[soft jazz music]
Eat your broccoli.
♪ ♪
Oh...
I found a velvet sectional for the living room.
I put some plants behind it, you know, scheffleras.
There is a gorgeous new plant store in Arleta.
[chuckles]
Turns out I like Arleta. Don't go there at night.
Oh, and Theresa needs a grand piano.
I mean, who are we fooling with this upright?
She's too good.
We're gonna have to hold off on this stuff
for a while, all right?
Why?
♪ ♪
Where'd the money go, Vince? Did it just disappear?
It's been a tough couple of months.
Oh, yeah, it's gonna be a tough year
if you keep letting Johnny do your books.
Hey, that's business. That's not your problem.
Oh, yes, it is.
You know who never loses money,
who tracks every cent
that comes in this house like a hawk?
Not that you'd appreciate it. - I appreciate you.
And I need a new dishwasher.
It's hot in here.
How big of a piano are we talking about?
You tell me.
you're better at fitting things in tight spaces.
Okay, the piano, but the other stuff--
No, no, no, I totally understand,
completely understand. - Good.
I got a surprise. [both laugh]
Guys got this off a truck. - Oh, my God.
Brand-spanking-new.
- [gasps] - Might put you in the mood.
[laughs] Oh, oh, my.
You didn't tell me you got a second job modeling.
- [laughs] - [squeals]
[upbeat music]
What the hell is this?
♪ ♪
No, no, no, no, Louie. I got it.
No problem. I-I'll fix this.
Okay, no, thank you.
Uh, who do I go to for petty cash?
We need some set pieces
that read Italian Renaissance.
Put that on ice, Prigger. We got a bigger problem.
We're in business with the Mob,
with the literal Mob
who whack people and bootleg whiskey?
Well, it's not the 1920s, but, yeah.
You never thought to tell me
that the Mafia delivers my magazine?
Guys in trucks deliver our magazines,
and they are employed by shipping companies
who may or may not, but absolutely do,
have ties to organized crime.
Well, then let's get a different distributor.
Great, you know anybody who wants
all their trucks set on fire tomorrow?
Okay, so they're--they're Catholic enough
to be offended by an article on birth control,
but yet they're somehow fine with naughty nuns?
These are complicated people, Joyce.
They contain multitudes.
Don't quote my heroes back to me.
It's so irritating when you do that.
Don't-- [gasps]
They probably just blew past the nuances in my article.
What if I talk to 'em
and--and I explain the benefits of family planning?
Are you one of those people
who gets turned on the moment before you die?
How could anybody answer that with any accuracy?
You're just giving in?
No, I'm getting "Minx" back on the shelves.
This is now a shippable magazine.
One down and 499,000 to go.
You're welcome. Grab a magazine.
[Andwella's "Hold on to Your Mind"]
♪ Getting you took a long, long time ♪
♪ What's your name? Are you feeling fine? ♪
♪ Pull up a chair, share my wine ♪
Hey, there they are.
♪ Close your eyes, come inside ♪
Don't worry about us.
We will be in and out quicker than a senator in a whorehouse.
There you go.
Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar. Thank you.
You do realize your magazine's already broken out
by region-- like, all over the warehouse.
You gonna have to go around pulling bundles.
It's gonna take all week.
All right, Bambi, you are our page opener,
Richie, staple remover, Shelly, article extractor,
and, Tina, bringing it all home as our re-stapler.
Um, yeah, you know, I think we should--
Yeah, um, I'm actually a natural staple remover.
- Oh. - It's a shoot day tomorrow.
These shouldn't be near anything sharp.
Gotcha.
[stapler clicks]
Ooh, I like that.
- - I'm-- - I'm not trying to die today.
Big centerfold shoot tomorrow.
We're doing "David." - Oh, Niven?
- Uh, no, Michelangelo. - Oh, that's my Joyce-y.
This is what I'm talking about right here--
the A-team setting the standard.
I love to see it. - How long is this gonna take?
I have so much to do at the office.
We'll leave when we're done. How's that?
- I suggested day laborers. - Yeah, but they don't care.
They're mercenaries, just ripping apart our magazine
like a pack of wolves.
No, I hire good people who give a shit.
I'll go talk to 'em.
And I will get coffee.
Mm, now, I don't have a thing for feet,
but check out those little piggies.
I'd like to take them to market.
[laughter]
As you were, gentlemen.
It's nothing I don't see every single day.
In fact, I actually consulted on this photo shoot,
which is why our naughty teacher
is holding the book right side up.
I wonder if you could point me in the direction of the coffee.
It's in the cabinet, but the pot's cracked.
Excuse me, after an 18-hour shift,
you might get a case of the dropsies, too.
18 hours? That is a long day.
Tape is in the cabinet.
- Oh, merci. - Right on.
What happened to your hand?
Forklift, one. Carlos, zero.
Noted.
Oh, thank you.
- [coughs] - Oh, my God.
- [coughs] - What's wrong with you?
Oh, yeah.
Ventilation in the warehouse is dog shit.
Fumes from the trucks.
Well, gentlemen, not to give our current administration
too much credit, but they did pass
federal workplace safety regulations
two years ago.
Surely you've heard of OSHA? - OSHA?
Yeah, you don't have to labor in these awful conditions.
You, like all workers, have rights.
♪ ♪
- How many more days, Tina? - Not my call, Phil.
When the job's done, it'll be done.
But fixing "Minx" is not our job.
I have four profitable titles of my own.
I spent all day yesterday hauling magazine bales
like a goddamn farmer.
- Van leaves at 9:00. - [sighs]
[sighs deeply]
[screams]
Oh, huh, oh--
Oh, that doesn't look like Eddie.
- It's not Eddie. - Who is Eddie?
The snake we book for shoots, but that's not Eddie.
All right, okay, look, we have been socialized
by the patriarchy to think of ourselves
as victims who need to be rescued,
but we're liberated women.
We can clearly just rescue ourselve--
[snake hisses] - Oh!
All right, okay, all right. Okay, all right.
Aw, hi, friend. Are you lost?
It's okay.
We're gonna find you a new home.
What about the parking lot?
In a little ditch back there, I saw a bunch of mice.
Seems like a fun time. Yes, cutie.
Bleh! Okay, we have got to put up a sign,
make sure people do not leave the door open.
You think that thing slithered in on a its own?
That was a threat. - Oh.
Message received, Louie, and snake received.
[chuckles] No, no, no, no, no, I'm not accusing you.
- I'm-- - I'm simply relaying news of a wayward snake.
The point is, is I will handle this 100%.
You are as reasonable as you are kind.
T-thank you. Bye.
Prigger!
Why do you always assume that it's my fault?
Oh, was it some other jackass in a pussy bow
riling up the warehouse guys,
educating them about workers' rights?
It's a wildly unsafe environment.
Surely even the Mob doesn't want their employees
dying on the job. - They're the Mob.
They're famous for being okay with that.
And I'm the bad guy here.
Listen to me, kid.
I went from having no "Minx" to no magazines at all.
They won't deliver anything of mine because of you.
15 years I'm in business
with these people, no problem.
You're here six weeks,
and I don't know if I have a business anymore.
Well, if it's that fragile, I might argue
that you don't have a business at all, really.
Don't you take the high road on me.
So you're into workers now? You're their champion?
Is that it? - Sure.
Stand up. Look out the window.
I mean it. Stand up, please.
Look out the window.
You see all these people? - Mm-hmm.
Well, their asses are on the line because of you.
All right, okay, surely there is
a simple solution here. - Yeah, there is.
You're gonna get your wish. You're gonna talk to the Mob.
♪ ♪
Uh...
♪ ♪
I cannot believe I'm missing this,
but I'm sure that everything you need is right in here.
Oh, and Shelly knows what I want, so...
I'm not sure where exactly he's supposed to be looking.
Away from camera.
That's the "Minx" twist. - Oh.
"The David" is idealized male beauty.
It's a sculpture that invites objectification,
but just as we reject men looking at women,
we also reject men looking at women looking at men.
But he's already looking away.
Yes, that's why we having him looking away
but in the opposite direction.
It subverts expectation.
- Oh. - Okay. Uh, Dane, hop up there.
♪ ♪
- Am I supposed to look away? - You'll get used to it.
♪ ♪
Yeah, that's the rough idea, I guess, but I have to go.
So, um, I know you'll make it sing.
Joyce--
Is he just gonna leave that there?
Lord in Heaven.
How long is this drive?
Those chocolate dicks are not gonna hold up in the sun.
- Think they're gonna melt? - Move over.
You have no flair for presentation.
All right. Thank you.
Today's gonna go good.
I'm gonna go to this little shindig for Little Vito,
get some face time with the big man,
and, boom, we'll be back in business.
If I knew the fate of our company came down to a T-shirt,
I would've sprung for a 100% cotton.
[chuckles] You sure you're cool to hold down the fort?
You cool with waltzing into a Mob boss' house?
Oh, come on, these are L.A. gangsters.
The danger peters out
the further you get from Sicily.
♪ ♪
What is going on? Are you worried about me?
I'm just not sure bringing the problem
to solve the problem solves the problem.
All right, well, unless you got any connections
to a rival crime family...
I think this is our only move.
Hey...
what do you think?
Cement shoes are gonna go great with those slacks.
All right, go ahead. Let me hear it. Practice.
- [snorts derisively] - With pep.
[sighs]
I'm sorry I sowed seeds
of resentment at your warehouse.
Joyce...
you are there to kiss the ring, okay?
Oh, please. He's not the Pope.
Not that that guy is any great shakes either, by the way,
His policy on homo-- - No, Joyce.
You're there to apologize and to congratulate Little Vito
on getting made, married, or out of jail.
Under no circumstances do you preach, rabble-rouse,
or speak truth to power-- no Joyce-ing.
Oh-ho, I didn't realize I was a verb now.
And maybe, you know,
just to play devil's advocate,
aren't we here because Joyce-ing is effective?
I-I activated those workers, didn't I?
I'm so sorry. What is your argument here?
That maybe I'm the perfect person
to change a few hearts and minds
about reproductive rights. - Okay, you know what?
I think they made their position on the pill
crystal clear, Prigger.
Why don't we take them at their word
and stop pissing 'em off?
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm grea--yes.
All right, practice, go again. - Oh, my God!
♪ ♪
[doorbell rings]
[cap gun pops]
[children shouting]
Vito, Vito, don't go too far!
And no peeing in the Larsons' yard!
Must be here for Vince.
Follow me. Get the door.
Little Vito?
I thought it was ironic,
like Thin Joey or Handsome Tom, okay?
[Bobby Darin's "Beyond the Sea"]
♪ Somewhere ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Beyond the sea ♪
♪ She's there watching for me ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If I could fly ♪
♪ Like birds on high ♪ - The ball is out!
♪ Then straight to her arms ♪
♪ I'd go sailing ♪
Hey, Vince, some work friends are here
at your son's birthday.
Doug Renetti, Bottom Dollar, and this is--
Come on, honey. Girls are in the kitchen.
Oh, no, I'm fine here.
I'd say just go in the kitchen.
No, it's--this is where all the action is.
Believe me, you'll be bored out of your mind, sweetheart.
Go. - Plans change.
Go make friends. I'll pull you in if I can.
Come on, hon. We need help in the kitchen.
♪ ♪
Help me settle a bet, will you?
I say every man with a beard has a weak chin.
[laughter]
You got me. [laughs]
[indistinct chatter, baby cries]
Oh, shoes off, hon. We just polished the floors.
- Oh. - Girls, this is Joyce.
She came in with a very handsome fella.
- Oh! - No, no, God, no.
He's not my boyfriend. - Who is not her boyfriend.
Oh.
Wow, seems like there is a lot
of unacknowledged labor going on in here.
Do the men ever lift a finger to help--
Yeah, stir the gravy. I got to frost the cake.
So we only had the one car, the GTO,
and Freddy had to be the one to drive it.
By the way, Freddy hates left turns.
We'll make smaller and smaller circles
till we just get somewhere.
We don't want to ruin your nice outfit.
What was this, $30? Bullocks on Wilshire.
Actually, yes.
So I wait till Freddy's out of town,
and I go and buy one of those baby car seats, a pink one,
and I put it in the GTO.
Freddy comes home. Now it's a woman's car.
He goes out and gets himself a Caddy.
I got the GTO. - That's very clever.
But, uh, it reinforces gender norms--
- Will you hold Steffi a sec? - Sure.
Oh, God, I don't think she likes me, though.
[bell dings] - Don't forget the gravy.
[Steffi crying]
Quickly?
You know, there is a new movement
called Wages for House--
You like?
- That is incredible. - Mm.
[upbeat music]
The problem isn't the angle. It's the concept.
Then why don't we try something else?
I mean, we're already not doing the "David."
- Mm. - Sure.
Look at this guy's giant hands and cute little fella.
You have a much bigger penis than the "David."
Much.
Standards of masculinity were different
in Renaissance Florence.
Large penises were associated
with foolishness, ugliness, and lust.
Oh.
Oh, okay. [scoffs]
Listen, Joyce told us her vision,
and we need to execute that.
But are we even in the neighborhood of arousal here?
If we give Joyce something that sparkles,
I mean, she'll find meaning we didn't even know was there.
She is very good at that.
- Mm-hmm. - It's the face thing.
I want to see his face.
It's the one thing she was clear about--the face.
Can't you just use a different lens or something?
Babe, that's not how photography works.
Get him up there. I'm gonna change the lens.
And it does a sani cycle.
Washes glasses without leaving spots.
[women gasp]
Louie doesn't know it yet,
but he's getting me one of these.
The design is very elegant,
but it just--you know what?
Appliances like this just give women
the illusion of more time.
I want one, but Freddy is so cheap.
That's consistent with the Freddy
you've been describing. - Oh, hon.
Steff Just spilled her juice. Will you get that for me?
Yes.
Did you spill your juice?
Freddy, did you see Francie's new dishwasher?
It soaks and scrubs.
Looks expensive.
Oh, I wasn't suggesting. I know we can't afford it.
But maybe in a few years
when Francesca or Brenda upgrade,
we can get their old one.
Louie's getting you one of these?
It's been discussed.
Pick one up this weekend.
You're the boss.
[whispering] Did you see that?
She just totally manipulated him.
[dishes clatter] - Time for birthday cake.
[normal voice] She's good.
♪ ♪
[cheers and applause on TV]
What a tough loss, right?
But I think we all know how it feels
to have something pulled out from under you--
- Postgame, postgame. - Yeah.
Let's just finish the postgame.
Tough one out there today, Billy.
Those backers were all over me
like a tick on a coonhound.
Only one thing left to do-- shake off the loss,
hit the town, see what kind of tail
Buffalo has to offer.
Oh, Jes-- You earned it, Billy.
[laughter]
They don't make 'em like him anymore, right?
No, they don't-- a guy who makes mistakes
but somehow comes back even stronger for the win--
It's the only position in the league
where they still allow white guys to even play.
It's the most important one.
They need someone who strategizes good.
They don't let the mulignans on the team for their brains.
You know, when I was young, we had the Yankees, right?
And then they had a Negro league, and it was fine.
It just worked fine.
Jackie Robinson comes along, before you know it,
I got to hire these people.
Yeah, that's when the money starts walking out the door.
That's why there's fucking cash missing all the time.
Sticky fingers, every single one of them.
Well, you know what they say about the Sicilians--
they're no-good gangsters, and they're thugs,
every single one of them. [chuckles]
What'd you just say?
[stammers] I thought you guys were gonna laugh.
I was making a joke. I'm an Italian myself.
Oh, really?
You got to be a Nablidon of course, right?
- I don't speak the language. - Oh, you're not Italian.
I didn't mean any disrespect.
I have nothing but respect for you.
You know, a-at my company, Bottom Dollar,
I got everybody under the sun working for me.
My top lieutenant's Black-- a woman, Black woman.
- Oh. - She's good, man.
She's good. [chuckles]
When I had money missing, it was her
who figured out who took it.
Who stole it, her brother?
[laughter] - [chuckles]
Funny, no, no. All I'm saying is,
if somebody's skimming off the top,
the chances are it's not a low-level guy you just hired.
It's somebody who knows your business the best.
It's the inner circle--
the people you let your guard down around,
the ones you consider your friends.
And if you ask me, that's just common se--
[indistinct chatter on TV]
40% budget increase, camera upgrades,
60-pound glossy stock-- what is this?
List of demands. You know Doug has lost it.
- [sighs] - We want a fair workplace.
We want what "Minx" gets.
- Shouldn't you be working? - We can't.
"Minx" is two hours over their studio time.
Big surprise.
[chair squeaks] - [sighs]
♪ ♪
Vittorio! It's time!
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ ♪
Vittorio!
[panicked chatter]
♪ ♪
Finally. So?
So it's a complex negotiation.
You haven't even brought up the magazine yet, have you?
- Nope. - Why are you so sweaty?
Your beard is really sweaty. - Oh, shit.
all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - It's dripping.
all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday-- ♪
Vince needs to speak with you one-on-one.
- - I thought I-- - I was gonna have some cake first.
I strongly advise against it. Come on.
all: ♪ To you ♪
♪ And many more ♪ [laughter]
Happy birthday. [cheers and applause]
♪ ♪
Seven in a row.
How are you doing that? Are you actually David?
No, I just grew up on a farm.
Okay, we have to get back to work.
I changed the whole lighting setup.
Let's just pretend like we've never done any of this before.
I'm not your mother, Dane.
Thank God.
Up here.
- Oh, cramp. - You okay?
Ooh, yeah, yeah. Just give me a sec.
- Okay. - Ooh.
[exhales sharply]
[inhales deeply]
[exhales sharply]
♪ ♪
- Where'd you learn this? - Juilliard...
calisthenics class, man.
I went there for a semester-- too competitive.
[camera shutter clicking]
- All right, I'm good. - No, no, no.
Keep doing what you're doing. It's great.
♪ ♪
Excellent. Hold that for me, extend.
Gorgeous, stay there. Stay there.
[camera shutter clicks] Okay, give me--
Come on in. Let's go.
Hey, Phil, we're still shooting here.
- Not anymore. - Phil, what's going on?
We're about to shoot. That's what we're doing.
- What's happening? - I don't know.
No, no, Phil, we have the studio.
You've been here for hours. Show's over.
You guys have been here long enough.
- I'm in the middle of a shoot. - No, no, no, no.
- Don't! These are-- - Don't touch our books.
Ladies, no, please. If you could just cover up.
- Been waiting for-- - Hey!
Stop it! Knock it off!
I know that you don't respect me, but you have to go--
That is a library book.
This is our book! Absolutely--
I said knock it the fuck off!
"Minx," you went way over your studio time.
You are one magazine out of 15. - Yeah, you tell 'em.
Shut up, dumbass. You can't bum-rush a photo shoot
because you're unhappy. - It's all our equipment.
So we'll set up a system that ensures equal access.
I'll talk to Doug. - Doug is out of his mind.
Well, if he is, he's earned the right to be
more than anyone else here.
And I'll remind you that he has taken a chance
on every single one of us in this room.
So, if you don't like what's happening at this company,
you are free to walk.
There's the door.
Now clean this shit up.
"Minx," you have ten minutes to finish.
Okay.
Please. [indistinct chatter]
Thanks, sugar.
You know his dick is more like Goliath's
than David's, right?
- Oh, yeah, it's enormous. - We're aware.
- Okay, yeah. - It's almost too big.
Renetti...
Very few men come into my home
and talk to me like you talk to me,
You interrupt the postgame.
- First of all, I-- - Whoa! Whoa.
Now you're interrupting me.
And on top of that...
you accuse my guys...
my guys of stealing from me.
[clears throat] About that, uh--uh...
- Mm. - The truth is
I-I don't know your guys.
Well, I do.
They're my cousins.
They're my brother-in-laws. They're my nephews.
And every one of them is a freaking piece of shit.
You hit the nail right on the head, Renetti--you did.
Sometimes it takes someone from the outside to, uh...
to make one confront an awful truth.
My whole family--
they're all skimming from me, and I know it.
But I'm trapped in some web
of--of--of nepotism and incompetence.
And, frankly, I'm jealous of what you
and this colored broad got.
So tell me, Renetti, what's your secret here?
I guess if there's a secret, the secret is, is, um...
hire the best people for the job.
Black, white, gay, straight, pretty face, lazy eye...
[chuckles]
Good people are good people, full stop.
Yeah, well, obviously I don't get résumés
here on my desk, you know?
Hey, if I can put a winning team together
in porn,
surely you can with all your, you know, legitimate
and impressive businesses
that I have so much respect for.
What is it?
You having money problems, Vince?
So let me ask you--
who do you trust the most with your finances?
[sighs]
[dreamy music]
Thanks for getting the dishes, hon.
It's fine.
You know, honestly, right now it just feels good to be busy.
- Trouble at home? - Work.
The handsome fella?
I am in a partnership with a man
who doesn't respect or value me.
It's fine. You girls don't want to hear about that.
Uh, yeah, we do. We've heard Sylvia's car story three times.
That was twice.
- - I just-- - I don't know what we're doing here today.
You know, he brings me here.
Supposedly we want the same thing--
to put out our magazine together--
and then he just brushes me aside,
and he has no idea how hard it is to do what I do.
I bet he's more than happy taking the credit, too.
- Oh, you know Doug? - I know men.
- Mm-hmm. - Ha!
[sighs] You know what?
I-I see you women,
and I see everything that you have, and...
I made a different choice,
but some days - I just-- - I wonder--
I just wonder if that was the right one.
I saw your magazine. I thought it was cute.
That article on birth control, unacceptable.
- You read it? - I didn't need to.
I'm a good Catholic. I know the Church's teachings.
I respect and I completely understand that faith, okay?
I'm a good Episcopalian myself.
Well, I'm Episcopalian.
[all chuckle]
Could I at least tell you about the article?
I think it'll make me feel better.
Okay, sweetie.
[knife scrapes on plate]
Have some cake.
♪ ♪
[Steely Dan's "Dirty Work"]
All the magazines are back
on the trucks tomorrow, except "Minx."
I tried, kid. There was nothing I could do.
This guy respects his wife like nobody's business.
- Well, actually-- - I thought I was a goner.
Lights out for old Renetti.
I thought he was gonna kill me.
He locked eyes with me,
and, I mean, my heart was exploding.
I know, right, but the thing is--
But don't worry about it, okay?
'Cause I'm gonna get "Minx" back, kid.
I'm not quitting on "Minx." I will find a way.
I know you will.
♪ I'm a fool to do your dirty work... ♪
These are amazing.
Taking him off the pedestal in a series of shots
just eliminates the-- the oppression
endemic to idealized beauty.
We've made it okay to look.
That's exactly what we were going for.
Really great job, guys.
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ ♪
Hey, how'd it go yesterday?
Uneventful. You?
About the same.
I did make some policy changes
on studio time and equipment.
You want to approve? - Approved.
Hey, I made a good choice when I hired you.
And I'm thankful for that every day since.
- I'm, um-- - I'm sorry if I don't tell you that enough.
Phone call, Doug.
- I should take that. - Mm-hmm.
You should.
♪ I don't wanna do your dirty work ♪
Thank you.
♪ No more ♪
"Minx" is back on the trucks, birth control article and all.
You don't say.
I guess I made a bigger impression
on Vince than I thought.
Luckily, we didn't get too far
on that hatchet job on your article.
Well, in retrospect,
that was a very resourceful idea that you had.
Thank you. That's, um, big of you to say.
You're the boss.
[Lynn Castle & Last Friday's Fire's "Lady Barber"]
♪ ♪
♪ There was an in-love lady barber ♪
♪ Who wanted what she could not have ♪
♪ She climbed up the mountains too high ♪
♪ She fell over and over again ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She wanted to capture the sunshine ♪
♪ To touch each brand-new drop of rain ♪
♪ To travel the length of a rainbow ♪
♪ And never come back again ♪
♪ She wanted to lie in straw meadows ♪
♪ ♪
♪ To feel capital love everywhere ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Yet way, way down deep, deep inside her ♪
♪ ♪
♪ She wondered if she really cared ♪
♪ ♪
♪ There was an in-love lady barber ♪
♪ Who wanted what she could not have ♪
♪ She climbed up the mountains too high ♪
♪ She fell over and over again ♪
♪ ♪