(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
Dude, are you grilling turkey dogs in your locker again?
It's not smoke; it's steam.
(HISSING)
A hot water pipe has been...
leaking into my locker all week.
Aw...
TWITTY: That's just wrong, man.
Yeah.
Oh, this is nice, this is nice.
There's moss growing on my egg salad.
Oh, look, this is great.
Mushrooms aren't just growing,
but thriving on my math book.
- TWITTY: Lou, Lou... - Yeah?
TWITTY: A man's locker is like his castle, okay?
Yeah, I know.
I should do something about this, right?
Hey, hey, here's your big chance, man.
LOUIS: Hey, Principal Wexler...
Forget it, Louis, I don't care how many rallies you've had.
- No massage chairs in study hall. - Forget the massage chairs.
My locker's turned into a steaming, festering pit.
I had a great weekend. Thanks for asking.
My locker is festering, sir.
It's disgusting.
WEXLER: Ren Stevens, guess what I have in my hand.
(LAUGHS)
Um, a car title?
You finally bought that red Miata?
Oh, no, no, no. Not yet. (LAUGHS)
- Yes! Ha-ha! - REN: Whoo!
With one week left before our final grades come in,
guess who's in first place once again to be.
- Student of the Semester? - Oh, I don't know.
I think you do.
- Oh, no, I don't. - WEXLER: I know you do. (LAUGHING)
- As you know... - REN: Mm-hmm.
This honor will ensure that your picture will hang
in the Wombat Hall of Fame for the third consecutive semester.
(SIGHS)
WEXLER: And don't forget
the 25 dollar gift certificate from Harry's Honey Hams.
And as always, I'll save you the bone.
But, really, we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves. I mean.
Grades don't officially come out until next week.
Well, on the down low...
Ben Sneed is pulling a "B" in algebra.
He's got logarithm issues.
Oh, that's too bad.
(CHUCKLES) You know, you ought to write
something about yourself for the school paper.
No, I couldn't do that.
Oh, modest, too.
Ren, you are the daughter I never had.
Well, assign it to those cub reporters
- you've been training. - REN: Carla and Marla?
Yeah, they seem to look up to you.
Really? You think so?
- MARLA: We get to interview Ren! - CARLA: I can't believe it!
- Okay, okay. You start. - MARLA: Okay, okay, okay...
- No, you. - You.
- You. You. - You. You.
Somebody.
Okay, Ren, how does it feel to be perfect?
(SCOFFS)
- I'm not perfect. - MARLA: Really?
Name one thing wrong with you.
Well... I...
- CARLA: She's perfect. - Totally perfect.
- Would you like a Danish, Ren? - Pencils need sharpening?
You sharpened her pencils yesterday.
Oh, okay, you sharpen her pencils. I'll restock her mint dish.
Ah! I've found you!
Ah! Ah!
Ow!
Louis, what is going on?
What? I have a right to protect myself, sir.
- WEXLER: Protect yourself? - Yes.
I swear to Pete there is something growing in there
and I don't think it likes me at all.
Okay, so there's a little moisture in your locker.
I mean, life forms don't just generate spontaneously.
Oh, yeah, smart guy? Look right over there.
Right there in the left corner. You see it? Down there.
(YELLING)
You want a piece of me?!
Come on! Come on! Come on!
- (FIERCE GROWLING) - (BOTH SCREAM)
You can use this until your locker's fixed.
LOUIS: Okay.
Oh, this is nasty.
Oh...
Indeed, it is.
Make yourself at home.
I can make this work.
MR. RUPERT: Remember, always sand with the grain,
never against.
If you can't tell with your fingertips,
rub it gently against your cheek.
Mmm...
That's nice.
Ah. Okey-dokey.
Those of you who haven't turned in your project final project,
finish up.
It's due at the end of class.
Mr. Rupert, I was just wondering
if you got to take a look at my project
and everything was A-A-A-okay?
Ren, I've been meaning to talk to you about your project.
You know, there are many wonderful things
you can do with wood.
Look at Jamal's sailboat.
Nice work, Jamal.
And Tasha's beautiful violin.
And Alex's project...
a reproduced Victorian-era grandfather clock.
It's beautiful. (CHUCKLES)
And you, Ren, you chose... to make...
a pizza paddle.
A pizza paddle.
Well, sir, it's really smooth. Feel.
Yeah.
Mmm...
- It is smooth. - (GIGGLES)
Okay, bottom line, sir, what did I get?
Well, uh, Ren,
I have your grade right here.
(LAUGHING) Sir, that looks like a...
That's a "C".
Guys, this is 49; it should be 48.
Hey, Mark, how you doing? Put it to the left, right, bud?
Guys, we should have the ceiling fans now.
Hey, I really like the Mexican tile around the entertainment console.
- That was a cool touch, bro. - It's nice, right?
Hey, I want this to be more than just a locker, you know?
The blue stuff.
I want this to be a trip south of the border.
My own private Casa de Fiesta.
Hey, uh, just out of curiosity
how are you gonna pay for Casa de Fiesta?
- Sign? - Yeah.
There you go.
Thank you, Mr. Wexler.
Yeah. Yeah. I added a little something extra for you and the guys, too.
- Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. - You guys are doing a good job.
- REN: A "C"... - Oh, Ren... Ren...
Sorry, guys. Look, Ren...
You have good taste, so you would know, right?
We're thinking about going with this burnt tortilla stuff?
It's a paint for our walls. What do you think?
"C".
Sí?
"Sí." Ah, gracias, Ren! All right!
Pfft.
A "C." How could you?
I'm sorry.
MARLA: Ren, there you are!
We've been looking all over for you.
We need to run some titles by you for our article.
I like: "Ren Stevens: A Profile in Perfection".
And I like "Flawless".
"Flawless"?
That doesn't even have Ren's name in it.
Well, who else would it be about?
Ren, which do you like better?
Hers... or mine?
Whatever.
Fabulous, Carla. Now you've upset her!
Well, it wasn't my fault.
(BOTH TALKING AT ONCE)
(BELL RINGING)
A pizza paddle?
A pizza paddle?!
I know.
It started out as a coffee table but it was just too hard.
Okay, it's not the end of the world.
Yeah, it is. It's the end of my world.
I am an "A" student.
I'm a role model. People look up to me.
Oh, Ren, Ren... relax.
No one needs to know that...
(OVER LOUDSPEAKER) Ren Stevens got her first "C".
REN: Good, thank you, sir.
I guess I'll just wallow in my own private shame.
(ECHOING) Shame... shame.
Why am I echoing?
(ECHOING) Echoing... echoing?
- Oh! - Oh!
Had my keister on the mic!
I always do that.
Oh, no. Oh... no.
Carla... Marla...
Look, I know you guys are upset about my "C" and so am I...
What, so you guys are just not gonna say anything?
Say something!
(SLURPS)
Fine.
I can't believe you're just gonna let this happen.
Yeah, Ren. You always have a plan.
"Bring me adversity
for she is the greatest motivator of all.
Ren Stevens."
I said that?
March eighth, in an impromptu speech out at the quad.
Hey, you're right, I did say that.
And I'll tell you something else.
I'm not gonna let some wood shop class
just crush everything I believe in.
Yeah!
I did not come this far to just go out without a fight.
So, can I please get
my pencils sharpened and my mint dish refilled now!
MARLA AND CARLA: Yeah!
Give me a hug. Okay.
I wanted you to be the first to see it.
- You ready? - I'm tingling, bro.
Okay.
Check it out, man.
Isn't this cool?
All right!
Dude, I'm in Mexico.
No, my friend, you're not in Mexico.
(MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING)
LOUIS: Now you're in Mexico!
- Tropical smoothie? - Sure.
Hey, you got any of those little umbrella thingies?
Dude, please.
- For you. - All right!
Mm. Mm!
Check this out. Retractable chairs from the walls.
- Isn't that cool? - Yeah.
See that thing over there? That's not a guitar.
It's a bass, and I got it shipped in from Mexico.
Oh!
- See that matador painting? - TWITTY: Very nice.
LOUIS: The guy at the gas station told me that's on real velvet.
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Excuse me.
(GASPS) Principal Wexler... sir.
Yeah, um... um...
Uh... could you come back later, 'cause I'm kind of busy?
Stevens, who approved this work order for closet renovation?
Um... looks like your signature down at the bottom.
For your information, there's only one "X" in "Wexler".
What in tarnation have you done in here?
Wait, sir, sir, you said to make myself at home, so I did.
Tropical smoothie?
Stevens, I want you, your smoothie
and your tacky
velvet matador painting out of here
in 24 hours!
That's unfair. We just built it.
I kind of like the matador painting.
Yeah. Tacky? He paid 12 bucks for that.
Well, you know, dude, if you have to leave,
I say fiesta!
Muy grande fiesta!
- Olé! - Olé!
(MEXICAN MUSIC PLAYING)
REN: Mr. Rupert, all I'm asking for
is just a chance to bring my grade up.
I mean, how about a think piece, you know
- on that saw, the cute little one? - The chop saw?
Yes, that one!
Ren, maybe you haven't noticed but I love wood...
as a fuel source, as a raw material,
even as a means of transportation.
Wood is my lady, and if I make a concession for you,
then I'm only hurting her.
You know, gosh, that's a... that's a beautiful sentiment, sir.
Except, you know what? I need another chance.
I want to love wood just as much as you.
You just want an "A", so you can keep your perfect record.
Well, yeah, but...
Look, this is really important to me.
Okay, Ren, I'll give you a shot.
Yes! Thank you, thank you!
I mean, I'll do anything. I'll stain your bumpers.
- Don't joke about wood, Ren. - Okay.
Okay, so come by class tomorrow afternoon after school
and we'll work something out.
All right. Thank you. I will be there.
- Okay. - REN: (SIGHS)
LOUIS: Oh, hey, bro. Nice to see you.
It's nice to see that you came, too, man.
Hey, how you doing, bro?
Thanks for coming. Thank you.
Hey, how you doing? Nice.
Hey, how was cheerleading practice?
Nice?
I've got something to cure your problem.
All right, eat those. Hey, enjoy the party.
What's up, guys? What's up, Anthony?
Oh, hey, Carly.
Welcome to Louis' Farewell Fiesta!
And you are...?
Carly Blane, Twitty.
I'm your cousin.
Carly Blane...
AARON: Yo, Twitty!
Oh, hey, Aaron. Come on in, bro.
What's up? What's happening? Enjoy the party. All right.
Ah, excuse me.
Okay, Carly Blane... Carly Blane...
This is embarrassing. Could it maybe be under another name?
Ren, you are gonna build me a footstool.
A footstool.
To be specific, a McClemore footstool.
Okay.
Simple, classic lines with mitered butt joints.
You build me a perfect McClemore,
you get your "A".
Okay, let's rock 'n' roll.
(EXHALES)
- There. It's done. - Very good, Ren.
Now, just give me five minutes to conduct a preliminary evaluation.
Then you can come back and I'll give you your grade.
Okay. Thank you, sir.
I've just got to brush this... stuff off first.
(SNEEZES)
Come on in, guys, come on in.
Whoa, excuse me.
All right, you're family so let me see what I can do.
Hey, Louis!
Carly Blane... she's not on the list.
Carly who?
Louis, you've known me since kindergarten!
You used to eat my paste!
Where's...?
Now, you're...? Carly Blane.
I'm just joking. I know you. I'm just playing around.
How you doing?
Good? Have fun.
You know what? You guys have been waiting long enough.
Go ahead and let them in. Let them all... Come on in! Yeah!
(CHEERING)
Hey, Ren...
if you were an ice machine, okay?
I'm not saying you are or anything... but where would you be?
I don't know, the cafeteria?
Ren, I think you're getting down to the bone there.
I'm nervous, okay?
- When I'm nervous, I file. - Right.
Oh, yeah, your stool thingy. How's that going?
REN: I don't know yet.
You know, my whole academic career comes down to this.
If I don't get an "A", I'm not gonna be top student.
I'm gonna be second best. I won't have the Wombat Hall of Fame.
I won't have the honey ham.
You know how sweet a honey ham tastes when you're number one?
Ren, I'm... I'm gonna go get that ice. Yeah.
(HEAVY SIGH)
The worst part about it
is that if I don't get an "A"...
I'm gonna let down everyone who believes in me.
What? Because you're not perfect?
Basically.
Ren, come on. I mean, that's a lot of pressure.
Oh. (SCOFFS) I can handle it.
Ren, can I ask you a question?
- Go ahead. - Okay.
You've been my sister basically all my life, right?
That's just brilliant, Louis. What's your point?
You ever... want to be normal?
Normal? What do you mean, normal?
Well, you're always trying to be perfect at everything.
What's wrong with being perfect?
It's not normal.
MR. RUPERT: Ren!
I'm ready for you.
Go ahead.
- I'm going. - Yeah, go ahead.
This is it.
LOUIS: Hey, Ren!
Good luck. I hope you get what you want.
MR. RUPERT: Let's see, now...
Uh-huh.
Okay.
(DOOR CREAKS)
You might as well join us.
Ren, we are here for you totally.
- Totally. - WEXLER: Totally.
(CLEARING THROAT) Carry on.
Well, Ren, your stool is structurally sound.
But we have to see if it'll pass my marble test.
Now, if the marble doesn't roll
and the stool is perfectly level,
you will get your "A".
Oh, no!
You know, Ren, uh, there's been a lot of seismic activity
in the area.
I'm not so sure this floor is perfectly level.
So, allowing for a margin of error...
I don't see why you can't get...
your "A".
- Yeah! - (GIRLS CHEERING)
People, people, the marble rolled.
Mr. Rupert, I really appreciate what you're trying to do,
but we both know that this isn't "A" work.
And I would really like...
to know the grade that I deserve.
B-minus.
Oh, but, Ren what about your perfect record?
(SCOFFS) What about it?
You know, I'm really tired of being perfect.
It's been driving me crazy.
- Nobody is perfect. - You are.
No, I'm not.
I'm just a kid who works hard and tries to do her best.
If you guys want to admire me for that, that's really cool.
But other than that, I think you should just back off.
- She's got a temper. - Major.
Principal Wexler, Mr. Rupert, thank you for everything.
Right now...
I'm going to go be normal.
Let's go party at the Casa de Fiesta.
Jumping up and jumping down At the Casa de Fiesta.
Party, party all night long.
At the Casa de Fiesta.
Pick you up and spin you around.
- At the Casa de Fiesta. - Come on!
Hey, Ren.
- Oh, hey! - LOUIS: What are you doing here?
Oh, I'm just hanging out having a good time being normal.
Isn't that right? I'm being normal.
Ren, you're talking to a piñata. That's not so normal.
- REN: Come here. - Hey, guys, this is Ren!
Hey, Ren, Ren, Ren, meet the mariachi guys.
- Hi! - This is Ernesto.
Ernesto, nice to meet you.
- And Manuel. - Hi!
Manuel!
Fiesta Party, party all night long...
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
Stevens!
Stevens, I'm closing you down! This party is over!
(RUMBLING)
(CLAMORING)
- That was a heck of a party. - Yes, it was.
Stevens.
You're not getting my matador. None of you!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)