1
00:00:17,750 --> 00:00:19,583
Nice.
2
00:00:26,541 --> 00:00:28,666
Why won't Ron text me back?
3
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:32,583
Reagan, like I said to Bush after 9/11,
you gotta wait this thing out.
4
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,625
Diggity dope morning, bro-workers.
5
00:00:34,708 --> 00:00:38,333
Question, if you guys had one wish,
what would it be?
6
00:00:38,416 --> 00:00:39,625
More Simpsons porn.
7
00:00:39,708 --> 00:00:41,791
That's right. I'm the one person
who likes that.
8
00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,916
You're wondering who's that for?
It's me! Guys like me.
9
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,500
Disturbing. And no!
10
00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:55,833
Bruh, I'm not really in the mood
for a big team hang right now.
11
00:00:55,916 --> 00:00:57,791
I may have just lost the love of my life
12
00:01:01,791 --> 00:01:03,416
-Yikes!
Coffee break!
13
00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:06,166
I never thought I'd go from Harvard
to serving coffee,
14
00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,375
but what the fuck is that!?
15
00:01:09,458 --> 00:01:11,416
Just an action-packed adventure.
16
00:01:11,500 --> 00:01:13,458
Fun for ages six to six and a half.
17
00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:16,250
Oh no, this is bad. This is very bad!
18
00:01:16,750 --> 00:01:18,875
The movie? Yeah, but it's like good bad.
19
00:01:18,958 --> 00:01:21,583
No, you idiot.
There's no such movie as Shazaam.
20
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:24,000
It was called Kazaam with a "Kuh,"
21
00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:26,791
and it starred Shaq,
the Sinbad of basketball.
22
00:01:27,583 --> 00:01:29,875
-That can't be right.
I remember a movie Shazaam.
23
00:01:29,958 --> 00:01:30,791
I know I saw it.
24
00:01:30,875 --> 00:01:32,083
You think you remember it
25
00:01:32,166 --> 00:01:35,041
because the fabric of space-time
has been tampered with!
26
00:01:35,125 --> 00:01:36,750
We've entered a parallel timeline.
27
00:01:36,833 --> 00:01:39,875
Quick! Tattoo everything you know
about yourselves on your bodies!
28
00:01:40,458 --> 00:01:42,208
-Oh my God.
-Shit!
29
00:01:42,291 --> 00:01:45,958
-That's kind of working for you though.
-Here's proof of the prime timeline.
30
00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:47,208
This means one thing.
31
00:01:47,291 --> 00:01:49,625
Rand's unearthed Project Reboot.
32
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,916
The universe is at risk
unless we stop him!
33
00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:57,291
-What's happening?
34
00:01:57,375 --> 00:01:58,208
Tattoo guns?
35
00:01:58,291 --> 00:02:00,125
Oh God, this is an emergency!
36
00:02:02,458 --> 00:02:03,458
Reagan!
37
00:02:26,250 --> 00:02:28,750
J.R., the only way
my dad manipulates reality
38
00:02:28,833 --> 00:02:31,083
is with vodka and Korean boner pills.
39
00:02:31,166 --> 00:02:33,250
You're misremembering
the name of the movie.
40
00:02:33,333 --> 00:02:35,000
No one has seen Rand for days.
41
00:02:35,083 --> 00:02:38,458
He could be passed out in his office,
or it could be much worse.
42
00:02:38,541 --> 00:02:40,000
-Oh, Lord!
43
00:02:43,541 --> 00:02:46,000
He's gone AWOL in the damn head.
44
00:02:46,083 --> 00:02:49,250
Okay, this is more Howard Hughes
than I would have thought.
45
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:52,583
What's Project Reboot,
and where the hell is my dad?
46
00:02:52,666 --> 00:02:55,416
I feared this day would come.
47
00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:58,333
It all began years ago.
48
00:02:58,416 --> 00:03:01,625
Also, do you want like a T-shirt
or like a… like a large towel?
49
00:03:01,708 --> 00:03:06,583
It all began years ago in college
at Harvard. Tap, tap.
50
00:03:07,583 --> 00:03:09,208
We get it. You went to Harvard.
51
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,250
and your dad arrived
with an attitude problem.
52
00:03:17,541 --> 00:03:19,583
You really need two tuxedos?
53
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,208
It's called class.
54
00:03:28,916 --> 00:03:32,041
and I hated him
because he was an abrasive asshole.
55
00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,791
Oh!
56
00:03:34,875 --> 00:03:38,000
I told you,
this beer is for the Harvard Lampoon!
57
00:03:38,083 --> 00:03:40,250
They control comedy for some reason.
58
00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,250
So buy more
with Daddy's credit card.
59
00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:45,125
I'm trying to build a perv bot
to spy on that sorority.
60
00:03:45,916 --> 00:03:48,500
I'm intrigued,
but isn't that a little creepy?
61
00:03:48,583 --> 00:03:50,416
Oh yeah, majorly.
62
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,708
But in the late '70s,
this is considered lightheartedly comedic.
63
00:03:53,791 --> 00:03:56,500
-I heard the word beer in there.
64
00:03:56,583 --> 00:03:58,416
That makes me think there's beer in there!
65
00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,875
Shit, the RA. Stall him.
66
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:06,750
Doug, wow, you're looking fit these days.
You've been pumping iron?
67
00:04:10,541 --> 00:04:11,375
Hm.
68
00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:15,333
Although we hated each other,
we realized when two people
69
00:04:15,416 --> 00:04:20,125
with enormous egos
and really weird-shaped dicks join forces,
70
00:04:20,208 --> 00:04:21,416
anything is possible.
71
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,583
We decided to go into business together.
72
00:04:59,625 --> 00:05:02,625
I'm calling this a success.
It buried itself.
73
00:05:02,708 --> 00:05:06,916
Finally, we came up with something
that would put us on the map forever.
74
00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:15,250
You've actually done it. A time machine!
Want to explain how it works?
75
00:05:15,333 --> 00:05:16,166
Nope.
76
00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:19,041
Good enough for me.
Let's fire this bad boy up!
77
00:05:19,125 --> 00:05:21,083
Throw on this tinfoil hat to be safe.
78
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:22,500
Seriously, tinfoil?
79
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:24,583
The chrono-resistant properties
of aluminum
80
00:05:24,666 --> 00:05:28,333
allow it to preserve the freshness
of casseroles and space-time.
81
00:05:28,416 --> 00:05:31,916
But sure, keep it off if you want to risk
permanent timeline alterations.
82
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:32,833
Huh.
83
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:37,000
All right. Here we go. Three, two, one.
84
00:05:44,791 --> 00:05:46,250
Did we travel back in time?
85
00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:52,291
Ah, shit! Your face is naked.
86
00:05:52,375 --> 00:05:53,916
Your horrible mustache is gone!
87
00:05:54,916 --> 00:05:58,250
-What the hell?
-And there's only one moon.
88
00:05:59,166 --> 00:06:01,250
Wait, what the fuck? One moon?
89
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:04,041
Oh yeah, minor thing.
There used to be two moons.
90
00:06:04,125 --> 00:06:07,291
Surfing was way more fun
in the old timeline.
91
00:06:07,375 --> 00:06:09,666
Menstrual cycles were hell though.
92
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:11,166
Don't you see what this means?
93
00:06:11,250 --> 00:06:12,541
Project Reboot worked!
94
00:06:12,625 --> 00:06:14,583
Not as a time machine, but it worked!
95
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:17,416
The machine created
random changes to the present
96
00:06:17,500 --> 00:06:19,333
by altering small events in the past.
97
00:06:19,416 --> 00:06:23,208
Now we're in timeline "B"
where I have no mustache,
98
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:24,375
there's only one moon,
99
00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:30,625
Look, Christian bears aside,
is this gonna make us any money?
100
00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:31,958
You're worried about money?
101
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,875
This machine alters reality itself.
102
00:06:33,958 --> 00:06:36,458
If we could perfect it,
we could become gods,
103
00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:37,625
and no one could stop--
104
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:52,666
-Agh! No, I'm too rich to die!
-If you're gonna kill us, do it quick.
105
00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:55,583
I want to spend as little of my life
in this building as possible.
106
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,416
Your machine is tampering
107
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:01,083
with unholy godlike forces
not meant for man.
108
00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:03,041
That's our job.
109
00:07:03,125 --> 00:07:05,541
Who the hell are you
Dorito-headed dipshits?
110
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:08,500
We are the power
behind all things.
111
00:07:08,583 --> 00:07:10,583
The true rulers of the world,
112
00:07:10,666 --> 00:07:12,750
but our ancient ways have gotten…
113
00:07:14,375 --> 00:07:15,833
…a bit out of date.
114
00:07:15,916 --> 00:07:17,791
We need help modernizing.
115
00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:19,875
Wait, you want to give us a job?
116
00:07:19,958 --> 00:07:22,166
Your innovation and daring
have impressed us.
117
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:25,291
We ask only
that you dismantle Project Reboot.
118
00:07:25,375 --> 00:07:28,666
In exchange, we will hire you
to create a shadow company
119
00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:30,875
using your technological wizardry.
120
00:07:30,958 --> 00:07:36,041
We will grant you the power
to control the world on our behalf.
121
00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:47,125
Ah, my old evidence-burying shovel.
122
00:07:47,208 --> 00:07:49,125
Tonight, we dance again.
123
00:07:49,208 --> 00:07:52,583
Rand, we don't know who these guys are
or the true extent of their powers.
124
00:07:52,666 --> 00:07:55,166
We should not go behind their backs
and fuck with them.
125
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:58,291
That's why we need this machine
as an insurance policy.
126
00:07:58,375 --> 00:08:00,375
Trust me. You'll thank me one day.
127
00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:12,083
An inspirational story.
128
00:08:17,625 --> 00:08:18,666
Until now.
129
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:22,583
Rand must have started up the machine
and reality itself is in danger.
130
00:08:22,666 --> 00:08:24,125
Very Christopher Nolan,
131
00:08:24,208 --> 00:08:25,833
in that I don't understand it
132
00:08:25,916 --> 00:08:27,750
and it gets worse
the more questions you ask.
133
00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:32,375
Jesus, there is nothing my dad can't ruin.
This is what you guys wanted, right?
134
00:08:32,458 --> 00:08:35,333
Vodka water coolers
and cosmic annihilation.
135
00:08:35,416 --> 00:08:37,375
I told you guys he'd be the end of us all.
136
00:08:37,458 --> 00:08:39,625
But Rand is finally
in charge of the company.
137
00:08:39,708 --> 00:08:41,833
Why would he choose now to go postal-er?
138
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:42,916
The Robes.
139
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:46,500
He must be in danger of losing his job
and he's trying to get it back.
140
00:08:47,208 --> 00:08:48,291
What are you doing?
141
00:08:48,375 --> 00:08:50,833
Scanning our brains
to preserve our current memories.
142
00:08:50,916 --> 00:08:54,583
I have a feeling
things are about to get pretty convoluted.
143
00:08:58,583 --> 00:09:03,000
We got to find Project Reboot
and stop Rand from destroying reality.
144
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,666
Hey, Alpha-Beta. I got a job for you.
145
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:08,541
Really? Am I part of the group now?
146
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:10,791
We're gonna need
a better way to track timeline changes
147
00:09:10,875 --> 00:09:12,541
than giving each other face tattoos.
148
00:09:22,791 --> 00:09:24,333
What the shit happened to Andre?
149
00:09:24,416 --> 00:09:26,166
Rand must have used the machine again.
150
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:29,500
We're now in Timeline 1D,
where Andre may or may not exist,
151
00:09:29,583 --> 00:09:31,166
footballs are cube-shaped,
152
00:09:31,250 --> 00:09:33,583
and Brett's movie starred a whale,
apparently.
153
00:09:37,541 --> 00:09:39,333
J.R., fire up the van.
154
00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:48,833
Oh, sorry. I haven't driven myself
since the Carter Administration.
155
00:09:48,916 --> 00:09:50,916
-Uh, are you gonna put on a shirt?
-Yeah.
156
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,750
-It's very distracting.
-Put it away!
157
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:54,791
No.
158
00:09:54,875 --> 00:09:55,875
Shotgun!
159
00:09:55,958 --> 00:09:58,625
Also, we're listening to my podcast
on the way.
160
00:10:02,458 --> 00:10:04,583
Okay, no response yet,
161
00:10:04,666 --> 00:10:08,500
but at least in this version
of the apocalypse we're still dating.
162
00:10:09,041 --> 00:10:12,333
Today, we have on friend of the pod,
Elon Musk,
163
00:10:12,416 --> 00:10:14,625
who I kidnapped and tied to a chair.
164
00:10:14,708 --> 00:10:15,541
Say hi, Elon.
165
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:19,208
God, our banter's electric.
166
00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:23,541
Okay, according to J.R.'s body, that I'm
still having confusing feelings about,
167
00:10:23,625 --> 00:10:26,541
this is where the machine is hidden
with your dad.
168
00:10:26,625 --> 00:10:27,500
What are you doing?
169
00:10:27,583 --> 00:10:29,583
Turning you into a reality scanner.
170
00:10:29,666 --> 00:10:32,250
This is insulting, Reagan.
I look like a Teletubby!
171
00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:33,791
No, you don't.
172
00:10:34,625 --> 00:10:36,625
Now we can use
the power of your tummy screen…
173
00:10:36,708 --> 00:10:37,666
Don't call it that.
174
00:10:37,750 --> 00:10:39,500
…and find out what happened to Andre.
175
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:41,958
Look away. This might be gruesome.
176
00:10:44,708 --> 00:10:48,708
Ah, I've freshly dropped out of college
and stolen this robe.
177
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,000
Hello there, whippersnapper.
178
00:10:54,083 --> 00:10:57,708
Would you be interested in joining
a covert shadow organization?
179
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,083
Well, sure, I…
180
00:10:59,875 --> 00:11:03,375
Whoa, a dollar!
I'm gonna buy a lotto ticket.
181
00:11:03,958 --> 00:11:08,708
Lemon, lemon. Y-Y-Yes!
Fuck, yes! I'm a millionaire.
182
00:11:08,791 --> 00:11:11,375
Okay, so good. He won the lottery.
183
00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:15,000
Now he's America's favorite TV doctor!
184
00:11:15,083 --> 00:11:18,708
In my medical opinion,
this guy's a freak!
185
00:11:18,791 --> 00:11:20,041
Let's party, bro!
186
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:23,041
Uh, I thought
I was gonna get medical advice.
187
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:26,666
My life could not be
any better right now!
188
00:11:26,750 --> 00:11:28,708
I would change nothing.
189
00:11:28,791 --> 00:11:32,000
Wow, universe 1D is treating Andre right.
190
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:33,291
The team will be relieved.
191
00:11:33,375 --> 00:11:36,208
Wait, maybe we should
keep this to ourselves.
192
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,458
These guys tend to get easily distracted.
193
00:11:38,541 --> 00:11:40,041
If they knew Andre was okay,
194
00:11:40,125 --> 00:11:43,625
they might flake out on the mission
and start pursuing their own side plots.
195
00:11:43,708 --> 00:11:46,875
They wouldn't
when the fate of the world is at… Huh.
196
00:11:46,958 --> 00:11:49,000
The fate of the world is at stake!
197
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,708
-I have a thing.
-We're out of time.
198
00:11:50,791 --> 00:11:51,958
-Rain check.
-So dramatic.
199
00:11:54,125 --> 00:11:55,708
You want me to do what about what?
200
00:11:55,791 --> 00:11:57,916
-Overreaction alert.
-Can you hold on?
201
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:09,291
What's going on?
202
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:13,083
How bad is it on a scale from Inception
to Interstellar to…
203
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,625
…Tenet?
204
00:12:14,708 --> 00:12:15,833
Well, actually, he's…
205
00:12:17,291 --> 00:12:19,541
Oh my God. No!
206
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:21,416
Andre is dickless!
207
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,458
What?
208
00:12:22,541 --> 00:12:26,750
Yeah, in this reality he got his dick
stuck in a pretzel maker.
209
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:30,000
Just wetzeled the thing into a… a knot.
210
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,708
And he became a Scientologist.
211
00:12:31,791 --> 00:12:33,125
That's disgusting!
212
00:12:33,208 --> 00:12:34,583
The thing about his dick too.
213
00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:37,000
Are you sure? Let me see that thing.
214
00:12:37,083 --> 00:12:39,291
Guys, we have to focus on the mission.
215
00:12:39,875 --> 00:12:41,208
For Andre's dick.
216
00:12:41,291 --> 00:12:42,458
For Andre's dick.
217
00:12:42,541 --> 00:12:45,083
-Anomaly incoming! Brace yourselves!
218
00:12:57,708 --> 00:13:00,583
Oh God, President Reagan is dead!
219
00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:05,291
Well, I guess if no one's gonna tell me
to tear this thing down,
220
00:13:05,375 --> 00:13:07,791
uh, let's… extend it?
221
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:23,000
What the hell was that?
222
00:13:26,958 --> 00:13:29,916
In this timeline, Russia won the Cold War.
223
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,083
Also, Paul Giamatti is a sex symbol
for some reason.
224
00:13:33,166 --> 00:13:34,250
This is an outrage!
225
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:37,791
Those Russkies will never take me alive.
Suicide pact! Who's in?
226
00:13:37,875 --> 00:13:39,625
It's not worth it! No!
227
00:13:39,708 --> 00:13:41,833
So, we're owned by Russia now.
228
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:44,125
How dystopian could
these timeline glitches get?
229
00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:52,666
Also, dinosaurs never went extinct.
230
00:13:52,750 --> 00:13:54,125
Goddamn it, Rand!
231
00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:59,375
"Shamuzaamskisaurus:
Dinosaur Stalin Whale Genie."
232
00:13:59,458 --> 00:14:05,625
Ridiculous! The gang's favorite movie
is Shazaam starring Sinbad.
233
00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:08,125
"Kuh, kuh!" Kazaam, fuck!
234
00:14:08,208 --> 00:14:10,208
There, there, you're safe now.
235
00:14:10,291 --> 00:14:13,208
I'm starting to hit my limit
on wacky, sci-fi bullshit.
236
00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:15,583
This mission better be worth it.
237
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,750
Fellas, I'm sensing
a classic Reagan screw job.
238
00:14:21,833 --> 00:14:26,041
I just saw Andre's face on a billboard
and his dick looked fine.
239
00:14:26,125 --> 00:14:30,083
What?! If anybody's gonna be famous
in this timeline, it better be me.
240
00:14:40,458 --> 00:14:42,958
Oh, damn it! I knew we should have
taken the UFO.
241
00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:44,291
We have a UFO?
242
00:14:44,375 --> 00:14:47,750
Yeah, but it's always crashing.
Cheap-ass Roswell labor.
243
00:14:47,833 --> 00:14:50,666
Brett, when this is all over,
you can fly the UFO.
244
00:14:50,750 --> 00:14:51,750
-Okay?
245
00:14:51,833 --> 00:14:52,833
I'll fix the flat.
246
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,916
Hold on, Ron. I'll fix this reality.
Just… Just don't go anywhere.
247
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,000
He's a fucking millionaire?
248
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,833
-Oh, shit.
-No, no, no!
249
00:15:19,916 --> 00:15:21,416
I didn't want to show them, Reagan.
250
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,500
Glenn keeps fiddling
with my tummy antenna.
251
00:15:23,583 --> 00:15:26,291
You weren't gonna tell us
that Andre is a millionaire?
252
00:15:26,375 --> 00:15:29,666
And he got a horse penis transplant
and his dick is better than ever?
253
00:15:29,750 --> 00:15:32,666
Maybe Rand's changes
are actually good for the world.
254
00:15:32,750 --> 00:15:35,541
I want to know what Universe 1G
has in store for Gigi!
255
00:15:35,625 --> 00:15:39,125
Guys, guys, let's all calm down.
It's what Shazaam would want.
256
00:15:39,208 --> 00:15:42,291
I lied because I knew you would
get distracted by your own interests
257
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,958
and bail on me again.
258
00:15:44,041 --> 00:15:46,333
You think I forgot what happened
when my dad took over?
259
00:15:47,791 --> 00:15:48,958
What's going on?
260
00:15:49,041 --> 00:15:51,208
I want to see my alternate timeline.
261
00:15:51,291 --> 00:15:53,375
Come here, you glorified Etch A Sketch!
262
00:15:55,333 --> 00:15:58,416
Myc, I never thought
it would happen, but you did it.
263
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,458
You're pregnant!
264
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:04,833
Sweet shiitake, I have spores!
I'm gonna be a mother!
265
00:16:04,916 --> 00:16:06,000
Give me that!
266
00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:13,291
Glenn Dolphman!
267
00:16:13,791 --> 00:16:15,458
Gimme some sugar, Dolores.
268
00:16:16,541 --> 00:16:20,250
You mean there's a timeline
where I didn't get the dolphin surgery
269
00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:21,833
and Dolores never left me?
270
00:16:21,916 --> 00:16:24,041
Goddamn, I miss my fingers!
271
00:16:24,125 --> 00:16:26,625
You know how hard it is to jack off
with fish webs?
272
00:16:26,708 --> 00:16:27,666
Gigi, please!
273
00:16:28,625 --> 00:16:34,208
Just a normal day
as queen of the fucking Illuminati!
274
00:16:34,291 --> 00:16:37,250
Lin-Manuel, start rapping
about how much you suck.
275
00:16:37,333 --> 00:16:38,958
Yes, Queen.
276
00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:49,625
My God, in this timeline,
none of us work for Cognito
277
00:16:49,708 --> 00:16:52,291
and every one of us
lived our goddamn dream lives.
278
00:16:52,375 --> 00:16:53,791
Don't you understand?
279
00:16:53,875 --> 00:16:57,750
Those are just temporary false realities.
We have to get back to the real one!
280
00:16:57,833 --> 00:16:58,666
I get it.
281
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,666
You want to keep the timeline
from changing
282
00:17:00,750 --> 00:17:03,708
because you finally found a boyfriend.
283
00:17:03,791 --> 00:17:05,083
What? No!
284
00:17:05,166 --> 00:17:07,583
Well, maybe some of us
are sick of our realities
285
00:17:07,666 --> 00:17:08,958
and we'd like better ones.
286
00:17:09,041 --> 00:17:12,916
All I know is, I'm ready
for the joys of motherhood! Myc out!
287
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:17,166
I hereby honorably discharge myself.
288
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:20,083
Wait, Gigi--
289
00:17:20,166 --> 00:17:23,166
Look, this is something
I've wanted my whole life, Reagan.
290
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:25,083
I… I have to take this chance.
291
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:28,416
Gigi's Louboutin has a home
in Lin-Manuel's ass.
292
00:17:32,125 --> 00:17:33,708
Now wait a goddamn second.
293
00:17:33,791 --> 00:17:37,583
You're telling me everyone on the team
got positive timelines except us?
294
00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:40,250
What in the reverse
white privilege shit is that?
295
00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,666
J.R., in front of you! Look out!
296
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:58,708
Reagan, I'll tend to J.R.
You complete the mission.
297
00:17:58,791 --> 00:18:01,500
Thanks, AB.
You've been a real team player today.
298
00:18:01,583 --> 00:18:04,041
It was nice to finally have a team.
299
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:09,333
Wait, you had those the whole time?
I'm literally missing an arm.
300
00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:11,500
Again, such a good job today.
301
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:16,416
Leave it to my dad
to destroy reality
302
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,916
just to keep his fucking job!
303
00:18:28,041 --> 00:18:31,125
This is crazy. It's like we're walking
through some kind of blizzard.
304
00:18:31,208 --> 00:18:32,708
A reality blizzard.
305
00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:36,000
Note to self, pitch show
called Reality Blizzard to Amazon.
306
00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:38,875
Nolan can co-EP, but not show run.
He'll be too controlling.
307
00:18:38,958 --> 00:18:42,541
Brett, focus. Now is not the time
to coin new sci-fi shit.
308
00:18:42,625 --> 00:18:45,750
The time anomalies are reaching
maximum impossibility limit factor.
309
00:18:45,833 --> 00:18:46,666
You have to hurry!
310
00:18:51,625 --> 00:18:54,416
The final showdown, us versus your dad.
311
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,833
You think he's got it booby-trapped?
What's wrong?
312
00:19:01,666 --> 00:19:03,916
Thanks for sticking by me
when no one else did.
313
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,583
A good leader wouldn't drag
their best friend
314
00:19:07,666 --> 00:19:09,250
into their dad's bullshit.
315
00:19:09,333 --> 00:19:11,958
I don't know if we'll ever get back
to our realities,
316
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:14,625
but I've seen yours and it looks good.
317
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:16,375
If I succeed, I'll see you again.
318
00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,958
But if not, good luck, Brett.
319
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:21,208
But…
320
00:19:29,791 --> 00:19:33,000
All right, asshole!
You've messed with my life long enough!
321
00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:41,833
No, that's not it.
322
00:19:42,875 --> 00:19:43,833
I want to just…
323
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:49,125
What?
324
00:19:53,208 --> 00:19:57,250
Dad, are all these bottles
half full of whiskey or… pee?
325
00:19:57,333 --> 00:19:59,458
Oh, I lost track days ago.
326
00:19:59,541 --> 00:20:04,041
I thought that you were trying to get
revenge on the Robes for firing you.
327
00:20:04,541 --> 00:20:05,875
Why are you doing this?
328
00:20:06,625 --> 00:20:08,291
That's how many times.
329
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:11,083
That's how many times
I tried to get you both back.
330
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:14,125
You and your mother.
Into the same timeline.
331
00:20:14,208 --> 00:20:15,750
But it never works, Reagan.
332
00:20:15,833 --> 00:20:19,458
No matter how many times I try,
you both hate me.
333
00:20:20,166 --> 00:20:22,625
You did all this just to get us back?
334
00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:23,916
I had everything.
335
00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:27,458
I had my job, I had power.
336
00:20:27,541 --> 00:20:29,958
I know it's a fucking cliché,
but it's true.
337
00:20:30,041 --> 00:20:32,750
You don't know what matters most
until you lose it.
338
00:20:33,916 --> 00:20:37,250
Please, help me fix it.
Help me get her here.
339
00:20:37,333 --> 00:20:39,458
Dad, this was never gonna work.
340
00:20:39,541 --> 00:20:41,625
You can't just hit a button over and over
341
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,875
and expect a relationship
to go back to the way it was.
342
00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:50,708
And I know that it is scary
to give up control.
343
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,708
You don't have to do it alone.
344
00:20:52,791 --> 00:20:54,750
Let's shut this thing down together.
345
00:20:56,416 --> 00:20:58,666
Guess our shit timeline's
better than nothing.
346
00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:00,708
Let's pack it in, kiddo.
347
00:21:06,416 --> 00:21:07,375
-Agh!
348
00:21:07,458 --> 00:21:10,500
-Reagan!
349
00:21:10,583 --> 00:21:13,166
So there you are, partner.
350
00:21:13,833 --> 00:21:16,500
Look at you.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
351
00:21:16,583 --> 00:21:19,333
What? How do I look
like I'm enjoying anything?
352
00:21:19,416 --> 00:21:20,916
You see these pee jars?
353
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:23,500
All year, you've put me through hell,
354
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:27,791
and then you went and gave everyone else
on the team their dream timeline
355
00:21:27,875 --> 00:21:30,958
after I propped your drunk ass up
your whole career?
356
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:31,875
Oh, please.
357
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:35,708
Without me, you'd be another rich brat
working in the non-shadow government.
358
00:21:35,791 --> 00:21:39,708
I've been taking your advice my whole life
and look what I have to show for it.
359
00:21:39,791 --> 00:21:43,291
I'm gonna get what's coming to me.
The money, the house, the car!
360
00:21:43,375 --> 00:21:46,583
And I'm finally gonna get
my humorous essays published
361
00:21:46,666 --> 00:21:48,541
in the goddamn Harvard Lampoon!
362
00:21:48,625 --> 00:21:51,500
J.R.! The machine,
it's totally unpredictable.
363
00:21:51,583 --> 00:21:53,833
Press that button,
you could end up in hell.
364
00:21:53,916 --> 00:21:56,291
I'm willing to take that chance.
365
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,500
J.R., you are going
to destroy the universe!
366
00:22:10,208 --> 00:22:11,583
No!
367
00:22:11,666 --> 00:22:14,500
I was finally gonna get an infinity pool!
368
00:22:16,083 --> 00:22:17,125
Wait, is that…?
369
00:22:23,958 --> 00:22:25,791
Brett! You came back!
370
00:22:25,875 --> 00:22:28,333
But how did you remember this reality?
371
00:22:28,416 --> 00:22:30,166
I made notes on my poster,
372
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:32,541
and then that helped me remember
that we had this!
373
00:22:32,625 --> 00:22:34,583
Oh, a poster.
374
00:22:34,666 --> 00:22:38,166
I tattooed my whole body
with liquid tinfoil for nothing.
375
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:40,625
Plus, we got to take the flying saucer.
376
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:42,416
Wait, what do you mean "we"?
377
00:22:46,416 --> 00:22:48,250
Guys, but why?
378
00:22:48,333 --> 00:22:49,875
We got to our alternate timelines,
379
00:22:49,958 --> 00:22:52,041
but the more your dad
kept pressing that button,
380
00:22:52,125 --> 00:22:53,625
the more they all went to shit.
381
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:57,125
Turns out I wasn't pregnant.
I just had way too much Del Taco.
382
00:22:57,208 --> 00:22:58,333
I've been there.
383
00:22:58,416 --> 00:23:01,791
And I almost bent the knee
to the goddamn Russkies.
384
00:23:02,333 --> 00:23:04,750
I serve only you, President Putin.
385
00:23:05,250 --> 00:23:07,958
Wait a second. What the heck am I saying?
386
00:23:08,041 --> 00:23:09,250
Better dead than red!
387
00:23:13,458 --> 00:23:15,958
Thank you, convenient alien spaceship.
388
00:23:16,750 --> 00:23:18,750
And I got tired of having a horse penis.
389
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:22,750
Okay, hear me out, what if I surgically
gave you a horse vagina?
390
00:23:22,833 --> 00:23:26,375
Where are you going,
my wife Scarlett Johansson?
391
00:23:27,958 --> 00:23:31,958
I had to run the Illuminati's
Disney Channel division, Reagan.
392
00:23:32,041 --> 00:23:33,541
Doc McStuffins?
393
00:23:33,625 --> 00:23:36,583
More like Doc McStuffed
with satanic messages!
394
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:44,500
And I was the world's
preeminent puppeteer.
395
00:23:44,583 --> 00:23:46,166
But that world is so catty.
396
00:23:46,875 --> 00:23:48,666
Your stitching is…
397
00:23:48,750 --> 00:23:50,500
…fine.
398
00:23:51,166 --> 00:23:53,708
You said something nice, but it felt mean.
399
00:23:54,750 --> 00:23:57,416
So we rebooted our memories
and now we're here.
400
00:23:57,500 --> 00:23:58,958
Glad to have you back, guys.
401
00:23:59,041 --> 00:23:59,875
Glad to be back.
402
00:23:59,958 --> 00:24:00,791
-Me too!
-Amen.
403
00:24:00,875 --> 00:24:03,916
I'll admit,
I'm finally starting to like you guys.
404
00:24:09,916 --> 00:24:12,875
Alpha-Beta's memory drive should let us
restore the timeline
405
00:24:19,291 --> 00:24:20,416
Okay. Now.
406
00:24:23,416 --> 00:24:25,000
-Yes!
407
00:24:25,083 --> 00:24:28,708
Wait, to when you reprogrammed him?
So that means…
408
00:24:28,791 --> 00:24:29,625
SHAZAAM - SINBAD
409
00:24:29,708 --> 00:24:32,958
Great. Well, now my back tattoo
makes no sense.
410
00:24:34,583 --> 00:24:36,291
Hey! Where are you taking us?
411
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:38,375
And what does this mean for my internship?
412
00:24:38,458 --> 00:24:41,041
You're both going
in front of the Robes for sentencing.
413
00:24:41,125 --> 00:24:44,208
I better not wind up sharing a cell
with that asshole again.
414
00:24:44,291 --> 00:24:45,708
College was enough.
415
00:24:45,791 --> 00:24:51,250
Dad, maybe going to Shadow Prison X is
the best way to protect you from yourself.
416
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,375
I spent my whole life
thinking you were a hero or a villain,
417
00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:57,083
but you're not. You're just… my dad.
418
00:24:57,166 --> 00:24:58,166
A screw-up.
419
00:24:58,708 --> 00:25:01,166
Well, I think interventions are bullshit.
420
00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:04,708
But in this case, you might be right.
421
00:25:04,791 --> 00:25:05,833
I might be what now?
422
00:25:05,916 --> 00:25:08,166
You're right, okay?
423
00:25:08,250 --> 00:25:10,541
I'm sorry for everything, kiddo.
424
00:25:10,625 --> 00:25:14,291
When you run Cognito,
just do things better than I did.