IRMA VEP
Sorry. Am I disturbing you?
I like to spend time on set before the crew comes
and turns it into chaos.
So do I.
I have to absorb how it feels as a real place.
I need to make sure it's haunted.
Sorry, I feel safer if you're not pointing a gun at me.
Am I that dangerous?
You are Irma Vep for me, so, yes, you are dangerous.
Yeah, but off camera, I am a nice person.
No, not to me. Maybe later...
when the shoot is over.
- Is it haunted enough for you? - The set?
Well, most of the time, sets are soulless.
- But not this one. - You have an actual ghost with a gun.
Mira do you believe in the invisible?
The invisible. I guess so.
I mean, it depends on what you call invisible.
Things that exist, but you cannot see.
- Like what? - Like...
Wi-Fi.
- Wi-Fi... - Yeah, Wi-Fi, yeah.
Yeah. But then sometimes
I feel like it's not there and it's not working.
What about presences?
You mean the way a place has some sort of soul?
Or not.
That you can't see but you can feel.
- Yes, yes. - I do.
Sets are eerie because they're real and they're not real.
They look real, but they're an imitation of reality...
just like dreams are an imitation of reality.
You're right, like dreams.
- Were you rehearsing? - I was.
Do you want to show me?
Are you sure I should kill the Grand Vampire?
Oh yes. We should get rid of him.
He's definitely not gonna be happy.
Screw him.
I'm here for you, so I'm in for the ride.
The Grand Vampire visits Moreno to pay Irma Vep's ransom
"Irma doesn't wish to leave me. Ask her yourself,"
"she's in the next room."
Still under Moreno's spell,
Irma Vep shoots to kill the Grand Vampire!
Yes! Great! Yeah, you did it!
Now shoot him again. Empty the barrel.
Now, jump on him.
Yeah, with both feet. Jump on him!
René, I have heels on. I can't jump on him.
No. He's dead. He doesn't feel nothing. Jump on him.
- I am so sorry. - It's okay, it's fine.
You have nothing to be sorry about.
This is between René and me!
He"s a nutcase!
René, I will sue the hell out of you!
It's payback time! You're going down!
Fuck you.
You're dead! The Grand Vampire is dead!
- Damn right, he's dead! - Thank you.
He's out of the story! Bye-bye!
I'll see you in arbitration motherfucker!
Go fuck yourself, scumbag! Go fuck yourself! Dammit!
I'm done with this Him! Shit!
Get him out of here!
I can't stand him anymore! I hate Robert! Shit!
Here we go.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight, Daddy.
- Are they tucked in? - Yes.
I'm seriously worried.
You are always seriously worried.
That's part of working with René, You can't let him do that.
I try. This time, he's gone too far.
He completely lost his shit today, and Robert is no longer in the show.
- How long have you worked with René? - 15 years.
Don't you think you need a break?
- I have to protect him. - From what?
- Himself. He's gone missing. - Meaning?
I even called his wife. No news. He's not returning my calls.
I have no idea if we're shooting tomorrow.
That's an insurance issue.
I'm not sure we're covered for the director vanishing.
Knock on wood.
That's the best you can come up with?
Do you want me to sugarcoat it?
Fuck!
- Hello? - Sorry for disturbing you at this hour.
- We have a small problem. - Is it René?
No. it's not René.
- What now? - It's Gottfried.
Jesus! I knew from day one that he was trouble.
How can I put this?
He hung himself in some sort of sex game.
What? Is he...
We're not sure if he's completely alive.
I can't get a straight answer.
- From who? - The paramedics.
I'm at the hotel now.
I'm going to ask for their medical report.
Here comes a doctor. I'll call you back!
Excuse me sir, any news?
He's alive, but he may have brain damage.
He might make it, but his memory or mobility may be compromised.
Sorry, can I ask a stupid question? It's part of my job.
Is there any chance he can shoot tomorrow?
He'll be lucky if he's alive tomorrow.
Okay...
Excuse us. Coming through, thanks. I'D ride with the patient.
They're waiting for us there.
Perfect. Ready, lift. I'm lifting.
Hello? They finally left for the hospital.
I'm jumping on my scooter to follow them.
I can't tell you more than what the doctor just said.
- Gautier's calling. - You called him?
- Of course. I had to. - I don't envy you. Good luck.
Call me as soon as they've scanned him.
I'll keep you posted.
- Thanks for calling back. - Just got your message.
- You sounded very concerned. - Yes. We have kind of an issue.
Concerning Mira?
No. The problem is with the German actor. Gottfried.
Gottfried? I frankly don't remember him.
You scared me for a moment.
What's goina on with this German actor?
It's a sensitive situation. He's been hospitalized.
- Poor guy. An accident? - Yes, sort of...
Did it happen on set?
No, in his hotel room. He was found in the closet.
What do you mean?
As you may know, when a man is hanged...
he has a spontaneous, automatic erection.
Well no, I didn't know that.
Some people use a noose or a belt to hang themselves
from a closet rod for the purpose of sexual arousal.
"Autoerotic asohvxiation."
"Autoerotic asphyxiation?" He sounds insane...
Why wasn't he kept on a tighter leash?
He had a PA who was attached to him at the hip.
But apparently Gottfried insisted on going to a "bear bar,"
which is the kind of place you go to cruise older, heavy, gay men.
I've never been to a place like that.
But it seems people like it.
When did this happen?
We dont know. He wasn't answering his phone.
Carta had the door busted open, and they found him in the closet.
- Alive? - Technically speaking, yes.
- But unconscious. - Are you saying he's braindead?
No, but the prognosis is not good.
Get in touch with our lawyer. I'll email you his contact info.
- I'll do it first thing in the morning. - No, right now.
- Very good. - Not a word to anyone.
You'll let him handle communication with his agent, family, etc...
We're doing damage control now. What are his chances of survival?
Poor.
It's a very unusual case. But we do see them once in a while.
Usually on weekends. Saturday nights.
You know... the family is away, they get bored.
How pathetic. What are Gottfried's odds, 50/50?
Sometimes they come back, sometimes they dont.
- In this case, I'd say 30/70. - 30/70?
Maybe 25/75...
Have you reached René? Keep trying him.
I'm coming to the production office. We cant shoot today.
Do not call Mirai Gautier's lawyers are contacting her agent.
I'm iust oraving he'll resurface before Gautier ever finds out.
Angus, obviously we're not shooting today,
but we know we can switch these 2 weeks on our schedule,
and start shooting on Saturdays.
On Fridays, Edmond Lagrange is doing a play.
He's playing Les Fourberies de Scapinin St. Etienne.
It's great for him. Will the crew work on Saturdays?
We'll figure something out.
- A cofffee? - Thank vou.
When were you going to tell me that René's gone?
This just happened yesterday after the blow up with Robert.
- He left set and didn't come back. - Called him. Nothing new.
We have to consider replacing him.
Does he even know Gottfried attempted suicide?
Technically, it wasn't suicide.
It was more like a... sex game.
Let's not speak about the sex game because it's not sure.
We don't know. The doctor has to let us know still.
Let's give him a bit more time. I think he's going to resurface.
- Let's call his agent. - His agent isn't helpful.
To hide this... What a mess!
- Hi Angus, you good? - To be honest, no.
Gautier will be furious to hear about René.
- I hear you. - You're on speaker.
- Hello. - Hello, Vladimir.
- Have you heard from him? - No. I made the rounds. Nothing yet.
What should we do?
Be patient. It's been less than 24 hours.
We've already been very patient with your client.
You can't shoot with an actor in the ICU.
We can shuffle the schedule. You know how it works.
Gautier's so sick of René's bullshit.
René doesn't matter...
I'm sorry but he fired Robert Danjou,
a man who is a fine actor and gentleman.
He's humiliated him. We may have a lawsuit on ourhands l
That's filmmaking. Shit happens!
No, this is chaos. This is the last straw.
We won't tolerate it anymore.
Who knows, René may have had an accident.
We're getting nowhere. If he doesn't surface by soon, he's fired.
- If he calls you, tell him that. - Got it.
- See ya. - Bye.
- He's useless. - That's an understatement!
Luckily, I've been working on plan B.
What's plan B?
I was in touch with Herman Ray's agent.
Herman? the Herman from Doomsday?
It'll iust require a little finessing.
I'm really not sure Herman is the right fit.
This show is very European, it's not his style.
It's his experience, people know this...
Doomsday has nothing to do with The Vampires.
They're polar opposites.
- No? Is it just me? - I've already zoomed with his people.
They'd seriouslv consider an offer.
Stop!
- My god. - Hi. Are you okay?
- Yeah. I"m totally fine. - You sure?
How good to see you.
Yes. In the hotel.
I was, coming out of the elevator and I saw him right there.
And he passed out.
No, he's fine. He's in the shower.
I put him in a cold shower. I think he"s fine right now.
He didn't seem any less coherent than usual.
He just wanted to go straight to set.
And I was like, "No, you need to rest."
Yeah. No, it's fine.
I think he's done with the shower. I"ll call you back?
What the fuck happened to you?
I don't know.
I was quietly sitting in my hotel room
reading this really cool book about drugs in Nazi Germany.
"Blitzed." Heard of it?
- Never. - It's fascinating.
Did you know all those elite troops were on speed?
- Okay. - Then there was a blank.
I woke up in a clinic... drips in my arms.
Well, let me fill you in.
Seems you hung yourself in the closet and passed out.
Now I understand the neck pain and the strangulation...
- I guess so. - Strangulation mark.
- I was wondering. - Please, eat something.
Yeah, nothing to worry about.
Something I do if I can"t get my dick up.
Does it work?
Usually, it works, but sometimes I black out.
- It's a thin line. - Seems this one was close.
- I've done much worse. - I"m sure.
But now I feel fit as fuck. It just boosts you.
You have no idea.
Seems the brain scan showed no lesion, so...
Yeah, I think it's an excellent offer.
I need to discuss it again with Laurie.
Me and my team, we had a second Zoom with the French.
And they seriously want me to finish "Irma Vep."
- You're really considering it? - Yeah.
I mean, I ain't give 'em my decision yet.
I told 'em to wait till tomorrow.
But Marvel pushed back "Sharkman," and...
thought you"d be happy to go to Paris for a few weeks.
- I am. - And the money's good.
I'm sorry to be blunt, but it"s basically a hack job.
What you talkin' 'bout? I mean, it"s a prestige gig.
Honey, you shouldn't be doing a TV show right now.
- It's bad for your image. - How?
"Doomsday" performed well, so you can build on the momentum.
This "Irma Vep" thing's gonna take you nowhere.
So you don't wanna go to Paris?
Of course, I wanna go to Paris. Who doesn't wanna go to Paris?
But I care about you.
I'm concerned about you and Mira, though.
- No reason to be. - I sense there's no closure.
I don"t know about her, but...
I'm perfectly fine with being just friends with her.
At a distance... of course.
If we do go, we'll make sure there's distance.
Thank you. What the fuck happened with René Vidal?
Apparently, that motherfucker vanished.
- Really? - Yeah. Cut his phone off.
- Nobody can contact him. - You tried?
- I sent him a text. - Did he text you back?
Kinda. He never seen no GIF like this.
See, I interpret it as him sayin', "Be my guest."
It strikes me for something a little less nuanced, like, "Go fuck yourself."
Have you tried René again? Turned his cell off.
I sent him a couple texts. I"m not surprised.
Just disappointed.
I committed to this show because of René.
I could feel betrayed.
- I'm sure he's in pain. - I know.
But now we're stuck with Herman.
They need your approval.
You know I'm going to give my approval.
There aren't many options anyway.
- At least he"s the evil I know. - Herman is not evil.
- I'm scared though. - Why?
- I miss Laurie. - I don't.
I called her this morning.
- She didn't pick up. - Why the fuck did you call her?
She'll be in town.
We might as well set the rules.
Laurie doesn't play by any rule.
Don't let her hurt you more than she already has.
- Hello. - Come in.
So?
I haven't been home since yesterday morning.
- I wandered through Paris all night. - Have vou contacted your wife?
No, no, actually...
When I'm shooting, my wife goes out of town. She takes the kids.
They usually stay with her mother.
According to her, I'm unbearable when I shoot.
Are you?
I cant say I disagree with her. I made a terrible mistake.
I shouldn't be doing this series. I'm going to back out.
I thought you carefully thought this through?
- Not thoroughly enough. - It could be therapeutic.
- It hasn't been. - Why do you say that?
A few days ago I received a visit from Jade's ghost.
- Her ghost? - Yes.
- Is she dead? - No. She's alive. But she was there.
Excuse me. Yes?
Could you put the envelope under the doormat?
Thanks. Sorry.
So, ten years later, she's still haunting you.
- Twelve years! - Sorry. Twelve.
I believed that making this long, eight-hour film,
would bring some sort of closure.
But I haven't found closure. I'm just opening up old wounds.
You've said Mira embodies the possibility of a new beginning.
That's true. Yes.
- Do you love her? - Yes. I love her. Of course I do.
She's a kindred spirit. But it's something else.
No less valuable than what I had with Jade.
- And she's not a ghost. - No. She's so alive, so full of life.
But you know ghosts have very little to do with the dead.
They're more about what's dead inside us.
More about the past that lives inside us.
All that is foreian to Mira. She's the cure.
- She cures you? - Yes.
But I also want to protect her from my disease.
- Your disease? - Yes, yester...
Sorry.
I had a happening yesterday.
- What happened? - It was that actor.
I wish I'd killed him.
You've struggled with these homicidal impulses,
mostly when you're on set.
You've made great progress over the past few years.
They came back. With a vengeance, after being kept at bay.
Why do you think you couldn't control your anger yesterday?
- Is there a reason? - Yes...
Can you share it?
That actor took umbrage with an abduction scene,
one that is iconic in Feuillade's original show.
And he called this abduction scene a rape.
Abduction means taking someone against their will.
In that sense, there's a link to rape.
Are you saying the actor was right?
I'm not calling you a rapist. I think you're anything but...
I'm iust explaining the mechanics.
I hate him.
He's blocking you from doing what you desire.
- My desire? - Your cinematic fantasies.
Remind me who this Herman person we just hired is?
A big director. He just did Doomsday with Mira.
Right, that film where Ragnar gets his balls cut off!
That's the one.
My wife told me she liked K a lot. But they're killing the franchise.
How can there be another Doomsday without Ragnar?
No, is a smart move. Ragnar comes back as transgender.
The first trans superhero. A visionary proiect.
What does Mira think about Herman?
To be honest she wasn't too thrilled. But what can we do?
René's missing. She understands.
They did Doomsday together. They're close.
This is all good news. Have you discussed Herman with the insurers?
The insurers are willing to help as long as we vacate the lot as planned.
Too expensive to keep it.
That'll be impossible. Herman doesn't land until Monday morning.
He'll drop his bags at the Plaza Athénée, do some location scouting.
He'll be ready to shoot on Tuesday.
The insurers need us to shoot tomorrow, dismantle the set, and vacate the lot.
So, we need a director.
When I spoke to Mira, she suggested her assistant, Regina, could direct.
She insists she can do it.
- Good. - Regina is straight out of filmschool.
I've seen her shorts. She's talented.
We could do worse than her. She's developing a feature.
I might even be interested in buying it.
Give the kid a break, make Mira happy. Then Herbert takes over.
- Herman! - What?
- His name is Herman. . Herman!
I'm in a complete panic.
They want me to replace René just to save the day.
Sounds like a great opportunity to me. Grab it.
But I'm not prepared, and it's not even my project.
- Make it your project. - For a day?
Mira needs your help.
I'm the one who needs all the help I can get.
Oh, come on. You'll be fine. It's only one scene.
Let me show you something.
I stayed up all night looking up references to prep.
- What the hell is that? - You know Kenneth Anger?
Experimental filmmaker.
René always mentions him as an inspiration.
Should I know him?
He doesn't see himself as a director, but as a magus.
- You mean a magician? - No, magicians do tricks.
A magus believes in... invisible forces.
He believes that actors are spirits
and movies are magic rituals.
And what exactly is the purpose of movies as magic rituals?
To invoke Lucifer.
You mean some sort of satanic ceremony?
No, not at all.
It's like Lucifer is the fallen angel
but he's literally the carrier of light.
His movies are about conjuring Lucifer?
No, they're about accessing that light.
What's your point?
All movies are about accessing the light.
All movies are about...
- Maybe the good ones. - Yeah, the good ones.
And if you don"t believe in the invisible,
then you just don"t make good movies.
Is this something that they taught you in film school?
No, and this is the part of cinema you gotta learn by yourself.
No one teaches you that.
You know you sound exactly like René?
- Your blouse. - Thank you, Ms. Director.
Only for the day.
And then I'll turn back into my usual pumpkin.
Look, here's Anaiis Nin as Astarte.
- Goddess of the Moon. - She plays Astarte?
No. I mean, she's... being Astarte.
You know, that"s the major difference.
So, you mean that I have to be Irma Vep?
No, you have to let Irma Vep be you.
For "The Vampires" to be a better show?
For "The Vampires" to be art.
- As opposed to? - Entertainment.
It's not supposed to be entertaining?
Well, of course, it's supposed to be entertaining,
but it could be more than that.
So, how do you see your first shot?
First, the camera's here... the entrance to Moreno"s flat.
And then, we have a close-up of the nefarious Satanas
as he puts on his poisonous spike.
Then he rings Moreno's bell
to confront him and Irma Vep about the Grand Vampire's murder.
Moreno and Irma Vep had just finished hiding
the Grand Vampire's body in a chest.
"Not the paralyptic spike!"
And action.
Don't worry, my dear. He's only paralyzed.
In five minutes, he'll be back to normal.
And he will have learned his lesson.
No one messes with The Vampires.
The man you killed and whose body...
is in this trunk, was a subordinate.
I, Satanas... am the true Grand Vampire.
I want you to join The Vampires.
If you don't swear your allegiance to me by tomorrow,
you will be killed at 2 AM.
The next night, Moreno and Irma Vep dine
at a cabaret in Montmartre.
You have declinde my generous offer to join the Vampires
at 2 a.m., you will die. Satans the Grand Vampire
And now, we bring you an excerpt from Musidora's memoir...
The morning we shot the memorable cabaret scene,
I received a telegram from Director Feuillade which read:
"Please report to the Gaumont studio, for the shoot of a hazardous scene"
"Bring an elegant but used gown, for it might be damaged."
"I put it all in a box,"
"and headed" to the nearby metro station, Botzaris,"
"with my precious dress in hand."
Yesterday you said it wasn't dear, so I drew it out for you.
- What's this? - That's our scene.
Continue.
My partner Femand Herrmann, who played Moreno,
was waiting for me on the cabaret set.
Madam Musidora...
This is the cabaret, where I'm treating you to dinner.
Gaumont Productions is footing the bill.
The champagne is flowing. Have a taste. Enioy.
- Warm beer. Could be worse. - No ice in the bucket...
D'accord, d'accord.
This is the message from Satanas. He will strike at 2 a.m. 2 a.m!
Excuse me. What are you supposed to be?
- A tango dancer. Shit! - Sit. You'll dine instead.
Come with me. You're not dining.
You're wearing a tuxedo with a white tie, which makes no sense.
- You'll be a waiter. - Oui.
Have wardrobe put a towel on your arm.
Ok.
I'll set the scene. You're socialites, in high spirits.
When the dancers enter, I want everyone looking at them.
Silence, please! Irma Vep and her lover Moreno have just
received word that Satanas is still planning to kill them here at 2 a.m.
And listen up, everyone. There are two categories of extras today.
The regular extras will earn the usual daily rate.
Those directly affected by the blast will get double the rate.
If you're interested in double pay, step now to your left.
All others to your right. Double pay is that way.
For safety, go behind that shield while you're shooting.
I'm gonna get behind the shield.
- Mr. Feuillade! - Yes?
- Sorry to interrupt. - Yes.
I think you're going to be very happy with my explosive.
A renowned pyrotechnician gave me the formula.
However, I'm afraid some extras may get injured.
Injuries are fine. We're ready to shoot.
Meanwhile, at Satana's hideout across the street...
"Open the window, so I can aim at the cabaret."
Extras, we're shooting!
Dance!
Very good. Enter, waiter.
Serve the glass of champagne. Then pour some wine
for the lone customer at the next table.
Then serve Moreno and Musidora.
Waiter.
Champagne.
Serve them!
Musidora toasts...
- Cheers. - Cheers.
And drinks.
Here comes the signal.
The set collapsed on top of us.
We thought we were dead.
I can't hear a thing! I've gone deaf!
It's the end of my career!
For a bomb, that was some bomb!
Triple pay for all the wounded!
Don't, don't leave any messages.
I will never return them. Thank you.
Have you arrived? Want have a drink?
Can I see u?
We could redo the buttons. We could send it to Mike.
He did all the buttons for "Doomsday."
He'll do it, you think?
Yeah, we have plenty of buttons leftover from "Doomsday."
Okay. Enough about me. How was your day?
We just rode around, looked at all the main sets.
Just to get the mood.
I can get a vibe of what's goin' on.
- Okay, did you like it? - Not really, no.
You start tomorrow. That doesn't really give them much time to fix things.
Why is why I have to fix the most important things.
René, cheap ass. I mean, not cheap.
In the art world, they call it a minimalist.
He's a minimalist. Not me. I like big shit.
- I know. - It's frustrating.
There's this scene where this bomb is supposed to go off in this nightclub.
He wanna shoot it in a dump. You don't shoot that in no dump.
You go to Moulin Rouge, or Folies Bergere, or somethin' big.
Fuck that little shit. You know what I'm sayin'?
Herman, this is a TV show, not a movie.
- They don't have the budget. - I know. But at the end of the day.
I'm just trying to do my best with what I know.
Hollywood, blockbusters. I grew up on 'em.
- Didn"t mean to judge. - I know I'm not a Coen Brothers.
Them motherfuckers are geniuses.
- No... - Yeah.
I hate when you do that. Don't be self-deprecating.
You're going to make... great movies one day.
- If movies are still being made. - No, they will.
- I got somethin' for you. - What?
- I got a surprise. - What?
Yeah... Don't move.
- Are we celebrating something? - One second.
You're crazy.
Yes.
Baby...
- Pick a hand. - Left hand.
Both, come on!
It's a surprise. Open it, it don't bite.
- Herman. - What, you don't like it?
It's so beautiful.
It's an apology for takin' a hack job in Paris.
- I never said it was a hack job. - You kinda said it was a hack job.
Okay, fine, I said it was a hack job.
- Wanna put it on? - Yes.
Let's do it. This latch can be tricky.
I mean, French latches.
Voila.
- It's gorgeous. Damn! - I don't wanna break it.
Here, let me help you take it off.
- It's so pretty. - Mamacita!
Yeah, what's up? Shit.
Goddamn!
- Have you heard from Mira? - Been avoiding her.
She been askin' about you. She said she texted you.
Yeah, I've been busy. I'll respond tomorrow.
- Maybe. - You"re just toyin' with her.
Herman, she used me as her sex slave.
Come on, babe. That's a bit dramatic.
Yeah, well... she doesn't like that
I'm not the submissive groupie she once knew.
- I'm a woman. - Yes, you are.
I'm not a puppet.
- You want revenge? - No.
But I won't let things spin out of control again, that's for sure.
- Such a badass. - Yes, I'm a badass.
I'm a badass.
You know I'm ticklish there. Stop it!
Baby.
Subtitle made for...