(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
REN: This does not look good.
Poor Ruby.
(SIGHS)
Oh, no.
That's it; Dex and I are officially over.
-It's going to be okay, Ruby. Dex said we'd gone apart.
You've only been together for four days.
I'll never love again.
Ruby, come on.
You're a strong, vibrant, beautiful young woman.
Guys will come and go
but good friends like us will last forever.
Thanks, Ren. I love your "friends forever" speech.
- I know. - So, are you still sleeping over tonight?
Oh, absolutely. And it's going to be just us girls.
- Yeah, who needs boys, anyway? - Exactly.
Now, I'm talking nail polish, magazines and ice cream.
Dex loved ice cream.
Ruby. Ruby.
Dudes, Dodge Ridge just got eight inches
of pure, delicate white snow last night.
Imagine snowboarding down those slopes
with a couple of hot potatoes in your pocket.
- Uh, to, to keep your hands warm. - Right.
Well, what's the difference? We can't go.
Between the bus ride and the lift ticket
that's, I don't know, at least $200.00 per person.
It's no problem.
- (PHONE RINGING) - Hold on! Excuse me!
I've got to use that, thank you, thank you.
Hello. Steven's Manor.
Hi, Mr. Kitna, great.
Oh, good. Hold on just a second.
Right. Hold on.
(SCAT SINGING)
Mr. Kitna, hi.
Yes. Uh-huh.
Great.
You're confirmed, yes, sir.
Okay, look forward to meeting you
and the family, sir. Great. All right.
What was that about?
Well, my parents
they're going away to Napa for their anniversary, right.
Donnie has an away game and Ren is sleeping at Ruby's.
I have the whole house to myself.
We're going to open up a bed and breakfast this weekend.
We're going to make the most of this deal.
Uh, how are you going to get your parents
to let you stay home alone?
Mommy, can I please come with you?
No.
Sweetheart, now, come on now, Louis.
You have our cell phone numbers
and you have the hotel number and all the emergency numbers
- are programmed into the phone. - Mommy!
Oh, I can't.
- I can't. - Hey, hey, soldier.
Come on. You're going to be all right spending the night alone.
We wouldn't leave you here, otherwise. You got it?
Got it.
Come on, honey.
Mom...
- (CRYING) I love you. - I miss you already.
I love you.
I'm hungry, man.
(DOOR OPENING)
Guys, Steven's Manor Bed and Breakfast
is now open for business.
(CHEERING)
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Hi, welcome to Steven's Manor.
You must be the Mannings.
I'm Louis Stevens.
- Louis? - Yes.
I'm Louis Manning. Always a pleasure to meet a fellow "Lou."
Yes, yes.
My wife, Edna.
Oh, it's a pleasure, a pleasure to meet you.
Gar-con.
Will that be cash or charge, sir?
Oh, okay.
(BEEPING)
There you go.
Alan, would you be so kind to show these lovely people to their room?
Oh, sure, yeah, yeah. It's right up this way here.
Enjoy your stay, okay?
All right.
(DOORBELL RINGING)
Oh, Mrs. Culpepper, I presume.
What a nice jacket. So how was your trip?
- Miserable. - Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Well, we at Steven's Manor are all about you, the guest,
and helping you forget about your problems.
So, come here. Come here. Give me a hug.
Oh...
Okay, uh...
this is our Lincoln bedroom, here.
Oh, Louis, this is even cozier
than the pictures we saw on the Internet.
Hey, Honest Abe... did he ever stay here?
Um, yeah, yeah. He just checked out.
Oh, sweet, a fiver.
I mean, Dex walked me home from school every day.
Then all of a sudden he got a bus pass.
He said he wants to, "explore the neighborhood."
Uh-huh, what is that about?
Uh... I don't know, Ruby.
Um, Ruby, Ruby...
Hey, okay... You need to get over Dex.
- (SIGHS) Yeah, you're right. - Okay.
From now on this is a boy-free zone.
You're a really great friend.
I'm really sorry I've been blowing you off lately.
Oh, don't worry about it.
Besides, you're going to get over Dex.
Dex who?
(CHUCKLING)
(PHONE RINGING)
Girl zone. Ruby speaking.
Oh, hello, Dexter.
It's Dex.
Oh, no, no, now's not a good time.
See, I'm here with my best friend, Ren
and we are having so much fun.
(FORCED LAUGHING)
(PIANO PLAYING SOFTLY)
The Evening Post, Mrs. Culpepper.
What's this?
Oh, well, that's a spoon, and that's a fork
and that's a teacup.
There's pulp in my orange juice.
I don't like pulp in my orange juice.
Well, maybe you've never given it a fair shake.
Personally, I love the pulp.
Gives my OJ that right off the tree, fleshy taste.
Mm-mm.
I don't remember asking how you liked your juice.
Well, someone arrived at the B&B a wee cranky.
And this is the lovely garden cafe here at the Steven's Manor.
Ah, quaint.
Oh, yes, quaint.
We get a lot of comments from past guests about the quaintness.
Of course, the crown jewel of the garden cafe
is the lovely Tawny Dean. She's the piano player here.
We call her the human jukebox
'cause she knows all kinds of songs.
Does she know "I Hate It Here, We Should Have Gone to Hawaii"?
(CHUCKLING)
TAWNY: (SINGING) I hate it here.
We should have gone to Hawaii.
Where the say "Aloha" And roast little piggies...
Tawny, thank you. Okay? Thank you.
Sorry.
Sir, for the last time,
just give me a glass of orange juice sans pulp.
Of course.
Pulp's bad. Pulp's scary.
Ooh! Everybody look out for the pulp.
Tom. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
Let me just talk to you for a second, all right?
So, uh, when are we going golfing, right?
Tom, what are you doing, buddy? What are you doing?
Do you want to go on a trip of a lifetime, snowboarding?
- Yes. - You do? You do.
So, then you've got to help the customers.
You can't antagonize them. Go, help.
Forget the juice.
I'm turning in early.
Oh, would you like me to check your room for pulp?
Go.
All right, Dad, we want to home. This place stinks.
Boys, please.
You promised you'd behave, now...
No, we didn't.
Sir, sir, I've got this. All right, I've got this.
You guys seen the rec room, yet?
No, you haven't seen it?
Well, man. Well, there you go.
Here's a ball.
Play safe, all right?
All you have is a ping-pong table?
I never said anything about a table, so...
TWITTY: Excuse me, excuse me.
Can I take him for a second from you?
Louis, did you advertise that our B&B has a licensed masseuse on staff?
Yeah. Okay, well...
Mr. Manning wants a massage.
Oh, no problem.
Beans. Lincoln bedroom. Pronto.
Swedish... or deep tissue?
RUBY: Dex, that is so amazing.
You scored 12 points?
Ruby!
Any rebounds?
Oh, Ruby.
Whatever happened to "a guy-free zone," huh?
Dexy-pooh, can you hold on for just one second?
Ren, what is it?
You have been on that phone for an hour and a half.
I know. Isn't it great?
No.
Tonight was supposed to be you and me, just hanging out.
And then a cute boy calls and then you totally blow me off.
Oh, Ren.
You really think he's cute?
I am so out of here.
(YAWNING)
(SCREAMING)
- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
- Louis, Louis. - Get out.
- I'm so sorry... - Who is this lady?
Why is my room covered in nets and starfish?
I don't know how she wandered in.
We're gonna get her a hot meal and a shower. Okay. Sleep good.
- I'm calling Mom and Dad. - No, Ren. You're not even listening...
So, Lou, how long have you been selling cars?
28 years.
So how long have you been bald?
Oh, I've been...
Okay. So, I don't know what kind of freak show
you're running here, but it's going to end.
Ren, uh, listen, just for a second.
I'm raising this money for, uh... needy children.
For a snowboarding trip, you know?
But, I mean, if you don't have a problem with that
maybe you could sleep in the basement.
Please pick up. Please pick up.
Ren, you're not even supposed to be here. You're supposed to be at Ruby's.
I know. She bailed on me.
It's like her brain turns to mush every time she lays eyes on a cute guy...
Hi.
Hi. Is there a problem?
Uh, well my wife and I really love your B&B
but, uh, the boys just aren't happy here, and
I kind of have to agree with them.
Your kiddy pool hardly qualifies as a, uh, an aquatic center, so...
Well, I guess we'll need our money back.
Dad. Don't be so hyper. We don't have to leave.
REN: Um... are...
Are you guys identical twins?
- BOTH: Yeah. - Oh. Hi. I'm Ren Stevens,
Activities Coordinator here at the Stevens' Inn.
- Manor. - Manor.
Stevens' Manor.
You know, if you guys are looking for some fun,
I have a bunch of board games downstairs in the closet.
Right.
- Cool. - Yeah.
- Let's go. - Let's go.
Enjoy yourselves. (LAUGHS)
Well, it looks like you won't be needing your money back after all, right, sir?
Thank you.
I'll just take these back in.
(DISTRESSED SCREAMING)
MAN: Oh!
- No! - Let me know
if this is too much pressure.
(SCREAMING)
Wow, you're really tense.
(CRYING)
Beans, what are you doing?
If you're going to walk on a guy's back, take off your hiking boots.
Sir, I'm going to get you some ice for your back, all right?
Wait! You owe me 60 bucks.
(PAINED GROANING)
Oh, you landed on my kidney.
- That's going to cost you. - (LAUGHS)
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh. I'll get that. And I will be back, so
no cheating, and, uh...
hands off my pancreas.
Okay.
(LAUGHS)
- Ruby. - Ren.
I'm really sorry for wrecking our evening.
You were right. I shouldn't blow off my friends
because of some good-looking guy.
Oh. You know what? No hard feelings. Okay.
Well, I was thinking if you wanted, you can come back and sleep over.
Actually, I'm feeling kind of tired.
I think I'm going to just hit the hay.
Ren, the game's heating up. It's your move.
Oh! Just going to hit the hay, huh?
Just when the game's heating up.
Ren Stevens, you are such a hypocrite. I am going home.
Come on, guys.
(PHONE RINGING)
- Hello. - EILEEN: Hello.
Who's this?
It's Edna. Who's this?
Well, this is Eileen.
Where's Louis?
Louis hurt his back.
- He's in a great deal of pain right now. - Pain?!
Oh, my poor baby. Let me speak to him.
Hey, listen, Eileen, I don't know who you are
but Louis can't even sit up right now.
Oh, no!
All right, well, you tell him that I'll...
that I'll be there in two hours and that I love him very much.
Oh, I'll tell him.
LOUIS MANNING: Oh.
Oh.
I just got a phone call from a woman who seems to know you pretty well.
- I don't know what you're talking about. - Oh, really?
It was your chippy, Eileen.
Eileen?
She said she'd be here in two hours to see her baby.
- Two hours. - LOUIS MANNING: I never heard of her.
Would you excuse us?
Yes. Maybe I'll send somebody up to give you some...
- Uh, do you need a...? - (DOOR SLAMMING)
(PAINED SCREAMING)
(WHISTLING)
REN: Hey, Louis.
You know, at first I thought this was the worst idea you ever had
but Ruby and I have to admit...
you had some pretty cute guests.
Majorly cute.
Well, uh, too bad it's all about to blow up in our faces, right?
What are you talking about?
Well, um, I just found out that my parents are coming home in two hours.
It's gonna get ugly, so if you guys want to leave
I wouldn't blame you.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
Okay, so, uh, we talked it over and we're not going to let you go down alone.
As a matter fact, while we were outside.
Ren came up with a way to get us out of this mess.
Ren did?
I did.
You see, I should have called Mom and Dad hours ago,
so my butt's on the line, too.
Yeah. So, uh, how are we going to get all these people out of here, hmm?
It's almost... Yeah. It's almost 12:00.
They're all going to want their money back.
I know.
Unless they don't know it's midnight.
Oh, I see where you're going.
I see where you're going.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah. Um, I don't really know where you're going, so...
Cock-a-doodle do!
(TRIANGLE DINGING)
Good morning, everybody.
Let's get up, up, up.
What's all the ruckus?
Oh. Hello.
Breakfast will now be served in the Garden Cafe.
- What time is it? - It's 7:00 a.m. Let's get up, people.
It's going to be a beautiful day.
Temperatures are going to be in the mid-60s.
Oh, and the skies will be mostly... dark. Yeah.
Let's move, people.
Something smells ambrosial.
Don't look at me, lady.
Louis, we don't have enough time
to serve all these people a full breakfast.
This is a bed and breakfast. We gave them the bed.
Time to give them the breakfast.
Give me some strawberries. Watch out, Beans.
Get the top, man. Get the top. There we go.
Pour it in, pour it in. There we go.
Oh, yeah!
All right, all right, all right.
- There we go. - Okay.
Top on, and there we have it.
Oh!
REN: Yummy!
LOUIS: Oh, it's thrilling.
We got fireworks, too.
All right, here you go.
There's a drink for someone.
Oh, yeah. That looks good, huh?
What the heck is this slop?
It's the specialty of the house - deluxe breakfast combo to go, all right?
Chop, chop!
REN: Here, guys, drink up.
- We're feeling rushed here. - No, no, no.
See, it states clearly in your brochure
if you got one, um
that, uh, check out time is 7:00 a.m. You see that, folks?
That's your gas bill.
Can I at least have some coffee?
Uh, yeah. Give her some coffee and, uh, drink up.
We'll get out of here.
You can have seconds if there are some left.
REN: Drink it up!
Now, it's time to go, all right?
Wait a second. What about our luggage?
Why don't you have Eileen get it?
No, no, no, no. Don't worry about it...
It's all been taken care of by our complimentary packing service.
(GROANING)
See?
(EXHALES)
Here you go.
Please collect your things and follow me in an orderly fashion.
This way, people.
Move it, move it. Move it, move it...
LOUIS: There you go. Enjoy your flight.
Okay, all right. Come on. There you go.
Move it out. Keep going.
Hurry up. Okay, good job.
REN. All right, guys, go ahead. Thanks for coming.
LOUIS. Let's go. Move it out.
You all come back now. You hear?
Thank you guys for coming.
You guys were great guests. Drive safe.
All right.
Let's do it.
- Steve, can't you drive any faster? - (HORN HONKING)
You're slower than my mother.
You think you could drive any better?
(ENGINE REVVING)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
EILEEN: Hurry up.
Oh, guys, they're here.
STEVE: All right, all right. I'm coming, I'm coming.
Come on, guys. Come on.
See you on slopes, buddy.
- You've got it. - Okay.
Let's go. Go, Beans! Go!
Louis, are you all right?
- How is your back? - My back?
My... My back!
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it went out but, uh, then... then, it came back in
so, now, it's... I mean, it's all good.
You know.
Ren, you didn't stay at Ruby's?
Oh, well, you know, when my bro needs me, I...
I got your back.
She's got my back.
My back.
All right. Well, good then.
Okay, who... who is this Edna?
LOUIS: Uh... Edna... Edna is a, uh...
- REN: She's a... - She's a... school...
BOTH: nurse!
- The school nurse. - Exactly.
- Who helped me with my... - BOTH: back!
The school nurse made a house call in the middle of the night?
Excuse me. I forgot my umbrella.
Oh. Oh.
Who are you?
I'm Edna. Who are you?
I'm Eileen.
You're Edna. Oh, Edna, thank you
for taking care of Louis.
EDNA: Well, let me tell you something, Eileen,
I have devoted my entire life to taking care of Louis,
so let me give you a little warning.
Stay away from him!
The school nurses are so protective.
Honey, I'm... I'm so bushed.
Can we just go to bed? I...
- Yeah. Go to bed. - We're going to get you some food.
Absolutely go to bed.
LOUIS: Strawberries, all right, Dad? Happy anniversary.
REN: Happy...
Thank you, Bob.
I recently stumbled upon a local bed and breakfast
and had an experience I will never forget.
It's called Stevens' Manor
and it's right here in Sacramento.
The cozy decor was very soothing.
I usually don't sleep through the night
but when my head hit the pillow
the next thing I knew, it was morning.
But best of all was the young, hip staff
whom I found to be extremely attentive.
Honey, whose turn is it to scream?
Yours.
Ren!
Louis!