(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
(SLURPING)
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)
(EXPLOSION)
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Donnie! What is going on?
Oh, yeah, that's, uh, Louis's new band.
Lou has a band?
He can barely play the radio.
- (GLASS SMASHES) - That kid's got potential.
My Sacramento girl.
-She screams, yeah -Louis!
Guys, I'm going to pump up the bass, okay?
REN: Are you trying to bring down the house?
That's the idea, Ren.
It is too loud.
Artie!
Artie, chill out. Take five, okay?
Good night, Sacramento. We love you.
Guys, I have a killer algebra test tomorrow.
- What are you doing? - Hey, Ren?
I'd like you to meet The Alan Twitty Project.
We've got Mr. Artie Ryan on the bass.
(PLAYS RIFF)
And on drums, we've got Andy Blaine.
(PLAYS RIFF)
And on lead guitar... (PLAYS RIFF)
That'd be me. I'm Alan Twitty.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Oh, yeah, and then, uh, our manager...
my friend, and your little brother, Louis Stevens.
Thank you, thank you so much.
- You're the manager? - Yes, it's my basement.
Ah! Well, what's in this for you?
Only to fulfill the dreams of my boys...
(VOICE ECHOING) my boys... my boys...
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
Thank you.
Um, I proudly accept this award as Band of the Year,
and I'd like to thank...
these two lovely ladies.
And there were some other people involved, but, uh...
Um, thank you guys, too.
For what?
Uh, nothing.
Nothing, uh, let's do another rehearsal
for our, uh, big audition, okay?
Audition? What do you mean? Like for a gig?
Well, yeah, dude. What do you think we're doing down here?
Just playing music and having fun and drinking sodas?
Well... yeah.
Twitty, get real, dude. This the music business.
I got Donnie to hook me up with his friend Jason Bagwell
who's throwing this really big party on Saturday
and he needs a band, so I got him to let us try out.
Oh, we're going to rule!
Why would some high school guy want some junior high kids
to be performing at his party?
Because we rock.
And we'll work for nothing.
For nothing.
Would somebody please hose him down?
You guys just live the fantasy, okay?
Keep it down to a sonic boom.
Yeah, thanks for your support, Ren.
Anytime, Louis.
We're going to nail that audition, men.
Not without a lead singer.
Oh, yeah, see... I got us covered.
(SURF GUITAR TUNE PLAYS)
(BURPS)
Excuse me?
Pardon me?
Could you please keep your spiked combat boots off Mr. Pookie?
He's very sensitive.
Hey, Ren. Uh...
please, uh, look over these lyrics
and we'll be with you in a second, okay?
I want my house back.
Combat boots...
Okay, that's it. We eat on that counter.
Hey, Ren. We're just, uh, practicing our handstands.
- (EXHALES) - That's a good job.
Oh, Jason's on the, uh, gymnastics team with me.
- REN: Oh. - Jason, this is my sister, Ren.
Ren's a cool name. Nice to meet you.
(CHUCKLES)
Dreaming, dreaming about you, girl
'Cause you're the only one for me.
Dreaming, dreaming about you, girl
'Cause our love was meant to be.
You can let go now.
Huh?
You can let go now.
Oh, um, I'm sorry.
You have a really nice, steady, um... pulse there.
Um, so you're, uh...
you're, uh, party guy Jason, huh?
Yeah, it's gonna be a real blowout.
JASON: Maybe I'll see you there.
Well maybe you will, 'cause you never know...
'cause I might go, and yeah! That would be really cool.
Well, I've got to roll. So, talk to you later.
- Yeah, all right, man. - Bye, Ren.
Ta-ta!
(GIGGLES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
"Ta-ta"?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- What? - Forget it, Ren.
I don't want my sister going to a high school party.
That's not fair.
Louis gets to go, and he is way younger than me.
No, Louis gets to go if his band gets the gig...
and that's a big "if."
The band...
Yeah
(SINGING OFF-KEY): Sacramento girl.
She screams, yeah
(SINGS BADLY) Follows me around at the mall.
Can't stop her staring at study hall Yeah
(WHINING): My Sacramento girl.
She screams, yeah
(BURPS)
Before I met that girl, I had it made.
Now she scores higher than the whole arcade.
Yeah.
Go and set me free.
Okay, uh... let's discuss our choices.
I think they're all vomitatious.
Artie, can, can we at least be positive, huh?
Can we enjoy the journey, please?
Dude, we're never gonna get this gig without a lead singer, okay?
Am I too late to audition?
Don't look at her. She'll turn us all to stone.
I just was wondering if I could help you guys
get that job at that guy's party.
What's his name?
Jason Bagwell.
Ah... whatever.
Dude, Louis, this is perfect, man.
Ren is a great singer.
I don't care. Only bad can come of this.
Bye-bye.
- No, no, wait! Wait! - No, wait, wait!
Come on, Louis. Come on.
- 'Cause we want you to stay. - She's great!
- It's just Louis doesn't want you... - She's your sister!
Okay! Fine, fine, you can audition.
Okay.
Hit it, boys.
(UP-TEMPO ROCK INTRO)
Yeah!
A Sacramento girl.
She screams, "Yeah!"
Follows me around at the mall.
Won't stop her staring in study hall Yeah.
My Sacramento girl...
Hey, you guys, it sounds really good
but, the next time, maybe we could
- pick up the tempo a little bit. - Yeah, turn it up, with the vocals...
What is this? What is this?
Pick up the tempo? What is this?
You're talking like you're already in the band.
Dude, she is. I mean, who was better?
That, the...
freak dancer guy.
He was good. He was good.
He was very talented, until he had to go potty.
Louis, we don't have a shot without her.
Fine. You're officially in the band.
- Yes! - But under one condition, okay?
- I'm the boss, right? Right? - REN: Oh, absolutely.
- So, if I say, "Jump," you say... - "How high?"
Right. I wasn't thinking... It's a great answer, though.
The bottom line is that I'm in charge.
Absolutely.
(HARD ROCK TUNE PLAYING)
I know I shouldn't be surprised.
Ren is Ren, you know?
Uh, taking over is what she does.
(CLEARS THROAT)
But not this time, my friend.
No, not without a fight.
(KNOCKING)
LOUIS: Yeah, yeah.
Uh, what's the password?
TWITTY: You called us, man. What's the big secret?
Right, uh, that's close enough.
LOUIS: Come in.
What's going on?
Little band council.
If you, uh, sit down, then I'll tell you about it.
(SIGHS) Is this going to take long?
I mean, Ren gets really cranky when we're late.
Aha, you see? That's what I'm talking about.
Ren has taken the whole idea of a band
and she's transformed it.
Yeah. Not to mention what she's done with your hair, man.
You look like Sisquo.
The way I see it
is there can only be one guiding force in a band,
and that's me.
Now, I'm... I'm tough, but I'm fair, and you know that.
So... it's... it's, uh, voting time.
Hmm? Ren in or Ren out?
You know, this is a tough choice.
I mean, Louis is my best friend, and he's right.
Ren can be really pushy.
But, when it comes down to the moment of truth,
I know what I have to do.
I kind of like my hair.
Of course, my dad freaked out when he saw it.
I'm not allowed to use the blender for two weeks.
I guess that's kind of Ren's fault.
Ren in or Ren out?
Wha... Guys, that really wasn't one of the choices.
Dude, I'm sorry. I mean, Ren's singing really helped the band
and... and we're friends and all
but like you said, it's the music business.
Right. Business.
The band has spoken.
Maybe I explained this whole voting thing wrong.
Turkey and peanut butter.
When life deals you a hard hand,
there's nothing like a big stack of "Gooey Gobblers."
Eww!
That is the most disgusting combination I have ever heard of.
Yeah, is it more disgusting than me getting thrown out of my own band?
The guys told me what happened.
You tried to get me thrown out and then your plan backfired on you.
That may be true but I still don't understand
why you wanted to be in that stupid band anyways.
(KNOCKING)
- Knock, knock? - Jason, hi.
- Louis. Came by for Donnie. - Hey, bro.
We're going to head over to the gym
and see who can hang longer on the rings.
Oh, I'll get him... don't worry about it.
(SCREAMING) Donnie!
(CLEARS THROAT)
- Little brothers can be so boisterous. - JASON: Yeah.
Do you want something to eat?
Ooh! I never say no to a "Gooey Gobbler."
- Ren... Why don't you join me? - Uh...
Great. (GIGGLES)
Yummy! (LAUGHS)
So...
how are your party plans coming?
They're coming together, but it's tough.
I like things to be, you know, exactly right.
I so admire that.
Maybe because I'm the same way.
Oh!
Uh, Donnie told me that you can't make it.
That's too bad.
Actually, I may be with the band.
Really? You're with Louis's group?
Cool.
So, you guys ready for the big audition?
Well, you should probably know I'm no longer associated
with the, uh... Alan Twitty Project.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
Why, what happened?
Well, uh... you know the music business.
You really can't trust anybody
and sometimes that knife in your back is from the person
who's closest to you, right, Ren?
You want something to wash that down with, don't you?
- He doesn't want any... - Yeah.
Are you trying to embarrass me?
- You like that Jason guy, huh? - What?
Yeah, yeah, now it all makes sense.
Donnie wouldn't let you go to the party
- so you had to get in my band. - That is ridiculous.
No, it all makes sense now but it doesn't matter
'cause you're never gonna get to that party.
Really? And why not?
'Cause I'm coming out with a hot new band. Mm-hmm.
Okay. Bring them on, delusion lad.
My band's going to blow your band out of the water.
(BELL RINGS)
Louis, you don't have a band.
These little details are killing me.
You know, there's a new software out
that makes musicians totally obsolete.
Like you don't have to know how to play instruments to make music?
Louis, in a few hours
I can create a full orchestra right on my hard drive.
Ah, get out of here.
Are you serious?
You're a genius, Tom.
(CHUCKLING)
I know.
I just wish I had social skills.
Well, uh, now we need a lead singer.
LOUIS: Tawny?
Mm. I don't sing.
I know, but you could recite your poetry.
I can run it through the voice processor
and totally integrate it by pulling up
the dominant binaural matrix.
Can you dance to it?
I can raise the roof.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYS)
Oh... that's enough, Tom.
(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)
Dreaming, dreaming about you, girl
'Cause you're the only one for me.
Dreamin'... ARTIE: Ren, Ren, Ren...
Earth to Ren...
Are we rehearsing or what?
Uh, yeah, okay, yeah, I'm sorry.
Uh, listen, we have this big audition tomorrow
and we still have a lot of work to do.
So, in three, two, one...
(LOUD SYNTHESIZER BEAT)
TAWNY: The sandals of my soul.
Go flip-flop, flip-flop.
The bunny in my brain goes hip-hop, hip-hop.
The rain in my skull goes drip-drop, drip-drop.
The horsey in my heart goes clip-clop, clip-clop.
Flip-flop, hip-hop, drip-drop, clip-clop.
Love... (LAUGHING)
What is this?
This is The Louis Stevens Experience.
The only thing Louis Stevens is going to experience is pain.
Oh, I don't know, I kind of like their sound. It's pretty cool.
- Do you think so? - TWITTY: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait. It is not cool, because it's spiteful.
The only reason he started a band is so we can't play at Jason's party.
Yeah, yeah, no I say we stop this whole fighting thing
and we take his band, The Louis Stevens Experience,
mix it with my band, The Alan Twitty Project,
and we'll have this whole
super-band thing going on,
you know, like, uh, Crosby, Stills and...
- that other old guy. - No. I'm not going to work with her.
Well, then fine... I can't work with him.
LOUIS: Yeah.
- Let's go, guys. - LOUIS: Bye.
Okay, Louis, look.
(SIGHS) Twitty is right about you and Ren.
I mean, I feel like we're all just pawns
in some kind of sick power struggle.
I agree.
Not that I'm not enjoying it.
Guys, it's just some simple, friendly competition
between brother and sister
in which the brother will crush the sister
like the bug she is!
(SIGHS)
Tom, hit it, hmm?
Kick it!
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
Louder!
Turn it up!
Louder!
Ladies and gentlemen,
any band that wants to play at a Jason Bagwell party
must be evaluated
on the Jason Bagwell Band Evaluation Form.
Now, I will be judging you on:
musical ability,
delivery,
rhythm... Who does this clown think he is?
Shh! Jason Bagwell's speaking.
Emotion,
timing,
style...
smile,
hair...
skin tone...
and cuticles.
Okay.
Show me what you got.
My heart is beating wild and crazy
I can't speak when I look at you.
My tongue gets tired And my mind is hazy.
Heyyyy.
JASON: Okay.
Uh, next up, The Louis Stevens Experience.
Thank you.
Um, I'd just like to say what an honor it would be
to play at a Jason Bagwell party, sir.
Stop sucking up, and play.
Hit it, boys.
(TECHNO MUSIC PLAYS)
The sandals of my soul go flip-flop, flip-flop.
The bunny in my brain goes hip-hop, hip-hop...
(HISSING)
Hip-hop, bunny in the brain...
- (BEEPING) - What is that?
Best guess?
My hard drive's melting down.
Can you fix it?
- Yeah, I only need one thing. - LOUIS: What's that?
A credit card.
It'll be about 600 bucks.
Oh, no! Give me this.
- I can't lose to them, okay? - No...
What a finish.
Okay... (GROANS) let's get this over with.
Let's see, The Alan Twitty Project.
Mm... not up to Jason Bagwell standards.
Dude, what's your problem?
Well, for one thing, the playing lacked precision
and the singing, it...
What's wrong with my singing?
Look, the vocal quality is fair, but Ren...
you're trying so hard to impress me, it's almost pathetic.
LOUIS: Wait a second.
My sister doesn't have to impress anybody.
And she might be a bossy, overachieving, bathroom hog
but my sister is a great singer.
Who wants to play at your lame party anyways?
Well, obviously not The Louis Stevens Experience.
You got straight zeros!
And Louis, what kind of a doofus are you?
That's-that's not a band. That's a fire hazard.
Back up!
The only person that's allowed to call my brother a doofus is me!
Yeah, that's right, bag boy
and if I'm a doofus, I want to hear it from her.
You may look good on the beach
but in reality, you're just a pompous, egotistical jerk!
I never went to the beach with you.
And you never will!
I'm out of here.
You know, I can't believe I almost had a crush on that guy. (SCOFFS)
Almost?
Hey, you know you guys can battle this whole thing out
but, uh, I'm packing it up.
Listen, if this whole band thing's over,
I'm going back to my first love, figure skating.
Guys, wait, wait, wait.
If you guys are still up for that super-band thing,
I think I can get us a gig.
Hello!
Yes, ladies and gentlemen let me have your attention.
Can you stay off the towers back there, please.
Off the towers!
Um, I'd like to introduce...
The Twitty-Stevens Connection!
(APPLAUSE)
(ROCK INTRO PLAYS)
Stop, don't go.
There's something you've got to know.
Can't you see the hold you have on me.
That look, your smile Oh, it drives me wild.
And I don't know how to escape it.
When you walk into the room.
My heart's beating wild and crazy
I can't speak when I look at you.
My tongue gets tired, and my mind is hazy...
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)