(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
And if my boss asks if you've had any experience just say "tons."
Tons? Ruby, the only real job I've ever had
is a lemonade stand in the second grade.
There you go. Extensive food-related experience.
Ruby, am I overdressed?
You're way past over.
Oh, but don't worry about it.
You're going to get the job and we are going to be working together
at the hottest counter at the mall.
And for some reason
the cutest guys just love toast.
Check it out, Ren.
Wow, you guys all look like you're having a great time.
Yeah, it's great except for our boss that wormy little tiny... Mr. Squirelli.
Less talking, more toasting.
Um, Hi. I'm Ren Stevens.
Um, I just... My office!
What?
- Impressive resumé. - Thank you.
Ever made toast before, Ren Stevens?
Um...
Sure. Every morning.
I meant professionally.
Oh, um... well, I had a lemonade stand once
and I thought about serving toast, but, uh...
Oops. Ooh.
Ren, forget everything that you think you know
about making toast
'cause we don't just sell toast.
This is a whole new world.
We sell fun, and... and energy.
And... and the whole toast lifestyle.
Wow.
You're really good.
It's all about professionalism.
(SCREAMING)
(DRUMMING ERRATICALLY)
This one's called "Lobster Attack."
(BEATING DRUMS LOUDLY)
(YELLING)
(STEVE AND EILEEN CLAMORING)
(MUFFLED SOUNDS)
Stop that racket or my head's going to fall off!
I thought you'd be happy because I'm studying a musical instrument.
There's no studying going on around here. You're just futzing around.
- Loudly. - Very loudly.
- Day and night. - Night and day.
What do you want me to do?
Well, your mother and I bought you a little present.
Basic Beats. Techniques of Rhythm.
Wow. Guys, this is boring.
How am I going to learn drums from a book?
Lou, either you're going to learn to play these drums or I will.
Steve, that makes no sense.
Yeah, that's just because he's... all that banging's got my brain scrambled.
I can't think straight anymore.
Well, you know there's that guy at the music store that gives lessons.
He used to be in a band.
Good. Great. Good.
You're starting tomorrow.
I'll give you a blank check.
I don't think I need it. I mean, listen...
(LOUD, UNRHYTHMIC BEATING)
Thank you so much for this opportunity, Mr. Squirelli.
I want you to know that I read
the entire training manual last night
and I memorized the Ten Commandments of Toast.
Number one: Don't over toast.
Number two: Never under toast.
Ren Stevens, stop showing off.
You're on crumb-tray detail.
I want you scrape these trays clean.
I don't see one crumb. Not one.
Hi. Welcome to Your Toast. You'll like our toast the most.
What can I toast for you today?
Oh, great shirt. Did you get that at the Hot Top shop?
Uh... excuse me. Just one second. Can I talk to you, please?
Coming through. That was not a toast-related conversation.
Oh, come on, Norman. Lighten up.
I have my eye on you, Ruby Mandel.
And it's Mr. Squirelli.
Here's your toast.
Ooh, crumb-tray detail, huh?
Yeah. You got to start somewhere, right?
Hey, Hector, Denise...
This is my best friend Ren.
- Hey, what's up? - Hey, how you doing?
Hi. Nice to meet you.
I cannot wait to be at the counter with you guys.
Well, you have to work your way up.
But, uh, there is this one shortcut I know.
Nah, forget it.
Oh, no, no. You have to tell me. I need to be where the action is.
Okay.
All you have to do is show Squirelli
that you can do a spinning triple.
When the toast pops, just spin around three times
and catch each piece on a plate.
Don't worry. It's easy.
Huh?
Stand over there.
- Ready? Ready? - No. No. No!
Spin!
(CRASHING)
(LAUGHING)
Sorry, Ren.
No one can do a real spinning triple.
Believe me. I've tried.
It's just a joke we play on all the rookies on their first day.
You did okay, Ren. Welcome to Your Toast.
LARRY: Yeah, Ren, welcome to Your Toast.
What do you want, Larry?
Well, not some crummy piece of toast, that's for sure.
He's just jealous 'cause nobody goes to the Shake-Shake City anymore.
Okay, it's not my fault that people are stupid enough
to pay money to see you clowns play with their food.
We're selling style as well as substance, Larry.
(CHUCKLES)
Well, uh, too bad you don't have either.
Oh, don't.
He's not worth it.
Get over here.
What are you doing?
Commandment number seven: Never nibble.
I'm sorry, but I'm starving.
They don't give us free pistachios like they do at Nuts 'n' Wall.
Yeah, and over the Pizza Pagoda they take home a 12-incher.
This is the only place in the whole food court that gets nothing.
Well, that doesn't seem fair.
Excuse me! May I hear Commandment Three, please?
ALL: Never talk about anything but toast.
All right. Now, back to work!
EILEEN: Louis, your drum teacher's here.
(CRASHING)
(WAILING)
Rock and roll!
How are you Sacramento?!
- Good. - I'm Nicky Pox.
Hi.
Hi. How are you doing?
So, you're my drum teacher, man? Hey, why do you look so familiar?
You ever hear of little band called Kiss?
Yeah. Yes, I have!
I played in a band that opened for them once in Fresno.
(PLAYS DRUMS)
Well, go ahead. Teach me some stuff, man.
Rule one:
drummers never wear sleeves.
Dude, my mom is going to be so...
Nice.
Hey...
Horseplay?
No thanks, Mr. Squirelli.
- We're working. - Excuse me. That's not funny.
The only person I see working here
is Ren Stevens.
Ren, what are today's specials?
Ripley Raisin Raspberry Razzmatazz and I Can't Believe It's Not Tuna.
Very good. Ren Stevens, come over here.
I want to see how you do on the front counter.
Wow. Thank you, Mr. Squirelli.
In fact, here comes your first customer right now.
Him?
- Is there a problem? - No.
No, sir.
Hmm...
(SPITTING) Hey, there.
Hi, Welcome to Your Toast.
You'll love our toast the most.
What can we toast for you today, sir?
Hey, there... what is it? Ren? How you doing, Ren?
Listen, uh, you know I got a hankering for some toast
but dang it, I just can't decide, you know?
How many grains are in that nine-grain bread you got there?
Nine, sir.
- Really? - Mm-hmm.
Hmm...
You want to come here for second? Come here. Just come here.
Ren, I spent all my cash on these new drummer duds I got.
So, how about you float your brother some nibblage, huh?
Are you asking for free food?
No, no, I'm asking... you know, come on, like a crust.
You know, like a raisin or something like this.
That is against the rules. Get out of here.
- What? - Yeah.
You talk to me that way?
Oh, I tell you one thing.
This is the last time I'll be begging at this establishment.
Ren, toast is on fire. Look!
- Hey. Hey! - (SCREAMING)
- Hey. - Oh...
Ren, my office.
- Now. - Okay.
I'm really sorry about what just happened out there, Mr. Squirelli.
Oh, Ren Stevens, no, no.
Don't worry about it.
I've seen that kid around here before.
Yeah, he's a real...
bad egg.
Actually, that bad egg is my brother.
Really?
So, you put toast before family.
Very impressive.
Thank you.
Let me run something by you, Ren Stevens.
What do you make of this?
Well, it looks like a Powdered Sugar Pumpernickel
with a rather large bite taken out of it.
Precisely. Somebody's been nibbling!
I found it wedged underneath the register this morning.
I swear it wasn't me.
I know that.
You didn't even give toast to your own brother.
It's definitely someone else on the staff. I don't trust any of them.
Who do you think is the nibbler, Ren Stevens?
- Is it Hector? - I don't know.
- Denise? - Look, Mr. Squirelli...
How about Ruby?
I'm sorry, but I object to being asked to squeal on my friend.
Say no more, Ren Stevens.
Now that I have your attention. I'd like to officially announce
the new Assistant Associate to the Assistant Manager will be Ren Stevens.
But that's Ruby's job.
Which brings me to my next point.
Ruby Mandel, you're fired.
For what?
For nibbling.
Now, please, turn in your tongs.
You're out.
Come on. Come on.
Thanks a lot, Ren.
Ruby, what, do you think...?
Wait... she... No, guys, I...
Ruby, I did not squeal on...
Can someone please tell me what is wrong with the world today?
Well, music sure has changed.
You can't hear a decent love song anymore
without someone screaming about their booty.
No, honey, I think she's talking about work.
- Oh. Did something happen on your new job? - Yes.
The best thing about my new job
was that I was going to be able to hang out with Ruby, you know?
But then she gets fired for nibbling
and then she thinks that I squealed on her.
Which I didn't.
Oh... Well, was she nibbling?
- Yeah. - Well, then it's not your fault.
I mean, if nibbling is against the rules.
Everything is against the rules.
We can't talk, we can't eat, we can't take a break.
We can't even laugh.
(GASPS) Louis is ready to show us what he learned.
- Come on. Let's go see. - You know what?
- I actually have to do something. - Uh-uh-uh. No, no, no, no, Ren.
Come on, honey. Get into the spirit of it.
It'll be fun. Sit down, sit down, sit down.
All right, Stevens family!
Let me hear you scream!
(SCREAMS)
All right!
Hey, didn't you rush the stage at my Barstow concert in '81?
I might have.
Right!
(SCREAMING)
Whoo!
(TAPED APPLAUSE)
Hello, Sacramento! Are you ready to rock?!
(CYMBALS CRASH)
(COUGHING)
Now, get up off your booties!
See? It's all about the booty.
Get up off your booty, dear.
Uno, dos...
Five, six, seven, eight!
(CRASHING)
Whoa!
Yeah!
(SCREAMS)
(COUGHS)
So, um... what was the deal? Was the smoke too much or what?
Actually, the smoke was the best part.
(COUGHING)
Well done, dude.
- Ready for your next lesson? - Oh, heck, yeah, man.
Oh, no, no!
- No more lessons! You're fired. - What?
No, Dad, Dad, Dad, you can't do that. I'm finally learning something.
What? How to destroy a living room?
Don't worry, folks.
It's all part of the program.
I always start my students with a taste of how cool it feels
to play with the smoke and the lights
but then, it's time to get to basics.
Basic Beats: The Techniques of Rhythm.
Is there like a tape or something I can listen to? Dude!
- Or something I can listen to? - Dude!
Every great drummer started with this book.
- But, look... - You want to be a great drummer?!
Yeah.
Then let's get to work.
Hey, did you really rush that stage
- back in Barstow? - No. (LAUGHING)
Here you go. Spin.
All right, look, we need to open up a new loaf of potato-dill bread.
I just did.
Well, that was wheatberry.
Look, I've been working here for four weeks.
I think I know the difference between dill-potato and wheatberry.
You better listen to her. She'll report you to Squirrel-face.
Okay. Look, guys, for the last time
I did not report anybody to Squirr... err... erl...
Squirting, Squirting? The crumb trays.
It would be an excellent idea for overall cleanliness.
Squirting? The crumb tray?
(SCOFFS) I like it.
What a fantastic idea Ren Stevens just had.
From now on, the crumb trays will not be wiped...
they will be squirted.
Hector, you can start.
I'm off! To pick up Mr. Hale, our district manager from his hotel.
He's in town to make sure everything is running tiptop and... toasty.
So please make sure everything is spic-and-span by the time I get back.
- Ren Stevens! - Sir.
You're in charge!
Okay. All right, you guys
- I guess that means that we should mop... - It's Ruby.
Come on, guys. We don't get breaks.
Well, today we do.
CUSTOMER: Would you help us, please?
(CLAMORING)
As you can see, I'm a little short-handed.
Well, that's too bad, because you're going to need as many hands as you can get.
Right over here, folks! I met them at the Information booth.
They're from Germany. From the Mall Across America Tour
and, boy, are they verhungern for some toast.
Why'd you bring them to me?
I don't know. It seemed like it would be something fun to do. Okay.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
(ALL TALKING AT ONCE)
Guys! I need you back here, now!
Sorry! Still on break.
Okay, so that's six cinnamons two French, five pumpkins, okay?
Oh. Oh. And a doodle strudel doodle for Hans.
ALL: Ja!
Hurry up.
- (CLAMORING) - (YELLING IN GERMAN)
I'm going! I'm going!
I'm doing the best I can. I promise.
Maybe you guys should get back.
To help Ren after what she did to you?
It's getting kind of crazy over there.
(CROWD CLAPPING)
What is she doing?
Those three are going to pop at once.
(TOASTERS POP)
(APPLAUSE)
- A spinning triple! - She just made toast history.
Here you go.
Thank you for munching at Your Toast.
Oh, oh, Franz.
Here's some extra napkins.
Danke Schön.
(CHUCKLES)
Auf wiedersehen.
Oh. Thanks for the extra business, Larry.
Come again any time.
(GASPS) Nibbling!
Mr. Squirelli!
Mr. Hale. I told them a hundred times.
Commandment Seven: Never nibble!
Oh, back off, Norman.
Ren just served over 25 German tourists by herself.
What was she doing by herself?
I gave them a break.
Oh, really? Well, I'll give you a break. You're fired.
You fire her, and I quit.
You can't quit. You're already fired.
- Then I quit. - Yeah, me too.
What kind of place you running here, Squirelli?
Mr. Hale, kids these days, they're flakes!
I'll have a new batch by tomorrow.
Well, then it's just going to happen again.
What's that supposed to mean?
It means we're tired and hungry.
We're the only place in the entire food court that doesn't get a break.
Should I call Security, Mr. Hale?
No. Let her finish.
Well...
Would it kill you guys to give us a five-minute break every hour?
Or, a lousy free piece of toast?
Not that toast is lousy or anything, but...
I mean, we do want some dignity
and if you guys treat us with respect, we'll work harder.
Everyone wins.
This girl makes a lot of sense.
That's... exactly what I was going to say.
So. Do we get our breaks?
Sure. Why not?
And, um, a daily toast allowance.
All right, one slice, but no premium spreads.
And Ruby gets her job back.
What? Are you kidding?
She's always talking, she never follows the rules
- is disrespectful... - I like her.
Not to mention the pride of the company.
Ruby Mandel, welcome back.
I'm... I'm really sorry.
It's okay.
(GIGGLES)
Oh. I'm emotionally drained.
- Can we take a break? - No.
Oh, we have to go back to work.
Right. Hit it.
(RHYTHMIC DRUMMING)
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)