(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
WEXLER: (OVER PA) Good morning, students.
Due to an unfortunate infestation
of winged cockroaches over at Jefferson... ow!
We will temporarily be sharing our facilities
with some of their students.
So, please, be gracious hosts.
Ow!
Easy on those lats... ow!
Okay, girls, this is the last banner.
We are all set for the social event of the season.
Uh, Ren, I think you're forgetting something.
I am?
We still haven't discussed what we're wearing.
- I'm thinking halter. - I'm thinking spaghetti straps.
And I'm thinking some of these Jefferson guys
have serious "date" potential.
RUBY: Ooh, great eyes.
REN: Nice Smile.
MONIQUE: Bad shoes.
I can't dance with a boy who wears "mandals."
(CHUCKLING)
Hey, what about that guy?
REN: Nice sweater.
MONIQUE: Good cheek bones.
RUBY: Bad hair.
Well, at least it's nice to see some new faces. Right, girls? Okay.
In fact, I volunteered to share my locker with someone. Let's see.
Looks like someone just moved in.
Mm, smells like a boy.
Yeah, a cute boy.
Oh, come on, guys.
He's got cool stuff.
Huh, I wonder who he is.
Hey, so are you going to get a new suit for the big dance?
Hold on, let me explain something to you. 'Cause I'm adamant about this.
There is a dance Friday night but it's not necessarily the "big dance."
Why not? It is semiformal.
I don't go around handing out the word "big" all the time.
'Cause it's always big. It's always the big dance
or the big formal or the big track meet.
What about the track meets that are just track meets?
Sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine. I'll probably wear my plaid blazer.
Oh, yeah.
Hey. Ow! My foot!
- Whoa, Charlene, what'd you do that for? - Ask him!
He's the one who put this gum in my hair.
What? No, I didn't!
Oh!
Yeah, and that was for lying.
Stay away from me.
LOUIS: Aw, man, help me, help me.
Ren.
So, did you meet your mystery man yet?
I keep missing him but he's going to come back;
he left his notebook.
Six subjects, college rule, extra pockets for handouts.
Just like mine.
You two are just made for each other.
What's his name?
See, I don't know.
Hello? Open the notebook.
I can't do that. That's an invasion of privacy.
Excuse me. (SINGING) Da da da.
Oops! Look at that.
ALL: Travis Greshim.
- That's interesting. - REN AND RUBY: What?
Look at the way he dots his "I's."
It means he's strong, sensitive,
and very, very generous.
(SIGHING)
I have got to meet this guy.
(GASPS)
(CLANKING)
(RUMBLING)
(YELLING)
Louis!
LOUIS: I'm innocent!
Help me! I've been bamboozled!
I'm just a patsy!
Okay, Principle Wexler, what did my brother do now?
Your brother put this rubber mouse in the faculty fruit bowl.
No, I didn't! I haven't pulled
a rubber mouse gag since the fourth grade.
- We have witnesses. - Ren, come on.
It's a mockery. A sham, a flimflam.
Don't let me go. Don't let me go, Ren!
Ren!
Travis?
REN: (THINKING) Travis, Travis...
Yes! Travis Greshim.
3.82 GPA, respectable.
Photographer of the school newspaper.
President of the French club, ooh, la la.
Voted best smile... Oh, photo unavailable?
I bet every other kid has a picture.
Hey, what's this?
Louis?
Oh, that's freaky.
Oh, uh... (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
And if there's one more immature prank
you can expect severe consequences.
Psst. Come here. Come here.
Why are you looking at my file?
It's not your file.
Loomis Freeman.
Yeah. It's one of the Jefferson kids
and he looks exactly like you.
You know what this is?
That's my evil twin.
That explains it, he's my evil twin!
Which would be pretty cool if he wasn't trying to ruin my life.
I am getting so frustrated.
I'm wondering if I'm ever going to meet this Travis Greshim.
GIRL: Hi, Travis.
Here you go.
- Thanks, Charlene. - CHARLENE: They're really good.
Guys, guys, that's him.
Look, he really does have the best smile.
You have to go talk to him.
- I do? - Go get him, Ren.
Yeah.
Okay, okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going.
Hey.
I think we're locker mates.
You're Ren.
Yeah. You know my name.
Uh, guess I'm busted.
I checked inside one of your books.
Oh, yeah, well, it probably fell
and you just looked at the cover, right?
Something like that.
- Yeah. - Want to sit down?
Um... yes.
(CHUCKLES)
They are cuter than two fluffy kittens on a ball of string.
Aw, sweet.
Twitty, no. Stop it!
Why did you do that?
You know why? 'Cause you rigged that drinking fountain and drenched me.
Twitty, that wasn't me.
- Well, then who was it? Oh, okay. - It was my evil twin.
You shouldn't have done that. See? Look.
Who's that?
- Oh, you really do have an evil twin. - We got to find him, man.
Listen, before you do anything,
all right, just hold on
for a second, look at the picture.
It's not me. It's my evil twin.
You see?
(LAUGHING)
Loomis Freeman must be stopped, Twitty.
So, you're, um, you're president of the French club.
That's really cool.
How'd you know I was in the French club?
I guess people's hobbies.
Well, let me guess yours.
File snooping.
Yeah, I guess I'm busted, too.
(LAUGHING)
Um... we should probably go.
Oh, I can't believe lunch is over.
I didn't get a chance to ask you to the dance Friday night.
Well, I, I think you just did.
So, what do you say?
Yeah.
That, that would be great.
So, Ren, I can't believe you finally met Travis.
- And he's taking you to the dance. - That is so exciting.
So, what's he like?
Oh, well, he's everything I thought he'd be.
He's smart and he's nice...
Hey, Ren. He's right here.
Hi. Um, Travis, these are my friends.
This Ruby and Monique.
Hi. Excuse me.
So, see you in the a.m.?
- Yeah. Okay. - All right. Cool. Nice to meet you guys.
You, too.
Told you he was nice.
What?
Ren, maybe you didn't notice
but he's a tad bit shorter than you are.
Yeah, if a tad is, like, eight inches.
(LAUGHING)
Hey.
Okay, so there's a slight height difference.
Slightly enormous.
(LAUGHING)
For your information, ladies,
it doesn't bother me at all.
So, let's just drop this.
Ren, we were just joking.
I mean, he seems like a really nice guy.
BOY: Weather report! Scattered showers!
(SCREAMING)
- That brat! - Your brother is so obnoxious!
Yeah, but that wasn't him. It was his evil twin.
Did you guys see me ride by here on a bicycle?
- RUBY AND MONIQUE: Yeah. - Where did I go?
That... that way? Thank you.
I told you.
Lou, this is bad, man. He's getting inside your head.
He's starting to get the best of you.
Look at his beady little eyes and his freakish face.
You see, Twitty, he's staring at me. He's staring at me, Twitty!
That's what he's doing! And he's mocking me, Twitty!
Louis, Louis, stop, man. This isn't helping.
Yeah, you're right, Twitty.
If I was up to no good
what would my next move be?
- Oh, no! - What?
He's going to sabotage the big dance.
I thought you said, you know, it wasn't the big dance.
It just became the big dance. Come on.
Okay, class, you will notice that hydrogen sulfide
will have the familiar smell of rotten eggs.
ALL: Ew!
Now, hydrogen sulfide is fairly soluble...
REN: Okay, so Travis is shorter than me.
But he's also funny, nice and really cute.
I mean, how important is somebody's height, anyway?
TEACHER: of latex tubing. Now, for those of you with the syringes,
please remember my motto:
"safety first."
Oh, boy.
Hydrogen sulfide is a very dangerous gas
if ingested too much.
Good evening. Table for one?
Hello? She's on a date.
Oh, of course. Table for one-and-a-half.
Right this way.
Now, will you be needing a booster chair?
No, we will not.
You're going to love this place, Travis.
Looking forward to it.
We're going to need that booster chair.
So, uh, the food's great here.
What are you having?
(HIGH PITCHED VOICE) I'll have what you're having.
Travis? Let's eat. I've got a bit appetite.
Oh, um...
Hi, Ren. I didn't know you were going to be here.
Um, Monique... (LOUD SQUISH AND SCREAM)
- You're sitting on my date! - I did?!
Um, waiter, check, please.
Oh, no!
(BELL RINGING) Okay, we'll finish up tomorrow.
Durban's gas really stinks.
Uh, hey, Travis.
Are you okay?
I can't go to the dance with you.
That stinks, too.
Well, um...
My friend Ruby has an obsession
with, uh... the number three.
She has three different items for lunch
and she goes to dances in groups of three,
and, well, I'm number three.
Well, maybe I'll see you there.
Maybe.
Definitely.
(SIGHS) Bye.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Man, I don't see Loomis.
Yep. Must be blowing up his whoopee cushion.
PRINCIPAL WEXLER: Stevens, what is this?
What is this? What is this?
Oh, that's a fly in an ice cube.
But, hey, I know what you're thinking. Look.
- It's not his work. - It's not my work. Didn't do it.
This is your last warning, Stevens.
I'm watching you.
(EVIL CHUCKLE)
Oh, boy, am I watching you.
You've got to find Loomis, dude.
Yeah, you could say that three times fast.
You've got to find Loomis. You've got to find Loomis. You've got to find Loomis.
Okay, boys, come and get us.
Um... I don't see Travis.
Do you want to see him?
Well, yeah.
Uh... no.
I'm going home.
Oh, no, you don't.
You're staying right here with us
and you're going to have fun.
Oh, but guys, I'm an insensitive person
who does not deserve to have fun ever again.
Well, if you're not going to have fun then neither are we.
That's right. We'll just stand here with you and drink punch all night.
And... see ya.
Bye.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey.
Um, Louis, why are people so hung up on physical differences?
I don't know.
Oh, well, you look nice.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Is this a flower? Where'd you get it?
- (SQUIRTS) - (LAUGHING)
Loui...!
Louis!
(GROANS)
Water gun?
- Squirting flower. - That amateur.
(POPPING)
Of course. The balloons.
PRINCIPAL WEXLER: Attention.
Welcome to Lawrence Junior High's semi-annual semi-formal.
I want to thank the students from Jefferson
for being such perfect guests.
You will be returning to your school on Monday.
But first, we have a special treat.
Please welcome Travis Gresham.
(APPLAUSE)
TRAVIS: Hi.
Thanks for making my week here so cool.
So, to say thanks, I took some photos.
I was a little nervous coming to a new school.
I thought you guys might be kind of weird.
(LAUGHTER)
And I've got to thank Mr. Wexler for making us feel especially welcome.
(STUDENTS LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLING)
Here's a series of shots of some of the stuff I saw this week.
(LAUGHTER)
Loomis Freeman.
Yes. Who are you?
I'm Louis Stevens.
So, we finally meet.
Yes.
Well, you better get out of here, stupid head
'cause I filled this balloon with some water.
That's it, that's your big joke? Just one water balloon?
You think you're going to drop it and ruin the whole dance?
Yeah. Cool, huh?
No. It's not cool, Loomis.
It's not.
In fact, it's pathetic.
See, if it was me, I'd fill all these balloons up with water
and then I'd drop them.
You don't know nothing. What do you know?
Whoa...
Loomis, listen. Stop, please, just listen to me for a second.
I know that one water balloon, gum in your hair,
little rubber mice, it ain't gonna to cut it, man.
Strictly third grade.
Shut up! I hate you!
The worst part is, I'm getting blamed for the shoddy work.
(LAUGHTER)
TRAVIS: It was a great week.
We had new teachers...
we had new classes...
and some of us even made new friends.
So, to all you Lawrence kids
thanks for making our week here so cool.
(APPLAUSE)
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
Travis is so sweet.
Ren, I can't believe you broke up with him.
(SIGHS) I have to talk to him.
- You do that. - Yeah.
- Ooh. - I guess you win, all right?
No harm, no foul.
Oh, bro, you got a booger.
It's a runner, man. You got to catch that.
- Here, I'll hold that for you. - You kidding me? Oh!
- What's up now, Loomis?! - You tricked me!
Now, listen, this school ain't big enough for the both of us.
Now you get out of here,
and don't ever besmirch my name again, Loomis.
What's "besmirch" mean?
"Besmirch"?
I don't know what besmirch...
Oh!
Look out!
- LOUIS: It wasn't me. - Out! Out!
I swear, it wasn't me. It was my...
Evil twin? Yes, and we all have one
and they do naughty things
that we never, ever should do. Good-bye.
Hey, Ren.
What happened to you?
Little brother, evil twin.
Long story.
But... I deserved it.
What are you talking about?
Look, Travis...
I made up an excuse to get out of going to the dance with you.
Because you were embarrassed about our height difference.
I just... I didn't want people looking at us, you know? I...
And why do you care so much about what people think?
You're right.
I shouldn't care what other people think at all, right?
So... don't.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I loved your presentation.
Thanks.
I should go. I'm a mess.
I... think you look great.
Let's dance.
Oh, Louis, hey! I've been looking all over for you.
'Kay, I didn't put nothing in the punch bowl.
Hey, so, um, how you doing?
Uh, okay. These dances are always so lame, though.
Yes. Yes.
What's this material here? (SNIFFING)
You smell purdy.
You smell purdy, too.
- (LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS)
Thank you.
Hey, you want to dance?
- Yeah. I'd love to. - Great.
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(BANGING ON WINDOW)
Loomis!
Loomis, get off now, Loomis!
Loomis!
Get off of her!
(BLINDS SLIDE)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)