1 00:00:00,209 --> 00:00:01,502 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 2 00:00:01,835 --> 00:00:02,920 (ALARM RINGING) 3 00:00:11,929 --> 00:00:13,055 (SPRING BOINGS) 4 00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:14,914 (SLURPING) 5 00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,286 (ELECTRIC WHIRRING) 6 00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,706 (EXPLOSION) 7 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:49,967 Come on, mate. 8 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:52,219 - Put your back into it. - (LOUIS GROANING) 9 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:55,222 LOUIS: Wondering why I'm mowing captain kangaroo's front lawn? 10 00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:57,641 Well, believe it or not, it's kind of a simple story. 11 00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,310 What you need to know is that every year, my Dad's law firm, 12 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,895 Demming, Demming and Demming... 13 00:01:02,104 --> 00:01:03,438 No, they're not related... 14 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,315 They have their annual company picnic. 15 00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:08,527 And you know my family. We start preparing weeks in advance. 16 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:10,904 For me, next to getting my teeth drilled... 17 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,197 Well peeled, Renny. 18 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:14,700 LOUIS: it's the most miserable day of the year. 19 00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:17,119 Why? Because the highlight is a little event 20 00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,913 they like to call "the family decathlon." 21 00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,626 Good loft on those hops, son. 22 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:28,672 (WHISTLE BLOWING) Let's huddle up a second! 23 00:01:28,797 --> 00:01:30,966 LOUIS: Thanks to drive, determination, and teamwork 24 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,552 we've won the family decathlon two years in a row. 25 00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:36,179 Does my dad take it seriously? Now, that's like asking, 26 00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:37,889 "Did Shaq have a growth spurt?" 27 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:40,142 Wash in cold. Tumble dry. 28 00:01:40,726 --> 00:01:42,686 LOUIS: Now, some of the events are sort of normal. 29 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,896 Best Apple Pie, Sack Race... 30 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,233 Now, some of the events like, the Lady of the House Tree Climb... 31 00:01:48,358 --> 00:01:50,235 - (EILEEN GROANS) - Mom? 32 00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:51,945 LOUIS: Yeah, those are a little weird. 33 00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:53,864 (EXHALES) Time? 34 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,908 Uh, 11.6 seconds. 35 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,869 (GROANS) Huh! 36 00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,288 - Um, Mom... - (EILEEN HUFFING) 37 00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,874 -Mom, um, like I was saying, -Ow! 38 00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,877 Um, you know, it's the social event of the season, 39 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,670 and I really want to go. 40 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,381 - Honey, it's just a movie. - No, Mom. 41 00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:14,718 It's not just a movie. It's the new Jackie Chan film. 42 00:02:14,843 --> 00:02:18,221 In the first scene, he wipes out an entire evil army... 43 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:19,931 with one noodle. 44 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:23,852 Honey, I know you are not crazy about going to this picnic. 45 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,938 But... look. Look at your father. 46 00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:29,650 All right, Hoss! This is our year! 47 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:31,360 And what are we going to do? 48 00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:34,321 ALL: Threepeat! Threepeat! Threepeat! 49 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,490 - You see? - STEVE: Come on! 50 00:02:36,782 --> 00:02:39,368 Aw, sweetie, all year round he does everything for us. 51 00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,120 This is the only time he ever asks us to do anything for him. 52 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:45,040 - But, Mom, I want... - Besides, Louis, 53 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,334 you don't think we could win without you, 54 00:02:47,459 --> 00:02:48,960 - do you? - (SNICKERS) Yes. 55 00:02:49,544 --> 00:02:52,089 We could not... Crazy Legs. 56 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,300 - Don't start with the cra... - Crazy Legs. 57 00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:56,677 - Mom! - Crazy Legs. 58 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,200 - I'll go to the picnic. - (LAUGHING) 59 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:01,139 But I'm not doing that. Serious. No means no. 60 00:03:01,765 --> 00:03:03,392 (DISCO MUSIC PLAYS) 61 00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,560 (FEMALE SINGER SINGING) Boogie... 62 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,899 They call me Crazy Legs for my unusual technique. 63 00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:13,443 It's already bad enough you can't go to Jackie Chan, 64 00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:15,654 but you actually have to take this seriously. 65 00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,031 But Dad bought me a $400 racing spoon, man. 66 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,991 Aren't picnics supposed to be fun? 67 00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,717 - (RECORD SCREECHING, MUSIC STOPS) - Fun? 68 00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,453 Are you kidding? 69 00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,914 I have nightmares of showing up at the race naked. 70 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,208 And that's fine, it's just I don't have my spoon. 71 00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:30,544 - TAWNY: Then why do it? - Yeah, Louis, why? 72 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:34,548 Well, it's... It's hard to explain. 73 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:37,092 I'm... I'm a Stevens, and we have a motto: 74 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,472 "You dream it, you scheme it, and you cream it." 75 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:41,722 What... does that mean? 76 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:43,682 I don't know. 77 00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,642 Just give me my stupid egg, I'm going home. 78 00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,439 Hope that wasn't a $400 egg. (CHUCKLES) 79 00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,816 Okay. Look, forget the egg, Louis. 80 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,152 Your last name may be Stevens, 81 00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:57,696 but you're not like the rest of your family. You're just... 82 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,281 not. 83 00:03:59,448 --> 00:04:00,782 Yeah, I know. 84 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,744 It's a picnic. With some silly races. 85 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:06,329 If you don't want to do it, you shouldn't have to. 86 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,249 You know, you're right. 87 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,419 I'm gonna tell my dad tonight. 88 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,637 STEVE: If we swing wide around the pylon four, 89 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,014 I think we can cut the corner, 90 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:26,659 pick up maybe two and a half, three seconds on the back stretch. 91 00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,644 Good idea, Dad. We are going to pulverize them! 92 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:31,313 That's my little angel. 93 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:33,482 Remember, it's not just the three-legged race... 94 00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:34,816 BOTH: It's four! 95 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,651 - Let's get a protein bar. - Okay. 96 00:04:37,194 --> 00:04:38,403 - Right, left... - Uh, uh! 97 00:04:38,487 --> 00:04:39,613 - Wait. - Teamwork. 98 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,282 Right, left, right, left, right, left! 99 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:43,992 Good girl. How are you and Mom 100 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,081 - coming on your synchronized swimming? - Great. 101 00:04:46,203 --> 00:04:47,621 We are doing a salute to disco. 102 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:49,706 (SINGING) Staying afloat, staying afloat. 103 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,041 - Fantastic. - Mm-hmm. 104 00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,959 The whole family's pumped and ready. 105 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:55,504 - Well, Dad... - What's the matter? 106 00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:58,256 Dad, I'm worried about Louis. 107 00:04:58,799 --> 00:04:59,966 STEVE: Why? 108 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,805 Sometimes I don't think he's as into this as all of us are. 109 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,302 STEVE: Let me tell you something about Louis Stevens. 110 00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,476 You know, he learned to walk at six months. 111 00:05:10,352 --> 00:05:11,394 I'll never forget it. 112 00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,438 Your mom and I were in bed reading the paper. 113 00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,816 We thought Louis was in his crib, but no. 114 00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:18,318 Here comes old Lou waltzing in 115 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:20,237 like he owned the place, still in his diaper. 116 00:05:20,403 --> 00:05:21,988 Climbed right into bed with us. 117 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,491 Now, granted, he didn't speak until he was four and a half. 118 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:25,700 But the point is, 119 00:05:25,784 --> 00:05:27,494 - I knew that day... - (WOOD CREAKING) 120 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:31,998 That underneath that poopy diaper beat the heart of a lion. 121 00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:33,708 Oh! 122 00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:35,919 Whoa! 123 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:38,922 Right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left. 124 00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:41,800 - Son, are you okay? - (PANTING) I'm fine. 125 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,301 I came to tell you... 126 00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,471 I came... to tell you that I can't. 127 00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:48,181 Can't what? 128 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,017 Can't, uh... Can't, uh... 129 00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:55,438 wait. Can't wait to win the race tomorrow. 130 00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,359 Yeah! 131 00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:04,614 ANNOUNCER: (ON P.A.) In lane five, last year's third-place finisher, 132 00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,075 - Louis "Crazy Legs" Stevens! - (CROWD CHEERING) 133 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:09,953 ANNOUNCER: And in lane six, last year's champion, 134 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,538 Dudley "El Diablo" Demming. 135 00:06:11,913 --> 00:06:15,041 -(CROWD CHEERING) 136 00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,923 - How do you feel, son? - How do I...? I kind of feel like... 137 00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:24,926 Like I'm the only one in this race that knows their timetables. 138 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,262 Hey, these are some tough customers. 139 00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:29,306 Knock 'em dead. 140 00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,644 Good luck, mister. 141 00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:38,690 Quite a grip. 142 00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,067 (WESTERN THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 143 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,159 (WIND HOWLING) 144 00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,122 (RATTLING) 145 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,920 ANNOUNCER: Contestants, saddle your eggs. 146 00:07:01,671 --> 00:07:02,923 On your mark. 147 00:07:04,132 --> 00:07:05,342 Get set. 148 00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,055 STEVE: Go, Lou! Go Lou! 149 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,767 Pick up the pace, son! Come on, come on! 150 00:07:14,643 --> 00:07:16,186 (CROWD CHEERS AND APPLAUDS) 151 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,993 ANNOUNCER: Next up, the ladies' tree climb, 152 00:07:32,577 --> 00:07:34,079 Eileen Stevens. 153 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,956 (WOMEN MURMURING) 154 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:52,931 ANNOUNCER: Gentlemen, start your engines. 155 00:07:53,181 --> 00:07:54,641 (CHAINSAW ENGINE WHIRRING) 156 00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:03,733 (APPLAUSE, CHEERING) 157 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:13,201 ANNOUNCER: And the winner is, Louis "Crazy Legs" Stevens. 158 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,452 Yeah! 159 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:41,271 Thank you. 160 00:09:02,934 --> 00:09:05,103 (MUFFLED) 161 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,300 Ow! 162 00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,220 - Are you okay? - I think I just ripped a delt. 163 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,639 That was pretty rude. I'm eating. 164 00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,059 It's my shoulder, egg-boy. 165 00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,227 You guys, I'm worried about Dad. 166 00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,896 He'll be okay, honey. 167 00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:26,149 Steve, how about some potato salad? It's really good. 168 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,651 How can I eat when I know we're in second place? 169 00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,238 - REN: Who are the Dandridges? - STEVE: Porter and his wife Chippy. 170 00:09:32,989 --> 00:09:35,200 Just transferred here from Perth, Australia. 171 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,827 One event left, Stevens. 172 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:40,914 The father/son kayak race. 173 00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:44,167 That is, uh, if you mates are up to it. 174 00:09:44,459 --> 00:09:47,253 Hello, Porter. Speaking of mates... 175 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:48,671 You've met my wife Eileen. 176 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,799 - Hi. - G'day. 177 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,093 Fresh air, friendly competition. 178 00:09:53,176 --> 00:09:55,637 It's not about winning or losing, just a great way 179 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:57,972 for people in the office to get to know each other. 180 00:09:58,348 --> 00:10:00,266 Whatever you say, Stevens. 181 00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:02,727 QUINCY: Let's chew 'em up like a hungry dingo, Dad. 182 00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:04,011 - Dad. - (MOUTHING) Oh, my God. 183 00:10:04,896 --> 00:10:08,024 Of course my son Quincy might have other ideas. 184 00:10:09,192 --> 00:10:11,611 Hi. Ren Stevens. Do you like pie? 185 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,865 ANNOUNCER: All entrants in the father/son kayak race 186 00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:17,492 please proceed to the dock. 187 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:20,120 Quincy loves to row. Don't you, boy? 188 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,830 Rowing's my life. 189 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:23,331 (LAUGHING) 190 00:10:23,748 --> 00:10:25,917 Looks like you just rowed here from Australia. 191 00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:28,294 See ya out on the water. 192 00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:29,879 Or, uh... in it. 193 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:32,298 (LAUGHING RAUCOUSLY) 194 00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,175 (MOCKING AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) G'day. 195 00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:38,346 (CHUCKLES) What a nice family. 196 00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:41,290 (WITH ACCENT) Why don't we have them over and throw a shrimp 197 00:10:41,391 --> 00:10:42,976 - on the barbie. - Not. 198 00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,228 How you doing, son? 199 00:10:46,437 --> 00:10:48,064 (WITH ACCENT) Ah, ready to go, mate. 200 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,316 (GROANS) Maybe not. 201 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,819 Look, 202 00:10:53,278 --> 00:10:56,114 you're not risking further injury. It's just not worth it. 203 00:10:56,739 --> 00:10:59,117 I cannot believe our family is going to lose. 204 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,827 Oh, no. 205 00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,954 That's not going to happen. 206 00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,958 It all comes down to the father/son kayak race. 207 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:09,335 Everything. The title... 208 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:11,713 the fruits of victory. 209 00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,299 All I can say is, 210 00:11:15,091 --> 00:11:17,135 I'm glad I have two sons. 211 00:11:20,972 --> 00:11:22,098 Are you ready, Lou? 212 00:11:23,224 --> 00:11:24,309 Uh-uh. 213 00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,859 ANNOUNCER: And now, the final event 214 00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,527 for our two top-scoring families, 215 00:11:34,652 --> 00:11:36,613 the father/son kayak race. 216 00:11:37,739 --> 00:11:38,907 On your mark. 217 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,245 Get set. 218 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:46,915 Go! 219 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:49,792 (CLAPPING, CHEERING) 220 00:11:53,338 --> 00:11:54,547 Come on, Dad. 221 00:11:55,673 --> 00:11:57,717 So, uh, you getting nervous? 222 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:00,762 I guess not. 223 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:02,847 (CHEERING) 224 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,183 LOUIS: To understand what happens next 225 00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:07,018 you got to understand my dad. 226 00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:11,022 Now, for him, this is more than just some silly kayak race. 227 00:12:13,524 --> 00:12:15,818 Come on, Dad! I think you're ahead of him! 228 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,657 LOUIS: This race is a chance to prove what he believes in. 229 00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:24,911 That you can accomplish anything if you just put your mind to it. 230 00:12:25,370 --> 00:12:27,664 Go, Lou! You can do it, Lou! 231 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:35,046 - Go, Lou! - Atta boy, Quincy! 232 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:36,422 Paddle, paddle, paddle! 233 00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,591 LOUIS: And right now, I'd do anything I could 234 00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,551 to help him win this family decathlon. 235 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,721 And I mean anything, including cheat. 236 00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,390 Which I did. 237 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,476 (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS) 238 00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,777 That's right, I drilled a hole in Quincy's kayak... 239 00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,412 (INDISTINCT YELLING) 240 00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:10,290 LOUIS: A nd by the time we'd gotten to the middle of the lake 241 00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,750 he'd taken in enough water to slow him down. 242 00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:18,214 (CHEERING) 243 00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,633 - Yes! Yes! - Why's he slowing? 244 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:21,884 Go! Go! 245 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:25,305 LOUIS: I know, I know. Cheating isn't the Stevens way. 246 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,598 But winning? Well, winning is. 247 00:13:27,765 --> 00:13:29,517 I won! Ha-ha! 248 00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,146 Victory to Stevens! That's my Lou! 249 00:13:37,692 --> 00:13:39,027 (LAUGHS) 250 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:44,699 Pick him up! Pick him up! 251 00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:46,659 (CROWS CHEERS AND APPLAUDS) 252 00:13:50,038 --> 00:13:51,789 CROWD: (CHANTING) Louis! Louis! 253 00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,709 Louis! Louis! Louis! 254 00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,128 (CRICKETS CHIRPING) 255 00:13:57,587 --> 00:14:00,798 I would like to make a fondue toast to my little brother Louis. 256 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:01,924 - Nice! - Okay. 257 00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,384 - STEVE: Hear! Hear! - Louis, 258 00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,429 I know sometimes that I underestimate you. 259 00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:09,432 But, then, when I think of all the stupid things you mess up... 260 00:14:09,557 --> 00:14:11,597 I actually estimate you just right. Like, yesterday, 261 00:14:11,642 --> 00:14:14,270 - when you used Mom's shaver... - I thought you'd me a compliment. 262 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:17,523 What you did today was fantastic, and I am proud of you. 263 00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:18,983 - EILEEN: Mm-hmm. - Thank you. 264 00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:20,860 ALL: Hear! Hear! 265 00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:24,238 But, but all I did was reach for a little something extra, like dad said. 266 00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:26,532 Did I tell you? This kid has the heart of a lion. 267 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,202 - Roar. - (LAUGHING) 268 00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:31,871 And what better way to show you how proud we are 269 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:35,416 than with two boiling pots of cheese fondue? 270 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,504 Swiss or... (ECHOING) cheater? 271 00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:41,923 - What'd you just say? - Swiss or cheddar? 272 00:14:42,215 --> 00:14:43,716 (LAUGHING) Oh! 'Cause... 273 00:14:44,425 --> 00:14:46,552 'cause I thought you said, "Swiss or chea... 274 00:14:46,761 --> 00:14:47,970 "Chea... Cheddar... 275 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,515 "Cheddar," 'cause you said... You said that. 276 00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:53,184 (LAUGHING) Roar. Oh. 277 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:55,103 Virginia clobbers, Virginia tech... 278 00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:56,437 Big Lou. 279 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,606 Big bro, we got it done today, man. 280 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:01,150 Hey, you got it done today. Good job. 281 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:04,320 - It came from here. (SNICKERS) - Sweet, dude. 282 00:15:04,862 --> 00:15:07,281 This is cool, checking the scores with my big bro. 283 00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,866 And in the big duel in the desert, 284 00:15:08,991 --> 00:15:11,411 Arizona beat Arizona state, 35-14. 285 00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:13,704 They didn't have to cheat... 286 00:15:13,955 --> 00:15:16,958 (ECHOING) Cheat... Like you, Louis. 287 00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:21,087 (ECHOING) Cheater! 288 00:15:21,337 --> 00:15:22,505 What did he just say? 289 00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:25,049 Arizona beat Arizona state, 35-14. 290 00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:27,844 'Zona took it, man. Go, Wildcats! 291 00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,637 (BARKING) 292 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,950 - I got to go. - TV REPORTER: Indiana beat Purdue... 293 00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,726 Hey Louis, where are you going? We still have an hour of scores left. 294 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,437 I'm going to go have a lie-down. 295 00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:43,067 Of the big cats, the panther is in the same phylum, class, 296 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,279 order and family as the tiger, 297 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:50,491 but it's the genus that garners our attention today. 298 00:15:51,909 --> 00:15:53,703 - "Genus," of course... - (SNAPS) 299 00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,080 - (GROANS) - Hey are you okay? 300 00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,708 (STAMMERING) Yeah, fine... 301 00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:03,212 The only faster feline in that particular genus 302 00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,548 of course, would be... 303 00:16:07,175 --> 00:16:08,468 the cheetah. 304 00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:12,597 - Cheetah? - Cheater! Cheater! 305 00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:15,099 (ECHOING) Cheater! Cheater! 306 00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,143 Cheater! Cheater! 307 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:19,353 Cheater! Cheater! Cheater! 308 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:20,897 No! (SCREAMS) 309 00:16:21,439 --> 00:16:23,232 What do you people want from me? 310 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,734 I didn't do anything! 311 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:27,028 I didn't do anything! 312 00:16:28,821 --> 00:16:30,490 Of the smaller felines... 313 00:16:32,742 --> 00:16:35,495 Louis, both of my parents are psychologists. 314 00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:36,818 I know all about panic attacks. 315 00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,664 It wasn't a panic attack. 316 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:42,293 I think I might've... ripped a delt or something. 317 00:16:42,627 --> 00:16:45,338 Or... could it be that you're guilty about something 318 00:16:45,463 --> 00:16:48,341 and it's overwhelming your ability to do... anything? 319 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:51,385 "Guilty"? Right. Even if I was, 320 00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:52,762 which I'm not, 321 00:16:53,137 --> 00:16:54,764 I would do the healthy thing 322 00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,183 and keep it tightly bottled up inside of me. 323 00:16:57,683 --> 00:17:00,061 Louis, do you know the story of The Telltale Heart? 324 00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:01,771 No, but I bet you're gonna tell me. 325 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,397 It's by Edgar Allan Poe. 326 00:17:03,648 --> 00:17:05,525 It's about a guy who commits a murder 327 00:17:05,650 --> 00:17:07,777 and buries the body underneath his floor. 328 00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:11,239 Then, he starts hearing the sound of a beating heart. 329 00:17:11,906 --> 00:17:14,158 - La-di-da. (LAUGHS) - He tries to ignore it. 330 00:17:14,242 --> 00:17:15,243 (HEARTBEAT) 331 00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:16,911 But the beating just gets louder. 332 00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,621 And louder. 333 00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:20,831 He thought he committed the perfect crime. 334 00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:24,710 But the constant beating of the heart was driving him insane. 335 00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:27,213 - The guilt was too much. - (HEARTBEAT CONTINUES) 336 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,924 And, then, finally... 337 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:33,219 it got to the point where he would've given anything 338 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:35,054 - to make it go away. - All right! 339 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,056 God! I'm sorry! 340 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:39,100 I cheated at the picnic. 341 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,935 (SIGHS) 342 00:17:41,102 --> 00:17:43,604 (BASKETBALL BOUNCING) 343 00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,106 What are you doing? 344 00:17:45,523 --> 00:17:46,649 Give me the ball! 345 00:17:46,774 --> 00:17:48,276 - What? - Give me the ball! 346 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,070 You cheated in that stupid race? 347 00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,864 Are you serious? Dude, what'd you do like, 348 00:17:53,990 --> 00:17:55,783 glue your egg to the spoon or something? 349 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,911 No. Donnie ripped a delt thingy. And I was eating a cupcake. 350 00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:00,997 And everything was all screwed up. 351 00:18:01,122 --> 00:18:03,624 I had to go up against Quincy. What could I do? 352 00:18:04,292 --> 00:18:07,253 So... I drilled holes in his kayak. 353 00:18:10,965 --> 00:18:12,300 I got to go. 354 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,720 - What was he just...? - I have no clue. 355 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:19,390 (STEVENS FAMILY CHATTERING) 356 00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,060 (SILVERWARE CLINKING ON GLASS) 357 00:18:24,145 --> 00:18:25,313 (TALKING STOPS) 358 00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:29,650 I have an announcement to make. I passed a new bill today. 359 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,864 - STEVE: Aw, honey! - REN: Congratulations, mom. 360 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:34,488 Good job, Mom! You're the man. 361 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:35,781 (EILEEN LAUGHS) 362 00:18:36,073 --> 00:18:38,784 Guess what? I won the big Simpkins case. 363 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:41,078 - EILEEN: Oh... - Congratulations, Dad. 364 00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,874 Even with my bad delt, I ran a 4:04. 365 00:18:45,082 --> 00:18:47,084 STEVE: Aw, Donnie! Atta boy. 366 00:18:47,877 --> 00:18:49,754 And I aced my algebra quiz. 367 00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:51,881 STEVE: Ren, good for you. 368 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,343 - I cheated in the kayak race. - Hey, Lou, good news. 369 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:56,719 That's great. 370 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,591 - Did you hear what I said? - Of course we heard you. 371 00:18:59,722 --> 00:19:01,140 You said you cheated... 372 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,769 You cheated on the kayak race? 373 00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,730 I sabotaged Quincy's boat. 374 00:19:08,522 --> 00:19:09,649 Why? 375 00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,276 Well, I did it for the team. You know, our team, team Stevens. 376 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:13,778 Louis, I... 377 00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,156 Where do I start? 378 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,532 Wait a second, Dad. 379 00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:21,827 I have a confession, too. 380 00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:23,579 The old man in the badminton match 381 00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,247 was giving me a pretty good run. 382 00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:27,291 And, then, he hit one right on the line 383 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:28,793 and the ref called it out. 384 00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,254 And I didn't say anything. 385 00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:36,801 I deserved to rip my delt. 386 00:19:38,719 --> 00:19:40,846 REN: Okay. In the... 387 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:44,100 homemade apple pie contest, I... 388 00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:47,770 I used a store-bought crust. 389 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,358 I can't believe you kids cheated. 390 00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:53,901 Steve... 391 00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,696 (STAMMERING) It's not just the kids. I... 392 00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:59,281 Well, I was in such a hurry. 393 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,992 To climb that tree that I punched a squirrel. 394 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,453 - Mother! - Well, I mean, 395 00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:07,832 I know it's not cheating. But... it's really not very nice. 396 00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:11,711 I'm sorry, Dad. 397 00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,087 We all are. 398 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:15,881 It's not your fault, guys. 399 00:20:17,675 --> 00:20:18,843 It's mine. 400 00:20:19,468 --> 00:20:22,930 - Dad... - Dad... (FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING) 401 00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:34,442 (DOGS BARKING OUTDOORS) 402 00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:41,031 I don't mean to put so much pressure on you. 403 00:20:44,827 --> 00:20:46,954 I just wanted you to know what it feels like to... 404 00:20:47,663 --> 00:20:49,540 set out to do something, and, then... 405 00:20:50,291 --> 00:20:51,375 accomplish it. 406 00:20:58,841 --> 00:21:00,968 Now I wonder what I've actually taught you guys. 407 00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,180 You taught us that it's better to play fair and lose 408 00:21:04,346 --> 00:21:05,681 than to win by cheating. 409 00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,767 That's what you always taught me. 410 00:21:11,353 --> 00:21:12,438 Come here. 411 00:21:15,816 --> 00:21:18,027 - I love you, Lou. - I love you, too, Dad. 412 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:21,655 LOUIS: So, me and dad are cool. 413 00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:23,991 - (FELT RIPPING) - (GLASS CRASHING) 414 00:21:28,579 --> 00:21:30,664 LOUIS: But I still felt bad about cheating Quincy. 415 00:21:30,748 --> 00:21:32,917 So I challenged him to a rematch, 416 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:34,210 Fair and square. 417 00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:36,086 Loser does the winner's chores for a week. 418 00:21:36,212 --> 00:21:38,339 Finally. I was getting worried, mate. 419 00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,844 LOUIS: Needless to say, I got my butt kicked. 420 00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:51,018 And, boy, do those Aussies 421 00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:52,520 have a lot of yard work. 422 00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:53,645 (LAUGHS) 423 00:21:57,942 --> 00:22:00,582 QUINCY: You finish this up, mate, we'll give you a spot of lemonade 424 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:02,154 before you start on the hedges.