1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,877 DAZ: G'day Australia, 2 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:07,966 and welcome to the 256th Handball Olympics, the Handies! 3 00:00:07,966 --> 00:00:10,635 Where elite athletes from all across Australia 4 00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:13,430 get together to play handball! 5 00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,639 SUGAR DAVE: That's right, Daz. 6 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:15,765 While other countries consider 7 00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:17,684 handball a schoolyard sport, 8 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,811 - here it's a cultural institution! - (crowd cheering) 9 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,564 All of Australia is excited to watch our best teenage athletes 10 00:00:22,564 --> 00:00:23,940 smack their balls around. 11 00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:26,276 - (laughs) - Heh-heh! You said it, Sugar Dave. 12 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:27,861 Teens love a good Handie! 13 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,156 And of course, this year, Dapto is giving out the Handies. 14 00:00:31,156 --> 00:00:32,699 Even though Dapto has the longest 15 00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,284 losing streak in Handies history. 16 00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:35,577 Fuckin' losers. 17 00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:37,078 Carn! You Dapto! 18 00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:38,747 Mom, you're acting like a bogan! 19 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,207 What's the point? Our team never wins anyway. 20 00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,001 You must have faith, young Liam! 21 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:45,920 Yes, we're humiliated year after fruitless year, 22 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:47,589 and yes, maybe the other towns 23 00:00:47,589 --> 00:00:49,716 have taken to calling us Dap-Toilet... 24 00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:51,801 ♪ Let's all take a shit ♪ 25 00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,054 ♪ On Dap toilet ♪ 26 00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:58,850 But remember: the underdog always has his day! Eventually. 27 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,479 Oh, bullshit! It's been decades since Dapto won! 28 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:05,023 This town is cursed, I tell you! 29 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:06,524 Cursed! 30 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:11,363 I just want to see us win once before I die... (gags) 31 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:13,365 But this year, we actually have a good team! 32 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,075 If we win, Dapto will finally not be 33 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,242 a dead-end town for losers. 34 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,620 I need this-- I mean, Dapto needs this! 35 00:01:18,620 --> 00:01:20,538 - (fanfare plays) - Look! Here they come! 36 00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,499 {\an8}DAZ: There's Team Dapto, looking 37 00:01:22,499 --> 00:01:24,834 {\an8}far more competent than usual. 38 00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:27,545 {\an8}Could this be the squad that turns things around? 39 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:28,880 Sarah Sportsday. 40 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:30,632 Second most powerful girl in school. 41 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,425 Beautiful and athletic. 42 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,594 How am I ever going to pass her? 43 00:01:34,594 --> 00:01:36,930 Aw, I think you're perfect the way you are, sweetheart. 44 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,432 But Daddy can fix it. Here, I got you a special lolly. 45 00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:40,850 Dad! I don't care about lollies! 46 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,061 I care about power and being a hot bitch. 47 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:45,438 Didn't know you could grow out of lollies. 48 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,691 (fanfare playing) 49 00:01:47,691 --> 00:01:50,694 This is going to be our year, Dapto! 50 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:53,571 (crowd gasps) 51 00:01:53,988 --> 00:01:56,574 DAZ: And it seems like the Dapto team 52 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,118 has incinerated itself. 53 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,161 I told you this town was shit. 54 00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:01,371 (burps) 55 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,498 (theme song playing) 56 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:30,150 {\an8}Koala Kode 460. 57 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,985 {\an8}Don't trust clowns. 58 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,320 {\an8}Especially the clowns in parliament. 59 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:37,157 {\an8}Yeah, that was a political one. 60 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,076 (crowd clamoring) 61 00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,870 {\an8}(indistinct chatter) 62 00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,581 {\an8}Settle, settle. I know everyone is upset. 63 00:02:44,581 --> 00:02:47,208 {\an8}We just have so little to root for here, Big Greg. 64 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,086 {\an8}We're the laughingstock of Australia! 65 00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,213 {\an8}I bet my fuckin' Mongoose BMX 66 00:02:52,213 --> 00:02:55,133 {\an8}that Dapto would win, you fuckin' dickhead! 67 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,886 {\an8}And someone stole my Mongoose bike! 68 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:00,722 {\an8}This is the worst day ever! 69 00:03:01,056 --> 00:03:03,558 {\an8}(laughs) You're goddamn right it is! 70 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,560 {\an8}- MAN: Huge Greg! - WOMAN: That's Big Greg's brother! 71 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:07,437 {\an8}MAN: He moved to Sydney and became a star! 72 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,981 {\an8}H.G., this is a "Dapto only" meeting. 73 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,316 {\an8}HG: As all of you know, 74 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,109 {\an8}between rooting supermodels 75 00:03:13,109 --> 00:03:14,903 {\an8}and my televisual work, 76 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:17,697 {\an8}I coach the Sydney handball team! 77 00:03:17,697 --> 00:03:19,532 {\an8}Meet the Bigsmoke Twins. 78 00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:22,410 {\an8}Greatest handball players in the world. 79 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,496 We were looking forward to humiliating 80 00:03:24,496 --> 00:03:27,624 each and every one of you Daptonians. 81 00:03:27,916 --> 00:03:29,918 But your team went up in smoke. 82 00:03:29,918 --> 00:03:31,711 Ha-ha, they died. 83 00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:34,547 - (gasping) - Wait! I have something to say. 84 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,384 - (attendees booing) - Oh, boo all you like. 85 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:40,178 I am immune to your jeers for my heart is pure. 86 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,805 And clearly none of you have consulted 87 00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:43,139 the official Handies rule book. 88 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:46,768 "In the case of a sudden and improbable team death, 89 00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:50,188 the city shall have 24 hours to field a new team." 90 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:51,773 But where are we gonna get a new team?! 91 00:03:51,773 --> 00:03:53,024 I shall coach a new team! 92 00:03:53,024 --> 00:03:54,150 Don't be ridiculous. 93 00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,111 I'm obviously going to coach the team. 94 00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:58,530 Oh, is Little Greg going to coach the team 95 00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,448 in the little town he stayed in 96 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,076 because he couldn't make it in the big city? 97 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,662 - Shut up! -Pfft! Did your voice just crack? 98 00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:09,499 Big Greg? More like the biggest cum rag in Fap-to. 99 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,376 (Big Greg sobbing) 100 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,752 Heh heh heh! 101 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:16,131 See you tossers on the field. 102 00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:20,468 So I guess that settles it, I'm coaching the team. 103 00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:22,303 (crowd boos) 104 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,101 Kevin, are you sure you're up to coaching the team? 105 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:29,769 I'm the only one who can, Vicky. 106 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,271 I have to stand up for Dapto. 107 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,480 For our children. 108 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,982 Especially Alison. 109 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:36,317 Sometimes I get the feeling she doesn't like me anymore. 110 00:04:36,317 --> 00:04:39,821 Aw, Kevin. She loves you. Alison's just growing up. 111 00:04:39,821 --> 00:04:42,365 Oh, I get it now. Yes, menstruation. 112 00:04:42,365 --> 00:04:44,534 Yes, the female period. I get it now. 113 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:47,495 Well... yes... but it's more than that. 114 00:04:47,495 --> 00:04:49,581 She's going through a lot of changes right now 115 00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:50,915 and you need to accept those changes 116 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:52,375 no matter how scary they are. 117 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:53,501 Maybe you should try 118 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:55,128 spending some quality time with her. 119 00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,463 (sighs) You're right. 120 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,630 After the Handies, 121 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,966 if I'm not too busy eradicating evil, 122 00:04:59,966 --> 00:05:01,384 maybe we can... 123 00:05:01,384 --> 00:05:02,844 go to the playground or something. 124 00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:04,137 I don't know what she likes to do. 125 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,555 (cow bell jangling) 126 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,474 It's so unfair! (sobbing) 127 00:05:07,474 --> 00:05:08,933 Why? 128 00:05:08,933 --> 00:05:12,145 She was the only good athlete 129 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,565 in this entire school! 130 00:05:15,565 --> 00:05:16,775 This is bullshit. 131 00:05:16,775 --> 00:05:18,401 Sarah Sportsday is more popular 132 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,986 in death than she was in life! 133 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,988 This is Miss Sausage Roll all over again. 134 00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:23,948 - (mic feeding back) - Attention, students. 135 00:05:23,948 --> 00:05:26,868 As you know, I am the self-appointed coach 136 00:05:26,868 --> 00:05:28,787 of the new Dapto handball team. 137 00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:30,830 I've written this rousing sports anthem 138 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,874 to invigorate your adolescent spirits 139 00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:34,417 and inspire you to try out! 140 00:05:34,417 --> 00:05:35,669 Oh, my God. 141 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,004 ♪ Teamwork and fair play ♪ 142 00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:40,256 ♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪ 143 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,591 ♪ G'day, g'day-- ♪ 144 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:43,093 Hang on. Hang on a sec. 145 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,803 This bloody G string. 146 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,514 Always going out of tune... 147 00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:48,765 Just a minute. 148 00:05:50,141 --> 00:05:52,727 Why don't you go home, ya pedo?! 149 00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,107 Uggh! 150 00:05:57,482 --> 00:05:59,067 Hey, that was... 151 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,193 Pretty good. 152 00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:02,195 The trials are over before they've begun! 153 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:05,573 Alison and Liam Williams, I choose you! 154 00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:06,908 I don't know who you are, of course, 155 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,743 you're just some kids I've just met, 156 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:12,038 but you're very skilled, so yep, you're the ones. 157 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,998 (softly) How's that for some quality time? 158 00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:15,333 - Goody! - Wait a minute. 159 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:17,502 No way! Are you out of your mind-- 160 00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:21,506 It's good-- It's good of you to-- It's good of you... 161 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:25,510 It's good of you to do this, Alison. For Sarah. 162 00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,554 - (cheering) - WOMEN: Do it, Alison! 163 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,763 Yeah, go, Alison! 164 00:06:28,763 --> 00:06:30,140 For Sarah. 165 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:35,770 DAZ: And welcome back to the Handball Olympics, 166 00:06:35,770 --> 00:06:40,275 as Adelaide faces off against humiliated hosts, Dapto, 167 00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:42,861 who have a brand-new and somewhat mediocre-looking team! 168 00:06:42,861 --> 00:06:45,697 And it's pretty hard to look mediocre against Adelaide! 169 00:06:45,905 --> 00:06:48,074 - (laughing) - My dad's from Adelaide. 170 00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,201 - Aw, sorry. - Nah, just be careful what you say. 171 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,954 Alison! Liam! Inspiration! 172 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,789 Stop shouting "Inspiration!" 173 00:06:54,789 --> 00:06:57,083 Please stop fighting! 174 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:59,586 SUGAR DAVE: And there it is, Adelaide wins! 175 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:01,087 (Alison snarls) 176 00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,048 She's just going through changes. 177 00:07:03,048 --> 00:07:04,716 Shedding her uterine lining and all that. 178 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:05,717 Aw, dammit! 179 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,885 Bloody hell, Vicky. 180 00:07:06,885 --> 00:07:08,845 I didn't know you were such a sports fan! 181 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:12,223 (sighs) I'm not normally, but that's my team! And my kids! 182 00:07:12,223 --> 00:07:14,017 They're getting humiliated. 183 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,977 Maybe this town really is cursed. 184 00:07:15,977 --> 00:07:17,979 Well, yeah, Dapto is cursed. 185 00:07:17,979 --> 00:07:19,689 Literally. It's actually cursed. 186 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:20,899 What are you talking about? 187 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:22,025 You don't know 188 00:07:22,025 --> 00:07:25,028 the legend of the Dapto Sick Sunnies? 189 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:27,072 A long time ago... 190 00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,448 or some shit... 191 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:32,202 the earth was a sea of rock and fire. 192 00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:35,080 Deep in the subterranean bowels, 193 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,208 pitiful beasts harvested rare metals 194 00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:40,460 for their mighty masters, 195 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,587 the Gods of Dapto. 196 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,422 From the sacred steel, 197 00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:48,134 they forged a luck charm of unrivaled power. 198 00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:50,553 The Sick Sunnies of Dapto. 199 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,389 Sick! 200 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,474 They say the Sick Sunnies gave Dapto 201 00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,810 good luck for hundreds of years. 202 00:07:56,810 --> 00:08:00,438 Sadly, some cunt broke them when he sat on them in his car. 203 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,316 And Dapto's been cursed ever since. 204 00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,985 Haven't you ever wondered why things are so shit here? 205 00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,780 So we're all screwed? Forever? 206 00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,240 Maybe I should just hit up 207 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,200 the Gods of Dapto for another pair? 208 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:13,702 You know the Gods of Dapto?! 209 00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:15,120 Aw, shit, yeah. 210 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:17,080 Used to rage with them back in the '90s. 211 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,458 They still hang out at the top of Mt. Kiera as far as I know. 212 00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:24,170 DAZ: And the Dapto team is falling apart at the seams. 213 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,672 SUGAR DAVE: Aw, gee whiz, 214 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,591 looks like nobody can end Dapto's losing streak! 215 00:08:28,591 --> 00:08:29,926 I can. 216 00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:34,305 Janine, let's go get those sunnies! 217 00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:36,891 Why did I agree to do this? 218 00:08:36,891 --> 00:08:38,518 I thought it'd be easier to coast off 219 00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,020 Sarah Sportsday getting barbecued, 220 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,229 but we got destroyed. 221 00:08:41,229 --> 00:08:43,023 We did our best, and I love 222 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,315 that we're wearing matching outfits. 223 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:45,859 Liam, you don't understand. 224 00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,902 If we don't win it all, everything I've worked for 225 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,988 to become the most powerful girl at school will be ruined. 226 00:08:49,988 --> 00:08:51,823 If only Dad wasn't such a weak coach. 227 00:08:51,823 --> 00:08:53,700 Who wants orange slices?! 228 00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,785 I suspect the natural power of vitamin C 229 00:08:55,785 --> 00:08:57,454 might be just what you two need! 230 00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:00,165 Caught your match out there, mate. Brutal. 231 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,667 The kids are shit, and you're even shitter. 232 00:09:02,667 --> 00:09:04,878 One more loss, and you're out of the tournament. 233 00:09:04,878 --> 00:09:07,797 I'd like to not-so-kindly ask you to leave 234 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,716 our locker room, Huge Greg. 235 00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:10,633 Look, mate. 236 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,177 No, you look, mate! 237 00:09:12,177 --> 00:09:13,970 - No, you look, mate! - No, no, no. 238 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,013 You look, mate! 239 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:16,389 No, you look, mate! 240 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:17,807 - (tray clatters) - See that, kids? 241 00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:20,935 That's how you pwn a manlet. (laughing) 242 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,020 Joke's on you, 243 00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:24,647 I have many more oranges I can cut! 244 00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:27,525 Liam, you still blindly worship me, don't you? 245 00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:29,152 - Of course, Dad. - Good, good. 246 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,529 If only your sister felt the same way... 247 00:09:31,529 --> 00:09:32,989 We need to talk. 248 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:34,407 Huge Greg? 249 00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,993 No, just regular Big Greg. 250 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,037 (snorts) What do you want, little bitch Greg? 251 00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:41,247 Listen, girlie, you want to win, don't you? 252 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:43,249 We both know Koala Man's shithouse. 253 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,210 Yeah, all he can do is give us orange slices 254 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,878 and go on about their natural power. 255 00:09:46,878 --> 00:09:49,798 What you need is unnatural power. 256 00:09:49,798 --> 00:09:51,758 (ominous music playing) 257 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:58,807 - (crowd cheering) - ♪ Let's go, Dapto! ♪ 258 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:02,644 Remember, a moral victory is almost as good as a real one. 259 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,145 No matter what happens, 260 00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:06,314 I'm proud to be your partner, Alison! 261 00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:07,273 (snarling) 262 00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,234 Out of the way, human! 263 00:10:11,695 --> 00:10:13,655 - Whoa! - (snarling) 264 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,490 Carn, Dapto! 265 00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:18,493 A tremendous serve by Alison Williams! 266 00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:21,830 Could it be that Dapto has found their second wind? 267 00:10:21,830 --> 00:10:23,790 I honestly have no idea. 268 00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:26,501 I'm so fucking drunk right now. 269 00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:28,670 It's working! The vitamin C! 270 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,296 You got this, Alison! 271 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,132 (snarling) 272 00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:36,761 Uh, Alison? What did you do? 273 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:39,180 - (Alison snarling) - Well done, Alison! 274 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:40,807 (snarls) 275 00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,393 These changes happen so fast. 276 00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:46,187 Babies, to girls, to women. 277 00:10:47,731 --> 00:10:49,149 (Vicky straining) 278 00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,485 This is the realm of the gods? 279 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,695 (distant dogs barking) 280 00:10:53,695 --> 00:10:55,321 They've cleaned it up a bit. 281 00:10:55,321 --> 00:10:57,449 Let me introduce you! 282 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,659 That's the God of Fire, the God of Good Health, 283 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,494 and there's the God of Popping Down the Shops. 284 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:03,538 - Youse need anything from the shops? - JANINE: And there's 285 00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,331 God of Always Has a Guitar at a Party. 286 00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,500 This one's about the prime minister. 287 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,545 ♪ Fuck the prime minister ♪ 288 00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:12,005 ♪ He's a cunt ♪ 289 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,340 They're all top blokes. 290 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,925 Oh! There's the God of Fancy Seeing You Here! 291 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:19,220 Neenie! Fancy seeing you here! 292 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,557 Hey, Janine, do a buckety for old times' sake!!! 293 00:11:22,557 --> 00:11:24,309 Oh. What are you the god of? 294 00:11:24,309 --> 00:11:26,770 I'm the God of Just Fuckin' Do It! 295 00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:29,147 I don't give a fuck! Ugggh! 296 00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:32,734 Oh, yeah? Why not? 297 00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:35,028 Janine, don't go too hard. 298 00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,906 We have to get those sunnies, or Dapto's got no chance. 299 00:11:37,906 --> 00:11:39,491 Relax, Vick, 300 00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:42,035 I'm legendary at handling me shit. 301 00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:43,161 ♪ Buckety Neen! ♪ 302 00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:45,372 ALL: ♪ Buckety Neen! ♪ 303 00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,248 ♪ Buckety Neen! ♪ 304 00:11:47,248 --> 00:11:49,542 - (cheering) - Yeah-eah! 305 00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:51,044 - Oh, Nina! - Unbelievable! 306 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:53,171 Fuuuuuuuuuuck! (echoing) 307 00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,340 I'm trapped in a thought loop. 308 00:11:57,801 --> 00:12:00,136 Dad, I need to tell you something. 309 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:01,638 I'm sorry, Liam. No time to chat. 310 00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:03,932 The finals start any minute, and since healthy fruits 311 00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:05,475 have been putting pep in your step, 312 00:12:05,475 --> 00:12:07,686 I'm making you both smoothies! 313 00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:08,937 It's about Alison. 314 00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:11,481 Haven't you noticed anything... strange? 315 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,483 Strange? Ah, Liam, 316 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:15,276 I think I know what you're getting at. 317 00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,695 Yes, it is "strange," 318 00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:19,364 but it is also a perfectly natural part of life. 319 00:12:19,364 --> 00:12:21,449 Girls mature faster than boys. 320 00:12:21,449 --> 00:12:24,160 Even though she's your twin, you're feeling left behind. 321 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,495 Oh... uh... 322 00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,956 I was talking about the fact she's a dingo now. 323 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:30,875 (snarling) 324 00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:34,587 Ah. I admit that she's been acting a little feral of late. 325 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,214 But your mother said I have to accept 326 00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:37,632 the changes she's going through. 327 00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:39,634 Dad, I think Alison has been using 328 00:12:39,634 --> 00:12:41,302 performance enhancing drugs. 329 00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:43,888 Such an accusation! You have any proof? 330 00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:48,435 (gasps) Those aren't tampons at all! 331 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,270 (hands clapping slowly) 332 00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:52,981 Congratulations, Liam. You figured it out. 333 00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,774 Big Greg, is this true?! 334 00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,860 This is... this is un-Australian! 335 00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,904 (chuckles) You know nothing, Koala Man. 336 00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:01,740 Australia's been dabbling in 337 00:13:01,740 --> 00:13:03,825 human-animal hybrids for years. 338 00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,702 You see, back in 2000, 339 00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:08,079 Australia was hosting the Olympics, 340 00:13:08,079 --> 00:13:10,206 and we needed an edge. 341 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,833 Huge Greg and I worked 342 00:13:11,833 --> 00:13:13,668 for Australia's secret performance-enhancing 343 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:15,045 gene program. 344 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,796 We caught the finest animal 345 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,298 - specimens we could find. - (bird squawks) 346 00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:21,009 We spliced the animal DNA into human athletes, 347 00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,553 creating hybrid super-sportspeople. 348 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,681 Nonsense! That was the year Ian Thorpe won three gold medals! 349 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,350 And he won them fair and square! 350 00:13:28,350 --> 00:13:30,685 Are you sure about that? 351 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:32,645 KOALA MAN: Yeah, that's our Thorpedo. 352 00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,605 Look at him go. 353 00:13:33,605 --> 00:13:36,316 Look closer, Koala Man. 354 00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:38,318 My God. 355 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,904 Ian Thorpe was a shark the whole time?! 356 00:13:40,904 --> 00:13:42,572 It was the perfect plan. 357 00:13:42,572 --> 00:13:45,158 But everything changed one day when me and H.G. 358 00:13:45,158 --> 00:13:48,745 caught the most beautiful fish we had ever seen. 359 00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:50,705 Her name was Tanya, and I fell 360 00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:51,915 madly in love with her. 361 00:13:51,915 --> 00:13:53,750 I couldn't let them experiment on her, 362 00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:55,126 so we planned to run away together 363 00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:57,087 and start a flower shop in Tasmania. 364 00:13:57,087 --> 00:14:00,090 But H.G. caught us in the act of physical love. 365 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:02,467 He completely lost his shit from jealousy 366 00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,386 and called me all sorts of names: 367 00:14:04,386 --> 00:14:08,181 sea-dick, aquarium-man, fish-fingerer. 368 00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,600 We had a massive punch-up and the whole lab exploded... 369 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,935 (explosion) 370 00:14:11,935 --> 00:14:14,270 I lost Tanya to the fire. 371 00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:16,606 I swore I would never use the manimal ooze again, 372 00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:20,068 but Alison was game and I must have my revenge! 373 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:21,861 This is not on, Big Greg, not on! 374 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,655 We can't let Huge Greg win! 375 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:25,448 I can turn Alison back after. 376 00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:28,076 Forget it. I'm going to forfeit the match right now. 377 00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,954 And then you'll turn her back or so help me... 378 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:32,080 (snarls) 379 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,873 (Liam gasps) 380 00:14:34,666 --> 00:14:36,418 (coughing) 381 00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,296 Who am I kidding? 382 00:14:40,296 --> 00:14:41,881 I can't save Dapto. 383 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,510 Oh, hi. Rough night? 384 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:46,928 Is it that obvious? 385 00:14:46,928 --> 00:14:48,638 Here, have a glass of Merlot, 386 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,807 and just tell me what's on your mind. 387 00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:52,267 Oh, thanks, 388 00:14:52,267 --> 00:14:54,144 but I'm not going to pour my heart out to a stranger. 389 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,937 Oh, come on, it's not a real party 390 00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,897 without a deep and meaningful convo. 391 00:14:58,690 --> 00:14:59,774 So, who are you, 392 00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:01,901 the God of... Cheese Platters? (giggles) 393 00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:05,071 (laughs) Actually, I'm the God of Realizing Your Potential. 394 00:15:05,071 --> 00:15:06,156 But enough about me. 395 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,282 Tell me about you. 396 00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:11,619 Oh! No one's asked me about me in years... 397 00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,164 Well, where to begin? 398 00:15:19,210 --> 00:15:21,921 Umpire! I have an announcement! 399 00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:23,757 Koala Man! Don't do it! 400 00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:25,925 Well, well, well! 401 00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,636 Didn't think you Daptonians had it in ya. 402 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:29,929 Huge Greg, please. 403 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,140 I've only just been made aware of the situation, 404 00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:33,350 and I'm taking steps to-- 405 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,185 Relax, Koala Cock. 406 00:15:35,518 --> 00:15:37,228 I'm not gonna rat you out. 407 00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,731 I salute you, baby brother. 408 00:15:39,731 --> 00:15:42,484 I thought all the fight had gone out. 409 00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:45,111 Maybe if you'd shown some of this spunk earlier, 410 00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,571 you'd still have Tanya. 411 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,115 Take her beautiful name out of your disgusting mouth, 412 00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,492 you son-of-a-bitch! 413 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,994 Since you thought you could get tricky with me, 414 00:15:52,994 --> 00:15:55,747 I thought I'd give you a taste of your own medicine. 415 00:15:55,747 --> 00:15:58,083 Did you really think you were the only one 416 00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:01,086 to escape the lab with the manimal ooze? 417 00:16:01,086 --> 00:16:03,254 DAZ: And moving on to center court, 418 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,674 we have the reigning champions from Sydney... 419 00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:08,426 - The Bigsmoke Twins! - (thunder crashes) 420 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,513 (crashing) 421 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:15,308 (feet pounding) 422 00:16:16,518 --> 00:16:19,270 Uh... they don't look like twins to me. 423 00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:21,815 Let's play handball! 424 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,858 (screeching) 425 00:16:28,738 --> 00:16:30,573 (creatures snarling) 426 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:34,703 (roaring, snarling) 427 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,913 Come on, Koala Man. Let's juice Liam up. 428 00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:38,498 Turn him into a croc or something! 429 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:41,835 No! You've gone too far, Big Greg. Turn Alison back. 430 00:16:41,835 --> 00:16:43,211 I'm sorry, Koala Man. 431 00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:45,964 I was lying. The antidote was lost in the fire. 432 00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:47,882 She's gonna be a dingo forever. 433 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:51,720 Right. Then I'll just have to have a chat with her myself. 434 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,930 (snarling) 435 00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:56,266 Let her go, son. 436 00:16:59,811 --> 00:17:02,272 Alison, it's me... your dad. 437 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,692 Look, I know I got you wrapped up in this handball stuff, 438 00:17:05,692 --> 00:17:06,735 but I just wanted to share 439 00:17:06,735 --> 00:17:08,945 - some quality time with you. - (snarls) 440 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:11,239 I thought winning the Handies would bring us together. 441 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,116 But I can see now that you're growing up. 442 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:14,367 You're changing. 443 00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,619 Yesterday, you were lollies and dollies, 444 00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:18,121 today you're a dingo. 445 00:17:18,121 --> 00:17:20,290 It all goes by so fast. 446 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,542 I know it's not easy having me as a father, 447 00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,294 but I can tell you this much: 448 00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:26,629 there's no one I'd rather have for a daughter. 449 00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:29,758 So if you have to rip my throat out, so be it. 450 00:17:29,758 --> 00:17:31,509 (roars) 451 00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,433 Correct me if I'm wrong, Daz, but it seems Dingo-Alison 452 00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:41,227 has turned human again thanks to the power of a hug. 453 00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:45,440 Indeed she has, though that touching hug was with her coach, 454 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,942 so we will be forced to file a grievance 455 00:17:47,942 --> 00:17:51,029 with the handball authorities and investigate this further. 456 00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:53,573 Dad... I didn't know you felt that way. 457 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:56,618 Sorry if I give you a hard time for being kind of crazy or whatever. 458 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:59,204 That's okay, dear. That's what dads are for. 459 00:17:59,204 --> 00:18:00,413 Enough talk! 460 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,749 Your choices are: you play and we kill you, 461 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,167 or you forfeit. 462 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,379 Either way, a huge win for Huge Greg! 463 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:09,756 I don't think so, Huge Greg. 464 00:18:10,423 --> 00:18:12,133 Let's play. 465 00:18:12,133 --> 00:18:14,678 We're going to win the game, Koala Man! 466 00:18:14,678 --> 00:18:16,388 Using fair play and skill! 467 00:18:16,388 --> 00:18:19,307 No! I can't allow this. You'll be eaten alive! 468 00:18:19,307 --> 00:18:22,435 (roaring) 469 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:26,606 Then I guess my first Handies will be my last. 470 00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:33,029 I don't know why I wanted Dapto to win so badly. 471 00:18:33,029 --> 00:18:36,282 I guess, if I'm being honest, when your team brings in a win, 472 00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,702 well, it feels like a win for you too. 473 00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:41,746 And I haven't had very many of those in the last few years. 474 00:18:41,746 --> 00:18:44,874 But maybe it doesn't matter anyways since Dapto is cursed. 475 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,293 Vicky, we all feel cursed sometimes. 476 00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:48,837 But the "curse" is so often 477 00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:51,172 a metaphor for reckoning honestly with our own... 478 00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:52,757 disappointments. 479 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:55,385 But we have the power to break the cycle. 480 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,721 We just have to be brave enough to try. 481 00:18:57,721 --> 00:19:00,807 I'm trying to be brave. That's why I came here. 482 00:19:00,807 --> 00:19:03,435 But I feel so stuck in my life. 483 00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:06,396 Maybe... maybe it's too late. 484 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,189 Darling, it's never too late. 485 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:11,526 A beautiful woman like you has plenty of options. 486 00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:14,863 (romantic music rising) 487 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,329 No. I shouldn't. 488 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,498 You're wonderful, but... 489 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,083 I can't do that to Kevin. 490 00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:28,460 Go to him, Vicky. 491 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:32,213 But promise me something: you'll realize your potential. 492 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,133 And, if it doesn't work out with Kevin, 493 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,968 I'm just a mountain climb away. 494 00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,220 I'll never forget you. 495 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:42,557 Ahhh. Fuckin' sun. 496 00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:43,933 Sick. 497 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:46,061 Oi, you! Where'd you get those sunglasses? 498 00:19:46,061 --> 00:19:49,647 I dunno, we got them made for our New Year's party. 499 00:19:49,647 --> 00:19:50,732 Can I please have them? 500 00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:52,609 I'm on a quest of town significance. 501 00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:54,819 Piss off, these are mine. 502 00:19:54,819 --> 00:19:57,113 There's a box of them over there, though. 503 00:19:57,113 --> 00:19:59,616 (gasps) A whole box?! 504 00:19:59,616 --> 00:20:01,951 - (creatures snarling) - (crowd cheering) 505 00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:08,583 This is it. This is the moment we've been waiting for. 506 00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:10,043 The next point wins... 507 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:12,796 How are they doing this?! Just eat them already! 508 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:15,882 - (octopus snarling) - No, no, no, no, no! Oh, my God! 509 00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,717 Wait! This is not a legitimate strategy! 510 00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:19,344 - Eat him too! - (octopus snarls) 511 00:20:19,552 --> 00:20:20,887 DAZ: Good gracious, it seems 512 00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,597 Dapto has finally run out of luck! 513 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:24,057 (roaring) 514 00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,434 SUGAR DAVE: Only a miracle could save them now! 515 00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:27,686 VICKY: Wait! 516 00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,230 (thunder crashing) 517 00:20:32,315 --> 00:20:34,109 (crowd groans) 518 00:20:36,778 --> 00:20:39,197 (roaring) 519 00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:41,825 Sick Sunnies for everyone! 520 00:20:45,870 --> 00:20:47,080 Sick! 521 00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:49,416 BOTH: Sick! 522 00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,668 ALL: Sick! 523 00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,003 Sick! 524 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,261 (shrieking) 525 00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:03,805 No! My manimals! 526 00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,932 SUGAR DAVE: Oh, I don't bloody believe it! 527 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:09,519 Dapto wins! 528 00:21:09,519 --> 00:21:13,732 The curse is lifted... or some shit. 529 00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:18,361 Sick. 530 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,699 Well, well, well, who's the biggest cum rag now? 531 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:23,783 It's you! 532 00:21:24,242 --> 00:21:26,661 You're still the number one Greg to me, baby. 533 00:21:26,661 --> 00:21:28,913 And you're huge all over. 534 00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:32,125 Tanya? It can't be. I thought you were dead! 535 00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,293 She is... 536 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:35,253 drop dead sexy. 537 00:21:35,420 --> 00:21:36,713 (slobbering) 538 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:38,340 Aw, yeah... 539 00:21:38,340 --> 00:21:39,758 Mmm, mmm... 540 00:21:39,758 --> 00:21:41,718 Tanya! Why? 541 00:21:41,718 --> 00:21:43,720 I never loved you, Big Greg. 542 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,890 I was just using you to make Huge Greg jealous. 543 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,266 I faked my death that night 544 00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:50,352 so I wouldn't have to break up with you. 545 00:21:50,352 --> 00:21:53,688 - (babies whining) - G'day, little champions. 546 00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:56,024 Ciao for now, suck-hole. 547 00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:57,901 And don't feel bad about Tanya. 548 00:21:57,901 --> 00:21:59,569 You know what they say, 549 00:21:59,569 --> 00:22:01,529 there are plenty of fish in the sea. 550 00:22:01,529 --> 00:22:02,572 Heh-heh-heh. 551 00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:05,116 Not for me. 552 00:22:05,909 --> 00:22:08,161 (fanfare playing) 553 00:22:08,161 --> 00:22:11,664 I'm so glad Dad's love turned you human again, Alison. 554 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,793 Ew, no. I turned back because I knew I'd be even more popular 555 00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,670 if I overcame the adversity of being a dingo. 556 00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:17,962 Noooo. 557 00:22:17,962 --> 00:22:21,257 - ♪ You love Daaaad ♪ - Shut up! 558 00:22:21,257 --> 00:22:24,219 (sighs) I guess I didn't have what it took to be a great coach. 559 00:22:24,219 --> 00:22:27,013 But you did have what it took to be a pretty good dad, though. 560 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:28,556 How was your trip to Mt. Kiera? 561 00:22:28,556 --> 00:22:31,393 Oh, it turns out I have options. 562 00:22:31,393 --> 00:22:33,645 Oh. Well, that's nice. You know, Vicky, 563 00:22:33,645 --> 00:22:36,523 I think things are really turning around in Dapto. 564 00:22:36,523 --> 00:22:39,025 I've got a good feeling about the future. 565 00:22:41,945 --> 00:22:45,824 (softly) And now I have the DNA ooze. 566 00:22:45,824 --> 00:22:48,243 The Kookaburra! 567 00:22:48,243 --> 00:22:52,956 (laughing hysterically) 568 00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:55,959 (theme song playing) 569 00:23:31,494 --> 00:23:34,497 Captioned by Point.360