(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
Isn't algebra exciting?
The constant search for the unknown.
Now, let's see what our three young mathematicians have come up with.
Tawny, what'd you get?
Um, I got... I got X equals 7, Y equals 9.
Correctamundo.
Mr. Twitty, how'd you do on yours?
Um, X equals 4, Y equals 6?
Perfection.
The man is a genius.
Mr. Stevens... what have we here?
It's a map of Utah.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
Louis, always trying to keep things light.
But ultimately, I have to know that you know
what you're talking about.
(TICKING)
Yeah, I, um... I'll tell you... I got, um...
I got 2X plus 7X to the fifth times Y.
Uh... to which I say, why not?
Why do fools fall in love?
These are all very big questions, you know?
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Unfortunately, we're out of time.
So sorry.
MR. LOPEZ: Quickly.
Any questions before the big midterm tomorrow?
Because as they say, the only stupid questions
are the ones you ask yourself
on the bus ride home.
I have a question.
Yes, Louis?
Um, if a chicken had lips, could it whistle?
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
I'll ask myself on the bus ride home.
Thanks, Olga. Break a leg at the meet.
That about wraps it up for Olga Seabolt,
perhaps the best ninth grade pole-vaulter in Sacramento.
With Olga leading the way, Lawrence has a great shot
at winning their first city championship
on the big meet on Friday.
Oh, hey, look, there's Artie Ryan.
Hey, Artie, um...
so how are you preparing for your shot put?
Buzz off, I'm training.
Well, that's fascinating. You know what's really fun
is when a reporter tries to do an activity that she's reporting on.
No, it's not.
(CHUCKLES)
What do I do, just throw it?
- Heave it. - Heave it. Okay.
(GRUNTS)
- (THUDS) - (GASPS)
(GROANS) Olga.
Nice heave.
I...
Olga, I am so sorry.
Look, um, I could buy you a bag of ice, right?
- My treat. Jumbo bag. - Way to go, Stevens.
You just blew our team's chance of winning.
But, Coach Carns,
can I make it up to you at least?
Um... I'll bake you some brown bread.
I don't need no stinking brown bread. I need a pole-vaulter.
- Oh, then I can pole-vault. - (SCOFFS)
You think you can learn the most difficult sport
in track and field in one week?
Coach, come on, I once made a complete diorama
of Albert Einstein's study in 30 minutes.
Oh, listen, honey, I dated Einstein.
He could probably pole-vault higher than you.
Well, can you just give me a chance?
Well...
you look a little flimsy to me.
But if you're anything like your brother Donnie,
maybe you can learn by Friday.
I can and I will.
In fact, I'm gonna start training today.
I'm gonna show you I'm gonna be a great pole-vaulter.
Yeah, and I'm getting back together with Einstein.
(CACKLES)
All right, there was this one time in second grade
where I had this babysitter who used to always come over to my house
and do her algebra homework, okay?
And so, I'm sitting there, and I ask her, I'm like,
"Hey, why are doing math with letters?"
And she was all like, "Go in the kitchen"
"and make me a sandwich, you little brat."
Like, she was not a very good babysitter, okay?
But anyways, I remember sitting there thinking
I am never gonna be able to do algebra.
- Yeah, but Mr. Lopez makes it easy. - Yeah, and fun, too.
Like, I really feel I'm gonna ace this midterm tomorrow.
Guys, I think I missed the point of this whole story.
Did you make her the sandwich or not?
Okay, do you guys wanna come over to my house for a study session?
Yeah, yeah, I'm in. Louis?
Today? No. No, I can't. I mean, I'd love to, but I can't.
I got this, uh, very important meeting with a colleague of mine.
Why do my fingers smell like egg salad?
Beans, come on, man, you got to focus.
Look, this is a tremendous learning opportunity for you.
See, Beans, this is potentially my greatest undertaking ever.
So, what's the deal, boss?
I can't tell you that, Beans.
You're on a strictly need-to-know basis, buddy.
- Louis. - Yeah?
Shouldn't you be studying for your algebra midterm?
I... I... I am.
In my own way.
With Beans and a leaf blower?
Don't look at me.
I'm on a need-to-know basis.
(CHUCKLES)
See, X equals Y to the fourth power.
Listen up, Stevens.
You've got to at least get over the bar for us to have a shot at the championship.
Over the bar.
REN: I gotcha.
I may have lost my gallbladder and my sense of smell
but I'm not losing this track meet, missy.
Okay.
(SQUEALS)
Stevens!
You stink!
Well... it's not as easy as it looks.
Look, just say to yourself, "Left, right"
"left, right, hold on tight"
"with all your might, plant, drive, arch and over."
That's gonna work?
Hold my eyelashes.
(YELLING)
Oh, my gosh, that was so amazing, Coach.
You really inspired me to... - Lashes. -Oh.
Right.
Okay. This is your first big-boy prank.
I know, it's a dream come true.
(WHISPERS) All right, be quiet.
Ah, good morning, Peaches.
- Ah. - BIRD: Hi, handsome.
How you doing, Peaches?
- (BIRD SQUAWKS) - (LAUGHS)
Oh, I just love our little pep talks. Yes.
Oh, yes.
Did you sleep well? I know you did.
Get on your daddy's shoulder. Yeah.
Oh, let's see how it is outside. (CHUCKLES)
Oh, they're just... Huh? What? What? What?
(GASPS) Peaches, it's snowing.
Right here in Sacramento.
(SQUAWKS)
You put the ice in, Beans?
Beans, come on, man, faster with the ice.
There you go, there you go.
Hurry up. Don't put the plunger in.
Put ice! No.
ANNOUNCER: (ON RADIO) We interrupt this broadcast for a special bulletin.
Ladies and gentlemen of Sacramento,
we are experiencing our first real blizzard.
That's right, a nasty
nasty blizzard.
With snow piling up to six feet.
Boy, that's bigger than a school door.
Oh, my stars!
Ow.
Oh, Peaches.
Conrad, don't panic. Don't panic.
(GASPS)
It's real!
Hey, mister.
Sorry about the snowball, mister.
School's out.
What? School's out?
LOUIS: The following schools are closed due to this blizzard.
Jefferson, Folsom,
Carmichael, Citrus Heights, Rancho Cordova
and we're still waiting to hear from Lawrence.
I guess someone's asleep over there at the switch.
Well, I'll tell you this, whoever's in charge over there
won't be in charge for long.
(RINGING)
Lawrence Junior High.
Oh, Mildred, you made it in.
Mr. Wexler?
Get on the auto-dialer right away.
We need to notify every parent that I'm closing the school.
May I ask why?
Very funny.
Now stay inside, keep warm.
Oh, and if you get hungry, I have turkey in the desk drawer.
Mildred, I think I know snow when I see it.
REN: (ON RADIO) Louis, what are you doing?
LOUIS: Ren, please just keep jogging. Keep jogging.
REN: Put down the microphone.
Uh, Mildred, cancel that cancellation.
Shut the schools down immediately.
- Immediately, shut them down. - Give me the mic! Give me it!
- Give me it! (GRUNTS) - No, you can't...
I got your back, boss.
Sorry.
Bad... bad aim, bad aim.
Sorry, sorry.
Tim looks good.
That championship is ours.
Mr. Wexler.
What about Louis?
Louis has some explaining to do
about his little snow scam.
It... it... What... It's... Look, I just felt that, um...
everybody at Lawrence,
you know, was doing really good work
and, um, we could use a day off, that's all.
That's enough! I'm sorry, Mr. Wexler.
Louis will never pull this kind of a stunt again.
That's right.
Because I am officially suspending Louis from school.
I'm having his locker cleaned out as we speak.
Louis Stevens is not allowed in this school for one whole week.
Welcome to Stevens Academy.
For the next week, this room is your school.
He's all yours.
Louis, you're late,
and we have a lot of assignments to get through.
Now, we'll begin with English class.
You forgot to call attendance, Mom.
- Louis... - Present.
This is serious.
I have taken off work for you.
So you had better shape up
or you will never leave this house, understood?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Very good, Louis.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Two, three, good, four and five and...
- (BLOWS WHISTLE) - First you must climb, climb.
(GRUFFLY) You're gonna love this, I know you will.
(BRITISH ACCENT) "I know how to tell thee who I am."
(FEMININE VOICE) "My ears have not yet drunk a hundred words."
(BRITISH ACCENT) "My name, dear saint, is hateful to myself."
(FEMININE VOICE) "Art thou not Romeo?"
"I would tear the word."
Oh, oh, oh, bravo, honey.
- Thank you so much. - Oh, I just...
Very constraining, and I'd like to change now.
Okay, we've covered everything but algebra.
Well, look at the time.
Um, it's spring break,
so I'll see you in a week, or ten days or whatever.
I'll be in Cabo.
Louis, come on, honey.
You are doing too well to quit now.
(CHUCKLES)
Left, right. Hold on tight
with all your might.
Plant, drive, arch... and over!
(SQUEALS, GRUNTS)
(FRUSTRATED GRUNT)
You know that you're supposed to go over the bar, right?
Really, Artie? Thanks for that helpful hint.
- The championships are tomorrow. - Yeah.
And don't worry about me.
I'll be ready.
Yeah, and I'll be the king of Norway.
(SQUEALS)
- (LOUIS SNORING) - Louis?
(CONTINUES SNORING)
- Louis? - I didn't do it!
I know.
What?
The equation, you didn't do it.
Huh?
I did the equation in my head, up here.
Okay, good, now do it on the board.
Mom, don't you think we did enough work today, huh?
Okay. You can finish it for homework.
- For homework? - Mm-hmm.
(CHUCKLES) No, we're already home.
So technically, this was homework.
Yeah, you can't give homework on homework.
- It's just not done. - Louis...
something is going to be finished here.
It's either going to be this work or your weekend.
Now, you decide.
Mom, you... Mom, you can't do that.
(LOUIS MUMBLING)
Forty-five! You got it, baby!
You got it totally wrong, Louis.
You know what, why don't you just...
go accomplish something and leave me alone.
Louis, I... I'm really not trying to put you down.
I just don't understand why you put so much effort
into skipping one day of school.
No, you don't wanna hear. No.
You know, in a freakish, kind of weird-sister way, I do.
All right, well, it's this stuff.
- Algebra. - Yeah.
I don't understand it, and I'll listen
and I'll try to understand it, but I can't.
And that's why I did the whole snow thing
and then I tried to get the, uh, the midterm postponed.
I don't understand, if you had a problem
why didn't you just go ask Mr. Lopez for help?
(ECHOING) What's the worst that happen?
(SHOUTING)
(MALICIOUS LAUGHTER)
Hey, stupid!
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
Oh! No, I can't. I can't. I can't.
I can't do it. People are gonna think I'm stupid.
Stupid? You may do some really stupid things sometimes
but that doesn't mean that you are stupid.
Listen, I'm the only kid in the class
that doesn't know what's going on.
I know how it feels
to try and try at something and just never get it right.
No, you don't. You don't understand. You're good at everything.
Thanks.
But did you ever try pole-vaulting?
Is... is that where they, uh...
They... they do the volleyball in the pool?
No, that's when you stick the pole in the ground
and you hit yourself.
Are you gonna go to that track meet later?
Is your sister really gonna do the pole vault?
Stop. Guys, I'm trying to concentrate, please.
MR. LOPEZ: So, obviously,
the first thing we do are the operations inside the parentheses.
(ECHOING) So, we have blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Okay. Any questions?
Last chance before the train leaves the station.
Yeah.
Louis?
Um...
I... I don't understand.
I'm glad you asked for help.
Why don't you, uh...
catch up with me after school.
Oh.
You see, Louis, sometimes when something in math doesn't click,
it means there's a gap in your knowledge that keeps you from understanding.
- A gap? - Yeah.
Well, I got gaps.
Yeah. Uh, when did you first feel like you were falling behind?
Oh, like, kindergarten.
Yeah.
(HEAVY SIGH)
Okay. So, let's start at the beginning.
(CHUCKLING) Okay.
Next?
Basic addition, 15 plus 21.
Multiplication. This is genius.
Division.
See how many times eight goes into 432.
That's it. You solved it, boss.
Going to algebra now.
3X equals... 2Y plus six.
No, we wanna leave the three over here.
- Right, right, right. Okay. - Good.
Then Y equals 452.
- That's it, buddy. - All right.
Good job. Good job, buddy.
ANNOUNCER: This is Artie Ryan's final attempt.
Will he break the school record?
- He breaks it! - (CHEERING)
Nice shot, Ryan! School record!
A lot of good that'll do.
Ya!
(CROWD GROANS)
ANNOUNCER: That was Ren Stevens with another miss.
She has one last attempt.
Ay-yay-yay-yay-yay-yay!
Okay, Stevens, if you don't make it over the bar,
we lose the championship.
Yeah, no pressure or anything.
Eh, quit bellyaching.
You've been training all week.
You can do it!
Just remember everything I told you.
- Okay. Here goes. - This is Ren Stevens's final attempt.
All she has to do is clear the bar
for Lawrence Junior High to win the championship.
(SIGHS) Left, right, hold on tight.
Left, right, hold on tight.
- Mom, Dad, I'm trying to concentrate. - Guess what.
I got it. I can solve equations with two unknowns now.
I'm trying to pole-vault here.
Then you might wanna put the stick thingy in the ground, Ren.
ANNOUNCER: Ren Stevens is up...
- And over! - (CROWD CHEERING)
For the first time, Lawrence Junior High is the city grand champion!
Holy Toledo!
(ALL CHEERING)
- (BOINGING AND CRASHING ON TV) - (LOUIS LAUGHS)
Hey, do you ever see Artie Ryan around anywhere?
No, not since the track meet.
- (NEWS BREAK THEME PLAYING) - What?
ANCHORMAN: We interrupt this cartoon to go live to Oslo
for our special coronation coverage.
I now pronounce you King Artie of Norway.
(ROYAL MUSIC PLAYING)
I am the king!
(CHEERING)
(MUSIC PLAYS LOUDLY)
- Brownie? - Yeah.