(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM RINGING)
(SLURPS)
(LIGHTSABERS HUMMING)
(EXPLOSION)
(LOUD SNEEZE)
(SNEEZES)
(COUGHS)
(MOANS)
Oh, honey, how are you feeling?
Oh-oh, I-I... I am perfectly miserable.
You poor thing! Let me feel your head.
Ren, you are still burning up.
I know, I know, but I have to get going.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You are staying right where you are.
Mom, I have to go to school.
No, you need to rest.
Mom, I can't miss school. I haven't missed single day.
Do you see that empty frame over there?
Well, that is for my award for my perfect attendance record.
If I don't go, I'm not going to get the award
and I'm not going to be having a picture frame
with a little gold thing on the side...
Ren, Ren, honey, you're babbling. Okay, you're sick.
You are staying home
and you are staying in bed.
What am I supposed to do all day?
Well, you're going to rest and you're going to feel better.
I have a great idea.
Why don't you watch one of these great old musicals?
You love these.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
Aw, look.
(LOUD SNEEZING)
Don't worry, I'm on it!
(LOUD SNEEZING)
That was some sneeze, son. Are you all right?
No, not really. I got a lot of, um... a lot of phlegm.
You know... a lot of mucus.
So, I'm calling it, um... uh, phlucus.
- Phlucus, huh? - It's bad.
- Wow. Sorry to hear that. - Yeah.
Dang it, I didn't really want to miss Coach Tugnut's obstacle course test.
It was really important to me. It's something I could excel...
(LOUD SNEEZE)
Sorry, Dad. Sorry about that. Sorry.
There you go.
So, uh, am I burning up or what?
I don't know.
I'm just resting my hand while I look for something.
- Here, let me tuck you in. - You know what? I'm tucked in fine, Dad.
I'm tucked in fine.
Aha!
- No. - Give me that! Come on!
(THROUGH LOUDSPEAKER): You're faking it!
Now get dressed for school.
Move! Move!
Hurry up! Come on!
Not that belt!
All right, let's go!
See you later, Dad.
- Okay, son. - Yeah.
I'm ridin' the range in 1869.
I'm sittin' on my best pal Named Curly
I sing to my horse.
There something Wrong with that...
(SNEEZES, COUGHS)
I've got to get that award.
(MUSIC ENDS)
Ren, you're late.
(COUGHS)
I know. I'm sorry, sir.
I felt a little sick this morning but I think I'm okay now.
Well, grab yourself a tardy slip and take a seat.
- I gotta do the morning announcements. - Thank you.
(MUSIC STARTS)
(SINGING) Lawrence Junior High Won't you lend me an ear?
I hope this PA system Is loud and clear.
Now, listen up, people I got something to say.
These are the morning a nnouncements For today.
Be sure to check the lost and found Between classes.
There's a comb in there.
And a pair Of really thick glasses.
Looks like somebody, hmm Lost their pants.
There's a full salami sandwich And some complementary ants.
Oh!
I hope you seventh graders Got a lot of rest.
Because today's Your physical endurance test.
Tugnut's wearing a crazy grin.
Sixth period in the gym.
- Let the pain begin. - Let the pain begin.
That's all for this morning Oh, did I mention.
There's only one name On the list for detention?
He's never been accused Of overachieving.
He's that goofy little troublemaker Louis Stevens.
- Who? - Louis Stevens.
- Oh! - Now I'm leaving Out.
Well, Ren, what do you think?
That was interesting.
WEXLER: Well, thank you.
(LOUIS LAUGHING) Oh, sorry, Ren.
So, Mom and Dad made you come to school, too, huh?
(COUGHS) No. I begged them to let me go, and I still had to sneak out.
Oh, really? I like that, Ren.
Twitty, take a note.
Every time I'm dealing with my parents, do everything backwards.
It's called reverse psychology, actually. It's very effective.
I don't want to psych anybody out. I really like school.
I like school, too. Except for the classrooms, teachers and tests.
Like Coach Tugnut's physical endurance exam?
Yeah, exactly. Like that. I'll never take that test.
How are you gonna get out of it?
(CLEARS THROAT)
Uh, well, right now I'm not at liberty to say.
What does that mean?
Uh, that just means he hasn't figured it out yet.
Louis, you better think fast 'cause the test is sixth period.
Oh, Connie, please, don't worry about it, okay? I always find a way.
- (COUGHS) - (JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING)
LOUIS: (SINGING) I'm not strong.
I'm not fast.
When it comes to endurance I just can't last.
So I'll get out of gym Like I have in the past.
Like the time you wore The huge full-body cast.
I always find a way.
- He always finds a way. - He always finds a way.
No one can produce An excellent excuse like you.
What can I say?
He always finds a way.
-A pathetic wheeze -(WHEEZES)
-A powerful sneeze -(SNEEZES)
The time you filled your ears up With cottage cheese.
And said it was because Of my sweat allergies.
That one got me Out of gym with ease.
I always find a way.
- He always finds a way. - He always finds a way.
He can easily create Ways to abbreviate.
- His gym period stay. - His gym period stay
- I always find a way. - He always finds a way.
He always finds a way.
But not today
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
Oh, we should...
- Yeah, probably. - Yeah, probably.
I'm having the weirdest day, you guys.
I can't even wait till it's over
and I'm home in bed.
Yeah, well, I'll just be happy when our science presentations are over.
Yeah. I know you're going to win that science medal.
I hope so. I've been dreaming about it
since the day I was born.
Well, you'll find out sixth period.
Why? What's happening sixth period?
That's when our presentations are due.
You're doing yours on the space program, right?
I am?
Ren, that assignment counts for half our grade.
You sure it's today?
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
She's kidding.
(LAUGHING) That's good.
(LAUGHING)
Hey, guys.
Ren, I think you should know
my science presentation is so awesome.
Whoo! I can start polishing that science medal now.
I doubt it, Larry.
Ren's going to kick your butt as usual.
No, guys, I'm sorry, but...
I don't know if it's the fever but I really, really don't remember
anything about this presentation.
Yeah, right, Ren, okay.
You've been working on this thing for months.
Well forget about it, okay?
'Cause I'm not letting my guard down.
RUBY: Ren, you're serious?
You haven't done any research on the space program?
No. I have to get to the library.
(POP ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(SINGING) What's the matter with Ren?
She's usually so responsible.
Tell me, could it be possible She's losing her touch?
- What's the matter with Ren? - What's the matter with Ren?
She's usually so reliable.
-But her flakiness is undeniable -Sorry.
Oh, this is too much.
- What's the matter with Ren? - What's the matter with Ren?
The space assignment's Something that she knew about.
And it really isn't like her to forget.
But instead of knowing about space She is spacing out.
Ironically, Ren's now a space cadet.
Everybody's asking me again and again.
So I'll tell you what's the matter What's the matter with Ren.
She's cracking under pressure 'Cause when it comes to science.
Larry Beale is one of those Academic giants.
Finally, I'm gonna get My chance to shine
'Cause that science medal Is gonna be mine.
She used to keep me down But this is now, that was then.
And that's what's the matter What's the matter.
With Ren.
- What's the matter with Ren? - My book bag.
- LARRY: What? - She used to be so dependable
- I just told you. - She doesn't seem like our friend at all.
What's happened to her?
What's the matter with Ren?
- She can't take the heat. - What's the matter with me?
- LARRY: She's smelling defeat. - What's the matter with me?
My victory will be sweet.
What's the matter with me?
What's the matter with Ren?
(SIGHS)
Okay, find info on the space program.
Find excuses on how to get out of gym.
Come on, come on, I don't have all day.
Come on, come on, you adorable computer, please.
Work your magic. There we go.
- (COMPUTER BEEPING) - Did it. Did it.
- (BEEPS) - I did that twice.
- (BEEPS) - "Man first landed on the moon in 1969."
Okay, I already knew that. What else you got?
COMPUTER: Good-bye.
No! No, no, no, no, not good-bye.
Don't say good-bye. Please don't say good-bye to me.
Oh come on, I wouldn't even do that. That's physically impossible.
- (YELLS) - (YELLS)
- (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) - STUDENTS: (SINGING) Sixth period.
Sixth period.
Sixth period is drawing near.
To ruin my junior high career.
That test run by Tugnut.
It's gonna kick my butt.
Oh, how you fill my heart w ith dread Sixth period.
STUDENTS: Sixth period.
Sixth period.
Sixth period
- I'll tell my college plans farewell. - Gee, we remember when.
- When I hear that sixth-period bell. - We could rely on Ren
- I think I ate bad shrimp. - Stevens, don't be a wimp.
Try and be a man instead Sixth period.
Sixth period Sixth period.
Sixth period.
- Ren's presentation time has come. - Oh, I can't wait to see.
- Oh, no, I'm gonna look so dumb. - What Ren's prepared for me.
We hope we leave the gym With all of our limbs.
And of course With all our heads.
Steve, Ren's not in her bed.
- We better find her. - Yeah, let's hustle
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, I think I pulled a muscle
(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES)
-Wow, these halls get so crowded -ALL: Sixth period.
Sixth period Sixth period Sixth period.
Boys, it's been pointed out that my little obstacle course here
is dangerous, cruel and sadistic.
Also, that I personally...
am dangerous, cruel and sadistic.
So, I have decided...
to cancel sixth period.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Just kidding.
I'm also funny.
I should add that.
(LAUGHING LOUDLY)
- Uh, Coach. Coach. - What?
Um, I don't think Louis is gonna be able to run the course today.
I'm afraid he's suffering from green nose.
Green nose?
Yeah, the dreaded green nose disease.
You know, first your nose turns green and then...
Mommy, can I have my buttercup?
You start shouting off these stupid phrases, and you can't control it.
Well, that looks pretty bad.
- Yeah. - I'd better twist it off.
No! You shouldn't do that, sir!
Because, uh, because, uh... it's...
it's, uh... Whoa, look at that!
It's only paint.
Some of the guys probably did it 'cause I'm so popular in school, you know.
All right, enough nonsense. Let's start the test.
Okay, boys, all you need to do to pass gym
is complete the tire run...
jump a little rope, jog on the treadmill
and climb this rope.
That's it?
That doesn't seem bad. That's nothing.
Oh, and, uh...
survive 15 seconds in the Cage of Doom.
(LAUGHS)
- (SOBS) - (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome, lads Now I must enforce.
Your participation In the obstacle course.
Designed by me With no remorse
I'm the master of the gym
- (TWITTY GROANING) - Master, I'm the master
- (GROANING) - I'm the master of the gym.
Faster For the master's.
-Patience has run thin -Whoa!
This is a test That you won't forget.
You'll be soaking wet With sweat.
Hurry up or you will regret Ending up like him
- (SCREAMING) - Master, I'm the master
I'm the master of the gym.
Move faster for the master.
Or your future will be grim.
How much more of this are we gonna take?
I mean, there's 20 of us and one of him.
(SINGING) You have lost your authority.
This here is a mutiny.
From now on It is plain to see.
We're the masters of the gym.
Masters We're the masters
- (SCREAMING) - We're the masters of the gym
- (WHIMPERING) - Move faster for the masters.
Or your future's looking grim Masters.
-We're the masters -(TREADMILL BEEPING)
-Now we're getting back at him -(YELPING)
Masters We're the masters
- (SOBBING) No! - We're the masters of the gym
Stevens! Oh!
(LIQUIDS BUBBLING)
As you will see, by rearranging a few of these measly molecules
I can actually turn this revolting slab of liver
into...
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(LAUGHS)
Into a delicious slab of chocolate.
One for you.
Mmm... delicious!
- Yummy! Well done, Larry. - I know.
You know, there's only one thing standing between you
and this beautiful, shiny science medal,
and that's Ren, who's been longing for this
ever since she was about... hmm, born.
Ren, you're up.
Good luck.
I'm toast.
Come on, you can't let Larry Beale beat you.
- Guys, I have nothing. - You're smart. Make something up.
All I know about the space program
is that the guy went to the moon in 1969.
Good enough.
- Go! - Go!
Go. (CHUCKLES)
(GIGGLES NERVOUSLY)
Well...
(SINGING) We went to the moon in 1969.
Um...
Not 1968, but a year later.
We went to the moon in 1969.
That's when the astronauts First walked inside a crater.
-We went to the moon in 1969 -(ALL VOCALIZING)
Not 1970, but a year sooner.
We went to the moon in 1969.
That's when they made a landing That was lunar.
STUDENTS: We didn't go up to the sun or stars.
We didn't go to Mercury or Mars.
But we went to the moon In 1969.
Not 1968, but the year after.
And once they got there The astronauts felt fine.
They smiled at each other And there was laughter.
We went to the moon in 1969.
Not 1970, a year before Uh-huh.
The rocket that flew Had a really neat design.
When it took off, The engines made a roar
(ROCKET ROARS)
We went to the moon in 1969.
The trip wasn't all that easy.
And when we got there, We were surprised to find.
That it was solid And it wasn't cheesy.
ALL: We went up to the M-double-O-N.
We went up to the moon Sing it again.
We went to the moon in 1969.
Not 1970, but a year sooner.
We went to the moon in 1969.
That's when they made a landing.
That... was... Lunar
(MUSIC ENDS)
Ren, that was brilliant, inspiring, and quite a toe-tapper.
Thank you, Ms. Lovelson.
No, wait a minute.
Okay, she didn't say anything except...
(SINGING) "We went to the moon."
I know, Larry. That's why Ren is receiving a failing grade.
I'm failing? I got an F?
(LAUGHS)
Well, what do you know, Ren?
(MUSIC RESUMES)
Ren got an F That's got to be a first
I can't believe that She messed up so badly.
Ren got an F This is my lucky day
I'm sorry that it Had to end so sadly.
ALL: Ren got an F.
-Ren got an F -Ha, ha!
Ren got an F.
-Ren got an F -Stop singing!
Stop singing! No, just stop singing.
Stop singing. Stop singing!
(SNEEZES)
(SNIFFLES)
Hey, Ren. Feeling better?
Yeah, much.
Yeah, Ren, sorry you won't be getting that attendance award.
As a matter of fact, we all wanted to tell you how we feel.
- (MUSIC RESUMES) - (SINGING) There'll be no award.
You missed a day of school.
You never should have gotten influenza.
It's just an award It doesn't mean a thing
I think that we should sing Another stanza.
It's just an award.
-It's just an award -(SCREAMS)
EILEEN: Ren, Ren!
Ren, honey, honey. Are you okay?
Yeah.
I'm really awake, right?
Of course you are. You just had a bad dream.
Hey, you know what? Your fever's broken.
I do feel better.
Hey, I can go to school now.
No, no, no. Sweetheart, no.
It's 4:00 in the afternoon. You slept all day.
School's over.
There goes my award.
EILEEN: I'm sorry.
(SIGHS)
You know what? It's okay. At least the pressure's off.
Well, good. I'm glad you feel that way.
Now, I made you some soup, and Louis is going to bring it up.
Oh, that's great.
(SINGING) I've got hot soup.
Delicious chicken soup (SCREAMS)
What?
First, your nose turns green and then...
Mommy, can I have my buttercup?
Mommy, I'm now allergic to dairy.
Mommy, can I have my corn niblet cake?
You start shouting off these stupid phrases, and you can't control it.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)