEJEME POR FAVOR VERLE DESNUDO."
HOLA, AMIGOS.
- HOLA.
- HEY.
- SO GUESS WHAT, THE BAR IS NOW CLOSED.
I DIDN'T SEE ANY CARS IN THE DRIVEWAY.
SO YOU GUYS SHOULD BE WALKING HOME, CORRECT?
- YES, SIR. - YES, SIR.
- ANDALE. - OKAY.
- I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL, IN SPANISH.
- SORRY.
- HEY, GRINGO, YOU GOT MY BEER THERE.
- SORRY, SIR. LATER.
- GRANDPA, I'LL PAY YOU BACK FOR THESE IF YOU WANT.
- GRANDSON, WHEN I GAVE YOU THAT BEER AT THANKSGIVING,
THIS ISN'T WHAT I HAD IN MIND.
- I KNOW. I TOTALLY KNOW THAT.
- DREW, YOU LOOK AT ME.
YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD KID.
YOU DON'T NEED TO IMPRESS ANYBODY.
YOU HEAR ME?
- ALL RIGHT.
- AND I DON'T WANT THIS TO HAPPEN AGAIN.
ALL RIGHT? - OKAY.
- THE THING IS YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA BE IN THESE BOXES.
- WHY? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- EXCUSE ME.
PEOPLE WILL DONATE ANYTHING.
WE GOTTA GO THROUGH THESE BOXES AND FIGURE OUT
IF PEOPLE WILL ACTUALLY WEAR THESE CLOTHES.
- WHY, WHAT'S, LIKE, THE WEIRDEST THING
THAT YOU'VE FOUND?
- YOU KNOW, THIS RATES
UP IN THE TOP FIVE AT LEAST.
THIS IS HOT, RIGHT? - THAT'S DISGUSTING.
THAT'S DISGUSTING. - THIS SHOULDN'T BE IN HERE.
- WHAT'S THIS? THIS IS NOT CLOTHING.
THIS IS SO WEIRD.
- THIS SHIRT IS HORRIBLE.
LIKE, MY GRANDFATHER WOULD NOT EVEN--THIS STUFF IS HORRIBLE.
- HEY, DAD.
- HEY. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WELL, I WAS IN THE AREA, AND I WANTED TO STOP BY
AND SEE WHERE YOU'VE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH TIME.
- RIGHT.
- ALEX.
- ADAM BRAVERMAN.
- NICE TO MEET YOU, MR. BRAVERMAN.
- PLEASED TO MEET YOU.
- OH, YOU CAN JUST CALL HIM "ADAM."
- YOU HAVE A GREAT GIRL.
SHE'S BEEN A HUGE HELP TO ME AROUND HERE.
- WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
SHE'S A GOOD KID.
- OKAY, I WAS GONNA TAKE THE BUS HOME,
BUT SINCE YOU'RE HERE, WHY DON'T WE JUST GO NOW?
- OKAY. - I'LL SEE YOU.
- NICE TO MEET YOU, ALEX.
- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.
- SEE YA. - BYE.
- DAD. - SAY, ALEX?
I WAS WONDERING IF YOU'D LIKE TO COME OVER SOME NIGHT
FOR DINNER.
- DAD, HE'S REALLY BUSY HERE.
- ONCE SECOND.
- YOU KNOW, I'D ACTUALLY LOVE THAT.
- YEAH? - YEAH, A LOT.
- HOW'S WEDNESDAY? - WEDNESDAY WORKS.
- GREAT. WE'LL SEE YOU THEN.
- SEE YOU THEN.
- COME ON, HONEY.
[folk music]
♪
- HEY, HADDIE, I'M GONNA GO TO THE MARKET TODAY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR FRIEND WOULD LIKE FOR DINNER?
- HEY, IT'S YOUR THING. YOU SHOULD REALLY GO WILD.
- WELL, WE DON'T WANT TO, YOU KNOW, DOUBLE UP
ON ANYTHING YOU GUYS MAKE AT THE SOUP KITCHEN.
- LIKE SOUP. - NO SOUP.
- MOM, ARE YOU GONNA MAKE SOMETHING WEIRD?
BECAUSE USUALLY WHEN GUESTS COME OVER,
YOU MAKE WEIRD STUFF.
- I DON'T COOK WEIRD STUFF.
- WHO'S THE GUEST?
- WE'RE GONNA MAKE SOMETHING NICE.
- IT'S NOBODY. - WHO'S THE GUEST?
- JUST SOMEBODY THAT I WORK WITH THAT DAD WANTED TO COME OVER.
- IS IT THE BOY FROM THE FOOD BANK THAT YOU LIED ABOUT?
- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. - NO HITTING!
- THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR, OKAY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO SHOVE YOUR BROTHER'S HEAD.
- EXACTLY. - WE WERE PLAYING.
- HOW ABOUT ROSEMARY CHICKEN? - FINE.
- THINGS LOOK SAD WHEN THEY'RE DEAD.
- GREAT OBSERVATION, HONEY.
- MORTALITY MAKES YOU SNIPPY.
- I JUST FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE LYING TO SYD.
- WELL, ALL RIGHT, WE'LL TELL HER.
- YEAH? - WE'LL TELL HER, YEAH.
- GOOD. - WHAT SHOULD WE SAY?
- I WAS THINKING SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF,
"THE BIRD IS DEAD." YOU LIKE THAT?
- WELL, THAT'S A LITTLE HARSH.
- WHAT ELSE CAN WE SAY?
I MEAN, IT'S NATURE, IT IS HARSH.
- WELL, DOES SHE NEED TO KNOW AT AGE SIX THAT NATURE'S HARSH?
- IF SYD LIVED ON A FARM,
SHE'D HAVE SEEN DEATH 100 TIMES BY NOW.
- LET'S MOVE TO A FARM.
- SHE'S SO INNOCENT AND HAPPY,
AND SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND.
IT'S JUST, WHO WANTS TO BRING
THAT LITTLE SURPRISE TO THE PARTY?
- WELL, IF WE BRING UP HEAVEN,
IT'LL BE A LOT LESS SCARY.
- NO.
- I MEAN, I KNOW YOU AND I ARE PROBABLY NOT GOING, BUT...
- FUNNY.
WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GONNA TELL HER ABOUT HEAVEN?
- NORMAL STUFF.
- YOU MEAN THE MADE-UP STUFF?
- YEAH, THE MADE-UP STUFF.
- I DON'T WANT TO LIE TO HER.
- YOU DON'T KNOW THAT IT'S LYING.
- YOU DON'T KNOW.
- EXACTLY, YOU DON'T KNOW.
THAT'S THE POINT. THAT'S WHAT FAITH IS.
YOU DON'T KNOW.
- IS AMELIA AWAKE YET?
- HI, SWEETIE!
- NO, SHE'S STILL ASLEEP.
- YEP. - SHE'S SLEEPING A LOT.
- YEAH, MM-HMM.
- YOU KNOW, BIRDS WHEN THEY'RE RECOVERING
FROM A CONCUSSION,
WHICH IS WHAT AMELIA IS RECOVERING FROM,
THEY DO TEND TO SLEEP A LOT.
- TONS.
- I MEAN, A DAY OR TWO DAYS.
- EVEN THREE, NOT UNCOMMON FOR A BIRD.
- YEAH, BECAUSE GLASS IS SO HARD,
AND THEIR BRAINS ARE SO VERY, VERY SOFT.
- OKAY, BUT I CAN'T WAIT TILL SHE WAKES UP.
- MM-HMM. - YEAH, ME--ME TOO.
- GET OUTTA HERE, GUYS.
- OKAY, TIME FOR SCHOOL.
- BYE, DADDY. - GOOD-BYE, TURNIP.
LOVE YOU. - LOVE YOU.
- HAVE A GOOD ONE.
- UH-HUH.
- THIS CAN'T GO ON. - I KNOW.
- HEY, YOUR MOM'S GONNA BE HOME SOON.
YOU WANT TO CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM A LITTLE BIT?
- AFTER I'M DONE PLAYING.
- EXCUSE ME?
- AFTER I'M DONE PLAYING.
- OH, YEAH, WHEN'S THAT GONNA BE,
WHEN YOU'RE 11 AND START LIKING GIRLS?
- WHAT?
- ALL RIGHT, LISTEN,
LET'S HAVE A LITTLE TALK.
A LITTLE MAN TALK.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY.
NOW I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT GENERIC DAD THING
AND BARK ORDERS AT YOU OR BRIBE YOU.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU LIKE A MAN.
YOU'RE A MATURE YOUNG MAN.
I THINK WE CAN TALK ABOUT THIS LOGICALLY.
CAN WE HAVE A MAN TALK? - MM-HMM.
- OKAY.
YOU DON'T LIKE CLEANING YOUR ROOM, I GET IT.
I DON'T LIKE CLEANING MY ROOM EITHER.
BUT IT'S IMPORTANT-- HEY, LOOK AT ME.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO YOUR MOM, OKAY?
SO THAT MEANS WE GOTTA DO IT.
'CAUSE OUR JOB AS GUYS,
WE GOTTA MAKE OUR LADIES HAPPY.
ALL RIGHT? - OKAY.
- DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? - MM-HMM.
- OKAY, GOOD.
SO YOU'LL CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM?
- YEP. - OKAY.
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT,
I'LL EVEN HELP YOU THIS ONE TIME.
BUT THEN YOU GOTTA DO IT YOURSELF AFTER THAT.
IT'LL BE OUR SECRET.
SECRET ON THREE?
both: ONE, TWO, THREE.
SECRET!
- ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
SEE? THAT'S HOW YOU COMMUNICATE.
YOU MAKE A PLAN AND YOU GET IT DONE.
JUST TWO GUYS TEAMING UP ON A HARD JOB.
- [makes blasting sounds]
- WORK JUST BLOWS RIGHT BY.
- HEY.
- OH, HEY, I HEARD YOU HAD SOME OF THE GUYS OVER.
GRANDPA TOLD ME. - YEAH.
- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING, MAKING TROUBLE?
- LOOK, MOM, IT WASN'T THAT BIG OF A DEAL, OKAY?
WE JUST-- - WHAT?
- WE HAD A FEW BEERS.
NO ONE WAS DRUNK OR ANYTHING.
- WHAT? - NOTHING.
- NO, UM-- - LOOK, MOM, I HAD THE GUYS--
- WHO GAVE YOU BEER? - NOBODY.
I KNEW THAT IT WAS IN GRANDPA'S BARN,
SO I INVITED THEM OVER,
AND WE HAD A FEW BEERS.
I MEAN, ME AND GRANDPA HAD A BEER ON THANKSGIVING.
AND I TOLD THEM ABOUT IT,
AND THEY KIND OF INVITED THEMSELVES OVER.
AND, I DON'T KNOW, THEY WERE JUST USING ME OBVIOUSLY.
- SO GRANDPA GAVE YOU A BEER ON THANKSGIVING?
- UH, YEAH.
- OKAY, WELL, YOU'RE NOT TO HAVE THEM OVER AGAIN.
- LOOK, MOM, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER?
SORRY.
- HEY, DAD. - YEAH?
- DID YOU GIVE DREW A BEER AT THANKSGIVING?
- YEAH.
YEAH, AND I GAVE ONE TO ADAM AND CROSBY
AT ABOUT THE SAME AGE.
WHY?
- I REALLY WISH YOU HADN'T DONE THAT.
AND I HOPE YOU WON'T DO THAT AGAIN.
- WELL, SWEETHEART, I DON'T KNOW.
I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO TEACH GUYS HOW TO HANDLE ALCOHOL
BEFORE THEY GO OUT THERE AND MAKE IDIOTS OUT OF THEMSELVES.
- MAYBE THAT WAS OKAY FOR ADAM AND CROSBY,
BUT THEY DIDN'T HAVE A FATHER WHO WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.
- WELL...
I DON'T KNOW IF SETH WAS AN ALCOHOLIC.
I KNOW THAT HE WAS A SELF-INDULGENT BUM
THAT COULDN'T GET A JOB.
- SETH IS AN ALCOHOLIC.
SETH IS A DRUG ADDICT.
AND YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME
YOU FOUND THOSE GUYS IN THERE DRINKING.
- OKAY, NOW WAIT A MINUTE HERE.
I SHUT IT DOWN, HONEY.
I HANDLED IT.
SO I REALLY DON'T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS HERE.
- THE PROBLEM IS I CHOSE AN ADDICT
TO BE THE FATHER OF MY CHILDREN,
AND I WORRY EVERY DAY THAT THEY HAVE THAT IN THEM TOO.
SO PLEASE...
LET ME HANDLE THIS, OKAY?
- OKAY.
- THANK YOU.
- JUST LET ME ANSWER THE DOOR. - WE'LL GET THE DOOR.
- WE GOT IT, WE GOT IT.
- HI, ALEX.
- HEY, HOW YOU GUYS DOING? - HOW ARE YOU?
- THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
- HI, I'M KRISTINA. - HELLO, PLEASURE.
- NICE TO MEET YOU. - SMELLS GREAT IN HERE.
- I COOKED ALL DAY. - THANK YOU.
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO BRING FLOWERS.
- WELL, THEY'RE NOT ACTUALLY FOR YOU.
THEY'RE FOR YOUR MOM. - OH.
- YOU'RE KIDDING.
THAT IS SO SWEET OF YOU. THANK YOU.
- IS THIS HADDIE'S BOYFRIEND?
- UH, THIS IS MY BROTHER MAX.
- HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON?
I HEARD A LOT ABOUT YOU, LITTLE MAN.
- YOU'RE BLACK.
- SORRY, I'M SURE HADDIE TOLD YOU ABOUT MAX.
- MAX, THAT IS NOT POLITE.
- NO, IT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
I AM BLACK. TECHNICALLY A LITTLE BROWN.
- YOU KNOW, MY UNCLE CROSBY'S MARRYING A BLACK WOMAN,
AND THEY HAVE A SON WHO'S HALF-BLACK.
AND IF YOU AND HADDIE HAD A KID,
HE'D LOOK JUST LIKE JABBAR.
- OH, WE'RE GONNA GO AND CHECK THE CHICKEN.
- JABBAR WOULD HAVE A TWIN.
WOULDN'T THAT BE SO AWESOME, GUYS?
- THAT'S PROBABLY NOT GONNA HAPPEN TONIGHT.
- YEAH, PROBABLY NOT.
- SO THE COOL THING ABOUT THE HERCULES BEETLE
IS THAT IT'S SEXUALLY DIMORPHIC.
- HMM, I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING SPECIAL
ABOUT THAT BEETLE.
- NOW THE FEMALE HERCULES BEETLE
DOES NOT HAVE HORNS.
IT'S LARGER-BODIED BUT SHORTER THAN THE MALE.
YEAH, I HAVE A BOOK IN MY ROOM THAT SHOWS YOU THE DIFFERENCE.
- WELL, THAT'S COOL. I WANT TO SEE IT.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE BUGS TOO.
I HAD TO LIVE WITH THEM SOMETIMES GROWING UP.
- WHY?
- BECAUSE BUGS TEND TO LIVE IN OLD BUILDINGS,
BUILDINGS THAT HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.
- OH, YOU'RE POOR.
- MAX. I'M SO SORRY.
- IT'S--IT'S ALL RIGHT.
I PREFER HONESTY IN PEOPLE.
- SO ALEX, HOW DID YOU GET INVOLVED WITH THE FOOD BANK?
- UM, THAT'S A FUNNY STORY.
I--I USED TO EAT THERE.
- REALLY?
- YEAH, THAT PLACE SAVED MY LIFE.
- WOW.
THAT'S SOMETHING.
- YEAH, MY MOM PASSED AWAY A FEW YEARS AGO,
AND IT WAS--
- SORRY TO HEAR THAT.
- REALLY SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
- THANKS, NO, IT'S OKAY. I'M ALL RIGHT.
IT WAS A WHILE AGO.
BUT MY DAD,
HE NEVER REALLY RECOVERED.
HE WAS IN A BAD PLACE.
HAD SOME--SOME DEMONS
HE COULDN'T GET RID OF.
HE WOULDN'T GET HELP.
SO I ATE QUITE A FEW MEALS THERE.
- WOW.
- MUST HAVE BEEN A DIFFICULT TIME.
- I MEAN, IT WAS.
BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE PEOPLE'S CHOICES FOR THEM, RIGHT?
SO WHEN I WAS 16,
I EMANCIPATED MYSELF.
- MM-HMM, WHICH WAS REALLY BRAVE.
- SO YOU'VE BEEN LIVING LIKE AN ADULT
SINCE YOU WERE HADDIE'S AGE?
16? - MM-HMM.
- WOW. - VERY IMPRESSIVE.
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
I MEAN, TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST,
I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS GETTING MYSELF INTO.
- YEAH. - BUT I'M IN A GOOD PLACE NOW.
I'M GETTING MY CREDITS TOGETHER TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL,
MANAGING THE FOOD BANK.
WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS HAVE A CAREER
IN SOCIAL SERVICES.
- OR POLITICS, REMEMBER?
- OR POLITICS.
BUT I REALLY WANT TO GIVE BACK TO THE SYSTEM FIRST.
- I KNOW, BUT I MEAN, WE TALKED ABOUT
YOU WOULD DO WELL. - I GUESS.
- WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE?
- COLLEGE? - YEP.
- I'D LIKE THAT.
I'D HAVE TO FIGURE SOME THINGS OUT FIRST.
BUT RIGHT NOW I REALLY WANT TO GET THROUGH A YEAR
ON THE PROGRAM.
- WHAT PROGRAM?
- I'M IN A.A.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I'VE HEARD IT BEFORE.
- IT'S ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
- SO YOU'RE AN ALCOHOLIC?
- WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
- WELL, YOU'RE ALWAYS AN ALCOHOLIC.
JUST I'VE BEEN SOBER FOR SIX MONTHS.
- GOOD FOR YOU.
- YEAH, THIS IS REALLY BORING.
MY BUG BOOK WOULD BE SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS.
I'M GONNA GO GET IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
- I JUST GOT MY SIX-MONTH CHIP.
HADDIE WENT WITH ME.
- SHE DID? CONGRATULATIONS.
- THAT'S GREAT.
YOU SHOULD BE REALLY PROUD OF YOURSELF.
THAT'S TOUGH TO DO. - GOOD FOR YOU.
- UM...
I'M SOLID.
I WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOW THAT.
I GET THAT YOU GUYS ARE PARENTS,
AND I UNDERSTAND HOW CRAZY ALL THIS MUST SOUND,
BUT YOU GO DOWN THE ROAD YOU GO DOWN WHEN YOU'RE YOUNGER.
YOU LEARN WHAT YOU LEARN FROM WATCHING,
IMITATING WHAT YOU SEE, WHAT'S RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
BUT WHEN YOU GROW UP,
YOU GET TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES,
CHOICES THAT ARE GONNA DEFINE WHO YOU ARE,
YOUR MORALS, WHAT YOU WILL STAND FOR,
OR WHAT YOU'LL FALL FOR,
WHO YOU WANT TO BE.
WELL, I WANT TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST WITH YOU GUYS.
SO THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE.
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU FOR BEING SO HONEST.
ALL RIGHT, HONEY.
- HMM?
- I WAS VERY IMPRESSED WITH HIM.
- MM-HMM.
- JUST THE WAY HE HANDLES HIMSELF
IS INCREDIBLY MATURE AND DECENT.
- YEAH.
I AGREE.
HE'S BEEN THROUGH A LOT.
- YEAH, IT'S AMAZING HOW GROUNDED HE IS.
- HE'S A GREAT GUY, AND HE'S CHARMING.
HE'S SWEET.
- HE'S VERY NICE TO HADDIE.
HE'S A HARD WORKER.
HE'S OBVIOUSLY A SMART KID.
- HE'S VERY SMART.
HE'S GRACIOUS.
- [sighs]
- I MEAN, HE LIVES BY HIMSELF.
HE LIVES LIKE AN ADULT.
- HE HAS HIS OWN PLACE.
- HE DIDN'T FINISH HIGH SCHOOL EITHER.
- WELL, HE'S WORKING ON THAT,
AND, LOOK, I GIVE HIM A LOT OF CREDIT FOR THAT
AND FOR GETTING SOBER. - YEAH, I DO TOO.
- BUT ALL OF THAT, IT'S JUST, IT'S TOO MUCH
TO PUT ON THE PLATE OF OUR 16-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER.
- I COMPLETELY AGREE.
IF SHE WERE 21 YEARS OLD, DIFFERENT STORY.
- TOTALLY DIFFERENT. - COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
BUT SHE'S NOT 21. SHE'S 16.
AND...
- THAT'S WAY TOO YOUNG.
- WE HAVE TO TELL HER TOMORROW.
- IT'S BETTER TO END IT NOW
THAN TO LET IT CONTINUE AND GET SERIOUS.
- IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
- DEFINITELY.
- SHE'S GONNA HATE US.
- SHE DIED?
WHEN?
- UH, JUST, LIKE, AN HOUR AGO.
- YEAH.
- MAYBE IF WE PUT WATER ON HER, SHE MIGHT WAKE UP.
- ACTUALLY, SWEETIE, NO, THAT'S--
WHEN YOU DIE, THAT'S IT.
- FOREVER?
- YEAH.
- WELL, THAT'S SAD.
- IT IS--IT IS SAD, BUG.
IT IS SAD.
- SO EVERYTHING DIES?
- YEAH, PRETTY MUCH, HON.
BUT, YOU KNOW, UM,
THAT'S KINDA THE BEAUTY OF THE WORLD.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT PERMANENT.
- ARE YOU AND DADDY GONNA DIE?
AM I GONNA DIE?
- NOT FOR A REALLY, REALLY LONG TIME.
- YEAH.
- LIKE 100 YEARS.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE. I WOULD MISS YOU.
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO,
BECAUSE WE'LL SEE EACH OTHER IN HEAVEN.
HEAVEN IS A BEAUTIFUL PLACE,
AND THAT'S WHERE YOU GO WHEN YOU DIE.
IT'S PEACEFUL THERE.
AND IT'S HAPPY.
AND EVERYONE THAT YOU LOVE,
EVERYONE THAT YOU MISS
IS THERE WAITING FOR YOU.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS,
BUT WHEN YOU WERE REALLY LITTLE
DADDY'S MOM DIED.
AND SHE'S THERE.
AND YOU GET TO SEE HER WHEN YOU GO
IN 100 YEARS.
- OKAY, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WILL AMELIA BE THERE?
- YEP.
ABSOLUTELY.
SHE'S PROBABLY THERE ALREADY WITH YOUR GRANDMA.
- OKAY.
- YOU JUST LIKE HER BECAUSE SHE HAS BIG, BLUE EYES.
- HEY, YOU GUYS.
- SHE LIKES YOU. IT'S SO OBVIOUS.
I COULD HOOK SOMETHING UP FOR YOU IF YOU'RE INTERESTED.
- I WOULD HAVE TO KNOW FOR CERTAIN
THAT SHE FELT THE SAME WAY. - SHE DOES.
- YOU GUYS, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO--
I DON'T KNOW WHEN THE RIGHT TIME IS
TO BRING THIS UP EXACTLY,
BUT I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK TO YOU.
- SHE'S REALLY CUTE BUT JUST MAKE SURE YOU'RE NOT SETTLING.
- HEY! HEY, GUYS.
I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT DRUGS AND ALCOHOL.
- YEAH, OKAY, SORRY, IT'S A LITTLE LATE.
- I KNOW, YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.
I KNOW HOW SMART YOU ARE, OKAY?
- SHE'S ON BOTH RIGHT NOW. - I JUST WANT TO SAY--
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE DREW, WHEN THE--
THE THING WITH THE BEER AND STUFF.
- WHAT THING WITH THE BEER?
ARE YOU DRINKING BEER?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME?
YOU COULDA SENT ME A TEXT MESSAGE.
- LISTEN, YOU GUYS, PLEASE.
- WHAT?
- YOUR FATHER HAD PROBLEMS IN THIS AREA.
A LOT.
AND, YOU KNOW, THAT CAN BE
A HEREDITARY KIND OF PROBLEM.
YOU HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL THAN OTHER KIDS.
YOU KNOW THAT, DREW? - YEAH.
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND? - YEAH.
- DO YOU HEAR ME?
- YEAH, I THINK I HEAR YOU.
- YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.
- I'LL BE CAREFUL.
- JABBAR, I'M REALLY PROUD OF YOU.
YOUR ROOM LOOKS BEAUTIFUL.
- DADDY CLEANED MY ROOM.
HE SAID IT WAS OUR SECRET.
- OH, HE DID, HUH? YOU CLEANED HIS ROOM?
- UH, NO, THAT'S NOT-- I JUST HELPED.
- NO, YOU DID THE WHOLE THING.
- WELL, IT WAS A TEAM EFFORT
THAT I MIGHT HAVE DONE MOST OF.
- FINISH UP WITH THIS, OKAY?
- OKAY.
- THAT IS TOTALLY NOT COOL.
IT'S NOT COOL!
- I DID NOT MEAN TO DO IT. IT JUST HAPPENED, OKAY?
IT WAS THE EASIEST THING TO DO IN THE MOMENT.
- EASY IS NOT GOOD PARENTING, AND EASY IS LAZY.
AND YOU'RE TEACHING HIM BAD HABITS.
- OH, I'M A LAZY BAD PARENT BECAUSE I DON'T THINK
THAT A DIRTY ROOM FOR A SIX-YEAR-OLD IS A BIG DEAL?
I THINK IT'S STUPID.
- THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH A CLEAN ROOM OR EVEN HIM.
IT'S YOU.
YOU WON'T DISCIPLINE.
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO BE LIKED AND BE THE GOOD GUY
AND LEAVING ME WITH THE DIRTY WORK.
THAT'S NOT FAIR.
YOU'RE NOT HIS FRIEND. YOU'RE HIS FATHER.
- EVEN, LIKE, A RESTAURANT THAT HAS A BAR.
WE DON'T HAVE TO-- - YEAH, THAT'S NUMBER TWO.
- OR WE COULD GO TO A CLUB AND DANCE OR SOMETHING.
- WE'LL FIND SOMEPLACE TO GO, AND WE'LL HAVE A LOT OF FUN.
AND GUESS WHAT, WHEREVER WE ARE GOING
I WILL BE DRINKING SOME MORE.
- MMM.
- BECAUSE I'M NOT PREGNANT.
- OKAY.
- YEP, ACTUALLY I'VE BEEN TRYING FOR FOUR MONTHS.
- OH.
- THIS IS GONNA BE BETTER, RIGHT?
- VERY NICE. - THANK YOU.
I DON'T KNOW, THE REAL KIND OF BUMMER
IS THAT I KEEP THINKING THAT I AM PREGNANT,
AND THEN I START TO GET ALL SENTIMENTAL
AND I THINK THAT THERE'S ACTUALLY--
THERE'S A BABY INSIDE OF ME,
AND IT KIND OF BREAKS MY HEART EVERY TIME THERE'S NOT.
SO ANYWAY...
WHEN DID IT GET SO HARD TO GET PREGNANT?
- I WASN'T REALLY INTENDING IT EITHER TIME,
SO...
- RIGHT.
SEE, THAT'S ALL I NEED TO DO,
NOT WANT TO GET PREGNANT.
- DAD GAVE DREW A BEER THE OTHER DAY,
AND I REALIZED I HAVE TO TELL THEM WHAT...
THE REAL STORY IS.
THAT THEIR FATHER COULD BE MISSING
FOR DAYS AT A TIME,
AND HE WASN'T ON TOUR LIKE I SAID, YOU KNOW?
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN TO TELL THEM
HOW BAD IT ACTUALLY WAS.
DON'T WANT THEM TO BE AFRAID, YOU KNOW?
- YEAH.
- HOW MUCH TRUTH IS TOO MUCH TRUTH?
- YES, OR ENOUGH, BUT NOT TOO MUCH.
YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE THING, AGAIN, WITH SYDNEY
AND THE AFTERLIFE AND THE DEATH AND THE BIRD.
- THE BIRD?
- WHY DID THAT DUMB BIRD HAVE TO DIE?
I MEAN, COULDN'T IT HAVE JUST HEALED ITSELF?
WOULD THAT HAVE KILLED IT?
- BIRDS ARE SO SELF-CENTERED.
- YES.
AND THEN POOR JOEL HAS TO DEAL WITH ME
BEING SO CONTROLLING, WHICH I HATE ABOUT MYSELF.
BUT, I MEAN, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
- YOU SHOULD GET THOSE CONTROL ISSUES UNDER CONTROL.
- THANKS.
- YOU SHOULD REALLY CONTROL THOSE BETTER.
UH-OH.
- IT'S OKAY TO COME IN?
- YEAH. - YEAH.
HI, POPS.
- [chuckles]
WELL, NOW THAT'S INTERESTING.
SEE, I KEEP WALKING INTO DIFFERENT ROOMS IN MY HOUSE
AND FINDING PEOPLE DRINKING.
SHOULD I BE TAKING IT PERSONALLY?
IS IT A BAD TIME?
- COME IN, DAD, AND HAVE A DRINK.
- RIGHT, OKAY.
- I WILL GET YOU A DRINK, THAT'S WHAT I WILL DO.
- ARE WE OKAY?
- SO...
HOW MUCH DO YOU WANT?
- THAT'S GOOD. - OOH-OOH-OOH.
- OKAY, MAY I SAY SOMETHING?
- PLEASE.
- YOU TWO LADIES HAVE DONE AN INCREDIBLE JOB
BEING PARENTS.
AND I AM SO PROUD TO HAVE YOU TWO
BEAUTIFUL GIRLS.
- THANKS, DAD.
- DAD.
- WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE PARTYING RIGHT NOW,
NOT CRYING, JEEZ. - IT'S GIRLS' NIGHT, DAD.
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE THINKING ABOUT BOYS AND LIPSTICK.
- I THINK I SHOULD GO WITH YOU.
- I DO TOO. - YOU'RE ALL GUSSIED UP.
- LET'S GO DANCING. WE'LL TAKE DAD DANCING.
- YEAH.
- YOUR MOTHER AND I HAD A LONG TALK LAST NIGHT.
AND WE HAVE DECIDED THAT
IT'S BEST IF YOU DON'T SEE ALEX ANYMORE.
- UH, IS THIS BECAUSE HE'S BLACK?
- HADDIE, COME ON, YOUR MOTHER AND I ARE NOT RACISTS.
- NOT AT ALL, HONEY.
- THEN I--WHY?
'CAUSE HE WAS SITTING HERE AND YOU LIKED HIM.
I SAW YOU LIKED HIM. - HE'S A WONDERFUL PERSON,
BUT IT'S JUST-- - RIGHT, SO WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
- WE FEEL THAT HE'S TOO OLD FOR YOU.
- HE'S JUST-- HE'S TOO GROWN-UP.
YOU KNOW, HE HAS NO PARENTS IN HIS LIFE.
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? SO?
- HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A HIGH SCHOOL DIPLOMA.
I GIVE HIM A LOT OF CREDIT FOR WORKING ON IT RIGHT NOW.
- THE A.A. THING, IT'S SCARY.
- THIS IS TOO ADULT A RELATIONSHIP FOR YOU.
YOU SHOULDN'T BE ATTENDING A.A. MEETINGS.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN?
- I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH HIM HAVING HIS OWN APARTMENT.
- WHY DOES IT MATTER WHAT YOU'RE COMFORTABLE WITH?
I FEEL COMFORTABLE, AND I FEEL HAPPY.
- WE'RE YOUR PARENTS. - NO! I DON'T CARE!
WHY DO YOU GUYS GET TO TELL ME--
- WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING. - HADDIE, I'M SORRY.
I'M SORRY. THIS CONVERSATION IS OVER.
WE HAVE MADE OUR MINDS UP. - PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.
- YOU ARE NOT TO SEE ALEX ANYMORE.
- WE'RE SORRY.
GREAT. [door slams]
- [yawns]
- PATHETIC.
WE DIDN'T PARTY LIKE IT WAS 1999.
WE DIDN'T EVEN PARTY LIKE IT WAS 1998.
- PHEW, GOOD MORNING!
HEY!
HOW WAS GIRLS' NIGHT OUT?
- PATHETIC. - WE DIDN'T MAKE IT OUT.
- WE DIDN'T MAKE IT OUT OF THE HOUSE, DAD.
- OH.
- HOW COME YOU'RE NOT HUNG OVER?
- OH, COME ON, THAT WAS GIRLY DRINKING.
AMATEUR HOUR.
- OKAY.
- OH, THIS IS HAZELNUT.
MAN, GAH!
I HATE HAZELNUT.
- HE'S RIGHT, WE'RE FLAVORED-COFFEE-BREWING LOSERS.
- OKAY, I'M GONNA GO HOME
SO MY HUSBAND CAN MAKE FUN OF ME.
- OKAY, BUT WE'RE GONNA DO THIS AGAIN NEXT WEEK, RIGHT?
- YEAH. - IT'S GIRLS' NIGHT.
THIS IS THE YEAR OF FUN.
IT'S THE YEAR OF FUN, RIGHT?
WHOO!
- HEY! [whistles]
HEAD 'EM UP, MOVE 'EM OUT.
- WHERE ARE WE GOING?
- I DON'T KNOW, GETTING SOME AIR.
WE'LL GO TAKE A HIKE. WHATEVER WE WANNA DO.
I KNOW WE'RE GONNA GET IN THAT TRUCK.
I KNOW, WE'LL GO HAVE SOME COFFEE,
BECAUSE MEN DRINK COFFEE.
YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
- YEAH, I GUESS. THAT MAKES SENSE.
- I MEAN, NOT ALL MALE BONDING IS DONE OVER BEER.
A LOT OF IT IS.
I MEAN, PROBABLY WAY TOO MUCH OF IT.
YEAH, BUT HERE'S THE IMPORTANT THING.
MEN DON'T SQUEAL ON ONE ANOTHER.
ALL RIGHT?
EVEN UNDER TORTURE.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU'RE LIKE A LITTLE CHATTY KATHY.
HERE, HOP IN.
I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.
- HEY.
- YOU OKAY?
- YEAH.
OH, HONEY.
I WISH MY MOM WAS HERE TO SEE HOW GREAT SHE'S TURNING OUT.
- OH.
YEAH, I KNOW.
- AND I--
I LIKE THINKING ABOUT HER IN HEAVEN,
WITH THAT STUPID BIRD.
I KINDA HATE YOU FOR THAT.
- OH, I LOVE YOU.
COME HERE.
- HOLY MACKEREL, YOU'RE SWEATING ALCOHOL.
- MM-HMM.
- HOW MUCH DID YOU GUYS DRINK LAST NIGHT?
- A LOT.
- YEAH. YOU LOOK GOOD.
- OH. - YOU LOOK REALLY GOOD.
- ♪ EXPECTING SOMETHING
♪ SOMETHING BETTER THAN BEFORE ♪
- [makes blasting sounds]
- JABBAR, I JUST GOT A CALL FROM A WALRUS
WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHEN WE'RE GONNA BE GETTING TO THE ZOO.
OH, MY--
BUDDY, WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE?
IT WAS JUST CLEAN.
- YOU COULD CLEAN MY ROOM AGAIN.
IT CAN BE OUR SECRET.
- NO, NO, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN, BUDDY.
- I'LL CLEAN IT UP AFTER THE ZOO.
- NO, YOU NEED TO CLEAN IT UP NOW.
- NO!
- OKAY, YES.
YOU HAVE TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM NOW,
OR WE CAN'T GO TO THE ZOO.
ALL RIGHT?
LISTEN, JABBAR, YOU HAVE TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM RIGHT NOW,
OR WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE ZOO.
- I'M NOT GONNA DO IT! - HEY, WHAT--DON'T.
THEN WE'RE NOT GOING TO THE ZOO.
- THAT'S NOT FAIR! - YES, IT IS FAIR.
WHAT'S NOT FAIR IS ME LETTING YOU JUST GO THROUGH LIFE
THINKING THAT SOMEONE'S GONNA DO EVERYTHING
YOU NEED DOING, OKAY?
THAT WOULD MAKE ME A CRAPPY DAD.
- FINE, I'LL CLEAN IT.
OKAY, I'M CLEANING.
- NO, BUDDY, IT'S TOO LATE.
IT'S TOO LATE.
- PLEASE, DADDY, PLEASE! I REALLY WANT TO GO.
- NO, I WAS VERY CLEAR, OKAY?
- PLEASE, LOOK, I'M CLEANING.
SEE?
- NO, BUDDY, I SAID NOW WE'RE NOT GOING, OKAY?
- YOU'RE A MEANIE!
- HEY, STOP THROWING YOUR STUFF.
- I HATE YOU! YOU'RE SO MEAN!
MAKING IT WORSE!
I HATE YOU!
YOU'RE THE MEANEST DAD IN THE WORLD!
YOU'RE A MEANIE!
♪
- ♪ WHATEVER WENT AWAY
♪ I'LL GET IT OVER NOW
♪ I'LL GET MONEY
♪ I'LL GET FUNNY AGAIN
♪ WHATEVER WENT AWAY
- HEY.
WHAT'S UP?
SO WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT'D THEY THINK ABOUT ME? DID I PASS?
- THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE REALLY IMPRESSIVE.
- IMPRESSIVE?
[both chuckle]
I MEAN, THAT'S IT?
♪
- THEY LOVED YOU.
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT, GREAT,
'CAUSE I LIKED THEM TOO.
YOU HAVE A REALLY AWESOME FAMILY.
LUNCH IS IN AN HOUR.
DO YOU WANT TO GO GIVE DONNA A HAND IN THE KITCHEN?
- YEAH.
- OKAY.