(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM RINGING)
Hey, dude, your shoe's untied.
- So, what? - So, you'll trip.
No, dude, it's just an urban myth. Everybody says it...
Now I get it.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC SWELLS)
Dude, those are the coolest sneaks I've ever seen.
You see that guy's shoes?
TWITTY: Oh, yeah, yeah, the Quazees.
Man, everybody's got those.
Is that what they're called. Quazees?
We got to get some.
Forget it, dude. I've been trying for three weeks.
Every store's sold out.
We missed the boat on the whole Quazee thing.
Our ship has sailed, man.
We're stuck on the island with the Professor and Mary Ann.
Sorry, little buddy.
What's up?
What...?
How did... how did Tom and Angela Wolf hook up?
- Oh, Quazees. - Yeah.
So I was thinking...
Ren, how could we get more stores and companies
to buy ads in our paper?
And then, I hit a great idea.
That's so great, Ren.
Congratulations.
Why don't you let me tell the plan first
and then you can give me congratulations?
Another great idea.
What do you think about...
a pizza party for all the local merchants
who have supported us in the past?
Huh? Doesn't that sound cool?
Uh, Ren, I may have another idea, if that's okay.
Really?
Well...
that sounds great, Ruby. I mean, in the interest of
democratic procedure and all fairness...
If you guys really want to have fun and raise money,
how about we put on a fashion show at the mall?
(ALL GASP)
A fashion show?
Well, gee, that sounds really complicated.
I mean, we need clothes and models.
I already checked it out.
I have six different clothing stores at the mall
willing to donate stuff.
Everything from beachwear to formal wear
and nothing tacky or cheesy, of course
and they're all willing to donate ten percent of anything they sell.
And here's the fun part: we get to wear the clothes.
Who wants to be a supermodel?
Wait a second, guys.
You know, this really does sound fun, Ruby,
but it also sounds very time-consuming
and our main responsibility
is to get the paper out every Monday.
I know.
We can get the paper out after we're supermodels.
And if there's still time, we could eat pizza.
(SCREAMS)
Now, where'd you get the shoes, Tom?
Yeah, nobody can get those shoes.
(SIGHING) Well... I'm not really proud of this.
I... I got them from a rather shady character.
Oh, yeah? Keep talking, Tom.
Hey, enough of that.
Alright, I'm going to write down his name
and phone number, but...
you can't say you got it from me, all right?
Uh-huh.
LOUIS: Have a good day, Tom.
- "Scabby." - "Scabby."
- You should let me talk to this guy. - Shh.
- Uh, Scabby? - Yeah.
Yeah, are you the guy with the Quazees?
Don't talk.
Is this a secure line?
Uh... I... I think so.
I mean, I'm in a phone booth...
Didn't I just say don't talk?
Well, but then how am I supposed to answer...?
Yes or no.
You know where the South Creek Mall is?
- Yes. - We do.
Yes.
No.
Well, once, but I didn't know it was wrong.
Hey, ask him if he's got the ones
- with the red Q's on the side... - Shh!
Fine, fine, fine.
No, that's just my friend.
Yeah, his name... his name is, uh...
Pancho?
No. Frenchie Von Richter.
- Frenchie Von Richter. - His name's Frenchie.
Von Richter.
Yeah, yeah, he'll be coming with me.
Uh, yeah, about 13... We'll be there.
My name? My name is... Lars... Lars...
My name is Lars. Lars. Yeah.
Lars.
Lars, uh... Lars Honeytoast.
Yeah, Honeytoast. Yeah.
Yeah, okay, see ya.
Honeytoast, huh?
- Good job, bro. - It's what I had for breakfast.
RUBY: And... one and two
and you're so gorgeous.
Three and four, don't hit the floor.
Five and six, and work those hips.
Seven and eight... that was great.
(MUSIC STOPS)
Ren! You're here! So, what do you think?
Well, it looks like you guys did a lot of work
but none of it for the newspaper, like we all agreed.
Well, actually, we all kind of decided
we should, uh, skip this week's paper because of the fashion show.
I'm sorry, I'm...
I'm the editor in chief, and I didn't authorize that.
Come on, Ren, is it really that big a deal if you miss one issue?
We have not missed an issue since I have been editor.
Well!
It sounds to me like you're against this
because it wasn't your idea.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
That's ridiculous...
'cause I just want the paper to come out, and that's all.
I mean...
You know what? If you guys think
that this fashion show is more important
that's fine.
'Cause I'll do the paper myself.
Which I'll do...
if that's how you really feel.
Fine.
Here I go.
Off I go, alone...
to do the paper myself.
I'm more than happy... more than happy.
LOUIS: Do you realize this could be
the afternoon that changes our lives?
TWITTY: Why, 'cause we're getting new shoes?
Cause we're getting the shoes... Quazees...
the shoes that say, "You see these guys
wearing me? They're cool."
Whoa! Hey, are you saying we weren't cool before, man?
No, that's not what I'm saying. Of course, we were cool be...
But now, it's official. Now everyone knows, man. It's out in the open.
People don't have to waste time getting to know us. They look at our feet.
Hey, wait a second.
Scabby told us to go through the side door
and meet him in the basement.
Is there a basement here?
I didn't even know.
You watch for people. I'm going to get the door.
Okay.
No, you watch for people.
Twitty? Twitty?
Is it this way?
Here's the elevator, here it is.
Hey, but why does this... why does this Scabby guy say
we have to come in the basement anyways?
- Huh? - Maybe he's allergic to sunlight.
Did he mention anything about sucking our blood?
No!
Come on, man.
- Come on. - No, you go.
Yeah, it's not as... not that bad.
How... How bad do we really want these shoes?
What?
Well, we can't just walk out of here, you know?
We got to stay four, five minutes, right? That's reasonable.
- Yeah. - We got to wait...
- (PIERCING CREAK) - (SCREAMING)
Do you think it's been five minutes yet?
What? I... Oh, at least, right?
MAN: Hey!
Hey!
You guys, uh, Frenchie and Honeytoast?
Yeah, Fr... Frenchie and Honeytoast.
That's us, that's...
Sorry, I got confused
'cause our friends call us Lars and, um...
- Von Richter. - Von Richter.
- TWITTY: Yeah. - I see.
You guys aren't, uh...
wired... -What? - Are you?
No, I don't even know you, man.
(LAUGHS) Sorry, Tickles. I'm sorry.
Hey, just a precaution.
I'd do this to my own mother.
Relax.
Yeah.
Hey, can I ask you a question?
Why do people call you "Scabby?"
You don't want to know.
- You know what? You're right. - I don't...
I've lost interest in the question. I'm sorry.
- I don't... - Okay!
You got the money?
You got the shoes?
Yeah, yeah, you, you g... got the shoes?
- Got the shoes? - Got the shoes?
Okay.
Here's how it's going down.
My associate works upstairs at Sneaker Circus.
Now, as far as the public is concerned,
they're all sold out of Quazees.
But...
he's got a secret stash
that he sells only to me.
- Okay. - Primo.
But...
I have to go up there alone
so that the other customers don't see.
Otherwise, it turns into a whole big scene, right?
Right, yeah, we don't want... we don't want a scene.
- Especially a whole big one. - Yeah...
Guys, good, good!
We're not so different, huh? You're old pros at this, huh?
Yeah.
Hey, guys, have a seat.
- I'll take your piggy. - Oh.
Oh!
You know, you really scared me
during the beginning.
Money.
Right. Right. Yeah. Right, we got it. It's, it's...
We got that stuff, too.
Yeah, it's all here. You can just, you can count that.
I'll be right back.
(GIGGLES)
LOUIS: Hey, hey!
If you could, could you get me the ones with the red "Q's?"
Y... Yeah, could get me ones with the blue? The blue "Q's?"
You got it.
(LAUGHING)
LOUIS: All right.
That guy...
Wait, wait, wait. He didn't ask us our sizes.
Oh, no, that's cool, man.
He could probably tell just by looking at us, you know?
- You think? - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I mean he probably does this all the time, right?
Yeah.
That guy's not coming back, is he?
No, I seriously doubt that.
REN: (TYPING) The Lady Wombats
beats the Bakersfield Bullfrogs
to eight to... what, what is that?
Is that a "one"? Is that a sent...
What is that? What...?
(SIGHS)
All right, it's going to be a "one."
That's what it's going to be. It's going to be a "one."
That's fine. Print.
What are you doing? That's my sports page.
You cannot do that. Please, don't do that. No...
Hey!
Hey.
How's it going?
Going great. Couldn't be better.
Hey, I was just on my way to the fashion show, and I...
Oh, really? Great.
I really hope you have a great time.
'Cause I can't make it. You know, I have a paper to write.
(GRINDING AND SPUTTERING)
I know you didn't get your way on this thing
but it'd be nice if you came to the fashion show
and showed your support.
I mean, lighten up a little.
Lighten up?
Ha! Lighten up?
That's great.
You know what?
This paper doesn't mean anything to you.
But it happens to mean a lot to me.
At least I stick to my commitments.
Well, so do I.
My column.
(SIGHS)
You know, Louis, this probably isn't a burn, man.
You know, you know, I say.
Scabby is in Sneaker Circus right now
you know, just negotiating the finer points of our deal.
Yeah, well, maybe if his name was Honest Bob
but his name is Scabby.
You know, Lou, not everybody's out to rip us off, okay?
Hmm.
He ripped us off.
(GROANS)
"Out of business." No, he probably just put that up
'cause he doesn't want us to come by his office.
You know why? This is his office.
Yeah.
What do we tell the kids?
And they all want their shoes, and you didn't come.
This is not fair.
TWITTY: We know you're in there, Scabby.
- I'll get him. - (POUNDING)
- Hello! - Oh.
You guys have reading problems?
No, actually, I'm right on grade level.
Although I did have a little trouble with comprehension.
LOUIS: No, no, he's...
you're talking about the sign. He's talking about the sign, man.
Oh, yeah, I can read that.
Good, 'cause I got a report yesterday
about somebody running a sneaker scam up here.
That is exactly why we're here.
Okay, that's it, up against the wall.
What? I'm just...
Not like that. Assume the position.
Turn around, you clowns, and spread 'em.
Okay.
I can't believe this. The second time today it's hap...
(CACKLES)
It tickles. I'm sorry.
I'm not enjoying this. I'm doing my job.
I... I know, I'm not either.
Bye, Jennifer.
Jennifer, hope you feel better. Bye.
You'll be the most gorgeous patient there.
- Bye. - Bye.
Bye. Hope you feel better, bye.
Okay, people, okay, people, don't panic.
Jennifer's going to be all right.
She just has an upset stomach.
But now we have no one to model the evening gown.
I'm trying to find somebody else.
I can do it.
Yeah, if you grow nine inches in the next two minutes.
I'm just trying to help, because Jennifer got sick.
Girls, calm down, okay?
I'm not going to let a bad tuna wrap
ruin the show.
Jennifer had a tuna wrap?
No wonder she got sick.
We had tuna wraps!
Oh, my gosh.
Boys, boys, all right,
stop fighting over the blue sweater.
One of you will wear red. It'll be fine, okay?
Ruby, I think I'm going to barf.
- Me, too. - I... I can't do this.
(SIGHS)
Hey! How's it going?
Great, just great.
Uh, how's the paper coming?
It's going great.
It's going to be a smaller issue.
You know, it's just going to be a gossip column, but...
thank you for that.
It's okay.
So, I guess the, uh, fashion show
was a better idea after all, huh?
No, it's a disaster.
I... I'm dying here, Ren. I... I can't do this.
I'm an idea person, not an organizer.
Oh, come here. It's okay, I'm here.
- Look, what happened? - Jennifer got sick,
and now Carla and Marla are nauseous.
The twins are fighting over red sweaters
and blue sweaters, and I have no one to wear the evening gown.
What is this? Oh, my...!
Oh! Stop!
Mosh, Stosh, up!
Red, blue. Go.
Carla, Marla, you guys are not sick, Jennifer's allergic to cilantro.
We're not dying!
Thanks to Ren!
All right, now what's the deal with the evening gown?
Well, actually, it's just your size.
Oh, really?
LOUIS: Oh, there's Scabby.
That's the guy who ripped us off.
Like I'm going to fall for that one.
- Look, a diversion. - Where?
Oh!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Lawrence Junior High's
first annual Fashion Extravaganza.
I'd like to thank all the merchants who contributed
to these fabulous fashions.
Don't I look gorgeous?
TWITTY: In here, let's find a disguise.
(TECHNO SONG PLAYS)
(APPLAUSE)
(WHISTLING)
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
- What are you guys doing here? - Um, what?
We're just trying to blend in.
Blend in?!
Just act natural.
Turn, turn, turn.
(APPLAUSE)
Turn!
- Ren? - Yes.
Okay, what are you doing here?
What? The security guard thinks we're the troublemakers.
Gee, I wonder why!
(YELLS)
(GASPING)
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
There he is.
Hold it, Scabby! Yeah, got him.
We've got some unfinished business.
- That's right. - Hey, who are you guys?
- Frenchie and Honeytoast. - Yeah.
Undercover mall security,
as you can see in this picture.
We've been tracking you for awhile, buddy.
Now, you go over there and assume the position.
Go ahead, we don't have time to play games.
Come on. Now, frisk him, Honeytoast.
You frisk him, Frenchie, yeah, that's your job.
You're right, it's my... my job.
Very ni... very nice.
Come on, turn around. Un... Unassume it.
Now, we want the Quazee money for, uh, evidence, right?
TWITTY: Yeah.
Hey, no problem.
Hey!
Maybe we can, uh, work something out.
What do you guys need? We got, uh...
sponges, cat food, hmm?
Fanny packs.
We got designer jeans... marionettes.
I don't see any Quazees in there.
All right, I'm sold out of Quazees.
No offense, but you guys sounded like a couple of suckers.
I figured I'd take your money and run.
Well, you didn't run fast enough, bucko.
Grab him, Boyd.
Him, Boyd.
No, Boyd, I really didn't... Him.
- Yeah, he's the real criminal. - Yeah, Boyd.
GUARD: I'll bag the evidence.
Hey, how'd you guys get up here so fast?
It's the sneakers.
Oh. Where'd you get those?
Got them up in Chico. They just got them in this weekend.
- Chico! - Chico!
LOUIS: So, how do you feel, man?
TWITTY: Quite cool.
And you?
- Couldn't be cooler. - Yeah.
Oh, hey, Tom.
What's happening?
Oh, well, not your shoes, that's for sure.
Wait, maybe you haven't noticed
but we're wearing Quazees.
Yeah.
Well, maybe you guys haven't noticed
but nobody wears Quazees anymore.
"Midnights" are all the rage now.
(SCOFFS)
Well...
Oh, man, n... now we're going to have to go
get those Midnights and then we're going
to have to go to the mall and buy them.
No, no, we are not going to follow the trend anymore.
We are going to be the guys that set the trends.
- Yours on the right eye? - Yeah.
Let's go.
(GROANS)
Hey! What's happening? All right!