Y'all gonna just stand around,
or you wanna ask me some questions?
[Marty] Dad got fired from his job at the White House.
We can move anywhere.
[Martha] Daddy did not get fired.
[lawyer 1] Mitchell will be the one holding the bag, trust me.
[lawyer 2] Probably be happy to go to prison
to get away from Martha.
[Sirica] Conspiracy to commit burglary
and wiretapping.
I sentence you to the maximum penalty
allowable under federal law.
We'll reconvene in two months' time
to formalizing sentencing.
[Liddy] You ever threaten to squeal again,
it'll be the last time you ever squeal.
Pat Gray is feeding me their reports, okay?
You satisfied?
[Liddy] Oh, director of the FBI. Very impressive.
It's only a matter of time
before they figure out what's going on.
Maybe it's the routine that scares me.
I just want you to know
I can't imagine the rest of my life without it.
My own boy, Jay, is over there
fighting for his life as we speak.
- Who is it for you? - My little brother.
I'm a doer. I don't just sit around and do nothing.
And if you don't do your own talking,
someone is gonna do it for you in this town.
[reporter] Should the Nixon administration
be afraid of you, Mrs. Mitchell?
Well, I think you know the answer to that.
Attagirl, Martha.
[suspenseful music plays]
♪ ♪
[indistinct chatter, cameras whirring]
Good afternoon.
Uh, the president would like to assure the public
that when it comes to illicit profit
from land deals in California, uh, he has nothing to hide,
uh, despite what leftist Democrats might allege.
[laughter]
On the contrary, the president
has paid his full and normal tax load,
just like any citizen.
Therefore, an examination of his personal taxes
at this point feels like a political ploy
and is simply not necessary.
Any further update on the subject
will come through official channels, uh,
before you hear it in the secretarial pool at The Post.
[laughter]
And with that, I'd like to open it up
to any questions.
- [reporter] Mr. Ziegler. - [Helen] Over here.
Helen.
Yes, I was wondering if the White House
has any comments on the accusations
currently being levied against the president--
Yeah, now uh, before you go any further, Helen.
Uh, I have been made aware
that there is a certain citizen individual
who has gotten herself some attention,
uh, in the press as of late--
Martha Mitchell.
Well, I'm not naming any names, Helen.
Um, but I would just like to say
that we all have a certain nature,
something to which we must adhere.
And the nature of this particular individual
has been rather bellicose and unreliable.
["25 or 6 to 4" playing]
Please welcome a woman who's fast becoming
the biggest thorn in Richard Nixon's side
since Pat shoved him into the rose garden...
[laughter]
...the captivating, controversial,
undeniable Martha Mitchell.
[cheers and applause]
Mike, you make me sound like a best seller.
Now, Martha, you are the first person
that I'm aware of to publicly accuse
the president of responsibility for the Watergate break-in.
Pretty sure I won't be the last.
But Mrs. Mitchell's making some very grave accusations
against the president.
I would be remiss to point out
that they are accusations that no one else has made.
[news anchor] President Nixon has been re-elected
by a landslide.
[Mo moaning]
[Chicago] ♪ Sitting Cross-legged on the floor ♪
Will you marry me?
[both laughing]
[Chicago] ♪ Twenty-five Or six to four... ♪
I, Richard Nixon, do solemnly swear
I will faithfully execute the office
of president of the United States.
You also accused the president
of ordering your alleged imprisonment in California.
Yes, I do, and I-I also believe
that the president is attempting
to leave my husband holding the bag for his dirty tricks,
and I won't let that happen.
You always speak your mind on our show, Martha.
- We really appreciate that. - I do. I speak my mind.
I am a Southern woman. We speak our minds.
We talk. I never stop talking.
I bet your husband just loves that.
He takes it in stride.
[cheers and applause]
[Chicago] ♪ Wanting just To stay awake... ♪
What?
They're admirers.
[crowd clamoring]
Jimmy, it's been so long,
I was beginning to think we weren't friends anymore.
[Chicago] ♪ Should I try To do some more... ♪
What you hearing at The Tribune these days, anyway?
I don't think the woman's in her right mind.
She might call herself a Republican,
but she's not one of us.
She's a truth teller.
[Martha] Well, look at what they did
to poor Dorothy Hunt?
She was on that horrible plane that crashed,
and then they found $10,000 cash on her.
Seeing as how this person cannot be stopped
or reasoned with in any way,
uh, the White House harbors the fervent hope
that she can avail herself of familial comfort
and professional help.
♪ ♪
[laughter]
♪ ♪
[cheers and laughter]
- [laughs] - Oh!
[Tom] What do you say about the rumors
out of the White House that you've struggled with alcohol?
I say a rumor is just a lie without a home.
She's a lush and a pill popper too.
She's got problems emotionally and whatnot,
but, um, who doesn't?
♪ ♪
[Martha] They were the ones that stonewalled
Wright Patman's committee in the House last October.
Well, then I can be your source,
'cause I'm telling you it's factual.
Oh, you know what I forgot to ask you?
Did you get those Hummels I sent after the wedding?
And you stated elsewhere that your goal
is to take down Nixon.
But the president's approval numbers just keep climbing.
If the American people
knew half of what I do about their government,
they wouldn't have much to approve of.
So Mrs. Mitchell's behavior
isn't getting to the first lady or the president,
as has been reported?
Do you hear yourself when you ask these questions?
I mean, for criminy's sake, come on.
Let me ask the obvious question.
What is obvious?
Are you crazy?
Yeah.
[both laugh]
Frickin' loudmouth.
Freedom-loving.
Limousine liberal.
Groovy liberated.
Commie bitch.
♪ ♪
[bailiff] All rise.
This court is now in session
with the Honorable Judge John Sirica presiding.
You may be seated.
Gentlemen, I called you in today for a formal sentencing.
But first, I'd like to say a few words.
When I was a younger man,
Jack Dempsey was my sparring partner.
I don't say that to boast,
and I certainly don't say it to imply
that I wasn't getting pummeled every Tuesday at the Y.
But I know what it means to have heart.
And frankly, the group of you have shown a lot of heart,
taking all the licks you have in this courtroom.
And I believe it's to be commended.
But a fighter also has to know
when it's time to throw in the towel.
Which brings me to a very interesting letter
I received this morning...
...from Mr. McCord.
"Certain questions have been posed to me
from Your Honor through the probation officer"--
You rat fuck!
I'll fucking-- I'll fucking kill you!
- [gavel banging] - [Sirica] Order!
I will fucking kill you!
- [Sirica] Remove him! - [Liddy] You fuck!
I'll fucking kill you!
You fuck! I should've fucking killed you
when I had the chance!
- [Sirica] Get him out of here! - [Liddy] You fuck!
[jackhammer rattling]
[siren wailing]
[phone rings]
[knock at door]
[dramatic music plays]
Come in.
The partners brought these over for you to sign.
How are you settling in?
Oh, you know.
I know.
Looking like you got a little sun.
Oh, stop.
Any calls from the White House?
They're probably just...
busy.
I ran two of Dick's campaigns, the ones he won.
The least you'd think I could expect is to get
a goddamn fucking call back.
Oh, I never saw that one.
Look at those two young men.
Not my best angle.
Oh, stop. You look handsome.
You know, I always wondered.
Do he and Pat ever...
Oh. [chuckles]
Not since Trish was born.
[both laugh]
Too bad.
And, uh, Mr. Mitchell, if you ever need anything,
uh, I'm right outside your door.
You know that, right?
Of course. Thank you, Diana.
[Mitchell sighs]
God damn it.
- [intercom buzzes] - [Diana] I'm sorry
to bother you again, Mr. Mitchell,
but I-I think you should turn on the news.
[news anchor] In what reads like a wish list
for the prosecution, James McCord's letter alleges
a massive campaign of sabotage and obstruction
on the part of the Nixon administration.
Reports from Capitol Hill cite Mr. McCord's letter
as a reason to open a Senate committee
dedicated to the Watergate matter.
If that happens, both present
and former members of the administration
may become targets of the investigation.
The news will come as a shock
to the newly re-elected president,
who might have considered the burgeoning scandal
safely behind him.
[inquisitive music plays]
[Martha] "Mr. McCord has joined lone voices
"in the wilderness such as Martha Mitchell
"in publicly implicating the president's closest aides
in the Watergate break-in."
Well, at least now they will see
I was right about the whole rotten lot of 'em.
Are you sure you don't want any?
Yes, thank you.
[Martha] Mm.
Boy, they've really got 'em lined up now.
[laughing] Bunch of bowling pins.
[sighs]
Martha, can we focus on the book?
I-I really wanna get some work done today.
Oh. Of course.
You have my undivided attention.
So the Pine Bluffs records office
didn't have a death certificate on file for your father--
Oh, Maria! Ooh!
This is my good friend Maria from back in the New York days.
Maria, this is Winzola McLendon.
She is my biographer and a first-rate journalist.
Right up there with Helen Thomas.
[Winnie chuckles]
[Maria] A biography?
Martha, you are too much for this town, I swear.
Oh, guess who I ran into at the A&P.
- Who? - [Maria] Jay.
[gasps]
Jay, your son?
You said he was still in Vietnam.
[Martha] Oh, no, he's been stateside for a while now.
Living with all those Jews down in Baltimore.
[Maria] He's such a kind boy. Won the Silver Star, you know.
Purple Heart. Now, did he mention to you
that he has moved in with that little girlfriend of his?
I darn near hit the roof.
Can I interview him? For the book.
But you have me, the greatest source of all.
Yes, it just might be interesting is all.
Well, of course, if that's what you want to do,
but I will give you a piece of advice.
If that little girlfriend of his
invites you over for dinner, take an entrée.
[whispering] She's a vegetarian.
[Maria laughs]
Although there are reports that the convicted
Watergate conspirators might be first
to testify at the formal hearings,
which begin a week from Thursday,
Ervin and Baker would only say that the witness list
will be out later this week.
And the first set of hearings will last...
[Haldeman] Hey there!
How's married life treating you, champ?
[Dean] Uh, it's only been a week,
but so far, so good. [chuckles]
Yeah, Mo is a-a little peeved
we had to stick around D.C., and, uh--
Oh, I'm so sorry you had to cancel your honeymoon.
Now this damn McCord letter's gotten everybody in a fright.
Yeah, no, it's, uh-- it's all right.
You know, we hadn't actually left yet,
so it was just a matter of unpacking.
[Haldeman] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Well, still, the president, he feels awful about it.
He and the first lady would like to gift you
a little getaway weekend.
Something to tide you over until you and the missus
can spring for the real honeymoon.
- You gotta be shitting me. - [Haldeman] No.
President never shits anyone about Camp David.
- [laughs] - [Haldeman] Here are the keys.
Directions, list of amenities should be included.
This is unbelievable.
I-I--thank you so, so much. I--
Oh, my God, Mo's gonna flip.
I--this-- I don't know what to say.
- You earned it. No. - [Dean] Oh.
And look, it'll be good to have a little time away
from the city to write that investigative report, right?
[Dean chuckles]
I'm sor--um...
sorry, i-investigative report?
Oh, yeah. Did nobody tell you?
Oh, huh. Oh, okay.
No, it's just something, uh, Dick wants typed up.
You know, some legalese that separates the White House
from any involvement.
You know, boilerplate stuff, something to help
put an end to all this Watergate fuss, but...
Well, right, right. It-it-it's just, um--
[Kay] Sir.
It's Mitchell calling for you again.
[Haldeman] Oh.
Can you, uh, tell him I'm in a meeting, Kay?
- [Kay] Yes, sir. - [Haldeman] Please. Thank you.
Goddamn.
That pathetic bastard. He just--he won't take a hint.
You know?
Don't tell me he's been calling you too.
Well, once or twice. I-I haven't actually answered.
Yeah, I tell you, he should do something useful
and put a shovel to that embarrassment of a wife.
[both chuckle]
You-you go enjoy Camp David.
Uh, well, uh, as I was saying, sir,
um, you, uh-- about that report--
Yes.
Do--you know, with all the r-renewed media scrutiny,
do you really think it's wise
that I put my name on an investigative report
without doing an actual investigation?
Hmm.
Yeah, could seem a little fishy, huh?
I mean, I-I-I could be indicted for obstruction of justice.
Technically.
Right. Yeah.
No, you know what? Forget it.
Really?
The president would never wanna put you in a tough position.
- [Dean] Right. Of course, yeah. - Not at all.
No, we got it covered, lover boy, all right?
You go enjoy Camp David, all right?
I will. Thank you, sir. My goodness.
This is--this is incredible. Thank you. Thank you so much.
You're so welcome. No, you've earned it.
[Dean] I'll send you a postcard.
- [laughs] - [Haldeman] Okay, please do.
- [Dean] Thank you, sir. - All right. Have fun.
[Dean] Thank you.
[inhales deeply]
[grunting]
[phone rattles]
[clears throat]
Kay, could you be a doll, please,
and get me John Mitchell now?
Thank you.
[whimpers]
[indistinct chatter]
[Gray] Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Good day.
Um...
firstly, I want to commend you on your excellent work
as part of the Watergate task force.
There's a lot of armchair quarterbacks in this town,
but I think we could all benefit
from a lot more positive reinforcement.
Am I right? This guy knows I'm right.
Secondly, you may hear some news
over the next few days
about my leadership, uh, of the bureau.
The last year or so, it seems I have been
in communication, um, with...
certain folks at the White House...
regarding the state of the investigation,
giving them...
copies of the 302s and so forth.
Copies of the 302s?
- [Gray] And-- - Excuse me, sir.
I'm sorry to interrupt.
You're not saying that you've been leaking our investigation
to the people we've been investigating.
[laughs]
I mean, I wouldn't exactly,
but, uh, yeah, that's, uh,
about right, yeah.
That sounds, uh, accurate.
And all that's gonna come out.
Uh, at this point, I think it might be in keeping
with my desire to create
a more open and, uh, inclusive working environment
that I would open up, uh, the forum to some questions.
Which you-you can...
submit in writing to my secretary
to be answered at a future date.
Un-fucking-believable.
Ah. [laughs]
Look at the time. I've gotta run to a meeting.
Uh, great work. Thank you.
Let's keep this going. [chuckles]
I can't believe it.
I can.
Fuck it.
If Gray's gonna be stuck doing damage control,
forget the protocol.
Why don't we just start doing real police work?
[engine buzzing]
["I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight"
playing over radio]
[Mo laughs]
[Linda] ♪ Now the weekend's come ♪
♪ I'm gonna Throw my troubles away... ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want to see The bright lights tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Meet me at the station Don't be late... ♪
[person] Mr. and Mrs. Dean, welcome.
Hello.
[Linda] ♪ I need to spend some money ♪
♪ And it just won't wait... ♪
[Dean] Welcome to Camp David, Mrs. Dean.
[Mo laughing] Oh, my God.
[Linda] ♪ Take me to the dance And hold me tight ♪
[both laugh]
[Linda] ♪ I want to see The bright lights tonight ♪
[Mitchell] Oh, I thought I'd been cast off on an iceberg.
[Rose Mary] John, welcome back. You've been missed.
He's just been so busy lately. You know how he gets.
Well, I ought to.
I am the poor bastard's best friend, aren't I?
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
[Ehrlichman] Speak of the devil.
- [Haldeman] Hey, John Mitchell. - [Colson] Oh!
- [Ehrlichman] There he is. - [Colson laughs]
John, great to see you.
- [Mitchell] Bob, hey John. - How are ya, chief?
[Mitchell] Chuck, what are you all doing here?
Where's the big enchilada?
[Haldeman] Oh, Dick got pulled into an emergency meeting,
but he sends his best.
Yeah, have a seat.
Uh, scotch? You prefer gin?
[Ehrlichman] You know John Dean's the only faggot
who drinks gin around here.
[laughter]
Maybe I should schedule
when it's a better time for the president.
[all groan]
[Ehrlichman] That won't be necessary.
We could use your input on a couple of details
he's been asking us about.
[Colson] Yeah, couple sticky wickets.
A few things you can clear up for us, sir.
Mm-hmm, what-what-what do you-- what do you got?
[Haldeman] Well, for instance...
this Gordon Liddy character.
Now, he was part of your outfit at CREEP, correct?
Him, Hunt, and McCord?
You've met Liddy.
You've all met Liddy.
Hmm. I don't recall that.
[Colson] No. Me neither.
[Ehrlichman] Drawing a complete blank.
Maybe you could just refresh us on exactly
- how you recruited him. - [Ehrlichman] Mm-hmm.
[Haldeman] You know, in fact,
might be best if you just took us
through the whole planning and operation
- of the thing from your end. - [Colson] Just for clarity.
Just we can see how it all came together.
You put the ball in motion on this thing, correct?
The break-in was your brainchild, right?
[Haldeman] That's right.
[suspenseful music plays]
♪ ♪
You know, John... [sighs]
...I'm-I'm a little fuzzy on it.
In fact, the only break-in I can remember is, uh...
the Ellsberg.
That was your job, right?
And, Bob, weren't you point on that plan
to firebomb the Brookings Institute?
Or-or was that you, Chuck?
It was a shame that one didn't happen.
I-I thought there'd be a great weenie roast.
[laughs]
All right.
And then there's those nights where--
where we all sat up,
trying to figure out how to secretly bomb
the fuck out of Cambodia.
I think we get the point.
[Mitchell] Have you got the point,
or you need it fucked up your ass
and broken off on the other end?
[gulps]
♪ ♪
[Mitchell laughs]
[laughter]
I was fucking with you.
Yup. You're so tense.
You fucker.
[laughter]
[Haldeman] He's fucking with us!
All right, well, uh, I think that's about it.
Thanks for coming in, you friendless sack of shit.
I have enjoyed every minute of it, you fuck-for-brains.
[Haldeman] Can't wait for this one
to be frog-marched to prison, huh?
[Mitchell] You talentless bunch of shit-gibbons
are more likely to be the first there.
What do you think? What do you think?
[Haldeman] Get ass cancer and die.
Bye-bye, now.
Wait. Are there microphones in here?
- [Haldeman] Jesus, Chuck. - Wh-which--
They're in here, right? They're in there.
That's where they are.
- [phone rings] - [Rose Mary] Oval Office.
[sighs]
[siren wailing]
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
- No, no. - [Lano] Mr. Magruder!
How you doing today?
I don't know if we've formally met.
I'm Special Agent Angelo Lano.
This is my partner, Paul Magallanes.
- No way. No way. Thank you. - [Lano] What's going on?
I-I know who you are.
I've seen you around. I gotta go.
I gotta pick up my kid for the dentist.
[car horn honks]
[Magallanes] Well, we were wondering
if you could help us clear up
some of the illicit communications
between CREEP and FBI Director Gray.
Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there, uh, Pancho Villa,
because I-I don't know anything
about any secret, uh, communications--
illicit communications with the FBI.
So why don't you two, you know, buzz off?
[Magallanes] Mr. Magruder, I know you don't wanna
find yourself on the business end
of a 14-year sentence for obstruction of justice.
- [Magruder] Hey, okay. - [Magallanes] Or do you?
Okay, I know what you're trying to do here, all right?
You think that you can, uh, you know, just intimidate me
because I'm just gonna roll over
and let you fuck me up the ass.
Yeah. That's right. That's right.
You wanna come here to my place of business,
and you wanna fuck me.
You wanna fuck me up the ass. Both of you.
Please get yourselves off of my Oldsmobile.
[Magallanes] All right.
Maybe it's time we give the poor guy a break.
- He's not talking. - [Lano] No? You don't think so?
[Magallanes] I don't think so.
[Lano] That's too bad, because the first one
who talks gets sweetheart deal, right?
[Magallanes] That's right.
I don't want the sweetheart deal.
Man of steel, gotta give him that.
- Fort fucking Knox. - [chuckles]
[Lano] We'll see you soon.
Why? Why would you see me?
I don't--I don't know anything.
Did you not hear me tell you?
I am ignorant of what you are talking about.
You fuck me, I fuck you.
- [Magallanes] All right. - [Lano] Yup.
I fuck you.
[Lano] See you soon, Jeb.
["True Love Leaves No Traces" playing]
♪ ♪
I wouldn't be the first, right?
[both laugh]
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ As the mist ♪
- Mine are flawless. -♪ Leaves no scar ♪
♪ ♪
♪ On the dark green hill ♪
♪ ♪
♪ So my body ♪
[laughs]
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ Leaves no scar on you ♪
[Mo laughs]
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ And never will ♪
♪ ♪
Oh, shit.
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ Through windows ♪
♪ In the dark... ♪
Oh, great!
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ The children go ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Like arrows ♪
♪ With no targets ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Like shackles... ♪
[gasps] Oh, my God.
[Dean laughs]
That was mean.
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ True love leaves no traces ♪
Oh!
[Leonard and Ronee] ♪ If you and I are one ♪
♪ ♪
♪ It's lost In our embraces... ♪
[both laugh]
[Mo] We'll probably be the first people
to ever have sex here.
[both laugh]
[Dean] They're-they're beaming these in from a-a satellite?
[people screaming over TV]
- This one's from Japan. - [Mo] Mm.
Isn't that far out?
[dramatic music playing over TV]
[TV clicks off]
Hey, what's wrong?
My mother is such a complicated woman,
but she would always tell me that she knew
that she was going to spend the rest of her life
with my father from the moment that she met him,
and I was always looking for that exact same feeling
and so worried that I didn't feel it
or couldn't feel it at all and--
And you felt it when you met me.
No, that's what I'm saying.
I, at first, hated you so much, so much.
Oh, it was overwhelming. You must've felt that, John.
But then I got to know you, and all of a sudden, I...
...I just--I don't know.
It's not anything like my mom said it would be.
I feel like I'm only capable
of loving you desperately
or hating your guts,
which I still do some afternoons.
That's not very romantic, is it?
I--you know what it is? I'm drunk.
- [Dean] No. - That's all it is.
You're-you're scared.
I don't know. Maybe.
[Dean] It's okay. It's okay. I'm scared too.
I've never been here before. I don't know how all this ends.
But I know that we're here. We made it this far.
- We're at Camp David. - [both laugh]
I don't know, I thought getting married
was supposed to take away the fear.
We have nothing to fear but fear itself.
Oh.
- Is that Mama Cass? - [both laugh]
Refill on your drink, Mrs. Kennedy?
That sounds--yeah.
Why don't you make it a double?
Oh, I serve at the pleasure of the president.
[TV clicks on]
[dramatic music playing over TV]
The investigation should be thorough
and aboveboard.
- And second... - Your boyfriend's on.
[Nixon] ...that if there were any higher involvement,
we should get the facts out first.
White House counsel John Dean has been assigned
to monitor these investigations.
I entrusted the task of getting me
the written report to Mr. Dean.
Whatever the facts might be,
I wanted the White House to be the first to make them public.
- [protestor] Shall we march? - [all] Yeah.
In the streets! In the streets!
- [protestor] All right. - Free Martha Mitchell!
[all] Free Martha Mitchell!
[Martha] I have put down the only earrings
that go with this necklace, and I just cannot--
Now I'm late.
[TV announcer] ...here on the par-three golf course
on Monday night...
You have been moping for weeks
while I have been out defending our reputation.
[Mitchell] Oh.
From where I sit,
looks a bit more self-serving than that.
[Martha] Self-serving?
[Mitchell] Look at these freaks.
[all] Free Martha Mitchell!
You're practically a teen idol, just what you always wanted.
That'll goose book sales.
We're looking at boarding schools.
Be sure to clear your schedule.
[Mitchell] Diana'll take care of that.
She's very attentive.
Don't, uh, let Marty stay up too late.
And there's pot roast in the kitchen if you get hungry.
[Mitchell] I won't.
[siren wailing over TV]
What the hell, Bob?
Come on, you--
No, you said I didn't have to write that report.
Well, the president's plastering it
all over the news.
That's-that's my name out there.
I could go to jail for this.
Listen. I am on your side.
But Dick just isn't gonna budge on this.
If you nut up and do the right thing,
then it'll just be a lot easier for everyone.
Is-is that a threat?
Of course not, buddy.
I just want to help you get out of your own way.
I hope you're having fun up there.
No, Bob. Bob? Bob?
[Carson] What song is sung at a dress-up party on Fire Island?
[laughter over TV]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
[inhales sharply]
[exhales heavily]
I feel like something's going on.
[Martha] Whoo-ooh.
Somebody was hungry.
[chuckles]
[Mitchell sighs]
I just--I feel strong when I'm with you.
Like I can do anything.
[Diana] Oh, John.
When we're in the office together,
I can barely stand it.
I want you inside me so badly.
[Mitchell] Mm. Soon.
We'll book a room at the Roosevelt
and sneak off.
[both laugh]
- [Diana] Oh, my God, John. - [both laugh]
[suspenseful music plays]
♪ ♪
You really think this is gonna work,
just sitting here like this?
[Lano] Oh, yeah.
Big-time.
Once we had this potential witness
in a white-collar case.
Criminal mastermind like this guy here.
We did everything to get him to talk,
but nothing worked.
Then my partner gets this idea,
stake out his house for the weekend
just for the fuck of it.
I'm telling you, within seven hours,
this asshole comes out to the car and says he'll talk.
- Wow. - Yeah.
It's one thing to feel like a criminal when you're alone.
It's another thing to feel it
when you're with your wife, your children.
It feels invasive somehow, unbearable.
He'll be singing to the special prosecutor
by tomorrow morning.
[Magallanes] Deputy campaign director.
Guy shouldn't be deputy director
of a fuckin' White Castle.
It--this is some charmed gringo shit right here.
- That's what that is. - What do you mean, gringo shit?
You saw when new assignments went up last week, right?
[Lano] Yeah.
All the Hispanic guys got shit jobs, right?
[Lano] Well...
- Well? - [Lano] Yeah.
- Translation. Transcription. - [Lano] Okay.
You know what they used to call guys like me
- when I was at the Academy? - [Lano] What?
The Taco Squad.
- [laughs] - Don't laugh.
That's cafeteria shit-talk.
It's not a big thing.
So you're telling me
it wouldn't get under your skin if you were part of the--
I don't know, the-the-the Dago Division?
Look, I'm just sayin',
we're all jockeying for a spot at the trough, right?
Even Sergeant Dickhead over here.
[Gail] You have to drink something.
- [Magruder] It's a hot one. - [Gail] Yeah.
Okay.
[Mo] Why didn't you tell me about this, John?
I don't know.
I'm such an idiot.
I just--I thought if I--
if I kept it all a secret,
then eventually, it would just...
go away.
That's the logic of a five-year-old.
I'm-I'm-I'm your wife.
That's not really how this works.
I know. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Okay, so this investigative report
that Haldeman wants you to write--
[Dean] I told you the report is a sham.
If I write it, I am the first official
with knowledge of the cover-up to lie about it publicly.
That is what they want.
They wanna pin it on me
so that they can squash any more investigations.
[Mo] What happens if you refuse to do that?
[Dean] Wha--if I ref--[laughs]
Th-they'll draw and quarter me in the press.
They'll destroy me.
You don't know what kind of tools
they have at their disposal, Mo.
I should know, I've used them.
[laughing] Oh, my God. Stop talking.
I know I let you down. I-I'm--
I-I didn't mean to keep things from you.
I just--it all got out of hand.
[Mo] Okay.
I'm only gonna say this one time, okay?
You cannot ever do this to me again, ever.
I know.
Okay.
Now, you obviously can't write that report,
and we cannot let them drag you through the press.
So what's the third option?
I-I can't just walk
into the special prosecutor's office.
Why not?
Because I'm-I'm at the center of this thing.
I'm the bad guy.
Well, what if you're the guy who saw an injustice
and decided to do something about it?
Wh-what do you mean?
I'm saying--okay, if you come out against these people,
these criminals,
you no longer have a legal problem, right?
You have, what, a-a-a PR problem.
And you know what?
I-I've spent my entire life
creating versions of myself to please people
to get what I want,
and what I want is for you not to go to jail.
So we just...
teach you how to do that.
We're gonna have you tell the truth
in a way that America likes you.
Create a version of you that people can see themselves in.
I think that's how we win this, John.
That's how we get free.
You just have to trust me.
Oh.
I mean, do you trust me?
Yes.
I love you... so much.
Thank you both so much for meeting me.
Oh, thank you.
Um, I would offer you some,
but I-I hear that you're a vegetarian.
Martha told you that?
Fantastic.
[Winnie laughs awkwardly]
So, um, listen, Jay,
I was surprised when your mom mentioned
that you were back from overseas.
[laughs]
Well, actually, I've been back a few years now.
My mother sometimes likes to tell people
from the press I'm still fighting.
You know, exaggerate for effect.
Drunks tend to do that.
Um, and I have here that your father, Clyde,
divorced your mother in 1957.
[Jay] Yeah, that's right.
I-I guess she met Mr. Mitchell the year before,
and, um, I was nine,
so I-I don't really know much about that.
Okay.
And, um, what can you tell me about growing up with your mom?
Um, anything will help, um, you know,
memories, anecdotes, that sort of thing.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, oof. Well...
Look, there is a reason why Martha never talks about Jay.
- Well-- - It's because
she left him behind with everything else
from her past that she'd prefer to forget.
- I-I'm sorry? - Sharon--
She is a selfish, troubled woman
who happened to raise a sensitive and loving son.
But I don't credit that to her mothering
any more than I credit a hurricane
for the next sunny day.
Understand?
Yeah.
Right.
Now, if you will excuse me, I have to use the ladies' room.
Sorry about that.
She's just a little protective of me.
[Winnie] That's okay.
Strong women tend to be that way.
I brought something that I wanted to give you.
[clears throat]
It's just some things of my mother's
that I've collected over the years.
Old photos.
Stuff she left behind.
Uh, maybe it might help with your book.
Of course.
Thank-thank you so much. That's--
So how's she doing, anyway?
She's fine.
Yeah, she's playing a pretty dangerous game
with the press right now,
antagonizing the White House like that, but, uh...
she's tough, your mom.
You know, she has a way of, um,
working against herself.
Yeah, that sounds like her.
[Winnie] There are days when I think
I should just move on and cover something else,
but she calls me up and wins me over, so...
Look, I know my mom is a lot to handle...
...but don't give up on her.
Thank you.
[suspenseful music plays]
♪ ♪
Martha, if we don't leave now, we're gonna be late.
Great, it's a boarding school tour,
not La Scala. Come on.
Well, I have to wear it somewhere.
Otherwise, it's a waste, and you never take me anywhere.
[Mitchell] Zolton's been waiting an hour down there.
You're awfully grumpy. Up late?
[Mitchell] Not now.
[Martha] I'll take a number like everybody else.
What are we up to now?
[Mitchell] Don't listen to your mother.
She's full of stories.
And gin.
[Martha] I'd have to be drunk to put up with you.
♪ ♪
[bell tolling]
[indistinct chatter]
[tour guide] These are our social grounds,
a place to relax with new friends.
- [Martha] Eyes forward. - [Mitchell] Stop it.
[Martha] I'd say they're all too young for you,
but you never listen to your wife.
[Mitchell] We are not gonna do this here.
[Martha gasps]
Oh, I think that one
might have her learner's permit.
[laughs]
[tour guide] Over this way, you'll see the sports courts.
We believe a healthy body promotes a healthy mind.
[Martha] Mm, maybe I should take a lover too,
take the pressure off.
[Mitchell] You're the one that keeps creating the pressure,
the one on television every second of the day.
Shh.
[Martha] Well, I wouldn't have to go on TV
if you had the guts to speak out.
Oh, God. Not this again. I can't take it anymore.
Hey. Could you guys keep it down?
Keep yourself down, buddy.
- Excuse me? - Come on, Martha.
There are children here.
Tell them to mind their own damn business.
Hey, pal, might wanna handle your wife.
- The hell you say to me? - Dad.
[parent] Maybe this is the reason
the president canned you, asshole.
How dare you speak to my husband like that?
[tour guide] If I can direct your attention
to the field hockey area?
[parent] What are you gonna do, lady?
You gonna go on TV and make a sucker
out of me like you did to your husband?
Stop it. Stop it.
You smug little prick.
- [people gasp] - [Marty] Dad.
Oh!
[both grunting]
- [Martha] Jackass. - [parent] Jerk.
[tense music plays]
You all right, darling?
- Mitchell. Oh! - [crowd gasps]
Dad?
[Martha] Somebody get a doctor, please.
Somebody get a doctor.
[Marty] What's wrong? What's happening?
Just catch your breath. Just catch your breath.
[Marty] Daddy, what's wrong?
Daddy, are you okay?
♪ ♪
- [car door slams] - [Magallanes and Lano groan]
[Lano] Fuck.
They not teach you to use a waste bin
at the Academy? My word.
[Lano] Uh, Mrs.-Mrs. Magruder.
Hello. May, uh--
can we--can we help you?
My husband, he suffers from the nocturia.
[Lano] Um...
- what? - The what?
Nocturia.
It's a medical term for an overactive bladder
brought on by anxiety.
So when he's nervous, he has to pee, and so he pees.
But right away, he immediately gets this burning sensation
like he has to go again.
It's just a trick his mind is playing on him.
Uh...
I'm-I'm sorry, Mrs. Magruder--
Call me Gail.
Uh, sure, Gail.
Why are you telling us this?
Mmm.
Because ever since the two of you amateurs
have been sitting outside of my house,
Jeb has been inside going back and forth to the restroom
as if it's an Olympic sport.
The poor dummy is convinced you boys are gonna haul him off
to some secret prison in Bolivia or something.
He can't stop peeing. It's driving me crazy.
Well, we sympathize with you, Gail.
But if Jeb didn't want anyone looking over his shoulder,
maybe he shouldn't have gotten himself involved
in a criminal conspiracy.
You're not listening to me.
My husband is not an intelligent man.
Yeah.
[Gail] But he knows how to do the right thing.
A few days ago, I was this close to convincing him
to go to talk to the special prosecutor.
And then you two boneheads showed up.
Wait a minute. You're saying--
Get the fuck out of here,
unless your goal is to send my husband
into a piss-induced coma!
Give me a day.
And if Jeb doesn't turn himself in,
you boys can camp here all fucking month.
[Lano] She just took our pizza.
[knock at door]
[Winnie] Hello.
[indistinct dialogue over TV]
Martha?
[soft tense music plays]
♪ ♪
Martha?
♪ ♪
Marty?
Hey, honey.
Where's your mom?
♪ ♪
[Winnie exhales heavily]
Hello.
Martha?
[indistinct dialogue over TV]
Hey.
I, um...
I heard that John had an incident.
Is he, uh...
Just his blood pressure.
He's gonna be fine.
Oh, okay.
Uh...
well, I spoke with Jay.
He-he's doing well,
and you were right about his girlfriend.
- She's-- - Why are you here?
What?
Why are you here in my room?
Oh, well, we're-we're sup--
we're supposed to work on the book today, remember?
I don't want to work on the book today.
Go away.
Martha, you can't keep doing this.
The publishers are expecting a draft by the end of the year.
Okay.
♪ ♪
[scoffs]
[television plays]
...serious allegations being made
against the sitting president.
As for a response, President Nixon refused to comment.
[buzzer blares]
[indistinct chatter]
Oh, Raymond just got
his yellow belt in karate.
And Tommy, if you can believe it or not,
has got another wiggly tooth.
[laughs]
And all the nuns say that James
is one of the most diligent hall monitors
they have ever seen.
And Raymond's become
much more direct with the girls.
Very good. Young cadets in training.
Isn't that right, Raymond?
Raymond?
[Frances] Sorry, Gordon.
He heard some news on the radio yesterday.
What news did you hear on the radio, Raymond?
Go on, don't be afraid.
They...
...they said the judge
was sending you to a bad prison...
...for a long time.
That's correct.
I want you to come home.
I know.
And I want nothing more than to be
with you and your brothers.
But some things are more important than what we want.
Now, place the phone down so you can hear my voice.
Back straight.
When I was a boy,
I was very ill.
My only friend was my nanny, Frau Teresa.
One night, as I lie awake, dying of pneumonia,
she told me the story of another sickly little boy,
a boy who, from the power of his own will,
overcame death
and became the leader of her fatherland,
a mighty and terrible Fuehrer
whose name would echo through time.
Frau Teresa made me realize
that I, too, could overcome my own frailty,
that I, too, could choose to be strong.
[wondrous music plays]
So hear me now.
The three of you individually are very small...
but combined, you're equal to one adult man.
And with me gone,
you're gonna need to start acting like it.
James, no more fear of the dark or monkeys.
Tommy, no more crying when the phone rings.
Is...
prison scary, Father?
Terrifying.
Grown men are either compressed into puddles of blood
or molded into mountains.
This will be Father's trial by fire,
a true test of my will like nothing I've ever experienced.
Is that what you want, Father?
Yes, James.
It is what Father has wanted for a long, long time.
♪ ♪
Uh--[chuckles]
You caught me.
Should have got here earlier.
You could've taken the catheter out.
Never understood those things. Uh...
got you a little, uh-- little something.
Glad to see you're, uh, back on your feet.
I came, uh, pretty much straight here from Camp David,
so that's the, uh--the finest in the gas station.
Mo picked it out.
That's sweet.
Um...
...I heard the president on the news
saying you were gonna be giving a report
on this Watergate sideshow.
Yes. About that.
Uh...
that is sort of why I'm here.
Um...
...you know, with-with everything that's been
happening, um,
we thought--that is, Mo and I
thought that--
that it might be best if--
if I explore other options.
[chuckles]
[Mitchell] Hmm.
[sighs]
You talked to Cox or anybody
at the special prosecutor's office?
Uh, no, sir. Um, not yet.
I wanted to, uh--
I wanted to talk to you before we did, out of respect.
[Mitchell] You wanted to shake my hand
before you stab me in the back, is that it?
The ship's going down, John.
And we can either get sucked down with it
or be the first ones onto the dinghy.
Hmm.
You know...
...I'm sorry I didn't go to your wedding.
I-I lost my appetite for pomp and circumstance
after my first marriage.
They say a good marriage...
...is like a garden.
[soft dramatic music plays]
You have to give it attention and...
time,
commitment.
♪ ♪
But a good marriage will bore you to death.
The kind of marriage you want...
...you're lucky...
...and you're cursed...
...there's nothing like it.
♪ ♪
It's love.
♪ ♪
It's hate.
[Martha] Mm.
I wasn't expecting you home so early.
Roosevelt booked up for the night?
♪ ♪
[Mitchell] It's fire.
♪ ♪
It's fear.
It's every feeling all at the same time.
Sometimes it'll feel like an open wound.
And other times...
♪ ♪
...you don't know if it's worth it at all.
♪ ♪
I love you so much,
I could claw my eyes out of my own head.
♪ ♪
Good luck, son.
Let's hope you don't fuck it up.
Thank you, sir.
♪ ♪
The committee called. I'm gonna testify.
♪ ♪
["I Want to See the Bright Lights Tonight" playing]
♪ ♪
[Linda] ♪ I'm so tired Of working every day ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Now the weekend's come ♪
♪ I'm gonna throw My troubles away ♪
♪ ♪
♪ If you got the cab fare Mister, you'll do all right ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want to see The bright lights tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Meet me at the station Don't be late ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I need to spend some money And it just won't wait ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Take me to the dance And hold me tight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want to see The bright lights tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ There's crazy people Running all over town ♪
♪ ♪
♪ There's a silver band Just marching up and down ♪
♪ ♪
♪ And the big boys are all Spoiling for a fight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want to see The bright lights tonight ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh Ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Meet me at the station Don't be late ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I need to spend some money And it just won't wait ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Take me to the dance And hold me tight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want to see The bright lights tonight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Couple of drunken nights Rolling on the floor ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Is just the kind of mess I'm looking for ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'm gonna dream Till Monday comes in sight ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I want...♪