(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
(ALARM CLOCK RINGING)
(SLURPING)
(BUZZING)
(EXPLOSION)
REN: Friday. Saturday. No, Saturday...
Oh, my gosh. If I switch math club with yearbook
then all I have left on Tuesday is...
"trim unsightly nose hair."
Louis!
What did you do? Put mayonnaise in her moisturizer?
No. You know what, that's a good idea though, Mom. Thank you.
Honey, I have great news.
Councilman Mackenzie is looking for an intern.
Oh, I think you would be just perfect for this.
He's expecting your call.
Oh, mom, I'd love to,
but my schedule's really busy right now.
Oh.
No, honey, look, you have Tuesday
from 4:30 to 6:00 available.
Good eye, Mom.
Oh, honey, unless you think you're too busy...
No, no, no. I can handle it.
- You sure? - Yeah.
Aw. You are so ambitious.
- I am... mwah... so proud of you. - (CHUCKLING)
You just remind me of someone. Let me th... Oh, me.
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS)
(SCREAMS)
- Was that you? - No.
- Yeah. - Huh.
I... was looking for my ski jacket.
Your ski jacket, huh?
That's funny 'cause it's 80 degrees outside.
Did I ask for a weather report? I don't think so. Get off my back!
Hmm.
Now, since it's my turn
to cook our international delicacy du jour,
I have chosen this traditional Vietnamese meal.
You already have your... (SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE)
- (ALL REPEAT) - Very good.
Now we will start with the sticky rice.
- ALL: Sticky rice. - Sticky rice. Very good.
Bon appétit, everybody. Or, as they say in Vietnam...
- (SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE) - (ALL REPEAT)
Very good.
STEVE: So, uh, Don...
any luck finding that trig tutor?
Yeah, I'm working with this guy Russell online.
That's good, honey because trig can be very sticky...
Icky... Uh, tricky. (LAUGHS)
Yeah, I found him at this website...
(DOOR OPENS)
(SIGHING) Hi.
Hi. Sorry I'm late. I was...
- Oh, honey, I know where you were. - You do?
EILEEN: Well, of course.
Today was your meeting with councilman Mackenzie.
Right. Right. (CHUCKLES) Right.
So, how did it go?
- Did you get the internship? - Mm, mm-hmm.
- Oh! Isn't that great? - Way to go.
Congratulations, Ren.
- This is great food, Dad. - STEVE: Thank you.
Oh, lookie...
Ren's shedding.
- Put in my hat... - Give me that!
Ren, why do you have a yellow feather?
Oh, Mom, you know what?
Do you remember that...
priceless ceramic cat that just disappeared from the bookcase?
- Captain Whiskers? - REN: Yeah.
- You found him? - REN: Mm-hmm.
I found his dismembered little broken body
wrapped in beach towel in the basement.
I didn't do it.
All right, I did do it. I'm sorry, I did do it.
- Oh! - It was really an accident.
I accidentally hit it over the shelf with a foam dart.
(GASPS)
The thing was evil, Mom. It was evil.
It's beady little eyes followed me wherever I went.
Didn't you read the family memo about foam darts in the living room?
Yeah.
I loved Captain Whiskers.
- Donny. - Don't.
Son...
- Look what you did. - EILEEN: That's it.
You are grounded for the weekend.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(REN SPEAKING IN JAPANESE)
Hey, Stoolie,
why are you speaking in Japanese?
Why were you spying on me?
I wasn't. I was walking through the hall.
Well, just stay out of my business.
Or Mom's going to know the whereabouts
of Captain Whisker's little friend, Sherlock Bones.
Also evil.
So, uh... why you freaking out, huh? You hiding something?
(GASPS)
That's ridiculous. Why would I be hiding something?
(SUSPICIOUS MUSIC PLAYS)
Ren is up to something. The question is: What?
Well, she's a girl and girls do weird things.
- Yeah. - Hey, that's a great song title.
(SINGING) Girls do weird things.
This is what we got: A mysterious yellow feather;
Japanese phone call;
In the closet.
(GIRL SCREAMS)
Yes, I got it. Okay, look...
Big bird, feather.
Big bird was on the run from Japanese spies, right?
When Ren found big bird in our closet.
(LOUD CLATTERING)
Louis, forget it, okay? You are never going to bust Ren.
You know, Ren gets me every time I do something, okay?
And now, little Miss Perfect's been running around the house all weird,
and it's payback time.
(SINGING) It's payback time it's payback time
I'm gonna show you something...
(SINGING) I'm gonna show you something
I'm gonna show you Get out of my house.
(SINGING) Get out of Louis's house
Louis is cool.
(SINGING) Louis is a big nerd He is the biggest nerd.
Thank you.
This guy's a genius.
Hey, son, how's it going? That online trig tutor helping you out?
Dad, this guy is so smart.
But not so good with the social skills.
- Really? - The kid's a sophomore in college
and he's never been on a date.
Well, some of us are late bloomers, you know?
Well, since he's helping me with trig, I said I'd help him out with the girls.
- That sounds like a good idea. - Yeah.
Take him to a roller disco. That's where I met your mother.
Dad, that place closed, like way back in the '80s.
- Really? - Yeah.
Huh, seems like only yesterday.
Juice Newton was playing with the Queen of Hearts...
and so was I.
Well, I'm gonna hit the showers.
- Dad, wait! - What?
I'll need that shirt for school.
(SCOFFS)
"You left your tighty-whities in gym class. Coach Tugnet."
Hey, there. You're Ren Stevens' little brother, right?
The name... The name's Louis.
Yeah, it says so right on his underwear.
- No, no, this isn't... - Whatever.
Just tell your sister I said thanks
for referring me to councilman Mackenzie.
I got the internship.
She got the internship?
Hey, you guys, what's up? How are you guys doing?
(SPY MUSIC PLAYS)
Another test...
(DOG BARKING)
Oh, little puppy.
Oh, no, you don't do... No, bad.
That's not good.
- LOUIS: Thank you. - Oh, thank you.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Ha! This place is cool.
Why is Ren here?
Up next on the mic we have the vocal sounds of Isis.
"Isis"?
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Is... Ow!
(SINGING) You can dance, you can jive.
Having the time of your life.
Ooh, see that girl.
Watch that scene Digging the dancing queen.
Friday night and the lights are low.
Looking out for a place to go...
Oh, Ren. Ren...
you know I'm going to hold this over your head for all eternity.
Anybody could be that guy
(LIP SYNCING ALONG)
The night is young and the music's high...
And I couldn't believe my eyes, man.
She was up on stage, she was wearing a wig
and she was singing old songs like our parents like.
Do you think my band could play there?
You know, it could be our first gig.
(SINGING) Girls do weird things.
No. Don't you realize what I'm saying?
Angelic little Ren is lying about her internship.
So, are you going to rat her out?
Oh, you mean like she did to me?
No, no. That's letting her off way too easy.
'Cause you know what? Torture lasts much longer.
Dude, you're starting to scare me.
(GROANS)
Wh... (GASPS)
(GROANS, GASPS)
All right, class, repeat after me:
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
Ren Stevens, report to room 109.
CLASS: Ren Stevens, report to room 109.
(LAUGHING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BAND PLAYING DISCO MUSIC IN DISTANCE)
(LOUIS HUMMING)
Javier, that's your cue!
- What are you doing? - Oh. Isis.
What did you call me?
I said, "Hi, sis."
I want to speak with you outside now.
Okay. Uh, take five, fellas.
What?
- Ow. - Why were you playing that song?
It's a good beat. It's a real toe-tapper.
Do you think you're funny? I don't. Nobody does.
In fact, we all feel sorry
for you because we're out living busy, productive lives,
and you have... Oh, I don't know, nothing!
So just back off, nothing boy!
EILEEN: Louis, tonight is your turn
for our international delicacy du jour.
Mm-hmm. About that, Mom...
I was thinking that it might be nice
to see a demonstration of authentic Japanese cooking
right at our table.
I generally don't like strangers with sharp knives in the house.
No, no. I was thinking maybe we could go out to eat.
To, like, Tokyo Rick's.
That way we could get a sense of the environment
and the culture and stuff.
Well, it might be nice.
All right. I do love a good yakitori.
- Oh, yeah. Who doesn't? - (EILEEN CHUCKLES)
- Okay, honey. Bye-bye. - Love you.
(HUMMING DISCO MUSIC)
REN: Whatcha doing?
Why do you care? I'm just a nothing boy, right?
Not true.
I'm sorry about what I said.
- What? - I said I'm sorry.
- What? - Sorry!
I just can't hear enough of that. (CHUCKLES)
Let me help you.
- Give me that. - I got it.
Look, I know I haven't been very nice to you lately...
No, you've been too busy acting weird.
Don't worry. That's just a little ammo for the bus ride.
I know you know what I've been doing And I just want to explain.
Okay. Well, I'm all ears.
Ruff!
Well, I've been really overwhelmed lately...
with all my meetings
and the school paper and my homework.
You know when you're trying to juggle all of your activities?
Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I hang out at school and I do nothing.
Then I hang out at the house and do nothing.
And it's really hard to keep my head on straight,
Seriously. I am not like you.
I'm not good at having fun. I felt I needed to add some fun
into my schedule to let off some steam.
So that's why you've been singing at Tokyo Rick's.
Shh.
I don't know how you caught me, but that's what I've been doing.
Instead of interning for the councilman.
Well...
actually...
I don't know, I'm kind of proud of you.
- You are? - Yeah.
And I think It's cool that you talked to me.
- Oh, hugs. - (LAUGHING)
- (WATER HISSING) - Moisture!
- Oh! - Sorry.
- LOUIS: Oh, no. - (CHUCKLES)
I knew you'd understand, Louis. And that's why I came to you
instead of Mom and Dad.
Mom and Dad?
Mom and Dad? Mom and Dad!
That's right, man. It's going to be a blast.
My tutor and I, we're gonna hit the town
- to get some girlies. - (KNOCKING ON DOOR)
I'm going to teach him Donnie's lessons in love.
All right, man, late.
- Oh, hi, there. - Bye, Mom!
- MOTHER: No sugar! - Of course not! Bye!
Hi. I'm Russell.
(STAMMERING) Whoa! You're a little kid, man.
Very observant.
Thanks.
However, despite my diminutive stature I mastered physics by age four,
I was fluent in seven languages by age six,
and I mastered all four years of high school in just three months
emerging triumphantly with a 4.6 grade point average.
May I please use your facilities?
I don't think we have any of those.
- Your restrooms? - Oh, you mean, the can.
Yeah. It's right over there, dude.
Hey, where's Mom and Dad?
- Uh, they left already. - What?
They told you to meet them at the restaurant.
No!
Who's the kid?
Um, this is Russell. (STAMMERING) He's my tutor.
This is the tutor?
Pleased to make your acquaintance.
(SIGHS)
So many jokes, so little time.
Let's go meet girls.
- What? - I must say I'm partial
to flight attendants.
Look, kid, the only place I'm taking you is to a moon bounce.
Exceptional!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Hey, over here, son!
- Hi. This place is great! - Yeah!
- Sit down. - Yeah, I know,
- but, uh, we gotta go. - What? Why?
'Cause of my soy sauce allergy. I have a soy sauce allergy.
And one piece of Teriyaki, I'm gonna swell up like a balloon.
And look at this.
I'm breaking out in hives. You see that one?
- That's a hive. - I don't see any hives.
They're invisible hives.
It's the worst kind of hives, I read in a book once.
Yeah. And they're eating me alive now.
(STAMMERING) And it hurts.
Louis... stop.
- We're staying. - Okay, yeah.
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
Wow, a show.
Hey, hey, I'll take this. Okay? Here.
- Louis! - Let me just set you up...
(SINGING) The time of your life Ooh.
See that girl Watch that scene.
Digging the dancing queen...
- (EILEEN CLAMORING) - STEVE: Son!
Would you sit down? We're trying to watch the show!
(SINGING) Friday night And the lights are low
Steve, doesn't that girl look just like...
Ren!
LOUIS: No! No, it's...
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look over here!
I'm salting myself. It's in my eyes.
Look at that. Look at it, it's a wound.
It's a wound.
Thanks, Louis. I trusted you.
Ren, we thought you were at your internship.
I haven't been going. I've been coming here to sing.
Okay. Not following.
I've been working so hard, I just needed to have some fun.
Yeah, yeah, she needed to have some fun 'cause, you know, she really works hard,
and, uh, she could use a break.
'Cause, you know, everyone could use a break.
Even I could use a break. Not that I work hard or anything.
But you know what? I could use one,
- because... - Enough.
I'm sorry that I lied to you.
Honey, why didn't you just tell me you didn't want the internship?
Because I didn't want to disappoint you.
Honey, we're not disappointed.
Everybody's got to blow off some steam every once in a while, go a little crazy.
- Really? - Really?
STEVE: Sure.
Remember during the playoffs when I went to the Kings game
with my body painted in the team colors
and ran around waving my giant foam finger?
- (LOUIS LAUGHS) - Actually, Daddy,
I tried to block that out.
Well, what Daddy means is that...
every family deserves a dose of wacky sometimes.
How about now?
- Nutty. - Cuckoo!
(GIGGLING)
Ren? Ren, let me explain something, okay?
Let me try to explain.
I did trail you, and torture you,
and tell on you, but this...
This was all before you were nice to me, okay?
And I did try to stop them from finding out. Honest.
So, you still mad at me?
- You know, I'm not. - (LOUIS CHUCKLES)
I'm actually relieved to get this all out in the open.
So you forgive me, right?
Yeah. I forgive you.
(BASS GUITAR STRUMMING)
(SINGING) Ain't got no trouble in my life.
No foolish dream to make me cry.
I'm never frightened or worried.
I know I'll always get by.
- I heat up. - Heat up
- I cool down. - Cool down.
When something gets in my way I go 'round it...
- (CHUCKLES) - Must be in the genes.
It is in the genes.
(SINGING) Gonna take it the way That I found it.
I got the music in me
I got the music in me.
In me.
I got the music in me
I got the music in me, yeah.
- Woo-ooh! - (HOWLS)
Feel it, Lou, feel the beat.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)