1 00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:02,794 [singer singing in foreign language] 2 00:00:02,877 --> 00:00:04,629 [singer continues] 3 00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:08,717 ♪ Don't look over here ♪ 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,635 [singing in foreign language] 5 00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,137 Maybe we should help him. 6 00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:15,056 Wait, wait. He'll get it. Thumbs are tricky. 7 00:00:15,140 --> 00:00:17,058 ♪ I don't need anymore ♪ 8 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:17,976 ♪ More ♪ 9 00:00:18,059 --> 00:00:19,102 [singing in foreign language] 10 00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:21,312 ♪ I don't wanna see anything ♪ 11 00:00:21,396 --> 00:00:22,981 ♪ Hahaha, anymore ♪ 12 00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:24,733 ♪ I don't need anyone ♪ 13 00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,070 He doesn't know how to use a can opener? 14 00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:33,033 You're never gonna integrate back into society if you can't do basic shit. 15 00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,996 [can, can opener scrapes, clattering] 16 00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,206 [Kash] It's simple, okay? You clamp it on, 17 00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,002 and you… 18 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,670 Shit! [screams] 19 00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,423 It's broken. 20 00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,096 ♪ Shut up ♪ 21 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,766 [singing in foreign language] 22 00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:58,850 ♪ Shut up ♪ 23 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,394 [singing in foreign language] 24 00:01:01,478 --> 00:01:02,896 ♪ Shut up ♪ 25 00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,064 -[song ends] -[door opens, bell clangs] 26 00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,232 -[customer muffled] Excuse me? -Oh, God, no! 27 00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,693 Do you work here? I have a complaint. 28 00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,487 What seems to be the problem? 29 00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,490 [customer] I rented this costume for my husband's birthday, 30 00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,284 and now I can't get the bloody mask off. 31 00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,953 Uh, sorry, did you say your husband's birthday? 32 00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:19,996 Yes. 33 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,122 Okay. 34 00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,292 So, your husband likes strong women? 35 00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,503 I think it's some sort of vacuum effect. 36 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,254 Have you tried greasing it up? 37 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,756 You could use butter. Or lube. 38 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:35,178 [customer] Excuse me, but why would I have lube in my house? 39 00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,387 Oh, come on. 40 00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,555 You've got lube. 41 00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,350 [customer] I want this mask off now. 42 00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,520 And it goes without saying, I expect a full refund. 43 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:46,231 Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds 44 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:50,318 if the costume's been used for its intended purpose. 45 00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,070 [customer] What are you implying? 46 00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:56,241 You can't imply a customer is pegging their husband as Margaret Thatcher. 47 00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,325 She is! 48 00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,869 Of course she is, but you can't say that. 49 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,287 [sighs] 50 00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,832 Sometimes I wonder if you're cut out for customer service. 51 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,041 You're absolutely right. 52 00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,960 No, I think the best thing to do is to let me go 53 00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,419 with a generous redundancy package. 54 00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:12,090 You are a manager. Great liar. 55 00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:15,510 You hate people just the right amount. I've never seen you miss a fag break. 56 00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,178 You could flourish here. 57 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,763 Take my place when I die. 58 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,599 That's a lovely thing to say, Ange. But this is just temporary. 59 00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,226 [Ange] Tim said that too when he started. 60 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,353 He's been here seven years. He still loves it. 61 00:02:33,820 --> 00:02:35,321 ♪ Are you ready, Check? ♪ 62 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,450 ♪ Name, escape ♪ 63 00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,538 [Valerie Gold] Absolutely not. 64 00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,125 Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it. 65 00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,295 Listen, this is a very good deal for you. 66 00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:55,300 Your music in the lift of every cruise ship in the fleet. 67 00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,052 They might even want your early stuff for the hold lines on the phone. 68 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,931 [Valerie Gold] I sold out the Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row. 69 00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,809 I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones. 70 00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,936 A cruise ship? I think not. 71 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,606 It's time for a comeback. 72 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,900 Valerie, [chuckles] you know we love you at the label. 73 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:15,445 But only one person with your condition has made a comeback, and that's Jesus. 74 00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,947 I can still sing. I'm still relevant. 75 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,658 [sighs] Fuck it. I'll even do a duet. 76 00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,119 What's Whitney Houston up to these days? 77 00:03:39,510 --> 00:03:40,637 [light switch clicks] 78 00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,015 Get out. I'm literally about to start auditioning people. 79 00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,808 -Can I watch? -Why? 80 00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,603 I just wanna learn how to human again. 81 00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:53,983 Fine. But don't do anything weird. Or say anything. Or touch anyone. 82 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,151 It's very important to me. 83 00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,487 And not just to me, okay? 84 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,615 I'm doing this for the city. For the vulnerable. 85 00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,992 Jen says you're doing it because you're a feckless loser 86 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,953 who sponges off his girlfriends. 87 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:07,997 And, uh, this nostalgic imitation of virility 88 00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,918 gives you the illusion of control over your emasculated, directionless existence. 89 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:21,678 Although. I don't know what most of that means, 90 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,762 is that right? 91 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,141 ♪ Mummy, Daddy, look at me ♪ 92 00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:30,144 ♪ I went to school and I got a degree ♪ 93 00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,147 ♪ All my friends go [scats] ♪ 94 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,775 ♪ I went to school and I got a big ♪ 95 00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:36,859 [manager] All right? 96 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,987 [sighs] She took the news very well. 97 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,531 Yeah, that was very impressive in there. Crystal clear. 98 00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,700 How do you feel about some moonlighting? 99 00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,203 We have another life-challenged artist on our books 100 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,038 that I think you'd work well with. 101 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,542 Is it an estates dispute? Because I'm quite junior. 102 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,878 I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle. You're very impressive, Carrie. 103 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,924 Yes. Yes. 104 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,385 I can handle it. I'll do it. [chuckles] 105 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,763 Great. Saturday at 2.00. I'll send you the addy. [clicks tongue] 106 00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,848 Yeah, great. 107 00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:09,934 ♪ I got a big D ♪ 108 00:05:11,060 --> 00:05:12,645 ♪ I got the big D ♪ 109 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,189 ♪ I went to school and I got the big D ♪ 110 00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:18,735 [doorbell buzzes] 111 00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,117 Uh, name? 112 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,036 Sebastian. Seb-- Seb. 113 00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,622 Seb. And your power? 114 00:05:32,457 --> 00:05:33,458 [clears throat] 115 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,880 [rock song instrumentals playing] 116 00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,131 [instrumentals continuing] 117 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,270 -[glass shatters] -[song ends] 118 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,025 I can summon sea creatures. 119 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,443 Can you command them? 120 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,905 Um, no. 121 00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:05,073 [Kash smacks lips] 122 00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,326 I have a rich father. 123 00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,800 -[Kash] Your name? -Uh, Ade. 124 00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:24,926 Megan. 125 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,637 Uh, what-what can you do? 126 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,431 Uh, I can, uh, phase through solid objects. 127 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,308 I can turn anything into a PDF. 128 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,560 -So, what? Like a fridge? -Anything. 129 00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,647 -A person? -Anything. 130 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:38,815 I'm basically a magnet. 131 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,901 It's not active all the time, but when it happens, you'll know. 132 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:44,904 [metal clattering] 133 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,365 It happened. 134 00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:56,749 [Ade grunts] 135 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,335 [pants, chuckles] 136 00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,003 Nice. 137 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,296 We'll be in touch. 138 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,464 [chuckles] 139 00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,760 [Ade] Oh. [chuckles] I'm stuck. 140 00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,013 Don't mind me, though. I'll be-- I'll get there. [chuckles] 141 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,227 Mmm. Still stuck. 142 00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,191 [grunts] Uh… 143 00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,402 -Do you have more people coming? -We do, yeah. 144 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,908 [Kash] Excuse me. What are you doing? 145 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,994 I have a 3D printing arse. 146 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,538 I can do whatever you want as long as it's aerodynamic. 147 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,500 [Ade] Can you do a spoon? 148 00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,420 So sorry. Sorry to interrupt. 149 00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,590 ♪ Sun spots, changing glare ♪ 150 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:48,217 ♪ Walking around With my very best friend ♪ 151 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,011 -[Ade] Sorry. -[Jizzlord] Come on. You can do it. 152 00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,013 -Come on. Oh, my God, yes! -You can do it. 153 00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,306 -[Kash] Dig deep. -[Ade] Oh, my God. 154 00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,640 -Come on, dig deep. -Wow. 155 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:55,600 [all grunting] 156 00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:56,767 [Kash] Keep going with it. 157 00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,227 -Squeeze! -Yeah! 158 00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,812 [Ade] Come on! 159 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,397 [all cheers] 160 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,608 -Come on! -Wow. 161 00:08:03,691 --> 00:08:06,777 [all cheering, applauding] 162 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,279 No. 163 00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:10,823 [whispering] Can I join? 164 00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,909 How did you get into the flat? 165 00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,000 Super speed. Like you have to ask. 166 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,878 All right, how fast are we ta-- 167 00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,509 Been to the Tate Modern and back. 168 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,304 Their Dada retrospective is… underwhelming. 169 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,182 Cheers. 170 00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:45,733 Peace. 171 00:08:45,816 --> 00:08:47,527 ♪ We are born ♪ 172 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:49,737 ♪ And I don't care ♪ 173 00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:52,031 ♪ As we grow old ♪ 174 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,158 ♪ As I'm aware ♪ 175 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:58,496 ♪ As we grow ♪ 176 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,122 Thanks so much for coming in. 177 00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:01,749 Oh, no problem. 178 00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,003 Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier they wheeled out. [chuckles] 179 00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,256 So it's nice to get asked to do actual legal stuff. 180 00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,008 'Cause I can do that, but they never really ask me to. 181 00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,595 -Oh, is this a recording studio? -Smart as a button. 182 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,765 We have an artist who died before he could finish his last album. 183 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:21,060 Tragic, really. His fans are still super passionate. 184 00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:24,063 And we already paid him the advance. Uh-oh! 185 00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,357 So, if he could sing through you, 186 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,900 then we could finish the tracks 187 00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:31,612 and bada-bing-bada platinum sales in 30, 40 territories worldwide. 188 00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,697 Is that cool? 189 00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,032 Uh. 190 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,036 [microphone feedback] 191 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,247 -[tapping drumsticks] -Three, two, one. 192 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,125 -They want you to channel who now? -[Carrie] Colt Callaghan. 193 00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,420 He was some big country music singer in the '80s, apparently. 194 00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,297 I thought you were there for some legal bullshit? 195 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,382 [Carrie] Me too, but they just want me for my power. 196 00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,634 Why doesn't anybody care what Carrie has to offer? 197 00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,386 Probably because Carrie talks about herself 198 00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,762 in the third person a bit too much. 199 00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,391 Can you come down? For moral support? 200 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,268 I'm at work. I can't just bail. 201 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,020 I'm saving up for the clinic. I need the money. 202 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,771 You can have a cut. They're paying me. 203 00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:06,939 How much are they paying you? 204 00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,483 I don't know. It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it? 205 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,736 Please come. I really need a friend right now. 206 00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,112 No, you don't need a friend. 207 00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:16,032 You need someone who can get you a decent deal. A real hard-ass. 208 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,368 You need-- 209 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,621 Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management. 210 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,123 This is handwritten. 211 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,376 We're a-a boutique agency with a personal touch. 212 00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:32,632 Now, this national treasure is not opening her money hole until we talk shop. 213 00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,883 Here is her rider. 214 00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,805 "Sushi platter. Room temperature ice water." 215 00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,183 We can deal with this later. 216 00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,518 What I need to do right now, yeah, is talk to Colt. 217 00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,145 He's gonna be pretty confused. 218 00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,355 Uh, money first. 219 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,357 -We can offer you 250. -[Jen] Oh, please. 220 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,235 Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra on a Saturday for 250. 221 00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,446 -Five hundred. Final offer. -300. 222 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,783 I think my client would be content with £300. 223 00:10:58,866 --> 00:10:59,700 -Yeah. -Yeah. 224 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,410 £300,000. 225 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,750 May I just have a moment alone with my client? 226 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,679 [pants] Did he say £300,000? 227 00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,431 I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday. 228 00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,100 I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli. 229 00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,395 Tenderstem, Jen. It is so much more tender. 230 00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,438 [pants] You could pay for the clinic. 231 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,065 [both scream, laugh] 232 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,024 [continues] 233 00:11:32,108 --> 00:11:34,151 ♪ Didn't do it for the love Didn't do it for the police ♪ 234 00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,194 ♪ Get on these knees ♪ 235 00:11:35,277 --> 00:11:38,072 ♪ Didn't do it for the sex Didn't do it for the love ♪ 236 00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,491 That amount would be acceptable, yes. 237 00:11:44,161 --> 00:11:45,913 ♪ I did it for the money ♪ 238 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,084 When are our friends coming? 239 00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:54,547 They're not our friends. They're my vigilante group. 240 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:56,966 What are you hiding? 241 00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,677 You said that you needed snacks, so… 242 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:01,679 [shrieks] 243 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,473 -[doorbell buzzes] -So, where should I sit? 244 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:09,395 Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to do something very important for me. 245 00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,312 Okay. 246 00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,649 Okay, um, I need you to 247 00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,152 get these for me. 248 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,406 Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that. 249 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,450 I can do that. I'll get you your… 250 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,243 …"tampons." 251 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,953 -Great. -[doorbell buzzes] 252 00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,622 -Where-- Where would I get a tampon? -Chemist. 253 00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,207 Chemist. Yeah. 254 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,460 [doorbell buzzes] 255 00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,087 Um, Jen says it's too soon for me to be out in the world. 256 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,380 Well, Jen's not here. Okay? 257 00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,424 -Okay, I won't let you down. -Yeah. 258 00:12:41,051 --> 00:12:42,386 [doorbell buzzes] 259 00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,140 [doorbell buzzes] 260 00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,736 The miniature horse is unavailable. 261 00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,446 Unacceptable. 262 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,031 Either you get us a big horse 263 00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,451 that we can look at through the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk. 264 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:09,747 Yeah, totally. I'll sort all that after she gets Colt. 265 00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,669 Heads up, by the way, Colt could be a little difficult. 266 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,588 What kind of difficult? 267 00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:20,341 [Colt] Where am I? Did I black out? 268 00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,971 How old are you? Ah, wait. I don't wanna know. 269 00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,517 You told me you were 18, and that's the line we're gonna go with. 270 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,353 [manager] Colt, mate, don't panic, but you're dead. 271 00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:34,021 [Colt groans] 272 00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,815 My fucking wife. 273 00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,526 She finally did it. She always said she would. 274 00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,610 Gotta respect that. 275 00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:43,072 No one killed you, mate. We brought you back to finish your album. 276 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:46,367 [Colt] Sugar tits, you look a bit like Margaret Thatcher. 277 00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,202 I like that. 278 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,371 Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too. 279 00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,874 [Colt] Wha-- 280 00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,626 Holy shit! 281 00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,629 Maybe being in a woman's body will give you a bit more respect. 282 00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,757 [Colt] Nice! I can work with these. 283 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,843 Now, what are these, a C cup? 284 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,720 You've been gone a while. Is there anything you wanna get caught up on? 285 00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,806 [Colt] There's only three things I need to know. 286 00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:14,019 Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool? And is Jesus still white? 287 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:18,524 -Oh, yeah. Come on, now. -'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them. 288 00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:21,318 -Get off them. Get off. -[Colt grunts, groans] 289 00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,862 -[Colt] All right! -[Jen] Dirty bastard. 290 00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:27,950 [Colt sighs] 291 00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,368 [Kash] Congratulations, men. 292 00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,954 You've all been selected because you demonstrated to me 293 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,290 that you are hero material. 294 00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,083 You've passed the first test. 295 00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,504 Will there be more tests? I'm dyslexic, and I need more time. 296 00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,923 It's more a series of trials than tests. 297 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,301 It's, like, informal trials of the spirit and body. 298 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,385 It's more of a metaphor. 299 00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,554 Really, I probably shouldn't have used the word "test." 300 00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,474 Uh, any-- Words aside-- Um. 301 00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,185 We're all here for one noble purpose: fighting crime. 302 00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,979 What does that mean, specifically? 303 00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,399 Uh, like, going after crime. Stopping it and stuff. 304 00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:03,485 -There's lots of different types of crime. -I know. I don't think we need-- 305 00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,406 I suggest targeting child sex offenders. 306 00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,368 Go after the real bad guys. Anyone else got a suggestion? 307 00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,871 -Fly-tippers? No! Murderers! -Yes. 308 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,289 What about the elderly? 309 00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,665 -Yeah, fuck 'em. -No. No. 310 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:20,210 I mean, like, people who scam the elderly. Like telemarketers. 311 00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,712 [Seb] Or the drug dealers, 312 00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,007 uh, people who put their bag next to them on the empty seat in the train, 313 00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,425 rapists? 314 00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,473 I swear I had another marker here somewhere. Sorry. 315 00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:35,643 I can get you one. Give me two minutes. 316 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,061 -[belt buckle chinking] -[clothes rustle] 317 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:40,147 [grunts, pants] 318 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:41,690 What colour? 319 00:15:43,192 --> 00:15:46,904 ♪ Well, I'm cracking one open With the boys ♪ 320 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:48,781 ♪ By myself ♪ 321 00:15:48,864 --> 00:15:50,783 [singer chuckles] 322 00:15:50,866 --> 00:15:56,372 ♪ Everybody thinks that I need professional help ♪ 323 00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:01,627 ♪ But I don't wanna Think about that anymore ♪ 324 00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,379 Tampons? 325 00:16:03,462 --> 00:16:05,839 ♪ And just because I woke up On someone's floor ♪ 326 00:16:05,923 --> 00:16:08,926 ♪ And asked who the fuck am I ♪ 327 00:16:09,009 --> 00:16:09,843 [cat yowls in song] 328 00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:12,805 ♪ I didn't know it felt good to cry ♪ 329 00:16:13,889 --> 00:16:16,058 ♪ Yeah, I started from the bottom ♪ 330 00:16:16,141 --> 00:16:17,893 ♪ And I'm still at the bottom ♪ 331 00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,561 ♪ Yeah, I spent the night in jail ♪ 332 00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,022 ♪ Turns out it wasn't the bottom ♪ 333 00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,107 [music stops] 334 00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:26,527 [Gregor] Okay, so we're down to nonces versus children. 335 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,696 Uh, surely that's a tautology? 336 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,573 Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children from the nonces? 337 00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,992 They cancel each other out. 338 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,411 It should be children versus women. 339 00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:40,708 If we help women, like, protecting them walking home at night or something, 340 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,751 I think they'd be really grateful. 341 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,087 Not that we'd ask them for anything in return. 342 00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:48,674 But if they did want to thank us, just a perk of the job. 343 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,843 Yeah, we're talking about them fucking us, right? 344 00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,178 -No. -What? No! 345 00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,222 [Kash] No one sleeps with anyone they save. 346 00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,057 I'm drawing this ethical line in the sand now. 347 00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,809 What if someone wants to give us money? 348 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,519 Well, that's just tipping. That's fine. 349 00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,564 I'd like to put myself forward as task force leader for this one. 350 00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:08,235 I know women. I respect women. I love women. 351 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,822 -Well, I love women more than you do. -I have four sisters. 352 00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:12,906 I have a mum. 353 00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,285 -I've got two mums. -I've got a girlfriend. Do you? 354 00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,329 -I don't currently have-- -Ha! Three-two. 355 00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082 But that also means 356 00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,544 that I don't view women solely as sexual objects. 357 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,337 Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend. 358 00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,549 I read Jane Austen novels for fun. 359 00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,180 I know where the clitoris is. 360 00:17:36,263 --> 00:17:37,556 [gasps] 361 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,729 Prove it. 362 00:17:45,105 --> 00:17:47,775 [hyperventilates] 363 00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,359 Have some water, pet. 364 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,240 [pants] 365 00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,660 It's just… a lot. 366 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,496 You buying the tampons for your girlfriend? 367 00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,830 No, he's a boyfriend. 368 00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,917 Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it. 369 00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,836 I've been away for a while. 370 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,589 There's too much everything. 371 00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,217 I'm sorry. I'm useless. 372 00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,887 Oh, chicken, no. We all learn at our own pace. 373 00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,972 I can help you get what you need. 374 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:23,352 What's their period like? Heavy? A lot of clotting? 375 00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,229 Do they like an applicator or non? 376 00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,522 What's a period? 377 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,275 Oh, Lord. [sighs] Okay. [chuckles] 378 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,487 I can see we're gonna have to start from the beginning. 379 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,996 [Colt] Come on, chica. Is this strictly necessary? 380 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,708 When you stop trying to unhook your bra, then the shame mitts can come off. 381 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,919 -[Colt] Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry. -Stop that! 382 00:18:49,002 --> 00:18:50,003 [Colt grunts] 383 00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,299 Darlin', can you turn these for me? 384 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052 I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years. 385 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,221 Need a refresher on the old lyrics. 386 00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,312 [Carrie] Jen, have you read these lyrics? 387 00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,191 I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly very respectful to women or Canadians. 388 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,987 I'm sure they're not that ba-- Okay. Oh, no. 389 00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,530 I don't think I can do this. 390 00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,616 What? Of course you can. No, you can do this. 391 00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,201 Do this, please. 392 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,454 I don't think I feel comfortable saying this stuff. 393 00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,082 But it's not really you saying it, though. Is it? 394 00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,377 It's coming out of my mouth. My mouth is making the shape of the words. 395 00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,920 I don't wanna have a sexist mouth. 396 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,714 What if I ever meet Malala? I'll be mortified. 397 00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:34,798 Look, Carrie, babe. 398 00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:39,344 Look, you know I would never ask you to do something you're uncomfortable with. 399 00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,222 Unless someone's going to pay us £300,000 to do it, okay? 400 00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,348 So, maybe just do it? 401 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,649 Oh, if I could just make some adjustments to the source material. 402 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,067 He barely remembers what he wrote. 403 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,903 He'll sing whatever you put in front of him. 404 00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,655 Yes. Okay, compromise. It's the beauty of negotiation. 405 00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:02,618 Oh, where are you going? 406 00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,746 I made them get me a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie. 407 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,289 I'm not passing that up. 408 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,458 You've got this, okay? Don't worry about it. 409 00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,877 ♪ I don't know who's getting ready ♪ 410 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,587 ♪ I don't know who's getting ♪ 411 00:20:13,670 --> 00:20:15,005 ♪ But what a pity ♪ 412 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:17,257 ♪ Such a pity city If there's no children ♪ 413 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:19,968 ♪ I don't see them on the runway ♪ 414 00:20:20,052 --> 00:20:21,845 -♪ They bus them in on Sundays ♪ -[Carrie gags] 415 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:26,308 ♪ The visitors are needing to decide If you can come stay ♪ 416 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,905 Honestly, this is too easy. 417 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,282 Well, do it then. Or do you not know? 418 00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:45,786 How can you lead a group saving women when you don't know where the "clid" is? 419 00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,579 The what? 420 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,289 The "clid." 421 00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,458 -Do you mean the clit? -That's what I said. 422 00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,709 No, you said "clid" with a "D." 423 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,670 -He's stalling. I think we should-- -I can do it. 424 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:18,026 [door opens] 425 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,362 Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your-- 426 00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,906 -What's going on? -We're locating the clitoris. 427 00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,075 Oh, it's right there at the top underneath the clitoral hood 428 00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,326 at the crest of the labia minora. 429 00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:29,371 …Ora. Exactly. 430 00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,790 Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge. 431 00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,876 -That doesn't mean you win. -Kash, I have your tampons. 432 00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,755 See? I buy my girlfriend tampons. 433 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,091 Maybe you would too, if you had one. 434 00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:44,386 Thank you. 435 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,654 [Colt] You know, I like my women the way I like my guns. 436 00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:03,822 With a silencer. 437 00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:05,574 [laughs] 438 00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,701 This here is a tribute to the perfect woman. 439 00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:13,957 ♪ I met her at a downtown bar ♪ 440 00:22:14,041 --> 00:22:16,126 ♪ She was waiting on drunks ♪ 441 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:21,590 ♪ Lord, she had a mouth that was Only good for… measured debate ♪ 442 00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:26,762 ♪ And an ass that screamed "Respect me as an intellectual equal" ♪ 443 00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,055 This doesn't sound right. 444 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,140 -We may have made some minor changes. -[Colt] ♪ Perfect woman ♪ 445 00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:32,976 -Creative differences. -You can't just do that. 446 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:36,063 [Colt] ♪ Now we're in The back of my big red truck ♪ 447 00:22:36,146 --> 00:22:39,399 ♪ Country music's playing And we're about to ♪ 448 00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:42,527 ♪ Have consensual sex ♪ 449 00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:44,696 You can barely notice it. 450 00:22:44,780 --> 00:22:47,407 [Colt] ♪ We rocked all night And she said she loved me ♪ 451 00:22:47,991 --> 00:22:49,993 ♪ But when the morning came ♪ 452 00:22:50,827 --> 00:22:55,332 ♪ I did what real men do And I licked her out ♪ 453 00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:58,251 Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right. 454 00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,462 What the hell, man? What the hell? 455 00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:02,964 "I licked her out"? 456 00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,341 I think there's a market for it. 457 00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,968 [Colt] Maggie, you know I got a soft spot for you, 458 00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,679 but I sure as hell would never, ever lick you out, Maggie. 459 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,307 Do you hear me? That shit is nasty. 460 00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:16,895 Who changed things? This is my song. Who changed these lyrics? 461 00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:19,523 ♪ Okay, that's just who I That's just who I ♪ 462 00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:34,454 £300,000. 463 00:23:38,542 --> 00:23:39,668 [Jen groans] 464 00:23:40,961 --> 00:23:41,795 [sighs] 465 00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:43,046 Okay. 466 00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:45,841 [Carrie] You don't have to eat them all. 467 00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:48,385 I'll never get to live the high life again, Carrie. 468 00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:50,762 I'm not even good at pretending to be successful. 469 00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,432 You were. For, like, an hour. 470 00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:57,477 Maybe I should've just sung the song as it was. 471 00:23:57,561 --> 00:24:01,148 I should say I'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe in. 472 00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:06,862 -Oh, you're really not going to, are you? -No. 473 00:24:07,904 --> 00:24:08,738 [sighs] 474 00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:10,824 [groans] 475 00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,203 It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God. 476 00:24:16,496 --> 00:24:17,914 [sighs] 477 00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:20,876 Maybe channelling other people is all I'm good for. 478 00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:24,754 Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot. 479 00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:27,591 -[Carrie chuckles] -Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics. 480 00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:29,342 -Yeah? -Yeah. 481 00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:34,055 And it's just money at the end of the day. 482 00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,140 It's only £300,000-- 483 00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:38,852 Please don't say the amount. It causes me physical pain when I hear it. 484 00:24:41,188 --> 00:24:43,231 [Kash, Jizzlord through door cheers, laughs] 485 00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:44,941 [Kash] Come on! 486 00:25:03,376 --> 00:25:04,628 [Carrie clears throat] 487 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,340 It was his idea. 488 00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,426 -I love it. -It was my idea. 489 00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,560 -What did you do today? -I know where the clitoris is. 490 00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:23,647 Okay, I am not unpacking that. 491 00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,399 How do you play this thing? 492 00:25:26,483 --> 00:25:29,611 -Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps. -[Kash] Mm-hmm. 493 00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,906 And you have to get from the Sanitary Valley 494 00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,991 to the Wings of Heaven. 495 00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,911 Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck in Absorbency Marshes though. 496 00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:39,871 -That loses you ten points. -Okay. 497 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,915 And you'll start over here… 498 00:25:41,998 --> 00:25:44,960 [Jizzlord speaking indistinctly] 499 00:25:45,043 --> 00:25:47,295 ♪ Getting strong today ♪ 500 00:25:48,213 --> 00:25:52,008 ♪ A giant step each day ♪ 501 00:25:52,676 --> 00:25:58,807 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 502 00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:01,768 -♪ Getting strong today ♪ -♪ Only fools rush in ♪ 503 00:26:02,644 --> 00:26:06,356 -♪ A giant step each day ♪ -♪ Only fools rush in ♪ 504 00:26:07,065 --> 00:26:12,988 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 505 00:26:13,071 --> 00:26:14,531 [knocking on door] 506 00:26:14,614 --> 00:26:15,699 [continues] 507 00:26:15,782 --> 00:26:17,993 [speeds up] 508 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:19,077 [stops] 509 00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,122 -I think I left my umbrella here. -Magnet girl. 510 00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:23,206 I have a name. 511 00:26:23,957 --> 00:26:24,791 [magnetic humming] 512 00:26:24,874 --> 00:26:26,126 [sighs] 513 00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:28,211 -Have you got any piercings? -No. 514 00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,298 Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you? 515 00:26:32,299 --> 00:26:38,680 ♪ I will love you till I die ♪ 516 00:26:38,763 --> 00:26:45,604 ♪ And I will love you all the time ♪ 517 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:52,902 ♪ So please put your sweet hand in mine ♪ 518 00:26:53,528 --> 00:26:56,865 ♪ And float in space ♪ 519 00:26:56,948 --> 00:27:00,285 ♪ And drift in time ♪ 520 00:27:01,077 --> 00:27:07,250 ♪ All I want in life is a little bit of Love to take the pain away ♪ 521 00:27:07,334 --> 00:27:14,174 ♪ We'll float in space just you and I ♪