(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM RINGING)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZING)
(EXPLOSION)
ALL: We are the Wombats!
At the top we can't be stopped.
- We'll strive... - Yeah!
To reach our goal.
The Wombats are in control!
MONIQUE: Okay, girls, that was better.
Nice job, spotters.
And not to single anyone out
but, Ren, when you do your splits,
you've got to be excited.
(ALL CHEERING)
Okay, I'll try.
(BREAKING WIND)
(LAUGHING)
That was not me.
- That was not me. - (CHEERING)
Dude, I can't believe Ren's a cheerleader.
She needs it for her resume or something to show she has school spirit.
Miss Morgan, our new advisor, will be here any minute.
And it is important that we show her cheerleaders just don't say things,
they scream things. Right, girls?
(CHEERING)
All right, yelling... I got it.
Everyone, it's Miss Morgan. Come on.
MONIQUE: Hit it!
ALL: Miss Morgan! Miss Morgan!
Who's that?
I don't know, some lady.
Miss Morgan! We welcome Miss Morgan!
Girls, that was wonderful.
Oh, thank you.
You're so sweet.
Oh... I love the smell of pompoms.
Thank you.
Um, you know, this is my first day, too
and, well, if you're half as nervous as I am,
believe me.
Miss Morgan, can I borrow Miss Chatty Pants here?
(SPARKLING MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow.
You are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life.
And if it's okay with you I'd like to do an interpretive dance.
(BONGO MUSIC PLAYING)
(BREATHLESSLY): That... that was great...
but I have to go.
Okay, girls, now show me what you got.
One, two!
Our team, yeah
is out of sight!
At the top we will unite!
Come on, crowd, help us out.
- Yell, green! - Green!
- Yell gold! - Gold!
- What am I doing? - Green and gold!
- All right! - (REN SCREAMS)
Oh, my gosh, Kenny! Oh, are you okay, Kenny?
Get up, Kenny.
(GROANS)
That... that's it!
That's it. That's the third time this week.
I quit! I quit! I quit!
Oh... Wait...
Thank you so much for volunteering to be the mascot.
You know, we were looking for someone with school spirit
- and here you are. - Well, go Wombats!
Now, you can do cartwheels
round-offs, back flips?
Yeah, yeah. You know what?
I'm very bendy. In fact, there was this one time
where I scrunched myself into this little ball
and got in my dad's filing cabinet.
Oh, Louis, you're perfect.
So are you.
I am so glad that we found each other.
Now, when you put on that Wombat suit
I want you to really go for it.
You know, my sense is, Louis,
that you're a very passionate person.
- I am? - Mm-hmm.
And I don't want you to be afraid to unleash that side of you.
You go a little crazy. Take chances.
And, Louis, if you ever have any questions
or if you need anything
my door is always open.
(HEART POUNDING)
What is that noise?
Uh... oh... uh...
it's probably something outside.
I'll go take care of it.
Louis, you stole the Wombat suit again?
You should have told me I would have done it with you.
Okay, mascots are so annoying.
You know what? Actually, um, I'm the mascot.
- Get out of here. - (SCREAMS)
Yes, I'm the mascot. It's true.
Is this some kind of joke?
Is this punishment or something?
You know what? It's a long story.
Uh, it's just something I have to do, okay?
Well, are we still going to Del's after school to get pizza?
Um, I have mascot practice.
Well, then tomorrow, it's big-pie Friday.
All right, I'll see you there. Later.
Ren, can we talk to you?
Sure. What's up?
Well, we're really glad that you're a cheerleader.
ALL: Yeah.
Your uniform is always clean
and your sneaks are always double-knotted.
But your attitude... well...
Oh... what's wrong with my attitude?
Ren, you're a cheerleader now.
You've got to dig deep down inside and find your perky place.
M... my perky place?
Ready? Okay.
ALL: P-e-r-k-y.
Be... perky!
Ren... you have to live perky.
Breathe perky.
Be perky.
You can do that, right, Ren?
Yes, yes, yes.
- (CHEERS) - I can be perky!
Look, I'm going to be perky!
Perky!
Be Perky.
- (CRASH) - Ow.
Okay, ran all the way here. What's the emergency?
Go ahead, sit down.
- What are you doing? - I don't want anybody to hear
what I'm about to tell you, okay?
Twitty...
I'm in love with Miss Morgan.
You mean, like, you think she's cool?
No, dude, no, no, no.
Did you hear what I said? I'm in love with her.
I'm in love, Twitty. I'm in love.
See, every time I see her my hearts starts racing, right?
And my palms get sweaty
and my stomach does these flip-flop things.
I wish you could be where I am. It feels very good.
Maybe you just ate some bad bean dip?
No, I didn't have bad... listen...
According to Romance for Boneheads
I have the classic symptoms of a man in love.
Dude, this is all kind of freaky.
Just read Chapter 12. Read that.
You know what else I do? I jump on my bed, every five minutes.
When I'm in love, you just do it.
It's in... look, you just go...
You see, like that.
Twitty, this girl's perfect.
She's beautiful. She's right for me, and...
I think we'd make a fun couple, you know?
(HAPPY ROMANTIC TUNE)
Hey...
Sorry we're late, we couldn't find parking.
We're still a little jet-lagged from our trip to the Bahamas.
How was that? I bet it was beautiful.
It was absolutely beautiful.
We went snorkeling, that was beautiful.
Oh, and we ate local hot dogs. It was jammin', mon!
(LAUGHING)
Oh, you two are a fun couple.
(CALYPSO PLAYING)
Isn't she great?
Dude, your bacon's dangling.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, well, it's been doing that a lot lately.
So, what's your next move?
Make her fall in love with me.
How? Step one.
Show her I'm dedicated to my new job.
(CHUCKLES)
- What? - Mascot Boot Camp?
Yeah.
Mmm, you're actually signed up for this?
Twitty... she makes me want to be a better mascot.
Well, what about Tawny, dude?
You guys have been hanging together a long time.
Don't worry about Tawny. No, no, no.
I thoroughly explained everything to her. She totally understands.
I can't hang out with you anymore!
Twitty, let's face it...
Tawny's great, right?
But she's a little girl.
Now, see, Miss Morgan...
Miss Morgan, well, she is a woman.
And I... am a man.
Very good, Ren.
Now you tell the rest of the class how you arrived at your answer.
Okay. Ready?
XY4, I'll tell you more.
Quadrant times variable, a shim-sham shooey.
Go seven, go seven, I like to eat chop suey.
I'm Ren, I'm right, I'm feeling kind of perky.
Kickin' and clappin', I'll do the herky jerky.
Yeah, algebra!
(ALL CHEERING)
Yay! Yay, algebra! Woo-hoo!
(COUGHS)
Moving on.
Twitty, can I ask you a question?
What's up with Louis?
What do you mean?
I don't know. He's been acting really weird lately
and he keeps blowing me off.
Well, Louis, he's just going through a difficult phase right now
and he's taking a little time to get his head together.
You mean he actually took my advice and got some therapy?
Kinda. Uh...
He's going to mascot boot camp.
I give up.
For the next eight hours you will be going through
the hardest, the most difficult, but the most meaningful training
in your furry little lives!
The basic booty shake.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Come on, baby, Shake your booty.
You are bacon, mascots! Let's see you sizzle!
Cow, you're pathetic.
Okay, I've got a big spatula. I'm going to flip you to the other side.
Sizzle! That's good!
Hoping you'll be mine tonight.
Come on, baby, Say I'm the one right now.
Come on, baby, now, You want to shake it now.
If you're feeling down and out.
I'll show you what it's all about.
Come on, baby, Let's shake it right now.
Come on, baby, Shake your booty
(MUSIC FADES)
Oh, sorry, sir.
Sit down. Sit down, son.
I want to talk to you.
You know, I've seen 'em come and I've seen 'em go.
You're really something special.
Well, thank you, sir.
Stay here.
(TRIUMPHANT TUNE)
What is that?
It's a jet pack.
- March 24th, 1979. - (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
Flew this baby around a stadium in front of 75,000 screaming people.
I want you to have it.
Wait, wait. I don't understand. You're giving me your jet pack?
You earned it.
I worked you hard today but you took everything I threw at you.
You're gonna be a great mascot.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah, yeah.
Be gentle with it.
Excuse me.
(GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING)
Louis, what are you doing here so early?
I have this great news,
so I wanted to catch you before class started.
Oh, I love your enthusiasm.
You are so sweet.
You're so sweet... and, and, and perfect
and I mean that.
But that's not what I came here for.
What I came here was to tell you that wacky Walter gave me his jet pack.
Jet pack?
And today at gym I'm going to fly around.
I'm doing a pep rally. It's going to be cool.
Now, I just want you to be careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.
Louis, you're not blinking.
No, I'm not staring at your one eyebrow.
I haven't had a chance to shave it yet.
- Oh, you shave it, do you? - Oh, I have to.
It grows like crabgrass.
(BOTH LAUGH)
It runs in my family. The Morgan unibrow.
(CLIPPER WHIRRING)
Whoo! I have to remember to clean this thing out more often.
(CHUCKLES)
You know what?
I have to, uh, go back to my class
because I'm in a hairy, a hurry... a furry.
(SCREAMS)
I got breakfast spirit, yes, I do.
I got breakfast spirit. How about you?
I got breakfast spirit.
- Honey, come here for a second. - What? What? What?
Sit down.
Sit down! Sit down!
Honey, your mother and I have been talking
and frankly, we're worried about you.
We've noticed that lately you've been...
excessively upbeat.
Thanks.
I found my perky place.
Honey, we think maybe you're on overperk.
Well, what do you mean?
Ren, this morning, honey, every time the phone rang you cheered.
You cheered when the mail came.
You even cheered for your laundry.
You're exaggerating, Daddy.
Am I?
Bleach, detergent, this laundry's going to rock.
Fabric softener, dryer sheet, hey, where's my other sock?
Oh, yeah, let's go! Let's go, team!
Why didn't you guys tell me before?
(WHOOPING ON VIDEO)
We thought you'd cheer us.
I have to resign as mascot.
Really? Why?
Because I'm sweating in my suit and my doctor says
I'm developing a chafing disorder. Bye.
Whoa, wait a minute, Louis.
I have a hunch that there's something else going on here.
Listen, the truth is...
is that I never wanted to be the mascot, okay?
The only reason I even came In your office
was because I wanted to hang out with you.
Hang out with me?
Well, actually, more than that.
Yesterday, I went window shopping.
I went to go buy you fancy shoes. It's something I would never do.
(LAUGHS)
And I know this may sound crazy, but...
I thought you were perfect.
And then, this morning in your office
you, you...
you cut off. Bzzz!
You know, no one's perfect, Louis.
Yeah, I realize that.
Hey, don't worry, kiddo. I'm sure you're going to find somebody
who's just right for you.
I found her, but I think I messed that up, too.
Hey, Tawny! Tawny!
I want to let you know that whole Wombat thing I did...
that's over and...
I don't know, maybe we can go get something to eat.
Look Louis, I don't care if you are a Wombat
or a turkey... or a jackass.
You stood me up and you blew me off.
Now leave me alone.
Remember, girls, this is a pep rally.
So let's get out there and pep our socks off!
(ALL CHEER)
And what if I don't feel peppy?
Ren, it's not about how you feel.
It's about what those people out there expect of us.
They need us.
For what?
It's meaningless.
It's pep for pep's sake.
Put the brakes on there, Ren.
Are you saying our life is just pointless perkiness?
Girls, look at it this way.
Do you think by our kicking and our clapping
that we're going to do anything meaningful?
Are we going to end world hunger
or bring peace among the nations?
We're all living a lie.
- (CHEERING) - (MUSIC PLAYING)
(LISTLESSLY): One, two...
We are the Wombats.
At the top, we can't be stopped.
We'll strive, yeah, to reach our goal.
The Wombats are in control.
Yeah! Go, team! Right?
We're number one.
Whoo! Okay, all right.
Uh... Okay.
Well, that was an interesting cheer.
So, um, let's try something new, okay?
Uh...
Dude, your ex-girlfriend throws one lousy pep rally.
I know.
We'll do the wave. Okay, ready, everybody?
Ready? Whoo!
Whoo.
Okay, let's try it over here on this side.
Whoo!
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING)
Hey, everybody, look. It's the Wombat.
Whoo!
(ENGINE SPUTTERS)
Uh-oh.
Where's the brakes on this thing?
(AUDIENCE GASPS)
Louis, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. Get this thing. Get it off.
Ow.
Are you okay?
I think I need a spinal replacement.
- Do you want me to get Nurse Phil? - No, no. Tawny, don't leave.
I have to tell you something.
- What? - (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
You have the two most beautiful eyebrows I've ever seen.
Ren, the girls and I were talking
and we really like you as a person and all, but...
Yeah?
We don't think you're cut out
to be a cheerleader. You think too much.
Yeah, I guess I do.
But one thing I have been thinking about
is what a great job you guys do keeping everyone's spirits up.
(ALL EXCLAIM)
Um, I'm really going to miss you guys.
Oh, my...
She's going bye-bye
farewell, adios, hey-hey.
She's going bye-bye, farewell, adios, hey-hey.