(THEME SONG PLAYING)
(ALARM RINGING)
(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, well... why don't we just get started, huh?
Well, as I said before, everyone, this is Chad Rhimes,
my new campaign consultant.
He is going to help me do my speeches, make appearances...
Well, I'm going to be doing much more than that, Eileen.
This is your first statewide election.
I need to help you and your family project an image
that the people of California will...
take to their hearts.
What, uh... what's wrong with our image now?
Nothing, nothing. It's a fabulous image.
I just want the public to see how fabulous your family is.
(CHUCKLING)
You know, Louis ought to be hearing this.
- Can't believe he's not here yet. - Yeah, you know, it's not like him.
He's usually so considerate.
Out of my way!
I owe you a corn dog, Lefkowitz.
Now my primary job is to get your mother nominated
in the primary election. No pun intended.
(LAUGHS)
You intended that pun. (LAUGHING)
Okay, now the only thing
that people of California need to know is that you're a happy normal family.
(CHUCKLES)
You don't have to worry about that.
- We are an extremely normal family. - (DOOR OPENS)
Hey, guys. What did I miss?
What did you do to your hair?
My hair... isn't it cool? It's my science fair project.
I planted seeds, and now I'm growing vegetables.
Look right here, look. This is radishes... this row, right?
And this is carrots. You like sweet potatoes?
- Louis? - Yeah?
You are not walking around with a vegetable garden on your head
while your mother is running for Secretary of State.
Well, why not?
This could be her platform. "End World Hunger."
Okay, p-please tell me that this is the wacky next-door neighbor.
(CHUCKLES)
Uh, the boy with the farm on his head is my son Louis.
Isn't he adorable?
(FUN MUSIC PLAYING)
Well, looks like I have my work cut out for me, now don't I?
Now your mother is making her official announcement
tomorrow in The Sacramento Morning News.
Actually, a reporter is coming here.
We're going to be on television?
(CHUCKLING) Uh, what do I say?
Uh, nothing, nothing. All you have to do is smile,
nod politely.
And you...
- lose the weeds. - All right, fine.
But you guys are missing out on some good skull sprouts.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, I really think it's big enough. (CHUCKLES)
Eileen, I picked out wardrobe for all of you.
Oh, wardrobe.
Uh, Chad, gee, don't you think maybe
we're carrying this image thing a little too far?
Eileen, this is what you pay me for. I'm trying to help your family project
that classic All-American look.
Yeah.
EILEEN: Don't you think this is maybe getting a little bit ridiculous?
We don't really walk around like this.
Eileen, you'll thank me when you're in the White House.
Come on, Mom. Whatever it takes to get elected, right?
CHAD: Okay, quiet, everyone, they're starting.
(NEWS PROGRAM THEME PLAYS)
ANNOUNCER: Five, four, three...
- CHAD: Smile! - ANNOUNCER: two, one.
Hi, and good morning, Sacramento.
I'm Cynthia Mills here at the home of State Senator Eileen Stevens,
author of the recent Family Care Bill.
Ms. Stevens is about to make a formal announcement
that she will run for Secretary of State.
- It is expected to be a tight race... - Where's Louis?
- Against her opponent... - I'll get him down here.
- By any means possible. - Local businessman Charles L. Hackster.
- Louis. It's show time! Let's go! - No way.
- Come on! - No.
Louis, get down there. You're making Mom look bad.
She cannot look any worse than me.
So that's why I decided to run for Secretary of State.
CYNTHIA: Well, you certainly have the support of your lovely family.
LOUIS: I'm not talking to any stupid reporter, okay?!
Look, there are the boys now.
LOUIS: Put me down, Crab Goose!
Is something wrong, little guy?
What? Did you just call me a little guy? Is that what you just said?
I am not a little guy. And these are not my pants.
Look at this over here. These are not my pants!
Get off me!
You understand! I'm not shorty pants kid!
(SCREAMING)
Senator Stevens, any idea why your son is running amok?
Well, that all depends on what your definition of "amok" is.
(SCREAMING)
Uh, why don't we go into the kitchen
and my mom can make us some all-American apple pie?
STEVE: Get him, Donnie!
Uh, Eileen, I've decided to resign as your image consultant.
Okay.
CYNTHIA: The Senator's son is totally out of control
destroying everything in his path.
Ow!
Including my little toe!
- You little...! - I'm not shorty pants kid!
(BROADCAST TONE BUZZES)
It's Ren.
Hey, Ren.
I saw your family on TV this morning.
What a circus.
(LAUGHTER)
Please, Larry, not today.
Oh, okay, I'm sorry. I know it must rough.
I just have one question. What is your mother running for?
The Ringmaster? 'Cause I just wanted to know.
Hey, Snarky.
For a guy with a tiny brain, you got a big mouth.
(FAST PACE MUSIC PLAYING)
Ooh, Nelson... are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Look, I appreciate you speaking up for me
- but you don't have to fight my battles. - Yeah, I'm sorry.
It's just that when someone puts my friends down
something inside of me snaps.
But then, like, you know,
it snaps back, and it's like, "Who said that?"
Look, Nelson, you're a lover, not a fighter.
You're actually not a lover, either.
But you are a nice guy.
Hey, thanks a lot.
I'm not shorty pants kid!
(GLASS BREAKING)
CYNTHIA: The scene grew worse
as the wild child proceeded to destroy furniture,
camera equipment and this reporter's baby toe.
Currently, we have with us Senator Eileen Stevens' opponent
in the race for Secretary of State, Charles L. Hackster.
It makes one wonder,
how can Eileen Stevens claim to support families
when she can't even control her own.
I know my children would never behave like that.
(PUNCHING REMOTE BUTTON)
And in other news.
State Senator Eileen Stevens' youngest son went berserk
on a local news show.
(REMOTE CLICKING)
El niño loco.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Louis Stevens...
We don't need to see any more of this.
LOUIS: Hey, guys.
What's wrong? Nothing on the tube?
Okay, okay, okay.
Mom, he's all yours. Go get him.
Guys, guys.
This is all my fault.
I never should have hired that consultant.
Ma.
Ma, come on.
You're a good kid. You are.
Now you messed up.
But it happens, right?
Right?
Louis,
my bad judgment does not excuse your behavior.
You have to take responsibility for that.
Now do you have any idea
how much work I have to do to undo all of that damage now?
Do you? You don't.
You don't!
Ma, it will blow over.
It's yesterday's news, Mom.
There he is. There's the wild child.
I think he's about to go bananas.
Hey, Ren.
Louis, what is it? I'm working on my science fair project.
Ren... I really messed things up for Mom.
I need your help.
Sit down.
Thank you.
Hmm, what is this here?
Louis!
Mmm.
Now that stuff is good.
(BURPS) That's really good stuff right there.
(REN GASPS)
Louis, you are always going to embarrass Mom
if you keep acting like this.
You think I want to be "The Wild Child"? I don't!
I want to be "The Cool Kid." "The Fun-to-Be-with Boy."
"The Makes-His-Parents-Proud Person."
Well, for that you're going to have to change your whole image.
I'm not wearing the shorty pants, okay?
(GROANS) You know what I mean, Louis!
Yeah, I know. I know.
Look, I know you better than anyone
and if you set your mind to something you're going to do a great job.
Well, the science fair.
I mean, if I won the science fair... it's just a prediction...
if I won the science fair, Mom would be proud of me, right?
Yeah. Sure.
Well, you know, I have the eighth-grade prize lined up
but seventh grade... wide open.
It's wide open. I'm down with that.
I am committed, Ren. I'm going for it man, Ren.
- All right, go ahead. - I'm serious about...
Hey, Ren, you got any more of that stuff?
Oh, yeah, down at the sewage dump.
(LAUGHING): At... the sewage dump.
(BUBBLING)
(BELL DINGING)
Hey, Nelson.
Okay, um...
why do you want to learn how to fight?
Well, because my nose keeps writing checks my fists can't cash.
What?
I'm a hothead, literally. Feel my head.
Okay, give me your best shot. Go on.
Oww! Oww.
You got any ice?
I got an idea. Come here.
What I'm about to reveal to you can never leave this room.
- Agreed? - Yeah, sure.
Okay. I'm going to teach you
about the ancient art of Ka-Ting.
The power of the pinkie.
By poking your opponent in one of the five secret power points
you can turn them instantly into a hopeless blob of jelly
for three to four minutes.
- Really? - Yeah.
Watch, come here. Stand up.
Okay, poke me, uh, between the third and fourth rib
on the right side.
Okay.
(GASPING)
Donnie?
Louis...
What are you doing with the vacuum cleaner?
The lawnmower?
The hot water heater?
A fan and that?
Ren, I've been up all night working on my science fair project.
And I have to say that it is the greatest idea.
It could be a boon to humanity.
I mean, it could change the way we live.
Or it could just be the chocolate talking.
What are you making?
It's called the Eco-Bot 3000.
Oh, what does it do?
Well, I don't know yet, but it has the coolest name.
Louis...
Ren, no more chit chat. I have a science fair to win.
Whatever.
(BELL RINGING)
I can't believe Louis is working so hard.
I actually think he's getting his act tonight.
And if I say that enough times maybe I'll start to believe it.
Hey, what are you two no-good-nicks looking at?
Hah!
You got something to say to Ren Stevens,
you say it to me. Got it?
Hah!
Hey, where are you going, huh?
Nelson... (NELSON LAUGHING)
Okay, what did do you to Nelson?
- What? - What does this mean?
Uh, sorry, Ren. Nelson swore me to secrecy.
Oh, he said that you were teaching him martial arts.
How could you possibly take a nice kid like Nelson
and turn him into a killer?
Ren, look, the kid can't even win a pillow fight.
(LAUGHS) I made up some bogus pinkie thing, uh...
- Ka-Ting. - Yeah, that's it.
Well, at least he has some confidence now.
Confidence to, uh get into a fight that he can't win.
Being tough is 90% attitude.
What's the other 10%?
Oh, getting your butt kicked.
- Oww! - Thanks a lot.
Oh, man, that hurts.
Where are all the vacuum cleaner attachments?
I have no idea...
but, Mom, I really need to talk to you about Louis.
I think he's trying to change.
- Into what? - Oh-oh... a good kid.
I know that he's really upset he messed things up
- and he just wants you to be proud of him. - Oh, honey, I am proud of him.
Well, good. Then you can come to the science fair.
He's been working on his project day in and day out.
I can't. I called this big press conference.
I have to do major damage control.
Well, honey if I don't show up they'll think I'm not serious at all
about this campaign.
Where is the hot water?
Again, I have no idea.
Just relax. You're going to do fine.
(ELECTRONIC NOISES)
Man, are you tense.
Oh, being around horses irritates my sinus cavities.
And peanuts, cashews and almonds,
they cause me general abdominal discomfort...
which I won't go into detail.
Thank you.
No. Thank you.
So, how did I do?
Great. You know, I'm feeling nauseous myself.
Good.
Uh, Ren, I have some unfinished business.
Could you watch my project for me?
Oh, sure.
Hey, microbes.
Remember me?
(LAUGHS) Hey, look, it's Locker Stuffing.
Don't make me use these.
(KARATE YELLS)
Can I speak to you for a second?
- What? I can take those guys. - Oh, I know.
You do?
Donnie told me what you're capable of.
It's terrifying.
If you ever unleash that kind of power on anyone just to save me,
well, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
Well, I just want people to know that I-I'm dangerous.
Oh, but they do!
It's in your eyes. You're a changed person now.
Really?
Stop it. Stop it! Stop it!
You're terrifying me!
Whoa.
I better put these babies away.
Yeah.
- Phew. - Phew.
WOMAN: Senator Stevens. Please, please.
Senator, Senator...
where is the wild child?
You know, I think we should forget
about the embarrassment of the past and focus in
on the issues at hand,
like public health and education and family care.
Any questions?
Is there any truth to the rumor
you have sent him off to a desert work camp?
The mechanical motion of the bicycle powers the TV and the VCR.
It's called "Larryvision."
It keeps me lean, mean and caught up on my soaps.
This is something I taped earlier this week.
I'm no shorty pants kid!
- (ALL LAUGHING) - I've seen that before.
Yeah, and after the 40th time it gets a little old.
All right, so what's the deal? Is Mom coming?
- Did you tell her? What's going on? - She's got this press conference thing.
Louis, I'm sorry. I tried.
I really did.
And for our final project
created by Louis Stevens, seventh grade.
So, tell us about your project.
All right, well, um, this is the Eco-Bot 3000.
It's an automatic can and plastic bottle crusher.
It also recycles, keeps the streets clean
and makes a pretty cool crushing sound.
Can we see how it works?
Yes. Yes.
Prepare to be amazed, guys.
It also cracks walnuts, kills spiders
and it makes pita bread, too.
The Eco-Bot 3000.
Keeping America proud...
safe...
and clean.
(HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Thank you.
Louis! Louis.
- Mom. - Louis, hi.
Oh, my gosh.
They're judging right now.
Okay, this year's first prize, seventh grade,
goes to Louis Stevens and the Eco-Bot 3000.
Well, honey, you did it. You did it. Congratulations.
WOMAN: Excuse me. Reporter with extremely painful broken toe
coming through... there she is. Excuse me. Give it to me.
It looks like we have finally caught up with Senator Stevens
here at this school science fair.
Senator Stevens,
why did you walk out on your own press conference?
Because I realized that my place was here with my son
whom, I am proud to say,
just won the prize for the seventh grade science fair.
Well, what is this prize-winning project?
Oh, here, I'll tell you. This is the Eco-Bot 3000
and pretty soon it will be in every kitchen in America.
Prepare to be amazed.
(ZAPPING)
Run for your lives!
So, Senator Stevens, still proud?
Of course I'm proud.
I'm there for my kids 24/7, no matter what.
LOUIS: Run for your lives!
(KNOCKING)
Hey, Mom.
Hi, honey, did you finish those apology letters to your classmates?
Well, yeah, I'm signing them right now.
Okay, I love you.
- I love you, Mom. - Okay. Sweet dreams.
- Yeah, sleep good. - All right.
Keep them coming, Eco.
After this, we're breaking into Ren's piggy bank.
(THEME SONG PLAYING)