(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
Ren, I'm dying. I have the greatest news ever.
A major phone call is about to be made.
Who? What?
I heard from Michelle who heard from Matt G.
You know, the one on the baseball team
who has to wear a special shoe 'cause he's got an extra toe?
Okay, I'm dying. Tell me.
Ren, Bobby Deaver is going to call you!
No way.
Yes way! My sources never lie.
Bobby is definitely going to call you.
Oh, my gosh!
(BEEPS)
Uh, that's my call waiting. It could be him.
Hello.
- Hello? - Hey, it's Bobby.
Uh, could you just hold on for one second, please?
- It's him. It's him! - (SCREAMING)
- I'm going to call you back. - You better.
Hi. Sorry about that. How are you?
Dude, she's totally buying it. What should I say next?
Uh... say something sexy, that's what you do.
I just thought you might want to know
that I'm not wearing any socks.
That's interesting.
And, also, you know since I'm such a hot, little cuddle muffin
and because you love me so much
I was wondering if you might want to be my girlfriend.
Oh, that sounds super, Bobby...
but... I just can't.
I'm in love with somebody else. I have a secret crush.
- Who?! - Who?!
Oh, I can't believe I'm telling you this,
but, um, I'm in love with my little brother's best friend...
Alan Twitty.
Really? I mean, um...
I mean, uh, uh, 'cause he's hunky beyond belief, or...
No, because he's busted beyond belief!
(SCREAMING)
I'm melting!
If you little cuddle muffins ever, ever
prank-call again, you won't be eating solid food
for a week!
Hmph!
Prank calling rules, man.
Dude, your sister loves me.
(SCOFFS)
Uh... can I help you?
Boo Boo?
Excuse me?
It is you, Boo Boo.
This is weird.
No one's ever called me that except the little boy
who used to live next door named... Nelson...
Nelson Minckler!
- Hey, no way! - Yeah, reunited...
and it feels so good.
I haven't seen you since we were four years old.
What are you doing back here?
Well, my dad just got transferred back to Sacramento.
It's funny, isn't it?
First we're next-door neighbors and now we're locker neighbors.
Yeah, I guess we've gone full circle.
Ooh, wow. Uh, let-let me help you there.
What is all this stuff?
Well, let's see. I've got, uh
gauze pads...
uh, antiseptic ointments...
A snakebite kit?
Well, you never know when a rattler's going to nibble on your kneecaps.
Why not just wear kneepads? (LAUGHS)
Got 'em.
Well, it sure is cool to see an old friend
especially when you don't know anybody else.
Hey, you know what? The way to make new friends
is just to jump right in there and join a club.
Do you have a health club?
Like, uh, a place to work out?
No. I mean a place where you discuss health
and health-related issues.
You know, symptoms, aliments, upcoming epidemics.
Right. Uh, I don't think we have one of those.
But, hey, uh, welcome to Lawrence.
I got to go.
Bye-bye, Boo Boo.
If you ever need any anti-fungals, just knock on my door.
Congratulations, Principal Wexler.
Yes, you'll be receiving your free trout
in about four to six weeks.
- Tell him... - Shh...
Yeah, yeah, I share your joy, boy.
Uh, yes.
Thank you for playing "You Can Win A Fish."
All right.
(LAUGHING)
Hey. What are you guys doing?
Just talking to a man about a trout.
What, are you going fishing or something?
(LAUGHING HARDER)
Whatever.
I guess this is just some episode
of preadolescent arrested development.
I don't know what she just said... but she's next.
Ren, here he comes.
Oh, he probably wants to talk to you in person.
(GASPS)
Hey, Boo Boo.
Uh... Nelson. Hi.
Um, this is Ruby.
Ruby, this is Nelson.
He was an old neighbor and he moved back to town.
Ren and I were in diapers together.
Well, not the same diaper, we each had our own.
(COUGHING)
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.
It's probably just a stress cough, you know.
I'm still adjusting to the three-percent increase in humidity.
(COUGHING)
Oh, my... are you sure it's not serious?
Yeah. I probably just caught a strain of streptococci or something.
Could you check my tonsils for any sign of infection?
Aah...
No, I-I'm sorry... I don't think I'm qualified to do this.
Come on.
Please.
Uh...
Aah.
Uh... Aah. Aah...
I... can't... do this.
NELSON: Aah...
Aah... aah... I'm sorry, I can't...
I don't... I don't see anything.
I just... Aah...
Aah...
Eww.
Oh, eww...
Come on, Ren. Please.
Just last month I had pus balls the size of acorns.
Aah...
(GROANS)
You know, I... I got to go to this meeting
'cause if I'm not at the meeting then I miss the meeting, and...
I'll look at your pus balls.
(PHONE RINGS) I got it.
Dean residence. Tawny speaking.
This is Lance Larsen with, uh, with Q-POP radio
calling with today's $1 million trivia challenge.
Oh, wow, this is amazing.
I mean, I was just doing my yoga and the phone rang, and...
Oh, this is great.
Um, look, I'll get my dad... he knows everything.
(BEEPS)
She totally fell for it, she's getting her dad.
Dude, this is so cool.
This is Dr. Dean.
Oh, hello, Dr. Dean.
Yes, this is Lance Larsen at Q-POP radio
calling with today's $1 million trivia challenge.
Are you ready for this?
I'll give it a whirl.
LOUIS: Okay, good.
For $1 million...
according to a survey by the American Cold Cut Council
what are the top five most popular lunch meats?
You have ten seconds, sir. Ready and... go!
DR. DEAN: Uh... uh...
bologna.
Yes.
Uh... salami... ham...
Yes and yes.
Uh... liverwurst...
Yes, and you have five seconds, sir.
Uh... what's that stuff that Aunt Edna always eats
that makes her real gassy?
Olive loaf?
Olive loaf!
Olive loaf. I'm going to have to go to the judges on that. Judges?
Yeah, I'll accept olive loaf.
We'll accept olive loaf!
You've just won a million dollars!
(WHISTLES BLOWING)
We did it, Tawny. We did it.
Oh, Daddy, we're millionaires! Yes!
Dude, they totally fell for it.
"Daddy, we're millionaires!"
Oh.
(SINGSONG GRUNTS)
- Hey, guys, how's the new bike? - Oh, it's great, honey.
You know how much I love to exercise.
- Hey, catch up, slowpoke. - Uh-huh.
Oh, well... happy pedaling.
Oh, Ren... I understand that you ran into
your old friend Nelson today.
Hey, isn't it great the Mincklers are back in town?
Oh, yeah. It's, uh, something.
The Stevens and the Mincklers go back a long way, huh?
Hey, you know, I have a feeling
our two families are going to be seeing a lot of each other.
- I can't wait. - Oh, you won't have to.
The Mincklers love that you and Nelson
are getting reacquainted, so I suggested the three of us
take them out for a surf and turf dinner on Friday night.
- Are you pedaling, Eileen? - Oh, so hard.
Oh, oh, Dad. I mean... don't you think it's just a little too soon for a dinner?
I mean, they should settle in for a few... months.
Ren, when we first moved into this house
the Mincklers did everything they could to make us feel welcome.
Now it's our turn to do that for them.
And besides, I already told them you'd be there.
Okay?
Okay. I'll be there.
(PHONE RINGS)
My phone!
- This is a workout. - What a workout, huh?
(PHONE RINGS)
- Hello. - BOY: Hi, Ren. It's Bobby.
(SCOFFS)
So, this is Bobby Deaver?
That hot little cuddle muffin who I love so much?
Um... I guess.
Listen, you little twerpozoid
I told you if you ever called me again
that you'd be sipping your food through a feeding tube.
Ren, is this a bad time?
Can we borrow your toenail clippers?
- Yeah, I got a nasty hangnail. - Disgusting.
- (RUMBLING) - (SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
(CRYING)
I am really sorry about that.
Hey, it's not every day you get called a cuddle muffin.
Oh. No, no, no, no. You don't understand.
See, my brother just discovered prank calling.
Don't worry about it. I have a little brother, too.
He's in third grade.
Well, mine just acts like it.
Um...
Well, I was just calling to see if you wanted to go to Divia Rosenberg's
ice-skating party with me.
I mean, I don't know if you're busy or if you know how to ice-skate
but, uh...
(ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING)
BOBBY: Ren?
Oh...
I'd love to.
Cool.
Party starts at 7:00, Friday night.
Great. Great. Friday night.
Oh, honey, about this Friday night...
Friday night?!
Uh, hold on, Bobby.
What is it, Dad?
It turns out that Nelson is allergic to shellfish and steak
so there goes the whole surf and turf thing.
Oh, wait. So, we're not going?
Oh, no. They're very excited.
So, I made a reservation this Friday at the Roughage Hut.
Get ready to tie on the old feed bag.
Huh, that's funny, Dad.
No, seriously. That's how they eat there.
Bobby?
So, is Friday night a problem?
Absolutely not.
I'll be there...
no matter what.
(BELL RINGING)
See. I told you Bobby would call you.
My sources are never wrong.
But you're missing the point.
I promised my dad that I was going
to go have dinner with Nelson and his parents
and then I told Bobby I was going to go ice-skating with him.
I don't know what to do.
I was up all night. I feel nauseous.
Perfect, you're sick. You can't go to that dinner.
No. Then if I'm sick then I can't go ice-skating with Bobby.
Well, once your parents leave for that dinner
I predict you'll make a miraculous recovery.
Oh, no, no, no, wait a minute.
That's so... Louis.
All right, then. Have a great dinner, Boo Boo.
Okay. The craziest thing happened to me last night.
My dad won a million dollars on the radio!
You don't say.
- Did you hear that, Louis? - I did.
A million dollars, man.
We're moving to Paris.
Paris. That... That's in another country.
Yeah. France.
Look, it's always been my dad's dream and now that we're rich...
Look, I got to catch a plane. I am really going to miss you guys.
- Give me a hug. - What, are you leaving now?
Ready, Tawny?
Sweet wheels.
DR. DEAN: Hello, boys.
Tawny, is this your limo?
Yeah. My dad just bought it.
You know, since we're millionaires... and we can.
Well, come on, Tawny.
It's time we picked up your mom and started our new lives.
Bon voyage.
- Uh, Tawny, Dr. Dean... - I have something to tell you.
Uh, this is hard. Twitty... (MUMBLING)
All right. Uh...
Dr. Dean, um...
- It was all Louis's idea! - Dr. Dean, listen.
I made a prank phone... We made a prank phone call.
Okay. It was a joke.
You didn't win a million dollars.
And now your lives are ruined. And I guess that's partially our fault.
We are so sorry.
Really sorry.
Please say something, sir.
What have you done to me?
I quit my job.
I sold our house.
I... I maxed out seven credit cards to buy this limo.
(SOBBING)
How could you guys?!
Daddy, don't cry, Daddy.
I'm never making prank phone calls again.
Me, either.
- (BOTH SOBBING) - I'm a bad, bad boy!
(SOBBING) The worst!
(LAUGHING)
Did we miss something here?
Louis, yeah. We knew it was you two the whole time.
We have caller I.D.
You made us look like idiots?
Boys... it wasn't that hard.
Oh, come on, Tawny. We still got 20 minutes on the rental.
Oh, uh, you guys want a ride or something?
You want to go home in style?
Stop the car! Stop it for a second!
Please!
Ruby, this is so not going to work. I am a terrible liar.
They're going to find out.
Ren, you could do anything you set your mind to.
- Hang on, hang on, hang on. - (KNOCK ON DOOR)
Honey... are you okay?
Oh... Mommy, I don't think I can go to dinner
- with the Mincklers. - Oh, what's wrong?
Well, it's sort of a... a throat thingy,
with a stomachy and headache type deal.
I don't believe this.
You don't?
That whole throat-stomach-head thingy?
It's going around my office.
Well, honey, you just stay home and rest tonight.
Yeah. The Mincklers will understand.
No, but I... Daddy, I so wanted to go.
I know, honey.
But you're not getting out of this bed.
Thank you.
Have a nice time.
Ren!
RUBY: Hello. Can you hear me?
Oh.
Ruby. They so bought it.
Okay, I'll see you at the rink.
Ren.
Okay, Bobby's got his skates and he's ready to hit the ice.
Go, go, go!
Okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
- Ooh, I'm so sorry. - Sorry, I... It's all right.
- Ren? - Nelson?
Wait a second, you're supposed to be at dinner.
Well, I may have exaggerated a tad
about a dull pain in my spleen.
You faked sick?
I thought this whole dinner thing was your idea.
Well, look, I'm not the type of guy
who forces people to be his friend
especially if they're embarrassed by me.
That's not true.
Then why did you give me that holier-than-thou look
in the cafeteria when I asked you for a simple throat examination?
Because people don't generally ask me to look at their pus balls.
See, I knew it! You are embarrassed.
- Give me a break, Nelson. - Fine.
You know, I guess the diaper days were a long time ago.
It's time to move on, meet some new friends.
You know, I think I heard some kids coughing
over at the candy counter.
I think I'll go distribute some lozenges.
- TAWNY: -Hey. - Hey.
Where's Twitty?
He sprained his ankle chasing after the limo.
I really thought you guys would give up
once we hit the freeway.
Hey, I wanted to tell you something.
You and your dad...
you guys really taught me a valuable lesson.
I'm through with prank calls.
I mean, I know you were just playing, but they could really ruin someone's life.
Wow, Louis, I'm impressed.
I mean, that's a side of you I've never seen before.
Well... you've got to grow up sometime, you know.
Do you want to skate with me?
- Uh, yeah. - Yeah?
Yeah, I'd love to.
Louis, you bonehead!
(NELSON YELLING)
Whoa, whoa...(GROANS)
MAN: (OVER P.A.) Now, boys and girls, it's time
for the romantic couple skate.
Grab a partner and skate counterclockwise.
Ren.
Hi. Would you like to skate with me?
Uh... I'd love to.
(GROANING)
Aah, no!
Who's that?
NELSON: Ow, that really hurt.
That's a friend of mine.
Um... he needs me right now.
Um...
I'm sorry.
Ren...
You owe me a skate.
Hey, neighbor, how you feeling?
Been better.
What are you doing here?
Well, when I saw you fall down
it kind of reminded me of the time
that this little girl fell off her tricycle
and her best friend gave her his last gumdrop
to make her feel better.
You remember that?
Oh, yeah.
It's one of those things you don't forget.
- Welcome back, Nelson. - Thanks.
You think we'll get grounded for faking sick?
Oh, yeah. Big time.
Yeah, I was afraid of that.
But you know what? As long as we have our freedom
why don't I go get us some hot chocolates?
Oh, Ren, no, please. I'm severely lactose intolerant.
Nelson, are you allergic to everything?
No... just cat dander, dust mites, uh...
Actually, it's all here on my medical alert tags.
Um... pollen... pine needles pine sap...
basically, all pine wood... Yeah.
Let's see, dog dander, chocolate, shrimp...
REN: Chocolate?!
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(YELLING)
Cool.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)