- I NEED TO FIRE SEVEN PEOPLE.
- THESE ARE PEOPLE, OKAY,
THAT WE HAVE WORKED WITH FOR 15 YEARS.
- STOP THINKING. JUST DO IT.
YOU NEED ME TO COME UP THERE AND HOLD YOUR HAND?
- GORDON ASKED ME OUT. - I'M REALLY SORRY,
BUT IF ANYBODY DOESN'T KNOW THIS GUY--IT'S YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'M GONNA MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
- ALEX IS THE VOLUNTEER COORDINATOR HERE.
- OH, HI. WOULD YOU PLEASE
STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M AN IDIOT?
- I DON'T THINK YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE TODAY. - WELL, YOU SHOULD DOCK MY PAY.
- WILL YOU MARRY ME? - WE'RE GETTING MARRIED!
- JASMINE, WELCOME TO CRAZY TOWN.
[shoe beeping]
[continues beeping]
- OKAY, WOULD YOU STOP THAT, PLEASE?
- IT'S JUST SO GENIUS.
WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THIS IS A GENIUS.
HUH? NO? NOBODY? NOTHIN'?
[cell phone tone]
- BOB'S WALKING IN.
- SHOWTIME. - HERE WE GO.
- YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY,
HOW BIG A DEAL CAN THIS TESTING THING BE AT THIS POINT?
- WELL, IF WE TANK, THE SHOE IS HISTORY.
- YOU'RE KIDDING ME? WE SPENT THREE MONTHS
DEVELOPING THIS AND THEN EIGHT PEOPLE SITTING IN A ROOM--
- THE SHOE BUSINESS IS HELL, SARAH.
[knock at door]
- BOB. - HEY.
- HEY, BOB. - WELL, UM...
I'VE DONE A PRELIMINARY TABULATION,
AND, UM, YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND--
- BOB, PLEASE. JUST...
- WELL, IT'S NOT GOOD.
- BECAUSE IT'S... SO GREAT?
- I'M AFRAID NOT.
THE BEEPING GAVE THE PARENTS A MASSIVE HEADACHE.
- OH. WELL, THAT'S AN EASY FIX. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BEEP.
IT CAN CHIRP. IT CAN WHISTLE.
- BOTTOM LINE? - DOA.
- DO OVER AGAIN?
- I'M REALLY SORRY.
[beep]
- CLEAR! [both laughing]
- [gasps]
- THIS IS-- I-I LIKE THIS!
THIS IS COOL. - YEAH.
IT'S GOT NEW CARPET. - YEAH. THIS IS CUTE.
IT'S ACTUALLY KIND OF PERFECT FOR WHAT WE NEED.
JABBAR CAN WALK TO SCHOOL. - MM-HMM.
- IT'S CLOSE TO EVERYTHING. - MM-HMM.
- AND, YOU KNOW, HOW COOL IS IT
THAT THE NEIGHBORS HAVE TWIN FIVE-YEAR-OLD BOYS?
- THERE WAS--THEY WERE-- THEY WERE TWINS, RIGHT?
- YEAH, THEY WERE. - OKAY. I THOUGHT I WAS SEEING--
- DOUBLE? - DOUBLE.
- IT'S FATE. I MEAN...
IT'S KIND OF FATE. - YEAH. IT'S KIND OF...
AN EXPENSIVE FATE.
- I KNOW, I KNOW. IT'S A STRETCH.
- IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, UM...
I STILL HAVE LOAN PAYMENTS ON MY EQUIPMENT,
AND THEN I HAVE FEES FOR MY BOAT.
- THE BOAT? - YEAH, MY BOAT.
MY VESSEL.
YOU KNOW, I HAVE DOCK FEES AND MAINTENANCE COSTS.
YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA... - AH.
- KEEP THE BARNACLES OFF.
- YEAH, WELL...ARE--
ARE YOU PLANNING ON KEEPING THE BOAT?
- WELL-- - I MEAN, 'CAUSE...
WE'RE MOVING IN TOGETHER.
WHY WOULD YOU NEED THE BOAT?
- YEAH, I--I GUESS THAT'S A GOOD POINT.
I MEAN, JABBAR LOVES IT BUT, UM...
I GUESS IT IS SILLY... TO KEEP THE BOAT.
- YEAH.
- WE'RE SELLIN' THE BOAT.
- SON, I DON'T WANNA BELABOR THE POINT,
BUT THE CLICKER SHOE THING WAS VERY IMPORTANT TO YOUR SISTER.
- I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT.
HEY, MAX, WE CAN'T HAVE THAT MANY BAGS OF CHIPS, OKAY?
- ONE FOR EVERYONE.
- WE CAN ALL SHARE ONE. WE DON'T NEED FOUR.
- COME ON, LET THE BOY HAVE HIS CHIPS.
- YEAH, LET THE BOY HAVE HIS CHIPS.
- THANKS A LOT, DAD. ALL RIGHT, TWO.
YOU CAN HAVE TWO BAGS OF CHIPS. THAT'S THE LIMIT, OKAY?
COME ON. THANK YOU.
- HOW 'BOUT ANOTHER FOCUS GROUP?
- DAD, FOCUS GROUPS COST A LOT OF MONEY,
LIKE $15,000, YOU KNOW, TO DO IT RIGHT.
WE'RE SERIOUSLY CASH STRAPPED RIGHT NOW.
- THAT'S THE TIME WHEN YOU GO BALLS OUT, SON.
- IT'S THROWING GOOD MONEY AFTER BAD.
THERE'S NO POINT IN SPENDING MONEY
DEVELOPING A SHOE THAT NOBODY WANTS, YOU KNOW?
I MAY AS WELL JUST FLUSH THE MONEY DOWN THE TOILET.
- WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE? DON'T DO ANYTHING?
- 17 ITEMS. - HEY, I'M BUYING THOSE.
- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- 17 ITEMS. - GIMME A BREAK, WILL YA, KID?
- THAT'S SEVEN ITEMS TOO MANY. - I'M BUYING THOSE!
- HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY. MAX. MAX.
IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.
- THAT'S 17 ITEMS. - MAX, MAX--
- I'M IN A HURRY. WILL YOU LEAVE IT--
LEAVE IT ALONE? - IT'S MORE ITEMS
THAN HE'S ALLOWED TO HAVE, DAD! - HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY.
- HE HAS MORE ITEMS. DAD!
HE HAS 17 ITEMS. HAVE YOU SEEN THAT?
- YOU KNOW WHAT, MAX? THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE
THAT THINK THE RULES DON'T APPLY TO THEM.
LET'S JUST LET HIM GO. - THERE'S SOME PEOPLE
THAT SHOULD MIND THEIR OWN DAMN BUSINESS.
- LET'S JUST CHILL OUT. - NO, NO, NO, NO.
WHAT'D YOU SAY? - DAD, DAD.
- NOW HE'S INVOLVED? - YEAH, I AM INVOLVED.
- IT'S OKAY. CAN YOU HELP MAX?
GO GET SOME MORE CHIPS, OKAY? - MORE CHIPS!
- SOME MORE CHIPS AND SOME MORE PRETZELS.
CAN YOU HELP MAX? - YEAH.
- CAN YOU HURRY THIS UP, PLEASE?
JACKASS. [muttering] JACKASS.
- EXCUSE ME?
WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM? - I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM.
- NO, YOU DO HAVE A PROBLEM. "A", YOU CAN'T READ.
IT'S TEN ITEMS-- - THAT KID OF YOURS
HAS A PROBLEM. - NO, MY SON--
- YOU SHOULD TRAIN HIM BETTER OR SOMETHING.
- TRAIN HIM BETTER? WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- LOOK, I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, OKAY?
- YOU FEEL SORRY FOR ME? WHY?
- YEAH, 'CAUSE YOU'VE GOT A BURDEN, 'CAUSE HE'S A RETARD.
♪ MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALWAYS ♪
♪ AND MAY YOUR WISHES ALL COME TRUE ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS DO FOR OTHERS ♪
♪ AND LET OTHERS DO FOR YOU
♪ MAY YOU BUILD A LADDER TO THE STARS ♪
♪ AND CLIMB ON EVERY RUNG
♪ AND MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
♪ MAY YOU GROW UP TO BE RIGHTEOUS ♪
♪ MAY YOU GROW UP TO BE TRUE ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE TRUTH ♪
♪ AND SEE THE LIGHTS SURROUNDING YOU ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS BE COURAGEOUS ♪
♪ STAND UPRIGHT AND BE STRONG ♪
♪ AND MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
♪ MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
- SO I CAN USE REGULAR TACO MEAT? OKAY.
I THINK THEY'LL LIKE IT. YEAH.
THANKS, SUZE. I WILL.
OH. OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA GO. BYE.
- WE GOT AMERICAN BEER.
- OOH. GOOD. YUM.
HOW'D IT GO?
DID YOU GET EVERYTHING ON THE LIST?
- YEAH, I THINK SO.
- IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
- YEAH.
- YEAH?
- UH...YEAH, YEAH.
JUST HAD A PROBLEM WITH MAX AND THE CHIPS.
YOU KNOW, HOW MANY HE GOT.
'SCUSE ME.
- WANT A BEER? - WHAT HAPPENED?
- NOTHIN'. - SOMETHING HAPPENED.
- NOTHING HAPPENED. - DID MAX HAVE A BREAKDOWN?
OH, MY GOD, HE HAD A TANTRUM. - NO.
- I TOLD GABY NOT--
WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS BUT--
- KRISTINA, NOTHING HAPPENED. I SAID NOTHING HAPPENED.
- OKAY. DON'T SNAP AT ME. I JUST ASKED.
- I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
- I JUST MEAN THERE'S SO MUCH THAT'S GOING ON ALL THE TIME.
LIKE EVERY MINUTE I SPEND HERE
IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING I'VE SPENT--
I DON'T KNOW. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- YEAH, I MEAN IT'S PRETTY COOL...I GUESS.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL... YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SO MODEST.
- IT'S AMAZING, ACTUALLY.
THE BIG MOVING DAY IS TOMORROW, AND IT'S SOMETHING SPECIAL.
THE LOOK ON THOSE KIDS' FACES
WHEN THEY WALK THROUGH THE DOOR FOR THE FIRST TIME...
PRETTY MUCH THE BEST PART OF THE JOB.
- I BET. - HANDS DOWN.
WELL, YOU KNOW, TOMORROW IF YOU'RE NOT DOING ANYTHING
AFTER SCHOOL, IF YOU'RE NOT BUSY,
YOU SHOULD COME BY. - I WOULD LOVE TO.
I WOULD REALLY LOVE TO.
I JUST, UH...I HAVE TO GO TO A PEP RALLY.
- A PEP RALLY? - YEAH.
I'M THE PRESIDENT OF THE JUNIOR CLASS.
- WOW! - SO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT.
- WOW. OF COURSE YOU ARE. THE PRESIDENT.
- OH. ALL RIGHT. LET'S NOT...SAY THAT.
IT'S JUST--I DON'T KNOW. WE'RE, UM...
WE'RE RENAMING THE SCHOOL MASCOTS FROM THE ROUGH RIDERS
'CAUSE IT'S ARCHAIC, AND THAT'S IT.
- OKAY.
THAT'S TOO BAD. I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO SEE IT.
- ME TOO.
- CAN YOU JUST TAKE THAT BOX UP BEFORE YOU LEAVE?
- OKAY.
IS THIS ONE KITCHEN...TOO?
- HEY, BUDDY, WE'RE GETTIN' CLOSE.
- I'M GONNA GET THE LIQUIDS, DADDY.
- YOU'RE GONNA GET THE LIQUIDS? - YEP.
- WILL YOU GET ME ONE OF THE ORANGE LIQUIDS?
OH, YES. I CAN'T REMEMBER.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR DOGS BURNT, VERY BURNT,
OR COMPLETELY BLACK?
- BURNT.
- BURNT. OKAY. WELL, THEN WE ARE READY TO EAT NOW.
OKAY.
OHH...
ONE PLAIN HOT DOG.
CHEERS. - CHEERS.
[both giggle]
- WELL... THIS MIGHT BE OUR LAST TIME
EATIN' HOT DOGS ON THE BACK OF THE FRIGATE.
- WHY?
- WELL, BECAUSE WE'RE GETTING THAT GREAT NEW APARTMENT,
AND WE'RE PROBABLY GONNA HAVE TO SELL THE BOAT.
- [sadly] MM... - YEAH.
I FEEL THE SAME WAY. - CAN WE KEEP THE BOAT TOO?
- WELL...IT'D BE KIND OF EXCESSIVE, I THINK.
- WHY?
- WELL...
YOU KNOW, WE HAVE TO PAY FOR THE NEW PLACE.
AND...YOU KNOW, YOU CAN'T HAVE EVERYTHING.
- BUT YOU'RE A BOAT GUY.
- YOU THINK I'M A BOAT GUY?
- EVER SINCE I MET YOU, YOU LIVED HERE.
THIS IS YOUR BOAT.
YOU'RE A BOAT GUY, AND THIS IS A HOUSEBOAT.
SEE? - [laughs]
THAT'S PRETTY GOOD LOGIC.
- THIS BOAT IS YOU.
[staccato beeps]
[beep beep]
[beep]
- HEY. - HEY. SORRY.
- GREAT IDEA. AHEAD OF ITS TIME.
- OH, NO, THAT'S OKAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO CHEER ME UP.
- LISTEN, YOU, ADAM, AND I HAVE TO QUIETLY SLIP AWAY
FOR THE AFTERNOON. - WHAT FOR?
- BECAUSE WE HAVE A TRADITION HERE EVERY TIME WE TEST A SHOE.
I RENT A LIMO FULLY STOCKED, AND IF THE SHOE TESTS WELL,
WE GO OUT AND CELEBRATE.
AND IF THE SHOES FAILS, THEN WE GO OUT
AND DRINK OURSELVES INTO A BUSINESSY STUPOR.
LET'S GO. - MY BROTHER ADAM DOES THAT?
- EVERY TIME. AND SINCE THE CLICKER SHOE
WAS YOUR BRAINCHILD,
THIS YEAR YOU WILL COME WITH. COME ON, LET'S GO.
- NOW? - YEAH.
- IT'S LIKE 3:30.
- I'M THE BOSS. LET'S GO. - ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH, WELL, DON'T BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT JUST YET.
UH, HANG ON A SECOND, TERRY.
- TERRY FROM MANUFACTURING? - YEP.
- TELL HIM YOU GOTTA GO.
PUT ON YOUR DRINKING SHOES, BABE.
- UH, NOT THIS TIME, GORDON. - AW...
- TERRY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.
- BRAVERMAN, PLEASE. COME ON.
- YEAH, COME ON, BRAVERMAN. - LOOK, GUYS, SERIOUSLY,
I JUST WANNA STAY HERE AND MOURN IN MY OWN...
SWAMPED-WITH-WORK KIND OF WAY.
- IT'S TRADITION! - I KNOW IT'S A TRADITION.
I'VE BEEN A PART OF THE TRADITION.
BUT THIS YEAR I WANNA STAY HERE AND GET SOME THINGS DONE.
- REALLY? - YEAH, I'VE GOT WORK TO DO.
I WANNA GET IT DONE. - YOU SURE?
- YEP. - HE'S GONNA STAY HERE.
- YEP. - OKAY.
- SUIT YOURSELF. - ALL RIGHT.
- OKAY. BUT I'M GONNA... YOU KNOW.
YOU KNOW, RIGHT?
- YEAH, HAVE FUN. GO FOR IT.
- YOU HAVE FUN. - YEAH, YOU TOO.
HAVE FUN. HAVE FUN CELEBRATING.
[crowd noise, cheering]
- EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT,
I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS FOR YOU.
LIKE WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?
- UM...I'M LEAVING.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU'RE DITCHING?
- ALL RIGHT, WELL... YEAH. I AM.
- YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME IN THERE.
THIS IS YOUR BIG DEAL. I'M IN THERE FOR YOU.
- THEN DON'T STAY. IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.
- WAIT A SECOND. - WHAT?
- WELL, THEN, I'M GONNA COME WITH YOU.
- UH, WELL, NO. I MEAN...
I'M GONNA HELP A HOMELESS FAMILY MOVE,
IF YOU WANNA DO THAT, SO...
- THAT DOESN'T SOUND FUN. - RIGHT.
OKAY, WELL, SEE YOU. - BUT WAIT.
YOU COULD JUST LIKE LEAVE ME AT A COFFEE SHOP,
AND THEN WE COULD MEET UP.
- AMBER, UH...I MIGHT BE GETTING LIKE A DIFFERENT WAY HOME.
- WHAT? THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
- UH... - WHY ARE YOU ACTING SO STRANGE?
- NO, I'M NOT ACTING STRANGE, I JUST--
- YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ONE OF THE HOMELESS GUYS?
- NO.
- OH... - NO!
- YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON A HOMELESS GUY!
- I'M LEAVING. - OKAY.
CAN'T WAIT TELL THE FAMILY ABOUT THIS.
BE SAFE. YOU LOOK GOOD.
AND CLEAN. HE'S GONNA LIKE THAT.
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU DESERVE IT, BRO. - APPRECIATE IT.
- NO PROBLEM, MAN.
- YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING.
- OH, THANK YOU. - THANK YOU.
- ENJOY IT.
- WHAT'S UP? - HEY.
- WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PEP RALLY?
- WHA--UH...I DON'T KNOW. IT GOT POSTPONED.
- GREAT. - YEAH, GREAT. SURE.
AM I LIKE INTERRUPTING? - NO.
- YOU GUYS GONNA HAVE DINNER OR SOMETHING?
- NO, NOT AT ALL--WE'RE JUST FINISHING MOVING 'EM IN.
- ALEX! - HEY, WHAT'S UP, JOSE?
HOW YOU DOING, BROTHER?
GETTING BIG ON ME. - ALEX, WE MADE YOU THIS.
- REALLY? IT'S A LANYARD. IT'S FOR MY KEYS, RIGHT?
AW. PURPLE'S MY FAVORITE COLOR. I'M GONNA PUT IT ON.
- IT'S NICE, ISN'T IT? - IT IS, IT IS.
THANK YOU, GUYS. MWAH!
GO PLAY. GO AHEAD, ENJOY.
THOSE GUYS ARE AWESOME.
- YEAH, COOL. - WELL, SO SINCE YOU'RE HERE
AND WE'RE NOT FINISHED WORKING YET,
YOU MIND IF...
- WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- OH, I WAS JUST-- I FIGURED YOU'D WANNA HELP.
- RIGHT. OBVIOUSLY. - MM-HMM.
- RIGHT. OBVIOUSLY, THAT'S WHY I CAME. OKAY.
- WELL, I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE ADAM
REACTING THAT WAY.
- I MEAN, I JUST KEPT GOING ON AND ON
ABOUT THAT CLICKER SHOE THING, YOU KNOW?
I DON'T KNOW-- MAYBE IT UPSET HIM.
- OH, NO. IT'D TAKE A WHOLE LOT MORE THAN THAT
TO MAKE ADAM PUNCH SOMEONE.
ADAM DOESN'T PUNCH PEOPLE.
YOU PUNCH PEOPLE.
- YOU KNOW...
HE'S A UNDER A LOT OF PRESSURE AT WORK.
HE'S...
HE'S GOT MAX TO DEAL WITH, YOU KNOW.
- YEAH, WELL, THEN YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM.
- TRIED TALKING TO HIM. HE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT I HAD TO SAY.
- WELL...TRY AGAIN.
- WHAT'S UP, CHAMP?
- OH. HELLO. - YOU TIRED?
- UM...[laughs] NO.
- YOU SURE? - YEAH.
- I SAW YOU TRYING TO MOVE THAT COUCH BY YOURSELF.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL... PLEASE DON'T MAKE FUN OF ME.
- [chuckling] - NO, I WAS JUST THINKING
THIS DAY HAS BEEN...
REALLY, REALLY GREAT.
- REALLY? - LIKE...THIS IS THE DAY
THAT THIS FAMILY'S LIFE CHANGED, RIGHT?
I JUST FEEL LIKE IT MEANT SOMETHING.
AND I DON'T WANT TO SPEND LIKE...ANY MORE TIME
WORRYING ABOUT THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER.
LIKE SCHOOL STUFF. LIKE DANCES AND GRADES.
IT'S MEANINGLESS. - WHAT YOU'RE DOING
IS NOT MEANINGLESS. - NO, I KNOW.
I KNOW THAT, OBVIOUSLY--
- LISTEN, YOU HAVE A BRIGHT FUTURE.
YOU'RE GONNA BE SOMEBODY'S BOSS ONE DAY.
STUDENT GOVERNMENT? - RIGHT.
- COME ON. - OH. YEAH. OF COURSE.
- I'M PRETTY SURE THAT YOU GOT STRAIGHT As IN SCHOOL.
- YEAH. WOW, GREAT. SUPER-PREDICTABLE.
STRAIGHT As.
GOT A "B" IN MY SIXTH GRADE MATH AND SCIENCE CLASS.
- OOH! YOU JUST DANGEROUS, HUH? LIVING LIFE ON THE EDGE!
- WHY DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU THINGS
SO YOU CAN LIKE MAKE FUN OF ME?
IT'S NOT FAIR! - NO, BECAUSE YOU REMEMBERED
THE FIRST TIME THAT YOU GOT A "B"--YOUR ONE AND ONLY.
- I KNOW! THAT'S WHAT I MEAN.
WHY?
- ALL RIGHT, WELL...
I WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS, ALL RIGHT?
AND REMEMBER TODAY...
BECAUSE TODAY MATTERS.
IT DOES. - I KNOW.
- YOU DID A LOTTA GOOD WORK. - I KNOW.
- YOU HELPED OUT. - I KNOW.
- YOU MOVED COUCHES. - I KNOW.
I JUST MEAN YOU PUT A LANYARD AROUND MY NECK.
- THAT'S NOT A GOOD IDEA.
- 'KAY.
- DON'T-- I DON'T WANT YOU--
- NO, NO, NO, IT'S OKAY.
UM...I'M...
- I'M SURE SHE'S FINE, ALL RIGHT?
- HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? - I DON'T KNOW THAT.
I ASSUME IT'S JUST--LOOK, SHE'S HERE RIGHT NOW. HADDIE.
HEY, HADDIE. - HADDIE?
- YOUR MOTHER'S BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU.
- THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- I'M SORRY. I APOLOGIZE.
- YOU'RE SORRY. HADDIE. - WHAT?
- I'VE CALLED YOU THREE TIMES. WHERE WERE YOU?
- I WAS HELPING THE RODRIGUEZ FAMILY MOVE.
- I DON'T KNOW WHO THEY ARE.
- THEY'RE THE HOMELESS FAMILY THAT GRANDMA INTRODUCED ME TO.
- YOU HELPED THEM MOVE INTO A NEW HOME?
- YEAH, I DID. - THAT'S GREAT.
- THANK YOU.
- I DON'T CARE WHERE YOU WERE.
YOU NEED TO CALL ME AND TELL ME, OKAY?
I WAS WORRIED SICK.
- OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. - YEAH, LOOK, HADDIE.
IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, YOU KNOW.
JUST... JUST GIVE HER A CALL.
- OKAY. - ALL RIGHT.
- I'LL SEE YOU LATER, HON. - YOU'RE GONNA--
- I GOTTA GO TO CROSBY'S BOAT THING.
- THE LAST TIME I WAS IN A LIMO WAS 11TH GRADE
WHEN DANNY ZELKIND HAD SAVED UP
HIS GROCERY DELIVERY MONEY FOR A YEAR
TO GET A LIMO TO TAKE ME TO JUNIOR PROM.
AND WE NEVER EVEN WENT TO THE DANCE.
WE JUST DROVE AND DROVE. WE DROVE ALL THE WAY TO NAPA.
WE OPENED UP THE ROOF, AND WE LOOKED AT THE STARS.
- THAT'S IT? - THAT'S IT.
- HOW FAR DID HE GET? - WHAT?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, IT WAS PROM NIGHT, AFTER ALL.
- HE GOT TO SECOND BASE, AS I REMEMBER.
- THE GUY DELIVERED GROCERIES FOR A YEAR
AND RENTED A LIMO FOR YOU, AND ALL HE GOT WAS SECOND BASE?
I MEAN, WH... - UM, HELLO.
HE GOT TO SECOND BASE WITH...YOU KNOW.
[laughs] YOU KNOW... - SARAH BRAVERMAN.
- I MEAN, COME ON. [laughs]
OH, GOD. - SERIOUSLY.
- LISTEN, SARAH...
THERE'S SOMETHING I WANNA SHOW YOU.
- THE RETRACTABLE GOLF SHOE?
- THAT'S RIGHT. SPIKES RETRACT
SO YOU CAN FINISH A ROUND OF GOLF,
AND THEY CONVERT RIGHT INTO A WALKING SHOE.
THERE'S THE FLIPPEROO.
IT'S A WALKING SHOE THAT CONVERTS TO A FLIP-FLOP.
- DID ANY OF THESE GET MADE? - NOT EXACTLY.
- I KNOW WHY YOU'RE SHOWING ME THIS.
- WHY IS THAT?
- YOU'RE SHOWING ME ALL YOUR FAILURES
SO THAT I DON'T FEEL BAD ABOUT MINE.
YOU'RE VERY SWEET.
- SARAH...
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- WHAT WOULD DANNY ZELKIND DO?
HMM?
- ♪ IS THIS LOVE, IS THIS LOVE ♪
♪ IS THIS LOVE, IS THIS LOVE ♪
♪ THAT I'M FEELING?
- ♪ THAT I'M FEELING, YEAH ♪
- ♪ IS THIS LOVE, IS THIS LOVE ♪
♪ IS THIS LOVE, IS THIS LOVE ♪
♪ THAT I'M FEELING?
♪ OOH
♪ IS THIS LOVE, LOVE?
- SYDNEY, COME HELP ME WITH MY DRUM SET.
- OH, BOY.
- YOU JUST POP IT RIGHT ON TOP.
- DAMN, JOEL, YOU'RE GOOD! - IT'S PRETTY ADVANCED.
- [giggles] - HEY, JASMINE, I'D BE REMISS
IN MY DUTY AS THE LAST TO MARRY A BRAVERMAN
IF I DIDN'T TELL YOU SOMETHING. - WHAT?
- IT'S NOT TOO LATE. - HMM?
- YOU CAN STILL SAVE YOURSELF. - HA HA HA!
- YOU THINK YOU'RE MARRYING ONE,
BUT YOU'RE ACTUALLY MARRYING THE WHOLE GANG.
- YEAH. I KINDA SENSE THAT. - YEAH.
AND THEY'RE ALL CRAZY. - SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
- NO, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO.
IT'S INFECTIOUS. BRAVERMANTITUS.
IT SLOWLY EATS AWAY AT YOUR BRAIN
UNTIL YOU BECOME EXACTLY LIKE THEM.
- WHAT? WHITE? - WHITE.
- IT'S THAT STRONG? - IT'S THAT STRONG.
- SO JASMINE
THINKS I SHOULD SELL THE BOAT.
- WHY WOULDN'T YOU SELL THE BOAT?
- WELL, FOR ONE, I HAVE A HISTORY
OF SELLING THINGS AND THEN REGRETTING IT,
LIKE MY '68 TELECASTER?
I SOLD IT, AND A YEAR LATER, IT TRIPLED IN VALUE.
- WELL, THE BOAT'S NOT GONNA TRIPLE IN VALUE.
THE BOAT'S GONNA SINK. - YEP.
WELL, IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT THE MONEY, YOU KNOW.
I HAD SOME OF MY SEMINAL MOMENTS ON THAT BOAT.
- YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE NOW?
- NO, NOT JUST THAT, YOU KNOW.
I CAME OF AGE ON THERE.
I'VE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH THAT BOAT
FOR A LONG TIME.
AND JABBAR LIKES IT.
- JABBAR'S SIX.
- WELL, THE BOAT'S PART OF ME.
I'M A BOAT GUY.
AND HE AGREES. - OKAY.
CROS.
SELL THE BOAT.
YOU'RE A GROWNUP.
- OKAY, LET'S TAKE A BREAK. - DAD, COME ON.
WE GOT SO MUCH CRAP TO PACK,
I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR A BREAK. - I SAID...LET'S TAKE A BREAK.
I WANNA TALK TO YOU ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT.
- I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
- I KNOW YOU DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.
I KNOW...IT'S HARD
TO TALK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS.
- WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M NOT SURE.
- DAD, COME ON. THAT GUY WAS A JACKASS, RIGHT?
AND HE SAID THINGS HE SHOULDN'T HAVE AND, YOU KNOW,
PAID THE PRICE.
I THINK ANYBODY WOULD HAVE PUNCHED THAT GUY.
- YEAH.
ADAM. - WHAT?
- EVER SINCE YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY,
YOU'VE ALWAYS MANAGED TO BE IN CONTROL.
IT ASTOUNDED ME.
AND I...
I SO...ADMIRED YOU FOR THAT.
AND I STILL DO.
- I GUESS SOMEBODY HAD TO BE IN CONTROL, RIGHT?
I MEAN, I WAS JUST TRYING TO BALANCE YOU OUT, YOU KNOW,
'CAUSE YOU WERE JUST EXPLOSIVE ALL THE TIME.
YOU'D EVEN YELL AT A STRANGER.
REMEMBER THAT WAITRESS WHO SPILLED THE SOUP IN YOUR LAP?
YOU KNOW, OR WHEN CROSBY BROKE THOSE BLACK CHESS PIECES
MADE OUT OF ONYX,
YOU KNOW, YOU WERE SO ENRAGED ABOUT...
OR WHEN SARAH AND SETH CAME HOME STONED
AT 3:00 A.M. FROM THAT CONCERT.
YOU WENT BERSERK ON THAT GUY.
- [laughs]
I WAS JUST TRYING NOT TO BE LIKE YOU, SO...
THE FACT THAT YOU ADMIRE THAT IS PRETTY FUNNY.
BUT NOW I'M THE ANGRY GUY, YOU KNOW?
NOW I'M ANGRY AT EVERYTHING.
I-I'M ANGRY THAT I HAD TO FIRE PEOPLE AT WORK
BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY, BECAUSE I WORK FOR A JACKASS
WHO'S BEEN PROMISING ME FOR 15 YEARS
THAT HE'S GONNA GIVE ME PART OWNERSHIP OF THE COMPANY,
AND HE NEVER WILL.
I'M PISSED OFF THAT I HAVE TO HOLD SARAH'S HAND,
THAT SHE CAN'T GO AND FIND A JOB ON HER OWN.
YOU KNOW, I'M PISSED OFF I CAN'T DO MORE FOR MY SON.
I'M PISSED OFF THAT HE HAS ASPERGER'S.
I'M PISSED OFF THAT YOU ADMIRE ME
FOR BEING IN CONTROL,
BECAUSE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT ANY OF IT.
I CAN'T SAVE THOSE PEOPLE'S JOBS,
I CAN'T MAKE MY KID NOT HAVE ASPERGER'S,
I CAN'T KEEP SOME ASSHOLE FROM CALLING HIM A RETARD
IN A SUPERMARKET,
SO WHAT GOOD DOES IT DO ME TO CONTROL MY FEELINGS?
AND HONESTLY, IT FELT GOOD WHEN I HIT THAT GUY.
IT FELT GOOD NOT TO BE IN CONTROL.
I'M JUST ANGRY ALL THE TIME.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T GO AROUND
PUNCHING PEOPLE IN SUPERMARKETS.
- I GOT YOUR BACK, ADAM.
- THANKS, POP.
I'M GONNA GO PACK SOME STUFF UP.
- OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD.
WE HAVE TO GO. GORDON, GET UP, GET UP.
I'M SORRY, WE HAVE TO GO. WE HAVE TO GO RIGHT NOW.
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHAT TIME IS IT?
- OH, MY GOD, I HAVE TO GET HOME. I DIDN'T EVEN CALL.
THEY'RE GONNA KNOW THAT I DIDN'T COME HOME.
IT'S 4:30! IT'S 4:30! - OKAY. OKAY.
- OH, MY GOD!
- AMBER.
AMBER, WAKE UP. - WHAT?
- SERIOUSLY, GET UP. MOM'S NOT HOME.
- WHAT? - I DON'T KNOW.
MOM'S NOT HOME. - WHAT TIME IS IT?
- EXACTLY. IT'S LIGHT OUTSIDE.
- DID YOU CALL HER? - YES, I CALLED HER.
AND SHE WON'T CALL ME BACK. - YOU CHECKED THE GUEST HOUSE?
- YEAH, I CHECKED THE GUEST HOUSE.
SHE'S NOT THERE. LIKE, SHE'S NOT HERE.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
I GUESS WE SHOULD WAKE UP NANA AND POP.
- ♪ TROUBLE
♪ SEEMS TO BE
♪ TROUBLE
- YEAH, OKAY. THANKS A LOT.
- OKAY. - OKAY.
- THAT WAS FUN. - OKAY. YEAH, ME TOO.
- YEAH. BYE. - BYE.
- ♪ FOLLOW-OW-OWING ME
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
- ♪ SHOULD I MAKE IT BACK ALIVE ♪
- OKAY. [sighs]
- ♪ THERE'S NOTHING MORE I'D LIKE TO ERASE ♪
♪ AND EVERY TRUCK OR TRACK [tap on door]
♪ I LAID BEHIND, SOME... ♪
- OH, YOU'RE UP. HI.
WELL, LUCKY ME.
I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA HAVE TO MAKE MY OWN COFFEE.
GOOD MORNING.
HOW IS EVERYBODY? - HERE SHE IS.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? ARE YOU TRYING TO FOOL US?
ARE YOU 12 YEARS OLD? - IT'S 6:30 IN THE MORNING.
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA BELIEVE THIS, BUT IT WAS FOR WORK.
- WHAT? - AND THEN IT GOT--IT GOT STUCK.
- NO, IT WASN'T, MOM. - SORRY, HONEY.
I'M REALLY SORRY, I--
- MOM, SO NEXT TIME YOU'RE GONNA BE AT WORK
UNTIL 6:00 IN THE MORNING,
DO YOU THINK YOU COULD AT LEAST SEND US A TEXT MESSAGE?
- OF COURSE, I KNOW. I JUST--I DIDN'T WANT TO CALL
AND WORRY EVERYBODY AND WAKE YOU UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
- I'M GETTING READY FOR SCHOOL.
- YOU KNOW, HE CAME IN AND HE WOKE ME UP,
AND HE WAS HYSTERICAL.
- I'M REALLY SORRY.
I-I ABSOLUTELY DID THE WRONG THING.
[whispering] SORRY.
- WELL, YOU'RE HOME NOW, SO...
- ♪ FOLLOWIN' ME
- I CAN'T BELIEVE JOEL DIDN'T BUILD THIS ONE.
- HE DID BUILD ALL THE OTHERS.
- WELL, DON'T DEFEND HIM.
- ARE YOU JEALOUS? - OF JULIA'S WIFE? NO.
I'M NOT TOO JEALOUS. - HEY!
- WHAT? - THAT'S NOT VERY NICE.
- WELL, I'M SORRY, I'M JUST A LITTLE BIT...
FRUSTRATED WITH MY BROTHER AND SISTERS
AND YOU FOR NOT TAKING
THIS SELLING THE BOAT THING SERIOUSLY.
- WELL, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING?
HOW ARE WE NOT TAKING IT SERIOUSLY?
- WELL, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT, YOU KNOW?
EVERYONE'S JUST TAKING IT FOR GRANTED
THAT I'M GONNA SELL THE BOAT, AND MAYBE I WON'T.
OR MAYBE I WILL. I DON'T KNOW.
BUT IT'S A BIG DEAL.
I WISH EVERYONE WOULD TREAT IT LIKE THAT.
LOOK, SOMEDAY, SOMEHOW,
SOMEBODY IS GONNA HONOR THE BOAT.
AND THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING. HONOR THE BOAT.
I NEED A HAMMER.
- LISTEN, UM, THIS TRADITION, YOU KNOW, OF, UM...
THAT GORDON HAS, IT KIND OF TURNED INTO SOMETHING
KIND OF PERSONAL AND-- - YEAH? SOUNDS LIKE YOU WERE
OUT KINDA LATE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW? - 'CAUSE I GOT A CALL
FROM MOM AND DAD. - THEY CALLED YOU?
OH, GOD, THEY DID? WHEN? - THIS MORNING.
THEY WERE LOOKING FOR YOU.
- OKAY, THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER STORY.
LISTEN, IT REALLY DID START OUT AS WORK.
- SARAH, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
IT'S OVER. WHAT'S DONE IS DONE, OKAY?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT'S DONE IS DONE?
- SARAH, I HAD TO FIRE SEVEN PEOPLE HERE.
- I KNOW! - SO THE FACT THAT YOU
AND GORDON CHOSE TO GO OUT AND GET HAMMERED
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY-- - THAT'S WHY I WISH
THAT MY IDEA HAD WORKED, WHICH I STILL THINK IT COULD--
- WHOA... - AND I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND--
- WHAT'S GOIN' ON HERE?
- YOU THINK I DON'T CARE ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE'S JOBS?
- WHAT'S THIS? - I DO. HI.
- WHAT'S HAPPENING? - NOTHING.
- WHAT'S UP?
- NOTHING, MY ASS. YOU GUYS ARE FIGHTING.
- NO. - NO, NO, CARRY ON, I LIKE THIS.
- WHAT'S UP, CROSBY? WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- UM...
I'M SELLING THE HOUSEBOAT.
- OH. - YEAH?
- WELL, I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD ALL GET TOGETHER
AND HAVE KIND OF LIKE A FAREWELL TO THE--TO THE BOAT.
- FARE-FAREWELL TO THE BOAT PARTY?
- YEAH, A FAREWELL TO THE BOAT.
- OKAY, ALL RIGHT-- - IT HAPPENS TO BE
WHERE I BECAME AN ADULT.
IT'S THE ONLY PLACE I'VE EVER CALLED HOME,
OTHER THAN MOM AND DAD'S.
- WHEN'S THE FAREWELL PARTY FOR THE BOAT?
- IMMEDIATELY. TONIGHT. - OH, GOD.
- CROSBY, OBVIOUSLY, I NEED MORE NOTICE THAN THE DAY OF.
- I GOT IN TROUBLE LAST NIGHT. I CAN'T. I CAN'T.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALK-- YOU NEED NOT--
YOU'RE NOT THE PRESIDENT.
YOU THINK NEIL ARMSTRONG GAVE NOTICE
WHEN HE MADE A SMALL STEP FOR MAN
AND A GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND?
- WELL, YOU KNOW, I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THEY PLANNED ON THAT
FOR WELL OVER A DECADE, SO...
- I THINK SOME PEOPLE HAD NOTICE, LIKE HIS WIFE.
- YOU GET WHAT I'M SAYING.
LISTEN, CROSBY'S GONNA MAKE A GIGANTIC LEAP,
AND I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU GUYS WOULD WANNA BE THERE.
both: OH, IF CROSBY'S... - ABOUT TO MAKE A GIANT LEAP.
- THEN I WANNA BE THERE, FOR SURE.
- YEAH, IF CROSBY IS, THEN I'M GONNA DO MY BEST TO BE THERE.
- CROSBY SHOULD KNOW THAT SARAH'S GONNA TRY TO BE THERE.
- YEAH, OKAY. YOU GUYS WERE IN A FIGHT,
AND NOW YOU'RE TRYING TO BRING ME INTO IT.
BUT I'M NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN THAT.
I'VE KINDA GOT MY OWN STUFF. GLAD I COULD AMUSE YOU.
- I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO, CROS.
GET BACK TO WORK. - OKAY.
- HEY, ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
- HEY.
UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
ARE YOU BUSY, OR-- - YEAH, SURE, COME IN.
- OKAY. UM...
I JUST WANTED TO... APOLOGIZE FOR YESTERDAY
AND SAY THAT I HOPE IT DOESN'T
INTERFERE WITH, YOU KNOW, WHAT WE'VE BEEN DOING HERE.
'CAUSE I WANNA KEEP DOING IT.
- I'M AN ALCOHOLIC.
I'VE BEEN IN RECOVERY FOR FIVE MONTHS...
AND I'M TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE
RELATIONSHIPS, ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS,
JUST AREN'T GOOD FOR ME RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH. OKAY.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY EITHER,
BECAUSE...
BECAUSE I LIKE YOU.
AND IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTIVE,
BECAUSE YOU ARE.
YOU'RE REALLY AMAZING, ACTUALLY.
IT'S JUST I'M NOT IN A PLACE
TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THOSE FEELINGS RIGHT NOW.
- OKAY.
- YOU UNDERSTAND? LIKE...
- UH...
IS THAT WHY YOU-- YOU DROPPED OUT OF SCHOOL?
'CAUSE OF DRINKING? - THAT'S ONE OF THE REASONS.
YEAH. - ALL RIGHT.
AND YOU... THEN YOU GO TO MEETINGS.
- MEETINGS. I HAVE A SPONSOR.
WORK WITH THE PROGRAM. THE WHOLE NINE.
- THAT'S A LOT.
- YEAH.
- UH...WELL,
CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT THIS IN MY DIARY.
- I GET A JOURNAL LOG.
- YEAH. YEAH. MM-HMM. - I FEEL SPECIAL.
- "DEAR DIARY, I TALKED TO A DROPOUT ALCOHOLIC."
[laughs] SORRY. "HE WAS GREAT. HE WAS SO NICE."
- REALLY? - I HAD NO IDEA.
- JUST...A NORMAL GUY. - YEAH. ABSOLUTELY.
- ♪ SEE A MOUNTAIN, SEE AN OCEAN ♪
- OKAY. UM, WELL, I'M JUST...
FINISHING UP WORK, SO...
- YEAH? ALL RIGHT. - YEAH.
- WELL, SEE YOU LATER. - OKAY.
- ♪ SETTLE DOWN I SAID TO MYSELF ♪
♪ THINGS THAT COME WITH TIME
♪ WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER
[overlapping chatter, laughter]
- WELL, THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME YOU WERE ON TOUR IN AUSTRALIA...
- UH-HUH.
- AND IT HIT ME, MOM AND DAD HAD SYDNEY
AND JOEL AND I HAD DINNER RESERVATIONS,
AND WE NEVER MADE IT TO THE DINNER RESERVATIONS.
WE JUST-- - CAME HERE?
- WE JUST CAME HERE. - YOU USED MY BOUDOIR?
- WE...USED IT ALL UP.
- REALLY? YOU AND JOEL?
- YOU DID? - YES. IS IT THAT SURPRISING?
- UM, THE JOEL PART. YEAH.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE SELLING IT
BEFORE I GOT A CHANCE TO DO SOMETHING FOR US HERE.
- HOW 'BOUT YOU, ADAM?
DID YOU EVER USE MY HOME AS A CHEAP HOURLY MOTEL?
- OH, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
OF COURSE I HAVE.
- WHAT? - WHAT!
- NO, YOU HAVEN'T!
- WHEN? - WITH WHO?
[laughter]
- COUPLE OF TIMES, KRISTINA AND I WENT INTO THE CITY,
AND HADDIE HAD A BABYSITTER AND WE...
- WHAT? - CHECKED TO SEE
IF THE LOVE BOAT WAS UNOCCUPIED.
- OH, MY GOD! - OH!
- LITTLE DID I KNOW I WAS LIVING ON A FLOATING BROTHEL.
- EVERYTHING'S BETTER IN THE SALT AIR.
- I GOTTA SAY, I'M, UH...
I'M KINDA SCARED.
- ABOUT SELLING THE BOAT?
- ABOUT MOVING IN WITH JASMINE AND JABBAR?
- ABOUT MARRIAGE?
- ABOUT SCREWING THE WHOLE THING UP.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S A BIG CHANGE.
IT'S NORMAL THAT YOU FEEL SCARED.
I'D BE WORRIED IF YOU DIDN'T FEEL THAT WAY.
- YEAH. WELL, I HAVE SCREWED UP EVERY RELATIONSHIP
I'VE EVER HAD, SO...
- WELL, THIS ONE'S DIFFERENT.
- BECAUSE OF JABBAR?
- YEP.
- AND BECAUSE YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
- AND YOU GUYS ARE GONNA HELP ME
STAY ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW?
- MM...OKAY. - GOT MY EYE ON YOU, BUDDY.
- I'LL HELP YOU.
- ♪ 'CAUSE I NEED YOU NOW
- OKAY, THEN!
PLEASE JOIN ME ON THE BACK OF THE BOAT...
- OH, MY GOODNESS!
- COME ON, YOU THINK THAT NEIL ARMSTRONG WASN'T SCARED
WHEN HE TOOK THAT FIRST STEP ON THE MOON?
- DON'T ENCOURAGE HIM.
- I KNEW YOU LOVED THAT METAPHOR.
OKAY...
- DO IT! - 3, 2, 1.
[making landing sound]
- ONE SMALL STEP FOR THIS BACHELOR...
- ONE GIANT LEAP FOR...
- FAMILY.
- [laughs]
YOU'RE GONNA BE ALL RIGHT. - GOOD WORK.
- ♪ SAVE ME
♪ COME ON, SAVE ME
♪ COME ON, SAVE ME ♪
- HI!
I'M HOME. I'M ON TIME.
I ONLY HAD ONE BEER.
HA. TOO SOON?
YOU GUYS, I REALLY DEFINITELY MADE A MISTAKE,
AND, UM, I'M SORRY AGAIN.
CAN WE JUST MOVE ON?
- I DON'T KNOW, MOM.
- WE--WE JUST...
DON'T WANNA TALK RIGHT NOW.
- ALL RIGHT.
CARRY ON.
TOUGH ROOM.
COULD I GET JUST ONE SMALL BREAK?
SERIOUSLY. DID I EVER TORTURE YOU LIKE THAT?
- WELL...NO.
'CAUSE, UH... I NEVER SCREWED UP.
- OH. THE WORLD'S ONLY PERFECT MOTHER.
I REMEMBER YOU. - [chuckles]
SO WHAT'S THE STORY WITH THIS GUY GORDON?
- I DON'T KNOW. HE'S...REALLY GREAT.
HE'S...YOU KNOW, HE RUNS THIS COMPANY.
HE TRAVELS. HE'S FUNNY.
HE'S SMART. HE...
HE LIKES ME, MOM.
HE'S SWEET.
- OF COURSE HE'S SWEET.
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU DESERVE.
- YEAH.
THEY JUST DON'T GET IT, THOUGH, HUH?
WHY DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND?
- 'CAUSE THEY'RE BRATS.
THAT'S ALL.
- THEY ARE REALLY ROTTEN LITTLE BRATS.
- [giggles]
- I JUST LOVE MY ROTTEN LITTLE BRATS.
- OF COURSE YOU DO.
- HEY. - HEY.
[spits] HOW'D IT GO?
- OH, IT WAS FUN. - MM-HMM.
- IT WAS...TYPICAL CROSBY.
A LOTTA DRINKS AND NO FOOD.
- YEP.
- I PUNCHED A GUY THE OTHER DAY.
- WHAT?
- IT WAS AT THE SUPERMARKET. I HIT A GUY.
WE WERE, UH, STANDING IN THE EXPRESS LINE,
AND MAX GOT UPSET BECAUSE-- YOU KNOW, HE COUNTED
THAT THE GUY HAD 17 ITEMS INSTEAD OF 10,
AND, UH... SOME WORDS WERE EXCHANGED.
HE CALLED MAX A RETARD, AND I HIT HIM.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
HE CALLED MAX A RETARD.
- YEAH. - HMM.
I'M GLAD YOU HIT HIM.
IS THE GUY OKAY?
- HE'LL LIVE.
- WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS?
- I WAS EMBARRASSED.
- HONEY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE EMBARRASSED WITH ME.
I'M YOUR WIFE, YOU KNOW?
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON, KRISTINE.
I'M JUST-- I'M ANGRY ALL THE TIME,
AND I'M ANGRY FOR BEING ANGRY BUT...
I AM UNDER ALL THIS STRESS,
AND I KNOW THAT'S NO EXCUSE, BUT...
YOU KNOW WHAT THE SCARY THING IS?
- HMM?
- IT FELT GREAT.
IT FELT REALLY GREAT.
IT'S LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF JUSTICE.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE I'M A LITTLE MORE LIKE MY DAD
THAN I WANT TO ADMIT.
- OH, NO. NO, NO, NO.
YOU'RE NOT LIKE YOUR DAD.
HONEY, YOU ARE NOTHING LIKE YOUR DAD.
OKAY?
I JUST, I--
I WANT YOU TO BE ABLE TO TELL ME EVERYTHING, OKAY?
ALWAYS, EVEN IF IT'S NOT PRETTY AND...
OKAY, SLUGGO? [laughs]
YOU HIT HIM.
I'M NOT LAUGHING, BUT IT'S JUST...
BABE...WE HAVE TO FIND SOME WAYS
FOR YOU TO GET RID OF THIS STRESS.
IT'S NOT GOOD.
- MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE UP RACQUETBALL. HMM?
- UH-UH.
- OH, YOU HAVE SOMETHING IN MIND?
- MM-HMM.
- MMM.
- I JUST WANT YOU TO PROMISE ME
THAT YOU WON'T SAY THAT YOU'RE...
YOU'RE TURNING INTO OR YOU'RE LIKE--
- WHAT, MY DAD? - YEAH. JUST--I DON'T KNOW.
- ZEEK BRAVERMAN. - OH!
- HOW YOU DOIN'? - OH, NO, SEE.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. - [as Zeek] NOW, KRISTINA,
HAVE I EVER TOLD YOU ABOUT R&R IN BANGKOK?
- NO. THAT IS FREAKY, AND IT'S NOT SEXY.
I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU. - I'LL TELL YOU ABOUT
STRESS AND TENSION-- I BEEN OUT ON THE FRONT LINES.
- STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - OKAY?
HEY... [laughing]
- I LOVE YOU. - [giggles] I LOVE YOU.
- ♪ AND IF I HAD A PONY [kiss]
♪ I'D RIDE HIM ON MY BOAT
♪ AND WE COULD ALL TOGETHER ♪
♪ GO OUT ON THE OCEAN
♪ ME UPON ON MY PONY ON MY BOAT ♪
- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
- I JUST WANNA TELL YOU
THAT I KNOW HOW MUCH THIS BOAT MEANS TO YOU,
AND...I WANNA HONOR THAT.
POP!
AND...
I WANNA SEND IT OFF THE RIGHT WAY.
- OH, MY GOD!
- OH, MY GOD...
- ♪ AND IF I WERE LIKE LIGHTNING ♪
♪ I WOULDN'T NEED NO SNEAKERS ♪
♪ WELL, I'D COME AND GO WHENEVER I WOULD PLEASE ♪
♪ AND I'D SCARE 'EM BY THE SHADE TREE ♪
♪ AND SCARE 'EM BY THE LIGHT POLE ♪
♪ BUT I WOULD NOT SCARE MY PONY ♪
♪ ON MY BOAT OUT ON THE SEA ♪
♪ AND IF I HAD A BOAT
♪ I'D GO OUT ON THE OCEAN
♪ AND IF I HAD A PONY
♪ I'D RIDE HIM ON MY BOAT
♪ AND WE COULD ALL TOGETHER
♪ GO OUT ON THE OCEAN
♪ SAID ME UPON MY PONY ON MY BOAT ♪
♪ SAID ME UPON MY PONY
♪ ON MY BOAT