- YOU WILL NEVER GUESS WHO I KEEP RUNNING INTO.
JIM KAZINSKY. - OH, JIM KAZINSKY.
HE WAS REAL CUTE.
- OH, MY GOD.
- YOU'RE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I REMEMBER YOU.
- REALLY? STOP TALKING.
- I GOT IT. IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU.
- EXACTLY. IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.
- DADDY, THIS IS STEVE.
- IT'S REALLY GOOD TO MEET YOU, SIR.
- WHAT'S UP?
- YOU ROBBED ME OF FIVE YEARS OF MY SON'S LIFE.
- WHY DON'T YOU COME JOIN ME IN THE LIVING ROOM?
THERE'S SOMETHING I WANT TO SHOW YOU.
- WELL, YOU WANT TO TELL ME HOW THIS HAPPENED, BUG?
- YOU KNOW SKIPPY FROM NEXT DOOR?
HE RAN IN AND KNOCKED IT DOWN.
- HUH.
YOU KNOW, THE MONROES DON'T HAVE A DOG ANYMORE.
- SKIPPY CAME BACK.
- SKIPPY'S...
SKIPPY WENT TO THE COUNTRY
AFTER THAT THING WITH THE CAR.
I DON'T THINK HE'S COMING BACK.
- WELL, HE DID.
- JOEL, DON'T.
WHOEVER BROKE IT WILL CLEAN IT UP.
- SKIPPY DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO CLEAN, MOM.
- SKIPPY DIDN'T BREAK THE VASE, BUG.
- YES, HE DID. I SAW HIM.
- THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR LYING.
- BUT YOU'RE A LIAR.
- NO, BABY, I'M A LAWYER.
- HARMONY'S MOM SAID THEY'RE THE SAME THING.
- [clears throat]
JUST TELL ME THE TRUTH.
DID YOU BREAK THE VASE?
- NO. DID YOU?
- HEY, IS THAT PERIODIC TABLE TEST TODAY?
- OH. UM, NO.
NO, IT'S ACTUALLY MONDAY.
- COOL. - YEAH.
LOOK. LET THE GAMES BEGIN.
JEEZ. YOU KNOW, THEY SHOULD JUST USE THE MONEY FOR THE DANCE
FOR, LIKE, A VENDING MACHINE OR SOMETHING.
- ACTUALLY, I WAS GONNA GO.
I MEAN, WHY NOT, RIGHT?
- YEAH. YEAH.
- SEE YA.
- OKAY.
DOES IT EVEN MATTER
WHAT I WEAR TO A SCHOOL DANCE?
- OF COURSE IT MATTERS,
BECAUSE LINDSAY IS THERE,
AND YOU'VE HAD A CRUSH ON LINDSAY FOR FOREVER,
AND YOU ARE, LIKE, IN LOVE WITH HER,
AND IF YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD,
SHE'S NOT GONNA BE INTO YOU.
- I NEED YOU TO PICK FIVE SCHOOLS,
BECAUSE WE ARE GOING ON YOUR COLLEGE TOUR.
THERE'S A BUNCH OF CATALOGUES HERE.
- I REALLY THINK THIS IS CUTE.
WAIT A SECOND. THE COLLEGE TOUR?
I THOUGHT WE COULDN'T AFFORD IT.
- YES. NO, WELL, I PICKED UP EXTRA SHIFTS,
'CAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT,
AND YOU'RE GONNA COME WORK WITH ME TOMORROW NIGHT.
- OH, AT THE BAR?
- NO, WE HAVE A CATERING GIG AT CAL,
- THIS IS IN THE TOP CHOICES. - AND IT'S A POETRY READING,
AND SO YOU'RE GONNA... - POETRY READING?
YEAH, I'D ACTUALLY RATHER SELL AN ORGAN,
BUT THANKS FOR INVITING ME. - WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT,
IF YOU DON'T CHANGE THAT ATTITUDE,
IT MAY COME TO THAT, 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK
YOU NEED BOTH LIVERS, ANYWAY.
- WHAT ABOUT THIS? - THAT'S NOT GOOD.
WHY DO YOU THINK THAT ME
GIVING LITTLE TINY HORS D'OEUVRES TO ENGLISH MAJORS
IS GONNA MAKE ME WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE?
- WELL, WHAT IS GONNA MAKE YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE?
- NOTHING, 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO.
- YOU DON'T SEEM TO GET THAT THIS IS THE YEAR.
THIS IS YOUR JUNIOR YEAR.
THIS IS THE YEAR THAT IS THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN "PAGING DR. BRAVERMAN"
OR "DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH THAT?"
THIS IS THE YEAR.
- REALLY? DR. BRAVERMAN? I DON'T THINK SO.
- YES, IT'S POSSIBLE. IF YOU JUST--UGH.
JUST PICK FIVE SCHOOLS, AMBER.
WHY IS IT SO HARD? THAT'S CUTE. WEAR THAT.
- IT'S CUTE, RIGHT?
- HONEY, LISTEN, IF YOU'RE GONNA WEAR A T-SHIRT,
WEAR A BLAZER, OKAY?
YOU LOOK SO CUTE IN A BLAZER.
SO CUTE.
- ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU.
- OH, GOD!
- ELLIOT.
- [laughs]
- ELLIOT. ELLIOT.
[TV continues indistinct]
- OH, COME ON.
HE DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT
TO THE FLYING BIKES PART.
- IT'S TOO LATE.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO WAKE HIM UP?
- MM-MM.
- HERE, I'LL GRAB HIM.
OKAY.
- E.T.
- OKAY.
HERE YOU GO, BUDDY.
GOOD NIGHT.
I SHOULD GO.
- YEAH. - OKAY.
OH.
- HI, HONEY.
GUESS WHAT. GUESS WHAT. GUESS WHAT.
- WHAT? - DENISE JUST CALLED,
AND SHE IS ANNOUNCING HER CANDIDACY
FOR LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR IN SACRAMENTO THIS WEEKEND.
- REALLY? THAT'S GREAT. GOOD FOR HER.
- I KNOW. IT'S AMAZING.
AND SHE WANTS ME TO COME DOWN AND HELP HER OUT.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, HELP HER WITH HER SPEECHES,
AND THINGS LIKE THAT.
- JUST LIKE OLD TIMES, HUH?
- YEAH, I TOLD HER THERE'S PROBABLY NO WAY
WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S GOING ON WITH MAX,
AND HE'S GETTING ACCLIMATED, AND YOUR WORK--
- WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU SAID NO?
- YEAH, I TOLD HER NO.
- BUT IT'S JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.
- YEAH, LIKE, THREE DAYS.
- WELL, HONEY, THIS IS MAJOR.
IT'S HUGE. I MEAN, YOU WERE WITH HER FROM THE BEGINNING.
- SO SHOULD I DO IT? ARE YOU TELLING ME TO DO IT?
- YEAH. - REALLY?
- SOUNDS TO ME LIKE THE FUTURE LIEUTENANT GOVERNOR NEEDS YOU.
- HONEY, THAT IS SO AWESOME.
I WON'T BE GONE LONGER THAN THAT. I PROMISE.
WHAT IS THIS? - I DON'T KNOW.
JUST A LITTLE SOMETHING-SOMETHING
THAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY.
- I THINK I KNOW WHAT THIS IS.
- I THINK YOU DO TOO.
YOW. - WOW.
- NICE.
- YOU DIRTY DOG.
HONEY.
- WOOF.
- I HOPE IT FITS ME.
THIS LEFT BOOB IS A LITTLE BIT BIGGER THAN THE RIGHT.
- I LIKE THAT RIGHT THERE.
[purrs]
- WHAT INSPIRED THIS LITTLE BIT OF NAUGHTINESS?
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO I MEAN?
I MEAN, YOU ORDERED IT.
- NO, I DIDN'T. - YOU DIDN'T?
- NO, I DIDN'T ORDER THIS.
DID YOU LOOK AT THE PACKAGE?
DID IT COME...
HMM.
YOU CAN READ IT.
- "H. BRAVERMAN."
HADDIE?
HAD--GET IT OFF ME.
GET IT OFF. GET IT OFF.
- ♪ MAY GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALWAYS ♪
♪ MAY YOUR WISHES ALL COME TRUE ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS DO FOR OTHERS ♪
♪ AND LET OTHERS DO FOR YOU
♪ MAY YOU BUILD A LADDER TO THE STARS ♪
♪ AND CLIMB ON EVERY RUNG
♪ AND MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
♪ MAY YOU GROW UP TO BE RIGHTEOUS ♪
♪ MAY YOU GROW UP TO BE TRUE ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS KNOW THE TRUTH ♪
♪ AND SEE THE LIGHT SURROUNDING YOU ♪
♪ MAY YOU ALWAYS BE COURAGEOUS ♪
♪ STAND UPRIGHT AND BE STRONG ♪
♪ AND MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
♪ MAY YOU STAY
♪ FOREVER YOUNG
- HI.
- OH, HEY, HONEY.
GOOD MORNING. - MORNING.
- HEY, IS MAX AWAKE YET?
- UM, YEAH, I THINK HE'S JUST CHANGING.
- OH, OKAY, GOOD.
OH, BEFORE I FORGET,
A PACKAGE CAME FOR YOU YESTERDAY.
FROM VICTORIA'S SECRET?
IT GOT OPENED ACCIDENTALLY.
I'M NOT SURE HOW. IT JUST--
- MOM? - HMM?
- HOW WOULD A PACKAGE WITH MY NAME ON IT
GET OPENED ACCIDENTALLY?
- WELL, I THINK YOUR FATHER
ASSUMED THAT IT WAS FOR ME,
SO THEREFORE HE OPENED IT. - OH, THAT'S REALLY GROSS.
- ANYWAY, HE THREW IT AWAY, SO IT DOESN'T MATTER.
- WHAT? - MM-HMM.
HE WAS GONNA BURN IT, BUT, YOU KNOW,
HE FIGURED PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA.
- MOM, I SPENT MY MONEY ON THAT.
THAT'S EXPENSIVE.
- I KNOW THAT YOU DID.
THAT'S WHY I RESCUED IT.
- THANK YOU.
- SO, HADDIE, CAN I JUST ASK YOU A QUESTION?
WHY WOULD YOU BUY YOURSELF A BRA LIKE THAT?
- I'M NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS WITH YOU.
- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S FINE.
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TALK TO DAD ABOUT IT, THEN,
BECAUSE HE'S REALLY CURIOUS AS TO WHY...
- OH, YOU WOULD NOT DO THAT. - YES, I WOULD.
I'LL CALL HIM RIGHT NOW.
- ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW? JUST ASK.
- DID YOU BUY THAT BRA FOR STEVE?
- MOM... - HMM?
- YOU KNOW STEVE DOESN'T HAVE BOOBS.
I'M NOT GONNA BUY HIM A BRA.
DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
- HADDIE, DID YOU BUY IT FOR STEVE?
- NO, OKAY? I BOUGHT IT FOR MYSELF, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S PRETTY AND IT'S SEXY,
AND, I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO THINK ABOUT ME,
BUT I'M A WOMAN.
- YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME SOMETHING.
YOU HAVE TO PROMISE ME THAT YOU'RE BEING SMART,
AND YOU'RE BEING CAREFUL,
AND YOU'RE NOT HAVING SEX.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK SEX IS?
- I DON'T KNOW. ANYTHING BEYOND MAKING OUT, OR--
- THAT'S YOUR DEFINITION OF SEX?
- FOR YOU.
- I THINK I HAVE TO GET READY FOR SCHOOL.
LIKE YOU SAID, I CAN'T BE LATE AGAIN.
- I TRUST YOU.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU THINK YOU MADE OUT WITH HER?
- IT'S THE MOTHER OF MY CHILD.
- SO WHAT, THAT'S SOMEHOW WARPED YOUR MEMORY?
- I WATCHED THE VIDEO
OF MY SON COMING OUT OF HER INSIDES.
- OH, OH, HUGE MISTAKE FOR YOU.
- YEAH. - YEAH.
- HUGE MISTAKE.
- YEAH, NO MAN SHOULD HAVE TO WITNESS THAT UNPREPARED.
LEAST OF ALL YOU. - IT'S EXTREME.
- YEAH, YOU THINK YOU'RE GONNA RECOVER?
- DOES IT RECOVER?
- YEAH. YEAH, IT DOES. IN TIME.
- SO KRISTINA IS...?
- A--BA, BA, BA.
- OKAY.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK? YOU GUYS GONNA GET TOGETHER?
- YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S SAFER
IF WE JUST STAY FRIENDS.
- YEAH, THAT'S GOOD. YOU BETTER PLAY IT SAFE.
YEAH. GOOD IDEA.
- WELL, LOOK, IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN WALK AWAY FROM THIS ONE.
- GOOD FOR YOU, CROSBY.
- BUT THEN AGAIN, I'M ONLY HUMAN.
SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE. SO I DON'T KNOW.
- ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHAT DOES JASMINE
THINK ABOUT ALL THIS? - I DON'T KNOW.
- WELL, HAVE YOU CONSIDERED MAYBE ASKING HER?
- YOU KNOW, I JUST--I WISH THAT WE COULD JUST HANG OUT,
YOU KNOW, WITH NO KID, JUST THE TWO OF US,
AND KIND OF GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN,
BUT, YOU KNOW, NOW THE CART'S IN FRONT OF THE HORSE.
IT'S LIKE-- - WELL, THERE IS SOMETHING
THAT PEOPLE DO IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.
IT'S CALLED DATING. - HMM.
- HOW'S IT GOING, KRISTINA?
- IT'S--I HAVE A COUPLE OF CHOICES THAT I THINK MIGHT WORK.
- COME ON. - LET'S SEE 'EM.
- TA-DA! HOW DO I LOOK?
- UM...
- FROM THE DAVID BYRNE COLLECTION.
- WHO'S DAVID BYRNE? - JOAN COLLINS?
- CYBIL SHEPHERD'S LOST JACKET.
- YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME, AREN'T YOU?
- WERE YOU ON DYNASTY?
- I CAN'T DO IT.
- IT'S LIKE AN EPISODE OF HOARDERS.
WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU CLEANED THAT CLOSET?
- OH, MY GOD. YOU KNOW WHAT?
MY DAUGHTER HAS A BETTER WARDROBE THAN I DO.
- KRISTINA, LET ME FIND SOMETHING.
- WE'LL HELP YOU. SHE'LL HELP.
- OH, BY THE WAY, GUESS WHO STARTED BUYING BRAS.
- WHO? - FROM "VICTORIA SECRETS?"
- YOU? - HADDIE.
- UH-OH. - WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
- YES. VERY SEXY BRAS.
- HOW BAD IS IT? WHAT'S THE LACE TO BASE?
- THE WHAT? - IF IT'S REALLY LACEY,
IT MEANS SHE'S GOING FURTHER ON THE "BASEY."
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? SHE'S NOT DOING ANY OF THAT.
- FIRST BASE IS KISSING.
SECOND BASE IS-- WHAT IS SECOND BASE?
- THERE'S A LOT OF LACE, BUT SHE'S NOT DOING ANY OF THAT.
- OKAY, SECOND BASE IS READING TENNYSON.
- OKAY, STOP IT. - OKAY.
AND, UM, CAN I ASK YOU GUYS SOMETHING?
WHEN DID YOUR CHILDREN START LYING TO YOU?
- UH, IT WAS IN THE HOSPITAL, I THINK.
AMBER WAS BORN, AND SHE SAID, "IT WASN'T MY VODKA."
- REALLY? - OOH, HADDIE WAS TWO.
SHE SWORE TO ME THAT SHE DID NOT
STICK A LITTLE BEAD UP HER NOSE,
AND THE DOCTOR PULLED IT OUT
AND WAS LIKE, "HERE'S THE BEAD."
- SO THIS IS NORMAL? THAT'S WHAT KIDS DO...
- ESPECIALLY IN YOUR FAMILY.
- WAIT. WHAT?
- ESPECIALLY, YOU KNOW, SHE'D LEARN IT FROM YOU.
- WHY?
- 'CAUSE YOU'RE A-- A LAWYER.
THEY LIE.
- OKAY, I'M NOT GONNA GO INTO IT.
- LISTEN, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
IT WAS JUST A JOKE.
YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. YOU'RE SO SUCCESSFUL.
YOU'RE AMAZING AT YOUR JOB.
THERE'S NO BETTER ROLE MODEL OUT THERE.
I SERVE LIQUOR FOR A LIVING,
AND I DIDN'T GO TO COLLEGE,
AND NOW AMBER DOESN'T WANT TO GO,
'CAUSE I'M SUCH A GREAT ROLE MODEL, SO--
- WAIT. AMBER DOESN'T WANT TO GO?
- SHE'S GOTTA GO TO COLLEGE.
- I CAN'T MAKE HER DO ANYTHING.
- SHE'S GOING TO COLLEGE. - YES.
- OKAY, I MEAN, YEAH.
- YOU KNOW WHAT THE PROBLEM IS FOR MOTHERS?
- DAUGHTERS. - DAUGHTERS.
- AMEN.
[doorbell rings]
- HEY, DREW. COME ON IN.
- OH, THANKS.
HEY, MAX. - YOU ALL RIGHT?
- YEAH, I'M FINE, BUT...
- WHAT'S GOING ON?
- OH, UM...
OKAY, BASICALLY, THERE'S A SCHOOL DANCE COMING UP,
AND I'M REALLY NERVOUS ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DANCE.
THAT'S BASICALLY WHY I'M HERE.
AND I DIDN'T WANT TO ASK SOMEONE
WHO'S GONNA HUMILIATE ME,
MY SISTER OR SOMETHING.
- ALL RIGHT, DREW, SAY NO MORE.
LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TOOT MY OWN HORN,
BUT WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL
PEOPLE USED TO CALL ME "FEVER."
SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER? JOHN TRAVOLTA?
- OH, I HAVEN'T REALLY SEEN IT, BUT...
- DOESN'T MATTER. TELL YOU WHAT.
COME ON, HELP ME CLEAR OUT SOME SPACE HERE.
I'LL SHOW YOU A FEW MOVES.
ALL RIGHT, NOW LISTEN.
MOST IMPORTANT THING,
YOU GOT TO JUST RELAX.
YOU GOT TO SHUT THIS OFF,
TURN THIS ON.
THAT'S ALL I'M SAYING, OKAY?
- I'M REALLY TRYING.
- LET ME FIND THE RIGHT PIECE OF MUSIC.
ALL RIGHT. [Run-DMC's It's Tricky plays]
JUST FEEL THE MUSIC.
- NO...
I MEAN, THANK YOU, BUT... - FEEL THE MUSIC.
- NO, I MEANT, LIKE...
I MEANT MORE LIKE SLOW-DANCING TYPE OF...
- I KNOW SLOWDANCING,
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THE MUSIC IS, MAN.
YOU JUST GOT TO--YOU GOT TO FEEL THAT IN YOUR BODY.
START HERE. - OH, YEAH, SORRY.
- YOU MIGHT FEEL IT IN YOUR LEGS, YOUR ARMS,
YOUR FEET, SHOULDERS, YOUR RIB CAGE.
ALL OVER.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
- NO, BUT NOT LIKE THAT.
LIKE--LIKE WITH A PARTNER TYPE OF--
SLOW-DANCING TYPE OF THING.
NOT LIKE...
- HEY, YOU GUYS. DREW'S GOT A LITTLE DANCE COMING UP.
I'M JUST SHOWING HIM A FEW MOVES.
YOU KNOW WHAT, DREW,
YOU MIGHT EVEN WANT TO THROW SOME BIG STUFF.
YOU KNOW, SOME OF THE--HO! OOH!
- OH, NO, HE'S GONNA PUT HIS BACK OUT AGAIN.
- NO, I LIKE IT. - COME ON, DREW. GET OUT HERE.
MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO IS BE CONFIDENT, OKAY?
YOU ASK A GIRL TO DANCE WITH CONFIDENCE,
SHE CAN'T SAY NO.
- I'M SORRY. THANK YOU, THOUGH.
- LET ME SHOW YOU HOW IT'S DONE.
- ALL RIGHT. WHO'S READY FOR A PARTY?
- UH-OH. DID HE TELL YOU ABOUT THE FEVER?
- YEAH. - HE DID?
ONCE YOU UNLEASH THE FEVER, IT DOESN'T STOP.
- WHOO!
- BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S HARD NOT TO CATCH THE FEVER.
- I'M DOING MY BEST.
- ♪ IT'S TRICKY TO ROCK A RHYME ♪
♪ TO ROCK A RHYME THAT'S RIGHT ON TIME ♪
♪ IT'S TRICKY
♪ TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY, TRICKY ♪
- YOU CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR A SOCK?
- YEAH, WELL, I JUST COULDN'T STOP THINKING
ABOUT JABBAR WITH ONE COLD FOOT,
AND THEN GET FROSTBITE,
AND THEN HAVE A LIMP, AND...
YOU KNOW.
- THANKS.
HE'LL, UH--I'M SURE HE'LL APPRECIATE IT.
- OKAY. GOOD.
LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF WEIRD.
I MEAN, WE ALREADY HAVE A KID,
AND I'M KIND OF DOING THIS BACKWARDS,
BUT I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU.
I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW?
I'D LIKE TO GO OUT TO DINNER WITH YOU AND TALK,
WITHOUT ANY FLYING BICYCLES
OR EXTRATERRESTRIALS OR KIDS.
- YOU MEAN A DATE.
- YEAH.
YOU WANT TO DO THAT?
- YEAH. I GUESS.
- OH. WELL, I'M ONLY TAKING A "YES," SO...
- YES.
- OKAY.
- I GUESS I WILL SEE YOU ON SATURDAY.
- I GUESS YOU SHALL.
- HOW DO I LOOK? DO I LOOK OKAY?
DOES THIS SUIT LOOK OKAY? - YEAH.
- IT'S NICE, RIGHT? - YES.
- OKAY, LISTEN, I WANT YOU TO CALL ME
IF ANYTHING COMES UP AT ALL.
- OKAY.
- I NEED YOU TO HELP DAD WITH MAX, OKAY?
- RIGHT.
- I TRUST YOU.
- OKAY. - OKAY.
MAX, HONEY, LOOK AT MOM.
I NEED YOU TO BE A GOOD BOY FOR ME THIS WEEKEND, OKAY?
- I ALREADY SAID-- I ALREADY SAID THAT I WOULD.
- SEE? WHY AM I DOING THIS? THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
WHY AM I GOING?
- HEY, HEY, HEY, IT'S OKAY.
YOU'RE GONNA GO,
AND YOU'RE GONNA KICK SOME POLITICAL ASS, OKAY?
LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
- ALL RIGHT. - YOU SURE?
- I'M GONNA BE FINE. ALL RIGHT? - OKAY, YEP.
- ALL RIGHT. WE'RE PROUD OF YOU, HONEY.
- OKAY.
- SHE THINKS SHE'S GOING ON A PILGRIMAGE.
- WOULD YOU KNOCK IT OFF?
HEY, DRIVE SAFELY.
- [sighs] BYE. - ALL RIGHT.
[cell phone rings]
HELLO.
- HONEY? - HI, HONEY.
- DO NOT FORGET TO DEFROST THE DINNER THAT I MADE FOR YOU.
- I WON'T FORGET. - IT'S MEATLOAF.
- I WON'T FORGET. - OKAY.
THIS IS A MISTAKE.
- NO, KRISTINA, I WANT THIS FOR YOU.
OKAY, PLEASE, LET ME DO THIS FOR YOU.
I CAN HANDLE IT. I LOVE YOU.
- I LOVE YOU TOO.
- GET OUT OF HERE.
- OKAY.
[phone beeps]
- OKAY, I'M GOING.
- WE'RE GOOD. - I'M LEAVING.
- ALL RIGHT, GOOD-BYE. - I LOVE YOU.
- AND DO YOU KNOW WHO WROTE
THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE?
- MM...YOU?
- NO, NOT ME. THOMAS JEFFERSON.
YOU HEARD OF HIM? - NO.
- OKAY. WELL, HE WAS ONE OF
THE FOUNDING FATHERS OF THIS COUNTRY,
HE WAS OUR THIRD PRESIDENT,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE HE WAS?
- MM, NO.
- HE WAS A LAWYER.
AS WAS OUR SECOND PRESIDENT, JOHN ADAMS,
AND MANY OF OUR PRESIDENTS SINCE THEN.
THIS COUNTRY WAS CREATED BY LAWYERS.
SO WHEN HARMONY'S MOM SAYS THAT LAWYERS ARE LIARS,
SHE'S NOT JUST ABSOLUTELY WRONG,
SHE'S KIND OF INSULTING AMERICA ITSELF.
- AND WE'RE AMERICANS?
- WE'RE AMERICANS. THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WE'RE AN HONEST PEOPLE.
SO THINK ABOUT THAT, OKAY?
- 'KAY. - OKAY.
'CAUSE TELLING THE TRUTH
IS VERY, VERY, VERY IMPORTANT.
- OKAY.
- SO IS THERE ANYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO TELL ME?
- MM...
WHEN'S JABBAR COMING OVER?
- JABBAR'S COMING OVER TONIGHT.
- LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE DOING SUCH INTERESTING THINGS.
YOU KNOW? LOOK AT THIS.
ISN'T IT INSPIRING? IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL.
- I'LL NEVER GET IN HERE. - THAT'S NOT TRUE.
- DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS
TO GET INTO THIS SCHOOL? - WELL, YOU HAVEN'T TRIED YET.
I MEAN, JUST THINK ABOUT ALL THE STUFF
THAT HAPPENED IN THE '60s,
AND THE, YOU KNOW, THE NOBEL PRIZE WINNER PEOPLE
WHO WERE HERE.
AND YOU JUST STAY UP ALL NIGHT,
YOU KNOW, TALKING AND THINKING,
AND SMOKE-- I MEAN, NOT SMOKE.
DON'T SMOKE.
[phone rings]
[overlapping chatter]
- SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
- OF COURSE. OF COURSE.
ALL RIGHT, HEADS UP, GUYS.
HEADS UP FOR A SECOND.
THIS IS KRISTINA BRAVERMAN.
SHE HELPED ME ON MY VERY FIRST CAMPAIGN
WHEN I RAN FOR SCHOOL BOARD.
SHE HELPED ME WRITE MY PLATFORM,
AND BASICALLY GOT ME ELECTED.
- OH, I DID NOT. - YES, YOU DID.
- NO, I DIDN'T. - YES, YOU DID.
- OKAY. - LISTEN, SHE IS A GREAT ASSET.
USE HER. THANKS.
- BUSY.
- UGH. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR COMING.
I WAS SO HAPPY WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE COMING.
- IT'S BEEN SO LONG.
- I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT THE FAMILY.
WE NEED TO CATCH UP. - YEAH, MAX IS A LITTLE BIT...
- HAVE A DRINK LATER? - YEAH, OF COURSE...
- OH, MY GOD. LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO GO SHAKE SOME TREES.
I'M SORRY. WE'LL TALK. WE'LL CATCH UP LATER.
- GOOD LUCK.
SHOULD I SIT HERE? - YEAH.
- SO WHAT'S GOING ON?
- DUDE, HAVE YOU NAILED DOWN THE BROWN ENDORSEMENT YET?
- DUDE, I'M WORKING ALL THE ANGLES I CAN.
- UM, I--I ACTUALLY KNOW SOMEBODY THAT KNOWS JERRY.
LET ME CHECK. JERRY BROWN...
OR AT LEAST I USED TO...
- KRISTINA? - YEAH. YOU CAN CALL ME DUDE.
- COULD YOU GET SOMETHING TOGETHER
ON THE ASSEMBLYWOMAN'S POSITIONS
ON EDUCATION AND THE ENVIRONMENT?
- UM, YEAH, ACTUALLY THINK I HAVE COPIES
OF HER POSITION PAPERS RIGHT HERE.
- WE WERE THINKING MORE ALONG THE LINES OF SOME TWEETS?
140 CHARACTERS OR LESS.
- A TWEET, HUH?
- DO WE HAVE SECURITY FOR HER SPEECH TONIGHT?
- ALL RIGHT, MAX, TIME TO TURN OFF THAT TV.
- STILL HAVE 20 MORE MINUTES OF GAME TIME.
- WHAT?
UH, WAIT. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
HOLD ON ONE SECOND THERE. MAX, THIS IS WHAT--
- DAD, I ALREADY OKAYED THIS WITH MOM, SO...
- I TURNED IT OFF FOR 20 MINUTES THIS AFTERNOON.
YOU OWE ME. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I'M GOING TO STEVE'S HOUSE AND DON'T WORRY...
- AND THAT IS NOT THE WAY THAT IT WORKS, AND YOU KNOW IT.
- MOM LETS ME. - HIS PARENTS ARE HOME, SO...
DON'T FREAK OUT OR ANYTHING. - WELL, I'M NOT MOM, OKAY?
AND, YOU, PUT ON A JACKET, OKAY?
- OKAY. DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE GUM IS?
- NO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE THE GUM IS.
- I'M NOT COLD REALLY, DAD.
- HEY. - HEY.
WAIT, ISN'T THE DANCE TONIGHT?
- UH, YEAH. I DON'T KNOW.
I'D RATHER JUST WATCH THE GIANTS, YOU KNOW,
AND, UH, GRANDMA'S WATCHING PROJECT RUNWAY,
SO CAN I JUST WATCH THE GAME HERE?
- ALL RIGHT, DREW, COME ON IN.
COME ON. DREW, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU ARE A BRAVERMAN, OKAY?
IT'S GENETIC.
YOU HAVE THE MOVES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?
THEY'RE IN YOU.
- YEAH, UM, THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT, ACTUALLY.
- LISTEN, JUST GO AND CHECK IT OUT.
IF IT'S HELL ON EARTH, WE'LL COME BACK HERE,
WE'LL WATCH THE REST OF THE GAME, OKAY?
- I DON'T KNOW. IT'S JUST...
- I'M GONNA DRIVE YOU, OKAY?
IT'S SETTLED. ALL RIGHT, HEY, HADDIE.
YOU ARE GONNA STAY HOME, AND YOU ARE GONNA WATCH MAX.
OKAY? 'CAUSE I'M GONNA TAKE DREW TO THE DANCE.
- I'D LIKE TO, BUT I ALREADY CHECKED THIS WITH MOM,
SO I'M GOING TO STEVE'S.
DREW, HANG ON A SECOND. HADDIE.
HEY, LET ME TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND, OKAY?
LOOK AT YOUR COUSIN, OKAY? HE IS NEW AT THIS SCHOOL.
HE'S OBVIOUSLY FEELING AWKWARD ABOUT GOING TO THIS DANCE, OKAY?
NOW, IF HE DOESN'T PUT HIMSELF OUT THERE,
HE COULD JUST BE AN OUTCAST FOREVER.
- FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE?
- FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE. FOREVER, OKAY?
CAN YOU JUST DO THIS FAVOR FOR HIM?
WATCH YOUR BROTHER JUST FOR ONE HOUR, ALL RIGHT? TOPS.
- EXCUSE ME. OKAY.
- THANK YOU. ALL RIGHT, DREW.
COME ON, MAN.
I'M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW TO USE THE FISHERMAN
TO REEL THAT GIRL IN.
- EW. - PLEASE DON'T.
- HELLO. - HEY.
- HI, JABBAR.
WE'RE SO EXCITED YOU'RE SPENDING THE NIGHT WITH US.
- YEAH.
- SYDNEY, JABBAR'S HERE. - OH, YAY!
- HEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
- I GOT A NEW CALICO CRITTER PENGUIN.
WANT TO SEE? COME ON, LET'S GO.
- WHAT, UH, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
- [clears throat]
WELL, THAT'S THE VASE SYDNEY WON'T ADMIT SHE BROKE.
- SO YOU'RE JUST LEAVING IT THERE?
- FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.
- YOU, UH, YOU REALIZE THAT'S INSANE AND DANGEROUS?
- WE'RE QUITE AWARE OF THAT.
- THAT'S WHY IT'S CORDONED OFF.
FOR SAFETY.
- OH.
- YEAH.
- OKAY. HA HA. OH, OKAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- JUST FEEL LIKE THE BOOK WAS BETTER, YOU KNOW?
ANYWAY, DID YOU SEE THE, UH, EGGERS STORY IN MCSWEENEY'S?
- I DON'T READ MCSWEENEY'S ANYMORE.
EVER SINCE THEY PASSED ON MY LAST ESSAY.
- MM. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
- OH, THANKS.
- I READ IT, ACTUALLY.
I THOUGHT IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
SO FUNNY AND, YOU KNOW, SAD.
- YOU READ MCSWEENEY'S?
- THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
- OH, YEAH, WELL,
I HAD SOMEBODY HELP ME WITH THE BIG WORDS.
THERE YOU GO.
- THANKS.
- YOU WANT ME TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH THOSE DOUCHES?
- WELL, NOT EVERYBODY'S GONNA BE LIKE THAT,
AND JUST, YOU KNOW, THINK OF IT AS A WAY
TO EXPAND YOUR REPERTOIRE OF OBNOXIOUS BEHAVIOR.
- SARAH?
- JIM.
- HEY. HOW YOU DOING? - OH, MY GOODNESS.
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE HERE. - JIM.
- THIS IS SUCH A-- THIS IS, LIKE, A SIGN.
LIKE IN THE ALCHEMIST, YOU KNOW?
YOU READ THAT BOOK THAT I GAVE YOU?
- I HAVEN'T, BUT I REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO IT.
- OH.
- UM...
- THANK YOU FOR COMING.
- UM, I HAD SUCH A NICE TIME LAST TIME.
- YEAH. IT WAS--IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE LAST TIME.
- THIS IS MY DAUGHTER, AMBER.
- OH, HEY, NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU KNOW, I MET YOUR BROTHER, BRIEFLY.
NO PUN INTENDED. - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- WELL-- [both stammering]
- JIM AND I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.
- IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
- LONG TIME AGO. YOU LOOK GREAT.
- THANK YOU. - SO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT AM I DOING HERE?
YOU DON'T KNOW?
- AND WITHOUT FURTHER ADO,
OUR GUEST OF HONOR.
[applause]
- THANK YOU. - YOU'RE WELCOME.
- THANKS, PROFESSOR. THANK YOU.
WELL, I HAVE A FEELING THAT TONIGHT
IS GONNA BE A VERY,
VERY SPECIAL NIGHT.
- OH, BOY. - NIGHTMARE.
- "THE GLOWING, RED EMBERS
OF A FLAME THAT NEVER BURNED."
[applause]
THANK YOU.
SO, I HAVE A NEW ONE
FROM, UH, ANOTHER COLLECTION I'M PUTTING TOGETHER.
UH, THE COLLECTION'S GONNA BE CALLED
THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY... TWICE.
ALTHOUGH, AFTER TONIGHT,
I MIGHT RE-TITLE IT THREE TIMES THE CHARM.
THIS IS CALLED ORCHID BLOOMING.
"PARCHED GROUND
"WELCOMES THE STORM.
"MOIST, WET PETALS
"SLOWLY OPEN,
"BECKONING THE THUNDER,
"YEARNING, SHUDDERING,
"ELECTRIC, LIGHTNING.
THE PINK ORCHID BLOOMS."
- IT'S ABOUT FLOWERS, RIGHT?
- I THINK IT MIGHT BE ABOUT YOUR VAG.
- "...IS READY TO SPRAY ITS LOVE."
- MM. THAT IS DAMN GOOD BEER.
- YEAH. - SURE YOU DON'T WANT ONE?
- WELL, UH, ASSEMBLYMAN FORTUNATO...
- PLEASE. MATT.
- WELL, YOU KNOW WHY WE'RE HERE.
WE WANT YOU TO ENDORSE ASSEMBLYWOMAN BOWSER.
- SHE'S GOING UP AGAINST SOME VERY POWERFUL PEOPLE.
WITH LONG MEMORIES.
- SO LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
WHY DID YOU RUN? - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
- THE VERY FIRST TIME THAT YOU RAN FOR OFFICE,
WHY'D YOU DO IT?
- WELL, I--I GUESS I WANTED TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
- MM-HMM.
YOU RAN BECAUSE THAT REFINERY IN RICHMOND
WAS DUMPING HUNDREDS OF GALLONS OF WASTE IN THE AQUIFER.
REMEMBER?
SEE, I WORKED FOR THE STATE WATER BUREAU AT THE TIME,
AND THIS MAN GOT THAT PLANT SHUT DOWN ALONE.
BY HIMSELF. COMPLETELY.
- THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
- DUDE, I KNOW. IT WAS A WHILE AGO, DUDE.
ANYWAY, HERE'S THE DEAL.
ASSEMBLYWOMAN BOWSER, SHE WANTS TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE TOO.
YOU KNOW, HER OPPONENTS MIGHT TWIT AND TALK ON--
- TWEET. - IT'S "TWEET."
- T--WHATEVER, THAT POLLUTION IS BAD,
BUT, YOU KNOW, SHE ACTUALLY HAS A PLAN TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT,
A SOLID PLAN, STARTING WITH BETTER REGULATION OF WATERWAYS.
- YOU KNOW I LIKE HER, RIGHT?
- I DO. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE HER.
BUT...
THE THING IS IS SHE CAN'T DO IT ALONE.
SEE, WE NEED YOUR HELP.
- YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER REALLY GOTTEN THE HANG
OF THIS WHOLE FORK, SPOON TECHNIQUE.
- HA. WELL, THERE'S A TRICK THAT I LEARNED
WHEN I WENT TO ITALY.
AND THAT IS ORDER THE RAVIOLI.
- MM. - MM?
- YOU WENT TO ITALY?
- MM-HMM. JUST FOR A FEW WEEKS.
JABBAR LOVED IT.
YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD HIM
SING O SOLE MIO WITH THE GONDOLIER.
IT WAS REALLY CUTE.
- MAN, I WISH I HAD.
[cell phone rings]
OOH.
SORRY. IT'S MY SISTER.
HELLO.
- HI. UM, I'M SO SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT IT'S JABBAR. - I WANT TO GO HOME.
- HE WANTS TO GO HOME.
- OKAY. HE'S OKAY, THOUGH, YEAH?
- HE'S UPSET ABOUT SOMETHING.
HE WON'T TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING,
BUT HE SAYS IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
- OKAY, WE'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
- OKAY, GREAT. SEE YOU SOON.
- ALL RIGHT. - WHAT HAPPENED?
- JABBAR WANTS TO GO HOME.
I THINK HE'S SCARED. - [laughs]
- CHECK PLEASE.
- [sighs] ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST DROWN OUR SORROWS IN SOME JUNK FOOD AND BASEBALL.
SHOULD BE ABLE TO CATCH THOSE LATE INNINGS.
- HEY, HOW'D IT GO?
- WELL, I TOOK YOUR DAD'S ADVICE ABOUT CONFIDENCE.
I WENT UP, I ASKED HER TO DANCE,
AND SHE SHOT ME DOWN.
SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT TO,
LIKE, LEAVE HER FRIEND, OR SOMETHING,
WHEN I ASKED HER TO DANCE.
- WELL, YOU KNOW, MAYBE, UM,
HER FRIEND WAS JEALOUS, OR SOMETHING.
LIKE, MAYBE HER FRIEND LIKED YOU.
I DON'T KNOW. SORRY. UM...
OKAY, I'M GONNA GO. - YOU CAN'T GO.
- UM, MAX IS IN BED AND YOU'RE HOME.
- YEAH, WELL, MAX COULD WAKE UP,
AND I MIGHT HAVE TO LEAVE ON AN EMERGENCY OR SOMETHING.
YOU CAN'T GO. YOU HAVE TO STAY HERE.
- DAD? - YEAH.
- ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GONNA KEEP ME HERE
BECAUSE I'M WEARING THIS STUPID BRA?
- OF COURSE NOT. IT'S A BRA, SO...
YES, I AM.
- OKAY.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO LEAVE THE HOUSE
WHILE I'M WEARING THIS BRA... - HADDIE.
- THEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
- HADDIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- I'M TRYING TO MAKE YOU HAPPY, DAD.
IF YOU DON'T WANT ME TO LEAVE WEARING THIS,
THEN I DON'T HAVE TO WEAR IT.
YOU CAN REST EASY,
AND I'LL SEE YOU AT 11:30.
- HADDIE, GET BACK IN HERE RIGHT NOW.
- WHAT? WE MADE A DEAL.
- HADDIE, IF YOU LEAVE THIS HOU--
[door slams]
[sighs]
WANT A SODA?
[knock at door]
- HI. SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR DATE.
I--I DON'T-- - WHERE IS HE?
- MOMMY, CROSBY.
- HEY.
WHAT HAPPENED, BUDDY?
- CAN WE GO HOME NOW?
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- NOTHING.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
- I JUST REALLY NEED TO GO HOME NOW.
- OKAY, UM, IS IT SOMETHING YOU NEED TO DO AT HOME?
- YEAH.
- YEAH?
- I NEED TO GO POOP AT HOME BAD.
- OKAY. IT'S--HE'S--OKAY.
- YEAH.
- HEY, MAX, STAY IN THE BACK.
- NOPE! TOO LATE.
- DREW, CAN YOU ASK HIM TO GET IN THE BACK?
LISTEN TO DREW. - JUST--COME ON.
- HEY. - OH, HI, ADAM.
- HEY, IS, UH, IS HADDIE HERE, BY ANY CHANCE?
- YEAH, SHE'S UPSTAIRS WITH STEVE.
- OH. - YEAH, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
- YEAH, YEAH.
UH, WE JUST HAD A SMALL EMERGENCY AT HOME,
AND SHE HAS TO--YEAH.
- OH, ANYTHING WE CAN DO? - NO, NO, THANKS.
YOU MIND IF I JUST, UH, JUST GO GET HER?
- SURE. - WHERE IS SHE?
- OKAY. JUST UPSTAIRS.
- UPSTAIRS? IS THAT WHERE STEVE'S ROOM IS?
- YEAH.
[distant rock music playing]
- HELLO?
[knocking on door]
- HEY, ADAM, WHAT'S UP?
- MR. BRAVERMAN.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- YOU ARE COMING WITH ME RIGHT NOW.
- NO, I'M NOT.
- YES, YOU ARE.
HADDIE.
- HMM?
- OKAY--I'M SORRY.
- RIGHT NOW. COME ON.
- IT'S ALL GOOD. - YOU HAVE EVERYTHING?
- I'LL SEE YOU LATER, ADAM.
- MR. BRAVERMAN.
- RIDICULOUS. - GET DOWNSTAIRS.
THANK YOU. - THANKS FOR COMING OVER.
- OKAY. THANKS. OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
- BYE.
- HEY. - WHAT?
DON'T TOUCH ME. DON'T TALK TO ME.
- OKAY, GO. GET IN THE BACK SEAT.
- DON'T TALK TO ME.
- I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.
- YOU CAN DO IT, HONEY.
- YEAH, AUNT JULIA'S IS A GREAT PLACE TO GO.
YOU JUST DON'T FOCUS SO MUCH ON THE GOING.
MAYBE, UM--OOH, LET'S SING A SONG.
JASMINE, DO YOU KNOW A SONG?
- I KNOW A SONG.
- ♪ THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND ♪
all: ♪ ROUND AND ROUND
♪ ROUND AND ROUND
♪ THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND ♪
♪ ALL THROUGH THE TOWN
♪ AND THE DOORS ON THE BUS GO OPEN AND SHUT ♪
- ♪ AND THE PEOPLE BUST OUT
♪ LIKE CRAZY ENGLISH SOCCER FANS ♪
♪ SOCCER FANS
- [laughs] THAT'S NOT HOW THE SONG GOES.
I DID IT.
- YEAH, YOU DID IT.
ALL RIGHT!
- YOU DID. YEAH.
- GOOD WORK. - THERE YOU GO. NICE JOB.
- "ENGLISH SOCCER FANS" ALWAYS WORKS.
- [sighs]
- I CAN'T GET OVER IT.
JIM KAZINSKY.
HE'S A PUBLISHED AUTHOR.
HE USED TO COPY OFF ME IN 10TH GRADE.
- THAT'S COOL.
WRITING A BUNCH OF POEMS
ABOUT A BIG LOSER GETTING LAID BY A HOT LADY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S NOT NICE.
HE'S NOT A LOSER. HE'S--HE'S SUCH A SPECIAL GUY.
HE MIGHT NOT BE, YOU KNOW, MY SOUL MATE,
BUT HE'S... HE'S TALENTED.
- I GUESS I WAS PROBABLY JUST GROSSED OUT
THAT I HAD TO HEAR, LIKE,
15 BILLION POEMS ABOUT MY MOTHER'S VAGOOZLE.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S NOT THE POINT.
THE POINT IS, THIS IS A GUY WHO READ DYLAN THOMAS
IN HIGH SCHOOL AND WAS INSPIRED,
AND THEN FOLLOWED HIS DREAM.
AND LOOK AT WHAT HE'S ACHIEVED, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, THAT'S WHAT I WANT FOR YOU, YOU KNOW?
THAT'S WHY I BROUGHT YOU TO THIS SCHOOL.
YOU--YOU JUST CAN'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.
I MEAN, THAT'S LIVING PROOF.
YOU JUST CAN'T-- YOU CAN'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF.
- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO STAY?
- YEAH, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF CHUTES AND LADDERS TOURNAMENT.
- OKAY. GIVE ME A HUG.
- TAKE NO PRISONERS.
- 'KAY.
COME ON.
- OKAY. YOU WILL NOT HEAR FROM ME AGAIN TONIGHT.
- LET'S GO! - THANKS.
- COME ON, JULIA! - OKAY. OKAY!
- ENGLISH SOCCER FANS?
- YEAH, WELL, YOU STARTED IT
WITH THE WHOLE DOORS OPENING AND SHUTTING.
- THAT'S HOW THE SONG GOES.
- THAT'S NOT HOW THE SONG GOES.
- YES, IT IS. - FOR REAL?
- FOR REAL. - OKAY.
WELL, IT INSPIRED ME.
- GOOD.
IT INSPIRED YOU.
- YOU INSPIRED ME.
- I INSPIRED YOU?
- YEAH.
- REALLY?
- BIG TIME.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO USE MY POO SONG
AS A WAY TO MAKE YOUR MOVE?
- YEAH.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- UM, I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, YOU HAVEN'T REALLY MADE A MOVE YET.
CAN'T TELL YOU.
- WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?
- DAD, WHAT WAS I THINKING?
I MEAN, WHAT-- WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
- I TOLD YOU TO STAY AT HOME, AND YOU JUST TOOK OFF.
- YEAH, WELL, YOU WERE BEING TOTALLY UNREASONABLE.
- WELL, I DON'T CARE IF I'M BEING UNREASONABLE, HADDIE.
YOU'RE 15 YEARS OLD
AND YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE,
SO YOU DO WHAT I SAY WHEN I SAY IT.
- REALLY? I DO WHATEVER YOU SAY NO MATTER WHAT?
- YES. NO MATTER WHAT.
- OKAY, SO IF YOU TELL ME TO SHAVE MY HEAD,
I HAVE TO DO IT? - YES.
- IF YOU TELL ME TO MURDER SOMEBODY, THEN I HAVE TO DO IT?
- YES. KEEP IT COMING. COME ON.
- DAD, IF YOU TELL ME TO BURN THIS HOUSE DOWN,
THEN I HAVE TO DO THAT?
- YEAH, IF I TELL YOU TO BURN DOWN THE HOUSE,
YOU HAVE TO BURN DOWN THE HOUSE.
- DAD!
OKAY.
DAD, MOM TOLD ME THAT I COULD GO TO STEVE'S HOUSE.
THEN YOU TOLD ME THAT I HAD TO STAY HOME
AND WATCH MAX FOR A LITTLE WHILE.
AND I DID. - RIGHT.
- BUT THEN YOU CAME HOME AND TOLD ME
THAT I COULDN'T GO TO STEVE'S HOUSE
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T LIKE THE KIND OF BRA I WAS WEARING.
- I ADMIT THAT THAT WAS, UH...
INCONSISTENT.
- INCONSISTENT?
- I'M CONCERNED ABOUT YOU, HADDIE.
- YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE.
YOU WOULD TOTALLY LET DREW HANG OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.
YOU WOULD DRIVE HIM TO HANG OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.
BUT BECAUSE I'M A GIRL,
YOU TREAT ME LIKE I'M 12 YEARS OLD.
- IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE MY DAUGHTER.
OKAY? AND YOU'RE NOT WRONG.
THERE IS A DOUBLE STANDARD.
- YEAH.
- AND IT'S NOT FAIR.
- THANKS.
- BUT THEN AGAIN, NEITHER IS THE WORLD.
- OKAY, WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- THAT'S THE WAY IT IS.
- ♪ HELLO LAZY MORNING
- MM.
- ♪ OH
♪ WHERE COULD THE SUN BE THIS AFTERNOON ♪
- HEY.
- ♪ OH LOOK WHAT THE SUN DID ♪
♪ IT TURNED A GRAY TO BLUE
- OH, MAN. IT'S 10:16.
- OH, SO WHAT?
- WELL, I TOLD JULIA
THAT I'D PICK JABBAR UP AT 10:30.
- WELL, JUST BE A FEW MINUTES LATE.
- WE'RE TALKING ABOUT JULIA HERE.
YOU KNOW, MY CRAZY SISTER.
SHE'LL USE THIS AS A TEACHABLE MOMENT.
PROBABLY HOLD JABBAR HOSTAGE
UNTIL I LEARN TO BE PUNCTUAL.
- I PROBABLY SHOULDN'T GO WITH YOU, THEN,
BECAUSE JABBAR WILL WONDER WHY WE'RE STILL TOGETHER.
- RIGHT. - YEAH.
- RIGHT. OKAY.
UM, GOOD PLAN.
I WILL GO SUPER FAST,
AND THEN I WILL SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES.
- OKAY.
- THAT WAS, UM, REALLY FUN LAST NIGHT.
I'LL BE BACK.
- [groans]
- [sighs]
FINE. I DID IT.
I BROKE THE VASE.
ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?
- NO, I'M NOT HAPPY.
- YOU WON, OKAY? YOU WON.
- SWEETIE, IT'S NOT ABOUT WINNING AND LOSING.
IT'S ABOUT BEING HONEST.
- YOU WIN. I LOSE.
I'LL GO PICK IT UP.
- OKAY. - DAD, WHERE'S THE BROOM?
- PANTRY.
- ALL RIGHTY.
- WHO WAS THAT PERSON?
- I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE HER AT ALL.
IT'S FUNNY.
- WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- [sighs]
- YEAH.
- JOEL.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
- NO, NO, I'M NOT FALLING FOR THIS.
YOU DROP THE BERKELEY COLLEGE CATALOGUE IN FRONT OF ME
AND YOU THINK I'M GONNA GET ALL EXCITED,
BUT THEN YOU'RE GONNA BREAK MY HEART
WHEN YOU TELL ME YOU DECIDED NOT TO APPLY,
SO I SAY...
WHATEVER.
- HUH.
SO FIRST OF ALL,
IT'S NOT REALLY REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY
IF YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE DOING,
AND, SECOND OF ALL,
IT'S NOT FOR ME. IT'S FOR YOU.
- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- I THINK YOU SHOULD APPLY TO BERKELEY.
- WHAT?
- WELL, WHY NOT?
I MEAN, IF JIM KAZINSKY
CAN GET PEOPLE ALL HOT AND BOTHERED ABOUT HIS POETRY,
THEN ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, RIGHT?
JUST DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF EITHER, OKAY?
- ♪ IT TOOK TOO LONG TO SEE ♪
♪ I WAS WRONG TO BELIEVE
♪ IN ME ONLY
- HI THERE.
- HEY.
WHAT YA READING?
I READ THAT ONE.
- HOW'S THE, UH, ADJUSTMENT BACK INTO FAMILY LIFE TREATING YOU?
- IT'S GOOD. - YEAH?
- YUP. I MISSED YOU.
- I MISSED YOU TOO.
- A LOT.
- MM.
- SO, UM... - YEAH?
- DENISE WANTS ME TO COME WITH HER TO L.A. NEXT WEEK
FOR A COUPLE OF FUNDRAISERS.
- OH. OKAY.
- YEAH. - THAT'S COOL.
- SHE ALSO OFFERED ME A FULL-TIME JOB
AS HER COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR.
- UH, CONGRATULATIONS. THAT'S GREAT.
UM, WHAT'D YOU SAY?
- WELL, I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD THINK ABOUT IT,
AND I WOULD TALK TO YOU.
- SO YOU WANT TO DO IT?
- KIND OF. I JUST--I DON'T KNOW.
I MEAN, HONEY, I--I LOVE OUR KIDS,
AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE BEING A MOM.
I LOVE ALL OF THAT.
BUT, HONESTLY, WHEN I WAS THERE,
I FELT SO-- I FELT SO ALIVE,
AND--AND IT WAS JUST AMAZING.
IT WAS LIKE I WAS BEING SEEN
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN SO LONG, YOU KNOW?
- I GET IT. I GET IT.
OKAY?
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW I SEE YOU.
- I KNOW.
I KNOW YOU DO.
BUT YOU--YOU SEE ME IN A DIFFERENT WAY.
- I KNOW.
- ALL RIGHT. - WHAT?
- SO WE'LL FIGURE THIS OUT.
- REALLY? - YEAH.
UM, YOU KNOW,
I'LL NEED SOME HELP HERE AT THE HOUSE,
AND I'LL, UH-- I'LL CALL MY MOM.
YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT SHE'LL BE UP
FOR STAYING HERE A COUPLE NIGHTS A WEEK.
AND YOU KNOW, I NEED TO GET SOMEBODY ON THE HOOK
TO MAKE SURE MAX MAKES IT TO ALL HIS THERAPIES
AND HADDIE GETS TO ALL HER SPORTING EVENTS, BUT,
UM, YOU KNOW, AND I CAN ALSO COME HOME FROM WORK EARLY
ONCE OR TWICE A WEEK,
AND I CAN START TO, YOU KNOW,
WORK MORE FROM HOME IN THE MORNING.
WE'LL WORK IT OUT.
GET SOME GROCERIES DELIVERED. FIGURE IT OUT.
- YEAH. NO, YOU KNOW--
- WHAT?
- HONEY, UM, THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT TIME.
I--I'M NOT GONNA DO IT. - KRISTINA.
- THIS ISN'T THE RIGHT TIME. MAX AND HADDIE NEED ME HERE.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING.
- KRISTINA... - NO, NO.
- I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK BACK ON THIS
AND FEEL LIKE YOU MISSED OUT ON SOMETHING.
- I WON'T, I WON'T.
UH, THIS IS A NO-BRAINER, YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, THERE'LL BE OTHER CAMPAIGNS,
AND OUR KIDS ARE ONLY GONNA BE KIDS FOR SO LONG.
AND I CAN DO IT LATER.
- ♪ AND IT AIN'T ABOUT LOSING YOUR MIND ♪
- ARE YOU SURE?
- YES, I'M SURE.
- ♪ BUT IF YOU HAPPEN TO THAT'S FINE ♪
- ALL RIGHT. WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS MEETING?
- UM, IT WAS AWESOME.
IT WAS SO COOL.
I MEAN, YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN SO PROUD OF ME.
I, UM...
I WAS AWESOME.
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN ME.
I WAS JUST-- I WAS IN MY ELEMENT.
- ♪ FREELY, FREELY
♪ MEU CORACAO
♪ FREELY, FREELY
♪ MEU CORACAO
♪ I'D LIKE TO LIVE THAT WAY
♪ I'D LIKE TO LIVE
♪ THAT WAY