1 00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:06,006 ["Valse de l'Empereur" by Johann Strauss playing] 2 00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:37,692 "The President could sense the arrival of his Chief of Staff 3 00:00:37,692 --> 00:00:41,213 from the slight breeze the door makes when opened, 4 00:00:41,213 --> 00:00:43,802 and the President wished he would knock, 5 00:00:43,802 --> 00:00:46,425 and the Chief of Staff thought, 6 00:00:46,425 --> 00:00:49,601 "I'm not the kind of guy who knocks and waits," 7 00:00:49,601 --> 00:00:53,570 and the President thinks, "I wish he would wait," 8 00:00:53,570 --> 00:00:55,814 but the Chief of Staff ignores this... 9 00:00:55,814 --> 00:00:57,091 [Hank thinking] Cheese... 10 00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,542 American and feta. 11 00:00:59,542 --> 00:01:01,233 Tuna. 12 00:01:01,233 --> 00:01:02,855 Vodka for my office. 13 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:04,581 Olives. Dried... 14 00:01:04,581 --> 00:01:05,617 Berries... 15 00:01:09,103 --> 00:01:11,692 Uh, let's stop you there. 16 00:01:11,692 --> 00:01:13,038 Any comments? 17 00:01:13,728 --> 00:01:14,971 I loved it. 18 00:01:15,903 --> 00:01:17,456 [Hank] That's one "I loved it." 19 00:01:17,456 --> 00:01:19,769 How about any constructive criticisms? 20 00:01:21,598 --> 00:01:24,187 Going once, twice... 21 00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:25,361 Moving on. 22 00:01:25,361 --> 00:01:27,052 I mean, you could... You could say something. 23 00:01:28,605 --> 00:01:30,883 I've given you my thoughts before. 24 00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:33,058 Just have a glance at your last story 25 00:01:33,058 --> 00:01:34,611 or the one before that, okay? 26 00:01:34,611 --> 00:01:35,716 Jen, do you want to read? 27 00:01:35,716 --> 00:01:37,062 It might spark some discussion 28 00:01:37,062 --> 00:01:39,478 if you offered something out loud. 29 00:01:40,479 --> 00:01:41,584 I don't think so. 30 00:01:41,584 --> 00:01:43,137 [Bartow] It could. 31 00:01:44,656 --> 00:01:46,209 Mmm-mmm. 32 00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:49,764 Could you, please, just for once, say something? 33 00:01:49,764 --> 00:01:53,320 Workshops like this are based on the idea of peer review. 34 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,631 Guided review. 35 00:01:54,631 --> 00:01:55,943 I'm trying to guide. 36 00:01:56,564 --> 00:01:57,807 Jen? 37 00:01:57,807 --> 00:02:00,292 [Jennifer] Professor, I don't mean to gang up on you, 38 00:02:00,292 --> 00:02:02,812 but you should know, 39 00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:05,332 besides calling our names to read, 40 00:02:05,332 --> 00:02:07,679 you've barely said anything in an hour and a half. 41 00:02:11,303 --> 00:02:13,374 [Hank] Well, I couldn't help but notice 42 00:02:13,374 --> 00:02:16,584 a wandering point of view within, basically, structureless sentences. 43 00:02:16,584 --> 00:02:19,656 No, my point of view doesn't wander. 44 00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:23,522 Well, it switches mid-sentence from the President to the Chief of Staff, 45 00:02:23,522 --> 00:02:24,903 then back, then back-- 46 00:02:24,903 --> 00:02:26,801 Yeah, on purpose. 47 00:02:26,801 --> 00:02:29,459 Well, you risk distancing the reader. 48 00:02:29,459 --> 00:02:32,290 I happen to think that risk is worth the reward. 49 00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:34,878 What's the reward? 50 00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:37,640 [Bartow] Okay, um, the reward is I'm... 51 00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,711 I'm exposing the flow 52 00:02:39,711 --> 00:02:42,541 of different collected consciousness. 53 00:02:43,611 --> 00:02:44,923 You know? 54 00:02:44,923 --> 00:02:46,062 I'm calling it ultra-omniscience. 55 00:02:46,821 --> 00:02:48,789 That's a cool word. 56 00:02:48,789 --> 00:02:51,481 Did anyone else care that the President and Chief of Staff 57 00:02:51,481 --> 00:02:55,796 seem to be responding to each other's thoughts without speaking, 58 00:02:55,796 --> 00:02:57,211 in a way that isn't... 59 00:02:57,901 --> 00:02:59,524 possible? 60 00:02:59,524 --> 00:03:01,698 I mean, I'm just gonna say it again, I loved it, 61 00:03:01,698 --> 00:03:04,045 and you made my shortlist for the Pulitzer. 62 00:03:04,045 --> 00:03:07,187 You don't get to make a short list for someone else's award. 63 00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:09,465 [Bartow] Yeah, look, okay, responding to each other's thoughts, 64 00:03:09,465 --> 00:03:10,707 it's not a mistake. 65 00:03:10,707 --> 00:03:12,226 [Hank] It certainly was. 66 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:14,815 Let's put aside the multiple points of view and the wandering tense 67 00:03:14,815 --> 00:03:17,576 and the conversations that seem to happen via telepathy. 68 00:03:17,576 --> 00:03:19,820 Even put aside the Chief of Staff's necrophilia. 69 00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:21,028 Okay, well, then there's no story. 70 00:03:21,028 --> 00:03:23,479 Do you know what I mean when I say "distance the reader"? 71 00:03:23,479 --> 00:03:25,481 Of course I do, but that's my choice to make, 72 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,552 as it is every writer's, 73 00:03:27,552 --> 00:03:30,693 as it was, um, Chaucer's choice, you know, 74 00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:32,936 whose writing I actually find really distancing. 75 00:03:32,936 --> 00:03:35,732 Yeah, well, less so because he was writing in Middle English, 76 00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:38,839 and it's a tricky thing, comparing yourself to Chaucer. 77 00:03:38,839 --> 00:03:41,428 Yeah, but we don't know that I'm not the next Chaucer. 78 00:03:41,428 --> 00:03:42,532 We do know. 79 00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:44,431 All due respect, you would not know. 80 00:03:44,431 --> 00:03:46,329 All due respect, a cat would know. 81 00:03:47,779 --> 00:03:50,368 Your only novel isn't even available at your own campus bookstore. 82 00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:53,543 You... You're here. 83 00:03:53,543 --> 00:03:55,062 You're here. 84 00:03:55,062 --> 00:03:57,651 The main piece of evidence is that you are here. 85 00:03:57,651 --> 00:04:00,378 The fact that you're here means you didn't try very hard in high school, 86 00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:03,450 or, for whatever reason, you showed very little promise. 87 00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,417 Did that sound harsh? 88 00:04:05,417 --> 00:04:07,695 I'll tell you what. I'll smile through the rest of this. 89 00:04:07,695 --> 00:04:09,214 You are here, 90 00:04:09,214 --> 00:04:11,803 and even if your presence at this middling college 91 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:13,080 in this sad, forgotten town 92 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:14,461 was some bizarre anomaly, 93 00:04:14,461 --> 00:04:16,635 and you do have the promise of genius, 94 00:04:16,635 --> 00:04:18,396 which I'll bet a kidney that you don't, 95 00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:21,882 it will never surface. 96 00:04:21,882 --> 00:04:26,093 I am not a good enough writer or writing teacher 97 00:04:26,093 --> 00:04:27,543 to bring it out of you. 98 00:04:27,543 --> 00:04:29,476 And how do I know that? How? 99 00:04:29,476 --> 00:04:33,273 Because I, too, am here, 100 00:04:34,101 --> 00:04:36,276 at Railton College, 101 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,312 mediocrity's capital. 102 00:04:42,247 --> 00:04:45,940 Well, you wanted me to talk more. 103 00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:47,977 [theme music playing] 104 00:05:17,455 --> 00:05:19,146 [phone buzzing] 105 00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:38,821 [Lily] Who is it? 106 00:05:39,994 --> 00:05:40,995 Work. 107 00:05:41,582 --> 00:05:43,101 [phone buzzes] 108 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:44,240 [Lily] Turn it off. 109 00:05:58,703 --> 00:05:59,876 [phone buzzing] 110 00:06:06,849 --> 00:06:08,022 Hmm. 111 00:06:08,022 --> 00:06:09,748 I put that in the recycling three days ago. 112 00:06:09,748 --> 00:06:11,163 I didn't realize you want to save it. 113 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:12,682 Save it? 114 00:06:12,682 --> 00:06:15,375 Oh, no, there's other articles I want to read in here. 115 00:06:17,584 --> 00:06:19,206 Um... 116 00:06:19,206 --> 00:06:20,759 you were working late last night? 117 00:06:20,759 --> 00:06:23,106 I mean, it isn't really working late 118 00:06:23,106 --> 00:06:24,556 just because it's after you've gone to sleep. 119 00:06:25,454 --> 00:06:26,834 Yeah, well, I'm a college professor, 120 00:06:26,834 --> 00:06:29,699 so working after 4:00 p.m. is late. 121 00:06:30,804 --> 00:06:32,115 Who are you saving now? 122 00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:34,739 There's this boy named Calvin who's been acting out. 123 00:06:34,739 --> 00:06:36,050 Herb thinks he should be expelled, 124 00:06:36,050 --> 00:06:37,500 so, anyway, 125 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,813 we're meeting with his mother and a teacher-- 126 00:06:39,813 --> 00:06:41,090 [phone buzzing] 127 00:06:42,574 --> 00:06:44,404 You are very popular this morning. 128 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,439 [Hank] I am. 129 00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:49,236 Why did you buy so many bananas? 130 00:06:49,236 --> 00:06:50,513 They're going to go bad, you know. 131 00:06:50,513 --> 00:06:52,757 Just to piss you off. 132 00:06:52,757 --> 00:06:54,034 [phone buzzing] 133 00:06:58,521 --> 00:07:00,765 I think you should just keep up with the solitary misery, 134 00:07:00,765 --> 00:07:02,801 and, like, don't change a thing. 135 00:07:04,389 --> 00:07:05,735 Who isn't miserable, huh? 136 00:07:05,735 --> 00:07:08,220 Being an adult is 80% misery. 137 00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,222 No, I think you're at 80. 138 00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:12,052 The rest of us hover around 30 to 40. 139 00:07:12,052 --> 00:07:14,088 Thirty? Nobody is at 30. 140 00:07:14,088 --> 00:07:15,400 I'm at 30. 141 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:18,092 [Hank] Really? Thirty? 142 00:07:18,092 --> 00:07:20,163 Well, then, you're unusually happy. 143 00:07:21,026 --> 00:07:22,269 I don't think that's true. 144 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:30,898 [Hank thinking] I think we've become 145 00:07:30,898 --> 00:07:32,382 a bit obsessed with happiness. 146 00:07:32,382 --> 00:07:33,453 It's a little much. 147 00:07:34,592 --> 00:07:36,939 What happened to just getting through the day? 148 00:07:37,974 --> 00:07:39,459 I wonder what percentage of misery 149 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,253 this dude was at. 150 00:07:41,253 --> 00:07:43,773 It better have been at least 90. 151 00:07:43,773 --> 00:07:45,119 I need a cushion. 152 00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:48,088 If people wanted to be happy so much, 153 00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:50,021 why does all the evidence point to the opposite? 154 00:07:50,021 --> 00:07:51,885 I mean, newspapers, the courts, 155 00:07:51,885 --> 00:07:53,196 social media... 156 00:07:53,196 --> 00:07:55,164 The misery industry, that's huge. 157 00:07:55,164 --> 00:07:56,476 Billions. 158 00:07:58,201 --> 00:08:00,100 The happy industry? [chuckles] 159 00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:04,138 That's, like, one guy, who probably lives in Canada, 160 00:08:04,138 --> 00:08:05,485 breeding unicorns 161 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:08,177 and filming them for porn on the side. 162 00:08:08,177 --> 00:08:10,386 - [students whispering] - [snickers] 163 00:08:13,976 --> 00:08:15,702 Mediocrity's capital? Really? 164 00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:35,135 I decided to face you as a man. 165 00:08:35,722 --> 00:08:37,344 Man to man. 166 00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:40,416 We're one short. 167 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,731 I always wanted to be a writer. 168 00:08:47,216 --> 00:08:50,046 When I was six, I wrote my first story... 169 00:08:50,702 --> 00:08:52,221 about Wall Street. 170 00:08:53,256 --> 00:08:54,810 That tracks. 171 00:08:54,810 --> 00:08:56,190 [Bartow] When I was 12, 172 00:08:56,190 --> 00:08:57,813 I wrote my first novel. 173 00:08:58,952 --> 00:09:00,643 Whenever I get down on myself, I read it. 174 00:09:01,920 --> 00:09:03,439 It helps me remember what I'm meant to do. 175 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,063 And that I can't do anything else. 176 00:09:13,276 --> 00:09:14,519 Bartow? 177 00:09:16,038 --> 00:09:18,350 I don't think you understand how hurtful what you said was. 178 00:09:22,113 --> 00:09:24,218 I was uncareful with my words. 179 00:09:27,463 --> 00:09:29,051 I'm sorry, Bartow. 180 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:34,574 We cool? 181 00:09:36,437 --> 00:09:37,680 Yeah, we cool. 182 00:09:39,406 --> 00:09:40,718 I'm just gonna need that in writing. 183 00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:43,272 [clears throat] What? 184 00:09:43,272 --> 00:09:46,102 [Bartow] Um, your apology, I'm just gonna need that 185 00:09:46,102 --> 00:09:48,104 to be posted to the school newspaper's website. 186 00:09:49,312 --> 00:09:50,486 With a signature. 187 00:09:51,314 --> 00:09:53,972 Uh, an e-signature is fine, too. 188 00:09:56,630 --> 00:09:58,494 Would you accept an e-middle finger? 189 00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:08,538 Dean Rose called for you? 190 00:10:08,538 --> 00:10:09,816 - Okay. - Six times. 191 00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:11,231 Uh-huh. 192 00:10:11,231 --> 00:10:12,612 Should I try him for you? 193 00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,475 Uh, no. 194 00:10:14,475 --> 00:10:15,925 Did you get me yogurt? 195 00:10:15,925 --> 00:10:17,824 It's not your yogurt day. 196 00:10:19,239 --> 00:10:20,585 Yeah. 197 00:10:20,585 --> 00:10:23,450 ["Jumping Strings" by Paolo Andriotti playing] 198 00:10:41,537 --> 00:10:43,677 [Gracie] Damnit, Rourke, don't hide behind humor, 199 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:44,920 as if you could... 200 00:10:44,920 --> 00:10:47,025 [Hank thinking] Why do grown-ups bother arguing? 201 00:10:47,025 --> 00:10:48,130 [Paul] Well, I'm smiling. 202 00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:49,752 I have been working... 203 00:10:49,752 --> 00:10:52,168 [Hank] Haven't we learned what the advertising world figured out long ago, 204 00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:54,274 that, after age 49, 205 00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:56,966 we're not changing our minds about anything? 206 00:10:56,966 --> 00:10:59,003 So, what's in it for people? 207 00:10:59,003 --> 00:11:00,832 A sexual charge? 208 00:11:00,832 --> 00:11:02,731 Actually, that sounds nice. 209 00:11:02,731 --> 00:11:06,355 ...that it only finds oxygen when it's hurting a woman. 210 00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:08,288 It should be painfully clear to you by now, 211 00:11:08,288 --> 00:11:09,807 your time, sir, it's up. 212 00:11:09,807 --> 00:11:11,843 [Emma] Oh, boy, we're doing this. 213 00:11:11,843 --> 00:11:13,811 All right, let's all be careful here. 214 00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:15,295 I'll say anything I want. 215 00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:17,193 I can't be canceled, I have tenure. 216 00:11:17,193 --> 00:11:18,885 [Gracie] You're an ass. 217 00:11:18,885 --> 00:11:20,127 This is because of you 218 00:11:20,127 --> 00:11:21,508 and your childish outburst in class. 219 00:11:21,508 --> 00:11:22,785 [Paul] No, no, no, no, no. 220 00:11:22,785 --> 00:11:24,442 It was inspired by him. 221 00:11:24,442 --> 00:11:26,168 It was my idea. 222 00:11:26,168 --> 00:11:27,687 I want recognition. 223 00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:28,964 [speaking French] 224 00:11:32,105 --> 00:11:33,485 Camus. It means-- 225 00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,832 Did you not get my email? 226 00:11:34,832 --> 00:11:37,041 I got a lot of emails this morning. 227 00:11:37,041 --> 00:11:39,215 I'll bet you did, peckerhead. 228 00:11:39,215 --> 00:11:40,665 - [Gracie] Read your email. - [Hank] Why? 229 00:11:40,665 --> 00:11:42,598 Rourke submitted a new course request 230 00:11:42,598 --> 00:11:45,083 to the school website for public evaluation, 231 00:11:45,083 --> 00:11:48,466 "The Accidental Wisdom of Mediocre Regional Writers". 232 00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:50,054 He put me on the syllabus! 233 00:11:50,054 --> 00:11:51,538 Are you not regional? 234 00:11:53,609 --> 00:11:55,853 Your choice to insult us all, 235 00:11:55,853 --> 00:11:58,234 especially in an open forum, 236 00:11:58,234 --> 00:11:59,684 it's simply incorrect. 237 00:11:59,684 --> 00:12:01,548 We have no shortage of worthy scholars 238 00:12:01,548 --> 00:12:03,343 - and published authors. - [Hank] Name one. 239 00:12:03,343 --> 00:12:04,585 I'll name two, 240 00:12:04,585 --> 00:12:06,346 myself... 241 00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:07,623 and perhaps Billie. 242 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,730 My book of sonnets on Jonathan Swift 243 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,180 has become the benchmark 244 00:12:13,180 --> 00:12:15,838 in early-feminist, 18th-century response poetry. 245 00:12:15,838 --> 00:12:17,737 You are deliberately trying 246 00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,221 to invalidate the last decade of my career. 247 00:12:19,221 --> 00:12:20,394 [Paul] Decade? 248 00:12:20,394 --> 00:12:22,914 That book came out 25 years ago, 249 00:12:22,914 --> 00:12:24,502 and I remember it distinctly, 250 00:12:24,502 --> 00:12:26,607 because the first email I ever got 251 00:12:26,607 --> 00:12:28,920 was a bill mistakenly sent from your self-publisher. 252 00:12:28,920 --> 00:12:31,543 Nobody was brave enough to publish that book. 253 00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,925 - It was ahead of its time. - Maybe you should have waited. 254 00:12:33,925 --> 00:12:35,133 - You-- - Ow! 255 00:12:35,133 --> 00:12:37,342 Oh, shit! Shit. 256 00:12:37,342 --> 00:12:38,758 Let go of the notebook. 257 00:12:39,966 --> 00:12:41,968 But it has original work in it. 258 00:12:41,968 --> 00:12:43,210 Not if it's yours. 259 00:12:43,210 --> 00:12:44,349 - You-- - Ow! 260 00:12:44,349 --> 00:12:46,282 Oh! 261 00:12:46,282 --> 00:12:47,767 - Ew! - [Gracie] Oh, God, I'm sorry. 262 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:48,975 I... 263 00:12:48,975 --> 00:12:51,425 - [groans] - I-I... 264 00:12:51,425 --> 00:12:53,117 I-I didn't-- I didn't mean to. 265 00:12:53,117 --> 00:12:54,187 I... Are you...? 266 00:12:54,187 --> 00:12:55,636 Going to sue? 267 00:12:55,636 --> 00:12:58,708 Yes! I want every penny from the sale of those poems. 268 00:12:58,708 --> 00:13:01,573 You can put all of them in this tiny pocket. 269 00:13:01,573 --> 00:13:04,128 ["Yulele" by Eduardo Mateo playing] 270 00:13:04,128 --> 00:13:06,786 Jill from Jacob Rose's office called again? 271 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,580 Dean Rose would like to see you right away? 272 00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,099 Tell them I have a class. 273 00:13:10,099 --> 00:13:11,652 I said that. 274 00:13:11,652 --> 00:13:13,309 She said right after class? 275 00:13:13,309 --> 00:13:15,277 Oh. Then I have another class. 276 00:13:15,277 --> 00:13:17,072 Then I said that. 277 00:13:17,072 --> 00:13:18,625 Then she said 278 00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,489 that it better not be racquetball with Tony. 279 00:13:21,766 --> 00:13:23,078 And then I said, 280 00:13:23,078 --> 00:13:24,562 "Have you ever been asked to cover for your boss 281 00:13:24,562 --> 00:13:25,666 when he was doing something 282 00:13:25,666 --> 00:13:27,565 he didn't want people to know about?" 283 00:13:27,565 --> 00:13:29,084 Then she got real quiet. 284 00:13:33,157 --> 00:13:34,503 Hey, Daniel. 285 00:13:34,503 --> 00:13:37,092 I hope you brought enough vape pens for everyone. 286 00:13:37,092 --> 00:13:38,334 [rapid footsteps approaching] 287 00:13:38,334 --> 00:13:39,991 - Did you just run? - [chuckles] 288 00:13:39,991 --> 00:13:42,856 [exhales] Are you ready to handle this Calvin situation? 289 00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:45,790 You shouldn't be so excited about expelling a kid. 290 00:13:48,551 --> 00:13:50,760 [Michelle] He disrupts my class, he throws things-- 291 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,314 Don't talk about how disruptive my son is 292 00:13:52,314 --> 00:13:54,212 when it's your job to control your class. 293 00:13:54,212 --> 00:13:56,905 No. It's my job to teach, 294 00:13:56,905 --> 00:14:00,391 and I can't do my job if I'm spending 80% of my energy trying to control her kid-- 295 00:14:00,391 --> 00:14:02,669 Do you know that most chocolate has vegetable oil in it? 296 00:14:02,669 --> 00:14:03,981 Or even animal fat? 297 00:14:04,705 --> 00:14:06,362 Lily, please. 298 00:14:06,362 --> 00:14:08,019 Look, we're here to talk about Calvin and what to do 299 00:14:08,019 --> 00:14:09,434 at this important juncture in his life, 300 00:14:09,434 --> 00:14:11,643 but first, just hear me out. 301 00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:13,991 France regulates chocolate. 302 00:14:13,991 --> 00:14:16,648 They don't allow anything but pure cocoa liquor, 303 00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:19,237 which is what gives chocolate its rich, delicious flavor. 304 00:14:19,237 --> 00:14:21,170 France, by law, 305 00:14:21,170 --> 00:14:23,828 says that there must be at least 40%, 306 00:14:23,828 --> 00:14:24,967 but that's not nearly good enough 307 00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:26,382 for La Maison du Chocolat. 308 00:14:27,625 --> 00:14:30,559 This was flown in from France last week, 309 00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:31,871 and I'd like to share some of it with you. 310 00:14:38,049 --> 00:14:39,395 But before you eat it, 311 00:14:39,395 --> 00:14:42,191 I want you to, um, feel it in your hand. 312 00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:44,711 Just, like, feel the weight of it. 313 00:14:45,850 --> 00:14:47,369 And then, place it on your tongue, 314 00:14:47,369 --> 00:14:48,611 and keep it there. 315 00:14:50,959 --> 00:14:52,201 Let it melt in your mouth. 316 00:14:53,375 --> 00:14:55,342 It's amazing, right? 317 00:14:55,342 --> 00:14:56,861 Michelle, you're an excellent teacher. 318 00:14:56,861 --> 00:14:58,690 And you are clearly a loving and caring mother. 319 00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:01,659 Look, you want Calvin expelled from school, 320 00:15:01,659 --> 00:15:03,799 that's not feasible, 321 00:15:03,799 --> 00:15:06,940 but he doesn't have to take biology this year. 322 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,010 He could make it up in summer school. 323 00:15:10,081 --> 00:15:11,772 I feel a little manipulated by this delicious chocolate. 324 00:15:11,772 --> 00:15:13,222 Yeah, I feel the same. 325 00:15:14,396 --> 00:15:15,604 There's common ground. 326 00:15:18,779 --> 00:15:21,230 [students chattering indistinctly] 327 00:15:22,266 --> 00:15:23,681 I liked what you said. 328 00:15:23,681 --> 00:15:24,854 This place sucks. 329 00:15:24,854 --> 00:15:26,442 It should be shut down. 330 00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:34,036 Hey, Jill. 331 00:15:34,036 --> 00:15:35,727 He said he'd like you to read this, 332 00:15:35,727 --> 00:15:36,832 and then go right in. 333 00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:41,595 [Hank] Mmm. Polite note. 334 00:15:41,595 --> 00:15:44,253 May I keep this for my collection of memorabilia 335 00:15:44,253 --> 00:15:46,600 of times when people were being polite to me, 336 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,499 only to be setting a trap of some sort? 337 00:15:48,499 --> 00:15:50,432 [Jill] I don't think it matters. 338 00:15:50,432 --> 00:15:51,743 Well, nothing matters. 339 00:15:51,743 --> 00:15:53,435 That can't be our standard. 340 00:15:53,435 --> 00:15:55,644 It tells me a lot that you drove all this way. 341 00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:57,818 I appreciate that. You take it seriously. 342 00:15:57,818 --> 00:15:59,165 Because, guess what? 343 00:15:59,165 --> 00:16:00,511 I take it seriously, and we should take it seriously. 344 00:16:00,511 --> 00:16:02,789 Are we upset? You betcha. 345 00:16:02,789 --> 00:16:06,103 But what you have to understand is that Hank is going through 346 00:16:06,103 --> 00:16:09,140 a rough patch with his diverticulitis. 347 00:16:09,140 --> 00:16:12,661 Infected and inflamed pouches bulging from his colon. 348 00:16:12,661 --> 00:16:15,595 Complete bowel Armageddon. 349 00:16:15,595 --> 00:16:17,977 Is it an excuse? No, of course not. 350 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,323 Of course it isn't. 351 00:16:19,323 --> 00:16:21,601 He may not take that out on your son, 352 00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:23,637 and everyone agrees with that, 353 00:16:23,637 --> 00:16:24,707 especially Hank. 354 00:16:27,124 --> 00:16:28,953 So we're on the same page. 355 00:16:30,127 --> 00:16:32,094 Bowel Armageddon? Really? 356 00:16:32,094 --> 00:16:34,165 Hank, this article, this is bad. 357 00:16:34,165 --> 00:16:35,822 I'm sure they twisted my words. 358 00:16:37,686 --> 00:16:38,790 Oh. 359 00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,861 No, that's pretty much verbatim. 360 00:16:42,691 --> 00:16:45,797 Well, they were ganging up on me. They don't mention that. 361 00:16:45,797 --> 00:16:47,661 Every phone call I've had today? 362 00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:49,870 Board members demanding that I kick your butt off campus. 363 00:16:49,870 --> 00:16:51,148 Maybe you explain to them 364 00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:53,046 just how powerless your position really is? 365 00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:55,221 - I think they'll understand. - I wish I could. 366 00:16:55,221 --> 00:16:56,532 It would make my life a whole lot easier. 367 00:16:56,532 --> 00:16:58,638 Well, I think it's a good thing. 368 00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:00,019 I put it out there. 369 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,159 Maybe Railton can become a beacon, 370 00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:05,196 a refuge now for really, really lazy students. 371 00:17:05,196 --> 00:17:08,061 Just apologize to the kid and his parents, 372 00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:09,545 make this go away. I don't need this today. 373 00:17:09,545 --> 00:17:11,202 No, I am not apologizing. 374 00:17:11,202 --> 00:17:13,722 I mean, unless you name a building after me... 375 00:17:13,722 --> 00:17:15,172 - And not a dorm. - [phone rings] 376 00:17:15,172 --> 00:17:17,967 I don't want any of these idiots sleeping in my building. 377 00:17:17,967 --> 00:17:19,072 [Jill] Jacob? 378 00:17:19,072 --> 00:17:20,660 The President's on. 379 00:17:20,660 --> 00:17:22,834 - You tell him I'm not sorry. - Hank! 380 00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:25,147 This is not about you and your little situation. 381 00:17:25,147 --> 00:17:27,046 I'll take it in the conference room. 382 00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,219 Please tell the William-Stevenses 383 00:17:28,219 --> 00:17:29,358 that I'll be back momentarily. 384 00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:38,022 Did Gracie really deserve all that teasing? 385 00:17:38,022 --> 00:17:39,403 [Hank] "Deserve". 386 00:17:39,403 --> 00:17:41,888 You don't still believe in "deserve", do you? 387 00:17:41,888 --> 00:17:43,096 It's an unfair world, 388 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:45,374 I'm not going to even things up with a few kind acts. 389 00:17:46,962 --> 00:17:49,378 You know... 390 00:17:49,378 --> 00:17:52,001 tenure doesn't mean you can't get smacked in the face. 391 00:17:52,001 --> 00:17:55,212 No, it just means I can never, ever be fired. 392 00:17:55,212 --> 00:17:56,696 It doesn't mean that, either. 393 00:17:56,696 --> 00:17:58,180 It kinda feels like it. 394 00:17:59,388 --> 00:18:01,356 So you're trying to get fired with no hope of success? 395 00:18:01,356 --> 00:18:03,047 You think I'm trying to get fired? 396 00:18:03,047 --> 00:18:06,085 - Did you apologize to the kid? - For what? 397 00:18:06,602 --> 00:18:08,880 [chuckles] 398 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:10,710 You don't think this has anything to do with that article 399 00:18:10,710 --> 00:18:12,712 you're pretending not to carry around? 400 00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:14,714 I'm not carrying anything around. 401 00:18:14,714 --> 00:18:16,888 - No? So if I just-- - No, no! 402 00:18:17,958 --> 00:18:19,270 It might be there. 403 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,478 I don't know. 404 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,136 My father retires. 405 00:18:24,517 --> 00:18:25,656 It's a major thing. 406 00:18:25,656 --> 00:18:27,658 Big enough for the biggest newspaper in the country 407 00:18:27,658 --> 00:18:29,556 to put it on the cover of the arts section. 408 00:18:29,556 --> 00:18:30,661 Good for him. 409 00:18:32,421 --> 00:18:33,836 Also, I find out about it 410 00:18:33,836 --> 00:18:36,080 from the cover of the arts section. 411 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,047 Good for me. 412 00:18:38,047 --> 00:18:40,395 - And this makes you feel... - Nothing. 413 00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,260 And that outburst in class? 414 00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:44,778 Was unrelated. 415 00:18:45,641 --> 00:18:46,953 In fact, it felt good. 416 00:18:46,953 --> 00:18:48,748 I told the truth. 417 00:18:48,748 --> 00:18:50,267 I think I inspired myself. 418 00:18:50,267 --> 00:18:52,407 To tell the truth more? 419 00:18:52,407 --> 00:18:53,408 That's not good. 420 00:18:54,754 --> 00:18:56,169 To work on my novel. 421 00:18:56,169 --> 00:18:58,344 Oh, great! 422 00:18:58,344 --> 00:19:00,346 Well, I love it when you start your second novel. 423 00:19:00,346 --> 00:19:03,452 It's usually a wonderful time in our marriage. 424 00:19:05,592 --> 00:19:06,593 How was your day? 425 00:19:10,010 --> 00:19:11,460 [Lily] Julie's coming over. 426 00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:13,117 I don't know why. 427 00:19:13,117 --> 00:19:14,705 ["Jumping Strings" by Paolo Andriotti playing] 428 00:19:14,705 --> 00:19:15,982 [Hank thinking] I know why. 429 00:19:15,982 --> 00:19:17,811 It's these damn kids. 430 00:19:17,811 --> 00:19:20,435 They don't hate their parents, 431 00:19:20,435 --> 00:19:22,161 at least not enough 432 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,370 to never ask them for anything again. 433 00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:26,061 Yeah, I got it. 434 00:19:27,407 --> 00:19:28,512 The trouble is, 435 00:19:28,512 --> 00:19:30,652 my generation of parents, 436 00:19:30,652 --> 00:19:34,552 we can't let our kids feel any pain in any way. 437 00:19:34,552 --> 00:19:36,934 It's a sick cycle, 438 00:19:36,934 --> 00:19:38,522 but to stop, 439 00:19:38,522 --> 00:19:41,352 that would take courage and conviction. 440 00:19:41,352 --> 00:19:43,630 No. No way. It's your turn. 441 00:19:43,630 --> 00:19:46,702 I can't ask my mother for money twice in six months. I can't do that. 442 00:19:46,702 --> 00:19:48,773 Why not? She just became a general manager. 443 00:19:48,773 --> 00:19:50,361 Yeah, of a Circle K! 444 00:19:50,361 --> 00:19:52,225 - It's not fair! - Fine! 445 00:19:54,779 --> 00:19:56,919 I know my dad. He's gonna hold this against me. 446 00:19:56,919 --> 00:19:59,232 Well, your mom's the one who handles all the finances, right? 447 00:19:59,232 --> 00:20:01,648 He's probably not even going to notice that she lent us the money. 448 00:20:02,442 --> 00:20:03,547 That's true. 449 00:20:03,547 --> 00:20:05,065 He doesn't notice anything. 450 00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,863 When she gave me our Cancun money, 451 00:20:09,863 --> 00:20:11,175 she said if I borrowed money again, 452 00:20:11,175 --> 00:20:13,867 she'd make me sit down and learn Quicken. 453 00:20:13,867 --> 00:20:15,179 Which isn't me, you know? 454 00:20:15,179 --> 00:20:16,870 I know... 455 00:20:16,870 --> 00:20:18,217 I know. 456 00:20:19,183 --> 00:20:20,391 It's gotta be my dad. 457 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,090 It's about respect. 458 00:20:30,090 --> 00:20:32,852 Gracie, why does this stuff still bother you? 459 00:20:32,852 --> 00:20:34,267 You know who he is. 460 00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:37,615 Why something is wrong isn't relevant to making it right. 461 00:20:38,927 --> 00:20:40,204 I can't do anything about it. 462 00:20:40,204 --> 00:20:41,343 [Gracie] Of course not. 463 00:20:41,343 --> 00:20:42,689 Hank's chair of the department. 464 00:20:42,689 --> 00:20:44,726 Course review falls under his purview. 465 00:20:44,726 --> 00:20:47,107 As long as he's chair, 466 00:20:47,107 --> 00:20:49,282 there can't be any serious action 467 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,008 taken against him or anyone else. 468 00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:52,458 "As long as he's chair"? 469 00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:53,735 Seriously? 470 00:20:53,735 --> 00:20:55,219 Hank's your problem, too. 471 00:20:56,945 --> 00:20:59,637 I mean, there is a person there. 472 00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,542 - There was a time you couldn't resist me. - [phone rings in distance] 473 00:21:10,993 --> 00:21:12,271 No one could. 474 00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:16,309 Excuse the interruption. 475 00:21:16,309 --> 00:21:18,069 The president's office said to let you know 476 00:21:18,069 --> 00:21:19,933 that he explained the urgency of the situation 477 00:21:19,933 --> 00:21:21,107 to the board chair, 478 00:21:21,107 --> 00:21:22,902 and the trustees will convene next week. 479 00:21:23,868 --> 00:21:25,284 When you find out when it is, 480 00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,044 please clear that day. 481 00:21:27,044 --> 00:21:28,252 [Jill] Will do. 482 00:21:32,498 --> 00:21:35,673 This isn't about hitting Hank with the notebook? 483 00:21:35,673 --> 00:21:39,194 Because he... He walked into it a bit. 484 00:21:39,194 --> 00:21:42,335 One day, I'm going to meet an English professor 485 00:21:42,335 --> 00:21:43,647 who understands that the world 486 00:21:43,647 --> 00:21:46,305 is full of lots of people and ideas... 487 00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,134 You could just say yes or no. 488 00:21:48,134 --> 00:21:49,446 There's no need to be insulting. 489 00:21:50,964 --> 00:21:52,587 Is it about Rourke's new course? 490 00:21:52,587 --> 00:21:53,967 [Dean Rose] Oh, my God. 491 00:21:57,005 --> 00:21:58,317 [Gracie] I'm telling you guys, 492 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,249 this is the best thing for our department. 493 00:22:00,249 --> 00:22:02,424 Gracie, this is very serious, 494 00:22:02,424 --> 00:22:04,012 and I have to say, 495 00:22:04,012 --> 00:22:06,946 we don't feel comfortable plotting behind Hank's back. 496 00:22:06,946 --> 00:22:08,430 This is a good idea. 497 00:22:08,430 --> 00:22:09,880 Okay. Let's see what we can get. 498 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,987 [Gracie] This isn't something we should take lightly, 499 00:22:13,987 --> 00:22:16,507 and it is the best thing for the students, too. 500 00:22:16,507 --> 00:22:18,026 Gosh, Gracie, 501 00:22:18,026 --> 00:22:20,684 it seems like a lot of risk for not a lot of reward. 502 00:22:20,684 --> 00:22:24,170 Okay, if you support Hank's de-chairing, 503 00:22:24,170 --> 00:22:26,345 I'll switch places with you on the sabbatical waitlist. 504 00:22:29,486 --> 00:22:31,902 [train whistle blowing] 505 00:22:32,592 --> 00:22:35,077 [phone buzzing] 506 00:22:38,874 --> 00:22:40,255 Hank, your phone. 507 00:22:45,087 --> 00:22:47,124 [clears throat] Yeah? 508 00:22:47,124 --> 00:22:48,953 [Billie] Hello, Spanky. 509 00:22:48,953 --> 00:22:50,161 Billie. 510 00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:51,577 How drunk are you? 511 00:22:51,577 --> 00:22:54,269 Plenty, but it's none of your damn business, you son of a bitch. 512 00:22:54,269 --> 00:22:57,824 Hey, did you write that recommendation for my daughter? 513 00:22:57,824 --> 00:23:00,862 - I will. - You will not. 514 00:23:00,862 --> 00:23:03,382 I don't want Meg living this damn life 515 00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,107 in this damn town. 516 00:23:07,109 --> 00:23:09,422 Ugh. What do you know about raising a kid? 517 00:23:09,422 --> 00:23:10,837 You didn't even have a dad. 518 00:23:11,459 --> 00:23:12,770 I did. 519 00:23:12,770 --> 00:23:14,876 You were in diapers when that shithead left. 520 00:23:14,876 --> 00:23:16,533 I was 14. 521 00:23:16,533 --> 00:23:18,949 You didn't even send your daughter to college. 522 00:23:18,949 --> 00:23:20,329 What the hell is her name? 523 00:23:20,329 --> 00:23:22,711 I'd prefer you didn't bring up my daughter. 524 00:23:27,751 --> 00:23:29,097 Billie? 525 00:23:29,097 --> 00:23:31,237 You there? 526 00:23:31,237 --> 00:23:33,584 How come you always let me talk to you like this? 527 00:23:37,623 --> 00:23:40,557 Look, just don't write the recommendation, 528 00:23:40,557 --> 00:23:43,422 even though who knows what it's gonna be worth after tomorrow. 529 00:23:44,768 --> 00:23:45,907 Tomorrow? 530 00:23:45,907 --> 00:23:47,218 What happens tomorrow? 531 00:23:48,565 --> 00:23:50,152 So you're gonna be de-chaired? 532 00:23:51,464 --> 00:23:52,638 And then what does that mean? 533 00:23:52,638 --> 00:23:54,087 [Hank] De-chaired. 534 00:23:54,087 --> 00:23:57,090 I think it's an outpatient procedure these days. 535 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:01,129 Well, if I'm no longer chair, 536 00:24:01,129 --> 00:24:03,787 it's easier to fire me, 537 00:24:03,787 --> 00:24:07,169 and if I get fired, 538 00:24:07,169 --> 00:24:09,758 that's the end of my academic career. 539 00:24:11,657 --> 00:24:12,899 [chuckles softly] 540 00:24:15,315 --> 00:24:16,351 You're smiling. 541 00:24:17,939 --> 00:24:19,147 Am I? 542 00:24:21,943 --> 00:24:23,807 Is that, um, opportunity 543 00:24:23,807 --> 00:24:28,121 for you to be assistant head of school at Arlyle still possible? 544 00:24:29,157 --> 00:24:30,261 Seriously? 545 00:24:32,919 --> 00:24:34,300 Um... 546 00:24:36,302 --> 00:24:38,684 I mean, that was months ago, so I don't... 547 00:24:38,684 --> 00:24:39,961 I don't know. 548 00:24:39,961 --> 00:24:41,307 I mean... 549 00:24:41,307 --> 00:24:42,584 Yeah, I could ask. 550 00:24:44,931 --> 00:24:46,312 New York. 551 00:24:46,312 --> 00:24:48,279 [chuckles] God. 552 00:24:49,039 --> 00:24:50,489 Could it finally be time? 553 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:55,217 MoMA, instead of Roger's Art. 554 00:24:56,736 --> 00:24:59,014 Peter Luger's instead of Outback. 555 00:24:59,014 --> 00:25:00,533 Mmm... 556 00:25:02,328 --> 00:25:04,123 I mean, we'd be a little close to your father. 557 00:25:05,262 --> 00:25:07,160 [Hank] It's a city of eight million people. 558 00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,853 I think I can avoid him. 559 00:25:09,853 --> 00:25:11,958 I don't know. 560 00:25:11,958 --> 00:25:14,064 We saw Catherine Keener twice. 561 00:25:18,482 --> 00:25:19,725 Do you know you make a move 562 00:25:19,725 --> 00:25:22,382 every time I say "Catherine Keener"? 563 00:25:22,382 --> 00:25:24,868 Keep saying it, see what it gets you. 564 00:25:24,868 --> 00:25:26,352 [Lily chuckles] 565 00:25:37,397 --> 00:25:39,399 - [phone buzzing] - Yes? 566 00:25:39,399 --> 00:25:41,988 [woman] Hi. Am I speaking with Professor Devereaux Jr.? 567 00:25:41,988 --> 00:25:43,472 Just Professor Devereaux. 568 00:25:43,472 --> 00:25:44,991 I've never had any confusion. 569 00:25:44,991 --> 00:25:47,028 Yes. Hello, Professor Devereaux. 570 00:25:47,028 --> 00:25:49,030 This is Marnie Cole from your father's office. 571 00:25:52,274 --> 00:25:55,105 Um, I hate to bother you like this, but... 572 00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:57,176 Uh, yeah? 573 00:25:57,176 --> 00:25:58,695 Stephanie asked me to call 574 00:25:58,695 --> 00:26:00,420 and let you know that she has left your father. 575 00:26:00,420 --> 00:26:02,043 Stephanie? Is that the maid? 576 00:26:02,043 --> 00:26:03,596 She's his wife. 577 00:26:03,596 --> 00:26:07,427 Uh, okay, well, I guess he'll have to get a third wife. 578 00:26:07,427 --> 00:26:09,050 Well, that was his third wife. 579 00:26:09,050 --> 00:26:11,121 Well, I wish her well then. 580 00:26:11,121 --> 00:26:14,434 So, it's not an ideal time for him to be alone. 581 00:26:14,434 --> 00:26:16,609 I think maybe he could use some help. 582 00:26:16,609 --> 00:26:18,715 Marnie, um, I'm sorry. 583 00:26:18,715 --> 00:26:20,337 In the future, 584 00:26:20,337 --> 00:26:22,235 could you leave messages like this 585 00:26:22,235 --> 00:26:24,134 with my assistant in my office, okay? 586 00:26:24,134 --> 00:26:25,687 'Cause this is my personal cell. 587 00:26:25,687 --> 00:26:28,448 This is only for friends and work and family 588 00:26:28,448 --> 00:26:30,105 and marketing calls. 589 00:26:30,105 --> 00:26:31,762 Okay? You have that other number? 590 00:26:31,762 --> 00:26:34,385 I do, but he is your family. 591 00:26:34,385 --> 00:26:36,077 Well, then he can call me. 592 00:26:36,077 --> 00:26:38,079 That would be the first time in 15 years. 593 00:26:41,496 --> 00:26:43,878 I'm submitting an alternate budget. 594 00:26:43,878 --> 00:26:46,812 Good. The first one was so boring. 595 00:26:51,092 --> 00:26:53,266 Could you run the freshman requirements 596 00:26:53,266 --> 00:26:58,306 and service a major with five professors, or... 597 00:26:58,306 --> 00:27:00,653 Or four professors and add a few more adjuncts? 598 00:27:01,930 --> 00:27:03,794 I need an answer or I'm just gonna guess. 599 00:27:03,794 --> 00:27:05,106 Oh... 600 00:27:05,106 --> 00:27:07,004 this is fun. 601 00:27:07,004 --> 00:27:09,835 I like that we do this every year. 602 00:27:09,835 --> 00:27:12,182 You know, we could skip the stage where you threaten cuts 603 00:27:12,182 --> 00:27:14,494 and jump right to the part where you give me my full budget. 604 00:27:14,494 --> 00:27:17,636 I've got a fantasy pickleball league that's heating up. 605 00:27:17,636 --> 00:27:19,120 I don't have time for this. 606 00:27:20,915 --> 00:27:22,330 What? 607 00:27:24,539 --> 00:27:26,575 Jacob, what is it? 608 00:27:26,575 --> 00:27:28,094 [Dean Rose] You may have noticed 609 00:27:28,094 --> 00:27:31,304 that half the schools in the country are broke. 610 00:27:31,304 --> 00:27:33,479 I noticed they're going out to dinner less often. 611 00:27:33,479 --> 00:27:35,792 Well, think about 612 00:27:35,792 --> 00:27:38,553 what you can pull off with three fewer professors. 613 00:27:42,626 --> 00:27:44,973 If I'm still chair in an hour, I'll do that. 614 00:27:50,738 --> 00:27:52,947 Uh, first of all, 615 00:27:52,947 --> 00:27:54,431 I'd like to, um... 616 00:27:54,431 --> 00:27:55,604 I'd like to point out that, 617 00:27:55,604 --> 00:27:57,296 although I am completely agnostic 618 00:27:57,296 --> 00:27:59,194 as to the outcome of the vote that's about to take place... 619 00:27:59,194 --> 00:28:00,540 Paul, can you join us? 620 00:28:00,540 --> 00:28:02,819 - Yeah. - Thank you. Thank you. 621 00:28:02,819 --> 00:28:05,891 Um, I was asked by Dean Rose-- 622 00:28:05,891 --> 00:28:07,547 [scoffs] Yeah, right. 623 00:28:07,547 --> 00:28:09,791 ...to call this meeting and motion for a vote. 624 00:28:15,245 --> 00:28:18,213 I heard that there was a vote to remove me as chair. 625 00:28:18,213 --> 00:28:20,353 I just... I didn't want to miss it. 626 00:28:20,353 --> 00:28:21,838 Jesus, Billie. 627 00:28:21,838 --> 00:28:23,529 Oh, what's the goddamned difference? 628 00:28:31,019 --> 00:28:33,988 So, um, Professor Wheemer has agreed 629 00:28:33,988 --> 00:28:35,196 to run the proceedings. 630 00:28:35,196 --> 00:28:36,507 I didn't really. 631 00:28:36,507 --> 00:28:37,888 [Billie] Weiner? 632 00:28:37,888 --> 00:28:39,062 She's not a professor. 633 00:28:39,062 --> 00:28:40,477 She shows movies. 634 00:28:40,477 --> 00:28:41,754 How is that teaching? 635 00:28:41,754 --> 00:28:43,100 She's a projectionist. 636 00:28:43,100 --> 00:28:45,206 [Emma] Okay, it's "Wheemer" with an "M", 637 00:28:45,206 --> 00:28:47,933 and I don't want to be running these proceedings. 638 00:28:47,933 --> 00:28:49,037 I shouldn't. 639 00:28:49,037 --> 00:28:50,383 It's not fair. 640 00:28:50,383 --> 00:28:51,695 People around the world 641 00:28:51,695 --> 00:28:53,283 don't have access to free speech, 642 00:28:53,283 --> 00:28:55,216 and I should just feel free 643 00:28:55,216 --> 00:28:58,184 to go on about calls and recounts and whatnot? 644 00:28:58,184 --> 00:28:59,703 It's obscene. 645 00:28:59,703 --> 00:29:01,256 Okay, thanks, we got it. Go, now. 646 00:29:04,328 --> 00:29:05,882 Okay, we're here for a no-confidence vote 647 00:29:05,882 --> 00:29:07,746 for the chair of the department, 648 00:29:07,746 --> 00:29:09,264 for certain events 649 00:29:09,264 --> 00:29:10,749 that have transpired over the past few days, 650 00:29:10,749 --> 00:29:15,132 and how he's conducted himself in regards to those events. 651 00:29:16,755 --> 00:29:18,101 Would the accused 652 00:29:18,101 --> 00:29:19,585 like to say anything in his defense before the vote? 653 00:29:19,585 --> 00:29:21,207 The accused? 654 00:29:21,207 --> 00:29:22,415 It was a good flick. 655 00:29:22,415 --> 00:29:24,452 Jodie Foster. She won an Oscar for that film. 656 00:29:24,452 --> 00:29:26,247 We watch it in my gender-analysis film class. 657 00:29:26,247 --> 00:29:28,456 New Bedford Chamber of Commerce hated that movie. 658 00:29:28,456 --> 00:29:29,595 It killed the Moby Dick tours. 659 00:29:29,595 --> 00:29:30,734 Okay, can we please-- 660 00:29:30,734 --> 00:29:34,324 Yes, the accused would like to make a statement. 661 00:29:37,568 --> 00:29:39,605 The kid that I yelled at... 662 00:29:39,605 --> 00:29:41,124 Okay... 663 00:29:41,124 --> 00:29:42,953 he killed my governess. 664 00:29:42,953 --> 00:29:44,127 This is many years ago, 665 00:29:44,127 --> 00:29:47,302 and I vowed revenge, and now I have it, 666 00:29:47,302 --> 00:29:50,927 and it feels empty in the way that novels predict. 667 00:29:58,831 --> 00:30:01,834 The question at hand is a simple aye or nay. 668 00:30:01,834 --> 00:30:04,975 Should Hank be removed from the chair? 669 00:30:04,975 --> 00:30:06,080 "Aye" means "yes". 670 00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,840 Can you just say yes? 671 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,566 [Emma] Short answer, yes with caveats. 672 00:30:09,566 --> 00:30:11,154 It requires a vote. 673 00:30:11,154 --> 00:30:12,258 You can make that motion, 674 00:30:12,258 --> 00:30:14,088 but not until a call for new business. 675 00:30:14,088 --> 00:30:15,952 And I assume you can get it seconded. 676 00:30:15,952 --> 00:30:18,989 I second the motion that "aye" means "yes". 677 00:30:18,989 --> 00:30:21,302 Well, there hasn't been a call for new business. 678 00:30:21,302 --> 00:30:22,648 I literally just explained that. 679 00:30:22,648 --> 00:30:24,029 Jesus Christ, guys. 680 00:30:24,029 --> 00:30:25,513 "Aye" it is! 681 00:30:25,513 --> 00:30:26,928 So an aye for an aye then? 682 00:30:26,928 --> 00:30:28,033 [laughs] 683 00:30:35,316 --> 00:30:36,317 [Hank thinking] The firing squad. 684 00:30:37,732 --> 00:30:40,493 They never sent one person, it's a squad. 685 00:30:40,493 --> 00:30:43,669 The group effort makes it more of a bonding event, 686 00:30:43,669 --> 00:30:47,500 like lions ripping apart a scared gazelle. 687 00:30:48,536 --> 00:30:50,158 A pride. 688 00:30:50,158 --> 00:30:51,194 Good times. 689 00:30:52,367 --> 00:30:53,782 Okay, that's one aye, 690 00:30:53,782 --> 00:30:55,336 a nay, 691 00:30:55,336 --> 00:30:57,269 another aye... 692 00:30:57,269 --> 00:30:59,029 another aye, 693 00:30:59,029 --> 00:31:01,342 and that's it. 694 00:31:02,999 --> 00:31:04,863 That's three ayes, a nay, and the rest abstain. 695 00:31:05,933 --> 00:31:07,313 Well, the ayes have it. 696 00:31:08,452 --> 00:31:10,420 Hank is officially removed as the chair. 697 00:31:13,112 --> 00:31:14,389 [June] Wait. 698 00:31:14,389 --> 00:31:16,219 Who is the next chair? 699 00:31:19,705 --> 00:31:21,534 [Gracie] Why... 700 00:31:21,534 --> 00:31:24,848 So why don't we take some time to discuss, 701 00:31:24,848 --> 00:31:27,886 and meet again tomorrow, same time? 702 00:31:29,542 --> 00:31:32,580 ["Love Is Like The Sea" by Peter Neri playing] 703 00:31:34,651 --> 00:31:37,205 [students chattering indistinctly] 704 00:31:39,311 --> 00:31:43,384 ♪ Love is like the sea ♪ 705 00:31:43,384 --> 00:31:48,596 ♪ It carries you back Where you came from ♪ 706 00:31:48,596 --> 00:31:51,840 ♪ Love is like the cloud ♪ 707 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:56,742 ♪ Fading away But it comes again ♪ 708 00:32:14,104 --> 00:32:16,727 [Hank] I guess I finally sunk my own battleship. 709 00:32:16,727 --> 00:32:20,041 That's the first time I made the whole department happy. 710 00:32:20,041 --> 00:32:22,250 [Lily] Well, I wouldn't beat yourself up too hard. 711 00:32:22,250 --> 00:32:23,286 [Hank] Done. 712 00:32:24,149 --> 00:32:26,220 Because... 713 00:32:26,220 --> 00:32:28,049 I called Tom Leska, 714 00:32:28,049 --> 00:32:31,742 and they have not filled the position at Arlyle. 715 00:32:31,742 --> 00:32:33,330 He didn't exactly offer me the job, 716 00:32:33,330 --> 00:32:35,677 but he sure seemed to imply that I have a shot. 717 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:37,990 Whoa. 718 00:32:37,990 --> 00:32:39,233 Yeah, I know. 719 00:32:45,825 --> 00:32:48,414 It's just logistics... 720 00:32:48,414 --> 00:32:50,347 I mean, our... 721 00:32:50,347 --> 00:32:51,555 Our daughter's here, 722 00:32:51,555 --> 00:32:53,281 and my mom. 723 00:32:53,281 --> 00:32:54,662 There's a few things that we need... 724 00:32:54,662 --> 00:32:56,836 We need to talk through, we need to work out. 725 00:32:56,836 --> 00:32:58,493 Don't. Don't. Don't do that. 726 00:32:58,493 --> 00:32:59,978 Don't do that. 727 00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:07,157 Actually, it's my fault. 728 00:33:09,884 --> 00:33:11,610 [Hank] Where are you going? 729 00:33:11,610 --> 00:33:12,818 I'm going for a run. 730 00:33:12,818 --> 00:33:14,302 What? It's 11:00 p.m. 731 00:33:14,302 --> 00:33:15,579 You already ran today. 732 00:33:15,579 --> 00:33:16,649 There's raccoons out there! 733 00:33:16,649 --> 00:33:17,788 Did you just make a joke? 734 00:33:17,788 --> 00:33:19,100 Uh-uh. 735 00:33:24,864 --> 00:33:26,314 I forgot 736 00:33:26,314 --> 00:33:28,385 that you aren't capable of leaving this town 737 00:33:28,385 --> 00:33:32,148 for reasons that will only be fully understood 738 00:33:32,148 --> 00:33:33,839 by your future therapist. 739 00:33:34,909 --> 00:33:37,153 I learned it years ago, I just forgot it. 740 00:33:37,153 --> 00:33:38,395 So shame on me. 741 00:33:49,717 --> 00:33:51,374 [Julie] Good morning. 742 00:33:51,374 --> 00:33:52,409 Hey. 743 00:33:54,618 --> 00:33:56,551 - Um, I made coffee. - Uh... 744 00:33:57,897 --> 00:33:59,761 Thanks. 745 00:33:59,761 --> 00:34:03,006 You came over here early in the morning to make me coffee? 746 00:34:03,006 --> 00:34:04,559 I just wanted to have breakfast with you guys. 747 00:34:06,216 --> 00:34:07,562 I was also going to tell you, 748 00:34:07,562 --> 00:34:11,428 um, I saw Stacey Rose at the supermarket yesterday. 749 00:34:11,428 --> 00:34:13,327 I don't know if Dean Rose mentioned that to you? 750 00:34:14,121 --> 00:34:15,536 [Hank] He didn't. 751 00:34:15,536 --> 00:34:16,916 [Julie] Well, she says hi. 752 00:34:16,916 --> 00:34:18,539 She wants everyone to come over for dinner some time. 753 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,093 The whole gang. 754 00:34:25,546 --> 00:34:27,410 Do you want to play Bananagrams? 755 00:34:27,410 --> 00:34:28,721 Do you remember when we used to do this before school? 756 00:34:30,585 --> 00:34:31,621 Yeah, sure. 757 00:34:41,769 --> 00:34:43,702 Oh, um... 758 00:34:43,702 --> 00:34:44,875 I was also going to tell you, 759 00:34:44,875 --> 00:34:46,118 Russell actually has 760 00:34:46,118 --> 00:34:47,671 a pretty interesting opportunity. 761 00:34:47,671 --> 00:34:49,225 Oh? 762 00:34:49,225 --> 00:34:51,951 Yeah, yeah, it's pretty exciting stuff, 763 00:34:51,951 --> 00:34:53,263 and it's really next level, 764 00:34:53,263 --> 00:34:54,851 and he can get in on the ground floor. 765 00:34:54,851 --> 00:34:56,370 Ground floor, that sounds... 766 00:34:56,370 --> 00:34:58,406 That sounds a little low for next level. 767 00:34:58,406 --> 00:34:59,752 Are you sure he's got the right entrance? 768 00:35:00,753 --> 00:35:02,721 That is hilarious. 769 00:35:02,721 --> 00:35:04,205 Um... 770 00:35:04,205 --> 00:35:05,448 Yeah, no, 771 00:35:05,448 --> 00:35:06,621 it would just require him 772 00:35:06,621 --> 00:35:08,727 not getting a paycheck for a while, is the thing. 773 00:35:08,727 --> 00:35:10,625 - Darn it. - Yeah. 774 00:35:10,625 --> 00:35:11,971 So we're just figuring out 775 00:35:11,971 --> 00:35:14,319 how to get from here to there in the meantime. 776 00:35:16,355 --> 00:35:18,426 You know what? I think I could help. 777 00:35:21,636 --> 00:35:22,879 Really? 778 00:35:22,879 --> 00:35:24,605 Yeah. I mean, my thought is 779 00:35:24,605 --> 00:35:27,125 what if Russell were to take a less interesting job, 780 00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:28,402 but one that paid right away? 781 00:35:28,402 --> 00:35:29,506 Dad! 782 00:35:29,506 --> 00:35:30,956 See, I'm doing the math, 783 00:35:30,956 --> 00:35:32,509 and I think that actually, that works great. 784 00:35:32,509 --> 00:35:34,511 - You're not doing the math, you're being an asshole. - Now is not a good time, 785 00:35:34,511 --> 00:35:36,444 - because I have to save for retirement. - It's never a good time! 786 00:35:36,444 --> 00:35:37,514 I owe that to you, 787 00:35:37,514 --> 00:35:39,275 otherwise I become your dependent 788 00:35:39,275 --> 00:35:41,104 - and live in your home. - I wouldn't even ask you what it was for. 789 00:35:41,104 --> 00:35:43,865 "Michael experienced 4:00 a.m. differently as an adult. 790 00:35:43,865 --> 00:35:46,109 The alarm clock used to mean hockey practice and friends, 791 00:35:46,109 --> 00:35:47,835 and now it means cows 792 00:35:47,835 --> 00:35:49,147 and the start of another shift on the ranch--" 793 00:35:49,147 --> 00:35:50,596 Okay, let's talk. 794 00:35:50,596 --> 00:35:53,323 You mean us, or-- 795 00:35:53,323 --> 00:35:55,808 Yeah, what do we all think of this letter from Bartow? 796 00:35:57,396 --> 00:35:58,639 Are you asking us? 797 00:35:58,639 --> 00:36:01,262 'Cause I think he made some pretty good points. 798 00:36:02,332 --> 00:36:03,954 Okay, name one. 799 00:36:03,954 --> 00:36:08,787 That we deserve a teacher who believes in us. 800 00:36:10,306 --> 00:36:11,652 That does sound nice. 801 00:36:11,652 --> 00:36:13,654 I mean, it's all in the letter, Professor. 802 00:36:15,311 --> 00:36:17,140 "I, Bartow Williams-Stevens, 803 00:36:17,140 --> 00:36:19,177 am compelled to write this open letter 804 00:36:19,177 --> 00:36:22,145 because you have humiliated me and I feel terrible." 805 00:36:22,145 --> 00:36:25,044 Okay, you don't have to say you feel terrible. 806 00:36:25,044 --> 00:36:27,530 That's a natural result of being humiliated, 807 00:36:27,530 --> 00:36:28,807 so, repetitive. 808 00:36:29,946 --> 00:36:33,467 "I believe we deserve teachers who believe in us." 809 00:36:33,467 --> 00:36:35,158 That's a lot of believing. 810 00:36:35,158 --> 00:36:38,092 Overuse of a word diminishes its power. 811 00:36:41,992 --> 00:36:43,373 Well, it's terribly written, 812 00:36:43,373 --> 00:36:46,997 which is too bad because he makes some good points. 813 00:36:49,724 --> 00:36:51,381 [knocking on door] 814 00:36:53,072 --> 00:36:55,005 Calvin just broke a window in the east hallway. 815 00:36:55,005 --> 00:36:56,075 What? 816 00:36:56,075 --> 00:36:58,319 I told you. I said it. 817 00:36:58,319 --> 00:37:00,528 I said the kid needed to be expelled, 818 00:37:00,528 --> 00:37:02,220 and then you charmed us. 819 00:37:03,048 --> 00:37:04,601 The situation didn't need pacifying, 820 00:37:04,601 --> 00:37:06,534 it needed a hard action. 821 00:37:06,534 --> 00:37:07,604 You solved nothing. 822 00:37:16,544 --> 00:37:17,580 [Hank] Can we make this quick 823 00:37:17,580 --> 00:37:19,892 because I lose my court in 15 minutes? 824 00:37:21,618 --> 00:37:24,103 "Hell is empty and all the devils are here." 825 00:37:24,103 --> 00:37:25,415 [Emma] Okay. 826 00:37:25,415 --> 00:37:27,175 Rules are a simple plurality wins. 827 00:37:27,175 --> 00:37:29,695 You may vote for anyone, including yourself. 828 00:37:29,695 --> 00:37:31,870 Once the votes are filled out and collected, 829 00:37:31,870 --> 00:37:33,181 there is no adjustment of the vote. 830 00:37:33,181 --> 00:37:34,942 It's final. 831 00:37:34,942 --> 00:37:37,289 Write along the line with words, 832 00:37:37,289 --> 00:37:39,291 no doodles, Paul, 833 00:37:39,291 --> 00:37:41,086 and fold it one time. 834 00:37:41,086 --> 00:37:42,225 No quarter folds. 835 00:37:43,675 --> 00:37:44,779 Okay, does everyone understand? 836 00:37:46,816 --> 00:37:48,852 Goddamnit, I need to hear a plurality of voices. 837 00:37:48,852 --> 00:37:49,957 [all] Aye. 838 00:37:49,957 --> 00:37:51,614 Hey! Look, you did it! All right, go ahead. 839 00:38:07,526 --> 00:38:08,631 All right. 840 00:38:08,631 --> 00:38:09,804 And here we go. 841 00:38:11,944 --> 00:38:13,014 One vote for June. 842 00:38:14,602 --> 00:38:15,810 One vote for Teddy. 843 00:38:15,810 --> 00:38:17,571 You voted for yourself? 844 00:38:17,571 --> 00:38:19,331 We agreed last night that-- 845 00:38:19,331 --> 00:38:21,333 Yes, we agreed to vote for me. 846 00:38:21,333 --> 00:38:22,921 Why would we agree to vote for you? 847 00:38:22,921 --> 00:38:24,163 - That makes no sense. - There are complications. 848 00:38:24,163 --> 00:38:25,613 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 849 00:38:25,613 --> 00:38:28,098 Can you do your evil scheming in your underground lair 850 00:38:28,098 --> 00:38:29,721 and not at work? 851 00:38:29,721 --> 00:38:30,860 One vote for me? 852 00:38:36,037 --> 00:38:39,006 One vote for "Hank. Ha ha, damn you all to hell." 853 00:38:39,006 --> 00:38:40,352 Damn you all to hell. 854 00:38:40,352 --> 00:38:42,458 One vote for a new iPad. 855 00:38:42,458 --> 00:38:45,081 These go to Santa eventually, right? 856 00:38:45,081 --> 00:38:46,600 One vote for Rourke. 857 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,292 Ooh! Don't mind if I do. 858 00:38:49,292 --> 00:38:50,328 [Emma] Yikes. 859 00:38:51,881 --> 00:38:53,331 And another vote for Hank. 860 00:38:57,645 --> 00:38:58,715 [Paul] Hank? 861 00:38:58,715 --> 00:39:00,510 Wait, what the hell just happened? 862 00:39:00,510 --> 00:39:01,994 I... 863 00:39:01,994 --> 00:39:05,377 I thought that I was throwing away my vote, 864 00:39:05,377 --> 00:39:08,725 um, as a form of abstaining, 865 00:39:08,725 --> 00:39:10,140 which, as you know 866 00:39:10,140 --> 00:39:11,659 from my essay, "The Art of Abstention"-- 867 00:39:11,659 --> 00:39:13,178 And that's it. 868 00:39:13,178 --> 00:39:14,628 [Teddy] Wait, what? 869 00:39:15,767 --> 00:39:19,391 Yeah, the only person with more than one vote is... 870 00:39:19,805 --> 00:39:20,979 Hank. 871 00:39:25,570 --> 00:39:26,881 Hank's our new chair. 872 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,644 [Emma] A fresh term of three years begins... 873 00:39:30,644 --> 00:39:32,300 now. 874 00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:33,336 Sorry. 875 00:39:35,683 --> 00:39:39,100 ["Free Love Sequence" by Danielle Luppi playing] 876 00:39:47,074 --> 00:39:49,041 - My point. - What? 877 00:39:49,041 --> 00:39:51,665 - Meniscus Rules. - But you could've got that! 878 00:39:51,665 --> 00:39:52,838 Not without taking a step. 879 00:39:52,838 --> 00:39:54,840 You could have tilted like a teapot. 880 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:58,568 You're stepping now. 881 00:39:58,568 --> 00:40:01,260 To serve! It's different. 882 00:40:01,260 --> 00:40:02,710 Just once, I'd like to play fair. 883 00:40:09,752 --> 00:40:10,960 My point. 884 00:40:13,445 --> 00:40:14,584 I'm wondering 885 00:40:14,584 --> 00:40:17,035 if it's the forbidden nature of all the sexual politics 886 00:40:17,035 --> 00:40:19,520 that's making the sex better. 887 00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:22,178 There's more at risk. 888 00:40:22,178 --> 00:40:24,456 Maybe the sex is... 889 00:40:24,456 --> 00:40:27,079 exactly the same... 890 00:40:27,079 --> 00:40:28,391 and you're losing touch with your partner 891 00:40:28,391 --> 00:40:30,048 as a human being 892 00:40:30,048 --> 00:40:33,741 due to your advanced age and growing callousness. 893 00:40:33,741 --> 00:40:34,915 Yeah, I thought of that, 894 00:40:34,915 --> 00:40:36,468 but multiple women have told me 895 00:40:36,468 --> 00:40:38,574 I'm becoming a better fornicator. 896 00:40:38,574 --> 00:40:40,783 Multiple women. 897 00:40:40,783 --> 00:40:41,991 And there's nothing in it for them. 898 00:40:41,991 --> 00:40:43,130 They didn't have to say that. 899 00:40:48,169 --> 00:40:50,827 Why can't racquetball be most of the day, 900 00:40:50,827 --> 00:40:52,829 and then everything else is just one hour? 901 00:40:55,522 --> 00:40:57,247 Picture your perfect life. 902 00:40:57,247 --> 00:40:59,111 Put it on a tableau for me. 903 00:40:59,111 --> 00:41:00,492 Paint it on that wall. 904 00:41:01,355 --> 00:41:02,460 What do you see? 905 00:41:11,814 --> 00:41:14,092 I can't improve on that white wall. 906 00:41:14,092 --> 00:41:16,439 It's... 907 00:41:16,439 --> 00:41:18,130 It's... It's soothing. 908 00:41:25,344 --> 00:41:27,761 I'm scared that... 909 00:41:27,761 --> 00:41:29,176 my father's retirement 910 00:41:29,176 --> 00:41:32,144 is going to upset this very delicate balance that we've achieved. 911 00:41:34,112 --> 00:41:35,665 He left and we don't speak. 912 00:41:37,805 --> 00:41:40,187 I think I'm feeling regret. 913 00:41:40,187 --> 00:41:44,467 All these years, I haven't fully appreciated all that I didn't have. 914 00:41:50,335 --> 00:41:51,888 Multiple women. 915 00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:03,555 - Hey, guess what? - I'm running. 916 00:42:20,710 --> 00:42:22,125 They made me chair again. 917 00:42:22,125 --> 00:42:23,368 Three more years. 918 00:42:23,368 --> 00:42:24,990 ["I Started A Joke" by the Bee Gees playing] 919 00:42:24,990 --> 00:42:27,441 ♪ I started a joke ♪ 920 00:42:27,441 --> 00:42:31,100 ♪ Which started The whole world crying... ♪ 921 00:42:33,033 --> 00:42:34,172 I'll see you at home. 922 00:42:34,172 --> 00:42:36,346 ♪ But I didn't see ♪ 923 00:42:40,350 --> 00:42:43,250 ♪ That the joke was on me ♪