[dramatic music]
[ship horn blares]
Mr. Schrodinger, welcome back.
- It's been ten years... - Since you went missing.
How do you know all this?
Anything you want, just ask Her.
Mathilde is bringing the Grail to a body of water.
These women in pantsuits,
they're preparing for some kind of transfer.
You better not be making trouble, Clara.
[exclaims]
- Where did you get these? - Mrs. Davis.
This is for your traveling companion.
Where did you get those shoes?
I will free you as soon as you tell me.
This isn't who you are.
Do you want to know who I really am?
Holy shit!
I need you to do a favor for me.
What if I say no?
Then you're breaking your vows.
Is that the pope?
Felipe here has a beef with your hubby
because he blew him off for Clara.
Jay never told me that he knew her.
He just said she was the last person to have the Grail.
Tell her about the tape.
There's, like, a mystery tape
that has something to do with the Holy Grail.
- The red-haired woman? - Wait for it.
It's a commercial?
What the--
[record player crackling]
[soft ominous music]
♪ ♪
[door creaks open] [bell dings]
Jay?
♪ ♪
[glass crunches]
What the hell?
Hey. What's...
[groaning]
Hey.
Oh, my God. Did somebody hit you?
Oh, no, no.
- Show me. - [groaning]
I got into a fight,
which I lost, because, you know,
- I'm a lover... - Hey, careful, careful.
Not a fighter. You get it. [groans]
- Hey, wait. Whoa, whoa. - [exhales deeply]
Did He do this? The Boss?
It wasn't the Boss, Simone.
I'm okay. I'm okay.
[softly] I'm okay.
Then who was it?
Because I will kick their ass, husband.
- I will kick it good. - [chuckles]
That's very noble of you, wife, but I'm okay.
Comes with the territory. I'm used to it.
"Comes with the territory"?
Who wants to beat up Jesus Christ?
[laughs]
Ah, I get all kinds in here.
People come to talk. Some want comfort.
Some just want to kick my ass.
And which kind is Clara?
The red-haired woman who, uh,
was last in possession of the Holy Grail,
who I've been looking for this entire time?
You said, "I think her name is Clara,"
as if you didn't serve her food right here,
at this very counter.
♪ ♪
Who told you?
Uh, Wiley.
Via the Pope.
So what does Clara come here for?
Ass-kicking? Talk? Comfort?
Simone, I'm sorry.
I already told you, I can't talk about my other--
The other relationships. Yeah, I know.
But the thing is, you can talk about this relationship
because it's in the best interest of our marriage.
I understand, but I really can't.
Why, because the Boss is gonna come out here
and give me a stern talking to?
I'd like to see Him try!
[thunder rumbles loudly]
Can you stop with the thunder?
[groans] Simone, please, don't do this.
Are you married to her too?
What kind of vows did she take?
You know I can't talk about this, okay?
Do you love her?
[voice booming] I love everyone!
[normally] I love everyone.
[softly] Okay.
I'm sorry. [breathes shakily]
I didn't mean to raise my voice.
It's not me. [sighs]
[life vest squeaking] [chuckles softly]
[softly] Excuse me.
[laughs]
I love you, husband.
But I am on the verge of finding Clara myself,
so if there is something that
you need to tell me before I do,
now is the time.
Wait, where are you?
[dramatic music]
I'm going to see a man about a cat.
♪ ♪
[motor rumbling]
♪ ♪
[bell tolling]
[waves crashing] [grunts]
This is where the Algorithm said he'd be?
[intriguing music]
♪ ♪
That's promising.
♪ ♪
[shouting]
- Oh, fuck me! - [screams]
I said I didn't want to be rescued!
- [screams] - Get away!
- Hey, hey, hey, okay! - Hey, hey!
Nobody's here to rescue you, young man.
Put--put the fucking sword down!
[tense music]
Put--put yours down first.
Same time?
♪ ♪
Oh, God.
Who are you and why are you here?
We're looking for Clara.
Never heard of her.
No, that's bullshit.
We know you know where she is.
We saw you on the tape.
What tape?
Show him.
[tablet chimes]
"Buns Are the New Guns.
15 Ways to Pump that Rump."
Shit. Wait, what?
Hold-- [scoffs]
Oh, no.
No, no. That's... something else.
- Is it recording? - Those are your feet.
Okay, can you point it at me?
And that is Clara.
Father Hans Ziegler...
And that is your cat.
By now, you understand that I have in my possession...
You can see, right here on the collar,
it says, quite adorably,
"Cuddled and cared for by Dr. Arthur Schrodinger."
Yeah?
That's not my-- [cat meowing]
I can't help. I'm sorry.
Hey. Hey!
Arthur, I am on a very important quest
to find the Holy Grail so I can destroy
a dangerously powerful Algorithm,
so powerful, it knew where you were.
Because apparently-- kay, so you were rescued
and you decided to come back here?
What--it's not my business. To each his own.
But if you know Clara-- and hey, I know that you do--
you can help us.
Are you serious? Is he serious?
Yeah, I don't know. [cat snarls]
But, Lizzie, I think we should probably forget it, right?
"Lizzie"?
As in short for Elizabeth?
Yeah.
Elizabeth Abbott?
Are you Preston Wiley?
How do you know our names?
I tried to spare you, but it brought you right to me.
Spare us from--no, no, no. We don't require sparing.
Just--just tell us where Clara is,
and we'll be on our way.
She's closer than you think.
But before I tell you where she is,
you must first understand who she is.
And that story, her story,
it comes with a warning.
And if you choose to go through that door,
there will be consequences.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
You sure about this?
Yeah, I'm sure.
Okay.
You stay, I stay.
Okay.
Consequences it is.
Protein.
For the buns.
[crunches]
- Watch out for the-- - [coughs]
Bones.
You okay?
When I first met Clara,
she'd just left the Sisters of the Coin.
The what?
The Sisters of the Coin.
The top secret organization.
The protectors of the Asset. The Grail.
The--the banker women.
- Oh, for fuck's sake. - No, no, no.
- Do you two know anything? - We do know the banker women.
We know the banker women. We know the--
[coughing]
How 'bout you just start from the beginning?
Once upon a time,
there was a young girl
with a head full of fiery red hair.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[speaking French]
♪ ♪
I know it is before her time.
She will not be a bother.
You should get inside.
They are waiting, Mathilde.
♪ ♪
So hang on.
Mathilde, does she also have red hair,
great skin, wields a knife?
How do you know Mathilde?
Lizzie kicked the shit out of her.
No, I did not. I was following her,
and I thought she was Clara.
[chuckles] No. No, she's not Clara.
But she is...
Maman?
Do not call me maman when I am at work.
She's her mother? I did not see that coming.
I did.
Mathilde is Clara's mother,
but she wasn't exactly maternal.
You are going to stay in this spot, Clara,
and under no circumstances are you to go through those doors.
[speaks French]
[doors creaking]
Oh, she's definitely going through those doors.
Yeah, Lizzie here doesn't respect boundaries either.
It's kind of like a recurring theme.
A recurring theme?
Oh, you can't help yourself. Locked doors?
- No. - Are you kidding me?
I didn't even bother wrapping her presents.
- [chuckles] - This one peeks.
'Cause you always gave me terrible presents.
You didn't hate everything I gave you.
What are you--
- Yeah, you heard me. - Stop it.
- [giggles] - [clears throat]
Sorry.
Please continue.
Thank you.
[tape player clicks]
["Be My Baby" playing in French]
And while Clara spent that long summer day
at her mother's work,
she saw some curious things.
- [doors creaking] - [singing in French]
♪ ♪
That woman has the--the Grail
hidden in her fake belly.
That's what I saw at the lake!
Oh, what, you get to participate,
- and I have to shut up? - Both of you just--
I'm trying to describe the curious things.
Sorry. Go ahead.
[doors creaking]
[singing in French]
♪ ♪
Maman?
♪ ♪
Now, Clara could have called out,
made it known that she'd been forgotten.
[doors creaking] But yes, you're right.
She went through the bloody doors.
And what she saw in there
would change her life forever.
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
Why can't you follow the rules?
I told you not to come in here, Clara!
[sighs] Now I must kill you.
- Holy shit! - Whoa! What?
Whoa, she killed her own daughter?
- No. Not okay. - That escalated so quickly.
- No, no, wait. Wait, no. - Kick the shit out of her--
No--no, she didn't kill her.
But what came next, what Mathilde was now forced
to subject her daughter to, was a fate far worse.
I am not a banker, Clara.
I am a Sister of the Coin.
A member of a secret organization of women
who have worked for centuries
in financial institutions as a means
to hide our true agenda,
the care and protection of the Asset.
The Asset came to us millennia ago,
when two apostles of the Christ,
each claiming it as their own, they dueled...
[swords clashing] Resulting in both their deaths.
[men screaming] And so the asset
was held in trust by their widows.
These would become the first Sisters,
bankers tasked with looking after the Asset.
But it is just a bowl.
Why does it need looking after?
Because, Clara, it is not just a bowl.
♪ ♪
It has a temper.
If it's not properly cared for,
bad things happen. [crowd screaming]
So the Grail was responsible for the eruption of Pompeii?
Well, the Sisters certainly believe so.
The Grail was apparently nearby when the tragedy occurred,
which is why they developed the Articles of Care,
rules that they must follow to keep the bowl appeased.
So they treat a bowl like a baby?
They're its mothers.
Exactly.
And the Sisters believed
that if they didn't follow the rules,
there'd be adverse consequences.
So if the Grail wasn't kept in a state of perpetual motion,
for example, it would emit a foul odor.
Ah, so the baby Grail gets fussy,
you gotta take it for a drive in the car
so it doesn't make a boom-boom.
Don't mock the rules, boy,
especially not the most important rule of all.
Thou shall not sip.
Why do you do this, Maman?
Why did you care so much about that bowl?
Because I took a vow, as my maman did before me,
and because I said I would.
[sighs]
You are not cut out to be a Sister, Clara,
for to be in service of the Asset
is to do whatever it takes.
[sighs]
But now that you've seen all this,
and I would rather not kill you,
I have no choice but to begin your training.
You will study the Articles of Care,
and you will learn how to execute them,
though I doubt you will be any good.
Then I vow
to prove you wrong, Maman,
whatever it takes.
Clara spent the next several years
at a special academy,
training to become the most capable sister.
A special academy. That's cool.
Kinda like Grail Hogwarts.
Yeah, no offense, but can we just fast-forward
to the part where we're talking about
the sneaker commercial, please?
Very well.
Right you are.
all: As the skies rain fire,
the Sisters must acquire
and invest with mind and heart
and never, ever part
with that which we all serve,
the Asset.
And what, Sisters,
is the most inviolable?
all: Thou shall not sip.
Before we begin our quarterly earnings,
Sister Mathilde would like to make a proposal.
As you are all well aware,
Article 13 of the Articles of Care states
the asset must be looked upon by no less than 1%
of the global population annually,
lest the skies rain fire, et cetera, et cetera.
But the world's population has exploded,
and now we must guarantee 75 million individuals
lay eyes upon it in a single year.
And still, we transport the Asset all over the world
to hit our quota.
Yet what if I told you
we could capture those 75 million viewers
in a single minute, all at once?
[excited whispering]
Balderdash.
No, Sister.
Not balderdash.
[intriguing music]
A Super Bowl commercial,
Which will not only be seen at the Super Bowl,
but for months, maybe even years to come,
broadcast around the world
with the kind of reach we could only dream of.
We will camouflage the presence of the Asset
within the ad itself.
And to do so, I have identified a brand with mass appeal,
the coolest athletic shoe in the world,
one destined to reach iconic status
and only gain in popularity:
British Knights.
[snaps] Apron man!
We open in 14th-century France,
a dramatic execution,
as Knights Templar burn at the stake
under the torches of French--
Yeah, no. We--we saw the commercial.
We don't need to hear the whole pitch, man.
Yeah. What I want to know is...
Who's going to pay for this?
Our most loyal apron man, Hans.
[crowd gasps]
- Me? - Yes, Hans.
You will secure what we need to make this commercial
by infiltrating the Vatican
and becoming a priest.
Father Ziegler has a nice ring to it, no?
both: Oh!
I would do anything for... the Sisterhood,
but why the Vatican?
Because those putain de cons don't allow women
to hold positions of power within the church.
Besides, the Vatican owns so much land,
they will not notice
when you find the perfect location for our shoot
nor when you embezzle the funds to subsidize our budget.
You want me to become a priest so I can steal?
I want you to be quiet and do as you're told.
Is that you, Mathilde,
featured in your own commercial?
In order to ensure the security of the Asset,
I must write, direct,
and star in the ad myself.
You're too old.
[laughter]
If these British Knights are as cool as you say,
the hero needs to be youthful.
We are not trying to sell sneakers, okay?
- It is only a method-- - Pardon.
[excited murmuring]
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
I'll do it.
You will not.
I am young.
I can be trusted to handle the Asset,
and this will free you to focus on your work behind the camera.
Well, that settles it.
Mathilde, if you want our approval,
Clara will be the star.
[tense music]
♪ ♪
All in favor?
♪ ♪
Tails have it.
The commercial proceeds.
[applause]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
[whimsical music]
♪ ♪
Merci.
Va-t'en! I'm busy.
Maman, I need to speak with you.
I have some questions about--
Move aside.
[clears throat] Um, Maman, it's really--
two seconds.
I'm very busy, Clara.
I do not have time to babysit you.
[ominous music]
Always on the outside looking in.
Excuse me?
Surely you remember your mother's apron man.
15 years of servitude should not be that easily forgotten.
Hans?
Yes, of course.
It's been a while, and I didn't recognize you in--
The fruits of my labor.
When your mother sent me off to the Vatican
to do her bidding,
I was at first resentful.
But now I understand it was a necessary step
in realizing my potential.
You see, life is full of doors, just like this one.
And there are two kinds of people,
those outside
and those on the inside.
All right.
Hans, what are you doing standing there?
Take off that ridiculous costume.
Fetch me tea.
It is not a costume.
Now, Hans.
Of course, ma'am. Right away, ma'am.
It is always those closest to us
whose blades cut deepest, no?
♪ ♪
Cut!
[bell rings]
[speaking French]
Where's the intensity?
You're not giving me what I need, Clara.
I'm doing my best, Maman.
Well, your best is not good enough.
[sniffs]
What's that awful smell?
Perhaps it's my daughter's terrible performance.
[beeping]
Psst, psst!
Oh, well, great.
Now you've upset the Asset.
Clear the set!
I must clear my head. Terrible headache.
♪ ♪
Meet me at sundown.
Oh, the old "meet me at sundown" cryptic note.
It's a classic, and it's good to know
our boy Hans has always been a cliché, shady fuck,
But do you think he helped Clara steal the Grail?
Would you two prefer to keep on wildly theorizing,
or can I carry on with the story?
By all means.
[door creaks, slams]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Top row, fourth from the left.
[mystical ringing]
♪ ♪
How did you get this?
Oh, I did not get it.
I made it.
This decoy was manufactured to my exact specifications
by a blind craftsman
and is indistinguishable from the original.
What will you do with this?
Oh, I will not do anything with it, Clara.
You are the only one permitted to handle the actual Grail,
so you will replace it with this decoy
and bring me the real thing.
Why would I do that for you?
It is not just for me, Clara.
It is for both of us.
All we've ever wanted was Mathilde's approval,
but she can never give it to us because of that accursed bowl.
The Grail is an object of immense power.
Many have tried to destroy it over the centuries,
but only the Vatican has the resources to obliterate it
once and for all.
In doing so,
it would free Mathilde and all the Sisters
from the burden of caring for it.
Then, Clara,
we could finally both get the affection we deserve.
Give me one reason to trust you.
Because, Clara,
I'm your father.
♪ ♪
I fucking knew it!
Why don't you tell the story, then?
- No, no, no, no, no. - I'm so--
He's doing great. You're doing great.
You lie.
My mother would never bend the rule
to consummate with an apron man.
And if you believe I am just as reckless
to break my vow to the Sisterhood,
then you are dead wrong.
If I see you anywhere near the Asset
with your little decoy,
I will not hesitate to take your head off.
And you should know,
I've been practicing.
♪ ♪
[shouting in French]
[all shouting]
[funky music]
♪ ♪
Okay, here we go.
[bell rings]
Action!
[speaking French]
Cut!
[bell rings]
From the top.
Action!
Cut!
- Cut! - Back to one.
My God. From the top.
No, no, no, no, no! [groans]
I still don't believe you. [speaking French]
How are you so incapable of showing genuine emotion?
You care for this woman.
Why do you refuse to nurture her
in the last moments of life?
[speaking French] Who are you
to lecture me about nurturing?
[groans]
Clear the set.
Everyone.
Except you.
I think you're doing a wonderful job.
[speaking French]
[murmuring in French]
I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.
I have my limits.
I really do.
I'm dying.
What?
I've been, um, getting these headaches.
So, um, I went to a doctor,
a specialist, who ran tests.
Unfortunately, the results were...
[somber music]
Well, there isn't much they can do.
My situation has forced me to...
reflect upon my duty
and my legacy.
You are my legacy, Clara.
♪ ♪
[breathing shakily]
Do you need a moment?
No.
Let's shoot.
And action!
[sniffling]
All right, good enough.
Uh, moving on. [bell rings]
[crying]
Um, let's go to...
Clara, this platform that we built
runs just under the water.
So all you're gonna do is run here.
But past this point, you'll be going for a swim.
Any questions?
No. I'm--I'm good to go.
[speaking French] Positions, everyone!
Top, top, top, top, top!
Where is it?
Where is what?
The decoy I offered you, it's gone.
And you are the only one who knew where it was hidden.
Why would I take your decoy?
I am a loyal Sister of the Coin.
But if you feel that some of your property was stolen,
you should report it to security immediately.
Give it back to me, now!
Hey, Hans!
Stop distracting my actor and get me a tea, Earl Grey.
Get it yourself!
[crowd gasps]
[dark music]
Quoi?
I am the one who made all of this possible!
I spent years at the Vatican,
shifting money around so you could fund this production.
I am the one who found this place
in their secret holdings, and what thanks do I get,
to be your errand boy?
No, I am a priest now,
and I am going back to where I'm given
the respect I deserve.
Security.
[stammering]
I don't know what you're doing, but once you do it,
I will come after you with the full power of the Vatican.
I vow it!
Leave me be!
Back to work, people!
We're losing light!
[horse neighs]
Merci.
[indistinct chatter]
Quiet on set.
Clara, are you ready?
Roll camera.
Three, two, one.
And action!
[shouts]
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Cut!
♪ ♪
[water burbling]
[dramatic choral music]
♪ ♪
[sighs]
[clapping]
We're good. [sighs]
We got it. That's a wrap.
Ah! [applause]
♪ ♪
She swapped the Grail out for the decoy underwater,
- didn't she? - Of course she did.
You two are simply incapable of listening, aren't you?
And so after 26 days,
three major injuries, two production designers,
and $18 million
- of the Vatican's money... - Wow.
Mathilde and the Sisters of the Coin completed
the most ambitious commercial in history.
Yes.
How come no one's ever seen it?
Oh.
Well, isn't it obvious?
No.
No?
Shall I tell you?
We want to know.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
[funky music]
♪ ♪
Sometimes, at the end of the road,
when all seems lost,
miracles happen.
♪ ♪
[crowd murmuring]
That was very... impressive.
But I'm a bit confused.
What's confusing?
I have delivered
British Knights Corporation a masterpiece,
and all you have to do is air it during the Super Bowl.
But here's the thing.
We didn't hire you to do this.
We just met you for the first time today.
Yes, but I spoke to someone in your office.
He was incredibly enthusiastic about the prospect.
His name, I believe, was Brian.
[indistinct murmuring]
Brian's an intern.
[crowd groaning]
But I've put my heart into this.
And I give you this. It's a gift. It's for free.
I'm sorry. It's a pass.
[crowd gasps]
[melancholy music]
♪ ♪
You didn't get their permission?
If I asked for permission every time in my life--
Spare us, Mathilde.
Your folly has cost us dearly.
And not a single eye will fall upon the Asset,
which means we will have to triple
our efforts to have it seen.
[all muttering]
This never happened.
Bury every goddamn shoe.
And if the world ever sees a frame
of this ludicrous endeavor,
I will see that you are banished from the Sisterhood.
♪ ♪
You cut my line.
I didn't believe you.
Yet I believed you.
You're not really dying, are you?
Whatever it takes.
♪ ♪
My resignation.
[music darkens]
♪ ♪
I do not accept it.
You're fired, Clara.
Leave, and never show your face here again.
Out of my love and dedication to you,
I vow it will be done.
♪ ♪
Goodbye, Maman.
♪ ♪
So she swapped the Grail to fuck over her mom,
but her mom didn't know she swapped it,
so why bother fucking with her at all?
Ooh, right.
- Mom stuff. - Hmm?
Lizzie's mom shot her with a crossbow.
She's still kinda working through it.
All right, all right, all right,
I don't want to talk about me.
When do you come in to this story?
[cat meows]
Ah, yes.
It is indeed time for Apollo and I to enter stage right.
[intriguing music]
♪ ♪
[footsteps approaching]
Uh, oh, office hours are over.
You'll have to come back tomorrow, I'm afraid.
Um...
I'm not one of your students, Professor.
My name is Clara.
I am, um, Mathilde La Fleur's daughter.
And, uh,
I am also your daughter.
- I knew it! - [screams] What the fuck?
- I knew it. - What?
- You did not know it. - I knew it.
You said you knew that the priest was the father.
- I knew that too. - He did not know it.
I also knew that the priest was lying
because, you know, Beardo here is her true father.
I can't believe you're her father.
Yeah. I mean, I can, but--
Yeah, well, I didn't bloody well know it
at the time, did I, right?
And trust me, it was quite the development.
How did Clara even know where you were?
I found your letters.
My mother kept them hidden,
but I found them when I was a child.
I suspect she never told you about me.
She didn't.
Don't take it personally.
It was reckless of her to have a relationship
with an outsider.
It's forbidden by the Sisterhood.
The Sisterhood?
The Sisters of the Coin.
- They are a... - Secret organization
sworn to protect the Asset.
See? We're paying attention.
Why did she come to you, Arthur?
♪ ♪
Because I'm a scientist.
If you loved my mother as much as you letters suggested,
you deserve to know why she disappeared.
She is incapable of loving anyone,
not as long as this exists.
Ah.
- The infamous Asset. - Yeah.
The only thing Mathilde La Fleur ever cared for.
Her entire life revolves around its protection,
which is why you must help me destroy it.
[chuckles softly] I--I don't--
I don't understand why you need my help.
Have you tried a hammer?
I have literally tried everything.
This is no ordinary bowl.
Because it's the Holy Grail.
The physics lab at this university
has a Hercules Laser, right?
Oui.
We fire the laser at the Asset.
If it makes so much as a scratch,
you will never see me again.
But if the bowl stays intact,
you must vow to help me destroy the Grail.
Dear girl, that laser
is going to burn a hole through your bowl.
Then vow.
[scoffs]
Sure. All right, why not?
I vow to help you destroy the Holy Grail.
Whatever it takes.
[soft dramatic music]
♪ ♪
Then let us begin.
♪ ♪
[laser whirring]
Goggles on.
[whirring]
[laser zapping]
♪ ♪
[laser powering down]
[scoffs]
What the shit?
Right. Uh, here we are.
This will be your room.
You have a thing with cats.
No, No, I don't have a thing for cats, actually.
My-- my colleagues, they think it's hilarious
to gift me, uh, feline-themed--
[cat meows]
Ah.
And that's Apollo,
who was also a gift.
That reminds me.
These were given to me after the commercial.
They're not my size, but perhaps they fit you.
Oh.
Um...
Look, Clara, I--
I've--I've made it this far in my professional life
without being hindered by, um, attachments.
By family.
And I have no intention of breaking stride now.
I invited you to stay purely out of academic curiosity
and the chance for scientific exploration,
nothing more.
Of course.
Me too.
I only sought you out as a means to an end,
to help destroy the Grail.
This is a strictly professional partnership,
nothing more.
- Well, good. Good. - Okay.
[soft music]
♪ ♪
Thanks--thank you very much for the trainers.
Um, actually, I've been meaning to get myself a pair.
Uh, um...
maybe do not wear them in public.
There is an evil priest out to get me,
and he will recognize those shoes.
Yeah, no shit he'd recognize the shoes.
They must have been given away
when I was presumed dead.
Yes, you mentioned that the Vatican
might be hunting you down.
Do you have a plan for that?
I stole a copy of the commercial,
and...
I will send it to that asshole as a warning.
I just need to add a little something of my own.
Does that camcorder work?
That's when she recorded the video.
If you try to find me,
or if I so much catch a whiff of you...
Well, we may have engaged
in some light blackmail.
And did you destroy the Grail?
We certainly made every attempt.
We tried a pneumatic drill, extreme heat, extreme cold,
cold then hot, hot then cold.
We threw it under a stampede of elephants in Kenya.
But nothing worked.
Wow. That's a--that's a lot.
How long did you do this for?
Ten years.
You traveled the world with your daughter for years.
While I still had my academic posting,
Clara and I would get together once a month
to test a new theory.
I was just honoring my vow.
So while you and Clara were out
doing your scientific expeditions,
what was up with the Articles of Care?
Oh. Well, most of them,
complete bollocks and utter superstition,
but, actually, except for one.
Turns out the Grail did need to be on the move.
Otherwise, it would emit the foulest odor.
What happened at the end of ten years?
Well, it all culminated October 31st, 2001,
NASA launching a rocket in the California desert.
And since we hadn't tried exposing the Grail
to ignited rocketed fuel, made the trip.
But it failed, like all the others.
There was one item in the Articles of Care
we hadn't yet dismissed,
the most important of the Sisters' ridiculous rules.
I'm going to drink from it.
What?
"Thou shall not sip," the most sacred rule.
Why?
Because maybe sipping is what destroys it.
It is literally the only thing we haven't tried.
Well, no.
What about the volcano?
We could rent a place on the Big Island,
and you could learn to surf.
And I could just snorkel.
Do you want to destroy the Asset or go on vacation?
No, of course I want to destroy it.
I just--I just like spending time with you.
[soft music]
♪ ♪
I'm doing it.
Wait--wait. And--and then what happens?
You drink, and what?
It just bursts into a cloud of dust?
That's magical bloody thinking, Clara.
You made a vow...
to help me destroy it.
♪ ♪
All right.
But I'm gonna drink from it.
No.
Absolutely not.
That was my idea.
Yes, and given the potential consequences,
a dangerous one.
[chuckles softly]
You think it will kill me.
Now who is doing the magical bloody thinking, huh?
Oh, come on, Clara.
You're just as scared as I am,
or you'd have sipped from it years ago.
No.
I'm not scared.
I just didn't want to do it alone.
♪ ♪
Okay. [speaking French]
Rock, paper, scissors.
- Oh. - One throw, winner drinks.
And I will tell you in advance, I'm throwing rock.
But then all I have to do is throw paper, and I win.
Yeah, that's correct,
because I am definitely throwing rock.
Wait, so do you want me to drink from it?
Because, you know, I will.
I want you to do
whatever you feel you have to
in response to my rock.
Yeah, yeah. This is hurting my head.
Okay, enough. Hands up.
Ready?
♪ ♪
Rock, paper, scissors.
Throw!
♪ ♪
What the fuck did she throw?
Scissors.
[Clara Luciani's "Les fleurs"]
[soft, funky music]
♪ ♪
You lied.
[singing in French]
♪ ♪
To magical bloody thinking.
♪ ♪
[chuckles]
♪ ♪
Well, that was definitely worth the try.
[laughs]
♪ ♪
And that's when this look
came over her eyes,
a sense of complete peace and...
tranquility.
I'd never seen it before.
It was as if--
it was as if she went somewhere.
♪ ♪
I know where she was.
And who she was with.
Well, wherever she was, she came back...
♪ ♪
And she smiled at me.
And she said...
Whatever it takes.
♪ ♪
[onlookers screaming]
Her head exploded?
Oh, Wiley, don't. Just, don't.
- Oh, my God! - Wiley, don't.
Wait, wait. Hold on.
You lied to us, man.
You said that Clara was--was here.
Not here.
Here.
[intriguing music]
♪ ♪
And here.
What?
The moment that Clara died,
I knew I had to get her liver inside someone else.
You see that cat?
[cat meows]
He's actually 35 years old.
One day, during our experiments,
the Grail was left unattended in my lab,
and a mouse accidentally drank from it.
The mouse died.
And then Apollo ate the mouse.
The cat was absolutely fine.
Subsequent bloodwork revealed his organs to be
totally pristine, no damage whatsoever.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Well, I had a theory that the Grail itself
had a microtoxin baked into its finish,
and perhaps that's what causes the smell.
Whatever it is, it killed the mouse.
But when Apollo ate that mouse,
he developed an immunity, like a vaccine effect.
So after Clara died, the only way to pass on
any potential immunity was an organ transplant.
And the most detoxifying organ is?
- [softly] Shit. - The liver.
Yes.
So whoever received Clara's liver
could theoretically drink from the Grail.
They would not only be immune to its toxic effects
but quite possibly able to counteract them.
And, as Clara originally theorized,
so destroy the Grail.
- [softly] Holy... - [mumbling]
But when I saw you two, you were just, um...
you were children.
You were there at the hospital.
♪ ♪
What's your name?
Lizzie.
What's yours?
Wiley.
I realized, in that moment,
my obsession was too great,
and to see it through might well put others at risk.
So if I couldn't destroy the Grail,
well, then, I had to get rid of it.
It had to be in constant motion
because of the smell.
Now, luckily, I knew some marine biologists
who owed me a favor.
And they took me out on their research vessel,
and I fed the Grail...
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
To a sperm whale.
Did you say a whale?
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Unfortunately, after ingesting the relic,
the whale went a little bit berserk,
and it destroyed our ship.
That is how Apollo and I ended up here
on this island.
The longer we stayed here, I found,
the less I thought about destroying the Holy Grail
until eventually,
I brought about my own rescue,
after which I was introduced to the Algorithm.
She said I could ask Her whatever I wanted.
And I knew as soon as she proposed it
that I was still obsessed,
that my--my compulsion to test the theory
was as strong as ever
because I asked her for the whereabouts
of Elizabeth Abbott and Preston Wiley.
I had to fight the urge to seek you out.
The only way to guarantee your safety
would be for me to return to this island forever.
But now,
you two have found me by your own volition.
And whether that's fate or coincidence
or the Algorithm,
I--I haven't got a clue.
But all I do know is,
it's a goddamned sign.
Now, that whale has a tracking device on it.
We can find it,
and I can, at last, destroy the Holy Grail.
So you want us to get the Holy Grail
out of a fucking whale
so one of us can drink from it
and maybe get our heads exploded, hmm?
That's about the size of it, yeah.
[scoffs]
[soft dramatic music]
[scoffs forcefully]
Lizzie.
Come on.
What do you say?
That's crazy.
What do you say?
No. No, no.
No, no.
What do you say?
♪ ♪
[singing in French]
♪ ♪
Whatever it takes.
[singing in French]
♪ ♪