1 00:00:01,544 --> 00:00:05,047 So it's the middle of the night, and, uh, I'm naked, 2 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:06,424 I'm in a museum, 3 00:00:06,424 --> 00:00:08,718 I'm surrounded by these Roman statues, right, 4 00:00:08,718 --> 00:00:11,095 and I realize I have to take a leak, 5 00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:12,638 so I go to the bathroom, 6 00:00:12,638 --> 00:00:15,725 and Rodin's Thinking Guy, right, 7 00:00:15,725 --> 00:00:18,352 he's either there already, or he followed me in. 8 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:20,104 - Uh-huh. - I'm trying to take a leak, 9 00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:22,064 but he's staring at me, 10 00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:25,151 and then, suddenly, the statue starts to pee. 11 00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:26,527 I mean, like, 12 00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:30,489 the longest, loudest pee you've ever heard, like Vesuvius. 13 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:32,575 - [laughs] - Like Niagara. 14 00:00:32,575 --> 00:00:34,076 I mean, he's mocking me. 15 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,495 I get no relief, not even in my sleep. 16 00:00:38,456 --> 00:00:39,749 I'm kind of clogged up. 17 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,960 [blows hard through nose] 18 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,420 [blowing] 19 00:00:44,420 --> 00:00:46,547 Wow. Wow, loud. 20 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:49,425 That was much louder than I thought it was going to be. 21 00:00:49,425 --> 00:00:52,470 It was exactly as loud as I thought it would be. 22 00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:56,640 Did you look at the apartments I sent you? 23 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,893 Yeah, whatever you want's fine. 24 00:00:58,893 --> 00:01:00,978 But I want you to feel like it's your place, too. 25 00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,064 You don't have any preferences? 26 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:06,233 I... I don't know, 27 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,152 a place with some nature around it, 28 00:01:08,152 --> 00:01:09,987 and a view of the river? 29 00:01:09,987 --> 00:01:12,323 - You know anything like that? - I'm off. 30 00:01:13,157 --> 00:01:15,075 [gasps] Did you just give me the cheek? 31 00:01:15,951 --> 00:01:17,369 I haven't brushed. 32 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,705 Uh-uh, not today. 33 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,666 Okay. 34 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:25,252 I will call you from New York. 35 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,588 - I love you. - You too. 36 00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,842 No jail this time. 37 00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,428 Ha! 38 00:01:35,846 --> 00:01:37,473 You're way too happy! 39 00:01:42,978 --> 00:01:47,066 [theme music playing] 40 00:02:45,082 --> 00:02:46,292 [Hank thinking] Oh, good. 41 00:02:46,292 --> 00:02:47,793 Two jars of pickles. 42 00:02:48,544 --> 00:02:50,254 Which are the good ones? 43 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,381 Hmm, what if I pick the wrong one? 44 00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,634 Oh, forget it. 45 00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:14,778 Uh, yeah. The green pickles. 46 00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,697 Green for good. 47 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,616 Wait. No. Blue for better? 48 00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,117 Was that... 49 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,223 {\an8}Dad? 50 00:03:51,815 --> 00:03:53,484 {\an8}Dad? 51 00:03:53,484 --> 00:03:56,153 [man on TV] I've saved the best for last for this date. 52 00:03:56,153 --> 00:03:57,655 [woman on TV] Oh, I'm so glad! 53 00:03:57,655 --> 00:04:00,032 [man] Yeah, yeah. I have to end it on-- 54 00:04:00,032 --> 00:04:01,784 {\an8}[woman] On a high note. 55 00:04:01,784 --> 00:04:02,993 {\an8}[man] Yeah, girl, absolutely. 56 00:04:02,993 --> 00:04:04,495 {\an8}What the hell? 57 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:05,829 {\an8}[woman] I'm so happy about that. 58 00:04:05,829 --> 00:04:08,374 {\an8}- Hi, Julie. - Hi. 59 00:04:08,374 --> 00:04:10,084 {\an8}I've called you, like, five times. 60 00:04:10,084 --> 00:04:12,419 {\an8}I know. I can't find my phone. 61 00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:15,798 {\an8}This phone? 62 00:04:15,798 --> 00:04:16,882 {\an8}Oh, there it is. 63 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,051 {\an8}- Thanks. - Yup. 64 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,219 {\an8}Hey. 65 00:04:20,219 --> 00:04:21,887 {\an8}Has Russell been here at all? 66 00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:24,264 - I don't know, was he here? - Dad! 67 00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:25,891 [snapping fingers] Focus. 68 00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:28,310 Have you seen Russell in the past 24 hours? 69 00:04:28,310 --> 00:04:30,145 [sighs heavily] 70 00:04:30,312 --> 00:04:31,355 No. 71 00:04:31,355 --> 00:04:32,564 - Okay. - Something wrong? 72 00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:34,316 No. It's nothing. 73 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,318 When does Mom get back? 74 00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:38,988 In a couple days, I think. 75 00:04:41,532 --> 00:04:43,951 Um... 76 00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,412 Russell didn't come home last night. 77 00:04:48,372 --> 00:04:49,498 Is that unusual? 78 00:04:49,498 --> 00:04:50,833 Yes. 79 00:04:50,833 --> 00:04:52,751 We're married. You were at the wedding. 80 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,796 You were so pretty. 81 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,175 Well, did you call him? 82 00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:03,595 You didn't think I'd try calling him? 83 00:05:03,595 --> 00:05:05,848 Well, do you want me to call him? 84 00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:07,349 Yeah, I guess. 85 00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,184 I'd like to know he's okay, and not, like, 86 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:11,186 at the bottom of a lake somewhere. 87 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:14,148 Are you guys fighting? 88 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,483 We're kind of always fighting, but it's fine. 89 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,485 Oh. 90 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,487 I can't... I thought I had his contact. 91 00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,739 Do you have his number? 92 00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,949 Oh, my God. Okay. 93 00:05:23,949 --> 00:05:25,200 Forget it. 94 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,453 Thank you so much. 95 00:05:27,453 --> 00:05:28,704 Goodbye. 96 00:05:28,704 --> 00:05:30,581 Okay. Thank you. 97 00:05:31,749 --> 00:05:33,292 [reality TV dating show resumes] 98 00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,295 Oh, Jesus. 99 00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:37,504 [Tony] Oh, sorry. 100 00:05:38,922 --> 00:05:41,300 If you're here to slaughter my father, he's in the bedroom. 101 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,718 Great. 102 00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,017 [woman on TV] Yeah, I get that about you. 103 00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:51,977 Yeah... 104 00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,854 - Ew. - Ah. 105 00:05:54,146 --> 00:05:56,065 I brought your stinkin' chainsaw back. 106 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,941 Just put it on the bed. 107 00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,151 So you can spoon it? 108 00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:04,239 Are you depressed because you miss our friendship? 109 00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,408 [TV show continues indistinctly] 110 00:06:06,408 --> 00:06:07,743 [turns TV off] 111 00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:11,038 [sighs] Look... 112 00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:13,373 [inhales] 113 00:06:13,916 --> 00:06:14,917 At the convention... 114 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,585 Hmm. 115 00:06:17,503 --> 00:06:18,837 [Hank inhales] 116 00:06:19,630 --> 00:06:21,381 The people, 117 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,549 the meal. 118 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,594 [inhaling] 119 00:06:25,594 --> 00:06:28,180 I... Uh... 120 00:06:28,180 --> 00:06:29,431 Sorry? 121 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,642 I'm sorry. 122 00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,811 Nice apology. 123 00:06:33,811 --> 00:06:35,020 You can keep the chainsaw. 124 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,814 - I don't want it. - It's an expensive one. 125 00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:38,899 - It's broken. - I know, but... 126 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:44,780 Grab your loaf of bread. Let's get out of here. 127 00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:47,282 No, I want to see what happens to the pretty girl. 128 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:49,118 She cheats on Massimo with T-bone. 129 00:06:49,118 --> 00:06:51,120 - [annoyed] Are you-- - [Tony] Yeah. 130 00:06:51,662 --> 00:06:53,831 [Tony] Here, come here. Take a look at these. 131 00:06:53,831 --> 00:06:55,874 I see. I see 'em. 132 00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:58,001 It's a white Trillium, or Trinity Flower. 133 00:06:58,001 --> 00:06:59,920 It's got three petals, one, two, three. 134 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,421 Okay. 135 00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:02,881 They're really rare to find. 136 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:03,966 Come on. 137 00:07:03,966 --> 00:07:05,676 Take a look. 138 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:10,139 The Native Americans use them for medicinal purposes. 139 00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,349 That's fine. 140 00:07:12,349 --> 00:07:14,309 Actually, they're considered endangered 141 00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:17,020 because they take up to 10 years to grow. 142 00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,188 [grunts] 143 00:07:19,398 --> 00:07:21,567 - Beautiful. - I just said they were endangered. 144 00:07:21,567 --> 00:07:23,986 Oh. I wasn't really listening. 145 00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:27,865 Okay. 146 00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:32,161 Yeah, put it back 'cause that's how flowers work. 147 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:33,287 Come on. 148 00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,875 You know how when Zelda and I got divorced, 149 00:07:37,875 --> 00:07:39,668 we each took a night table? 150 00:07:39,668 --> 00:07:41,879 I wasn't tracking that, but sure. 151 00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:44,339 So now she's remarried and wants the other night table, 152 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,175 and I know it's putting a lot on furniture, 153 00:07:46,175 --> 00:07:48,343 but I kind of felt like we were still connected, 154 00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:50,554 like I wasn't sleeping alone. 155 00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:53,390 I gave Lily the cheek the other day 156 00:07:53,390 --> 00:07:55,184 when she leaned in to kiss goodbye. 157 00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:56,894 So we're talking about you now? 158 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:58,604 [clears throat] That's why I showed up. 159 00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,855 Okay, I had my time. 160 00:07:59,855 --> 00:08:01,815 So are you mad at her for leaving? 161 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,109 I didn't think I was till I gave her the cheek, 162 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:06,737 but I thought I was happy for her. 163 00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,072 Well, the lips know more than the brain. 164 00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,824 Yeah. 165 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,618 My anger has nowhere to go. 166 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,203 It's unhoused. 167 00:08:14,703 --> 00:08:16,371 I'm like the Count of Monte Cristo, 168 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:18,874 but instead of plotting revenge for 40 years, 169 00:08:18,874 --> 00:08:21,543 I've been plotting a pointed conversation with my dad, 170 00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:26,298 and now the man that I wanted to confront is gone. 171 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:30,260 Gone. It's like an action movie, 172 00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:31,929 where I go to punch a guy, 173 00:08:31,929 --> 00:08:34,348 and he ducks, and I hit the guy behind him, 174 00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,433 and then I'm feeling guilty, 175 00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:39,561 then the guy behind me whacks me in the back of the head. 176 00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:40,812 Look, I've been here. 177 00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,481 No one knows an existential hole 178 00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:44,274 like a divorced person. 179 00:08:44,274 --> 00:08:46,151 Climbing out isn't easy. 180 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:47,903 Start with one thing. 181 00:08:47,903 --> 00:08:48,987 Something simple. 182 00:08:48,987 --> 00:08:51,406 Could be as easy as just picking clothes up off the floor. 183 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,325 Get it done. 184 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,244 Notice the feeling. 185 00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:56,411 Tomorrow, you'll get two things. 186 00:08:56,411 --> 00:08:57,788 Come on. [claps] Be present. 187 00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:58,956 Close your eyes. 188 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:00,832 First thing that comes up off the top of your head. 189 00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:01,917 Close your eyes. 190 00:09:04,002 --> 00:09:06,588 Um... Uh, my sink is leaking. 191 00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,132 The hose is broken. 192 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,635 - You've got to get right on that. - I will. 193 00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,137 It'll get under your floorboards and cost you $15,000. 194 00:09:14,137 --> 00:09:15,931 - I will. - You'll get black mold under there. 195 00:09:15,931 --> 00:09:17,766 - What are you even doing here? - I'll go. 196 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:19,851 We're walking around here, your house is falling apart-- 197 00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:20,978 Yeah, I'll go. 198 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:40,247 - [knocking on door] - [Laurel] Uh, Henry? 199 00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,959 Are you all right? 200 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:45,711 Henry? 201 00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,510 [door knob rattling] 202 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,637 Ah. 203 00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:58,557 I'm making us a Vichyssoise for lunch. 204 00:09:58,557 --> 00:10:01,101 I need a toothbrush, Laurel. 205 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,352 Give me 15 minutes. 206 00:10:02,352 --> 00:10:03,770 I'll drive you into town. 207 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,147 I want to drive myself. 208 00:10:06,064 --> 00:10:08,608 Oh, don't start that again, Henry. 209 00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,694 You lived in Manhattan far too long 210 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,362 to remember how to drive. 211 00:10:12,362 --> 00:10:13,530 We drove upstate last winter. 212 00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,782 I love to drive. 213 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,327 We'll go together. 214 00:10:18,327 --> 00:10:19,745 We'll make it an outing. 215 00:10:19,745 --> 00:10:22,831 I don't want a goddamn outing. 216 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:25,959 I want to drive myself into town 217 00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:27,294 and get it, 218 00:10:27,294 --> 00:10:28,628 alone. 219 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,257 Well, I won't let you. 220 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:35,010 I'm sorry, Henry, it's far too risky. 221 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:36,720 [scoffs softly] 222 00:10:49,608 --> 00:10:51,151 [cell phone vibrating] 223 00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:56,865 Hey. 224 00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,700 [Lily] Hey, I was thinking about you. 225 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,410 I'm where we had our second date. 226 00:11:00,410 --> 00:11:02,371 Do you remember that little cafe on West 4th? 227 00:11:02,371 --> 00:11:04,414 And my realtor, 228 00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:07,334 I swear, he looks just like the guy from The Bachelor. 229 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,795 You had a crush on him, right? 230 00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,088 [Lily] No. 231 00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:13,423 I just thought he was too good for that girl. 232 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:17,135 Well, look, Russell's been gone overnight. 233 00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:19,638 He's probably in some motel somewhere, 234 00:11:19,638 --> 00:11:22,182 blowing all his money on whores and drugs 235 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:23,725 and whatever's in the mini fridge. 236 00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:24,976 Oh, she told you? 237 00:11:24,976 --> 00:11:26,103 Yeah, we spoke. 238 00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,187 Julie and I, 239 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,647 not Russell. 240 00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,357 So what should I do? 241 00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:32,359 It's their marriage. 242 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,820 Just keep your brain out of their headspace. 243 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:36,571 It's full of booby-traps. 244 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,658 Julie just needs to take this time 245 00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:41,785 and figure it out on her own. 246 00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:43,954 - Sorry. - [Hank] You've got to be kidding me. 247 00:11:43,954 --> 00:11:45,872 [Lily] Do you have a different take? 248 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,582 No, I'm passing my dad. 249 00:11:47,582 --> 00:11:49,126 He's walking. I heard what you said. 250 00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,086 I'll stay out of it. That's my forte. 251 00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,171 Oh, Christ, if I pick him up... 252 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,590 I've got to go to work and the hardware store. 253 00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:59,636 Hello? 254 00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:00,762 He hung up on me. 255 00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:02,097 Ah. 256 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,473 Lily-Lil! 257 00:12:03,473 --> 00:12:05,559 Today's the day we find you a new home. 258 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:06,977 The vibes are strong today. 259 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,565 Hey, partner! 260 00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:13,108 Rodeo is back that way. 261 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,651 You need a ride? 262 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,111 Uh, no thanks. 263 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,904 Dad! Dad, it's me! 264 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:18,989 Come on. 265 00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,323 Come on, get in. 266 00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,954 [Hank thinking] He's losing his marbles. 267 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,873 Well, I always hated his marbles, 268 00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,833 so maybe there's something better 269 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,751 rattling around in there now. 270 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:33,170 A couple of nickels? 271 00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,922 Maybe a rare one I could sell? 272 00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,424 You can't take me home. 273 00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,634 Well, I gotta go to work, so... 274 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:40,760 I'll go with you. 275 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:41,845 No, I... 276 00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,390 Does Laurel know where you are? 277 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,559 I gotta get my own car. 278 00:12:48,143 --> 00:12:49,519 She keeps me trapped at home 279 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,438 like I'm in a Stephen King novel. 280 00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,522 Could be worse. 281 00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,608 It could be a Jane Austen novel. 282 00:12:54,608 --> 00:12:55,692 Yuck. 283 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:56,985 All right, buckle up. 284 00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,487 [Paul shouting] Dammit, Leslie! 285 00:12:58,487 --> 00:13:00,489 That is a bald-faced lie! 286 00:13:00,489 --> 00:13:02,407 [Leslie on speakerphone] I'm just the messenger. 287 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:03,909 We would... 288 00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:05,827 [clicking off speakerphone] We would support a strike. 289 00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:07,078 You know we would. 290 00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:08,788 It's the damn French department 291 00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,875 and their stupid French berets! 292 00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:16,963 We are and have, 293 00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,298 until recently, always... 294 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,633 [Hank] Right through here. 295 00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:22,552 What's going on over there? 296 00:13:22,552 --> 00:13:24,221 Rourke's on with the union rep. 297 00:13:24,221 --> 00:13:26,556 Something about the legislature vote coming up. 298 00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:27,849 What did she say? 299 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,684 It's nothing. It's budget cuts. 300 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:30,810 Cuts? What are they cutting? 301 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,229 Uh, right through here. 302 00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:33,605 That wasn't an issue at Columbia. 303 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,441 Yeah, the Columbia endowment was $21 billion. 304 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:39,402 If I needed something, we'd just call the president's girl, 305 00:13:39,402 --> 00:13:40,487 and that was it. 306 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,863 You'd call his daughter? 307 00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,782 Uh, look, this is my father, Henry. 308 00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:45,617 This is my assistant, Rachel. 309 00:13:45,617 --> 00:13:47,077 She'll take care of you. 310 00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:49,287 Listen, if he gets feisty, 311 00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:50,455 just, uh, 312 00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:53,667 just give him some of these student papers to read. 313 00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,293 She looks gifted. 314 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,003 And so it begins. 315 00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:59,798 Young lady, I'd like your help with a couple of things. 316 00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:00,924 [Hank] Cool it. 317 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:03,593 It's okay. What do you need, Mr. Devereaux? 318 00:14:03,593 --> 00:14:06,763 First, I'd like a coffee, light, with two sugars. 319 00:14:07,055 --> 00:14:08,932 Second, I'd like to know 320 00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:10,684 what's on your bedside table. 321 00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:12,310 [Hank] You don't have to answer. 322 00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,812 [laughs awkwardly] Excuse me? 323 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:16,147 What are you reading now? 324 00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:18,567 - Oh. - Okay, he can read them, 325 00:14:18,567 --> 00:14:20,277 but don't let him grade anything. 326 00:14:22,737 --> 00:14:26,366 Our faithful union rep 327 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,118 won't call for a strike. 328 00:14:28,118 --> 00:14:29,369 Why not? 329 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,788 - She's prudent. - She's a pussy. 330 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,999 [Paul] Well, she thinks it will fail 331 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:38,503 because department chairs like Hank here 332 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:40,255 abandoned the union weeks ago. 333 00:14:41,756 --> 00:14:42,757 [exhales] 334 00:14:42,757 --> 00:14:45,176 Remember how our last strike went? 335 00:14:45,176 --> 00:14:47,554 We lost more ground than we gained. 336 00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:50,056 [Paul] So then this time, we do it better. 337 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:54,311 That's all you ever do, is nothing! 338 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,272 Your solution to everything, right? 339 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,065 Don't even try? 340 00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,111 You've screwed us all. 341 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:07,532 Them's the facts. 342 00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,662 [slams door] 343 00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,836 My car lease is up tomorrow. 344 00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,129 Ah, you know what? 345 00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,673 I'm just going to assume the worst and get a Kia. 346 00:15:24,507 --> 00:15:25,550 Where have we landed? 347 00:15:25,550 --> 00:15:27,677 [Teddy] Dickie Pope's a master tactician. 348 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:31,014 Our plan can't be to outsmart him. 349 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,557 Why don't you keep sucking his balls, 350 00:15:32,557 --> 00:15:33,892 and seeing where that gets us? 351 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,811 [Teddy] Look, I'm just pointing out 352 00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:39,898 that he's executing his plan brilliantly. 353 00:15:39,898 --> 00:15:42,692 You know, he hasn't missed a step. 354 00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:45,028 So, realistically, we're going to lose this. 355 00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,237 Aren't we? 356 00:15:47,072 --> 00:15:48,365 Hank? 357 00:15:49,741 --> 00:15:52,285 So, can you at least tell us what you're thinking? 358 00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:54,663 You're not going to like it. 359 00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:56,956 We're grownups. 360 00:16:02,879 --> 00:16:06,341 I've really got to replace the hose on my kitchen sink. 361 00:16:06,341 --> 00:16:07,676 [cell phone vibrating] 362 00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:09,302 [Emma] Jesus. 363 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,055 [sighs] 364 00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,015 Hey, Julie, I'm on my way to class. 365 00:16:14,015 --> 00:16:15,266 I just have a minute. What's up? 366 00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,768 I just went to Russell's pottery class, 367 00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,645 which he never misses, and he wasn't there, 368 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,855 and his teacher said it was weird for him to miss 369 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,315 'cause he was about to do under-glazing, 370 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,858 and he hasn't returned my texts, 371 00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,318 and no one has heard from him, 372 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,861 and I think something's wrong with him. 373 00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,113 This isn't like him. 374 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,073 Right. 375 00:16:30,073 --> 00:16:33,326 Something's definitely happened to him. Do I call the police? 376 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,370 The FBI doesn't get involved unless it's been three days, 377 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,871 I know that from Euphoria. 378 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:38,289 [Hank] Look, 379 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:41,292 what is the most logical explanation here, okay? 380 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:43,837 You told Mom you thought he was having an affair? 381 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,881 Yeah, but that was wrong. Even Mom said so. 382 00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,009 That was about us not connecting because I never see him. 383 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,428 [Hank] Well, why is that? 384 00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,430 Because of that stupid job you made him take. 385 00:16:53,430 --> 00:16:55,223 Can you just tell me what to do? 386 00:16:55,223 --> 00:16:57,016 [clearing throat] 387 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,270 All right, I'm talking about the simplest reason, okay? 388 00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:01,855 Have you ever heard of Occam's Razor? 389 00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,148 Okay? 390 00:17:03,148 --> 00:17:05,525 It means the most obvious explanation 391 00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,026 is very often the truth. 392 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:09,446 That sounds dumb. 393 00:17:09,446 --> 00:17:12,115 It just means that Russell isn't calling you back, 394 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,743 and he's not coming home because he doesn't want to. 395 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:18,288 Now I know why Mom's leaving you. 396 00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:20,331 - I... - [phone beeps] 397 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,587 "...and he sat back in the doctor's armchair, 398 00:17:25,587 --> 00:17:27,881 and the room got smaller, 399 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:30,383 and the air got colder, 400 00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,218 and the chair got less comfortable, 401 00:17:32,761 --> 00:17:34,804 - and the carpet--" - Okay, Lester, that's... 402 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,850 That's interesting, interesting take on 403 00:17:38,850 --> 00:17:41,936 the subject of having an hour left to live, 404 00:17:41,936 --> 00:17:45,064 but I think we left Jen's story a little early. 405 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:48,443 Jen, you said your protagonist was 24? 406 00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:51,362 - Twenty-two, actually. - Okay, whatever. 407 00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:53,907 She needs help, 408 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,742 but she never asks her father for help. 409 00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:56,868 Why is that? 410 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,165 Well, her father's not in the story. 411 00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:05,084 The story's about how she lost her neighbor's dog. 412 00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:08,630 Yes, yes, but as a curious reader, 413 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:10,757 I'm just wondering if the father gave her, 414 00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:14,511 you know, probably true advice on how to find a dog, 415 00:18:14,511 --> 00:18:16,054 or manage one, 416 00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,306 what... what would that look like? 417 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:20,683 Why would she call her dad, though? 418 00:18:20,683 --> 00:18:23,311 I don't think the reader will be thinking about that. 419 00:18:23,311 --> 00:18:25,021 The perceptive reader would. 420 00:18:25,021 --> 00:18:26,105 [Bartow] No. 421 00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,524 No call, 'cause... 422 00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:29,442 Here's what's going to happen. 423 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,027 She'll give her dad a call, 424 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,780 and he's going to give some messed-up fatherly advice, 425 00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,365 and probably get too involved 426 00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:37,325 and take away her agency. 427 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:39,577 No way she's calling her dad. 428 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:41,538 You called your father. 429 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,331 What? 430 00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:47,001 Are we talking about my story? 431 00:18:47,001 --> 00:18:48,586 So, what about my story? 432 00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,755 No, we're still talking about Jen's story, 433 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:52,382 just Jen's story, 434 00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,550 but let's... 435 00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,594 Take away her agency, let me push back on that. 436 00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,972 [sighs] 437 00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,640 She's an adult, so how does he do that? 438 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,808 He can't. 439 00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:05,228 Also, if he doesn't help her, isn't he abandoning her? 440 00:19:05,228 --> 00:19:07,522 [Bartow] No, it still takes away from her story. 441 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,816 Well, it shows that he cares. 442 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:12,986 He could just care in his head 'cause I didn't write him into the story. 443 00:19:13,319 --> 00:19:15,321 [Bartow] If I may, Professor, 444 00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,365 I think what you're trying to say is that... 445 00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,617 Well, and this is also true in my experience, 446 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:22,537 every character carries three characters with them, 447 00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,455 a father, a mother, 448 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,582 a younger sister. 449 00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,333 Yeah! That's right. 450 00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:30,753 But is this kind of character work on people who aren't in the story important? 451 00:19:30,753 --> 00:19:31,963 [Bartow and Hank] It's vital. 452 00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,047 [Hank] Yeah, uh... 453 00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:35,216 [stammers] 454 00:19:35,216 --> 00:19:37,760 Yes, I mean, the father is in her life. 455 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,178 He should be in her story. 456 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:42,056 Yeah, he should help her find the dog. 457 00:19:42,765 --> 00:19:43,850 [exhaling] Okay. 458 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,811 Then, um, 459 00:19:46,811 --> 00:19:48,813 her father died when she was three. 460 00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,189 - Aw, that's... - Okay, yeah, 461 00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,274 no, that's just lazy. 462 00:19:51,274 --> 00:19:52,442 [Hank] Yeah. 463 00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:53,943 [cell phone buzzing] 464 00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,570 What? 465 00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:56,779 Have you seen Russell? 466 00:19:56,779 --> 00:19:58,656 - [Meg] Nope. - Has he been at work? 467 00:19:58,865 --> 00:20:00,116 [Meg] Nope. 468 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,785 Okay, well, if you see him, have him call me, okay? 469 00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,120 Julie is worried about him. 470 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,455 [Meg] Yup. 471 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,291 Is everything okay? 472 00:20:10,293 --> 00:20:12,962 You can't hide forever. 473 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,964 [sighs] I know. 474 00:20:17,258 --> 00:20:20,386 To wit, I have never been more stuck in the muck 475 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:23,473 than on that blistery New York evening, 476 00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,516 and, of course, 477 00:20:25,516 --> 00:20:28,978 my mind went directly to Dickens 478 00:20:28,978 --> 00:20:32,148 and his irrational fear of hansom cabs. 479 00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,274 [others] Ah. 480 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,152 [Henry] Um, where was I? 481 00:20:36,402 --> 00:20:37,862 Uh, fear of cabs. 482 00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:41,950 [Henry] Yes. We know Dickens suffered trauma 483 00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,327 from a train derailment he was in. 484 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:48,331 He wrote a letter in 1865 485 00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:51,751 to an opera singer he met in Paris, 486 00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,629 Madame Pauline Viardot. 487 00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:56,923 Fascinating... 488 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,174 [Hank quietly] You let him out? 489 00:20:58,174 --> 00:21:00,385 - I couldn't just lock-- - What did you do to him? 490 00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:03,471 He hates Dickens. He's written three books on how much he hates Dickens. 491 00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:05,098 Well, I didn't know. 492 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:07,016 [Hank thinking] What is it about fame 493 00:21:07,016 --> 00:21:09,560 that turns people into sycophantic morons? 494 00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,021 I mean, he can barely tie his own shoelaces, 495 00:21:12,021 --> 00:21:14,565 and he's spitting out nonsense from muscle memory here, 496 00:21:14,565 --> 00:21:16,526 and they're riveted, 497 00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,194 like he's Taylor Swift, 498 00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:20,947 and they're, you know, the world. 499 00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,949 Scintillating anecdote. 500 00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:26,035 I wonder if you might perhaps drop by my class 501 00:21:26,035 --> 00:21:28,913 Oh, no, no. No. We've got to leave. 502 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:30,915 - What? He didn't finish his story. - Yeah. 503 00:21:30,915 --> 00:21:32,458 Yes, he did. 504 00:21:32,458 --> 00:21:34,544 A few more minutes. 505 00:21:34,544 --> 00:21:36,587 Okay. I'll see you in 10 years. 506 00:21:36,587 --> 00:21:37,755 [chuckles] 507 00:21:37,755 --> 00:21:39,549 [Hank] Hey... 508 00:21:39,549 --> 00:21:41,467 Your daughter hung up on me. 509 00:21:41,467 --> 00:21:42,635 [Billie] Good for her. 510 00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:45,888 If you're not careful, she's going to turn out like you. 511 00:21:45,888 --> 00:21:47,390 Maybe she's still mad at you. 512 00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:48,975 Mad at me? Why? 513 00:21:48,975 --> 00:21:51,519 Why? Because you fired her. 514 00:21:51,519 --> 00:21:52,603 You lied to her. 515 00:21:52,603 --> 00:21:55,398 You told her that you didn't have any more classes to offer her. 516 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,316 But she doesn't know I lied. 517 00:21:58,026 --> 00:21:59,360 You told her? 518 00:22:00,695 --> 00:22:03,281 Well, she was going to take a gig in Tennessee. 519 00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,450 You know? So, what am I going to do, 520 00:22:05,450 --> 00:22:06,909 see her once a year? 521 00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:08,453 She's the only daughter I like. 522 00:22:08,453 --> 00:22:10,455 What will Thanksgivings be like without Margaret? 523 00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,040 Sitting in some damn diner 524 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,916 listening to my stupid son-in-law 525 00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:15,960 talk about monster truck shows? 526 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:19,547 You handled this perfectly. Nice job. 527 00:22:19,547 --> 00:22:21,049 Okay, the lecture's over. 528 00:22:21,340 --> 00:22:22,884 Seriously. Come on. 529 00:22:22,884 --> 00:22:24,302 You've got to get your coat. 530 00:22:24,302 --> 00:22:25,470 [Emma sighs] 531 00:22:28,639 --> 00:22:31,017 If anyone calls, I've gone fishing. 532 00:22:31,142 --> 00:22:32,518 - Okay. - [telephone rings] 533 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:34,270 - I got it. - English department. 534 00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,274 Uh, okay. 535 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:39,776 Hey, Gracie? 536 00:22:43,738 --> 00:22:45,281 Dean Rose would like to see you. 537 00:22:47,075 --> 00:22:48,868 He wants to see me? 538 00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:51,245 Can't I just... Can I call him? 539 00:22:51,954 --> 00:22:54,499 He said it's a sensitive matter? 540 00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:59,212 Is... Is someone from Human Resources 541 00:22:59,212 --> 00:23:00,379 going to be there? 542 00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:03,091 He didn't say? 543 00:23:04,092 --> 00:23:05,760 Well, this can't be. 544 00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,929 I mean, you... You don't think... 545 00:23:07,929 --> 00:23:10,014 You don't think that this is... 546 00:23:10,264 --> 00:23:12,266 I was just published! 547 00:23:24,779 --> 00:23:25,822 [Paul whistles] 548 00:23:30,743 --> 00:23:32,578 - I'm sorry. - It's all right. I sent for her. 549 00:23:32,578 --> 00:23:35,456 - Gracie, sit-- - I will not sit, and I will not go, 550 00:23:35,456 --> 00:23:37,125 gently or otherwise... 551 00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:38,209 - Gracie-- - ...and if I do, 552 00:23:38,209 --> 00:23:40,211 you can count on it being otherwise. 553 00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:41,420 - Gracie-- - My class enrollments 554 00:23:41,546 --> 00:23:43,965 are the highest in the department. My courses have waitlists. 555 00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:46,050 Sometimes, students wait two or three hours 556 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,760 - to see if they're granted access! - Gracie. 557 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,012 How can you put me on the chopping block? 558 00:23:50,304 --> 00:23:51,681 Oh, this isn't about that. 559 00:23:51,681 --> 00:23:53,724 This... 560 00:23:53,850 --> 00:23:55,852 I did it. 561 00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:57,228 I'm getting a divorce. 562 00:23:58,312 --> 00:23:59,689 It's finally happening. 563 00:23:59,689 --> 00:24:01,232 - You moved out? - Well... 564 00:24:01,232 --> 00:24:03,442 - Oh, my God. - No, this is real. 565 00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,987 I said the words. She took it well. 566 00:24:05,987 --> 00:24:07,196 Too well, to be honest, 567 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:10,116 and she actually thanked me because I brought it up first, 568 00:24:10,116 --> 00:24:12,493 and then she went out with friends. 569 00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:14,620 You're too late. 570 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:15,788 Maybe, 571 00:24:15,788 --> 00:24:18,708 maybe if you had come to me six months ago, but... 572 00:24:19,500 --> 00:24:21,752 I am on the rise. 573 00:24:22,795 --> 00:24:23,880 You had your chance. 574 00:24:26,716 --> 00:24:30,094 "We dipped our palms in chalk 575 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,806 to keep our hands from letting go 576 00:24:33,806 --> 00:24:35,641 and..." 577 00:24:39,478 --> 00:24:41,856 Interesting interpretation. 578 00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:46,611 It's 380 square feet, 579 00:24:46,986 --> 00:24:49,197 - massive walk-in closet. - Mmm-hmm. 580 00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:50,615 Hardwood floors, 581 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:55,077 - and a cute little alcove. - Oh, yeah. 582 00:24:55,077 --> 00:24:56,495 That's nice. 583 00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:59,248 And you're only two blocks away from the A and C subway lines, 584 00:24:59,248 --> 00:25:01,792 which takes you right into Penn Station. 585 00:25:01,792 --> 00:25:04,003 - That's where your school is, yeah? - Yeah. 586 00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,381 And this one's $2,900? 587 00:25:07,381 --> 00:25:08,841 $2,885. 588 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:10,176 Oh. 589 00:25:13,638 --> 00:25:14,680 Hmm? 590 00:25:15,973 --> 00:25:18,059 I don't know. 591 00:25:18,059 --> 00:25:20,144 It's very cute. 592 00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,772 It's a little small. 593 00:25:22,772 --> 00:25:26,150 I'm just thinking if my husband comes to visit, or my daughter, 594 00:25:26,150 --> 00:25:29,028 or what if both of them come at the same time? 595 00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:30,363 [chuckles] 596 00:25:30,363 --> 00:25:32,323 Okay, I'm noticing a pattern here. 597 00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:34,075 Do you see the pattern? 598 00:25:34,075 --> 00:25:35,785 Look, I show you a small place, 599 00:25:35,785 --> 00:25:37,620 you talk about visitors. 600 00:25:37,620 --> 00:25:40,998 - I show you a big place-- - Oh, yeah, I see. [chuckling] 601 00:25:40,998 --> 00:25:42,083 Okay, 602 00:25:42,083 --> 00:25:44,001 here's what we're gonna do. 603 00:25:44,418 --> 00:25:46,629 I only do this for my favorite clients. 604 00:25:46,629 --> 00:25:48,673 - Close your eyes. - Okay. 605 00:25:49,507 --> 00:25:54,095 Now imagine your perfect day. 606 00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:55,179 Okay. 607 00:25:56,264 --> 00:25:58,849 I... I wake up early, 608 00:25:58,849 --> 00:26:00,184 and I go for a run, 609 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:01,978 and then... 610 00:26:01,978 --> 00:26:03,396 I get a cappuccino nearby, 611 00:26:03,396 --> 00:26:05,398 maybe a really good croissant. 612 00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:07,233 Work. 613 00:26:07,858 --> 00:26:09,443 I go to a cafe after 614 00:26:09,443 --> 00:26:11,153 for, like, emails and whatever. 615 00:26:11,529 --> 00:26:12,697 Um... 616 00:26:12,697 --> 00:26:14,365 Meet up with a friend or two 617 00:26:14,365 --> 00:26:16,033 for drinks and dinner, 618 00:26:16,033 --> 00:26:17,451 some place new and fun, 619 00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,121 and then home, 620 00:26:20,121 --> 00:26:21,831 settle in, 621 00:26:21,831 --> 00:26:23,958 watch TV, 622 00:26:23,958 --> 00:26:25,584 or read in bed. 623 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,003 [sighs] 624 00:26:27,003 --> 00:26:29,005 [Eddie] And that's your perfect day? 625 00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:30,089 Yeah, more or less. 626 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:32,383 Okay. 627 00:26:32,383 --> 00:26:34,385 Now, here's what I'm hearing. 628 00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:36,137 No husband, 629 00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:37,722 no kids, 630 00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:39,724 no visitors. 631 00:26:40,725 --> 00:26:42,059 Eh... 632 00:26:42,059 --> 00:26:43,811 Just sayin'. 633 00:26:45,438 --> 00:26:47,356 I think I picked the wrong perfect day. 634 00:26:47,356 --> 00:26:49,483 Come on, he was trying to rent you an apartment. 635 00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:53,779 I feel guilty. 636 00:26:53,779 --> 00:26:56,115 Why? You're here, so you're thinking about here. 637 00:26:56,115 --> 00:26:57,700 I have to go to the bathroom. 638 00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:07,960 Oh, shit. 639 00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:09,545 - My husband. - What? 640 00:27:12,006 --> 00:27:13,591 [woman laughing nervously] 641 00:27:13,716 --> 00:27:14,925 Shit. 642 00:27:17,011 --> 00:27:18,220 Hey! 643 00:27:18,220 --> 00:27:20,806 - What a surprise. - I know, right? 644 00:27:20,806 --> 00:27:23,225 - [laughs awkwardly] - How lucky. 645 00:27:24,352 --> 00:27:28,189 - I had a client nearby. - Ooh. 646 00:27:28,189 --> 00:27:29,565 Did you order yet? 647 00:27:29,565 --> 00:27:32,318 No, uh, just waiting for a menu. 648 00:27:32,318 --> 00:27:34,320 Fantastic. Okay, great. 649 00:27:34,945 --> 00:27:37,990 - It's so good you're here. - Everything okay... at work? 650 00:27:41,452 --> 00:27:44,663 - Not really. - It's a tough day for me, too. 651 00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:45,748 Yeah, looks like it. 652 00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:51,128 Well, I heard you say that it was a good place... 653 00:27:51,128 --> 00:27:52,880 So, uh, Steve and Fiona 654 00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:55,591 invited us up to the Berkshires this weekend. 655 00:27:55,591 --> 00:27:57,802 You know, their house in the Berkshires. 656 00:27:57,802 --> 00:27:59,720 Uh-huh. 657 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:03,015 So I'll just say that we're, you know, too busy to go, or-- 658 00:28:03,182 --> 00:28:05,309 - I mean, how nice is their house? - It's a shithole. 659 00:28:05,309 --> 00:28:06,560 [laughs] 660 00:28:11,315 --> 00:28:12,400 Here we are! 661 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,819 One Italian chopped salad, 662 00:28:14,819 --> 00:28:16,320 and one chicken penne. 663 00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:17,696 That's ours. 664 00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:20,282 - I don't think so-- - That's definitely ours. We ordered it. 665 00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:22,201 - Mmm-hmm. - Yup. 666 00:28:22,201 --> 00:28:23,411 [clears throat] 667 00:28:25,371 --> 00:28:27,123 Thanks. 668 00:28:30,084 --> 00:28:31,752 Looks tasty. 669 00:28:33,129 --> 00:28:35,381 Do you want to share, or-- 670 00:28:36,674 --> 00:28:37,967 Actually, I want a divorce. 671 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:43,431 But, uh... But-but why? 672 00:28:44,932 --> 00:28:47,017 Well, I feel like you're not honest with me, 673 00:28:47,017 --> 00:28:48,352 or with anyone really. 674 00:28:48,352 --> 00:28:49,603 I feel you're... 675 00:28:49,603 --> 00:28:51,605 You're a dishonest person. 676 00:28:51,605 --> 00:28:53,023 Uh, but-but that's not-- 677 00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:55,693 - Why are you doing this? - And your erections are soft. 678 00:28:56,527 --> 00:28:58,070 - Not always. - And you're clingy. 679 00:28:58,070 --> 00:28:59,488 I can't even have lunch on my own 680 00:28:59,488 --> 00:29:01,073 without you having to be all over it. 681 00:29:01,824 --> 00:29:04,660 I thought you liked having lunch with me. 682 00:29:06,787 --> 00:29:08,122 No, you know what? 683 00:29:08,122 --> 00:29:09,290 It's me. 684 00:29:09,290 --> 00:29:11,375 Yep. I'm just not fulfilled. 685 00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:15,838 You want to tell me why? 686 00:29:16,172 --> 00:29:18,966 You really wanna know? 687 00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:23,846 I'm not in the same place as when we met. 688 00:29:23,846 --> 00:29:26,640 I've grown, or... 689 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,518 Or at least I'm trying, 690 00:29:29,935 --> 00:29:31,395 and I feel like you haven't... 691 00:29:33,063 --> 00:29:35,065 Or maybe you're just starting, 692 00:29:35,649 --> 00:29:38,444 but, like, it's a series of, like, 693 00:29:38,444 --> 00:29:39,695 false starts, 694 00:29:39,695 --> 00:29:42,656 and it never... t never really goes anywhere, 695 00:29:42,656 --> 00:29:45,493 and... 696 00:29:45,493 --> 00:29:47,912 And I can't just keep 697 00:29:47,912 --> 00:29:50,289 waiting, 698 00:29:50,289 --> 00:29:51,540 hoping, 699 00:29:51,540 --> 00:29:53,459 for no other reason than to hope 700 00:29:53,459 --> 00:29:55,085 that we're going to... 701 00:29:55,085 --> 00:29:58,005 That we're going to be in sync again, so... 702 00:29:58,506 --> 00:30:01,091 I have made some big decisions, 703 00:30:01,091 --> 00:30:02,760 and I'm starting to see 704 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:05,721 that those decisions don't involve you anymore, 705 00:30:06,055 --> 00:30:08,307 and I'm really sorry, 706 00:30:08,432 --> 00:30:10,768 but they just don't. 707 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:13,729 So, um, 708 00:30:15,022 --> 00:30:17,942 am I going to go, or are you? 709 00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:21,946 - Um... - Oh, Jesus. 710 00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:28,994 [speaks indistinctly] 711 00:30:38,963 --> 00:30:41,131 - There. - Where are we? 712 00:30:41,131 --> 00:30:43,384 Just sit here, okay? 713 00:30:44,009 --> 00:30:46,470 Don't touch anything. Don't talk to anyone, 714 00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:49,181 and if you have to pee, don't. 715 00:30:49,181 --> 00:30:50,307 I'll be right back. 716 00:31:03,028 --> 00:31:04,071 [knocks briskly] 717 00:31:11,537 --> 00:31:12,746 I called the bar. 718 00:31:12,746 --> 00:31:14,832 They told me your shift ended an hour ago. 719 00:31:15,332 --> 00:31:19,211 I know Billie told you what I told her, 720 00:31:19,211 --> 00:31:22,047 I mean, about the classes. 721 00:31:22,047 --> 00:31:23,424 I'm sorry that I did that. 722 00:31:23,424 --> 00:31:24,633 I shouldn't have. 723 00:31:26,719 --> 00:31:28,804 I really don't want to talk about this right now. 724 00:31:28,804 --> 00:31:30,347 Yeah. 725 00:31:30,347 --> 00:31:32,808 Hey, do you think we can get past this? 726 00:31:32,808 --> 00:31:35,311 Because I want you to know why I did it. 727 00:31:35,311 --> 00:31:38,272 - 'Cause I think you're better-- - It's just a bad time, okay? 728 00:31:38,272 --> 00:31:40,065 Yeah. Yeah, all right. 729 00:31:52,202 --> 00:31:53,704 Russell? 730 00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:57,458 [Russell from inside] Yeah? 731 00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:10,763 [sighs] Oh... 732 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:13,724 Julie is worried about you. 733 00:32:13,724 --> 00:32:15,851 - Dad, um-- - Just put your pants on. 734 00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:18,854 I'm going to take you home to your wife. 735 00:32:28,030 --> 00:32:30,366 - So, Gramps-- - No. 736 00:32:34,912 --> 00:32:36,955 - CarMax! - [Hank] What? 737 00:32:36,955 --> 00:32:38,332 CarMax! 738 00:32:38,332 --> 00:32:41,251 - [Hanks] That's obviously not a CarMax-- - It's a car-looking place. 739 00:32:41,251 --> 00:32:43,420 - You know what I'm talking about. - No. Leave it. 740 00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:44,963 - I'm not going in. - Pull over! 741 00:32:44,963 --> 00:32:46,173 No, I don't want-- 742 00:32:46,173 --> 00:32:47,716 - Pull over! - All right, calm down! 743 00:32:47,716 --> 00:32:49,677 - I'm pulling in! - [Russell laughing] 744 00:32:49,677 --> 00:32:50,928 No laughing! 745 00:32:50,928 --> 00:32:52,596 I'm not ready for you to laugh! 746 00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:54,014 What did he do? What'd you do? 747 00:32:54,014 --> 00:32:55,516 He cheated on his wife. 748 00:32:55,516 --> 00:32:57,226 Bah! She'll be fine. 749 00:32:57,226 --> 00:33:00,229 All right, you can look at the cars. 750 00:33:00,229 --> 00:33:02,898 You have as much time as it takes me 751 00:33:02,898 --> 00:33:04,149 to try to pee. 752 00:33:13,200 --> 00:33:14,535 [cell phone buzzing] 753 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,081 What? 754 00:33:19,081 --> 00:33:21,250 [Hank] You'll never believe who I've got in my car. 755 00:33:21,250 --> 00:33:22,668 Is he with you? Is he okay? 756 00:33:22,876 --> 00:33:24,169 Yeah. 757 00:33:24,169 --> 00:33:26,630 He's okay in the way that you mean it. 758 00:33:27,589 --> 00:33:28,674 Where was he? 759 00:33:28,841 --> 00:33:30,175 Well, I'll let him tell you. 760 00:33:30,175 --> 00:33:31,885 I'll have him home in 20 minutes. 761 00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:33,011 Okay. 762 00:33:33,554 --> 00:33:34,722 Thank you. Bye. 763 00:33:39,184 --> 00:33:41,270 You know, you don't know the whole story. 764 00:33:41,395 --> 00:33:44,314 I only know the dirty parts. 765 00:33:44,690 --> 00:33:47,192 It's just it's hard with Julie sometimes. 766 00:33:47,192 --> 00:33:50,779 You don't know how she gets. I get excited about this great idea, 767 00:33:50,779 --> 00:33:54,533 and all she does is tell me all the reasons why it's stupid. 768 00:33:55,325 --> 00:33:57,327 Like, they thought Google was a stupid idea 769 00:33:57,327 --> 00:33:59,163 until it made a million dollars. 770 00:34:01,498 --> 00:34:03,000 I just feel like sometimes... 771 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:04,960 Sometimes, I need somebody in my corner 772 00:34:04,960 --> 00:34:07,004 who doesn't make me feel like a complete loser. 773 00:34:07,171 --> 00:34:09,840 Well, maybe you need to find a different corner. 774 00:34:11,467 --> 00:34:12,968 - What's this? - [knocking on window] 775 00:34:13,218 --> 00:34:16,013 - You're Henry's son, right? - Yeah. 776 00:34:16,013 --> 00:34:17,222 Yeah, well, he's chosen a car, 777 00:34:17,222 --> 00:34:19,391 but, um, he's going to need a co-signer. 778 00:34:19,391 --> 00:34:21,852 Uh, no. He... He can't drive. 779 00:34:21,852 --> 00:34:23,896 and also, the last thing he needs 780 00:34:23,896 --> 00:34:25,731 is my financial backing. 781 00:34:25,731 --> 00:34:27,357 Yeah, well, he needs someone's. 782 00:34:27,357 --> 00:34:29,276 No credit, unpaid credit-card bills, 783 00:34:29,276 --> 00:34:31,069 terrible credit rating, no savings. 784 00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:34,823 This can't be right. 785 00:34:35,574 --> 00:34:37,367 What? 786 00:34:39,495 --> 00:34:41,497 [car horns honking] 787 00:34:43,957 --> 00:34:45,959 And she thinks you're a loser. 788 00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:47,836 [sighs] 789 00:34:50,047 --> 00:34:52,424 - Get in. - [Henry] Okay. 790 00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:54,092 [Hank] You're not buying a car today. 791 00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:55,427 [Henry] Okay, okay. 792 00:34:57,471 --> 00:34:58,680 [line ringing] 793 00:34:58,847 --> 00:35:00,557 [Laurel] Hank, dear. Where are you? 794 00:35:00,557 --> 00:35:01,892 Where is Henry? 795 00:35:01,892 --> 00:35:04,228 All right, I'm about to leave a car dealership 796 00:35:04,228 --> 00:35:05,479 with my esteemed father. 797 00:35:05,479 --> 00:35:08,315 Did you know that he is completely broke? 798 00:35:08,315 --> 00:35:09,566 [Laurel] Of course I knew. 799 00:35:09,566 --> 00:35:11,151 Of course you knew. 800 00:35:11,151 --> 00:35:13,070 All right, I'm putting you on speaker phone 801 00:35:13,070 --> 00:35:15,489 so you and Dad can get your stories straight. 802 00:35:15,489 --> 00:35:18,367 - Go. Give me this. - Your father is a very important man, 803 00:35:18,367 --> 00:35:20,619 the kind of man who gets taken advantage of. 804 00:35:20,619 --> 00:35:22,120 It was Belinda. 805 00:35:22,663 --> 00:35:25,916 [Laurel] It was Melanie. A Joyce scholar. Zero originality. 806 00:35:26,250 --> 00:35:27,292 Let me guess. 807 00:35:27,835 --> 00:35:28,961 You cheated on her, 808 00:35:28,961 --> 00:35:30,546 more than once, 809 00:35:30,546 --> 00:35:33,549 so she got her revenge by stealing all your money? 810 00:35:33,799 --> 00:35:36,635 My money wasn't the only thing she stole. 811 00:35:36,635 --> 00:35:39,680 She plagiarized my theory about Dubliners! 812 00:35:40,097 --> 00:35:41,723 The bitch. 813 00:35:41,723 --> 00:35:44,059 [Laurel] You're being very unfair, Hank. 814 00:35:44,059 --> 00:35:45,477 Your father's in a crisis. 815 00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:46,645 We're his family. 816 00:35:46,645 --> 00:35:48,105 - It's our duty to-- - [Hank] Alright. 817 00:35:48,105 --> 00:35:50,190 My duty is to go see my daughter, 818 00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:51,984 and I'm going to do that right now. 819 00:35:51,984 --> 00:35:53,402 [disconnects call] 820 00:35:53,402 --> 00:35:54,945 Give me that. 821 00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:10,502 Hey, Dad. 822 00:36:10,502 --> 00:36:11,587 Is he in the car? 823 00:36:11,587 --> 00:36:13,589 Honey, can we sit down? 824 00:36:13,589 --> 00:36:14,715 No. Where is he? 825 00:36:16,967 --> 00:36:17,968 He ran away. 826 00:36:19,303 --> 00:36:21,263 Very funny. Can you tell me where he is? 827 00:36:21,597 --> 00:36:22,764 Julie, you were right. 828 00:36:23,724 --> 00:36:25,142 He was cheating on you. 829 00:36:30,898 --> 00:36:32,649 No. 830 00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:34,818 No, he can't, he's not a good enough liar. 831 00:36:37,070 --> 00:36:38,238 You have to understand 832 00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:39,948 that guys like Russell, hon', 833 00:36:39,948 --> 00:36:41,950 they're... They're small. 834 00:36:43,285 --> 00:36:44,411 He's my husband. 835 00:36:44,411 --> 00:36:46,496 I know it's hard to hear, 836 00:36:46,496 --> 00:36:48,540 but I want you to understand, you know, 837 00:36:48,540 --> 00:36:49,791 so you're not wondering. 838 00:36:51,752 --> 00:36:54,671 He doesn't feel respected. 839 00:36:54,671 --> 00:36:56,423 He doesn't feel smart around you-- 840 00:36:56,423 --> 00:36:57,925 Stop. Stop. 841 00:36:57,925 --> 00:36:59,343 You're just making shit up. 842 00:36:59,343 --> 00:37:01,053 - He wasn't cheating on me! - I'm not making... No! 843 00:37:02,304 --> 00:37:03,305 Thank you. 844 00:37:09,102 --> 00:37:10,646 You're an Amazon Prime member? 845 00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:12,773 - That-- - Dad... 846 00:37:12,773 --> 00:37:14,566 - Doesn't that co-- - He wasn't cheating on me! 847 00:37:14,566 --> 00:37:17,736 Look, he's terrified to face you, okay? 848 00:37:17,736 --> 00:37:18,862 He's a little boy. 849 00:37:18,862 --> 00:37:20,572 Can he even grow a beard? 850 00:37:20,572 --> 00:37:21,990 Why are you taking his side? 851 00:37:21,990 --> 00:37:23,492 I'm not taking his side. 852 00:37:23,492 --> 00:37:27,579 I'm just making excuses for him, his excuses. 853 00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:30,207 I didn't say... I'm saying them, but-- 854 00:37:30,624 --> 00:37:33,210 [car horn honking] 855 00:37:33,669 --> 00:37:35,170 You left Grandpa in the car? 856 00:37:35,170 --> 00:37:36,463 He's fine. 857 00:37:36,463 --> 00:37:39,383 He can fiddle with the knobs. It's a wonderland for him. 858 00:37:44,638 --> 00:37:46,348 Where is the fiction section? 859 00:37:46,348 --> 00:37:48,058 Uh, this is not a bookstore. 860 00:37:48,558 --> 00:37:50,852 I saw some paperbacks over there. 861 00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:53,855 Okay, well, that's the fiction section. 862 00:37:53,855 --> 00:37:56,316 We had better libraries at Columbia. 863 00:37:56,316 --> 00:37:57,901 Right, right, 864 00:37:57,901 --> 00:38:01,196 but did Columbia have a plumbing aisle? 865 00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:05,200 Well, where's your assistant, the boy? 866 00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,284 What boy? 867 00:38:06,284 --> 00:38:07,577 The one you were mad at. 868 00:38:07,953 --> 00:38:09,663 That's my daughter's husband, okay? 869 00:38:09,663 --> 00:38:11,206 And he was cheating on her. 870 00:38:11,581 --> 00:38:12,916 That's why you were mad? 871 00:38:12,916 --> 00:38:14,710 Yeah, that's why I was mad. 872 00:38:14,918 --> 00:38:16,920 You're being too hard on him. 873 00:38:17,045 --> 00:38:18,255 Dalliances happen. 874 00:38:18,255 --> 00:38:20,590 - It's part of marriage. - No, it isn't. 875 00:38:20,590 --> 00:38:22,217 It's hurtful and it's wrong. 876 00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:23,677 I've been there, buddy. 877 00:38:23,677 --> 00:38:25,303 Sometimes, it's right. 878 00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,056 There are tears, sure, 879 00:38:28,056 --> 00:38:29,850 but people come out stronger. 880 00:38:29,850 --> 00:38:31,435 No, they don't. 881 00:38:31,435 --> 00:38:32,936 From personal experience, 882 00:38:32,936 --> 00:38:35,272 I can tell you they do. 883 00:38:36,523 --> 00:38:38,400 You can lose yourself in a marriage 884 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:39,693 if you're not careful. 885 00:38:40,485 --> 00:38:41,695 The key is to identify 886 00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:44,281 what will make you, the individual, prosper. 887 00:38:46,241 --> 00:38:48,243 Yeah? And what about your son, huh? 888 00:38:48,243 --> 00:38:51,288 Should you have been there for him? 889 00:38:51,747 --> 00:38:53,999 I was never going to be a father. 890 00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:55,083 That wasn't me. 891 00:38:56,460 --> 00:38:57,836 What was I gonna do? 892 00:38:58,253 --> 00:39:00,422 You can't be in between in life. 893 00:39:00,422 --> 00:39:03,508 You've got put yourself all in. 894 00:39:03,508 --> 00:39:06,470 Make that choice. 895 00:39:06,470 --> 00:39:08,096 So no regrets, huh? 896 00:39:10,599 --> 00:39:12,893 I have regrets, 897 00:39:13,143 --> 00:39:14,394 sure. 898 00:39:20,525 --> 00:39:21,860 Yeah? 899 00:39:26,198 --> 00:39:28,200 Recently, 900 00:39:29,076 --> 00:39:31,078 I've started rereading Dickens. 901 00:39:32,996 --> 00:39:36,374 Oh, much of the work is appalling, of course, maudlin. 902 00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:38,085 Still, 903 00:39:38,085 --> 00:39:39,669 I recognize 904 00:39:39,669 --> 00:39:42,339 I was too hard on him. 905 00:39:44,174 --> 00:39:47,719 I feel almost as if I have sinned against the man. 906 00:40:05,070 --> 00:40:07,614 [Hank thinking] Deprived of the possibility of confrontation, 907 00:40:07,614 --> 00:40:09,199 I turned to revenge. 908 00:40:10,450 --> 00:40:12,160 I realize that the Count of Monte Cristo 909 00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:14,454 was unfulfilled by his revenge, 910 00:40:14,454 --> 00:40:16,081 and ended up pitying his nemesis, 911 00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:18,416 and even helping him. 912 00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:20,627 I hate to call ol' Dante a softie, 913 00:40:20,627 --> 00:40:22,879 but I have to say, 914 00:40:22,879 --> 00:40:24,422 this feels just fine to me. 915 00:40:31,721 --> 00:40:32,806 [knocking on door] 916 00:40:45,318 --> 00:40:46,611 I don't need any more of your help. 917 00:40:49,656 --> 00:40:51,324 I'm not here to help. 918 00:41:03,003 --> 00:41:05,046 [tap water running] 919 00:41:31,907 --> 00:41:35,452 ["While You Stand" by Michael Nau plays] 920 00:41:40,582 --> 00:41:44,044 ♪ I am a mountain ♪ 921 00:41:44,044 --> 00:41:47,797 ♪ High as can be ♪ 922 00:41:47,797 --> 00:41:51,551 ♪ Yes, and I am an ocean While you... ♪ 923 00:41:51,551 --> 00:41:55,555 ♪ While you stand by me ♪ 924 00:41:55,555 --> 00:41:59,476 ♪ Oh, but I am the fool you know ♪ 925 00:41:59,476 --> 00:42:03,271 ♪ Anytime you don't ♪ 926 00:42:03,563 --> 00:42:07,234 ♪ No telling where I'll go ♪ 927 00:42:07,234 --> 00:42:09,861 ♪ Or where I won't ♪ 928 00:42:09,861 --> 00:42:11,112 ♪ Where I won't ♪ 929 00:42:30,465 --> 00:42:32,968 ♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm... ♪ 930 00:42:34,427 --> 00:42:37,597 {\an8}♪ Mmm, mmm, mmm... ♪