1
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,341
Hi, come on in.
2
00:00:07,441 --> 00:00:09,710
Hi. I'm checking in.
3
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:10,711
Alicia Walker.
4
00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:11,779
Yes, welcome.
5
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,547
Let me just find
your reservation.
6
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,116
And now she's going to do
that thing where
7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:16,850
she pretends that there's
multiple reservations
8
00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,253
to make it seem as if
this business is doing well.
9
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:21,555
Uh-huh, here it is.
10
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,357
The Maple Suite for one night.
11
00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,160
So, Alicia, what brings you
to Ulster County?
12
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:29,130
Actually, sort of you do.
13
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,731
You're Samantha, right?
14
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From the Alberta Haynes
murder podcast?
15
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Oh, we got a fan.
16
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Yeah, that's me.
17
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:38,572
I just had to come see the
place where Alberta died.
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She's sort of
a personal hero.
Oh, Sam,
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00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:42,776
you got to upgrade
this girl. She is
20
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:44,578
too good for Maple.
Put her in Pine.
21
00:00:44,678 --> 00:00:45,879
And bust out
the free Toblerone.
22
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:48,749
Actually, Alberta and I
are related.
23
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,917
What?
24
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:51,285
She's my
great-grandmother's sister.
25
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Oh, my God.
26
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,457
This is my baby sister
Reese's kin.
27
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:59,793
Wow. That's so cool.
A relative of Alberta's?
28
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,062
Sam, ask her how many
other kids Reese had.
29
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,597
Can I ask you...
And, uh,
30
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,300
what their names were
and how many kids they had!
31
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,901
Aah!
I have so many questions.
32
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:10,704
I should probably whittle it
down to just one to start.
33
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I haven't spoken
to a family member
34
00:01:12,473 --> 00:01:14,508
in 100 years.
35
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:16,510
What happened
to Uncle Al?
36
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,579
Did he ever kick
that gambling addiction?
37
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,047
Oh, and what about...
38
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Are you still thinking
of the question?
39
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,854
Yeah, it'll be a minute.
40
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:35,629
What's going on?
41
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,465
We're watching
this sauce simmer.
42
00:01:37,565 --> 00:01:39,633
Jay's making his
secret ragù recipe.
43
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Interesting.
I guess you could say
44
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,306
this is a house of secrets.
45
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,475
Right, Hetty and Trevor?
46
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What does that mean?
47
00:01:49,310 --> 00:01:51,445
Uh, he's clearly referring to
48
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:53,214
the secret stash
49
00:01:53,314 --> 00:01:55,816
of chocolates that Jay keeps
hidden in his sock drawer.
50
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Yes.
51
00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,787
That's what I was talking about.
52
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:05,226
Okay. Well, this needs
another 45 minutes.
53
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,127
I'm gonna go watch
the bird bath.
54
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,297
I hate my life.
55
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:11,665
Can you believe that?
56
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:14,202
Yeah, you want to get in
on that bird bath action?
57
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,136
I'm talking about Nigel.
58
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,772
He walked in on us
in the throes of...
59
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:20,674
you know, and now
he's taunting us
60
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:21,975
with his knowledge
of our affair.
61
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,377
Yeah, whatever.
62
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,413
I'm not losing sleep
over that British twerp.
63
00:02:25,513 --> 00:02:26,747
It's intolerable.
64
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,682
I do not like being
in this position.
65
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:31,285
Well, I know a position
that you do like being in.
66
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,387
How dare you?
67
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,557
Oh, meet me downstairs
in five minutes.
68
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,292
So, what does she do?
69
00:02:38,392 --> 00:02:39,793
Oh, is she married?
70
00:02:39,893 --> 00:02:42,129
Uh, so, uh,
what do you do, Alicia?
71
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,364
I'm a lawyer.
72
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,832
Oh, that means she's smart.
73
00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:47,335
Y'all know how hard it is
to get into law school?
74
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,337
I went to law school.
Shut up, Flower.
75
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:50,471
So, is she seeing anyone?
76
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:52,005
I don't see a ring.
Sam, find out
77
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,073
the scuttlebutt.
78
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,276
Are you married
or dating anyone?
79
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,945
Oh. Okay. Uh, I've been dating,
80
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,514
but, you know, uh,
i-it's tough out there.
81
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,882
The apps are a nightmare.
82
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:04,051
She hates apps?
Has she tried jalapeño poppers?
83
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:05,786
The only nightmare
is when you're done.
84
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:08,088
I used to crush it on
the dating apps, okay?
85
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:09,457
Do you have a
picture with a dog
86
00:03:09,557 --> 00:03:10,858
or a tiger? Ooh,
87
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,192
have you learned the
trick where you photoshop
88
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:14,061
yourself in front
of Machu Picchu?
Jay.
89
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,663
Sam, we got to get this thing
back on track.
90
00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,198
You know who did have
an interesting dating life
91
00:03:18,299 --> 00:03:19,267
is Alberta.
92
00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:20,901
Ooh-hoo! Oh, yeah.
93
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,203
All those bootleggers
and gangsters.
94
00:03:23,304 --> 00:03:25,806
Oh, yeah, I did have a type,
but what you gonna do?
95
00:03:25,906 --> 00:03:27,741
The bad boys are much more fun.
96
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,543
Oof, sorry, Pete.
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00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,978
Yeah, that felt pointed.
98
00:03:31,078 --> 00:03:33,447
You know, she just had
such a colorful life.
99
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:36,917
Ooh, ooh. Did you ever hear
the story about her performing
100
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,986
and there was a fight
that broke out in the front row?
101
00:03:39,086 --> 00:03:41,121
Alberta straight-up
102
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,291
knocked out one of the guys
with her mic stand
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00:03:43,391 --> 00:03:44,825
and just keeps on singing.
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00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,994
Hit him right on the downbeat.
No one even noticed.
105
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,262
You know what, babe?
106
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:50,531
You should have Alicia
on the podcast.
107
00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:52,733
Oh, wow,
I'd love to be on the pod.
108
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,403
Great idea. I will reach out
to my co-host Todd
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00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:56,404
and see if he's available.
110
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,673
Can't you just interview
someone yourself?
111
00:03:59,773 --> 00:04:01,542
We don't need to drag
creepy Todd into this.
112
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,844
I'd love to meet Todd.
She doesn't
113
00:04:03,944 --> 00:04:05,779
understand what she's saying.
She's never met Todd.
114
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:07,648
And of course Todd
would be extremely hurt
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00:04:07,748 --> 00:04:09,583
if I recorded an episode
without him.
116
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,486
Uh, yeah, I already agreed.
117
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,154
That's fine
with me.
118
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,525
Ugh, fine. Let's get that
weird little man back here.
119
00:04:18,726 --> 00:04:20,694
All right,
120
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,663
you filthy little
teapot, you have us
121
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,365
over the proverbial barrel.
122
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,799
What will it take
to buy your silence?
123
00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:28,736
You know, I haven't really
given it much thought.
124
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:31,572
Though, I suppose if pressed,
125
00:04:31,672 --> 00:04:34,141
I would like to reside
in the room with the TV.
126
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:35,509
Dude, that's my room.
127
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,645
Oh, I guess it is.
128
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:39,179
Well, this will be easy.
129
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,449
We switch rooms, and no one
will ever be the wiser
130
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,250
about your dirty little liaison.
131
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:45,118
Done.
132
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:46,520
Lovely.
133
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,589
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. I love my room,
134
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,257
and I don't want to
live in a library.
135
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:52,793
When I was alive, I didn't even
like going in the library.
136
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,028
You know what, we don't even
care if people find out.
137
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,866
Mm.
You're serious. Nigel,
138
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:02,603
Trevor and I need
some time to discuss.
139
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:05,339
Of course. I will stay tuned.
140
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:07,207
That's a little television joke
141
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,176
in honor of where
I'm about to move.
142
00:05:11,912 --> 00:05:13,914
I hate British humor.
143
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,216
Landship just pull up.
144
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,519
Alberta's voice blaring
from stereo.
145
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,888
Okay, you know "stereo"
but not "car"?
146
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:22,590
I think you're doing
this on purpose.
147
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:24,091
Ugh, that must be Todd.
148
00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:26,527
The things we do for family.
149
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,862
Hello, Woodstone!
150
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:32,065
Oh... he's back.
151
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,301
To clarify, I said "he's back"
not "his back,"
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00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:36,203
which is the thing
that has your face on it.
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00:05:36,303 --> 00:05:38,772
Hey, uh, Todd.
This is Alicia.
154
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:40,841
Alicia, this is
my co-host, Todd.
155
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:42,543
It's exciting to meet
a descendant
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00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,578
of the great Alberta Haynes.
157
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:47,080
Oh, wow, it is so nice
158
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,149
to meet you.
I'm a huge fan.
159
00:05:49,249 --> 00:05:51,452
You know,
I actually read your book.
160
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,687
Oh, you're the one.
161
00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:55,088
You're funny.
162
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,324
Fairly confident
that was not a joke.
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00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,159
But thank you, that means a lot.
164
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,929
The life of a historian
is a lonely one.
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00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,131
We don't do it for the glory
or the fame.
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00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,900
Or the ability to move out
of your mother's house.
167
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,403
Vox clamantis in deserto.
168
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:10,871
Excuse me?
169
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:12,272
"A voice cries out
in the wilderness."
170
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,974
Yes, yes, that's exactly
how I feel sometimes.
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00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,744
Were you a classics major, too?
Minor.
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00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,245
I majored in dance.
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00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:20,380
But it's great to meet
a fellow scholar.
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00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,450
Okay, what the hell
is going on here?
175
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:25,419
I'm no expert, but it seems
like they're hitting it off.
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00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,220
I'm gonna, uh, go freshen up,
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00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,624
but, Alicia,
I can't wait to talk
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00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,392
all things Alberta
with you later.
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00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:33,661
Can't wait.
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00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:37,731
Is he single?
181
00:06:37,831 --> 00:06:41,669
I've never asked, but
I'm going to assume yes.
182
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,170
I can't believe it.
183
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,405
My descendant
is hot for Todd.
184
00:06:51,445 --> 00:06:54,281
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Alberta's
descendant was into Todd?
185
00:06:54,381 --> 00:06:55,616
She found him
charming and funny.
186
00:06:55,716 --> 00:06:56,817
She asked if he was single.
187
00:06:56,917 --> 00:06:58,385
Todd?
The guy who has
188
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,153
Alberta's toenail in a jar?
189
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:01,689
And has a computer printout
190
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,124
of what his and Alberta's baby
would look like? That Todd?
191
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,125
Yeah.
To be fair,
192
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,260
baby did look pretty cute.
193
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,062
Sam! Help! Oh!
194
00:07:09,162 --> 00:07:11,298
I just eavesdropped on
their romantic stroll.
195
00:07:11,398 --> 00:07:13,601
They're making plans to have
dinner together here tonight.
196
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:16,169
Golly, dinner?
That's the most romantic meal.
197
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,905
It's the one
that's usually inside you
198
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:18,972
when things get frisky.
199
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,040
Thank you, Pete.
200
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,341
How is this happening? Todd?
201
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:22,976
It is puzzling.
202
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,646
That said, Benjamin Franklin
was a celebrated womanizer,
203
00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,147
and he looked like a walrus.
204
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,149
Ha!
Sam, if you think about it,
205
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,751
this is kind of your fault.
206
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:32,820
My fault?
How is it my fault?
207
00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,522
Well, you always edit out
all the weird stuff
208
00:07:34,622 --> 00:07:35,823
he says on the podcast.
209
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:37,290
Yeah, 'cause
I want to make him seem
210
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,560
credible and professional...
211
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:42,129
Oh, my God.
I've normalized Todd.
212
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,396
You have to fix this, Sam.
213
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,032
How can I possibly fix this?
214
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,700
They are two consenting adults.
215
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,336
If the problem is
Alicia is unaware of Todd's
216
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:51,605
weirdness, you must simply
illuminate her,
217
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:52,940
like we did with the colonists
218
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,775
when it came to the evils
of King George.
219
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,109
Oh, get over it.
220
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,511
Truth hurts, sweetie.
221
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:58,779
You two.
222
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,948
Isaac's right.
You just need to tell Alicia
223
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,816
all the weird stuff
that we know about Todd.
224
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,852
Yes, codblock him.
225
00:08:04,952 --> 00:08:06,119
Is term I learned
226
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,555
from watching
reality dating show.
227
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:09,757
Best way to stop guy
from getting girl,
228
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:10,958
codblock him.
229
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,993
It's not "codblock." It...
230
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:16,263
It doesn't matter.
Either way, it feels wrong. Sam,
231
00:08:16,363 --> 00:08:18,699
you have to
do this, for me.
232
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:21,501
As you know,
I died young.
233
00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:23,136
Young-ish.
Whoa.
234
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:24,504
Sorry.
235
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:27,107
Reality TV
making Thor catty.
236
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:29,743
And one of the worst things
my murder took away from me
237
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,745
was my chance to have kids,
238
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:35,515
to be a parent and help
guide someone through life.
239
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:37,384
And now that Alicia's here,
240
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,754
this could be my one
chance to help my family.
241
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:41,855
Please.
242
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,991
You're right.
243
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,793
Let's codblock Todd.
244
00:08:45,893 --> 00:08:46,760
Oh, yes!
245
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,662
Yes! Codblock!
246
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,464
What are we celebrating here?
We're denying
247
00:08:51,565 --> 00:08:53,901
two lonely people
a chance at love.
248
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,169
Not sound great when you
put it that way,
249
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:57,871
but will be fun to watch. Yes.
250
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,540
Okay, so,
what's the play here, huh?
251
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,175
We're gonna dig up dirt
on Nigel?
252
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,011
The play is that
253
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,047
we're going to do
exactly what he wants.
254
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:08,415
You're giving him your room.
255
00:09:08,515 --> 00:09:09,683
But I don't want to do that.
256
00:09:09,783 --> 00:09:12,419
And who cares
if he tells people?
257
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:15,555
Isn't it more exciting
when it's hidden?
258
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,024
I mean, sure,
259
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:19,860
but we can figure something out.
We can role-play.
260
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,895
Maybe you're a mermaid
and I'm the co-owner
261
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,397
of a wholesale fruit
and vegetable business.
262
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,333
We're not doing Splash.
Stop asking.
263
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,701
Now, let's
just go talk
264
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,603
to Nigel and get
this whole thing over with.
265
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,905
Wait, I thought
this was all
266
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,540
just a bit that you did.
267
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:36,009
That you're embarrassed
of being with me.
268
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:37,745
I just thought
it was playful--
269
00:09:37,845 --> 00:09:41,949
if a little mean--
banter, but it's real?
270
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:43,216
You're that ashamed?
271
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,252
Oh, how do I put this?
272
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,520
I was a woman
273
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,056
of extremely high status,
274
00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,357
and you
275
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:52,425
got bombed at Mardi Gras
276
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:54,662
with your Lehman Bros.
Yeah, we did.
277
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,797
Also, the pants thing.
278
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:58,365
The pants thing
is hard to get past.
279
00:09:58,465 --> 00:10:02,135
So, I'm not good enough for you?
280
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,804
Well, I mean, that's more harsh
281
00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,073
than I would have liked
to have put it, but...
282
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:07,708
Well, you don't have to be
embarrassed anymore.
283
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,810
Because this is over.
What?
284
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:13,513
No more hooking up,
no more whatever this is.
285
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,249
Oh, God, don't be so dramatic.
286
00:10:16,349 --> 00:10:17,417
I'm not kidding.
287
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:18,919
I was fine keeping it a secret
288
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:21,588
when it was just 'cause
it was hot, but this...
289
00:10:21,689 --> 00:10:23,691
this doesn't feel good.
290
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,127
And the pants thing
was because of a hero move.
291
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:29,262
Why does no one remember that?
292
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:33,466
So,
293
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,502
did you always know you wanted
to be a historian?
294
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,705
And follow-up,
is one a historian
295
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:41,308
if they also wait tables
at something called Bennigan's?
296
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:44,277
All of my life.
And I truly love it, you know?
297
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:45,578
I love my subject.
298
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,480
It is not mutual.
What about you--
299
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,982
do you like being a lawyer?
300
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,384
Honestly, it's fine.
301
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,820
But, I don't know,
302
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,855
sometimes I feel like
I took the safe path.
303
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:56,824
What's wrong with safe?
Girl, you killing it.
304
00:10:56,924 --> 00:11:00,093
Yeah, she drive landship
with seats made of cow.
305
00:11:00,193 --> 00:11:02,129
Okay, I've heard you
say "leather" before.
306
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,396
Are you messing with us?
307
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,733
I guess if I had to
do it over again,
308
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:09,402
I've always thought I could
be a singer, like Alberta.
309
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,204
You should absolutely do that.
310
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:13,640
He's trying to turn her into me,
the creepy bastard.
311
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:14,842
Do you really think so?
312
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,476
Yes, solicit career advice
from the guy
313
00:11:16,576 --> 00:11:17,911
who lives with his mother,
that's a good move.
314
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,748
Hey, we wouldn't be here today
if Alberta Haynes
315
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:23,350
hadn't had the guts
to go after her dream.
316
00:11:23,450 --> 00:11:25,052
That's very true, Todd.
317
00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,387
Thanks.
318
00:11:28,722 --> 00:11:30,023
Oh, hand-on-hand action.
319
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:31,825
Looks like Todd just
got to first base.
320
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,393
Oh, Sam, get in here.
321
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:34,962
Cod need blocking now!
322
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:37,297
Hey, uh, so how's
it going in here?
323
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,465
Very well.
324
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:39,733
Let me put it like this:
325
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:40,968
if either of these
two have a van,
326
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,269
they're both gonna
be in it soon.
327
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,337
Hey, Todd, I almost forgot,
328
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,572
uh, how's your mom doing?
329
00:11:45,672 --> 00:11:47,574
Uh, she's good.
Thanks, Sam.
330
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:49,209
Yeah? Cool.
331
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:50,343
He lives with his mom.
332
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,445
So, uh, mind
if I join you guys?
333
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,214
Nice codblock, Sam.
334
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,383
So, you live with your mom?
335
00:11:56,483 --> 00:11:58,819
Just while I look
for my own place.
336
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,587
Oh, it's pretty convenient
for work, though, right?
337
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:02,756
Because the museum
is in her garage.
338
00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:04,291
Is it?
For now,
339
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:07,260
but interest in Alberta
is really picking up.
340
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,561
Speaking of--
why don't you
341
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,730
show Alicia the tattoo
of Alberta's face
342
00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:11,965
that you have?
I-It covers,
343
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,666
like, the majority
of his back.
344
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,202
She went there. Wow.
It's so gross.
345
00:12:15,302 --> 00:12:16,904
Well, we're at the dinner table.
Don't let up.
346
00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,638
Hit her with the toenail.
347
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,540
By the way, uh, do you
still have Alberta's toenail
348
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:21,708
on display at the museum?
349
00:12:21,809 --> 00:12:22,742
Her toenail?
350
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,311
Why do you have her toenail?
351
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,113
I bought it online.
352
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:27,614
So, enough about me.
353
00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,116
Where did you go to college?
354
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:31,084
He wants to clone Alberta.
It's very exciting.
355
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,821
I should let Todd
speak about it.
356
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:34,788
Cloning?
357
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,656
Uh, yeah, it's pretty normal
358
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,025
historian stuff.
359
00:12:38,125 --> 00:12:40,527
Hey, would you rather
go out for dinner?
360
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,329
Just the two of us?
361
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,998
I have a discount at Bennigan's
362
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,466
if there's one around here.
363
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,101
You know what, Todd?
364
00:12:48,201 --> 00:12:49,837
I think we should just
forget dinner.
365
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:53,673
Yes! Cod got blocked,
you creepy bastard.
366
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,408
Was it the toenail thing?
367
00:12:55,508 --> 00:12:57,277
It didn't help.
368
00:12:57,377 --> 00:12:59,012
Well...
369
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,881
I'm sorry it didn't work out
for the two of us,
370
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:02,883
but that's
the longest relationship
371
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:04,617
I've had in several years.
372
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:06,519
Thank you.
373
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,788
Ooh! Bullet dodged.
374
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,024
Victory on my first
day as a parent.
375
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:12,225
Thank you, Sam.
376
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:14,694
He seems so normal
on the podcast.
377
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,596
Oh, he is a little eccentric.
378
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:17,831
Well, it's all good now.
379
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,132
Your auntie's
watching over you,
380
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:21,368
making sure you
don't trip up.
381
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,203
He's definitely weird,
382
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,738
but he did have
one interesting thought.
383
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,674
Oh, what was that?
He said I should
384
00:13:27,774 --> 00:13:29,642
quit being a lawyer
to pursue my dream
385
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:31,744
of a singing career.
386
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:34,581
And he was right.
I'm gonna do it.
387
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:37,851
Wha... Uh-uh, no!
I just fixed you.
388
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,619
Why are you doing
something dumb again?
389
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,088
That's the thing
about parenting.
390
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,689
The victories are
very short-lived.
391
00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,257
Welcome to club.
392
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:45,758
I'm going after my dream.
393
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,360
Damn it, Todd.
394
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,402
Trevor, what are you
doing in here?
395
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,437
Just hanging out in my new room.
396
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:59,172
This is the most time
I've spent in a library
397
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,909
since I found out that Penn
had Playboy on microfiche.
398
00:14:02,009 --> 00:14:05,212
Well, but...
You switched with Nigel?
Well,
399
00:14:05,312 --> 00:14:06,746
he said that he was still
gonna tell everyone
400
00:14:06,846 --> 00:14:08,681
about you and I
if I didn't give up my room.
401
00:14:09,749 --> 00:14:11,184
And while I don't give a crap...
402
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:13,586
I know you do.
403
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:16,789
But... you broke things off.
404
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,692
Why, then, still do something
selfless for me?
405
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:22,896
Because, Hetty,
that's the kind of guy I am.
406
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:26,633
Kind of guy you could've had if
I wasn't such an embarrassment.
407
00:14:26,733 --> 00:14:28,468
Now, please leave.
408
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,103
My shirt's not long enough
to cover my butt,
409
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:31,738
and I want to roll over.
410
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,774
This is a nightmare!
411
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,476
Now Todd's convinced
my descendant
412
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:37,911
she should throw
away her career
413
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:39,146
to pursue singing?
414
00:14:39,246 --> 00:14:41,214
Shouldn't you be happy
about this?
415
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,849
She wants to follow
in your footsteps.
416
00:14:42,950 --> 00:14:45,818
My footsteps were hard.
It was cutthroat,
417
00:14:45,919 --> 00:14:48,455
full of shady characters
and backstabbers.
418
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,490
I know, 'cause I did
a lot of backstabbing.
419
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,459
I get it. Kids can
be a nightmare.
420
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,261
One time, my daughter
Laura lost her headgear
421
00:14:54,361 --> 00:14:55,862
in the garbage disposal.
422
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:58,031
I don't have a
more relevant adult example
423
00:14:58,131 --> 00:15:00,767
because...
But I feel your frustration.
424
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:02,402
I also am expert
425
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:06,373
at parenting, as father
to adult male baby ghost,
426
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,375
so feel free to lean on me.
427
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:09,909
Okay, Thor,
what should I do?
428
00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,645
You should be okay
with Alicia marrying Dane
429
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,347
because she does
not know better.
430
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:15,949
Child, what?
Yeah, that's
431
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,384
wildly unhelpful here, big guy.
432
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,987
Still, if ever come up,
very good advice.
433
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,188
Okay.
434
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:22,655
First, I would like
435
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,691
to thank you all for gathering.
436
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:28,295
I have an announcement to make.
437
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,530
This news will be shocking,
438
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,799
so if any of you need to sit,
please do so now.
439
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:36,970
Wait, are you saying
what I think you're saying?
440
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,238
Are you sure about this?
441
00:15:38,338 --> 00:15:41,008
As sure as I'll ever be.
442
00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:43,876
For the past three months,
443
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,545
Trevor Lefkowitz and I
444
00:15:45,645 --> 00:15:49,149
have been engaged
in amorous congress.
445
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,484
Hetty's in Congress?
446
00:15:51,584 --> 00:15:53,286
No, we've been scrumping.
447
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,088
Is that a dance?
448
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,157
Playing a game of nug-a-nug?
449
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,092
Must I be vulgar?
450
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,593
Fadoodling!
451
00:16:00,693 --> 00:16:02,895
Oh, for God's sakes, people.
452
00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,331
We've been doing it.
453
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,199
Oh...
454
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:08,835
I-I can't wait to find out
who their third is.
455
00:16:08,935 --> 00:16:10,270
This is the stuff
I should've known about.
456
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,704
You're slipping, Sass.
457
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,940
You finally found
your stable boy.
458
00:16:14,041 --> 00:16:16,409
Happy for you, Henrietta.
459
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,747
Enjoy the library, Nigel.
460
00:16:20,847 --> 00:16:23,716
There's a chessboard down there.
You may want to study it.
461
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,753
Because I just checkmated you.
462
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,688
Yes, I understood.
Thank you.
463
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,091
Good.
464
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,325
Okay,
465
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:33,760
we got to hear
how this happened.
466
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:37,764
Well, it all started
on a very horny Hanukkah.
467
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:38,765
Oh, God.
468
00:16:38,865 --> 00:16:40,667
Hi, Todd.
469
00:16:40,767 --> 00:16:43,103
How you doing?
Honestly? Still a little
470
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,637
reeling from our breakup.
471
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:46,573
You literally dated her
for a quarter of an hour.
472
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:50,277
But I'm a professional,
and I'll push forward.
473
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:52,179
That's very admirable, Todd.
474
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:54,114
And thanks again
for the pep talk
475
00:16:54,214 --> 00:16:55,382
about my singing career.
476
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,783
Oh, you're actually
considering that.
477
00:16:56,883 --> 00:17:00,920
I slept on it
and prayed on it, and yeah,
478
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,455
I might be crazy, but
479
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,591
I don't want to have regrets.
480
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,859
And I know Alberta
would say the same thing.
481
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,528
No, she would not.
482
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:10,197
Sam, tell her
she's being a fool.
483
00:17:10,297 --> 00:17:13,100
You don't quit a job like hers
to pursue some crazy fantasy.
484
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,102
I mean, we don't even know
if the girl can sing.
485
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:17,804
Have you ever actually done
any professional singing?
486
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:19,072
A little.
487
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,707
I sing with a wedding band
on the weekends.
488
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:21,774
Baby girl,
that's not the same thing
489
00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:23,410
as making a career out of it.
490
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:26,146
Right, but it is a pretty big
career change.
491
00:17:26,246 --> 00:17:29,582
Didn't you and your husband quit
your jobs to start this B and B?
492
00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:31,518
That's a pretty fair point.
Yeah, she makes
493
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:34,020
good points, Pete, which is
why she's a good lawyer,
494
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,256
which is why she
should stick to that.
495
00:17:36,356 --> 00:17:38,391
Hey, I was thinking,
496
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:39,859
since you have a big audience,
497
00:17:39,959 --> 00:17:41,594
maybe I could sing on the pod.
498
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,096
Get some exposure.
499
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,431
There was a song
500
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:46,065
Alberta used to perform
back in the '20s,
501
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,768
the night that she hit that
guy with the mic stand.
502
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:51,604
Now, I'm not warmed up,
but it'll go
503
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,407
a little something like this.
504
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:57,610
♪ There's a somebody ♪
505
00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:01,548
♪ I'm longing to see ♪
506
00:18:01,648 --> 00:18:04,484
♪ I hope that he ♪
507
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:07,787
♪ Turns out to be ♪
508
00:18:07,887 --> 00:18:11,724
♪ Someone who'll watch ♪
509
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,761
♪ Over me... ♪
510
00:18:14,861 --> 00:18:18,331
Oh, my God,
she's incredible.
511
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:21,334
♪ I'm a little lamb ♪
512
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:24,471
♪ Who's lost in the wood ♪
513
00:18:24,571 --> 00:18:27,707
♪ I know I could ♪
514
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:31,378
♪ Always be good ♪
515
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:35,081
♪ To one who'll watch ♪
516
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:39,619
♪ Over me. ♪
517
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,756
I know, it was amazing.
518
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:46,526
Yeah. I think that's good.
519
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:49,696
Screw it.
Sam, you tell her to go for it.
520
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:50,997
She better than Alberta.
521
00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,565
All right,
everybody calm down.
522
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,207
Welcome to the Alberta Haynes
murder pod,
523
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:02,575
recorded here
at Woodstone Mansion.
524
00:19:02,675 --> 00:19:04,244
Located a convenient
distance from the city,
525
00:19:04,344 --> 00:19:05,645
Woodstone B and B features
526
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:07,013
the world-renowned cooking
527
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,681
of chef
Jay Arondekar,
528
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,383
whose tandoori lamb chops
529
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:13,653
the Menu Hunter
recently called "orgasmic."
530
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,655
She made love to those
chops the way I made love
531
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,090
to the rhythm section
of Country Joe and the Fish.
532
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:21,694
And now, back to
the Alberta Haynes murder pod.
533
00:19:21,794 --> 00:19:25,632
We're speaking with Alberta's
descendant Alicia Walker...
534
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:27,467
You sure you're okay
with Alicia going after
535
00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,102
her singing dreams?
Mm. She's got the gift.
536
00:19:30,203 --> 00:19:31,904
I don't know if she
gonna make it, but
537
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,673
she won't if
she doesn't try.
538
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,808
And if, at some point,
while out there on the road,
539
00:19:35,908 --> 00:19:39,879
she meets and falls in love
with Dane...
540
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,314
now you know what to do.
541
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,782
Yes, thank you, Thor.
542
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,284
And as we've discussed,
543
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,386
Alberta was dating
Earl Boudreaux
544
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:47,854
when she died, and...
545
00:19:47,954 --> 00:19:49,155
And in a note found here
546
00:19:49,256 --> 00:19:51,291
at the mansion,
we learned that Earl
547
00:19:51,391 --> 00:19:53,226
and a woman named "T" wanted
548
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:55,995
to "get Alberta out of the way."
549
00:19:56,095 --> 00:19:58,265
Sweetie, I thought you were
just doing commercials.
550
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,234
Nope. Your mistake
was giving me a microphone.
551
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,135
This is so fun. So,
552
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:05,838
Alicia, any idea who this T was?
553
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:07,407
I don't know T,
554
00:20:07,507 --> 00:20:09,141
but my great-
grandmother Reese
555
00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,943
dated Earl after
Alberta's death.
556
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:13,280
Theresa got with Earl?
My Earl?
557
00:20:13,380 --> 00:20:15,348
Oh, my God,
I just had a thought--
558
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:17,784
could "Reese" be short
for "Theresa"?
559
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,185
Holy cow.
560
00:20:19,286 --> 00:20:20,853
Yes, and-and according
to the family tree,
561
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,923
her sister's name was Theresa.
562
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,326
So, could she be T?
563
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:28,428
Did my own sister murder me?
564
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:31,097
Did Alberta's own sister
murder her?
565
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:34,467
Did my own
sister murder me?
566
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,503
Flower, it was a bear.
Oh, right.
567
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:39,872
Oh, my God, that would be crazy.
568
00:20:46,946 --> 00:20:49,849
Captioning sponsored by CBS
569
00:20:49,949 --> 00:20:52,652
and TOYOTA.
570
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:56,188
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org