1
00:00:00,125 --> 00:00:01,627
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,003
(ALARM CLOCK RINGS)

3
00:00:13,889 --> 00:00:15,098
(SLURPING)

4
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:36,286
(LIGHTSABERS BUZZ)

5
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,206
(EXPLOSION)

6
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:47,756
- Please?
- No.

7
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,341
- Please?
- No!

8
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,592
- Please?
- No.

9
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,177
- Please?
- Okay.

10
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:54,221
- Really?
- (SCOFFS) No.

11
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:55,806
Oh, come on, Ren.

12
00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:56,974
Wait, wait, wait.

13
00:00:57,599 --> 00:00:58,767
(SIGHS)

14
00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,394
Well...

15
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:03,105
Wh... Wait, I live here, too.

16
00:01:05,938 --> 00:01:06,858
Ren.

17
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,110
(DOOR CLOSES)

18
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:12,531
- Ren. Why not?
- Louis,

19
00:01:12,656 --> 00:01:15,284
who wrote the grant to get money
to produce a TV news magazine

20
00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:16,743
- for the school?
- You did.

21
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:19,413
- And who is the editor and anchor lady?
- You are.

22
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:22,642
And whose little brother is gonna back
off because his big sister has one shot

23
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:24,626
to prove to Principal
Wexler that it's gonna work?

24
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,045
Uh, is... is this
a trick question?

25
00:01:27,838 --> 00:01:29,047
Think about it!

26
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,470
Hiya, Donnie.

27
00:01:35,887 --> 00:01:38,932
Do you know how many impurities
one carrot can pick up in its lifetime?

28
00:01:39,224 --> 00:01:40,267
No.

29
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:44,730
There's pesticides,
environmental pollutants...

30
00:01:45,981 --> 00:01:47,316
Bug doodie.

31
00:01:47,482 --> 00:01:49,151
- Yummy.
- See, according to...

32
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,777
Ren. Ren, Ren, Ren.

33
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:54,573
Um, I thought about it,
and it's not a trick question.

34
00:01:54,656 --> 00:01:56,783
- But I still can help you.
- I don't think so.

35
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,203
Donnie, can you talk to her?

36
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,539
'Cause she has all
this cool video gear,

37
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,333
and she won't let me near it.

38
00:02:04,583 --> 00:02:06,835
Lou, it's her
call. Deal with it.

39
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:12,507
- I can make you a comic masterpiece.
- See, that's the problem right there.

40
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:16,470
I take this project very seriously,
whereas you take nothing seriously.

41
00:02:16,553 --> 00:02:18,221
That's not true. That's not...

42
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:21,516
Oh, you think I need
to shave my pits?

43
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:25,437
- I rest my case.
- Oh, Ren, Ren, Ren. Come on.

44
00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:28,148
Just keep me away from
vegetables. I'll be fine.

45
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,986
Bro, as I get a little older,

46
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:36,156
I realize that there are adult
solutions to problems like these.

47
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,743
- So what do you do?
- I ask Mommy.

48
00:02:43,747 --> 00:02:45,123
Mmm, maturity.

49
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,752
(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

50
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,130
Whoa! Slo-mo karate.

51
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,049
You could probably
kick Grandma's butt.

52
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:57,469
- What, what, what, what!
- I'm mastering tai chi,

53
00:02:57,844 --> 00:03:03,141
the Chinese way to exercise
and relax at the same time.

54
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,728
Why isn't this
working? What's wrong?

55
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,272
It's the music.

56
00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,109
- (MUSIC STOPS)
- It's the wrong mood.

57
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,753
- Mom, can...
- I need to find something...

58
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:16,988
that will help me center myself
and free my consciousness.

59
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:19,491
I have bills to pass. I
have an election to run.

60
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,742
- Mom.
- What?

61
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,202
- I've got a problem.
- Oh.

62
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,454
Well, I'm sorry,
honey. Okay, what?

63
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:27,207
Well, Ren won't let me
on her TV news magazine,

64
00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,419
and she said it's
'cause I can't be serious.

65
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,254
Well...

66
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,714
Louis, in all fairness,

67
00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:35,632
have you ever been
serious with your sister?

68
00:03:36,591 --> 00:03:37,676
Let's see...

69
00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,847
I didn't goof on her when she
had that pimple on her nose.

70
00:03:42,013 --> 00:03:43,432
You called it a Rice Krispy.

71
00:03:43,682 --> 00:03:46,768
Well, that's 'cause it snapped,
crackled, and popped. (POPS)

72
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,104
Louis, if you want Ren
to give you a chance,

73
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:53,150
you have to approach it seriously
and give her a professional idea.

74
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,445
- So, I got to be serious?
- Yes. Oh...

75
00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,116
I have an exercise to help
you focus. Do this with me.

76
00:04:02,784 --> 00:04:04,536
(CHINESE GONG MUSIC PLAYS)

77
00:04:04,703 --> 00:04:08,999
It's called "golden
chicken stands on one leg."

78
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:16,631
I'm gonna do the "flaky biscuit
sits in the lawn chair," Mom.

79
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,302
Whoa! (THUD)

80
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,970
- Mom?
- EILEEN: I'm okay.

81
00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:44,075
- Lookay, it's pre-barfed.
- (LAUGHTER)

82
00:04:45,410 --> 00:04:46,578
Anyways, guys,

83
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:48,955
I need a serious issue
for Ren's news magazine.

84
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:51,833
How about we do a
behind-the-scenes look at my new band?

85
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,085
- LOUIS: Mm-hmm.
- The "Alan Twitty Project."

86
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:56,797
- You don't have a band.
- I do too have a band.

87
00:04:57,464 --> 00:04:59,984
Except that my drummer's
grounded, my bass player got left back,

88
00:05:00,133 --> 00:05:01,510
and my lead singer has mono.

89
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:02,928
(SNICKERS)

90
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,543
What's this whole thing about
you being serious, anyways?

91
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:07,265
I mean, it's so not you.

92
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,102
So you're saying I'm just some
goofball who can't be serious?

93
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:12,437
BOTH: Yeah.

94
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:13,605
Mm.

95
00:05:13,688 --> 00:05:15,440
Oh, we don't mean
that in a bad way.

96
00:05:15,732 --> 00:05:16,733
Right.

97
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,277
I'm gonna prove to you
and Ren and my mom

98
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,029
and everybody
that I can do this.

99
00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:24,074
'Cause there is a serious story
waiting to be told at this school.

100
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,244
And you know what? It's
probably right in front of my face.

101
00:05:38,046 --> 00:05:39,798
- (SIGHS)
- So?

102
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,259
Not bad.

103
00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,553
LOUIS (WHISPERING): Yes!

104
00:05:48,515 --> 00:05:49,558
Come in.

105
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,144
Hi, honey. Can I borrow a CD?

106
00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:55,689
I can't find the right
music for my tai chi.

107
00:05:55,772 --> 00:05:57,482
- Sure. Help yourself.
- Oh. Thanks.

108
00:06:00,318 --> 00:06:02,612
Are you all ready
for your TV debut?

109
00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:06,116
I'm going over the rundown
right now. If we do a good job,

110
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,826
we get to do a show every week.

111
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,287
Do you know how good
that's gonna look on my record?

112
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,872
I'm really proud of you, Ren.

113
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:16,793
The Limp Biscuits. Now,
that sounds relaxing.

114
00:06:18,086 --> 00:06:19,170
Oh, honey,

115
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,090
I really appreciate you
giving Louis a chance.

116
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,635
- You know, it means a lot to him.
- He actually had a pretty good idea.

117
00:06:25,719 --> 00:06:27,721
He's gonna interview
the cafeteria lady.

118
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:30,932
You know, find out what her
story is, show her human side.

119
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,268
I just hope he can
be serious about it.

120
00:06:33,351 --> 00:06:35,395
- (CHUCKLES)
- (LAUGHS)

121
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,480
Okay. Well, good luck.

122
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,441
- Thank you.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

123
00:06:41,276 --> 00:06:44,279
Hi. Live from the cafeteria,
this is Louis Stevens.

124
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,674
- (TV NEWS MUSIC PLAYS)
- (IN DEEP VOICE) Hi, and hello.

125
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:50,160
Welcome to <i>Nightline</i>.
Sitting in for Ted Koppel's hair,

126
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,037
I'm Louis Stevens.

127
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:55,582
(SQUELCHING)

128
00:06:55,999 --> 00:07:00,754
Hi. I'm Geraldo Stevens with a
serious report on fake mustaches.

129
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:04,591
(SCREAMS) Don't use crazy glue.

130
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:09,804
PRODUCER: Six,
five, four, three...

131
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,806
(TV NEWS MUSIC PLAYS)

132
00:07:12,015 --> 00:07:13,642
Hello. I'm Ren Stevens

133
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:16,394
<i>and welcome to the first of
what I hope will be many editions</i>

134
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,271
of the <i>Wombat Weport</i>.

135
00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:21,191
- (LAUGHTER)
<i>- "Report." Heh. The </i>Wombat Report.

136
00:07:21,608 --> 00:07:23,777
<i>Serious news for serious times.</i>

137
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,363
- (LAUGHTER)
- Chill, dimweed.

138
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:28,073
<i>Today, we have three</i>

139
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,908
exciting wive weports...

140
00:07:31,242 --> 00:07:34,371
<i>Live reports.</i> (CHUCKLES)

141
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:36,668
We'll go to Danika
Henderson in the parking lot.

142
00:07:36,790 --> 00:07:37,832
<i>Danika?</i>

143
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,418
Thank you, Ren.

144
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:44,089
Ever wonder what happens to the
fines you pay on overdue library books?

145
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:45,799
I have a shocking report.

146
00:07:46,424 --> 00:07:47,425
Thank you, Danika.

147
00:07:47,509 --> 00:07:48,989
We'll look forward
to that. We'll also

148
00:07:49,052 --> 00:07:51,304
<i>hear from Louis Stevens
in the cafeteria. Louis?</i>

149
00:07:52,055 --> 00:07:53,974
Thank you, Ren. I'll be
going behind the scenes

150
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,517
for an intimate conversation

151
00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:59,145
with a person we all see
everyday, but nobody really knows.

152
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,689
(SNIFFS)

153
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,566
Thank you, Louis.
We'll look forward to that.

154
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:07,320
But first, a report from
our sports guy, Artie Ryan.

155
00:08:10,365 --> 00:08:13,159
Oh, yeah! Alan
Twitty, nice shot.

156
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,246
- ARTIE: <i>How you doing?</i>
- TWITTY: <i>What's up, man?</i>

157
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,123
Let's go back to the big
game against Red Hill.

158
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:19,874
<i>The team is down by one.</i>

159
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,169
The clock is
ticking. Five, four,

160
00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:27,257
<i>three, two...</i> Twitty
stops, he shoots...

161
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:29,968
It's good! Score!

162
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,387
<i>Lawrence wins! Lawrence wins!</i>

163
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,390
<i>- Lawrence wins! Lawrence!
- Calm down.</i>

164
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,058
- <i>Lawrence!</i> (COUGHING)
- TWITTY: <i>Whoa!</i>

165
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,663
Dude, calm down, all right?
You're, like, gonna pop an eyeball.

166
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,814
Just deep breaths, okay? In...
(INHALES) And out... (EXHALES)

167
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:44,107
(LAUGHTER)

168
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,608
(ZAPS)

169
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,779
We've got one minute.
Kyle, remember,

170
00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:53,074
I need a 5.3 diffusion,
two tweenies and a pepper.

171
00:08:53,950 --> 00:08:55,618
(SIGHS) How about you?

172
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,038
- Are you ready?
- LOUIS: Absolutely.

173
00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,540
- TOM: Where are your questions?
- Right here, <i>amigo</i>.

174
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:02,542
Oh. How'd the pre-interview go?

175
00:09:02,834 --> 00:09:05,503
A pre-interview?
(SNICKERS) Tom, please.

176
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,589
If I knew the answers
to the questions

177
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,914
before I asked them, that'd
be pretty boring television.

178
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,219
So you're just gonna wing
it? Does Ren know about this?

179
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:16,598
Don't worry about it. Isn't that
how all the greats do it, Tom?

180
00:09:17,348 --> 00:09:18,475
No.

181
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:20,810
Oh.

182
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,480
<i>Let's just say it's the last
time I played without a cup.</i>

183
00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:24,606
<i>Excellent.</i>

184
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,067
<i>Oh, hey, uh, any final thoughts?</i>

185
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,445
<i>My band is still looking
for a bass player.</i>

186
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,489
Oh, hey, I play bass.

187
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:35,075
(LAUGHS)

188
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,911
Thank you, Artie, for
that insightful story.

189
00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:40,830
Now let's go live
to the cafeteria

190
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,833
for Louis Stevens'
special report.

191
00:09:44,334 --> 00:09:45,376
Thank you, Ren.

192
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:48,046
Now, we've all been
in the cafeteria line.

193
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:50,548
But what do we really
know about the people

194
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:53,718
who cook and serve the
so-called food we eat?

195
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:55,220
<i>Let's check it out.</i>

196
00:09:59,140 --> 00:10:00,016
<i>Guys!</i>

197
00:10:00,141 --> 00:10:01,518
- Come on!
- What is it?

198
00:10:03,111 --> 00:10:04,279
Oops.

199
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,692
Oh. Yes. Um, hi. Louis
Stevens, <i>Wombat Report</i>.

200
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,796
- I'd like to ask you a few questions.
- Excuse me?

201
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,113
- (THUMPS)
- Um...

202
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,448
Yes. Could you, uh,
tell us what it's like

203
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,659
- to be the cafeteria lady?
- Too busy.

204
00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,577
<i>- No talk.</i>
- LOUIS: <i>Could you tell us</i>

205
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,246
a little something
about your day?

206
00:10:21,496 --> 00:10:22,872
I stir pot.

207
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:27,043
Could you tell us
exactly what's in the pot?

208
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,503
Beans.

209
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:31,339
Louis, are you gonna
do something stupid?

210
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:34,425
<i>Aha! Pinto or navy?</i>

211
00:10:36,678 --> 00:10:37,971
Yes, you are.

212
00:10:38,221 --> 00:10:39,806
So answer me this.

213
00:10:40,348 --> 00:10:42,892
- What do you want from me?
- How about the truth?

214
00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,861
- ELSA: <i>Please leave my kitchen.</i>
- (LAUGHTER)

215
00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,897
Kitchen? Why? Are
you hiding something?

216
00:10:48,022 --> 00:10:49,816
Hot! It's hot here! Argh!

217
00:10:50,608 --> 00:10:53,153
Tom, tell him to wrap it up,
'cause this is just not working.

218
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:55,446
WOMAN: I have to
work. You need to go.

219
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,448
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Mm.

220
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,285
Is it true you once ran
out of chicken fingers

221
00:11:00,451 --> 00:11:02,162
and served human fingers?

222
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:06,166
- Why you say such lies?
- Lies? Lies?

223
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,876
<i>How do you explain this?</i>

224
00:11:08,042 --> 00:11:10,503
<i>- Huh? Huh?
- Get out! Out!</i>

225
00:11:11,296 --> 00:11:12,755
<i>- Out!</i>
- (LOUIS GROANS)

226
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:13,923
(ACTION MUSIC PLAYS)

227
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,217
Tom. Tom, are you
getting this? (SPUTTERS)

228
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:19,846
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

229
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:27,187
I'm under fire. I'll try to
stay on as long as I can.

230
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,063
<i>- Call for help!</i>
- (LAUGHTER)

231
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:30,899
TOM: <i>Oh, my God! She's a freak!</i>

232
00:11:30,982 --> 00:11:32,400
<i>Look at this freak!</i>

233
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,027
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

234
00:11:34,277 --> 00:11:35,778
(SHRIEKING)

235
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,530
(LOUIS SCREAMING)

236
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,199
(POTS AND PANS CLANGING)

237
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:41,618
Man down! We got a man down.

238
00:11:44,329 --> 00:11:47,207
I'm trying to get you out!
We're trying to get you out!

239
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:48,625
Watch out!

240
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,753
It's Foodzilla! Tokyo is doomed!

241
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,671
(LAUGHTER)

242
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,883
LOUIS: <i>Foodzilla!</i>

243
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,510
Back to you, Ren.
Hoped you liked it. Oh!

244
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,054
Foodzilla!

245
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:04,349
- Louis!
- (FIRE CRACKLING)

246
00:12:09,187 --> 00:12:10,855
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

247
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:12,982
(GASPS) There she is.

248
00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:15,026
She hated it. I'm
dead. I am dead.

249
00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:17,111
- That's it.
- Well, let's see.

250
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,823
- Uh, you could run.
- No. No. Useless.

251
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:24,994
Ren, I just saw Principal Wexler.
He said he really enjoyed the show.

252
00:12:25,161 --> 00:12:26,996
- And?
- And what?

253
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,416
Oh, I don't know. "And
your show was ridiculous,"

254
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:32,627
"and you're never get
into a good college,"

255
00:12:32,794 --> 00:12:34,462
or "and you're expelled."

256
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,923
Ren, I'm telling you, girl.
Everybody loved the show,

257
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:40,093
Especially your brother's
segment, now that was fun.

258
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,678
- Really?
- Really.

259
00:12:43,388 --> 00:12:44,514
Excuse me.

260
00:12:45,223 --> 00:12:47,392
- Congratulations.
- (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

261
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,768
Hey, Ren.

262
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:52,647
Louis?

263
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,400
(VOICE BREAKING) Will there be
pain involved? 'Cause I hate pain.

264
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,777
- Louis.
- Okay. Truthfully, I'm sorry.

265
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,196
I tried to be serious, but...

266
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,198
- I was dying out there.
- Louis.

267
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:04,826
Let's talk about
your next segment.

268
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,203
- Really?
- Really.

269
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,038
Really?

270
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:13,793
I was thinking you could do a
whole series of intimate portraits...

271
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:17,088
The school nurse, the
gardener, or the football coach.

272
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,673
How about him, the custodian?

273
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,883
- Mr. Gordon?
- Right, Mr. Gordon.

274
00:13:21,384 --> 00:13:23,344
Well, I guess you
could trash him.

275
00:13:25,013 --> 00:13:26,806
You get it? Trash?

276
00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,017
He's the custodian!

277
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,102
- Ren.
- Huh?

278
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,729
I'll do the comedy.

279
00:13:32,854 --> 00:13:34,689
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

280
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:36,941
It's Foodzilla!

281
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,401
Foodzilla!

282
00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,653
- (LAUGHTER)
- Foodzilla!

283
00:13:41,237 --> 00:13:42,655
Foodzilla!

284
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:45,116
- (LAUGHTER)
- BOY: Foodzilla!

285
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,702
- (INAUDIBLE)
- (LAUGHTER)

286
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,372
STUDENTS: Foodzilla! Foodzilla!

287
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,750
Foodzilla! Foodzilla! Foodzilla!

288
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,627
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

289
00:13:57,754 --> 00:14:00,006
Grasping the bird...

290
00:14:03,384 --> 00:14:07,180
(GRUNTING) ...is not working.
It's not working, it's not working.

291
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:08,431
(MUSIC STOPS)

292
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,268
- Hi, Mom.
- Mm. Mm.

293
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:14,854
Kids. (GASPS) Ren.

294
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:19,025
Sweetheart, I listened
to the Limpy Biscuits.

295
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,694
What interesting lyrics.

296
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,905
- "I did it all for the..."
- Mom...

297
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:25,865
Uh-uh. You get this
back when you're 30.

298
00:14:26,074 --> 00:14:27,074
(SIGHS)

299
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,910
So, how was the show?

300
00:14:29,077 --> 00:14:31,788
- Great.
- Everybody loved it.

301
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:35,249
Wow. I'd hate to see what
you two looked like if it bombed.

302
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,543
- What happened?
- Well, you know my report

303
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:39,128
on the cafeteria lady?

304
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,215
Well, that was kind of boring,
so, um, I started goofing on her.

305
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,217
No, no, no, no. It was my fault

306
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,403
because I should've never let
you on the air in the first place.

307
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,845
No, it's my fault, okay,

308
00:14:47,970 --> 00:14:50,848
- 'cause I couldn't be serious.
- No, it's my fault.

309
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,517
When everyone
said they loved it,

310
00:14:52,642 --> 00:14:54,936
- I just went right along.
- Are you kidding?

311
00:14:55,561 --> 00:14:57,772
I tried to get a few
laughs and I ruined her life.

312
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,316
- You ruined somebody's life?
- Mm-hmm.

313
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,110
Okay, you're right...

314
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:04,278
You are a horrible
little person.

315
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:06,072
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

316
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:07,281
Wait a minute.

317
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,409
What do you mean you
ruined somebody's life?

318
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:12,745
Well, I called the
lunch lady "Foodzilla,".

319
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,039
And then, pretty soon,
everybody in the cafeteria

320
00:15:15,248 --> 00:15:17,375
was chanting,
"Foodzilla! Foodzilla!"

321
00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,001
She quit right on the spot.

322
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,962
- She quit her job?
- LOUIS: Yeah.

323
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,798
- And I feel awful.
- We'd do anything to get her back.

324
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:24,924
Right.

325
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:26,759
Well, for starters,

326
00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:29,262
you have to go
over to Foodzilla's...

327
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,266
to the lunch lady's
house and apologize.

328
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,394
To her house?

329
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,604
Yes. Today.

330
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:41,190
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)

331
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:42,608
(THUNDER RUMBLING)

332
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,528
- (CRICKETS CHIRPING)
- (FROGS CROAKING)

333
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:47,947
No, I can't do this.

334
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:50,032
Come on, what are you afraid of?

335
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:53,661
(CACKLING)

336
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:56,330
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)

337
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,795
- Is it getting hot?
- What?

338
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,923
Just... Forget it, come on.

339
00:16:06,174 --> 00:16:08,176
- (SCOFFS)
- (OWL HOOTING)

340
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:13,598
-(WOLF HOWLING)
No, I can't do this. You.

341
00:16:14,682 --> 00:16:16,017
- You!
- You.

342
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,602
- You.
- You.

343
00:16:18,394 --> 00:16:20,188
- You!
- Oh, damn.

344
00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,274
Please, I just wanted to say

345
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:25,693
that I'm sorry about
what happened at school.

346
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:28,029
We feel awful, and, um...

347
00:16:28,321 --> 00:16:30,364
we want to apologize
and see if there's any way

348
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:32,950
- we could get you to come back.
- I don't think so.

349
00:16:33,284 --> 00:16:35,495
Wait, wait. See, I
brought you a present.

350
00:16:36,287 --> 00:16:38,831
It's, uh, a three-pack
of hair nets.

351
00:16:39,248 --> 00:16:41,209
- In assorted colors.
- LOUIS: Colors, right.

352
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:42,919
(SIGHS)

353
00:16:43,544 --> 00:16:46,130
- Come in.
- (DOOR CREAKING)

354
00:16:46,589 --> 00:16:50,051
- LOUIS: That's very gracious.
- (CHUCKLES)

355
00:16:57,058 --> 00:16:58,559
- (DOOR SLAMS)
- LOUIS: Oh.

356
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:00,937
Wait.

357
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,899
- Why you make fun of me?
- Um...

358
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:09,070
That's the way kids are sometimes.
When they don't know a person,

359
00:17:09,153 --> 00:17:11,353
they're either afraid of them,
or they make fun of them.

360
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,407
Right now, I'm afraid. Oh.

361
00:17:13,991 --> 00:17:15,368
We should probably go.

362
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,619
Sit!

363
00:17:18,412 --> 00:17:20,873
You want to know me? I show you.

364
00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:24,835
Hold this.

365
00:17:32,635 --> 00:17:35,012
(YODELING)

366
00:17:49,026 --> 00:17:50,403
- (GIGGLES)
- That was really cool.

367
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,737
How do you do that?

368
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,531
It's, uh... How do you say?

369
00:17:53,656 --> 00:17:56,075
In the throat. You try.

370
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:01,038
(YODELING OFF-KEY)

371
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,916
- I guess it's harder than it looks.
- Hmm.

372
00:18:04,125 --> 00:18:06,586
<i>Ja. </i>But people here
do not appreciate.

373
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:10,381
I come on boat from Europe
to become professional.

374
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:12,466
But yodeling work
is not so much.

375
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,343
So I start cooking at school.

376
00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:17,096
But now, children make fun.

377
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:18,556
Oh, but they wouldn't

378
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,558
if you showed them
what a kind, decent

379
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:22,810
yodeling person
that you really are.

380
00:18:23,477 --> 00:18:24,604
No, no.

381
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,316
To children, I always be
large person with ladle.

382
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:30,026
Mm. Honey,

383
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,944
- not when we get through with you.
- Uh-huh!

384
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:50,546
(SANDPAPER SCRAPING)

385
00:19:00,598 --> 00:19:01,932
<i>Ah</i>

386
00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:05,102
(WHIRING)

387
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:11,025
(INAUDIBLE)

388
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,320
<i>Presenting the new</i>

389
00:19:14,612 --> 00:19:19,075
and improved Miss Elsa Schotz!

390
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,593
- (GIGGLING)
- Thank you, children.

391
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,804
Come back anytime.
I yodel for you.

392
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:41,931
- Okay.
- ALL: Mwah!

393
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:43,724
- (GIGGLING)
- Bye-bye.

394
00:19:43,891 --> 00:19:45,017
BOTH: Bye.

395
00:19:45,976 --> 00:19:48,437
You know, I don't care if
it is mystery meat Monday.

396
00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:49,855
I'm starving.

397
00:19:50,022 --> 00:19:52,942
- Yeah, man, where's Foodzilla?
- (LAUGHTER)

398
00:19:53,109 --> 00:19:55,611
Yeah, that's not funny, dude.
Her name is not Foodzilla.

399
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:59,865
It's Miss Schotz. Elsa Schotz.
And she's a really nice person.

400
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:03,244
Whatever, but she better show
soon, or I'm gonna eat my own foot.

401
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,620
Oh, she'll be here.

402
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,498
And I think you'll
like what you see!

403
00:20:07,957 --> 00:20:09,083
(DOOR OPENS)

404
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,427
Where's... Wait, wait.

405
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,886
You're not Miss Schotz.

406
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,514
Where's Miss Schotz?

407
00:20:23,973 --> 00:20:25,599
(TV NEWS MUSIC PLAYS)

408
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:29,103
Hi, I'm Ren Stevens.
Welcome to the second

409
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,896
and hopefully
not the last edition

410
00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:34,608
of the <i>Wombat...
News</i>. (CHUCKLES)

411
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,194
The <i>Wombat News</i>.
As you all know,

412
00:20:37,528 --> 00:20:40,322
last week, Miss Schotz
quit after we aired our report.

413
00:20:40,489 --> 00:20:43,576
For an update on how she's
doing here is our own Louis Stevens.

414
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:47,121
Thanks, Babwa.

415
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:49,081
Now, humor can hurt.

416
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,709
That's what I learned last
week. But love can heal.

417
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,878
On the very next day,
coming back to school

418
00:20:53,961 --> 00:20:56,046
to serve us nutritious
and well-balanced meals,

419
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:59,633
Miss Schotz ran into our very
own custodian Mr. Gordon.

420
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,511
Now, let me just tell you,
Miss Schotz was looking hot!

421
00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:05,681
Let... let's just go
to the videotape.

422
00:21:06,849 --> 00:21:08,100
Hello, children.

423
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:12,730
Mr. Gordon take me to
Las Vegas. We get married!

424
00:21:13,314 --> 00:21:14,732
Let it ride!

425
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:17,276
I'm gonna miss you, children.

426
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:24,450
(YODELING)

427
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:25,993
(HITS HIGH NOTE)

428
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,788
Thank you, Louis.
Excellent report.

429
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,582
Thank you, Ren. Seriously.

430
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:37,046
(YODELING MUSIC PLAYS)

431
00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:44,053
Who could've imagined I'd
ever find peace in this music?

432
00:21:45,679 --> 00:21:46,972
Thank you, Louis.

433
00:21:48,599 --> 00:21:51,018
(LIP SYNCING YODELING)