1
00:00:34,869 --> 00:00:37,663
"The President could sense
the arrival of his Chief of Staff
2
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:41,208
from the slight breeze
the door makes when opened,
3
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,711
and the President
wished he would knock,
4
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,297
and the Chief of Staff thought,
5
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:49,467
"I'm not the kind of guy
who knocks and waits,"
6
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:53,429
and the President thinks,
"I wish he would wait,"
7
00:00:53,429 --> 00:00:55,765
but the Chief of Staff ignores this...
8
00:00:55,765 --> 00:00:56,891
Cheese...
9
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:59,351
American and feta.
10
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,020
Tuna.
11
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:02,521
Vodka for my office.
12
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,565
Olives. Dried...
13
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:05,649
Berries...
14
00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:11,489
Uh, let's stop you there.
15
00:01:11,489 --> 00:01:12,865
Any comments?
16
00:01:13,866 --> 00:01:15,117
I loved it.
17
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,453
That's one "I loved it."
18
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,830
How about
any constructive criticisms?
19
00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:24,043
Going once, twice...
20
00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,211
Moving on.
21
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:27,296
I mean, you could...
You could say something.
22
00:01:28,506 --> 00:01:31,008
I've given you my thoughts before.
23
00:01:31,008 --> 00:01:33,010
Just have a glance at your last story
24
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:34,553
or the one before that, okay?
25
00:01:34,553 --> 00:01:35,679
Jen, do you want to read?
26
00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:37,014
It might spark some discussion
27
00:01:37,014 --> 00:01:39,517
if you offered something out loud.
28
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I don't think so.
29
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,145
It could.
30
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:46,190
Mmm-mmm.
31
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:49,068
Could you, please, just for once,
say something?
32
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:52,863
Workshops like this are based
on the idea of peer review.
33
00:01:52,863 --> 00:01:54,615
Guided review.
34
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:55,991
I'm trying to guide.
35
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,618
Jen?
36
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,120
Professor,
I don't mean to gang up on you,
37
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,665
but you should know,
38
00:02:02,665 --> 00:02:05,042
besides calling our names to read,
39
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,586
you've barely said anything
in an hour and a half.
40
00:02:11,173 --> 00:02:12,633
Well, I couldn't help but notice
41
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:16,387
a wandering point of view within,
basically, structureless sentences.
42
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:19,306
No, my point of view doesn't wander.
43
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:23,352
Well, it switches mid-sentence
from the President to the Chief of Staff,
44
00:02:23,352 --> 00:02:24,728
then back, then back--
45
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,605
Yeah, on purpose.
46
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:28,774
Well, you risk distancing the reader.
47
00:02:29,358 --> 00:02:32,194
I happen to think that risk
is worth the reward.
48
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,238
What's the reward?
49
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:37,491
Okay, um, the reward is I'm...
50
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,535
I'm exposing the flow
51
00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:42,454
of different collected consciousness.
52
00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:44,707
You know?
53
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:45,958
I'm calling it ultra-omniscience.
54
00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,002
That's a cool word.
55
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:51,297
Did anyone else care
that the President and Chief of Staff
56
00:02:51,297 --> 00:02:55,634
seem to be responding
to each other's thoughts without speaking,
57
00:02:55,634 --> 00:02:57,136
in a way that isn't
58
00:02:57,803 --> 00:02:59,096
possible?
59
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,515
I mean, I'm just gonna
say it again, I loved it,
60
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:03,851
and you made my shortlist
for the Pulitzer.
61
00:03:03,851 --> 00:03:06,979
You don't get to make a short list
for someone else's award.
62
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:09,273
Yeah, look,
okay, responding to each other's thoughts,
63
00:03:09,273 --> 00:03:11,483
- it's not a mistake.
- It certainly was.
64
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:14,445
Let's put aside the multiple
points of view and the wandering tense
65
00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:17,406
and the conversations
that seem to happen via telepathy.
66
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:19,617
Even put aside
the Chief of Staff's necrophilia.
67
00:03:19,617 --> 00:03:20,784
Okay, well, then there's no story.
68
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,287
Do you know what
I mean when I say "distance the reader"?
69
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:26,040
Of course I do,
but that's my choice to make,
70
00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:27,374
as it is every writer's,
71
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,502
as it was, um, Chaucer's choice, you know,
72
00:03:30,502 --> 00:03:32,755
whose writing
I actually find really distancing.
73
00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:35,549
Yeah, well, less so
because he was writing in Middle English,
74
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:38,636
and it's a tricky thing,
comparing yourself to Chaucer.
75
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:41,263
Yeah, but we don't know
that I'm not the next Chaucer.
76
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,348
We do know.
77
00:03:42,348 --> 00:03:44,266
All due respect, you would not know.
78
00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:46,226
All due respect, a cat would know.
79
00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:50,272
Your only novel isn't even available
at your own campus bookstore.
80
00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:53,400
You... You're here.
81
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,860
You're here.
82
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,446
The main piece of evidence
is that you are here.
83
00:03:57,446 --> 00:04:00,199
The fact that you're here means
you didn't try very hard in high school,
84
00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:03,369
or, for whatever reason,
you showed very little promise.
85
00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:05,204
Did that sound harsh?
86
00:04:05,204 --> 00:04:07,539
I'll tell you what.
I'll smile through the rest of this.
87
00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:08,999
You are here,
88
00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:11,627
and even if your presence
at this middling college
89
00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,920
in this sad, forgotten town
90
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,296
was some bizarre anomaly,
91
00:04:14,296 --> 00:04:16,465
and you do have the promise of genius,
92
00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,300
which I'll bet a kidney that you don't,
93
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,803
it will never surface.
94
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:25,891
I am not a good enough writer
or writing teacher
95
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,351
to bring it out of you.
96
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:29,311
And how do I know that? How?
97
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:33,148
Because I, too, am here,
98
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:36,110
at Railton College,
99
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:38,237
mediocrity's capital.
100
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:45,786
Well, you wanted me to talk more.
101
00:05:37,713 --> 00:05:38,714
Who is it?
102
00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:40,883
Work.
103
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:44,136
Turn it off.
104
00:06:06,742 --> 00:06:07,826
Hmm.
105
00:06:07,826 --> 00:06:09,578
I put that in the recycling
three days ago.
106
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:10,996
I didn't realize you want to save it.
107
00:06:10,996 --> 00:06:12,498
Save it?
108
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:15,250
Oh, no, there's other articles
I want to read in here.
109
00:06:17,461 --> 00:06:19,004
Um,
110
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,589
{\an8}you were working late last night?
111
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,925
{\an8}I mean, it isn't really working late
112
00:06:22,925 --> 00:06:24,468
just because it's after
you've gone to sleep.
113
00:06:25,344 --> 00:06:26,637
Yeah, well, I'm a college professor,
114
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:29,598
{\an8}so working after 4:00 p.m. is late.
115
00:06:30,682 --> 00:06:31,934
Who are you saving now?
116
00:06:31,934 --> 00:06:34,561
{\an8}There's this boy named Calvin
who's been acting out.
117
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,854
{\an8}Herb thinks he should be expelled,
118
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,314
{\an8}so, anyway,
119
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,650
we're meeting with his mother
and a teacher--
120
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:44,238
You are very popular this morning.
121
00:06:44,238 --> 00:06:45,364
I am.
122
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:49,076
{\an8}Why did you buy so many bananas?
123
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:50,327
They're going to go bad, you know.
124
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:52,579
Just to piss you off.
125
00:06:58,377 --> 00:07:00,587
I think you should just keep up
with the solitary misery,
126
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,714
{\an8}and, like, don't change a thing.
127
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:05,551
Who isn't miserable, huh?
128
00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:08,053
Being an adult is 80% misery.
129
00:07:08,053 --> 00:07:10,013
No, I think you're at 80.
130
00:07:10,013 --> 00:07:12,266
The rest of us hover around 30 to 40.
131
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,351
Thirty? Nobody is at 30.
132
00:07:14,351 --> 00:07:15,644
I'm at 30.
133
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:17,896
Really? Thirty?
134
00:07:18,355 --> 00:07:20,440
Well, then, you're unusually happy.
135
00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,151
I don't think that's true.
136
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:30,576
{\an8}I think we've become
137
00:07:30,576 --> 00:07:32,077
{\an8}a bit obsessed with happiness.
138
00:07:32,077 --> 00:07:33,328
{\an8}It's a little much.
139
00:07:34,288 --> 00:07:36,665
{\an8}What happened to just
getting through the day?
140
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,293
I wonder what percentage of misery
141
00:07:39,293 --> 00:07:41,044
{\an8}this dude was at.
142
00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,589
It better have been at least 90.
143
00:07:43,589 --> 00:07:45,007
I need a cushion.
144
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:47,885
If people wanted to be happy so much,
145
00:07:47,885 --> 00:07:49,845
why does all the evidence
point to the opposite?
146
00:07:49,845 --> 00:07:51,722
I mean, newspapers, the courts,
147
00:07:51,722 --> 00:07:53,015
social media...
148
00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:55,017
The misery industry, that's huge.
149
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,393
Billions.
150
00:07:58,061 --> 00:07:59,897
The happy industry?
151
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:03,984
That's, like, one guy,
who probably lives in Canada,
152
00:08:03,984 --> 00:08:05,319
{\an8}breeding unicorns
153
00:08:05,319 --> 00:08:07,988
{\an8}and filming them for porn on the side.
154
00:08:13,827 --> 00:08:15,621
Mediocrity's capital? Really?
155
00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,932
I decided to face you as a man.
156
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,392
{\an8}Man to man.
157
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:40,312
{\an8}We're one short.
158
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:44,650
I always wanted to be a writer.
159
00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:49,947
When I was six, I wrote my first story,
160
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,157
about Wall Street.
161
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,618
{\an8}That tracks.
162
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:56,036
{\an8}When I was 12,
163
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,704
I wrote my first novel.
164
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:00,540
Whenever I get down on myself,
I read it.
165
00:09:01,792 --> 00:09:03,335
It helps me remember what I'm meant to do.
166
00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:06,964
And that I can't do anything else.
167
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:14,388
Bartow?
168
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,350
I don't think you understand
how hurtful what you said was.
169
00:09:21,979 --> 00:09:24,106
I was uncareful with my words.
170
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:28,944
I'm sorry, Bartow.
171
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,491
We cool?
172
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:37,577
Yeah, we cool.
173
00:09:39,246 --> 00:09:40,622
I'm just gonna need that in writing.
174
00:09:41,248 --> 00:09:42,624
What?
175
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,919
Um, your apology,
I'm just gonna need that
176
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,005
to be posted to
the school newspaper's website.
177
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:50,382
With a signature.
178
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:53,885
Uh, an e-signature is fine, too.
179
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,390
Would you accept an e-middle finger?
180
00:10:06,898 --> 00:10:08,358
Dean Rose called for you?
181
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:09,651
- Okay.
- Six times.
182
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:11,069
Uh-huh.
183
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:12,446
Should I try him for you?
184
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,323
Uh, no.
185
00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:15,741
Did you get me yogurt?
186
00:10:15,741 --> 00:10:17,993
It's not your yogurt day.
187
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:20,287
Yeah.
188
00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:43,518
Damnit, Rourke,
don't hide behind humor,
189
00:10:43,518 --> 00:10:44,728
as if you could...
190
00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:46,855
Why do grown-ups
bother arguing?
191
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:47,939
Well, I'm smiling.
192
00:10:47,939 --> 00:10:49,232
I have been working...
193
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,109
Haven't we learned what
the advertising world
194
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,071
figured out long ago, that, after age 49,
195
00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,782
we're not changing our minds
about anything?
196
00:10:56,782 --> 00:10:58,825
So, what's in it for people?
197
00:10:58,825 --> 00:11:00,660
A sexual charge?
198
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,537
Actually, that sounds nice.
199
00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:06,166
...that it only finds oxygen
when it's hurting a woman.
200
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:08,126
It should be
painfully clear to you by now,
201
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,628
your time, sir, it's up.
202
00:11:09,628 --> 00:11:11,671
Oh, boy, we're doing this.
203
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,632
All right, let's all be careful here.
204
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,092
I'll say anything I want.
205
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:17,052
I can't be canceled, I have tenure.
206
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:18,720
You're an ass.
207
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,930
This is because of you
208
00:11:19,930 --> 00:11:21,348
and your childish outburst in class.
209
00:11:21,348 --> 00:11:22,599
No, no, no, no, no.
210
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,267
It was inspired by him.
211
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,019
It was my idea.
212
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,521
I want recognition.
213
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,402
Camus. It means--
214
00:11:33,402 --> 00:11:34,653
Did you not get my email?
215
00:11:34,653 --> 00:11:36,863
I got a lot of email this morning.
216
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,032
I'll bet you did, peckerhead.
217
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,700
- Read your email.
- Why?
218
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,411
Rourke submitted a new course request
219
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,913
to the school website
for public evaluation,
220
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:48,291
"The Accidental Wisdom
of Mediocre Regional Writers".
221
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:49,876
He put me on the syllabus!
222
00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:51,420
Are you not regional?
223
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,674
Your choice to insult us all,
224
00:11:55,674 --> 00:11:58,093
especially in an open forum,
225
00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,511
it's simply incorrect.
226
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:01,304
We have no shortage of worthy scholars
227
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:03,598
- and published authors.
- Name one.
228
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:04,850
I'll name two,
229
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,560
myself,
230
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:07,894
and perhaps Billie.
231
00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,564
My book of sonnets on Jonathan Swift
232
00:12:10,564 --> 00:12:12,983
has become the benchmark
233
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:15,652
in early-feminist,
18th-century response poetry.
234
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,571
You are deliberately trying
235
00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:19,072
to invalidate
the last decade of my career.
236
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:20,198
Decade?
237
00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:22,742
That book came out 25 years ago,
238
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,327
and I remember it distinctly,
239
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,413
because the first email I ever got
240
00:12:26,413 --> 00:12:28,748
was a bill mistakenly sent
from your self-publisher.
241
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:31,334
Nobody was brave enough
to publish that book.
242
00:12:31,334 --> 00:12:33,753
- It was ahead of its time.
- Maybe you should have waited.
243
00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:34,963
- You--
- Ow!
244
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:37,174
Oh, shit! Shit.
245
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:39,593
Let go of the notebook.
246
00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:41,803
But it has original work in it.
247
00:12:41,803 --> 00:12:43,054
Not if it's yours.
248
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,181
- You--
- Ow!
249
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,390
Oh!
250
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,601
- Ew!
- Oh, God, I'm sorry.
251
00:12:47,601 --> 00:12:48,810
I...
252
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,229
I-I...
253
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:52,939
I-I didn't... I didn't mean to.
254
00:12:52,939 --> 00:12:54,024
I... Are you...
255
00:12:54,024 --> 00:12:55,442
Going to sue?
256
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:58,528
Yes! I want every penny
from the sale of those poems.
257
00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:01,406
You can put all of them
in this tiny pocket.
258
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:06,620
Jill from Jacob Rose's office
called again.
259
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,413
Dean Rose would like
to see you right away.
260
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:09,956
Tell them I have a class.
261
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:11,500
I said that.
262
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,126
She said right after class.
263
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:15,128
Oh. Then I have another class.
264
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,880
Then I said that.
265
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,423
Then she said
266
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,759
...that it better not be
racquetball with Tony.
267
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,886
And then I said,
268
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,387
"Have you ever been asked
to cover for your boss
269
00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,514
when he was doing something
270
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,390
he didn't want people to know about?"
271
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,975
Then she got real quiet.
272
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,189
Hey, Daniel.
273
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,900
I hope you brought
enough vape pens for everyone.
274
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:39,819
Did you just run?
275
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,656
Are you
ready to handle this Calvin situation?
276
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:45,659
You shouldn't be so excited
about expelling a kid.
277
00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,580
He disrupts my class,
he throws things--
278
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,123
Don't talk about how disruptive my son is
279
00:13:52,123 --> 00:13:54,042
when it's your job to control your class.
280
00:13:54,042 --> 00:13:56,711
No. It's my job to teach,
281
00:13:56,711 --> 00:13:59,130
and I can't do my job
if I'm spending 80% of my energy
282
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,215
trying to control her kid--
283
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:02,509
Do you know that most chocolate
has vegetable oil in it?
284
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:03,885
Or even animal fat?
285
00:14:04,886 --> 00:14:06,179
Lily, please.
286
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,847
Look, we're here
to talk about Calvin and what to do
287
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,266
at this important juncture in his life,
288
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:10,976
but first, just hear me out.
289
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:13,812
France regulates chocolate.
290
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:16,439
They don't allow anything
but pure cocoa liquor,
291
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:19,067
which is what gives chocolate
its rich, delicious flavor.
292
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,986
France, by law,
293
00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,655
says that there must be at least 40%,
294
00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:24,781
but that's not nearly good enough
295
00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,449
for La Maison du Chocolat.
296
00:14:27,492 --> 00:14:30,370
This was flown in from France last week,
297
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,746
and I'd like to share some of it with you.
298
00:14:37,919 --> 00:14:39,212
But before you eat it,
299
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,090
I want you to, um, feel it in your hand.
300
00:14:43,258 --> 00:14:44,593
Just, like, feel the weight of it.
301
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,512
And then, place it on your tongue,
302
00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,805
and keep it there.
303
00:14:50,849 --> 00:14:52,100
Let it melt in your mouth.
304
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,145
It's amazing, right?
305
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:56,646
Michelle, you're an excellent teacher.
306
00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,565
And you are clearly
a loving and caring mother.
307
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,484
Look, you want Calvin
expelled from school,
308
00:15:01,484 --> 00:15:03,612
that's not feasible,
309
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:06,323
but he doesn't have to take
biology this year.
310
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:08,074
He could make it up in summer school.
311
00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:11,786
I feel a little manipulated
by this delicious chocolate.
312
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,288
Yeah, I feel the same.
313
00:15:14,289 --> 00:15:15,540
There's common ground.
314
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:23,506
I liked what you said.
315
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:24,674
This place sucks.
316
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:26,343
It should be shut down.
317
00:15:32,641 --> 00:15:33,850
Hey, Jill.
318
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,560
He said he'd like you to read this,
319
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,728
and then go right in.
320
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,399
{\an8}Mmm. Polite note.
321
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,069
May I keep this
for my collection of memorabilia
322
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,404
of times when people
were being polite to me,
323
00:15:46,404 --> 00:15:48,323
only to be setting a trap of some sort?
324
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:50,241
I don't think it matters.
325
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,576
Well, nothing matters.
326
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:53,244
That can't be our standard.
327
00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,455
It tells me a lot
that you drove all this way.
328
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,666
I appreciate that.
You take it seriously.
329
00:15:57,666 --> 00:15:59,000
Because, guess what?
330
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,335
I take it seriously,
and we should take it seriously.
331
00:16:00,335 --> 00:16:02,587
Are we upset? You betcha.
332
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,924
But what you have to understand
is that Hank is going through
333
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:08,968
a rough patch with his diverticulitis.
334
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:12,514
Infected and inflamed pouches
bulging from his colon.
335
00:16:12,514 --> 00:16:15,392
Complete bowel Armageddon.
336
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,811
Is it an excuse? No, of course not.
337
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:19,145
Of course it isn't.
338
00:16:19,145 --> 00:16:21,439
He may not take that out on your son,
339
00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,483
and everyone agrees with that,
340
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,609
especially Hank.
341
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,822
So we're on the same page.
342
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,908
Bowel Armageddon? Really?
343
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:33,993
Hank, this article, this is bad.
344
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:35,704
I'm sure they twisted my words.
345
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,623
Oh.
346
00:16:38,623 --> 00:16:40,750
No, that's pretty much verbatim.
347
00:16:42,544 --> 00:16:45,630
Well, they were ganging up on me.
They don't mention that.
348
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,465
Every phone call I've had today?
349
00:16:47,465 --> 00:16:49,718
Board members demanding that
I kick your butt off campus.
350
00:16:49,718 --> 00:16:50,969
Maybe you explain to them
351
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:52,887
just how powerless
your position really is?
352
00:16:52,887 --> 00:16:55,056
- I think they'll understand.
- I wish I could.
353
00:16:55,056 --> 00:16:56,349
It would make my life a whole lot easier.
354
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,476
Well, I think it's a good thing.
355
00:16:58,476 --> 00:16:59,853
I put it out there.
356
00:16:59,853 --> 00:17:01,980
Maybe Railton can become a beacon,
357
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:05,024
a refuge now for really,
really lazy students.
358
00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,902
Just apologize to the kid and his parents,
359
00:17:07,902 --> 00:17:09,404
make this go away.
I don't need this today.
360
00:17:09,404 --> 00:17:11,030
No, I am not apologizing.
361
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,575
I mean, unless you name
a building after me...
362
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:14,951
And not a dorm.
363
00:17:14,951 --> 00:17:17,787
I don't want any of these idiots
sleeping in my building.
364
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:18,913
Jacob?
365
00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:20,457
The President's on.
366
00:17:20,457 --> 00:17:22,625
- You tell him I'm not sorry.
- Hank!
367
00:17:22,625 --> 00:17:24,961
This is not about you
and your little situation.
368
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,880
I'll take it in the conference room.
369
00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,047
Please tell the William-Stevenses
370
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:29,257
that I'll be back momentarily.
371
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,849
Did Gracie really deserve
all that teasing?
372
00:17:37,849 --> 00:17:39,225
"Deserve".
373
00:17:39,225 --> 00:17:41,728
You don't still believe in "deserve",
do you?
374
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:42,854
It's an unfair world,
375
00:17:42,854 --> 00:17:45,273
I'm not going to even things up
with a few kind acts.
376
00:17:46,858 --> 00:17:49,194
You know,
377
00:17:49,194 --> 00:17:51,821
tenure doesn't mean
you can't get smacked in the face.
378
00:17:51,821 --> 00:17:54,824
No, it just means
I can never, ever be fired.
379
00:17:55,116 --> 00:17:56,534
It doesn't mean that, either.
380
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,077
It kinda feels like it.
381
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,164
So you're trying to get fired
with no hope of success?
382
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:03,041
You think I'm trying to get fired?
383
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:05,960
- Did you apologize to the kid?
- For what?
384
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,507
You don't think
this has anything to do with that article
385
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:12,509
you're pretending not to carry around?
386
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,552
I'm not carrying anything around.
387
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:17,764
- No? So if I just--
- No, no!
388
00:18:17,764 --> 00:18:19,098
It might be there.
389
00:18:19,098 --> 00:18:20,391
I don't know.
390
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,061
My father retires.
391
00:18:24,395 --> 00:18:25,480
It's a major thing.
392
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,482
Big enough for the
biggest newspaper in the country
393
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,400
to put it on the cover
of the arts section.
394
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,568
Good for him.
395
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:33,655
Also, I find out about it
396
00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:35,907
from the cover of the arts section.
397
00:18:35,907 --> 00:18:37,826
Good for me.
398
00:18:37,951 --> 00:18:40,286
- And this makes you feel...
- Nothing.
399
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:43,081
And that outburst in class?
400
00:18:43,081 --> 00:18:44,666
Was unrelated.
401
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:46,793
In fact, it felt good.
402
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,586
I told the truth.
403
00:18:48,586 --> 00:18:50,088
I think I inspired myself.
404
00:18:50,088 --> 00:18:52,215
To tell the truth more?
405
00:18:52,215 --> 00:18:53,299
That's not good.
406
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:56,010
To work on my novel.
407
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:58,179
Oh, great!
408
00:18:58,179 --> 00:19:00,181
Well, I love it when you start
your second novel.
409
00:19:00,181 --> 00:19:03,351
It's usually a wonderful time
in our marriage.
410
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:06,479
How was your day?
411
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,276
Julie's coming over.
412
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,944
I don't know why.
413
00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:15,822
I know why.
414
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,323
It's these damn kids.
415
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,243
They don't hate their parents,
416
00:19:20,243 --> 00:19:21,995
at least not enough
417
00:19:21,995 --> 00:19:24,205
- to never ask them for anything again.
- ...there's a shirt hanging--
418
00:19:24,205 --> 00:19:25,957
Yeah, I got it.
419
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:28,334
The trouble is,
420
00:19:28,334 --> 00:19:30,461
my generation of parents,
421
00:19:30,461 --> 00:19:34,382
we can't let our kids feel
any pain in any way.
422
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,759
It's a sick cycle,
423
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:38,344
but to stop,
424
00:19:38,344 --> 00:19:41,180
that would take courage and conviction.
425
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,433
No. No way. It's your turn.
426
00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,519
I can't ask my mother for money
twice in six months. I can't do that.
427
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,605
Why not?
She just became a general manager.
428
00:19:48,605 --> 00:19:50,189
Yeah, of a Circle K!
429
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:52,150
- It's not fair!
- Fine!
430
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,738
I know my dad.
He's gonna hold this against me.
431
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:59,032
Well, your mom's the one
who handles all the finances, right?
432
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,534
He's probably not even going to notice
that she lent us the money.
433
00:20:02,327 --> 00:20:03,369
That's true.
434
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,246
He doesn't notice anything.
435
00:20:07,665 --> 00:20:09,667
When she gave me our Cancun money,
436
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:11,002
she said if I borrowed money again,
437
00:20:11,002 --> 00:20:13,713
she'd make me sit down and learn Quicken.
438
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:15,006
Which isn't me, you know?
439
00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:16,716
I know...
440
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,092
I know.
441
00:20:19,302 --> 00:20:20,553
It's gotta be my dad.
442
00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:29,896
It's about respect.
443
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:32,690
Gracie, why does this stuff
still bother you?
444
00:20:32,690 --> 00:20:34,067
You know who he is.
445
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:37,528
Why something is wrong
isn't relevant to making it right.
446
00:20:38,821 --> 00:20:40,031
I can't do anything about it.
447
00:20:40,031 --> 00:20:41,157
Of course not.
448
00:20:41,157 --> 00:20:42,492
Hank's chair of the department.
449
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,577
Course review falls under his purview.
450
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,955
As long as he's chair,
451
00:20:46,955 --> 00:20:49,123
there can't be any serious action
452
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,833
taken against him or anyone else.
453
00:20:50,833 --> 00:20:52,293
"As long as he's chair"?
454
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:53,544
Seriously?
455
00:20:53,544 --> 00:20:55,088
Hank's your problem, too.
456
00:20:56,798 --> 00:20:59,550
I mean, there is a person there.
457
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:07,433
There was a time you couldn't resist me.
458
00:21:11,062 --> 00:21:12,355
No one could.
459
00:21:14,691 --> 00:21:16,150
Excuse the interruption.
460
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,860
The president's office
said to let you know
461
00:21:17,860 --> 00:21:19,779
that he explained the urgency
of the situation
462
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:20,947
to the board chair,
463
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,782
and the trustees will convene next week.
464
00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:27,161
When you find out when it is,
please clear that day.
465
00:21:27,161 --> 00:21:28,413
Will do.
466
00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:35,503
This isn't about
hitting Hank with the notebook?
467
00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:39,007
Because he...
He walked into it a bit.
468
00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:42,176
One day, I'm going to meet
an English professor
469
00:21:42,176 --> 00:21:43,469
who understands that the world
470
00:21:43,469 --> 00:21:46,139
is full of lots of people and ideas...
471
00:21:46,139 --> 00:21:47,974
You could just say yes or no.
472
00:21:47,974 --> 00:21:49,350
There's no need to be insulting.
473
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,395
Is it about Rourke's new course?
474
00:21:52,395 --> 00:21:53,855
Oh, my God.
475
00:21:56,899 --> 00:21:58,151
I'm telling you guys,
476
00:21:58,151 --> 00:22:00,069
this is the best thing for our department.
477
00:22:00,069 --> 00:22:02,238
Gracie, this is very serious,
478
00:22:02,238 --> 00:22:03,823
and I have to say,
479
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:06,784
we don't feel comfortable
plotting behind Hank's back.
480
00:22:06,784 --> 00:22:08,244
This is a good idea.
481
00:22:08,244 --> 00:22:09,787
Okay. Let's see what we can get.
482
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,791
This isn't something
we should take lightly,
483
00:22:13,791 --> 00:22:16,335
and it is the best thing
for the students, too.
484
00:22:16,335 --> 00:22:17,837
Gosh, Gracie,
485
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,506
it seems like a lot of risk
for not a lot of reward.
486
00:22:20,506 --> 00:22:23,968
Okay, if you support Hank's de-chairing,
487
00:22:23,968 --> 00:22:26,220
I'll switch places with you
on the sabbatical waitlist.
488
00:22:38,775 --> 00:22:40,151
Hank, your phone.
489
00:22:44,989 --> 00:22:46,949
Yeah?
490
00:22:46,949 --> 00:22:48,618
Hello, Spanky.
491
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:49,994
Billie.
492
00:22:49,994 --> 00:22:51,162
How drunk are you?
493
00:22:51,162 --> 00:22:54,082
Plenty, but it's none of
your damn business, you son of a bitch.
494
00:22:54,082 --> 00:22:57,418
Hey, did you write
that recommendation for my daughter?
495
00:22:57,710 --> 00:23:00,338
- I will.
- You will not.
496
00:23:00,755 --> 00:23:03,424
I don't want Meg living this damn life
497
00:23:03,424 --> 00:23:05,218
in this damn town.
498
00:23:06,969 --> 00:23:09,263
Ugh. What do you know about raising a kid?
499
00:23:09,263 --> 00:23:10,723
You didn't even have a dad.
500
00:23:11,349 --> 00:23:12,600
I did.
501
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,727
You were in diapers
when that shithead left.
502
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:16,354
I was 14.
503
00:23:16,354 --> 00:23:18,773
You didn't even send
your daughter to college.
504
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:20,149
What the hell is her name?
505
00:23:20,149 --> 00:23:22,610
I'd prefer you didn't
bring up my daughter.
506
00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:28,950
Billie?
507
00:23:28,950 --> 00:23:30,118
You there?
508
00:23:31,119 --> 00:23:33,496
How come you always
let me talk to you like this?
509
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,336
Look, just don't write the recommendation,
510
00:23:40,336 --> 00:23:43,297
even though who knows
what it's gonna be worth after tomorrow.
511
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:45,758
Tomorrow?
512
00:23:45,758 --> 00:23:47,093
What happens tomorrow?
513
00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:50,054
So you're gonna be de-chaired?
514
00:23:51,347 --> 00:23:52,473
And then what does that mean?
515
00:23:52,473 --> 00:23:53,891
De-chaired.
516
00:23:53,891 --> 00:23:56,978
I think it's an outpatient procedure
these days.
517
00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:00,982
Well, if I'm no longer chair,
518
00:24:00,982 --> 00:24:03,609
it's easier to fire me,
519
00:24:03,609 --> 00:24:06,988
and if I get fired,
520
00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:09,657
that's the end of my academic career.
521
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,164
You're smiling.
522
00:24:17,832 --> 00:24:19,041
Am I?
523
00:24:21,794 --> 00:24:23,629
Is that, um, opportunity
524
00:24:23,629 --> 00:24:28,009
for you to be assistant head of school
at Arlyle still possible?
525
00:24:29,135 --> 00:24:30,219
Seriously?
526
00:24:32,805 --> 00:24:34,182
Um...
527
00:24:36,142 --> 00:24:38,519
I mean, that was months ago, so I don't...
528
00:24:38,519 --> 00:24:39,812
I don't know.
529
00:24:39,812 --> 00:24:41,147
I mean...
530
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:42,481
Yeah, I could ask.
531
00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:45,860
New York.
532
00:24:46,235 --> 00:24:48,154
God.
533
00:24:48,905 --> 00:24:50,531
Could it finally be time?
534
00:24:52,575 --> 00:24:55,244
MoMA, instead of Roger's Art.
535
00:24:56,621 --> 00:24:58,873
Peter Luger's instead of Outback.
536
00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:00,458
Mmm...
537
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,003
I mean,
we'd be a little close to your father.
538
00:25:05,129 --> 00:25:07,048
It's a city
of eight million people.
539
00:25:07,798 --> 00:25:09,675
I think I can avoid him.
540
00:25:09,675 --> 00:25:11,761
I don't know.
541
00:25:11,761 --> 00:25:14,096
We saw Catherine Keener twice.
542
00:25:18,351 --> 00:25:19,560
Do you know you make a move
543
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,230
every time I say "Catherine Keener"?
544
00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:24,690
Keep saying it, see what it gets you.
545
00:25:37,286 --> 00:25:39,205
Yes?
546
00:25:39,205 --> 00:25:41,791
Hi. Am I speaking
with Professor Devereaux Jr.?
547
00:25:41,791 --> 00:25:43,292
Just Professor Devereaux.
548
00:25:43,292 --> 00:25:44,794
I've never had any confusion.
549
00:25:44,794 --> 00:25:46,837
Yes. Hello, Professor Devereaux.
550
00:25:46,837 --> 00:25:48,923
This is Marnie Cole
from your father's office.
551
00:25:52,134 --> 00:25:55,012
Um, I hate to bother you like this, but...
552
00:25:55,346 --> 00:25:57,014
Uh, yeah?
553
00:25:57,014 --> 00:25:58,516
Stephanie asked me to call
554
00:25:58,516 --> 00:26:00,268
and let you know
that she has left your father.
555
00:26:00,268 --> 00:26:01,894
Stephanie? Is that the maid?
556
00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:03,396
She's his wife.
557
00:26:03,396 --> 00:26:07,275
Uh, okay, well, I guess
he'll have to get a third wife.
558
00:26:07,275 --> 00:26:08,859
Well, that was his third wife.
559
00:26:08,859 --> 00:26:10,945
Well, I wish her well then.
560
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:14,282
So, it's not an ideal time
for him to be alone.
561
00:26:14,282 --> 00:26:16,409
I think maybe he could use some help.
562
00:26:16,534 --> 00:26:18,536
Marnie, um, I'm sorry.
563
00:26:18,536 --> 00:26:20,162
In the future,
564
00:26:20,162 --> 00:26:22,039
could you leave messages like this
565
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:23,958
with my assistant in my office, okay?
566
00:26:23,958 --> 00:26:25,501
'Cause this is my personal cell.
567
00:26:25,501 --> 00:26:28,296
This is only for friends
and work and family
568
00:26:28,296 --> 00:26:29,922
and marketing calls.
569
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:31,590
Okay? You have that other number?
570
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,218
I do, but he is your family.
571
00:26:34,218 --> 00:26:35,845
Well, then he can call me.
572
00:26:35,970 --> 00:26:37,972
That would be the first time in 15 years.
573
00:26:41,392 --> 00:26:43,686
I'm submitting an alternate budget.
574
00:26:43,686 --> 00:26:46,731
Good. The first one was so boring.
575
00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:53,070
Could you run the freshman requirements
576
00:26:53,070 --> 00:26:57,366
and service a major
with five professors, or...
577
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,578
Or four professors
and add a few more adjuncts?
578
00:27:01,787 --> 00:27:03,622
I need an answer or I'm just gonna guess.
579
00:27:03,622 --> 00:27:04,957
Oh,
580
00:27:04,957 --> 00:27:06,834
this is fun.
581
00:27:06,834 --> 00:27:09,253
I like that we do this every year.
582
00:27:09,754 --> 00:27:12,006
You know, we could skip the stage
where you threaten cuts
583
00:27:12,006 --> 00:27:14,300
and jump right to the part
where you give me my full budget.
584
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:17,470
I've got a fantasy pickleball league
that's heating up.
585
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,013
I don't have time for this.
586
00:27:20,806 --> 00:27:22,224
What?
587
00:27:24,435 --> 00:27:26,395
Jacob, what is it?
588
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:28,189
You may have noticed
589
00:27:28,314 --> 00:27:31,108
that half the schools
in the country are broke.
590
00:27:31,108 --> 00:27:33,319
I noticed they're going out
to dinner less often.
591
00:27:33,319 --> 00:27:35,613
Well, think about
592
00:27:35,613 --> 00:27:38,741
what you can pull off
with three fewer professors.
593
00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:44,955
If I'm still chair in an hour,
I'll do that.
594
00:27:50,628 --> 00:27:52,671
Uh, first of all,
595
00:27:52,838 --> 00:27:54,256
I'd like to, um...
596
00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:55,424
I'd like to point out that,
597
00:27:55,424 --> 00:27:57,093
although I am completely agnostic
598
00:27:57,093 --> 00:27:59,053
as to the outcome of the vote
that's about to take place...
599
00:27:59,053 --> 00:28:00,388
Paul, can you join us?
600
00:28:00,388 --> 00:28:02,640
- Yeah.
- Thank you. Thank you.
601
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,726
Um, I was asked by Dean Rose--
602
00:28:05,726 --> 00:28:07,353
Yeah, right.
603
00:28:07,353 --> 00:28:09,688
...to call this meeting
and motion for a vote.
604
00:28:15,111 --> 00:28:18,030
I heard that there was a vote
to remove me as chair.
605
00:28:18,030 --> 00:28:20,032
I just... I didn't want to miss it.
606
00:28:20,282 --> 00:28:21,659
Jesus, Billie.
607
00:28:21,659 --> 00:28:23,411
Oh, what's the goddamned difference?
608
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:33,796
So, um, Professor Wheemer has agreed
609
00:28:33,796 --> 00:28:35,047
to run the proceedings.
610
00:28:35,047 --> 00:28:36,340
I didn't really.
611
00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:37,716
Weiner?
612
00:28:37,716 --> 00:28:38,884
She's not a professor.
613
00:28:38,884 --> 00:28:40,302
She shows movies.
614
00:28:40,302 --> 00:28:41,595
How is that teaching?
615
00:28:41,595 --> 00:28:42,930
She's a projectionist.
616
00:28:42,930 --> 00:28:45,015
Okay, it's "Wheemer" with an "M",
617
00:28:45,015 --> 00:28:47,768
and I don't want to be running
these proceedings.
618
00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:48,853
I shouldn't.
619
00:28:48,853 --> 00:28:50,229
It's not fair.
620
00:28:50,229 --> 00:28:51,522
People around the world
621
00:28:51,522 --> 00:28:53,107
don't have access to free speech,
622
00:28:53,107 --> 00:28:55,025
and I should just feel free
623
00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:58,028
to go on about calls
and recounts and whatnot?
624
00:28:58,028 --> 00:28:59,530
It's obscene.
625
00:28:59,530 --> 00:29:01,157
Okay, thanks, we got it.
Go, now.
626
00:29:04,201 --> 00:29:05,703
Okay, we're here for a no-confidence vote
627
00:29:05,703 --> 00:29:07,580
for the chair of the department,
628
00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:09,081
for certain events
629
00:29:09,081 --> 00:29:10,541
that have transpired
over the past few days,
630
00:29:10,541 --> 00:29:15,045
and how he's conducted himself
in regards to those events.
631
00:29:16,630 --> 00:29:17,923
Would the accused
632
00:29:17,923 --> 00:29:19,425
like to say anything
in his defense before the vote?
633
00:29:19,425 --> 00:29:21,010
The accused?
634
00:29:21,010 --> 00:29:22,219
It was a good flick.
635
00:29:22,219 --> 00:29:24,263
Jodie Foster.
She won an Oscar for that film.
636
00:29:24,263 --> 00:29:26,056
We watch it in
my gender-analysis film class.
637
00:29:26,056 --> 00:29:28,267
New Bedford Chamber of Commerce
hated that movie.
638
00:29:28,267 --> 00:29:29,435
It killed the Moby Dick tours.
639
00:29:29,435 --> 00:29:30,519
Okay, can we please--
640
00:29:30,519 --> 00:29:34,231
Yes, the accused
would like to make a statement.
641
00:29:37,443 --> 00:29:39,445
The kid that I yelled at...
642
00:29:39,445 --> 00:29:40,946
Okay,
643
00:29:40,946 --> 00:29:42,781
he killed my governess.
644
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:43,949
This is many years ago,
645
00:29:43,949 --> 00:29:47,119
and I vowed revenge, and now I have it,
646
00:29:47,119 --> 00:29:50,998
and it feels empty
in the way that novels predict.
647
00:29:58,714 --> 00:30:01,675
The question at hand
is a simple aye or nay.
648
00:30:01,675 --> 00:30:04,803
Should Hank be removed from the chair?
649
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:05,888
"Aye" means "yes".
650
00:30:05,888 --> 00:30:07,640
Can you just say yes?
651
00:30:07,765 --> 00:30:09,391
Short answer, yes with caveats.
652
00:30:09,391 --> 00:30:10,976
It requires a vote.
653
00:30:10,976 --> 00:30:12,061
You can make that motion,
654
00:30:12,061 --> 00:30:13,896
but not until a call for new business.
655
00:30:13,896 --> 00:30:15,773
And I assume you can get it seconded.
656
00:30:15,773 --> 00:30:18,817
I second the motion
that "aye" means "yes".
657
00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:21,111
Well, there hasn't been
a call for new business.
658
00:30:21,111 --> 00:30:22,488
I literally just explained that.
659
00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:23,864
Jesus Christ, guys.
660
00:30:23,864 --> 00:30:25,366
"Aye" it is!
661
00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:26,742
So an aye for an aye then?
662
00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:36,210
The firing squad.
663
00:30:37,503 --> 00:30:40,297
They never sent one person, it's a squad.
664
00:30:40,297 --> 00:30:43,467
The group effort makes it
more of a bonding event,
665
00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:47,388
like lions ripping apart a scared gazelle.
666
00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:49,974
A pride.
667
00:30:49,974 --> 00:30:51,100
Good times.
668
00:30:52,226 --> 00:30:53,602
Okay, that's one aye,
669
00:30:53,602 --> 00:30:55,187
a nay,
670
00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:58,857
another aye,
671
00:30:58,857 --> 00:31:01,235
and that's it.
672
00:31:02,861 --> 00:31:04,780
That's three ayes, a nay,
and the rest abstain.
673
00:31:05,823 --> 00:31:07,199
Well, the ayes have it.
674
00:31:08,325 --> 00:31:10,327
Hank is officially removed as the chair.
675
00:31:12,997 --> 00:31:14,248
Wait.
676
00:31:14,248 --> 00:31:16,125
Who is the next chair?
677
00:31:19,587 --> 00:31:21,338
Why...
678
00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:24,675
So why don't we take some time to discuss,
679
00:31:24,675 --> 00:31:27,803
and meet again tomorrow, same time?
680
00:31:39,189 --> 00:31:43,193
♪ Love is like the sea ♪
681
00:31:43,193 --> 00:31:48,449
♪ It carries you back
Where you came from ♪
682
00:31:48,449 --> 00:31:51,452
♪ Love is like the cloud ♪
683
00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:56,624
♪ Fading away
But it comes again ♪
684
00:32:13,974 --> 00:32:16,435
I guess I finally sunk
my own battleship.
685
00:32:16,810 --> 00:32:19,813
That's the first time I made
the whole department happy.
686
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,024
Well, I wouldn't
beat yourself up too hard.
687
00:32:22,149 --> 00:32:23,192
Done.
688
00:32:24,026 --> 00:32:25,944
Because...
689
00:32:26,111 --> 00:32:27,863
I called Tom Leska,
690
00:32:27,863 --> 00:32:31,575
and they have not filled
the position at Arlyle.
691
00:32:31,575 --> 00:32:33,160
He didn't exactly offer me the job,
692
00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,579
but he sure seemed to imply
that I have a shot.
693
00:32:36,789 --> 00:32:37,831
Whoa.
694
00:32:37,831 --> 00:32:39,249
Yeah, I know.
695
00:32:45,589 --> 00:32:48,258
It's just logistics...
696
00:32:48,258 --> 00:32:50,177
I mean, our...
697
00:32:50,177 --> 00:32:51,387
Our daughter's here,
698
00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:53,097
and my mom.
699
00:32:53,097 --> 00:32:54,473
There's a few things that we need...
700
00:32:54,473 --> 00:32:56,684
We need to talk through,
we need to work out.
701
00:32:56,684 --> 00:32:58,352
Don't. Don't. Don't do that.
702
00:32:58,352 --> 00:32:59,853
Don't do that.
703
00:33:06,026 --> 00:33:07,319
Actually, it's my fault.
704
00:33:10,030 --> 00:33:11,699
Where are you going?
705
00:33:11,699 --> 00:33:12,908
I'm going for a run.
706
00:33:12,908 --> 00:33:14,118
What? It's 11:00 p.m.
707
00:33:14,118 --> 00:33:15,411
You already ran today.
708
00:33:15,411 --> 00:33:16,495
There's raccoons out there!
709
00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,038
Did you just make a joke?
710
00:33:18,038 --> 00:33:19,540
Uh-uh.
711
00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:26,130
I forgot
712
00:33:26,130 --> 00:33:28,215
that you aren't capable
of leaving this town
713
00:33:28,215 --> 00:33:31,969
for reasons that will only
be fully understood
714
00:33:31,969 --> 00:33:33,721
by your future therapist.
715
00:33:34,805 --> 00:33:36,974
I learned it years ago, I just forgot it.
716
00:33:36,974 --> 00:33:38,559
So shame on me.
717
00:33:49,611 --> 00:33:51,238
Good morning.
718
00:33:51,238 --> 00:33:52,322
Hey.
719
00:33:54,533 --> 00:33:56,493
- Um, I made coffee.
- Uh...
720
00:33:57,786 --> 00:33:59,580
Thanks.
721
00:33:59,580 --> 00:34:02,958
You came over here
early in the morning to make me coffee?
722
00:34:02,958 --> 00:34:04,960
I just wanted to have breakfast
with you guys.
723
00:34:06,086 --> 00:34:07,379
I was also going to tell you,
724
00:34:07,379 --> 00:34:11,258
um, I saw Stacey Rose
at the supermarket yesterday.
725
00:34:11,258 --> 00:34:13,677
I don't know if Dean Rose
mentioned that to you?
726
00:34:13,844 --> 00:34:15,012
He didn't.
727
00:34:15,429 --> 00:34:16,722
Well, she says hi.
728
00:34:16,722 --> 00:34:18,640
She wants everyone to come over
for dinner some time.
729
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,143
The whole gang.
730
00:34:25,397 --> 00:34:27,232
Do you want to play Bananagrams?
731
00:34:27,232 --> 00:34:28,609
Do you remember when we used
to do this before school?
732
00:34:30,486 --> 00:34:31,528
Yeah, sure.
733
00:34:41,663 --> 00:34:43,499
Oh, um...
734
00:34:43,499 --> 00:34:44,708
I was also going to tell you,
735
00:34:44,708 --> 00:34:47,503
Russell actually has
a pretty interesting opportunity.
736
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:49,046
Oh?
737
00:34:49,046 --> 00:34:51,799
Yeah, yeah, it's pretty exciting stuff,
738
00:34:51,799 --> 00:34:53,091
and it's really next level,
739
00:34:53,091 --> 00:34:54,676
and he can get in on the ground floor.
740
00:34:54,676 --> 00:34:56,178
Ground floor, that sounds...
741
00:34:56,178 --> 00:34:58,222
That sounds a little low for next level.
742
00:34:58,222 --> 00:34:59,640
Are you sure he's got the right entrance?
743
00:35:00,641 --> 00:35:02,559
That is hilarious.
744
00:35:02,559 --> 00:35:04,019
Um...
745
00:35:04,019 --> 00:35:06,438
Yeah, no, it would just require him
746
00:35:06,438 --> 00:35:08,565
not getting a paycheck for a while,
is the thing.
747
00:35:08,565 --> 00:35:10,400
- Darn it.
- Yeah.
748
00:35:10,526 --> 00:35:11,777
So we're just figuring out
749
00:35:11,777 --> 00:35:14,238
how to get from here to there
in the meantime.
750
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,325
You know what?
I think I could help.
751
00:35:21,537 --> 00:35:22,704
Really?
752
00:35:22,704 --> 00:35:24,414
Yeah. I mean, my thought is
753
00:35:24,414 --> 00:35:26,959
what if Russell were to take
a less interesting job,
754
00:35:26,959 --> 00:35:28,252
but one that paid right away?
755
00:35:28,252 --> 00:35:29,336
Dad!
756
00:35:29,336 --> 00:35:30,754
See, I'm doing the math,
757
00:35:30,754 --> 00:35:32,673
- and I think that actually works great.
- You're not doing the math,
758
00:35:32,673 --> 00:35:34,341
- you're being an asshole.
- Now is not a good time,
759
00:35:34,341 --> 00:35:36,260
- because I have to save for retirement.
- It's never a good time!
760
00:35:36,260 --> 00:35:37,344
I owe that to you,
761
00:35:37,344 --> 00:35:39,054
otherwise I become your dependent
762
00:35:39,054 --> 00:35:40,889
- and live in your home.
- I wouldn't even ask you what it was for.
763
00:35:40,889 --> 00:35:43,684
"Michael experienced 4:00 a.m.
differently as an adult.
764
00:35:43,684 --> 00:35:45,936
The alarm clock used to mean
hockey practice and friends,
765
00:35:45,936 --> 00:35:47,646
and now it means cows
766
00:35:47,646 --> 00:35:48,981
and the start of another
shift on the ranch--"
767
00:35:48,981 --> 00:35:50,440
Okay, let's talk.
768
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,151
You mean us, or--
769
00:35:53,151 --> 00:35:55,696
Yeah, what do we all think
of this letter from Bartow?
770
00:35:57,281 --> 00:35:58,448
Are you asking us?
771
00:35:58,448 --> 00:36:01,243
'Cause I think he made
some pretty good points.
772
00:36:02,202 --> 00:36:03,745
Okay, name one.
773
00:36:03,745 --> 00:36:08,750
That we deserve a teacher
who believes in us.
774
00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:11,461
That does sound nice.
775
00:36:11,461 --> 00:36:13,547
I mean, it's all in the letter, Professor.
776
00:36:15,173 --> 00:36:16,967
"I, Bartow Williams-Stevens,
777
00:36:16,967 --> 00:36:18,969
am compelled to write this open letter
778
00:36:18,969 --> 00:36:21,972
because you have humiliated me
and I feel terrible."
779
00:36:21,972 --> 00:36:24,850
Okay, you don't have to say
you feel terrible.
780
00:36:24,850 --> 00:36:27,352
That's a natural result
of being humiliated,
781
00:36:27,352 --> 00:36:28,645
so, repetitive.
782
00:36:29,813 --> 00:36:33,275
"I believe we deserve teachers
who believe in us."
783
00:36:33,275 --> 00:36:34,985
That's a lot of believing.
784
00:36:34,985 --> 00:36:38,071
Overuse of a word diminishes its power.
785
00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:43,201
Well, it's terribly written,
786
00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:46,872
which is too bad because
he makes some good points.
787
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:54,796
Calvin just broke a window
in the east hallway.
788
00:36:54,922 --> 00:36:55,923
What?
789
00:36:55,923 --> 00:36:58,133
I told you. I said it.
790
00:36:58,133 --> 00:37:00,344
I said the kid needed to be expelled,
791
00:37:00,344 --> 00:37:02,095
and then you charmed us.
792
00:37:02,930 --> 00:37:04,598
The situation didn't need pacifying,
793
00:37:04,598 --> 00:37:06,516
it needed a hard action.
794
00:37:06,516 --> 00:37:07,684
You solved nothing.
795
00:37:16,401 --> 00:37:17,402
Can we make this quick
796
00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,780
because I lose my court in 15 minutes?
797
00:37:21,490 --> 00:37:23,951
"Hell is empty
and all the devils are here."
798
00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:25,243
Okay.
799
00:37:25,243 --> 00:37:27,204
Rules are a simple plurality wins.
800
00:37:27,204 --> 00:37:29,498
You may vote for anyone,
including yourself.
801
00:37:29,498 --> 00:37:31,667
Once the votes are filled out
and collected,
802
00:37:31,667 --> 00:37:33,001
there is no adjustment of the vote.
803
00:37:33,001 --> 00:37:34,753
It's final.
804
00:37:34,753 --> 00:37:37,005
Write along the line with words,
805
00:37:37,214 --> 00:37:39,132
no doodles, Paul,
806
00:37:39,132 --> 00:37:40,926
and fold it one time.
807
00:37:40,926 --> 00:37:42,094
No quarter folds.
808
00:37:43,553 --> 00:37:44,972
Okay, does everyone understand?
809
00:37:46,682 --> 00:37:48,684
Goddamnit, I need to hear
a plurality of voices.
810
00:37:48,684 --> 00:37:49,768
Aye.
811
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:51,520
Hey! Look, you did it!
All right, go ahead.
812
00:38:07,411 --> 00:38:08,453
All right.
813
00:38:08,453 --> 00:38:09,871
And here we go.
814
00:38:11,832 --> 00:38:12,916
One vote for June.
815
00:38:14,459 --> 00:38:15,627
One vote for Teddy.
816
00:38:15,627 --> 00:38:17,379
You voted for yourself?
817
00:38:17,379 --> 00:38:19,172
We agreed last night that--
818
00:38:19,172 --> 00:38:21,174
Yes, we agreed to vote for me.
819
00:38:21,174 --> 00:38:22,718
Why would we agree to vote for you?
820
00:38:22,718 --> 00:38:24,011
- That makes no sense.
- There are complications.
821
00:38:24,011 --> 00:38:25,429
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
822
00:38:25,429 --> 00:38:27,931
Can you do your evil scheming
in your underground lair
823
00:38:27,931 --> 00:38:29,266
and not at work?
824
00:38:29,641 --> 00:38:30,767
One vote for me?
825
00:38:35,897 --> 00:38:38,859
One vote for "Hank.
Ha ha, damn you all to hell."
826
00:38:38,859 --> 00:38:40,193
Damn you all to hell.
827
00:38:40,193 --> 00:38:42,279
One vote for a new iPad.
828
00:38:42,279 --> 00:38:44,906
These go to Santa eventually, right?
829
00:38:44,906 --> 00:38:46,408
One vote for Rourke.
830
00:38:46,408 --> 00:38:49,119
Ooh! Don't mind if I do.
831
00:38:49,119 --> 00:38:50,203
Yikes.
832
00:38:51,747 --> 00:38:53,206
And another vote for Hank.
833
00:38:57,502 --> 00:38:58,545
Hank?
834
00:38:58,545 --> 00:39:00,380
Wait, what the hell just happened?
835
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:01,798
I...
836
00:39:01,798 --> 00:39:05,218
I thought that
I was throwing away my vote,
837
00:39:05,218 --> 00:39:08,555
um, as a form of abstaining,
838
00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:09,931
which, as you know
839
00:39:09,931 --> 00:39:11,475
from my essay, "The Art of Abstention"--
840
00:39:11,475 --> 00:39:12,934
And that's it.
841
00:39:13,101 --> 00:39:14,519
Wait, what?
842
00:39:15,645 --> 00:39:19,316
Yeah, the only person
with more than one vote is...
843
00:39:19,733 --> 00:39:20,901
Hank.
844
00:39:25,447 --> 00:39:26,782
Hank's our new chair.
845
00:39:28,241 --> 00:39:32,120
A fresh term of three years begins... now.
846
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:33,205
Sorry.
847
00:39:46,968 --> 00:39:48,845
- My point.
- What?
848
00:39:48,845 --> 00:39:51,473
- Meniscus Rules.
- But you could've got that!
849
00:39:51,473 --> 00:39:52,641
Not without taking a step.
850
00:39:52,641 --> 00:39:55,060
You could have tilted like a teapot.
851
00:39:57,395 --> 00:39:58,605
You're stepping now.
852
00:39:58,605 --> 00:40:01,108
To serve! It's different.
853
00:40:01,108 --> 00:40:02,818
Just once, I'd like to play fair.
854
00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:10,659
My point.
855
00:40:13,328 --> 00:40:14,412
I'm wondering
856
00:40:14,412 --> 00:40:16,832
if it's the forbidden nature
of all the sexual politics
857
00:40:16,832 --> 00:40:19,292
that's making the sex better.
858
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:21,753
There's more at risk.
859
00:40:22,087 --> 00:40:24,297
Maybe the sex is
860
00:40:24,297 --> 00:40:26,883
exactly the same
861
00:40:26,883 --> 00:40:28,218
and you're losing touch with your partner
862
00:40:28,218 --> 00:40:29,845
as a human being
863
00:40:29,845 --> 00:40:33,557
due to your advanced age
and growing callousness.
864
00:40:33,557 --> 00:40:34,724
Yeah, I thought of that,
865
00:40:34,724 --> 00:40:36,518
but multiple women have told me
866
00:40:36,518 --> 00:40:38,395
I'm becoming a better fornicator.
867
00:40:38,395 --> 00:40:40,605
Multiple women.
868
00:40:40,605 --> 00:40:41,815
And there's nothing in it for them.
869
00:40:41,815 --> 00:40:43,275
They didn't have to say that.
870
00:40:48,029 --> 00:40:50,657
Why can't racquetball be most of the day,
871
00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:52,951
and then everything else is just one hour?
872
00:40:55,412 --> 00:40:57,080
Picture your perfect life.
873
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:58,957
Put it on a tableau for me.
874
00:40:58,957 --> 00:41:00,417
Paint it on that wall.
875
00:41:01,251 --> 00:41:02,335
What do you see?
876
00:41:11,678 --> 00:41:14,181
I can't improve on that white wall.
877
00:41:14,181 --> 00:41:16,224
It's...
878
00:41:16,349 --> 00:41:18,018
It's... It's soothing.
879
00:41:25,233 --> 00:41:27,569
I'm scared that
880
00:41:27,569 --> 00:41:28,987
my father's retirement
881
00:41:28,987 --> 00:41:32,032
is going to upset this very delicate
balance that we've achieved.
882
00:41:33,992 --> 00:41:35,577
He left and we don't speak.
883
00:41:37,662 --> 00:41:39,998
I think I'm feeling regret.
884
00:41:39,998 --> 00:41:44,336
All these years, I haven't
fully appreciated all that I didn't have.
885
00:41:50,217 --> 00:41:51,801
Multiple women.
886
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:03,480
- Hey, guess what?
- I'm running.
887
00:42:20,580 --> 00:42:22,249
They made me chair again.
888
00:42:22,249 --> 00:42:23,458
Three more years.
889
00:42:25,085 --> 00:42:27,254
♪ I started a joke ♪
890
00:42:27,254 --> 00:42:31,007
♪ Which started
The whole world crying... ♪
891
00:42:32,884 --> 00:42:34,010
I'll see you at home.
892
00:42:34,010 --> 00:42:36,221
♪ But I didn't see ♪
893
00:42:40,225 --> 00:42:43,144
♪ That the joke was on me ♪