Skadoosh.
Lou-ee-ooh!
Loojee?
Luigi?
Looney?
Lunu?
Lou-ee-lai! Lalailoo!
Lukulululu? Lu?
I know it's an L word. Um…
-Lorelai?
Leela?
Ow.
Lila… What was her name?
Will you stop it, Veruca?
Careful with that. Our work's not done.
Just having a bit of fun.
-Hm… Quite a river.
Oh, pretty.
-Ah…
Oh, scary.
Scaly and scary!
You look lost.
Wouldn't be, if you could point us toward the Lotus?
-Lotus? What is that?
This is our river, that's our bridge, and this is our mountain pass.
And nobody crosses it without paying a fee.
How about that pretty glove?
You want the glove, do you?
-Do you?
You've got it.
That silly bear probably wandered into a ditch.
Broke her legs. Needs my help.
That's why she should've waited for…
The Dragon Master!
I mean, you know, former Dragon Master. Whatever.
What?
Glowy thumb.
Weird.
Watch the rock!
-Dramatic.
I was gonna show you my secret way through the Kai Yu River Pass, remember?
I said I was leaving in the morning. The sun rose three hours ago.
Oh. You know why?
My mornings usually start around 11.
I don't know. I guess the sun rises earlier in England or something.
That's not how the sun works.
Well, I can still help you.
You're going to help me?
The panda I just watched trip down an entire mountain?
That wasn't my fault. It's this thumb.
It's got a mind of its own.
Uh…
Hm. I dunno, maybe it's asleep or something.
You've been hiking for three hours and I caught up to you in one.
You need me.
Hm?
Fine.
-You may show me your shortcut. -For real?! I mean…
For real?
Okay, okay, so, like, if we're gonna partner up--
We're not partners.
You can teach me how to be a knight,
and I can teach you kung fu.
And then we can become kung fu knights!
Knights of kung fu? Kung foots?
Hm. I'm workshopping it.
You? A knight?
It takes years. You start as a knight's page.
If you're lucky, you're promoted to squire.
And then, maybe, if you've managed a heroic deed,
they'll recommend you to the Queen for knighthood.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do I become a page?
Impress me.
That's kinda my whole thing. I'm pretty impress--
Tushie-smash!
Let me just take five. Ooh, yeah!
Nice.
-Uh, looks tasty.
-I'm not concerned with tasty. -Try this.
My dad's world-famous red chili crisp.
Hm?
Oh. Oh, my--
Yeah, it's pretty hot-- Whoa!
-You poisoned me! -What?
No, I didn't!
It's just spicy! It'll pass, I promise!
Pretty good, right?
Uh, pretty quick with that sword.
Don't put your grubby paws near it.
This sword was forged with the Black Steel of the Equinox.
Black Steel of the Equinox?!
I don't know what that means but it sounds awesome.
Black Steel of the Equinox!
That is so fun to say. Try saying that, go ahead.
Black Steel of the Equinox isn't fun.
It's the same metal Sir Galaham the Brooding used
to forge his great axe, Bone Kisser.
There was an axe called Bone Kisser?!
That's nothing.
Sir Rabbit of Devon had a bow so strong
it could fire an arrow through ten of her enemies at once, like butter.
You know what she called it?
Butter Bow?
Skullpiercer.
Wow, cool!
Gross…
So, how do you know all that?
It's all right here,
in the Knight's Code.
Okay, cool. So, what's the deal with these weasels?
Klaus and Veruca are mages.
Well, a sect of mages, ones with bad intent.
For hundreds of years,
they've used their dark powers to manipulate their way into society.
Only recently did the knights discover their plans
and banish them from England.
But not until after Klaus and Veruca infiltrated the Queen's inner circle,
and made an attempt on her life,
destroying any who stood in their path.
The Queen survived and Veruca was captured.
But Klaus eventually freed his sister and fled here, and now I know why.
The gauntlet. With its power, I fear they will tear through England's defenses,
leaving a river of carnage right to the palace doors.
You see now why I cannot wait?
Why I must stop them before they leave these shores?
Oh, yeah, right.
I should go.
-So, am I-- -Guiding me on your shortcut
so I refrain from boiling your innards for my next cup of tea?
Up to you.
You want shortcuts?
We'll get you there yesterday.
Me, a knight's page, serving you and your very long name.
It's Luthera of Landreth, the Wandering Blade,
Daughter of the Saxon Guard, Knight of England.
Yeah, that's like half a day saying that.
If I'm gonna be your page, can I just call you Wandering Blade?
Or WB? Ooh, that's pretty good.
WB. W, W, W… Debby! Yeah.
No?
Okay, Wandering Blade. Okay, yes. That's the coolest part anyway.
If you were going to be my page,
you would have to scrub my boots, carry my gear, make camp.
If necessary, a page will give their life for their knight.
I can totally do some of that.
I almost die all the time!
You may start by carrying my helmet.
You impressed yet?
No.
Come on.
Oh, I'm so gonna impress you. Just you watch.
If you really want to be my page,
you need to stop messing around with silly shortcuts
and get me to this ri--
-River.
You didn't think it was worth mentioning that this river is made of lava?
I know, right?
It's pretty intense. Don't worry, there's a bridge right over--
Okay, the bridge is gone.
But hey, at least we know for a fact they came this way!
It's one of them gauntlet craters!
Huh? Huh?
-I'm running out of time. -We are running out of time.
Come on! If we don't stick together, how am I supposed to impress--
-You…
-Ow!
You stopped me in Wankun,
as far as I know you took us the long way so you could go vegetable picking,
and now I'm stuck on the wrong side of a lava river
because your secret way across was to take the bridge!
We're stuck on the wrong side of a lava river.
You kinda gotta get used to saying "we."
Go home, Po.
There is no "we."
I never said the bridge was my secret way across!
I am the river.
What is that?
What are you do-- What are you doing?
Just trying to summon some inner peace here,
if you could just give me half a sec.
I am the river.
I am the rock.
I am…
Po the Page.
Po!
This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy's on fire, this little piggy got roasted…
So.
Impressed yet?
I, uh…
How did you do that?
Kung fu! I did have a life before I was your page, you know.
Here.
Tie it to that tree trunk.
I saw you walk the tightrope yesterday, you can totally make this.
Where are you going to tie it?
Uh, I'll hold it.
Uh, y-yeah, no. Uh…
Oh, come on! It'll be my first charge as your page.
You sure you're strong enough?
You have trust issues.
No, I have "you" issues.
Whoa!
-Alright, got it. Okay, yeah.
Everything okay over there?
Oh, yeah. No sweat.
My arm just, uh, you know, fell asleep.
-Kidding. Just a joke.
Po, behind you!
Oh, I get it.
No, no, you aren't pranking me.
Behind you!
Dragon Master?
Chuntao!
Though I suppose that's not your name anymore.
Whoa!
We all heard about your little tumble from grace.
Friends of yours?
Uh, not exactly. This is Chuntao.
I kinda put him in jail a few years ago for hijacking the old Emperor's new wagon.
All to impress a girl. I got this covered.
Chuntao! How's Dai-Tai?
We broke up.
Oh, jeez, I'm sorry to hear that.
Yeah. She wanted a bigger house!
And it's, like, "I'm trying my best here, Dai-Tai!"
And she's, like, "We live in a literal hole in the wall!"
Po?
-Po!
You know there's a fee for crossing our river.
But since we have history and all, I'll give you a friends and family discount.
Aw! See, there's nothing to worry about! They're giving us--
Whoa. Interesting discount.
We'll take the sword!
Ow!
Po!
-Stop moving! -I'm doing my best over here!
-Maybe we just give them the sword?
No one touches my sword.
So cool.
It's slipping. Blade!
Blade! I can't hold it.
-Yes, you can!
It's too heavy!
You're strong enough!
Ow! Ow! Ooh!
Do not drop that rope, Po!
-Ooh, yeah. Come on!
-As your page, that wasn't my fault.
-The rope just broke. -Will you shut it and run?
You better turn tail and run.
This is the tail end of your story.
Tail pun.
-I'll hold them back. -Yoink!
-No!
Now we're even, Dragon Master.
-Okay. You just wait there.
I'll get the Black Steel of the Equinox after I take care of these guys.
It's called Luthera's Shield, and no one touches it but me.
Your sword is named Luthera's Shield?
But it's a sword!
But it guards me. Like a shield.
-What are you doing?
Getting my sword back, before he gets away with it.
Is this what you're after? Come and get it.
Blade!
-Gotcha.
Blade, come on. Soloing isn't working out. Let's do this together.
I mean, what's the worst that can happen? We fall into a little lava, maybe we die.
Or maybe we do something heroic!
-As knight and page!
Ow, ow, ow! Hot!
You're running out of mountains to hide in, Chuntao,
and you're out of lizards.
And when we catch you, we're taking back the Black Steel of the Equinox!
This thing is black steel?
Wow. I'm gonna be rich!
And then Dai-Tai will have to take me back!
Nice try, Dragon Master, but there's always more lizards.
Po!
I am the river.
I am the rock.
I am Po,
the former Dragon Master!
Hiyah!
Whoa, what? Sorry, Jim! Sorry, Ralph! Sorry, Mom!
Can't you take it easy on me?
I'll give you the friends and family discount. Skadoosh!
Nice callback!
Whew! Okay.
-So? -Po.
I'm impressed.
-Aw, yeah!
-Po? -No, it wasn't me. It's the thumb!
It's awake!
-Whoa. The thumb.
The thumb wakes up when they use the gauntlet.
Seems safe to say.
So…
Looks like you kinda do need me.
No.
-But I do need your thumb.