1
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,137
Maybe we should help him.
2
00:00:12,220 --> 00:00:15,056
Wait, wait. He'll get it.
Thumbs are tricky.
3
00:00:27,152 --> 00:00:29,070
He doesn't know how to use a can opener?
4
00:00:29,612 --> 00:00:33,033
You're never gonna integrate back
into society if you can't do basic shit.
5
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:40,206
It's simple, okay? You clamp it on,
6
00:00:41,624 --> 00:00:44,002
and you…
7
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:45,670
Shit!
8
00:00:47,088 --> 00:00:48,423
It's broken.
9
00:01:04,147 --> 00:01:06,232
-Excuse me?
-Oh, God, no!
10
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:08,693
Do you work here? I have a complaint.
11
00:01:09,319 --> 00:01:10,487
What seems to be the problem?
12
00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:13,490
I rented this costume
for my husband's birthday,
13
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,284
and now I can't get the bloody mask off.
14
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,953
Uh, sorry,
did you say your husband's birthday?
15
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:19,996
Yes.
16
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,122
Okay.
17
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:24,292
So, your husband likes strong women?
18
00:01:24,375 --> 00:01:26,503
I think it's some sort of vacuum effect.
19
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:28,254
Have you tried greasing it up?
20
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:29,756
You could use butter. Or lube.
21
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:35,178
Excuse me,
but why would I have lube in my house?
22
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,387
Oh, come on.
23
00:01:36,471 --> 00:01:37,555
You've got lube.
24
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:40,350
I want this mask off now.
25
00:01:40,433 --> 00:01:43,520
And it goes without saying,
I expect a full refund.
26
00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:46,231
Oh, I'm afraid we can only offer refunds
27
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:50,318
if the costume's been used
for its intended purpose.
28
00:01:50,401 --> 00:01:52,070
What are you implying?
29
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:56,241
You can't imply a customer is pegging
their husband as Margaret Thatcher.
30
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:57,325
She is!
31
00:01:57,408 --> 00:01:59,869
Of course she is, but you can't say that.
32
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:03,832
Sometimes I wonder
if you're cut out for customer service.
33
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:05,041
You're absolutely right.
34
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:06,960
No, I think the best thing to do is
to let me go
35
00:02:07,043 --> 00:02:08,419
with a generous redundancy package.
36
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:12,090
You are a manager. Great liar.
37
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:15,510
You hate people just the right amount.
I've never seen you miss a fag break.
38
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,178
You could flourish here.
39
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:18,763
Take my place when I die.
40
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:21,599
That's a lovely thing to say, Ange.
But this is just temporary.
41
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,226
Tim said that too when he started.
42
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,353
He's been here seven years.
He still loves it.
43
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,538
Absolutely not.
44
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:47,125
Are you fucking mad? I'm not signing it.
45
00:02:47,208 --> 00:02:50,295
Listen, this is a very good deal for you.
46
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:55,300
Your music in the lift
of every cruise ship in the fleet.
47
00:02:55,383 --> 00:02:58,052
They might even want your early stuff
for the hold lines on the phone.
48
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,931
I sold out the
Bradford Ballroom five nights in a row.
49
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,809
I've fucked 75% of the Rolling Stones.
50
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:06,936
A cruise ship? I think not.
51
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,606
It's time for a comeback.
52
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,900
Valerie,
you know we love you at the label.
53
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:15,445
But only one person with your condition
has made a comeback, and that's Jesus.
54
00:03:15,528 --> 00:03:17,947
I can still sing. I'm still relevant.
55
00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,658
Fuck it. I'll even do a duet.
56
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,119
What's Whitney Houston up to these days?
57
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,015
Get out. I'm literally about
to start auditioning people.
58
00:03:44,098 --> 00:03:45,808
-Can I watch?
-Why?
59
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:48,603
I just wanna learn how to human again.
60
00:03:50,188 --> 00:03:53,983
Fine. But don't do anything weird.
Or say anything. Or touch anyone.
61
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,151
It's very important to me.
62
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:57,487
And not just to me, okay?
63
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,615
I'm doing this for the city.
For the vulnerable.
64
00:04:00,698 --> 00:04:02,992
Jen says you're doing it
because you're a feckless loser
65
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,953
who sponges off his girlfriends.
66
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:07,997
And, uh,
this nostalgic imitation of virility
67
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,918
gives you the illusion of control over
your emasculated, directionless existence.
68
00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:21,678
Although. I don't know
what most of that means,
69
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:22,762
is that right?
70
00:04:35,858 --> 00:04:36,859
All right?
71
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,987
She took the news very well.
72
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:41,531
Yeah, that was very impressive in there.
Crystal clear.
73
00:04:41,614 --> 00:04:43,700
How do you feel about some moonlighting?
74
00:04:43,783 --> 00:04:47,203
We have another life-challenged artist
on our books
75
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:49,038
that I think you'd work well with.
76
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:52,542
Is it an estates dispute?
Because I'm quite junior.
77
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,878
I'm sure there's nothing you can't handle.
You're very impressive, Carrie.
78
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,924
Yes. Yes.
79
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:02,385
I can handle it. I'll do it.
80
00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:05,763
Great. Saturday at 2.00.
I'll send you the addy.
81
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:06,848
Yeah, great.
82
00:05:25,116 --> 00:05:26,117
Uh, name?
83
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,036
Sebastian. Seb-- Seb.
84
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,622
Seb. And your power?
85
00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:59,025
I can summon sea creatures.
86
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,443
Can you command them?
87
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:03,905
Um, no.
88
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:08,326
I have a rich father.
89
00:06:22,215 --> 00:06:23,800
-Your name?
-Uh, Ade.
90
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:24,926
Megan.
91
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,637
Uh, what-what can you do?
92
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:30,431
Uh, I can, uh,
phase through solid objects.
93
00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,308
I can turn anything into a PDF.
94
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,560
-So, what? Like a fridge?
-Anything.
95
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,647
-A person?
-Anything.
96
00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:38,815
I'm basically a magnet.
97
00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:41,901
It's not active all the time,
but when it happens, you'll know.
98
00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:47,365
It happened.
99
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:01,003
Nice.
100
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,296
We'll be in touch.
101
00:07:05,341 --> 00:07:07,760
Oh. I'm stuck.
102
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:11,013
Don't mind me, though.
I'll be-- I'll get there.
103
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:16,227
Mmm. Still stuck.
104
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:22,191
Uh…
105
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,402
-Do you have more people coming?
-We do, yeah.
106
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:30,908
Excuse me. What are you doing?
107
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:32,994
I have a 3D printing arse.
108
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:35,538
I can do whatever you want
as long as it's aerodynamic.
109
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,500
Can you do a spoon?
110
00:07:40,751 --> 00:07:42,420
So sorry. Sorry to interrupt.
111
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,011
-Sorry.
-Come on. You can do it.
112
00:07:50,094 --> 00:07:52,013
-Come on. Oh, my God, yes!
-You can do it.
113
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:53,306
-Dig deep.
-Oh, my God.
114
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:54,640
-Come on, dig deep.
-Wow.
115
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:56,767
Keep going with it.
116
00:07:56,851 --> 00:07:58,227
-Squeeze!
-Yeah!
117
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:59,812
Come on!
118
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,608
-Come on!
-Wow.
119
00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,279
No.
120
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:10,823
Can I join?
121
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:12,909
How did you get into the flat?
122
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:21,000
Super speed. Like you have to ask.
123
00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:23,878
All right, how fast are we ta--
124
00:08:27,757 --> 00:08:29,509
Been to the Tate Modern and back.
125
00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:33,304
Their Dada retrospective is…
underwhelming.
126
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,182
Cheers.
127
00:08:44,732 --> 00:08:45,733
Peace.
128
00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,122
Thanks so much for coming in.
129
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:01,749
Oh, no problem.
130
00:09:02,875 --> 00:09:06,003
Sometimes I feel a bit like a photocopier
they wheeled out.
131
00:09:06,087 --> 00:09:08,256
So it's nice to get asked
to do actual legal stuff.
132
00:09:08,339 --> 00:09:11,008
'Cause I can do that,
but they never really ask me to.
133
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,595
-Oh, is this a recording studio?
-Smart as a button.
134
00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,765
We have an artist who died
before he could finish his last album.
135
00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:21,060
Tragic, really.
His fans are still super passionate.
136
00:09:21,143 --> 00:09:24,063
And we already paid him the advance.
Uh-oh!
137
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:26,357
So, if he could sing through you,
138
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:27,900
then we could finish the tracks
139
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:31,612
and bada-bing-bada platinum sales
in 30, 40 territories worldwide.
140
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:32,697
Is that cool?
141
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,032
Uh.
142
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,247
-Three, two, one.
143
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:44,125
-They want you to channel who now?
-Colt Callaghan.
144
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:47,420
He was some big country music singer
in the '80s, apparently.
145
00:09:47,503 --> 00:09:49,297
I thought you were there
for some legal bullshit?
146
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,382
Me too,
but they just want me for my power.
147
00:09:51,465 --> 00:09:53,634
Why doesn't anybody care
what Carrie has to offer?
148
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:55,386
Probably because
Carrie talks about herself
149
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:56,762
in the third person a bit too much.
150
00:09:57,638 --> 00:10:00,391
Can you come down? For moral support?
151
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:02,268
I'm at work. I can't just bail.
152
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:04,020
I'm saving up for the clinic.
I need the money.
153
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:05,771
You can have a cut. They're paying me.
154
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:06,939
How much are they paying you?
155
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:09,483
I don't know.
It's a bit rude to ask, isn't it?
156
00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,736
Please come.
I really need a friend right now.
157
00:10:11,819 --> 00:10:13,112
No, you don't need a friend.
158
00:10:13,195 --> 00:10:16,032
You need someone who can get you
a decent deal. A real hard-ass.
159
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:19,368
You need--
160
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,621
Jen Regan, Jen Regan Talent Management.
161
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,123
This is handwritten.
162
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,376
We're a-a boutique agency
with a personal touch.
163
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:32,632
Now, this national treasure is not opening
her money hole until we talk shop.
164
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:33,883
Here is her rider.
165
00:10:36,927 --> 00:10:39,805
"Sushi platter.
Room temperature ice water."
166
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,183
We can deal with this later.
167
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,518
What I need to do right now, yeah,
is talk to Colt.
168
00:10:44,602 --> 00:10:46,145
He's gonna be pretty confused.
169
00:10:46,228 --> 00:10:47,355
Uh, money first.
170
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:49,357
-We can offer you 250.
-Oh, please.
171
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,235
Ms Jackson doesn't put on a bra
on a Saturday for 250.
172
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,446
-Five hundred. Final offer.
-300.
173
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,783
I think my client would
be content with £300.
174
00:10:58,866 --> 00:10:59,700
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
175
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:01,410
£300,000.
176
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:07,750
May I just have a moment alone
with my client?
177
00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:19,679
Did he say £300,000?
178
00:11:20,179 --> 00:11:22,431
I could buy a flat. I could go on holiday.
179
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,100
I could buy the Tenderstem broccoli.
180
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,395
Tenderstem, Jen.
It is so much more tender.
181
00:11:27,478 --> 00:11:29,438
You could pay for the clinic.
182
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:40,491
That amount would be acceptable, yes.
183
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:50,084
When are our friends coming?
184
00:11:52,169 --> 00:11:54,547
They're not our friends.
They're my vigilante group.
185
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:56,966
What are you hiding?
186
00:11:57,049 --> 00:11:59,677
You said that you needed snacks, so…
187
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,473
-So, where should I sit?
188
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:09,395
Uh, actually, um, I-I need you to
do something very important for me.
189
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,312
Okay.
190
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,649
Okay, um, I need you to
191
00:12:15,151 --> 00:12:16,152
get these for me.
192
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,406
Okay, okay. Yeah, I can do that.
193
00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,450
I can do that. I'll get you your…
194
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,243
…"tampons."
195
00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,953
-Great.
196
00:12:26,036 --> 00:12:28,622
-Where-- Where would I get a tampon?
-Chemist.
197
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:30,207
Chemist. Yeah.
198
00:12:32,543 --> 00:12:35,087
Um, Jen says it's too soon for me
to be out in the world.
199
00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,380
Well, Jen's not here. Okay?
200
00:12:36,464 --> 00:12:38,424
-Okay, I won't let you down.
-Yeah.
201
00:12:57,485 --> 00:12:58,736
The miniature horse is unavailable.
202
00:12:58,819 --> 00:13:00,446
Unacceptable.
203
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,031
Either you get us a big horse
204
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:05,451
that we can look at through
the wrong end of a telescope, or we walk.
205
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:09,747
Yeah, totally.
I'll sort all that after she gets Colt.
206
00:13:12,958 --> 00:13:15,669
Heads up, by the way,
Colt could be a little difficult.
207
00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,588
What kind of difficult?
208
00:13:18,088 --> 00:13:20,341
Where am I? Did I black out?
209
00:13:22,426 --> 00:13:25,971
How old are you?
Ah, wait. I don't wanna know.
210
00:13:26,055 --> 00:13:29,517
You told me you were 18,
and that's the line we're gonna go with.
211
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:32,353
Colt, mate, don't panic,
but you're dead.
212
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:35,815
My fucking wife.
213
00:13:36,357 --> 00:13:38,526
She finally did it.
She always said she would.
214
00:13:38,609 --> 00:13:39,610
Gotta respect that.
215
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:43,072
No one killed you, mate.
We brought you back to finish your album.
216
00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:46,367
Sugar tits, you look
a bit like Margaret Thatcher.
217
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,202
I like that.
218
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:50,371
Thank you. Your tits look pretty good too.
219
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:53,874
Wha--
220
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,626
Holy shit!
221
00:13:55,709 --> 00:13:58,629
Maybe being in a woman's body
will give you a bit more respect.
222
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:01,757
Nice! I can work with these.
223
00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:03,843
Now, what are these, a C cup?
224
00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,720
You've been gone a while. Is there
anything you wanna get caught up on?
225
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,806
There's only three things
I need to know.
226
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:14,019
Is beer still cold? Are guns still cool?
And is Jesus still white?
227
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:18,524
-Oh, yeah. Come on, now.
-'Kay, stop that. Don't be touching them.
228
00:14:18,607 --> 00:14:21,318
-Get off them. Get off.
229
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:22,862
-All right!
-Dirty bastard.
230
00:14:28,033 --> 00:14:29,368
Congratulations, men.
231
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,954
You've all been selected because you
demonstrated to me
232
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:34,290
that you are hero material.
233
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,083
You've passed the first test.
234
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:40,504
Will there be more tests?
I'm dyslexic, and I need more time.
235
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,923
It's more a series of trials than tests.
236
00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,301
It's, like, informal trials
of the spirit and body.
237
00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:46,385
It's more of a metaphor.
238
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,554
Really, I probably shouldn't have used
the word "test."
239
00:14:50,764 --> 00:14:52,474
Uh, any-- Words aside-- Um.
240
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,185
We're all here for one noble purpose:
fighting crime.
241
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:56,979
What does that mean, specifically?
242
00:14:57,062 --> 00:15:00,399
Uh, like, going after crime.
Stopping it and stuff.
243
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:03,485
-There's lots of different types of crime.
-I know. I don't think we need--
244
00:15:03,569 --> 00:15:07,406
I suggest targeting child sex offenders.
245
00:15:08,616 --> 00:15:11,368
Go after the real bad guys.
Anyone else got a suggestion?
246
00:15:11,452 --> 00:15:13,871
-Fly-tippers? No! Murderers!
-Yes.
247
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:15,289
What about the elderly?
248
00:15:15,372 --> 00:15:16,665
-Yeah, fuck 'em.
-No. No.
249
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:20,210
I mean, like, people who scam the elderly.
Like telemarketers.
250
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:21,712
Or the drug dealers,
251
00:15:21,795 --> 00:15:25,007
uh, people who put their bag next to them
on the empty seat in the train,
252
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,425
rapists?
253
00:15:28,928 --> 00:15:32,473
I swear I had another
marker here somewhere. Sorry.
254
00:15:33,223 --> 00:15:35,643
I can get you one. Give me two minutes.
255
00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:41,690
What colour?
256
00:16:02,294 --> 00:16:03,379
Tampons?
257
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:26,527
Okay, so we're down to nonces
versus children.
258
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,696
Uh, surely that's a tautology?
259
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,573
Uh, wouldn't we be protecting the children
from the nonces?
260
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:32,992
They cancel each other out.
261
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,411
It should be children versus women.
262
00:16:36,286 --> 00:16:40,708
If we help women, like, protecting them
walking home at night or something,
263
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,751
I think they'd be really grateful.
264
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,087
Not that we'd ask them
for anything in return.
265
00:16:45,170 --> 00:16:48,674
But if they did want to thank us,
just a perk of the job.
266
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:50,843
Yeah, we're talking
about them fucking us, right?
267
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:53,178
-No.
-What? No!
268
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,222
No one sleeps with anyone they save.
269
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,057
I'm drawing this ethical line
in the sand now.
270
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:58,809
What if someone wants to give us money?
271
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,519
Well, that's just tipping. That's fine.
272
00:17:00,602 --> 00:17:03,564
I'd like to put myself forward
as task force leader for this one.
273
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:08,235
I know women. I respect women.
I love women.
274
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:11,822
-Well, I love women more than you do.
-I have four sisters.
275
00:17:11,905 --> 00:17:12,906
I have a mum.
276
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,285
-I've got two mums.
-I've got a girlfriend. Do you?
277
00:17:17,202 --> 00:17:19,329
-I don't currently have--
-Ha! Three-two.
278
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:22,082
But that also means
279
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:25,544
that I don't view women
solely as sexual objects.
280
00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,337
Neither do I. I barely fuck my girlfriend.
281
00:17:27,421 --> 00:17:30,549
I read Jane Austen novels for fun.
282
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:36,180
I know where the clitoris is.
283
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,729
Prove it.
284
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:49,359
Have some water, pet.
285
00:17:56,325 --> 00:17:58,660
It's just… a lot.
286
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,496
You buying the tampons
for your girlfriend?
287
00:18:00,579 --> 00:18:01,830
No, he's a boyfriend.
288
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,917
Oh. You kids and your genders. Love it.
289
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,836
I've been away for a while.
290
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,589
There's too much everything.
291
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,217
I'm sorry. I'm useless.
292
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,887
Oh, chicken, no.
We all learn at our own pace.
293
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,972
I can help you get what you need.
294
00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:23,352
What's their period like?
Heavy? A lot of clotting?
295
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,229
Do they like an applicator or non?
296
00:18:25,312 --> 00:18:26,522
What's a period?
297
00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,275
Oh, Lord. Okay.
298
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:33,487
I can see we're gonna have to start
from the beginning.
299
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:42,996
Come on, chica.
Is this strictly necessary?
300
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,708
When you stop trying to unhook your bra,
then the shame mitts can come off.
301
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,919
-Honey pie! Sorry. Sorry.
-Stop that!
302
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,299
Darlin', can you turn these for me?
303
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,052
I ain't looked at these songs in 30 years.
304
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,221
Need a refresher on the old lyrics.
305
00:19:04,726 --> 00:19:07,312
Jen, have you read these lyrics?
306
00:19:07,896 --> 00:19:11,191
I'm not a prude, but they're not exactly
very respectful to women or Canadians.
307
00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,987
I'm sure they're not that ba--
Okay. Oh, no.
308
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,530
I don't think I can do this.
309
00:19:16,613 --> 00:19:19,616
What? Of course you can.
No, you can do this.
310
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,201
Do this, please.
311
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,454
I don't think I feel comfortable
saying this stuff.
312
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:27,082
But it's not really you saying it, though.
Is it?
313
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:30,377
It's coming out of my mouth.
My mouth is making the shape of the words.
314
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:31,920
I don't wanna have a sexist mouth.
315
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,714
What if I ever meet Malala?
I'll be mortified.
316
00:19:33,797 --> 00:19:34,798
Look, Carrie, babe.
317
00:19:34,882 --> 00:19:39,344
Look, you know I would never ask you to
do something you're uncomfortable with.
318
00:19:39,428 --> 00:19:42,222
Unless someone's going to pay us
£300,000 to do it, okay?
319
00:19:42,306 --> 00:19:43,348
So, maybe just do it?
320
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,649
Oh, if I could just make some adjustments
to the source material.
321
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,067
He barely remembers what he wrote.
322
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,903
He'll sing
whatever you put in front of him.
323
00:19:55,986 --> 00:19:58,655
Yes. Okay, compromise.
It's the beauty of negotiation.
324
00:20:01,491 --> 00:20:02,618
Oh, where are you going?
325
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:05,746
I made them get me
a handsome Latin masseur, Carrie.
326
00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:07,289
I'm not passing that up.
327
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:09,458
You've got this, okay?
Don't worry about it.
328
00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:39,905
Honestly, this is too easy.
329
00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:42,282
Well, do it then. Or do you not know?
330
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:45,786
How can you lead a group saving women
when you don't know where the "clid" is?
331
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:47,579
The what?
332
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,289
The "clid."
333
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,458
-Do you mean the clit?
-That's what I said.
334
00:20:51,541 --> 00:20:52,709
No, you said "clid" with a "D."
335
00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:54,670
-He's stalling. I think we should--
-I can do it.
336
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,362
Kash! I did it. I got, uh, your--
337
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:22,906
-What's going on?
-We're locating the clitoris.
338
00:21:22,990 --> 00:21:25,075
Oh, it's right there at the top
underneath the clitoral hood
339
00:21:25,158 --> 00:21:26,326
at the crest of the labia minora.
340
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:29,371
…Ora. Exactly.
341
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:31,790
Guys, come on. It's basic knowledge.
342
00:21:32,291 --> 00:21:34,876
-That doesn't mean you win.
-Kash, I have your tampons.
343
00:21:35,460 --> 00:21:38,755
See? I buy my girlfriend tampons.
344
00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:41,091
Maybe you would too, if you had one.
345
00:21:43,385 --> 00:21:44,386
Thank you.
346
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,654
You know, I like my women
the way I like my guns.
347
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:03,822
With a silencer.
348
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:07,701
This here is a tribute
to the perfect woman.
349
00:22:26,845 --> 00:22:28,055
This doesn't sound right.
350
00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:30,140
-We may have made some minor changes.
351
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:32,976
-Creative differences.
-You can't just do that.
352
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:44,696
You can barely notice it.
353
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:58,251
Whoa! Hey! Man, I know that's not right.
354
00:22:58,335 --> 00:23:00,462
What the hell, man? What the hell?
355
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:02,964
"I licked her out"?
356
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:04,341
I think there's a market for it.
357
00:23:04,424 --> 00:23:06,968
Maggie, you know
I got a soft spot for you,
358
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:09,679
but I sure as hell
would never, ever lick you out, Maggie.
359
00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:12,307
Do you hear me? That shit is nasty.
360
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:16,895
Who changed things? This is my song.
Who changed these lyrics?
361
00:23:32,035 --> 00:23:34,454
£300,000.
362
00:23:41,878 --> 00:23:43,046
Okay.
363
00:23:44,339 --> 00:23:45,841
You don't have to eat them all.
364
00:23:46,341 --> 00:23:48,385
I'll never get to live
the high life again, Carrie.
365
00:23:48,468 --> 00:23:50,762
I'm not even good
at pretending to be successful.
366
00:23:50,846 --> 00:23:53,432
You were. For, like, an hour.
367
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:57,477
Maybe I should've just
sung the song as it was.
368
00:23:57,561 --> 00:24:01,148
I should say I'm proud of you
for standing up for what you believe in.
369
00:24:04,401 --> 00:24:06,862
-Oh, you're really not going to, are you?
-No.
370
00:24:11,992 --> 00:24:15,203
It was so much money, Carrie. Oh, my God.
371
00:24:17,998 --> 00:24:20,876
Maybe channelling other people
is all I'm good for.
372
00:24:21,543 --> 00:24:24,754
Hey, shut the fuck up, you gorgeous idiot.
373
00:24:24,838 --> 00:24:27,591
-Your lyrics were good. Your lyrics.
374
00:24:28,091 --> 00:24:29,342
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
375
00:24:31,678 --> 00:24:34,055
And it's just money at the end of the day.
376
00:24:34,139 --> 00:24:35,140
It's only £300,000--
377
00:24:35,223 --> 00:24:38,852
Please don't say the amount.
It causes me physical pain when I hear it.
378
00:24:43,315 --> 00:24:44,941
Come on!
379
00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,340
It was his idea.
380
00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,426
-I love it.
-It was my idea.
381
00:25:17,891 --> 00:25:20,560
-What did you do today?
-I know where the clitoris is.
382
00:25:21,394 --> 00:25:23,647
Okay, I am not unpacking that.
383
00:25:25,190 --> 00:25:26,399
How do you play this thing?
384
00:25:26,483 --> 00:25:29,611
-Okay, so everyone starts with five tamps.
-Mm-hmm.
385
00:25:29,694 --> 00:25:32,906
And you have to get
from the Sanitary Valley
386
00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,991
to the Wings of Heaven.
387
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,911
Mm-hmm. Don't get stuck
in Absorbency Marshes though.
388
00:25:37,994 --> 00:25:39,871
-That loses you ten points.
-Okay.
389
00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:41,915
And you'll start over here…
390
00:26:19,828 --> 00:26:22,122
-I think I left my umbrella here.
-Magnet girl.
391
00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:23,206
I have a name.
392
00:26:26,209 --> 00:26:28,211
-Have you got any piercings?
-No.
393
00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,298
Well, you're hardly microchipped, are you?