1
00:00:00,083 --> 00:00:01,543
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:04,087
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

3
00:00:13,722 --> 00:00:14,723
(SLURPING)

4
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,496
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

5
00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:39,790
(EXPLOSION)

6
00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:48,757
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

7
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,437
You're late, Stevens.

8
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:03,729
Or...

9
00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:06,233
is it possible that everybody
else on earth is early?

10
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:08,068
It's an interesting
theory. I never...

11
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,486
Wait a minute.

12
00:01:09,653 --> 00:01:12,364
You know what? Usually, I would
bust you for that sassy mouth.

13
00:01:12,948 --> 00:01:16,034
But it's dodgeball season.
And all is right with the world.

14
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,788
Oh, Stevens, you might wanna
put some ice on those bruises.

15
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,583
Sir, I, uh, I don't
have any bruises.

16
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,836
Not yet. (CHUCKLES)

17
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:28,297
(LAUGHS MANIACALLY)

18
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:33,719
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's
limber up those mathematic muscles.

19
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:37,431
Let's begin with
problems one through six.

20
00:01:53,488 --> 00:01:54,648
Excuse me, you're in my seat.

21
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:56,617
(GROWLS)

22
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:07,044
<i>Ay, ay, ay. Muy gigante.</i>

23
00:02:07,878 --> 00:02:09,546
Is there a problem back there?

24
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:11,340
No, he was just
sitting in my seat.

25
00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:13,342
I'm sorry, Louis.

26
00:02:13,425 --> 00:02:16,511
I gave your seat to Lenny,
the new transfer student.

27
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:18,722
Is that a problem?

28
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:22,643
Wh... No, no, no, no. You
can sit wherever you want, sir.

29
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,353
I'll just, uh...

30
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:27,147
I'll take this
empty chair, okay?

31
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,777
Actually, I prefer
the window seat.

32
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:39,534
("FLIGHT OF THE
VALKYRIES" PLAYS)

33
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:44,289
Mr. Kranepool, could you
please put your classmate down?

34
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,457
Gently.

35
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,668
"Gently" being the key word.

36
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,712
Here's fine.

37
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,553
- You okay?
- Yeah. Who is this guy?

38
00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:00,055
They call him
"Lenny The Lifter."

39
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,432
- LOUIS: Why do they call him that?
- TWITTY: Hmm.

40
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:03,794
(WHISPERING)
He'll pick you up...

41
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,352
- Right. Of course, right.
- Yeah.

42
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,728
Word on the street

43
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:08,939
is that he got kicked
out of his old school.

44
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,609
- Why?
- Probably went on a lifting spree.

45
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:16,196
(GROWLS)

46
00:03:19,741 --> 00:03:21,284
(GROWLS)

47
00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:24,621
Here you go.

48
00:03:36,258 --> 00:03:37,551
(BELCHES)

49
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,594
Ahh. Okay, good to go.

50
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:42,222
Okay.

51
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:44,474
Ooh. Thank you.

52
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,728
(CLEARS THROAT)

53
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:50,981
(NEWS PROGRAM THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

54
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:52,524
<i>Hi, I'm Ren Stevens,</i>

55
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,776
<i>and welcome to Lawrence
Junior High School's</i>

56
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:57,320
<i>very own TV news, </i>
The Wombat Report.

57
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,406
<i>Today, a special feature.</i>

58
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:03,452
<i>Dodgeball: a good time
activity or a barbaric celebration</i>

59
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:04,703
<i>of pain and violence</i>

60
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:07,122
<i>that sadistically pits
the mean and vicious</i>

61
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,874
<i>against the weak and skinny?</i>

62
00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:12,085
<i>Here's Nelson Minkler
with the medical perspective.</i>

63
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,046
<i>Nelson?</i>

64
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:17,132
<i>Thank you, Ren.</i>

65
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:20,927
<i>Skydiving, shark
taunting, dodgeball.</i>

66
00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,846
<i>The three most
dangerous activities</i>

67
00:04:23,013 --> 00:04:25,390
<i>as ranked by the American
Medical Board and myself.</i>

68
00:04:26,224 --> 00:04:28,643
<i>Though I've managed to
creatively avoid dodgeball,</i>

69
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,312
<i>I've witnessed its savagery.</i>

70
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:33,440
<i>"What are the three most
common injuries," you ask?</i>

71
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,568
<i>Nose bleeds, fat lips,</i>

72
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,237
<i>and welts the size
of a three-egg omelet.</i>

73
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,447
<i>Ouch.</i>

74
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,115
<i>- Back to you, Ren.</i>
- (LAUGHS)

75
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,659
<i>Gosh. Thank you, Nelson.</i>

76
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,955
<i>Okay, so we took one
of our hidden cap cams</i>

77
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,749
<i>into Coach Tugnut's gym classes</i>

78
00:04:50,916 --> 00:04:53,084
<i>and came away with
this disturbing footage.</i>

79
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:56,296
<i>Now, to help you get the most
out of your dodgeball experience,</i>

80
00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:57,756
<i>I'd like you all to meet...</i>

81
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,050
<i>Target Timmy.</i>

82
00:05:00,509 --> 00:05:03,595
<i>If you want to drop your
opponent like a sack of potatoes,</i>

83
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:04,846
<i>aim for the hot zones.</i>

84
00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:07,516
<i>Here, here, and here.</i>

85
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:11,686
<i>You'll earn extra credit, and
he'll learn a valuable life lesson.</i>

86
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,147
<i>So, dodgeball's really
about earning and learning...</i>

87
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,525
<i>Hey, take the hat
off. No hats in class.</i>

88
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:18,026
<i>Lose the hat.</i>

89
00:05:18,276 --> 00:05:19,277
<i>Take it off!</i>

90
00:05:20,695 --> 00:05:22,614
<i>We caught up with
Coach Tugnut after school</i>

91
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:24,241
<i>to ask him some questions.</i>

92
00:05:24,783 --> 00:05:26,618
<i>Hi. I'm here to ask Coach Tugnut</i>

93
00:05:26,785 --> 00:05:28,995
<i>the tough questions
about dodgeball.</i>

94
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:31,164
<i>Um, come with me.</i>

95
00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:34,167
<i>Whoa! Ow! Ow!</i>

96
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,253
<i>Coach Tugnut, is
it true in dodgeball,</i>

97
00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:38,579
<i>you encourage kids to inflict
as much pain as possible?</i>

98
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,233
COACH TUGNUT: <i>I don't
know what you're talking about.</i>

99
00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,901
REN: <i>Well, what about
the "hot zones," sir?</i>

100
00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,176
<i>I have no comment.</i>

101
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,303
<i>Well, we need to know the truth.</i>

102
00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:48,765
<i>The truth is I'm a very busy
man shaping young lives.</i>

103
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:59,109
<i>Like the dinosaurs and the
Macarena, let's make dodgeball extinct.</i>

104
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:03,697
<i>That was great, Ren. You
nailed that dirtball Tugnut.</i>

105
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:04,865
(LAUGHS)

106
00:06:05,031 --> 00:06:06,783
(SOFTLY) <i>Nelson,
we're still on the air.</i>

107
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:08,577
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

108
00:06:19,588 --> 00:06:21,089
(GROWLS)

109
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:31,391
Excuse me, excuse me. Cuttskys.
Sorry. Excuse me, excuse me.

110
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:33,894
- Oh, sorry.
- Yeah, right.

111
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:35,645
LENNY: Louis.

112
00:06:36,146 --> 00:06:37,564
(GROWLS)

113
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:41,693
I need to talk to you.

114
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:45,488
Listen, if I offended you
in any way, I am sorry.

115
00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:48,909
And, in fact, I'd like to pre-apologize
for anything I may do in the future.

116
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,746
I just wanted to say
thanks for the pencil.

117
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,291
The pencil? Oh,
right. Old Number Two.

118
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:57,959
Well, you're welcome.

119
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,255
Hey, you want to
eat lunch with me?

120
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,049
Yeah.

121
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,383
Thanks.

122
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:06,760
Come on.

123
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,219
Hey!

124
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,013
They forgot our pudding.

125
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,389
I'll go get us some.

126
00:07:11,556 --> 00:07:12,682
All right.

127
00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,769
- Hey, bro.
- Hey, Lou. Hey, I got us a table.

128
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:17,492
No, what's wrong
with this one right here?

129
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,022
Uh...

130
00:07:19,189 --> 00:07:21,358
- That's the eighth grade table.
- Yeah, so?

131
00:07:21,524 --> 00:07:22,734
What, you got a death wish?

132
00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,653
I don't think it's gonna
be a problem today.

133
00:07:24,819 --> 00:07:26,363
Go ahead, sit down.

134
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,448
(SIGHS) It's nice knowing you.

135
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:31,785
Whatever.

136
00:07:32,410 --> 00:07:34,746
Um, Stevens, this
table is reserved.

137
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,165
Larry, this table
is only reserved

138
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,692
'cause you and a few of your
unattractive friends say it is.

139
00:07:39,834 --> 00:07:42,045
Listen, little man, I'm gonna
give you three seconds.

140
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:43,296
One...

141
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:44,923
Two...

142
00:07:45,048 --> 00:07:46,716
Larry, be a peach
and pass me the Dijon.

143
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:49,177
Louis, they're out of pudding.

144
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,640
Oh, no, not a problem.
Sit down, palsy.

145
00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:55,600
Do we have a problem, Larry?

146
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:58,979
Um, no... no! (LAUGHS)

147
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:00,647
No, we ain't got no problem.

148
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,191
Well, except for the fact that

149
00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,485
me and my very, very
good buddy Lenny here

150
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,237
still don't have our pudding.

151
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:08,697
You wouldn't mind, would you?

152
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,241
Mm-mmm.

153
00:08:11,866 --> 00:08:13,952
Thanks, Lar. And my buddy here?

154
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:15,954
Um.

155
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,002
Mmm.

156
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:24,337
Is it just me, or this
pudding extra special today?

157
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,090
Hey, hey, Twitty.
Come on. Take a seat.

158
00:08:27,257 --> 00:08:28,925
I can't, man. I gotta
take back my book.

159
00:08:29,092 --> 00:08:31,404
No. Why don't we have one of
the eighth graders do it for you?

160
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:32,554
Right, Lar?

161
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,573
My buddy Lenny here, he
hates overdue library books.

162
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,099
Don't you? You hate 'em!

163
00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:37,475
It's true.

164
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,562
Okay, um, library books.

165
00:08:40,729 --> 00:08:42,313
Calvin, take
this to the library.

166
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,691
Hey, um, Lou, don't
worry about the fine.

167
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,110
- It'll go on my bill.
- Cool. Sit down.

168
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,072
Want a roll or something?

169
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,615
Here, bro.

170
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,916
REN: Coach Tugnut,
you wanted to see me?

171
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:04,169
(DOOR CREAKS)

172
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:07,088
COACH TUGNUT: You got
a problem with dodgeball?

173
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:08,923
(CLAPS)

174
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:13,386
Um...

175
00:09:13,928 --> 00:09:15,972
Why were the lights off?

176
00:09:17,015 --> 00:09:18,516
It's for dramatic effect.

177
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,852
It's called, "Tugnut
Ain't Happy."

178
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,229
Have a seat.

179
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,983
I take it you've seen
my dodgeball exposé?

180
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:28,818
(SCOFFS)

181
00:09:28,985 --> 00:09:31,529
Don't try to use fancy
foreign words, Stevens.

182
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:33,573
It just makes you look ignorant.

183
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:38,411
Now, because of you,

184
00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,789
Principal Wexler is
holding a referendum.

185
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:42,749
And if you don't
know what that means,

186
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,753
the dictionary says it's a
public measure we all vote on.

187
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,839
Dodgeball in or dodgeball out.

188
00:09:50,548 --> 00:09:53,927
If you believe in one thing,
Stevens, believe in this.

189
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,054
Dodgeball ain't going anywhere.

190
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,347
Ever.

191
00:09:58,681 --> 00:10:01,142
(CLAPS) Again,
for dramatic effect.

192
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:02,393
- (THUD)
- REN: Oh, gosh.

193
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,853
Do you want some ice for that?

194
00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,438
- COACH TUGNUT: Please.
- Okay.

195
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,484
Life is sweet, Twitty.

196
00:10:09,859 --> 00:10:11,027
You are right, man.

197
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:13,314
You know, thanks to Lenny,
we have all-day protection.

198
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,466
I know. It's like the guy's
one big deodorant stick,

199
00:10:15,490 --> 00:10:17,090
and suddenly we're
smelling pretty good.

200
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:20,120
You know what? I'm gonna go
use the eighth grade bathroom.

201
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,412
- Oh, nice.
- Yeah.

202
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,539
That's right. Do an extra
flush for me, all right?

203
00:10:23,665 --> 00:10:25,166
- TWITTY: Oh, sweet.
- Cool.

204
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,049
Lenny, don't think so
hard. You'll pull a muscle.

205
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,844
(WHINING LOUDLY) Louis!

206
00:10:36,010 --> 00:10:38,888
- (CRYING)
- Stop, stop.

207
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,055
Listen, stop. Do you want
other people to hear you?

208
00:10:41,182 --> 00:10:42,684
I don't. Stop.

209
00:10:42,851 --> 00:10:44,060
But it's not fair.

210
00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:47,605
There's an English assignment
due tomorrow, and I just got here.

211
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,191
That's what you're
crying about? Homework?

212
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,776
I'm sorry, Lou.

213
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:53,987
I'm just afraid that if I
don't do well in school

214
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,280
I'll never graduate,

215
00:10:55,446 --> 00:10:58,158
and become a... a... p...

216
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,326
(CRYING)

217
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:01,870
A policeman?

218
00:11:03,746 --> 00:11:06,541
- A private investigator?
- No.

219
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:10,336
A... python trainer.

220
00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,797
A pastry chef.

221
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:19,012
I can't find my hankie.

222
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,930
(CRYING)

223
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,354
(BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY)

224
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:30,231
(CONTINUES CRYING)

225
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,364
Are you saying he
was actually crying?

226
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,491
No, dude, I am
saying major tears.

227
00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:43,620
Lenny the Lifter's real name
should be Baby Cries-A-Lot.

228
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,666
And it's all over some
stupid poetry assignment.

229
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:49,334
If the whole school finds out about this,
then they won't be scared of him anymore.

230
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:50,793
Or us.

231
00:11:51,294 --> 00:11:52,420
So, what are we gonna do?

232
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:54,297
Well, for now, I
convinced Ren to help him.

233
00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:57,759
I hope he comes up with
something dark, mean, and hateful.

234
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,263
REN: Lenny, your poem is so...

235
00:12:02,430 --> 00:12:04,682
gentle, sweet and loving.

236
00:12:05,141 --> 00:12:06,309
You really like it?

237
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:07,852
Oh, yeah.

238
00:12:08,019 --> 00:12:09,395
I have to admit...

239
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,065
when I first met you, I didn't
think you'd be this sensitive.

240
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,525
I wish everyone could see that.

241
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:17,946
You know, we move around
a lot and every school I go to,

242
00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,447
people are afraid of me.

243
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,492
I just wish people wouldn't
judge me by my size.

244
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,827
I just got a cool idea.

245
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:27,872
Why don't we show the whole school
what a sweetie pie you really are?

246
00:12:28,039 --> 00:12:29,165
How do I do that?

247
00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,043
Read your poem on
the <i>Wombat Report.</i>

248
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,379
Really?

249
00:12:41,552 --> 00:12:43,346
Lenny, Lenny,
Lenny. Listen, bro.

250
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:45,848
Do you really wanna read your
poem on the <i>Dumbat Report?</i>

251
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,016
Yes, I do.

252
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:49,036
We have the whole eighth
grade bathroom to ourselves.

253
00:12:49,060 --> 00:12:51,020
Comfy chairs,
assorted toiletries.

254
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:53,314
(TOILET FLUSHES)

255
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,402
Not to mention,
two-ply toilet paper.

256
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:01,531
Look at this. Feel the quilted
difference? Soft as a baby's bottom.

257
00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:02,699
Look, Louis,

258
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,326
I've made up my mind.
I'm reading my poem.

259
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:08,162
- (SIGHS)
- Lenny, can't we just talk about this?

260
00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:10,832
- Aah!
- (ALL SCREAM)

261
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:12,250
Paper cut!

262
00:13:13,918 --> 00:13:15,795
(SCREAMING)

263
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:18,089
LENNY: Paper cut!

264
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,393
Lenny, you okay?

265
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:33,730
It's not so bad.

266
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:36,149
I thought it was
gonna be a real doozy.

267
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:38,026
Well, see you on TV.

268
00:13:39,444 --> 00:13:41,612
Dude, one little paper cut

269
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:43,531
and the guy turns
into the Incredible Hulk.

270
00:13:43,698 --> 00:13:46,117
Yes. Yeah, he does.

271
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:49,829
You ever notice when the Incredible
Hulk turns back into David Banner,

272
00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,314
his clothes aren't
ripped anymore?

273
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,249
Twitty, never mind
the Incredible Hulk.

274
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:56,586
I just figured out how to stop
Lenny from reading his poem.

275
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:58,629
Yes.

276
00:14:00,214 --> 00:14:02,216
- Nelson, are you okay?
- No!

277
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,426
I'm hyperventilating!

278
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:07,555
Coach Tugnut didn't buy my
chronically throbbing earlobe excuse.

279
00:14:08,014 --> 00:14:10,224
He's gonna make
me play dodgeball.

280
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:11,768
Oh.

281
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:14,771
Look, relax, okay? We're
gonna get through this.

282
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,065
You know, we got a
referendum coming up,

283
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,859
and pretty soon,
dodgeball will be outlawed.

284
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,736
And you'll never
have to play it again.

285
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,738
But what about our opposition?

286
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,323
Opposition?

287
00:14:29,243 --> 00:14:30,578
REN: "Save Dodgeball"?

288
00:14:31,746 --> 00:14:34,374
What are you, Coach
Tugnut's lackey now, Larry?

289
00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:35,820
You're absolutely not my lackey.

290
00:14:35,958 --> 00:14:37,543
I am absolutely not his lackey.

291
00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:41,255
Look, we demand equal
time on the <i>Wombat Report</i>

292
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:44,342
to debate against you and
your anti-dodgeball views.

293
00:14:44,842 --> 00:14:47,595
You know what? Fine, I'll
debate you, but I'm going to win.

294
00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,765
Your dodgeball
days are numbered.

295
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:52,683
We'll see about that.

296
00:14:52,850 --> 00:14:56,145
Oh, and, Minkler, we'll see
you at the dodgeball game.

297
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:59,982
And if you thought your
earlobe was throbbing before...

298
00:15:00,149 --> 00:15:01,859
(HYPERVENTILATING)

299
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:05,655
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER)

300
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:07,907
(SCREAMS)

301
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,203
TWITTY: How we doing?

302
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,330
Almost. Done.

303
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:17,041
Dr. Zapenstein's installed.

304
00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:22,130
- Is it gonna hurt?
- Oh, no more than a paper cut.

305
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:25,216
And that's all it takes to
make Lenny go ballistic.

306
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,844
Right. Which the whole
school will see. Keep fear alive.

307
00:15:28,052 --> 00:15:29,470
All right.

308
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,098
Okay, now you're absolutely
sure that it's gonna work?

309
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,225
Yeah, it's been field-tested.

310
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,687
LOUIS: <i>Good old Dr. Zapenstein.</i>

311
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:39,188
- (ZAPS)
- Ooh!

312
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:42,775
Louis!

313
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,062
And, plus, this is the deluxe
voice-activated version.

314
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:48,156
Which means the second Lenny
starts reading his wimpy poem,

315
00:15:48,322 --> 00:15:49,842
he'll get a little
visit from the Doc.

316
00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,117
All right.

317
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:52,869
- Dude, someone's coming.
- Go!

318
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:55,913
I cannot believe I'm
hearing this, Nelson.

319
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,957
- But, Ren, it's true.
- (SIGHS)

320
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:01,335
Well, you agreed that you thought
that dodgeball was barbaric and violent.

321
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:03,342
But that was before I
actually played the game.

322
00:16:03,504 --> 00:16:06,090
- Thank you.
- Listen, I dashed...

323
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:10,553
I darted... and dare
I say it... I dodged.

324
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,305
It was exhilarating!

325
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,141
Ren, I think you should
reconsider your position.

326
00:16:15,933 --> 00:16:17,602
That's not gonna happen.

327
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:20,855
Come on, people, we
have a broadcast to do.

328
00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:23,983
Ren, you don't know
what you're missing.

329
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,529
Whoa, whoa, take it
easy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

330
00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:30,364
Yeah, don't start bawling on us.

331
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,366
Louis...

332
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:35,786
Louis, I'm really nervous
about reading my poem.

333
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,193
Don't worry about it. You're
gonna buzz right through it.

334
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,833
I wrote it about you.

335
00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:42,210
Here's a copy.

336
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,711
Really.

337
00:16:50,885 --> 00:16:52,136
Hey, you okay?

338
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,931
Hey, you ever feel the
gnawing pangs of guilt?

339
00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:57,850
You know, the ones that make
you feel like a terrible person

340
00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,894
who doesn't deserve to live?

341
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,103
No.

342
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,355
Me, neither.

343
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,565
But... it is the
closest I've ever been.

344
00:17:07,568 --> 00:17:09,320
Listen, this is what
we're gonna do, okay?

345
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,887
You're gonna ask her a question.
I'm gonna switch the chairs.

346
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,408
- All right, got you, got you.
- (WHISPERS) Then go ask her.

347
00:17:15,743 --> 00:17:18,412
Hey, hey, Ren.
Hey, um, you know,

348
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,998
is it true that...
that a dog's mouth

349
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:23,584
is... is actually cleaner
than a human's mouth?

350
00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,837
Twitty, what kind
of question is that?

351
00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:28,673
Look, I have a
broadcast to do, okay?

352
00:17:28,756 --> 00:17:30,049
Hey, what's going on here, man?

353
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:31,801
Are you harassing her? Huh?

354
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,886
She's a very busy
woman. I want you out.

355
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:36,133
- But, but, you said...
- No, shh. Don't talk. Do it.

356
00:17:36,180 --> 00:17:37,974
You get out now.
You get out now!

357
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,892
I'm sorry. You get out!

358
00:17:40,851 --> 00:17:44,605
(NEWS PROGRAM THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

359
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:47,149
Good morning, and
welcome to a special edition

360
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,693
of the <i>Wombat Report.</i>

361
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:51,445
<i>Our historic dodgeball
debate is coming up.</i>

362
00:17:51,612 --> 00:17:52,989
<i>We hope this will
help you decide</i>

363
00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:57,034
<i>whether to continue this
savage, athletic competition</i>

364
00:17:57,201 --> 00:17:59,412
<i>or make the more
enlightened choice,</i>

365
00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,289
<i>and ban it forever.</i>

366
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,584
<i>But first, let's turn
to our Poetry Corner</i>

367
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,377
<i>to meet the newest
transfer student,</i>

368
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,170
Lenny Kranepool.

369
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:11,132
(GASPS)

370
00:18:11,799 --> 00:18:14,427
<i>"Emotional" by Lenny Kranepool.</i>

371
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:17,346
<i>"I wish you could
see beyond my size.</i>

372
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,515
<i>"To the person
that lives inside.</i>

373
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,393
<i>"There is someone
who sees the real me.</i>

374
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:24,937
<i>"His name is Louis and you see.</i>

375
00:18:25,646 --> 00:18:28,482
<i>"He never judged or
laughed or tried to hide.</i>

376
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,277
<i>"He just treated me
like any other guy.</i>

377
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:34,155
<i>"I owe a lot to
this true friend.</i>

378
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,907
<i>"I hope our
friendship never ends</i>

379
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:39,535
- (CRYING)
<i>- "It really hurts to be left out.</i>"

380
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:43,205
<i>"If you have any doubt</i> (CRYING)

381
00:18:43,414 --> 00:18:44,832
<i>"Try being me for just one day"</i>

382
00:18:44,999 --> 00:18:46,250
- (CRYING)
- (BLOWS NOSE)

383
00:18:46,417 --> 00:18:48,711
<i>"And I'm sure you'd
agree when I say."</i>

384
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,839
<i>"That being feared
cuts like a knife."</i>

385
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,259
<i>"But one good friend
can change your life"</i>

386
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:59,680
(BOTH CRYING)

387
00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:02,391
A little tear.

388
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,477
<i>Thank you, Lenny.</i>

389
00:19:04,644 --> 00:19:06,020
<i>That was...</i>

390
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:08,189
<i>beautiful.</i>

391
00:19:08,898 --> 00:19:10,066
(BLOWS NOSE)

392
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:13,319
(SNIFFLES) That
was so beautiful, man.

393
00:19:14,236 --> 00:19:15,655
Shut up, Omar.

394
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,573
Look, life is gonna
be good again.

395
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,158
Yeah, yeah.

396
00:19:20,117 --> 00:19:22,745
LARRY: Stevens
just lost his bodyguard.

397
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,289
(SNIFFLES, CHUCKLES)

398
00:19:27,375 --> 00:19:29,126
Now it's time for our
dodgeball debate.

399
00:19:30,086 --> 00:19:33,714
(NEWS PROGRAM THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

400
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:37,802
I'd like to welcome my
opponent, Larry Beale.

401
00:19:38,219 --> 00:19:39,804
Um, thank you, Ren.

402
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,640
<i>My fellow Wombats,</i>

403
00:19:43,349 --> 00:19:45,101
I am here to save
a beautiful tradition.

404
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,354
Chucking balls incredibly
hard at each other...

405
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:49,563
- Lou?
- Yeah?

406
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,607
Isn't Ren sitting in
the chair we rigged?

407
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:53,025
Mm-hmm.

408
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,111
Yep, this is not
gonna be pretty.

409
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,363
<i>But an inalienable right.</i>

410
00:19:58,322 --> 00:19:59,532
<i>Ren.</i>

411
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,993
<i>- Larry, I... Ow!</i>
- (ZAPPING)

412
00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:04,578
<i>- I... Ow! I... Ow!</i>
- (ZAPPING)

413
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:06,205
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

414
00:20:06,372 --> 00:20:07,581
Louis... Ow!

415
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:08,916
- I... Ow!
- (ZAPPING)

416
00:20:09,083 --> 00:20:10,292
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
- (ZAPPING)

417
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:11,669
Louis... Ow!

418
00:20:11,836 --> 00:20:13,546
Uh, uh, over here...

419
00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,798
Louis... Ow!

420
00:20:20,177 --> 00:20:23,097
<i>Actually, Larry, maybe
I was a little too hasty.</i>

421
00:20:23,431 --> 00:20:25,099
<i>You have an excellent point.</i>

422
00:20:27,017 --> 00:20:28,144
<i>I do?</i>

423
00:20:28,352 --> 00:20:29,437
<i>Sure.</i>

424
00:20:29,603 --> 00:20:31,772
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,
Larry just persuaded me</i>

425
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,607
<i>that there's a time and a place</i>

426
00:20:33,774 --> 00:20:37,361
<i>for dodgeball to be a
very rewarding experience.</i>

427
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:42,700
(WHISTLING)

428
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,662
Ren, I'm glad you
finally saw the light.

429
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,206
It's nice to be on the
same side for once.

430
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:51,959
Yeah, gentlemen,
you have no idea

431
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:54,420
how much I'm
looking forward to this.

432
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,881
Uh, you kids mind if I join you?

433
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,009
- Be my guest.
- Okay.

434
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,803
Okay, let him in.

435
00:21:06,307 --> 00:21:07,892
Uh, Coach, you wanted to see me?

436
00:21:12,855 --> 00:21:13,898
No!

437
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:16,192
- Fire!
- Aah!

438
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:24,074
COACH TUGNUT:
Keep firing! Keep firing!

439
00:21:24,241 --> 00:21:26,285
- Keep firing!
- Yeah!

440
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,706
REN: Yeah!

441
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:32,708
Hah!

442
00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:34,752
Looks like you're out of ammo.

443
00:21:34,919 --> 00:21:36,045
(CHUCKLES)

444
00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,172
You know, actually... no.

445
00:21:38,339 --> 00:21:39,465
What's this?

446
00:21:40,007 --> 00:21:41,342
Old reliable.

447
00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:43,803
(SCREAMS)

448
00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:49,266
(WALTZ MUSIC PLAYING)

449
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,616
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)