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Every now and again,
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00:00:03,962 --> 00:00:09,175
the memories come flooding back
to the day I changed the world.
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00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:12,846
Father, have you heard any news
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00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,472
of the Titanic's maiden voyage?
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00:00:14,472 --> 00:00:16,057
"The unsinkable ship" they call it!
6
00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,976
I sure hope it arrives safely in America.
7
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:21,021
Extry extry! The Titanic has sunk!
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1,500 dead in freak accident!
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00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,983
All those innocent people!
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00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:27,235
If only there was something
we could have done to save them.
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00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,904
If not for the Red Hot Rule, we could...
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00:00:29,904 --> 00:00:31,197
The Red Hot Rule?
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00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,533
Maxwell, did you know
that being in Australia,
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00:00:33,533 --> 00:00:36,119
we're actually 15 hours ahead of the USA?
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You mean, we're in the future?
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00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:41,082
Yes. Right now, in the Atlantic,
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00:00:41,082 --> 00:00:42,834
the Titanic has yet to sink.
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00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,086
In fact, if you were to call and warn 'em,
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00:00:45,086 --> 00:00:48,214
they'd probably have about...
five minutes to prepare.
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00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,632
But we Australians have sworn
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00:00:49,632 --> 00:00:51,634
to never interfere with the flow of time.
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Violating the Red Hot Rule
is our greatest crime.
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Do you understand, Maxwell?
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00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,682
Maxwell!
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Nooo!
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Sir! It's a telegram
from the Australian future!
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00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,273
It says: "G'day mate. Stop."
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00:01:05,273 --> 00:01:07,192
"Cobba, ya ship's about to crash."
29
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:10,403
"Stop. You have five minutes,
I reckon. Stop."
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00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:12,864
Crash? Why would we crash
in the next five minutes?
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00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:14,866
We've already noticed
that iceberg over there.
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What could possibly put us
in such unexpected danger?
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I don't know, sir.
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00:01:18,828 --> 00:01:20,455
But maybe we should hold off on opening
35
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:21,831
this cursed sarcophagus?
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00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:23,958
Ah. Yeah, I suppose you're right.
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Take it back down to cargo,
38
00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:27,962
and send Australia our thanks
for changing history, will you?
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00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,215
Father! I did it! I saved--
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00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,550
Oh! Father?
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00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:34,386
Take him away, Time Bobbies.
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00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:37,222
I have no son.
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00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:40,016
I should have
listened to my father.
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00:01:40,016 --> 00:01:42,644
How was I supposed to know about...
45
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:43,937
her?
46
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:48,525
♪ Hello, everybody ♪
47
00:01:48,525 --> 00:01:52,696
♪ I have come to take you back with me ♪
48
00:01:52,696 --> 00:01:56,658
{\an8}♪ To a land of liberty... ♪
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00:01:58,159 --> 00:01:59,911
She joined the army,
50
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:03,206
led America to victory in two World Wars,
51
00:02:03,373 --> 00:02:06,710
and eventually was sworn in
as President Mummy...
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00:02:06,710 --> 00:02:09,337
One day, when signing a peace deal,
53
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:13,591
she fell in love with
that commie bastard Brezhnev.
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They both abandoned their people
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for a quiet life on the moon,
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which left the world in chaos.
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00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,976
Soon after, the bombs started flying
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and America became a toxic wasteland,
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00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,147
except for Hollywood,
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which broke off
and became a floating island.
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00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:33,236
But I know the Americans
are still out there,
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biding their time.
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Waiting for the perfect moment to strike!
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00:02:38,450 --> 00:02:40,326
Oooh!
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00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:45,165
And that's how I fucked up the future.
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00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,153
{\an8}Koala Kode 2,040.
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00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:21,201
{\an8}if it doesn't have
a collar, it's not a shirt.
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00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,871
{\an8}I never realized
how amazing Americans are!
69
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,289
Chad Wagon says every meal comes with
70
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,624
{\an8}a side dish of freedom!
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00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,125
{\an8}Totally awesome sauce.
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00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,127
Liam, please. I only wanted to come
73
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:34,089
to this ridiculous novelty
restaurant for your twin birthdays
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00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,925
{\an8}because I thought seeing how
America's lawless attitudes
75
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,259
{\an8}drove them to destruction
76
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,178
would serve as a cautionary tale.
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00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:41,680
It's working. This birthday sucks.
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00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,972
{\an8}Your plan backfired, Dad!
79
00:03:42,972 --> 00:03:44,849
Now I see how boring Australians are!
80
00:03:44,849 --> 00:03:47,686
{\an8}All we care about is footy
or sharks or whatever.
81
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:49,979
{\an8}Chad Wagon says Americans
solve most of their problems
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00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,856
{\an8}through illegal street racing.
83
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,858
I wish I were American...
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00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,485
{\an8}America blew itself up!
85
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:56,986
That's why all the Americans have come
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00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,446
{\an8}here to a sensible country!
87
00:03:58,446 --> 00:04:00,407
{\an8}Hey, everyone, ah...
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00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,283
this is, uh... a robbery.
89
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:03,743
We're fuckin' robbin' youse.
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00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,037
Yeah, give us ya cash or like...
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00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:09,082
we'll fuckin' shank ya or some shit.
92
00:04:09,082 --> 00:04:10,625
Kevin, do something!
93
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,128
Yes, I'd say this is a job for Koala Man--
94
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:25,640
Oh, my god, it's Chad Wagon!
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00:04:32,355 --> 00:04:34,441
♪ Out on the run, under the gun ♪
96
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:36,276
He's perfect.
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00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,861
I would have gotten here sooner,
98
00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:40,739
but parking, am I right, bro?
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00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:45,243
♪ Raise your hands
when you wanna let it go... ♪
100
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,037
Can you pretty please teach me
how to be a fun,
101
00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:48,329
freedom-loving American?
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00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:49,831
I don't know. Do you have what it takes
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00:04:49,831 --> 00:04:52,125
to be "mi familia"?
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00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,169
- Mi familia?
-Mi familia.
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The family you create
when your real family
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00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:57,339
won't accept you for who you are.
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00:04:57,756 --> 00:04:59,382
Actually, Liam already has
a very accepting
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00:04:59,382 --> 00:05:00,759
and Australian family.
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00:05:00,759 --> 00:05:02,010
He doesn't need to be infected
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00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,261
with your American ideas.
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00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:04,929
Dude, I wouldn't listen to this guy.
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00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:07,015
He looks about 5' 7", max.
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00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:09,100
See ya around, bro.
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00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,651
Quiet down, you lot.
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00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:20,362
Big Greg has big news.
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I've just received word
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00:05:21,571 --> 00:05:24,032
that the Queen herself is coming to Dapto.
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Anyone wanna volunteer
for the absolute dog shit job
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00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,370
of keeping Her Majesty safe?
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00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,121
Oh, I do! Me-me-me! Me!
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00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,290
I have it on good authority
that Dapto's handsome
122
00:05:32,290 --> 00:05:33,750
and virile superhero, Koala Man,
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00:05:33,750 --> 00:05:35,126
would also like to be involved,
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00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:37,128
uh, perhaps as a means
of demonstrating to his son
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00:05:37,128 --> 00:05:38,546
just how cool Australians can be.
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00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,799
Yeah, yeah, don't care. One more thing--
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00:05:40,799 --> 00:05:43,218
'cause there is fuck all
to do in this wonderful town,
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00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,470
we'll be bringing forward
the Miss Sausage Roll Pageant
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00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:46,971
so the Queen can crown the winner.
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00:05:46,971 --> 00:05:48,640
Now, I know that this is last minute,
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00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,433
but I'm sure we can find some desperate,
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00:05:50,433 --> 00:05:51,935
psychotic, unpopular losers
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00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:53,478
who want to be Miss Sausage Roll.
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00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,481
Mum, I'm entering Miss Sausage Roll.
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00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:58,483
But I need you to buy me a new swimsuit!
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00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:01,027
I got my eye on this one,
it barely covers tit and slit.
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00:06:01,027 --> 00:06:03,071
Language! And I forbid you from entering.
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00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,700
But, Muuum, if I win,
I get to meet the Queen!
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00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,702
Not even Rosie Yodels has met the Queen!
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I said no!
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00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,579
You don't understand.
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00:06:11,579 --> 00:06:13,957
You've been a solid five your entire life.
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00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:15,667
Oh, have I?
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00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:18,795
Mum?! You were hot?
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00:06:18,795 --> 00:06:20,797
I went after the
Miss Sausage Roll crown
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00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,965
with everything I had.
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00:06:21,965 --> 00:06:23,466
And I lost.
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00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,344
All because of Saucy Simmons.
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00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:28,805
Sure, she had a natural advantage,
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00:06:28,805 --> 00:06:31,349
{\an8}seeing as she was
a sausage roll, but I figured,
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00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:34,060
{\an8}a naïve little pastry
from the burbs wasn't a threat.
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But during the finals,
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00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,313
Saucy poured a bottle of vegetable oil
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all over herself
as she did the Sausage Strut.
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00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:43,611
I slipped on her greasy trail and fell.
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00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:45,447
And I saw her laughing.
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She wanted me to fall!
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00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,285
That flaky, buttery bitch!
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00:06:50,285 --> 00:06:53,038
After I lost,
I didn't know who I was anymore.
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00:06:53,038 --> 00:06:55,707
I went on a seven-year bender...
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00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,083
made a lot of friends.
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00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,209
What about Dad?
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00:06:58,209 --> 00:06:59,961
He insisted on calling it
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00:06:59,961 --> 00:07:01,129
a long-distance relationship,
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00:07:01,129 --> 00:07:02,255
but we were on a break.
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00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:04,090
After a while, I returned to Dapto
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00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:05,383
and married your father.
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00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,177
But if not for Saucy Simmons,
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00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,845
I'd have won Miss Sausage Roll,
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00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:10,889
and everything would be different.
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Everything.
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00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,642
You're not entering and that's final.
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00:07:18,229 --> 00:07:19,814
What are these, you ask?
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00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:23,360
Only top-secret security plans
for the Queen's visit!
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00:07:24,402 --> 00:07:25,403
Cool.
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00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,781
The Queen is coming to visit Dapto!
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00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,990
Why aren't you more excited?
178
00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,533
I'd be more excited, but Mum's refusing
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00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:31,910
to train me for Miss Sausage Roll!
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00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,703
For your own good, Alison.
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00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:36,498
Ah, I remember your
Miss Sausage Roll days, Vicky.
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00:07:36,498 --> 00:07:38,291
Some of those pictures really sustained me
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00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,877
through our seven-year
long-distance relationship!
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00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,629
Mmm! Yummy!
185
00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:47,217
I'm really enjoying this
authentic Australian meat pie,
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00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:50,595
made with a native Australian animal.
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00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:51,680
Needs ketchup.
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00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,640
Liam, in Australia
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00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,558
we say "tomato sauce."
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00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:57,852
I just don't get why we can't
have fries like at Chad Wagon's.
191
00:07:57,852 --> 00:08:00,105
Chips, Liam! They're called chips!
192
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:01,648
I don't even know who you are anymore!
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00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:02,857
Maybe you never did!
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00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,567
Now I know why I've never fit in
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00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:05,860
with other Australians!
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00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,153
Because in my heart,
197
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,988
I've been American all along!
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00:08:08,988 --> 00:08:10,532
That's what Chad says.
199
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:13,284
That's right. I went to see Chad
after school today.
200
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,245
I don't want you hanging around that man!
201
00:08:15,245 --> 00:08:18,039
You may be my family
but you're not my mi familia.
202
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,166
Chad says you wouldn't hide
behind a mask if you were.
203
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,918
You told him my secret identity?!
204
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,671
That's just... oh, I'm very cross now.
205
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:28,758
Oh, and FYI: tomato sauce
is not awesome sauce!
206
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:32,095
Chad Wagon!
207
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,224
I just don't understand why
208
00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:39,060
Liam insists on fraternizing
with a lawless American.
209
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:43,440
I can feel it in my willies,
this Chad Wagon is bad news.
210
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,400
Yeah, KM, what did we do to deserve
211
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,277
these Americans invading our shores?
212
00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:49,779
No one could have known the consequences!
213
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:51,990
I just wanted to save the beautiful ship!
214
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,701
Oi, I think Maxwell's got
a touch of the old dementia, mate.
215
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,912
No! Many years ago, I made a mistake.
216
00:08:57,912 --> 00:09:00,790
I violated the Red Hot Rule.
217
00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:02,083
What?! What are you talking about?
218
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,002
- Keep your voice down!
- Good joke.
219
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,254
Are you fucking crazy, you old bastard?!
220
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,006
You want to get nicked
by the Time Bobbies?
221
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,257
Already did.
222
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,551
Spent 20 years in Time Jail.
223
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:13,887
If not for me, President Mummy
would have been
224
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:15,930
at the bottom of the sea on the Titanic.
225
00:09:15,930 --> 00:09:17,807
And everything that came after...
226
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,434
It's all my fault!
227
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,518
Mark my words,
228
00:09:20,518 --> 00:09:22,187
if Americans are involved,
229
00:09:22,187 --> 00:09:24,064
something terrible will happen.
230
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,816
I'm leaving town! You should too!
231
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,614
All right then, see ya tomorrow, Maxwell.
232
00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,240
Maxwell's right about one thing.
233
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,785
This American is only going
to make things worse.
234
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:39,579
Maybe it's time he had a chat with...
235
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,373
Koala Man.
236
00:09:41,373 --> 00:09:44,542
AKA me.
237
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:47,712
Hello, Mother.
238
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,048
You'll never guess who's entered
Miss Sausage Roll.
239
00:09:50,465 --> 00:09:52,342
Saucy Simmons...
240
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:54,177
Don't be absurd, she's far too old.
241
00:09:54,177 --> 00:09:55,720
...Junior!
242
00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,972
She's got her mother's flakes,
I'll give her that much.
243
00:09:57,972 --> 00:10:00,100
And she's the heavy favorite to win.
244
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:03,186
Unless someone were
to come along and defeat her...
245
00:10:03,186 --> 00:10:04,604
Alison... no.
246
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,106
You don't know what you're asking.
247
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,608
You need revenge!
I need to become popular!
248
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:09,776
If you teach me,
249
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:11,736
maybe we can win this thing, together.
250
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:13,822
Very well.
251
00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,115
But just know,
252
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:18,118
pageants turn the sweetest women
into monsters.
253
00:10:18,118 --> 00:10:21,204
Mum, I'm a 14-year-old girl,
I'm already a monster.
254
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,707
I'm not talking about you, Alison.
255
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:26,751
Time to train.
256
00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:28,128
Yes, Mum.
257
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:32,716
I wish you could have seen
258
00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,467
America in the glory days.
259
00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,344
It was paradise, bro.
260
00:10:36,344 --> 00:10:37,929
So, how did you end up in Dapto?
261
00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,514
Once Hollywood became an island,
262
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:40,932
I knew America was finished.
263
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:44,019
But I couldn't just
let American raditude die out.
264
00:10:44,019 --> 00:10:45,854
So I bought the only ticket I could afford
265
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:47,897
and came to Australia
and opened my restaurant,
266
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,359
where every day is red, white, and blue.
267
00:10:51,359 --> 00:10:53,361
The Australian flag is also
red, white, and blue.
268
00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:54,612
But ours is better.
269
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,281
Look, I'm not gonna lie to you.
270
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:58,867
It isn't easy being
an American refugee, kid.
271
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,286
I just wish we had
a real home here in Australia,
272
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,912
somewhere we could call our own.
273
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,664
But the Queen will never go for it.
274
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,125
That staunchy fuckin' bitch.
275
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:08,376
Maybe we just need to show her
276
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,003
how great the American way of life is.
277
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,546
Dude! Killer idea!
278
00:11:11,546 --> 00:11:13,006
We should do a kickass car stunt
279
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,507
for her when she comes to Dapto!
280
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,135
She'll be so impressed,
she'll have to listen to us.
281
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,803
That would be awesome sauce,
282
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,930
but security's gonna be super tight.
283
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:23,308
Bro, doesn't your cuck dad
have security plans?
284
00:11:23,308 --> 00:11:25,060
You should totally get them.
285
00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,145
So America can be reborn
286
00:11:27,145 --> 00:11:28,980
in the ashes of Australia.
287
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,523
- What's that?
- Nothing, nothing.
288
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:31,941
Uh, just, thinking about, uh,
289
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:33,651
hamburgers and hot dogs and stuff.
290
00:11:33,651 --> 00:11:36,946
Oi, Mr. Wagon. Hand over the boy.
291
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:39,783
Aw, g'day, Captain Australia.
292
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:42,243
Darn it, that's a good superhero name!
293
00:11:42,243 --> 00:11:44,371
No, resist his charm.
294
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,790
In the name of Dapto and all that is good,
295
00:11:46,790 --> 00:11:49,167
I command you to stop influencing my son.
296
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:50,752
Maybe I don't want to be your son anymore.
297
00:11:50,752 --> 00:11:53,129
Don't be ridiculous, Liam. Get in the car.
298
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,840
You want Liam? You gotta race me first.
299
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:58,093
From here to that bridge
is exactly a quarter mile.
300
00:11:58,093 --> 00:12:00,470
And I live a quarter mile at a time.
301
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,140
four hundred
and two point three meters at a time.
302
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,308
Pfft, whatever.
303
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,394
What matters is the winner gets Liam.
304
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,104
Liam! This is insane!
305
00:12:09,104 --> 00:12:11,606
Sounds like your old man's scared, Liam.
306
00:12:11,606 --> 00:12:13,983
Of course he is. He's Australian.
307
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:17,404
Fine. Let's race, Yank.
308
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:28,957
Go!
309
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:36,131
Kevin... wouldn't hurt to go
a bit faster, mate.
310
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,633
I can't, Koala Mask! This is a 60 zone!
311
00:12:38,633 --> 00:12:40,051
This is a race for our son!
312
00:12:40,051 --> 00:12:41,219
My son.
313
00:12:41,219 --> 00:12:43,430
Look, Chad may know how to drive fast,
314
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,889
but I know Dapto's roads.
315
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,141
There's a speed bump coming up
316
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,517
and a traffic camera after that.
317
00:12:48,643 --> 00:12:50,311
He's going far too fast.
318
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,480
If the bump doesn't get him,
the camera will!
319
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:04,200
Nooo!
320
00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:09,122
Lawless American! You cheated!
321
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,832
You lost, you little bitch.
322
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,459
That was amazing!
323
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:14,169
And now Liam's mine.
324
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:15,879
Liam, you're not serious.
325
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:18,715
You're not my mi familia, Koala Man,
326
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:22,260
and now you're not my family either.
327
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,388
You are Liam Wagon now.
328
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,432
I love you, Chad Wagon.
329
00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:30,268
Please, son, call me Dad Wagon.
330
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:40,945
♪ There comes a time ♪
331
00:13:40,945 --> 00:13:45,450
♪ When the world is fighting against you ♪
332
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:49,704
♪ You're feeling its weight
on your shoulders... ♪
333
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:54,501
♪ There comes a time ♪
334
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:58,463
♪ When you face your fears headlong ♪
335
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,965
♪ Headstrong ♪
336
00:14:00,965 --> 00:14:03,510
♪ This is your moment ♪
337
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,303
♪ Let's turn up the heat ♪
338
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:07,555
♪ It's time to play ♪
339
00:14:08,139 --> 00:14:10,433
♪ Stand up and fight! ♪
340
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,646
♪ Stand up and fight, yeah ♪
341
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:16,147
♪ Stand up for what... ♪
342
00:14:16,147 --> 00:14:21,403
♪ Stand up for what is right ♪
343
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,863
♪ Stand up and fight! ♪
344
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:27,617
Oh, Liam, sweet Liam.
345
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:29,994
How I wish you were here to see this.
346
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:32,997
No. I must focus on the task at hand.
347
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,708
Protecting the Queen!
348
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:39,713
Oh, looky here, it's Slippy Vicky.
349
00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,256
Shut your face, Saucy.
350
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,591
My daughter is going
to crush yours into porridge.
351
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:45,468
You need to let go of the past, Vicky.
352
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,803
It's actually embarrassing.
353
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,054
And the present.
354
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,473
Your current life
is also very embarrassing.
355
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:53,226
I think our daughters' performances
will be the judge of that.
356
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,145
With just two contestants left,
357
00:14:55,145 --> 00:14:57,439
it's time for the highlight of the event:
358
00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:58,898
the Sausage Strut.
359
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,316
{\an8}Alison, I just want to say,
360
00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:02,110
{\an8}I know there's bad blood
between our mothers,
361
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:03,653
{\an8}but may the best person win.
362
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:06,114
{\an8}You're not a person,
you're a fucking sausage roll.
363
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:09,784
Make some noise for Saucyyyyy Juniooooor!
364
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,380
Three nines from the judges!
365
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,758
That savory girl sure is sweet!
366
00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:28,470
And now, put your oven mitts
together for the last finalist:
367
00:15:28,470 --> 00:15:30,555
Alison Williams!
368
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:33,641
Uggh!
369
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,352
Whoa...
370
00:15:54,496 --> 00:15:57,916
Whooo! Fuck you, you lunch order slut!
In your face!
371
00:16:03,171 --> 00:16:05,215
Dad Wagon, what are you doing?
372
00:16:05,215 --> 00:16:07,634
Just making a few changes
to make your stunt a little more...
373
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,344
memorable.
374
00:16:09,344 --> 00:16:11,805
D-D-D-Don't worry.
375
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:13,598
Just a safety precaution.
376
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,767
Now go make Dad Wagon proud!
377
00:16:15,767 --> 00:16:20,063
U-S-A! U-S-A!
378
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,444
And now, here to crown Miss Sausage Roll,
379
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:30,657
the Queen of Australia, Nicole Kidman!
380
00:16:33,034 --> 00:16:34,869
Hooly dooly, Dapto.
381
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:37,455
It's a bloody honor to be here.
382
00:16:37,455 --> 00:16:38,915
To think, there's my Alison
383
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:41,167
standing next to the Queen of Australia.
384
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,919
What's that?
385
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:45,463
There shouldn't be
any cars within the perimeter!
386
00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,800
Alright, bit of shush now.
387
00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:52,721
Funny story, when I was little,
I thought I'd move to America
388
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:55,265
and enter an arranged marriage
with a space messiah
389
00:16:55,265 --> 00:16:58,101
before settling into a series
of prestige television dramas
390
00:16:58,101 --> 00:17:00,270
where I'd play sad mums in cardigans.
391
00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:03,648
But after America fell,
392
00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:06,443
I decided to stay here
and become your queen.
393
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:07,819
Pretty cool, huh?
394
00:17:07,819 --> 00:17:10,739
Anyway, congrats, Miss Sausage Roll!
395
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,242
Autopilot activated.
396
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,161
{\an8}Kill Queen, frame Liam,
397
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:19,414
reboot Australia into America 2.0.
398
00:17:19,414 --> 00:17:21,791
What?
399
00:17:21,791 --> 00:17:24,294
No, no, no no!
400
00:17:27,797 --> 00:17:29,758
Noooooo!
401
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,093
♪ ...everybody ♪
402
00:17:32,093 --> 00:17:35,013
♪ I have come to take you back with-- ♪
403
00:17:35,013 --> 00:17:36,806
Breaking news:
the Queen of Australia
404
00:17:36,806 --> 00:17:38,391
- has just been grilled to death
-
405
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,559
on the hood of a race car,
406
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,103
driven by a small boy, who has tragically
died at the scene.
407
00:17:42,103 --> 00:17:43,855
A muscly American man is claiming
408
00:17:43,855 --> 00:17:45,148
{\an8}to be Australia's new leader,
409
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,775
and we're all kind of going with it.
410
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:50,403
{\an8}Oh, no, Maxwell!
You mustn't change the past!
411
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:52,864
Anyway, we all live in America 2.0 now,
412
00:17:52,864 --> 00:17:54,741
{\an8}and it's totally awesome sauce!
413
00:17:54,741 --> 00:17:57,702
Ooh! Blasphemy! To hell with the law!
414
00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,629
Pick up, Koala Man, pick up!
415
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:11,800
To think, there's my Alison
standing next to the Queen of Australia.
416
00:18:12,384 --> 00:18:14,344
I wish Liam was here to see this.
417
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:17,013
What's that? There shouldn't be any cars
within the perimeter!
418
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,100
Hey, Maxwell...
419
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,186
Oh, my god!
Thank you for warning me!
420
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:24,896
Though you have broken the Red Hot Rule,
421
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:26,564
and I'm gonna have to dob you in, mate.
422
00:18:26,564 --> 00:18:28,358
Yeah, I'm gonna have to tell
the authorities.
423
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:30,402
Yeah, you can't-- you broke the law, mate.
424
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,821
Yeah, it's alright. Okay.
425
00:18:32,821 --> 00:18:35,198
Yeah, no worries. See ya later.
Alright, bye.
426
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:36,157
One minute.
427
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,450
Time to save my son,
428
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,869
Queen Nicole Kidman, and all of Australia!
429
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,621
Pretty cool, huh?
430
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,666
Anyway, congrats, Miss Sausage Roll!
431
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:48,753
I did it. I'll be the most powerful girl
in school by tomorrow.
432
00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:51,798
I'm so happy. This is the best moment
of my life.
433
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,724
Alison! The Queen!
434
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:13,403
Agh! They've grilled my girl!
435
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:16,698
No, no, no!
436
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,450
Ahhhh!
437
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,835
Ahhh!
438
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,174
Saucy Junior saved my life.
439
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:38,136
She deserves to posthumously win
Miss Sausage Roll, not Alison!
440
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:41,890
Oh, my god! No! I was so close!
441
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,854
A heartbreaking chain of events.
442
00:19:47,854 --> 00:19:50,732
If I may propose a moment of silence
443
00:19:50,732 --> 00:19:53,026
for that brave sausage roll.
444
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,529
Anyway, who's excited for the raffle?
445
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,246
Son, what happened with the stunt?
Y-ou were gonna frame me!
446
00:20:05,246 --> 00:20:08,083
Sacrifices gotta be made
for the U-S of A, dawg!
447
00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:09,334
I thought you understood!
448
00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:11,753
We could've brought America back,
right here in Australia!
449
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:13,421
America 2.0, bro!
450
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,340
All you had to do was kill the Queen.
451
00:20:15,340 --> 00:20:18,259
Hey, Chad, get away from my son!
452
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,387
- Dad!
- Mr. Wagon,
453
00:20:20,387 --> 00:20:23,098
I demand you leave Dapto at once!
454
00:20:23,098 --> 00:20:25,266
Or what? You wanna race for it?
455
00:20:25,266 --> 00:20:28,853
No. That's the problem
with you lawless Americans.
456
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,691
You're brash, arrogant,
over-muscled buffoons.
457
00:20:32,691 --> 00:20:33,775
You can't say that to me.
458
00:20:33,775 --> 00:20:35,944
I can say whatever I want to you
459
00:20:35,944 --> 00:20:37,946
because of the First Amendment.
460
00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:40,907
I realize now, to beat an American,
461
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:43,702
I must understand Americans
and try to share my son's passion.
462
00:20:43,702 --> 00:20:45,745
And there's nothing you Americans
are more passionate about
463
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:47,247
than freedom of speech!
464
00:20:47,247 --> 00:20:50,208
Isn't that right, you filthy... drongo?
465
00:20:51,376 --> 00:20:52,752
No, stop!
466
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,213
- You bloody wanker!
- No, no, stop!
467
00:20:55,213 --> 00:20:57,465
- Knobhead!
- No, no!
468
00:20:57,465 --> 00:20:58,675
No! No! Leave me alone!
469
00:20:58,675 --> 00:21:00,885
Chad! Was any of it real?
470
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:03,263
Was I ever your... mi familia?
471
00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:06,725
Liam, you'll always be my mi famil--
472
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:11,938
Just deserts.
473
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,607
Sorry, Dad.
I don't know what came over me.
474
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,568
I understand, Liam.
475
00:21:16,568 --> 00:21:18,486
You fell under the spell of America.
476
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:20,447
I did, too, when I was your age.
477
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:22,198
But we're Australian, Liam.
478
00:21:22,198 --> 00:21:24,534
And we have to make the best
of what we have.
479
00:21:27,537 --> 00:21:29,497
Can I still say "ketchup" sometimes?
480
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:31,708
I'll think about it.
481
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:38,006
Drop the charges, Time Bobbies,
482
00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,507
he saved my life.
483
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,843
C'mon, Maxwell, let's get you home.
484
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:44,637
Oh, bless you, Your Majesty!
485
00:21:52,979 --> 00:21:55,607
They really went all out for her.
486
00:21:55,607 --> 00:21:58,109
Alison, how are you feeling after losing?
487
00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:00,320
Do you feel like going
on a seven-year bender
488
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:03,156
and settling into a life
of quiet desperation? Hmm?
489
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,491
How do I feel?
490
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:11,498
I feel fine, actually.
491
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:12,624
Huh.
492
00:22:12,624 --> 00:22:14,250
I guess one disappointment
493
00:22:14,250 --> 00:22:16,628
doesn't have to dictate
the course of your entire life.
494
00:22:16,628 --> 00:22:19,631
Maybe things would have been
exactly the same
495
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:20,715
even if I won...
496
00:22:20,715 --> 00:22:22,592
I would have ended up here anyway...
497
00:22:22,592 --> 00:22:23,593
Hmm.
498
00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:24,969
That coffin's empty, you know.
499
00:22:24,969 --> 00:22:27,055
They fed Saucy Junior to needy families.
500
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:29,015
An Australian hero.
501
00:22:29,015 --> 00:22:30,266
Just like you, Dad.
502
00:22:30,266 --> 00:22:32,936
Hmm. I suppose I am.
503
00:22:44,030 --> 00:22:46,449
Chad! Mi familia...
504
00:22:52,455 --> 00:22:57,335
President Mummy shall have her revenge!
505
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:40,128
Captioned by Point.360