(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM RINGING)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
I feel ridiculous.
Ren, you said if I volunteered to help you, you know, I'd meet girls.
And you will.
- Not dressed like a bowling pin. - Oh, Twitty.
A bowling pin that will attract girls
to sign up for my mother-daughter Bowl-O-Rama fundraiser.
Now, pipe down and look a little more... pin-like.
- What's up, ladies? - (GIRLS LAUGHING)
Twitty, what are you supposed to be?
A milk bottle?
- (GIRLS LAUGH) - No. No, I'm a bowling pin.
You look like a wingless penguin.
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
- That's it, I'm out of here. - Hey, girls.
How would you two like to be the first ones to sign up?
Here.
Wait a minute. Mother-daughter?
Would that require being seen with Babs?
Come on, Ruby. Your mom is fun to hang out with.
Not in public.
Ren, do you realize the embarrassment potential here?
When my mom gets around my friends, she gets so peppy.
Do you know how annoying that is?
Come on, don't you guys want to raise money for the school?
That's easy for you to say.
Your mom's not going to show up in fluorescent hip-huggers.
Yeah, your mom's a state senator. She's actually normal.
Yeah, but that took years of training. You guys...
Please.
Well, it is only one night. How humiliating could it be?
Yeah. At least we don't have to dress up like bowling pins. (LAUGHS)
Oh, yeah, don't worry, Twitty, you'll meet lots of girls.
- I can't believe I fell for... oop! - Twitty.
Why are you dressed like sushi?
- I'm a stinking bowling pin. - Oh. Sorry. Need some help?
BOY: Nice outfit.
Do you mind?
Twitty.
Where's Louis?
I don't know. Oh...
This English dude called and said he's "indisposed."
What does that mean?
One deep-fried grain-encrusted frankfurter on a baton, sir.
Yeah, Chives, they call these "corndogs."
Very well, sir.
And your root beer, sir.
I wasn't sure how much ice you wanted, so I filled eight glasses
with varying amounts of crushed cubes.
I'll make a mental note of which glass you prefer
and all subsequent beverages will contain exactly that amount of ice.
That's good.
Lou, have you seen my diary?
(MUMBLING)
I believe Master Louis said he hasn't seen your mislaid diary.
(SCOFFS) Hey, who's the guy in the monkey suit?
Oh, no. No.
No, that's Chives, Chives the butler.
Yeah. Chives, Donnie, Donnie, Chives.
We got a butler?
Oh, cool.
Hey, uh... (CLEARS THROAT) go scrub my sheets.
No, Donnie.
We didn't get anything, okay? I got a butler.
And how are you going to pay for him?
My own money.
That I worked very hard for.
ANNOUNCER: The winner of the KSAK "Stinky Feet Contest"
sponsored by Stink-Away Foot Powder.
America's number one anti-stinkant
and the recipient of 500 dollars is...
Louis "Sulfur Toes" Stevens.
I don't believe this.
Wow. I want to thank my mom, my dad... all my friends at school.
Oh, of course, Miss Beesley my third-grade teacher
who said I couldn't spell but I did have smell, and...
So you get to boss this English dude around for a week?
Chives.
Sir, Master Louis is beginning to find your presence tiresome.
Perhaps you would like to relocate to another room
where something shiny might hold your attention.
Ooh, my gosh, hi.
Hi.
Well, I told you guys we are going to have fun.
Okay, girls, we're ready to play bowling.
Attention, everyone.
(SCREAMING)
(CHEERING)
I'm so proud of you!
(YELLING)
That's okay, Mom. Y... you get another shot.
I'll get it now.
(ALARM BUZZES)
(LAUGHING)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)
Oh, I'm sorry.
(SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
Ren, you were right. My mom and I had a blast.
Yeah, when they finish cutting your mom out
we should all go for ice cream.
You know, maybe you should come with us
just in case I get my arm caught in a yogurt machine.
(LAUGHING)
TEACHER: Wendell Von Lear.
Edward Noodleman.
- Tawny Dean. - Here.
Louis Stevens.
(CHUCKLES)
Louis Stevens?
Master Stevens is present.
- Your frappe, sir. - Yes, thank you.
Louis, I can't believe you brought your butler to school.
Well, frankly,
I don't know how I got through my days without him.
You're doing a good job there, Chives.
Oh, come on, guys. It's not that hard.
Come on, Chives, harder. No pain, no gain, buddy.
Hey, Chives, good luck. I'll see you at 4:30, all right, buddy?
Oh, and don't forget
to apologize for everything I did.
All right, buddy?
Keep your chin up. There you go. Have fun, Chives.
Excuse me, sir.
Master Louis has requested his shorts
be garden-fresh and static-free.
Where might one find the fabric-softener?
One might look in the utility closet.
Most gracious of you. Cheerio.
- Hey, Chives. - Miss Ren.
- Hi, Dad. - Hey, Ren. Uh, Ren?
I haven't had a chance to talk to you.
How was your mother- daughter bowling night?
Well, uh, Mom can't bowl to save her life.
Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.
Oh, uh, why is there an English man doing laundry in our home?
Oh. Chives? Well, he works for Louis.
- Oh. - Yeah.
Huh. So, did you tell Mom how you felt?
I just don't want to hurt her feelings
and, well, it was just for one night, so...
- Whew. - Yeah.
Dad, what are... what are you doing?
I'm going to sneak these socks into Louis's load. I'll talk to you later.
Oh. Oh.
Dad!
- Oh, hi, sweetheart. Hi. - Hey, Mom.
(KISSES)
Wasn't last night a blast?
Oh... Kaboom.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
- Here. - Oh. What's this?
- What's the occasion? - Well, it's for you.
- Really? - Well...
Actually, it's kind of for us.
Oh, um, bowling shirt?
- (CHUCKLES) - Uh, who's Pinky?
You are. You're Pinky.
I thought we should get cute little bowling nicknames.
- Hmm. Yeah. - I got one for me, too.
I am...
Gutter Queen. (LAUGHING)
Uh, why did you get bowling shirts?
This is the really big news, Ren.
I spoke to Tanya and Babs today
and we all agree that we had so much fun
bowling with you girls last night that...
we joined a mother- daughter bowling league.
Isn't that great? Isn't that great, Ren? (GASPS)
We can relive the fun we had last night
every single week.
Uh...
Kaboom.
(LAUGHING)
- (CHAIR WHIRLING) - BEANS: Woo-hoo!
Where's Chives? I got to blow my nose.
Blow your nose? Chives isn't blowing your nose.
He's my butler, not yours, okay?
Did you know that butler has the word "but" in it?
Beans, get out of my house, okay?
My mom said I could stay as long as I want.
Well, Beans, doesn't that tell you something?
Nope.
As requested, Master Louis, your shorts are laundered,
pressed, and lightly sprayed with jasmine.
Thank you, Chives.
My underpants don't smell anything like this.
Chives... Beans, out.
Get out, Beans!
Chives, do this.
Chives, do that. Chives, do this.
Master Louis requests your immediate departure.
Why don't you speak English?
Chives, the annoying neighbor kid gave me a crick in the neck.
Please, help me. It's right there.
(KNOCKING)
Chives, door?
Oh, hello, Chives. Um... May I speak to my brother, Louis?
Good afternoon, Miss Ren.
I'll announce you.
Master Louis, you have a visitor.
- I know, Chives. Get rid of her. - (SIGHS)
- Louis. - Oh, hey, Ren.
Louis...
Mom signed us up for this mother-daughter bowling league
and, well, it's gonna be really embarrassing and...
Well, I just don't have the heart to tell her that I got to get out of it
and, well, you are the king of getting out of things
so... help me?
Chives, two words: heave ho.
Wha...? No!
That's fine. I will show myself out.
- Thanks a lot, Louis. - No problem.
(SCOFFS)
Master Louis, may I speak candidly?
Go ahead. We're buds. Fire away.
In all my years of service
I've never seen such abominable behavior.
Oh, thanks, Chives.
Abominable is bad, sir.
Oh, well, in that case.
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT): that's enough sass out of you, sir.
(LAUGHING)
Master Louis, Miss Ren is your sister.
She came to you for help and you turned her away.
A true gentleman would never do that.
(BOWLING PINS CRASH)
Isn't this fun? Look, everybody's here.
(CHUCKLING)
Mom, um,
now that we're in an official league.
I-I think that maybe we should...
we should be focused
and we should try and hit a few pins
and we should not get our hands stuck in the ball return this time.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, Ren, honey, relax.
Nobody takes it that seriously.
Taylors! Taylors!
(BOTH GRUNT)
Fight, fight, win, win! Mendels!
Come on, honey. Come on.
Um, Mom, I'm going to be back in a minute.
LOUIS: Come on, come on. Oh! Oh... (CLEARS THROAT)
- Hey, there, Ren. - REN: What are you doing here?
Relax, "Pinky".
Uh, can't a man and his butler bowl?
You don't even like bowling. You're here to make fun of me.
You may not believe this, but I'm here to help you.
Louis, I'm embarrassed enough.
I do not need you doing something stupid.
(EILEEN LAUGHING)
Ren, good to go!
(CHEERING)
(YELLING)
Yeah! Ha-ha! Woo!
(EILEEN CHEERING)
Chives, come on. Be quiet.
Sir, according to the sign, we're simply not allowed...
Not allowed. Chives, no reading!
This is not a library. Get low. Go, go.
Hey, um... Ma, now I want you to concentrate.
I want to get one.
One.
Maybe I'm throwing the ball too hard.
Why don't I take it down a notch?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try that. - Okay.
- Good thinking, Mom. - Yeah.
Okay, baby. We'll take it down a notch.
Hey, Ma, I think this is it.
I hit a pin.
I hit a pin!
Ma, it didn't fall down.
Baby steps. Baby steps.
Oh, here she is. Chives, right here.
- Excuse me, sir. - Yeah?
Exactly how will replacing your mother's ball
with this identical magnetic ball
make her a better bowler?
By making it attracted to this metal bowling pin.
Chives, you shouldn't have brought it that close.
Okay, pull!
Where is my ball?
No, Mom, hey, hey. Ma, no, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey.
You remember what we were talking about, right?
- But the ball... - The firemen.
- Wish me luck, Chives. - Best wishes, sir.
All right.
- Here it comes. Here it comes. - Good, good, good.
Ha! Ha-ha!
I find these holes in it. Here we are! Okay.
Ready?
- Ma? - Huh?
How'd you do that?
I don't know.
Maybe I'm getting the hang of this thing.
Come on, Ma.
Ma, yeah!
This is ridiculous.
Again?
My finger's getting tired.
That's right. All right!
All right, everyone.
The winner of our first week
of mother-daughter league is... Eileen and Ren.
Oh...
(LAUGHS)
Okay, let's celebrate with some of my homemade noodle loaf.
- Ooh! - Rubes, break out the forks.
You must be my lucky ball.
(GASPING)
MONIQUE: If I didn't know any better,
I'd say something is a little funky about that ball.
Let me see that ball.
Oh! I think I just made a friend here.
I swear I have no idea what's going on.
I think I have a clue.
- What are you doing back here? - Uh... uh... we were... we were...
Run Chives! Run for your life! Come on, Chives!
Oh! Oh! Run, I'll save you!
(SCREAMING)
Help! Carry me, Chives! Carry me!
Come back here!
Don't worry.
When we get home I'm going to punish Louis and Chives.
Mom, it wasn't entirely Louis's fault.
He was actually just trying to help me.
Help you?
Can you sit down a minute, please?
Okay, um...
I really... I really don't know how to say this
'cause it's kind of weird but, um...
I really, really look up to you, and... and I respect you.
You're usually, like, great at everything,
but now you're not.
It's just really kind of...
A little embarrassing?
A lot.
Ren, if you feel this way why didn't you say something to me?
Well, I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
But Mom... Mom, it was like you didn't even care.
Didn't you want to win?
Honey, I am in politics. All I think about is winning.
- Yeah, well, why did you just stop? - I thought this was just for fun.
I was having a good time just being with you.
I didn't think it mattered.
Well, it did.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Hey, the champs. Hey, listen, we're gonna head out
as soon as Rubes finds her retainer.
Oh! (CHUCKLES) Got it.
So, we'll see you guys next week?
Um, you know,
oh, my campaign is, is so busy now
I'm not going to be able to make next week.
BABS: Aw...
Mom, I... I think we should come back next week.
- BABS: Yeah. - Really?
Yeah.
You can make time.
Besides, you know...
you need all the practice you can get.
(LAUGHING) All right. So we'll see you next week.
- Bye, honey. - Okay. (LAUGHS)
Come on. Let's go rent some bowling tapes.
They make bowling tapes?
Yeah, they'll help you improve your game.
LOUIS: Let's go! Let's go! Chives! Come on, they're gaining on us!
Where'd he go? You see where he went?
- Excuse me, sir. - What? Yeah? Yeah?
"Banned from bowling"?
What is that? That's not even my good side.
Dreadful.
(BOTH SCREAM)
Chives, I miss you, buddy.
(KNOCKING)
Chives, you've come back, buddy!
I missed you. Just hold me Chives.
Okay, my room's a mess.
The check you used to pay for my services was, as you say...
bogus.
Chives, I'm really sorry.
And, dude, I feel awful. I really do.
I wish there was some way I could make it up to you.
(IN ENGLISH ACCENT): Gentlemen, a light snack.
Louis, what are you waiting for?
That lovely, crisp bacon isn't going to crawl
into our mouths.
Right, very sorry, sir.
My deepest apologies.
Here you go.
It's so hard to find good help these days.
Indeed, sir.
Yes, very, uh... (CLEARS THROAT) hard, sir.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)